Author Archives: Joe

Dec. 16 – Ace Ventura: Pet Detective – “The Reindeer Hunter”

Original air date December 9, 1995

The year 1994 feels like it belonged to Jim Carrey. Prior to ’94, Carrey was just another actor trying to make his way through Hollywood. He did some stand-up and even starred in a film, but he had yet to really make it. After being cast on the sketch comedy series In Loving Color, Carrey’s status began to rise. He stole the show, and soon found himself entertaining roles from Hollywood. His first big hit, arriving in February of 1994, was Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. The film was largely nonsensical, but the role of Ace Ventura allowed Carrey to basically just do what he did best at the time: act like a screwball cartoon character. There wasn’t much separating the character of Ace Ventura from Carrey’s stand-up or even his characters from In Living Color, such as Fire Marshall Bill. While the film wasn’t exactly a hit with the critics, it was at the box office and Carrey soon found himself among the ranks of the Hollywood A-Listers.

Following Ace Ventura, came The Mask in July and then Dumb and Dumber closed out the Year of Carrey in December of 1994. For Carrey, he began the year as a budding comedian on television and finished it as a big-shot. A sequel for Ace Ventura was fast-tracked for release in 1995 and it too performed well. Though by the time the credits rolled on the sequel, Carrey was likely priced-out of any future sequels for the franchise, just as he was for The Mask.

Whenever a film is a hit, studios naturally look to extract as much money as possible from it. With an Ace Ventura 3 starring Carrey unlikely, Warner Bros. turned to television writer Duane Capizzi to craft a cartoon series based on the character. When a film makes the jump from the big screen to the small screen, there’s always a risk audiences will reject it. Especially when we’re talking about a character like Ace Ventura who was basically just Jim Carrey. Will audiences accept what is essentially a caricature? It’s an important question to ask since there’s virtually no chance of an actor of Carrey’s stature coming with the project, and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective the animated series was no exception. Still, the mere subject of a pet detective leading a wacky cartoon has some promise. Kids like animals and comedy, so perhaps it had a chance? CBS was certainly banking on that when it committed to 13 episodes for the fall 1995 television series and the show did well enough to return for another 13 episodes in 1996. Following that though, CBS apparently lost interest and the Saturday morning block was waning. The show did find new life on Nickelodeon with 15 new episodes produced to air in 1999-2000, along with the returning 26 episodes previously aired. In that sense, the show was a modest success it would seem, though it did fail to get to that magical syndication number of 65 episodes.

The show forgoes opening credits and gets straight to it. Oh, joy.

For the show’s very first episode, it turned to Christmas. This is not unprecedented as the most famous cartoon series ever, The Simpsons, did the same thing. In the case of that more illustrious show, it premiered with the Christmas episode because the show’s first episode was rejected due to how it had been animated. The Christmas episode was ready, and it was also December. It basically had to air on time, so the decision was made to delay the official series premiere to January and air the Christmas episode as a “Sneak Peek” in December of 1989. Fox would repeat the trick with Life with Louie years later. As far as I know, this particular episode of Ace Ventura, “The Reindeer Hunter,” is the first episode in production order. It doesn’t feel like a series premiere though, so it wouldn’t shock me if it wasn’t. It premiered on December 9, 1995 with the second episode not airing until January 20, 1996. I suppose I could have watched that episode to see if it operated like more of a series introduction, but I really don’t want to. And you’ll soon see why.

The cartoon version of Ace Ventura is basically no different from his film counterpart, save for the fact that he’s voiced by Michael Daingerfield (then credited as Michael Hall), a fellow Canadian as well. His voice wouldn’t be confused for Carrey’s, but he seems to have the timing and inflections down. Expect to hear plenty of “All-righty-then” from him. Ace is still a pet detective and he’s joined by his monkey, Spike (Richard Binsley). For this premiere episode, Ace has to take a very important case for someone has abducted perhaps the most famous pets of all: Santa’s reindeer!

This one gets right to the Santa-moon shot, only with a crescent moon instead of a full moon.

The episode begins with a cheery Santa up at the North Pole preparing for Christmas. The image pans out and we see this was just a television. Soon, the real Santa passes overhead and soars past the rare Christmas Eve crescent moon to land on a nearby building. This isn’t exactly an idyllic Christmas image as we’re in hot, sticky, Miami and Santa expresses his displeasure at that almost immediately upon exiting his sleigh. He’s an appropriately chunky Santa, though his reindeer are a bit on the ugly side. It’s sort of in-line with a lot of post Ren & Stimpy cartoons looking to be a bit on the ugly side as the heads of the reindeer are quite triangular with ugly teeth jutting out of their mouth.

Someone wants to abduct these ugly-ass reindeer.

As Santa squeezes his bulbous form down the chimney, a shadow appears over the reindeer. A large figure tosses a sack over them and we smash-cut to the episode’s title card. We’re then introduced to the hero of the show: Ace Ventura. He’s in his apartment and he’s apparently cranked the air conditioner as he has penguins joining him as he’s seated on the couch with his monkey, Spike. It’s so cold in the apartment that there is actually snow falling from the ceiling.

An uncommon sight for Miami, though really, an uncommon sight inside any apartment.

Ace is called upon to answer the door and it’s the building superintendent, Mr. Schickadance (Vince Corazza). He has a problem with the snow, which is something a good super would have concern with. He apparently lives next door as he gestures to his wall which is covered with ice. Ace points out that there’s no “No Snow” designation on the sign for the complex as there is with a “No Pets” (though he has pets, so he obviously wouldn’t feel beholden to such a proclamation anyway). In short: the snow stays.

Old Santa apparently keeps Ace on the speed dial for just such an occasion.

Ace then receives a phone call and he’s skeptical of its source. The gentleman on the other end is claiming to be Santa Claus, so Ace tests him by asking him what he got for Christmas last year. Santa “aces” the quiz as he brought Ace a salon chair for crafting his unique hairstyle. With that out of the way, Ace hears him out. Turns out, Santa’s reindeer have gone missing in Miami and he needs Ace to help him find the reindeer. Surprisingly, the timing of this whole thing isn’t played up as much as it could be considering it’s Christmas Eve. You would think one little hang-up would really throw Santa off schedule, and this is hardly a little hang-up.

Cheeky.

Ace agrees to meet with Santa so he heads out to his car with Spike at his side. There we see that his license plated reads “Pet Dick,” and while I understand that dick is another name for detective, I’m still surprised CBS let the show get away with that. Mr. Schickadance is outside as well changing the sign to read to “No Snow. ” He’s on a ladder, so you can probably guess what happens next as Ace drives away…

Don’t worry, kids, we got Ace on the case!

Ace joins Santa at the scene of the crime. Finding no clues, he begins questioning Santa in order to deduce a motive. He asks him who might hate his guts, and Santa seems rather shocked at the mere suggestion someone might dislike him. Ace asks him to produce his naughty list and is then dismayed when he unfurls it and it’s long enough to roll off the side of the building and continue on down the street. He hands Santa the keys to his apartment, noting this investigation could take a while, and then starts with the top name on the list, a certain Akak the Clown.

A good, sneaking, disguise at Christmas time, I suppose.

Akak is apparently the clown mascot of a local burger joint. Ace spots him leaving his restaurant with a bag of food. Declaring they need disguises, Ace emerges from a costume shop dressed as a snowman and stalks Akak through the streets. When the clown removes a large sack from the back of his trunk, Ace pounces on him only to find the bag filled with toys. He then rules Akak out, and proceeds down the list. A sequence of slamming doors is then presented as Ace apparently finds no leads. He them enters a museum looking for a Larry Asta…something. He’s dismayed to find he’s not out of the “A’s” yet, but does find this Larry fellow in the midst of a heist. Pointing his carrot nose like a gun and doing an Al Capone impression, he holds the crook up and demands answers. It would seem there’s a big caper going down tonight, but it’s not related to any reindeer. When Ace asks where they are, the crook is dumb-founded, but suggests he asks the shady looking guys on the roof across the street who are about to get into a getaway chopper.

The monkey is definitely the smartest one.

Ace races over to the roof of the department store and finds three dudes placing a sack into a helicopter. One is kind of green and monstrous looking, another is your typical giant lug, and the third looks like a little scientist type. Ace demands they cease what they’re doing, but they disregard him. As they take-off, Ace grabs onto the lab coat of the science guy. The thug simply pulls the little man into the copter, while letting him out of his coat, causing Ace to plummet to what should be his death. Rather he lands atop a giant Christmas tree, which was on the roof of the building, which then bends causing him to land on the roof of a police cruiser below.

It’s at this point I think I’ll be okay with them killing off the star 8 minutes into the series.

There Ace is confronted by Officer Emilio (Bruce Tubbe) and Sargent Aguado (Al Waxman). They know Ace from around town and aren’t exactly happy to see him. Emilio helps him up and when Ace tells them to put out an “APB” for a helicopter, Aguado laughs at him and taunts him with, “Why? Have Santa’s reindeer been kidnapped?!” between laughs. When Ace confirms that’s exactly what happened, it doesn’t change the situation. Emilio actually tries to tell him when he talks crazy it makes it harder for him to be of any assistance, and Ace responds by talking through his butt. The two officers have a function to attend that night and they drive off with the giant star still lodged in their car leaving Ace alone with his piece of evidence. Ace then notices the lab coat has the unmistakable odor of lady’s perfume on it, so he runs into the department store to conduct some research.

This is Ace Ventura, so expect some ass-play.

At the cosmetics counter, Ace sprays various perfumes in his face trying to find the right fragrance. All the while, a female clerk tries to warn him against perfume overdose, apparently a thing. Ace doesn’t listen and ends up passing out. A doctor has to come help revive him, and when he awakens he notices a display with an unusual looking woman holding a perfume bottle. It’s the fragrance he’s looking for! The clerk is able to tell him that the woman is Atrocia Odora (Pam Hyatt) and it turns out her factory is in town.

That’s no reindeer!

Ace heads over to the Odora plant and finds the helicopter from earlier on the roof. Spike gets to work sabotaging the chopper so it can’t be utilized as an escape route later, which is far smarter a plan than I would have expected of Ace. He then enters the factory from the roof and finds a big, white, sheet with “No Peeking” printed on it draped over a cage. Thinking this is where the reindeer are, Ace triumphantly removes it only to find an albino alligator roaring at him. The goons from earlier then spot him and are surprised he survived the fall. As Ace goes into some posing routine explaining his death-defying prowess, the big guy does a butt stomp on him. With Ace subdued, the green guy puts on a Santa outfit to go alert the boss.

The villain of the episode (series?), Atrocia Odora.

As the fake Santa enters another room, we see it’s a police officer function hosted by Odora herself. Disguised as Santa, the little guy is able to get over to Odora to alert her of what’s happening in the factory. She excuses herself to go check things out. Inside, Ace has been freed from the large buttocks and is using his karate maneuvers on the big guy, to no effect, while Spike is harassing the scientist guy. Once Odora enters the big guys retrains Ace in a more conventional manner than before by simply grabbing his arms.

Odora immediately notices the various odors on Ace’s shirt and warns him about the dangers of mixing fragrances noting he smells “louder than his shirt.” Ace demands to know where the missing reindeer are, but Odora instructs her men to dispose of him. As she walks away, Ace declares he knows her type and that she is eager to reveal her sinister plan. She deadpans it doesn’t bother her and continues out the door. Ace counts down aloud from 3, and she enters on 1 declaring that she does indeed need to tell him all about it.

That is certainly a sight.

Odora then explains she intends to create a treatment for aging. As she goes into her big, villain, speech, Ace plugs his ears and sings “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” via a sequence of “La’s.” This just enrages and annoys Odora and she has her men restrain him once again. Odora then explains her enemy is aging for as we age things become loose and sag, as she describes the various body parts starting with the face that fall victim to this Ace stops her before she can get past the neck. She then explains that Santa’s reindeer possess the unusual ability to defy gravity and reasons the secret must be in their glands. The professor then wheels in a contraption containing all 8 of Santa’s reindeer. They’re confined with their rear pointing up and a giant syringe is poised above them. It’s pretty kinky, though the reindeer do not look like they’re into these kinds of reindeer games.

At least Spike is enjoying himself.

Odora leaves Ace with an explanation about a death trap she has laid for him as she heads back to the party. As she does though, Spike hitches a ride on the back of her blazer while the goons drag Ace off to certain death. As they do, he reveals to them, out of a sense of moral obligation, that his monkey has escaped and is undoubtedly seeking help. We then cut to Spike at the party stuffing his face with food.

I really don’t like Ace’s character model.

Ace is then dragged away, all the while pleading, and in the process he opens the cage of the albino alligator. The ornery, and surprisingly bipedal, reptile chases the two goons up onto a giant chemical vat. Ace dusts himself off and informs the crooks this is what happens when you mess with him, mistaking the alligator for an ally. It then takes note of him and starts chasing him around the factory forcing Ace to exit into the party. Seeing all of the police in one place, he gets the sensible idea to inform them what’s going on in the other room. When Ace reveals that Odora should be arrested for abducting Santa’s reindeer, the suggestion is met with laughter.

At Ace’s apartment, we check-in with Santa to find him watching TV while one of Ace’s penguins searches for food in his beard. While channel-surfing, Santa stumbles onto apparent live coverage of the function and Ace pleading with the cops to arrest Odora. They’re not taking him seriously, and Emilio tries to reason with Ace by letting him know he’s not helping his cause. Ace then decides they’d probably like to arrest him, and he goads them into doing so while Aguado shouts “he’s disturbing the peace! Arrest him!” As Ace runs off, it’s clear he intends to lead the pursuing officers into the factory. Odora catches wind of the plan and counters in a fiendishly clever way: the dessert tray!

Never fear, Santa is here!

Ace races over to the captive reindeer, but all of the officers have abandoned the chase in pursuit of something sweet. The two other goons have also somehow returned the alligator to his cage, and the third goon still dressed as Santa re-enters the room. With Ace surrounded, it looks like his goose is cooked, but here comes Santa Claus! He swoops in like Tarzan to take out the impostor Santa, then turns his attention to the big guy. He takes him out with a series of kicks, leaving the professor for Ace. He yanks off the little guy’s glasses, and since this is a cartoon, this renders him blind.

Ace living out every kid’s fantasy.

With that guy out of the way, Ace is able to free the reindeer and not a moment too soon as they were about to be “penetrated” by the giant needles. The impostor Santa grabs one of the giant needles and charges towards Ace, but he’s saved by the reindeer. Flying high in the factory, Ace notices the fake Santa has turned his attention to the real Santa. As he charges Santa, Ace swoops in on his reindeer and crashes into him causing the needle to stab into the machinery. This apparently causes an overload of some kind, and the goons beat a hasty retreat.

That’s unfortunate.

Or they would, if it not for the fact that their helicopter was sabotaged! As Ace compliments Santa on his fighting prowess, the copter explodes and the three goons fall from the sky. They land right on Mr. Schickadance, who was still hanging from his sign after Ace took out his ladder. Santa then bids Ace farewell with an uncharacteristic “Heigh-ho, reindeer away!” He thanks Ace, and Ace responds with a “Wait until you see my bill!” He then remembers Spike is still in the building, and he’s been eating this whole time and apparently it’s caught up to him as he gets sick all over Odora’s lap.

I’m surprised we had to wait until the final act for a vomit gag.

Ace stops in front of the giant Odora #5 tank to declare it’s about to blow in a comedic fashion. He then heads into the party to pass this warning on to the police inside, though he’s more interested in making puns. He warns Aguado he’s about to receive a white Christmas as the whole thing blows up covering everyone in white cream. It also frees the rare, albino, alligator which was likely stolen from somewhere and is enough to get Odora arrested.

Ever see an albino alligator covered in cosmetics?

We then catch-up with Ace on the beach as his skin is now bone white. He needs to catch some rays in order to return his skin to some form of normal, and he has Santa along beside him. Ace gives Santa a Christmas present and it’s a shirt just like Ace’s to go along with Santa’s new hairstyle, which Ace reveals by yanking off Santa’s hat. Apparently Santa has co-opted Ace’s signature ‘do, and he goes into a nervous, stammering, explanation as the episode ends.

Now that’s a Miami Christmas.

And that is how Ace Ventura rescued Santa’s reindeer and saved Christmas! All in all, it was mostly what I expected. For better or worse, the Ace Ventura presented here is true to its big screen counterpart. He’s constantly rambling, sometimes its nonsensical, but mostly it’s surprisingly lucid. He’s a far more capable detective, I mean dick, than expected despite his slightly unorthodox approach. It’s a solid premise to incorporate Christmas into the show, and I suppose it was entertaining to kids who liked the films. For me, I was definitely ready for it to be over as a little Ace goes a long way.

The character designs did little for me.

Visually the show is rather ugly. It’s at least bright with a fairly robust color palette, but it’s also super basic. No shading or lighting to speak of and the character designs are a bit crude and ugly. There’s nothing really unique about it as even the three bad guys have a very bland look to them. The voice cast is serviceable, and I think Daingerfield does a good job with what he has, but none of the other cast members do much to stand out. I did like Pam Hyatt’s performance as Odora. And that’s a fun name for a villain too: Atrocia Odora. She has a little Cruella in her and it’s not very subtle.

I think Ace Ventura is just a character you either love or hate, with little room for in-between.

Given all of that, it’s not at all surprising that the cartoon version of Ace Ventura is rarely referenced. The show basically came and went, airing in the waning days of the CBS Saturday Morning before heading to cable to die. I am rather surprised it ever made it to a major network, but that was the power of Jim Carrey in the mid-90s, even if he had nothing to do with the cartoon. This one feels more like a USA show. Regardless, if you like the movies then there’s a reasonably good chance you’ll like this portrayal. And if you want to view it, you’ll probably have to track down a DVD or pay for a streaming option. It’s not terribly expensive, but I also wouldn’t really call it worth it either.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 16 – George of the Jungle – “Jungle Bells”

For a show that only lasted 17 episodes, George of the Jungle has had a surprisingly enduring legacy about it. The show was basically conceived as a Tarzan parody and was the spiritual successor to The Rocky and Bullwinkle show given that it was produced by Jay Ward and Bill Scott. The show premiered in…

Keep reading

Dec. 16 – Mickey’s Christmas Chaos

Alternatively known as Mickey’s Christmas Crisis, Mickey’s Christmas Chaos is a Mickey Mouse Works cartoon from 2000. If you’re like me, you were probably “too old” for The Disney Channel around the turn of the millennium and are not too familiar with the Mouse Works toons. This was basically Disney’s attempt at creating a new…

Keep reading

Dec. 16 – ‘Tis the Season to be Smurfy

The Smurfs were originally conceived as a comic in the 50’s by Belgian artist Peyo, but most know the series thanks to those purveyors of subpar animation Hanna-Barbera. Truth be told, Hanna-Barbera pioneered television animation after running Tom & Jerry for MGM. The company put out so much content that it’s not at all surprising…

Keep reading

Dec. 15 – Bobby’s World – “Miracle on 34th Street and Rural Route 1”

Original air date December 22, 1995

When the Fox Network launched in the late 80s it had an uphill battle in front of it to gain relevance. The network seemed to know from the start that it couldn’t just jump right in and start doing what networks like ABC and CBS had already done and instead chose to focus on under-served aspects of entertainment. Sketch comedy, edgy sitcoms, live sports, and adult animation helped propel the network to eventual heights, but also helping along the way was good old Saturday morning. Fox would craft its own block of children’s programming and source material from admittedly odd places. And one such work was Bobby’s World.

Bobby’s World aired from 1990 – 1998, but like a lot of Fox Kids originals, it seems to have just disappeared since.

Bobby’s World is largely credited to comedian Howie Mandel, who at the time was best known for his stand-up routines and a role on the series St. Elsewhere. The real credit though belongs to a pair of Jims: Jim Fisher and Jim Staahl. Both knew Mandel and once worked at the famed Second City. The pair were contracted by Fox to create a kid’s show and the two thought of their friend Howie and his character Bobby. Bobby was part of Mandel’s stand-up routine and was basically just a vessel for Mandel’s funny voice which at that point had also appeared in Gremlins and Muppet Babies. Mandel was onboard and did contribute story ideas and such, but it’s a stretch to say he created the show. He was definitely the face of it though, as he would voice Bobby and Bobby’s father, Howard, who was basically just a cartoon version of himself. He also appeared in live-action segments to open and close each episode. Was his “star power” really needed? Probably not, as the target audience of children probably could not have cared less who Howie Mandel was, but it probably helped the show get some added coverage.

It’s a cartoon about that kid from The Shining!

Bobby’s World was one of the first hits for what would become Fox Kids. It premiered in 1990 and would run for 8 seasons totaling 81 episodes. Each episode basically revolved around Bobby, who was a young boy of about 4 with huge feet and an ill-fitting shirt who possessed an overactive imagination. The show is rather interesting for its use of change. Bobby actually ages throughout the life of the show. He begins the series as the youngest of the family, but by Season 3 he has twin infant brothers. By the time the show ended he was considered to be around age 7 or 8 though he was just as imaginative as always. It’s not a particularly original concept, a kid escaping reality via his own imagination, but the Bobby character wasn’t without charm so it’s not hard to see why the show worked in the long run.

In Season 6 the show decided to do a Christmas episode. This might seem a bit puzzling to some reading this since Bobby is a Howie Mandel character and Bobby’s dad in the show is basically Howie who is very Jewish. As was covered already, Mandel wasn’t the one writing the show and apparently he didn’t care that Bobby was going to canonically be Christian. Or he did, but didn’t make a big fuss about it. Considering that Fox was willing to be different, it’s a bit surprising that they didn’t do a Hanukkah episode instead, but network folks might have been pushing for Christmas. The episode could have stuck that in its back pocket for another holiday episode since the Generics (yes, the family name is literally Generic) celebrate Christmas with their mother’s parents, but Howard’s cousin also joins them so that muddies things a bit.

Every episode begins with Howie, usually with Bobby, in an animated setting. It ain’t no Roger Rabbit.

The episode begins with Mandel alongside Bobby to introduce the story. Mandel talks about his love of Christmas (maybe his family celebrated both?) and his fondness for the scents of the season. This opens up a joke for Bobby recalling the smell Uncle Ted makes when he pulls his finger causing Mandel to stop him there and get on with the episode.

Many car rides on Christmas Eve ended this way for me too.

The episode begins with the Generics arriving home following a Christmas gathering. It’s dark and everyone’s asleep in the car as Howard scoops Bobby up out of the back seat. I see palm trees in the background and they’re returning from a place where it snows so this has been one hell of a car ride. He and wife Martha (Gail Matthius) seem proud of their young son as Howard remarks this will be a Christmas Bobby tells his own grand kids about some day. Bobby, half awake, mumbles the same back to himself which sets up another introduction for this plot. Bobby imagines himself an old man recalling the events of the evening to his young grand kids, a boy and a girl who more or less look exactly like him. And despite being old, Bobby also appears to possess the same body only he’s wrinkly and has white hair. This is the imagination of a kid, after all.

The episode is going to go back and forth between the events of the plot and Old Man Bobby. It’s entirely unnecessary.

Elder Bobby then starts to tell the grand kids what happened that day and the story is finally allowed to begin. It starts at the Generic home with Bobby recalling the smell of his mother’s Christmas cookies. We will soon find out these cookies shouldn’t smell great as she refers to them as frosted whole wheat fiber holiday nuggets. They look about as appetizing as the dough is gray and reminds me of the gruel from Kamp Krusty. This is also the time for Bobby to setup his transformation as he’s obsessed with getting a Captain Squash Game Master for Christmas. His mom asks him if he knows what Christmas is all about and he gives the predictable kid answer: presents. She doesn’t correct him though and instead reprimands him for eating raw dough.

The family’s idea for a Christmas carol is just to take everything about Christmas and cram it into one song.

The family then piles into the station wagon to head to the home of their grandparents. It’s a long ride, long enough that everyone in the car is sick of hearing Christmas songs on the radio before they get there. This prompts Martha to encourage her bored kids Kelly (Charity James), Derek (Kevin Michaels), and Bobby to come up with their own Christmas carol. They basically just start throwing shit against the wall as they want to incorporate basically everything they love about Christmas into one song: jingle bells, Frosty, Santa, a “knight” before Christmas, snow, etc. It’s sort of cute as it’s done by presenting an idyllic Christmas setting and then images of all of the suggestions just start cluttering the screen. It does end on a fruit cake joke though, and I hate fruit cake jokes. Plus Bobby breaks the fourth wall to reference Barry Manilow which certainly dates this one.

He’s very fond of maps.

Eventually the family finally arrives at the home of Martha’s parents. Martha’s father is apparently Swedish? Or else the mid-western accent is just being taken to strange, new, places. Either way, Bobby once more breaks the fourth wall to request we not make fun of his family and we should respect the young boy’s wishes. We cut back to elder Bobby telling his story in which he sets up how he wants to tell his grandpa and grandma about the game he wants for Christmas only to find that his grandpa only wants to talk about one thing: directions. He even pulls down a shade in the living room which has a map on it as he interrogates Howard about the route he took to get there. Martha basically narcs on her own husband to confess they got lost while Bobby is allowed to display his aptitude for observational humor by questioning why kids always ask “are we there yet?” while adults ask “how did you get here?”

Uncle Ted is quite affectionate towards his brother-in-law.

Kelly then walks into the living room to question where a foul odor is coming from. Derek blames Bobby, but elder Bobby is returned just to tell us his grandmother’s house apparently always smelled like shit. The smell theme will continue. The doorbell rings and it’s Uncle Ted (Tino Insana) with his sister, Aunt Ruth (Susan Tolsky), the baker of really awful fruit cake. Ted dispenses with Christmas noogies and even has some mistletoe to sneak a smooch with…Howard? Meanwhile, Ruth practically tares Bobby’s face off while pinching his cheeks. Bobby though is delighted to see his uncle which is actually really sweet. He’s also happy because they brought the tree which they soon drag into the house. They put it up and then all have a good smell.

The Philadelphia wing of the Generic family is nothing to brag about.

We then pivot back to elder Bobby as his grand kids want him to get to the part where they open presents. Bobby tells them they’re not there yet, for first he has to tell them about his dad’s cousins from Philadelphia. They’re different and we see they dress quite formally. The father’s name is Sydney and he is clearly voiced by Rob Paulsen. He has a wife named Maive? Mame? Either way, she looks a lot older than him. They also have two teen aged kids in Jeffrey (Paulsen) and Brianna. None of the credits detail who voices who, so let’s just pile a bunch of names right here: Jim Fisher, Pat Fraley, Andrea Martin, Jim Staahl, and we might as well mention Frank Welker, who voices the family dog, Roger.

The Philly Generics are pretty condescending and their kids are just big jerks. It’s really quite puzzling that they would drive all the way out there from Philadelphia to be some place they clearly do not wish to be. Bobby is not at all bothered by the hostility as he just assumes with this many people in the house he’s sure to get what he wants for Christmas! He then declares that’s what Christmas is all about so they can really drive home the true meaning of Christmas later.

Nothing like a good family argument and a lit Christmas tree to set the mood.

The families then decorate the tree, and no one can agree on anything. Sydney thinks they need more lights while Ted insists on more tinsel. Ruth and the other lady argue about ornament placement, and everyone eventually just starts shouting. Bobby remarks it’s nice that Christmas gives families a chance to talk. His dad then asks him for the star, and Bobby daydreams about himself as a star. He has an odd idea for what a star should be as he imagines himself as a Phantom of the Opera-like character in front of a gigantic, synth, organ. He eventually snaps out of it and hands his dad the star who places it atop a well-decorated tree. Ted plugs the lights into a clearly overloaded socket A Christmas Story style, and the whole family gathers around to bask in the festive glow of the tree. Okay, now I want it to be Christmas in my house.

Bobby is apparently not one for carolers.

Next on the agenda is dinner. What’s on the menu? A traditional Christmas turkey. Howard first brings the bird to the kid’s table and Bobby remarks that it stinks. Howard gets mad at his son’s rudeness, while his sister informs him he’s just smelling their brother’s socks which were left to dry on a nearby radiator. Bobby is then tasked with saying “Grace,” so he literally just says “Grace.” The family shares a short, awkward, pause then Ted decides that’s good enough and digs in. The family then resumes its bickering as they can’t even agree on which direction to pass the sides. Sydney also feels the need to correct Ted on his use of the term “cranberry sauce” as the gelatin stuff doesn’t meet his definition. Seriously, who invited this guy?! Jeffrey then starts an argument about stuffing, and only the ringing of the doorbell can save this meal. Bobby is the only one to get up and answer it. He finds a group of carolers, and promptly shuts the door on them and returns to his seat. When his dad asks who was there, he says “I don’t know,” which just prompts his mother to ask “Well, what did they say?” “Fa-la-la-la-la-la…”

This show isn’t much to look at, but that’s a hell of an image for a Christmas special.

The interrogation is interrupted when Bobby notices another odd smell, and this time it isn’t socks. There’s smoke filling the room and Bobby is the only one to get up and run over to the source to find the Christmas tree in flames. I mean, really people, you let the five-year-old investigate the source of a fire?!

Yes, Bobby, we can see that the house is presently on fire.

The family is forced to exit the house and Bobby then wonders aloud how Santa will get him his toys with the house on fire? We then see some of Bobby’s imagination at work as Santa (Welker) lands on the roof of the house (with the proper amount of reindeer) and tries to go down the chimney with Bobby’s coveted Captain Squash Game Master. When he tries to descend the chimney he’s set on fire and rocketed into the night sky. Surprisingly, he doesn’t pass in front of the moon.

With all of the houses he visits in a given year, you gotta believe this happens to Santa on the regular.

As Bobby laments the loss of a toy he never had, two firemen decide to reprimand the five-year-old about proper fire safety. Maybe lecture the adults? They also push their artificial tree agenda on Bobby which is so distasteful! The family then just sort of stands there and surveys the damage to the house. They soon start arguing as Ted blames Sydney’s lights for causing the whole thing. As Martha tries to speak, she can’t be heard over the arguing and Bobby is forced to yell to get everyone to be quiet so his mom can talk, which is rather sweet of him. Martha just scolds everyone finishing on the tried and true line of “Can’t we all just get along?” Grandpa then suggests to Bobby they head inside to see what’s worth saving. For a guy who basically just lost his house, he’s in a rather cheery mood.

One present made it through the fire, and wouldn’t ya know, it’s for Bobby.

The inside of the house is pretty much wrecked. The fire tore through the living room and left a rather large hole in the roof. Bobby’s mom calls everyone over to the carcass of the once fine-looking Christmas tree to announce one present survived the fire: Bobby’s present. He unwraps it eagerly to find his Squash game. He’s overjoyed, until he sees his cousin Jeffrey crying because he wanted one of those for Christmas, but it was under the tree and burned up. He then mournfully remarks he’ll have to wait until his birthday in July to get one. Bobby falls for this obvious con and hands over his present to Jeffrey. He perks up and accepts the gift, while Bobby’s mom tells him she’s so proud of him. Bobby says he feels good to do it, while I sit here in disbelief that the adults in the room allowed a teenager to take a kindergartners only Christmas gift! Jeffrey sucks!

This kid sucks.

The rest of the family take a moment to praise Bobby, who now understands the true meaning of Christmas. Ted also forces them to confront how shitty they’ve been acting, and he even breaks out the mistletoe to smooch Philadelphia Lady. Ruth comes in with her fruit cake, which apparently survived the fire as well. At first, no one wants any, but an elbow to the belly from his wife causes Howard to volunteer, followed by Ted. It starts snowing again, which in a house with no roof means it’s also snowing inside. Grandpa suggests they move the gathering to the barn, along with anything still worth saving.

This is about as close to a Jesus scene as you’re going to get.

In the barn, the family huddles around the twins in an obvious manger scene setup. Bobby, seated by the piano, remarks “What’s that smell?” as we’re apparently still doing this. Of course, they’re in a barn so it stinks. Bobby then decides to share his new Christmas carol with the family, which his siblings wrote down for him. Aunt Ruth plays the piano as Bobby sings. It’s basically “Deck the Halls,” but with Bobby’s favorite Christmas things. The melody also keeps changing as Bobby introduces new things, most of which were mentioned back when this bit first surfaced. His inability to remember the names of Santa’s reindeer is cute. It ends on the notion of “The spirit of giving is what we should do the whole year round,” and the entire family sings the line.

And this sequence from Bobby’s song is as close to a “Santa in front of a full moon,” as we’re going to get.

The festivities then come to an end and everyone heads home. Old man Bobby comes in to tell his grand kids that was the year he learned what Christmas is really about. We then see Howard carrying Bobby to bed as he remarks he hopes Bobby will remember the lesson from this Christmas. He asks, “Remember what?” and his dad just laughs softly and rubs his head. Bobby then laughs himself and remarks that it’s always fun to tease your parents. Live-action Howie then pops in, crying, telling us how he enjoyed the story. Bobby thinks it’s odd he’s crying, and asks for some meat. He always gets hungry around the holidays apparently. This one is over!

Pleasant dreams, Bob-oh!

The Bobby’s World Christmas special with the stupidly long episode title is okay. It’s so concerned with setting up the moral of the episode that it practically beats the audience over the head with it. It’s too telegraphed, and Bobby giving his lone gift to a spoiled, rich, teen, just doesn’t land in the feels. Maybe if he had given it to an orphan or something, or was just forced to go without, the scene could have had more impact. Instead it just feels too wooden to even be confused with corn. I also dislike how the episode writes Santa off. If I were watching this as a kid, and surely I did at some point, I’d just wonder why Bobby thinks Santa can’t go to his house with his present? Santa doesn’t go to your grandmother’s house, unless you’re sleeping there on Christmas Eve!

We need to check-in one more time with a crying Howie before we say goodbye.

The one thing this episode does have going for it is the likability of Bobby himself. He’s cute, and some of his observations about the world around him are genuinely amusing, though a bunch aren’t as witty as the writing would like you to believe. Most of the other characters are a bit under-served, but this is also one episode out of 81 in which most of these characters have a chance to develop. The family from Philadelphia definitely sucks though, I hope they didn’t return in a future episode.

I hope you ended up getting that Captain Squash thing, Bobby.

If you wish to spend Christmas with Bobby and his family the entire series is available on DVD. It was released as a manufacture on demand title so it’s not the easiest thing to acquire now. It is available via Prime and if you have a subscription it’s included. You can also purchase digital versions of the episode. Bobby’s World also isn’t a well-protected piece of intellectual property so you can also stream it for free. As I write this, it’s available on YouTube so go for it if you wish. This is definitely more of a nostalgia view, if you liked the show as a kid then you’ll probably have fun revisiting it. Otherwise, I give it just a tepid recommend. Watch it if you just feel like experiencing something different from your regular Christmas viewing habits, assuming it isn’t already a part of it.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 15 – Animaniacs – “A Christmas Plotz”

It’s rare when you encounter a cartoon series that has back-to-back episodes dedicated to Christmas, but that happened with the first season of Animaniacs. If you’re not familiar with the show, Animaniacs is essentially the spiritual successor to Tiny Toon Adventures as another Steven Spielberg presented cartoon series. It, even more so than Tiny Toons,…

Keep reading

Dec. 15 – The Night Before Christmas with Tom and Jerry

As someone who loves the cartoon shorts produced by Warner and Disney, I sometimes am guilty of overlooking the contributions of MGM from that same era. MGM was a big player back then, and their flagship creation was Tom and Jerry. The cat and mouse pair first debuted in 1940 and were the creation of…

Keep reading

Dec. 15 – Bugs Bunny’s Looney Christmas Tales

Once upon a time, Bugs Bunny was a big enough star to land numerous television specials. He’s still a recognizable character across the world, but I sometimes feel as if Bugs isn’t as loved as he should be. I can’t recall the last time I saw him standing next to a Warner Bros. logo in…

Keep reading

Dec. 14 – Aqua Teen Hunger Force – “A PE Christmas”

Original air date December 13, 2009.

It was a couple of years ago we looked at the first Aqua Teen Hunger Force Christmas episode because it contained Danzig. I was basically required to talk about it! This year we’re coming back to it, and wouldn’t you know, there is a musical component to this one as well.

If you’re unfamiliar with the show, Aqua Teen Hunger Force was one of the first Adult Swim cartoons to really break-out as a full-fledged hit for the network. It was crudely animated and quite absurd as it detailed three characters based on food items: Master Shake (Dana Snyder), Frylock (Carey Means), and Meatwad (Dave Willis). They are literally a giant shake cup, box of french fries, and a meatball all with a face. Shake has the bonus feature of containing hands too while Frylock is forced to use his “fries” as limbs and Meatwad can basically contort his body into different shapes. The show was created by Dave Willis and Matt Maiellaro with the concept being these three would solve mysteries, only the mysteries would be relatively stupid and the characters would be rather bad at their job. That premise was dropped pretty quickly and it more or less became a show about misadventures. Master Shake would style himself the alpha of the group despite the fact that he’s mean, stupid, and self-centered. Meatwad is more child-like, but also pretty dumb and quite impressionable. Frylock is the only one with any sense of reason and it’s amazing he wasn’t driven insane by those he lives with.

The Aqua Teens (left to right): Frylock, Master Shake, and Meatwad.

The show takes place in New Jersey and the cast of characters would gradually fill out. Neighbor Carl (Willis) was featured the most and frequently found his life being completely upended and sometimes just plain ended by his weird neighbors. It’s funny when misfortune befalls him though as he’s a pretty terrible person as well. Various denizens of space would be added and all manner of just weird would cross paths with the main characters. Each episode was only around 11 minutes and most didn’t have much continuity from one to another. Sometimes characters would re-appear and reference past exploits on the show, but also many episodes end with a main character getting killed only to be returned the next week.

The show returned to Christmas for the Season 7 episode “A PE Christmas.” This episode will see Shake try to once again execute what he considers a brilliant, money-making scheme, that’s really foolish and misguided and destined to fail. Despite being a weird and rather ugly show, Aqua Teen Hunger Force was pretty successful at landing guest spots and this episode features some celebrity cameos like that first Christmas episode we looked at.

This is a very welcoming church, even by church standards.

The episode begins at, of all places, church. Frylock is apparently taking his faith and the role it plays in the Christmas holiday quite seriously, while Shake is not. Meatwad, for his part, is basically just along for the ride. Shake is irritated that there’s no food, pointing out they have bread, but no meat. He needs protein to bulk up for next Halloween (he says, as he mimes a Hulk Hogan pose). Frylock is embarrassed for them as people keep turning and shooting glances their way. Surprisingly, most of the people featured look normal and apparently some are even based on the creative staff on the show (Willis is for sure present in the audience). Shake then tries to get Meatwad to assist him in swiping the donation hat, but is denied by Frylock who actually happens to have money to donate. He tells the two they need to learn about how good it feels to give, while Meatwad notes it feels pretty good to receive as well.

Frylock probably didn’t need to drag him out, I’m sure he would have been more than willing to leave on his own.

Shake continues his rant as it’s evident he wants no part of this. Meatwad just wants to sit on Santa’s lap and it’s soon revealed he has mistaken Jesus for Santa. Frylock corrects him, but Meatwad still seems a bit attached to his theory considering Jesus has a beard, but he notes the stab wound from the spear and the shredded abs as a strike against his theory. Frylock ends up shouting in frustration that “Santa didn’t die for our sins!” which just confuses Meatwad further as now he thinks Frylock is telling him Santa is dead. Shake, who often behaves like an older brother towards Meatwad, sees this as an opening to tease him further by telling him Santa is indeed dead. Meatwad continues to get upset, while Shake keeps going, and Frylock decides enough is enough as he drags Shake out of the church. The whole time Shake is shouting about Jesus the failure wondering aloud how a guy gets himself nailed to a cross, “We’re supposed to revere him for his slow reaction time?!” We also see some inhuman cameos as Frylock drags Shake out so there’s the weird I was looking for.

They decorate, but it’s kind of sad.

Back at their house, we see the “Christmas tree” from the last episode has returned. It’s basically just green crayon on the wall with some stuff glued on. They’ve also added some lights and even a little Charlie Brown tree. There’s a manger in the background and it looks like a wrestling figure is playing the role of Jesus, possibly a WCW Giant or maybe Hillbilly Jim. Frylock is preparing Meatwad for a shitty Christmas, though Meatwad still seems to think he has a shot at a new Super Soaker. This is where Shake reveals he has a money-making plan up his…sleeve? He’s apparently stolen some financial documents from Chuck D and Flavor Flav of Public Enemy. Meatwad notes the print-out for Chuck D is his 401k. Shake seems to think this is enough material to declare that he has stolen their identities and that he intends to record a Christmas album under the Public Enemy heading and call it “Bring Tha Toyz.” He then demands Frylock take him to a recording studio right this very moment on Christmas Eve to record so that he may have it in stores for Christmas Day.

I’d buy it.

We then cut to Shake and Meatwad in a recording studio. Shake is decked out in outlandish hip-hop attire including a massive grill he’s trying to talk through. He eventually spits it out and complains openly about Frylock needing to reimburse him for the hour and a half of studio time they missed out on due to him refusing to drive them. Their technician for the evening is Michael (Michael Kohler) and he is about as excited to be there as one would expect. Meatwad is hoping to slip in some Christmas classics on Shake’s album, but Shake doesn’t seem too receptive. He’s also worried about listeners being able to tell that they are not Public Enemy, but Shake reminds them they’ll be modulating his voice. Plus, it won’t matter since they’ll have already bought the record!

I like the inclusion of the digital clock on Shake’s Flavor Flav costume.

The tape starts rolling and Shake starts spitting his rhymes, “Happy birthday Jesus, you are the one, coming down to Earth from the planet Krypton!” It doesn’t go on much longer than that totaling about 12 seconds. They head into the booth for Michael to play it back. Michael asks somewhat hopefully if they’re done and Shake seems to think they are, despite it being one 12 second track. Meatwad points out that most albums have at least six songs and Shake angrily concedes. He tosses a bottle of soda at Michael and makes a mess as he heads back into the recording booth.

Poor Michael has to put up with Shake’s bullshit when he’d probably rather be somewhere else on Christmas Eve.

Shake then raps a bunch of nonsense about what he’s looking at “Stapler on the desk,” and the lack of lumbar support on his chair. He declares it done after only a few seconds. Meatwad sees this as an opportunity to get one of his songs onto the record, but Shake insists that Jesus doesn’t want him to sing on his record. Meatwad continues to press Shake, only for him to relent because he has to go take a dump, though he orders Michael not to roll on this take that is about to take place. As Meatwad sings “Silent Night,” we can hear the sounds of Shake’s “movement” over Meatwad’s vocals. Meatwad asks of Michael to close the bathroom door, but he tells Meatwad it is as Shake continues to shout something about eels. He eventually emerges with a plunger and informs Michael someone from his entourage must have plugged up the toilet as water starts filling the studio.

Santa has odd taste.

The next morning, at the house the guys wake up to find a bunch of eels in the living room by their tree. Meatwad thinks Santa brought them for him and asks Frylock if he can keep them while Shake informs us these came out of him. They look like big worms and they have this weird expression on their “faces” that looks kind of tired, but also is possibly hiding an existence of constant pain. Shake then declares they need to go see how his record is selling.

There’s only one way into a store on Christmas.

Outside a store called Better Buy, Shake is trying to get through the doors, but they’re locked. Frylock gets in an “I told you so,” since it’s Christmas Day so of course the store is closed. It’s also likely the record isn’t in there anyway since they recorded it last night. Shake is a being devoid of logic though, so he starts trying to pry open the door with a monkey wrench. Meatwad and Frylock bail as an alarm blares, and Shake gets fed up and just tosses a garbage can through the door and goes in.

How dare they arrest Flavor Flav on Christmas?!

We cut to Shake in a holding cell back in his hip hop attire demanding to be let out because he is Flavor Flav. There are two guys behind in the corner, one being a reoccurring homeless man character model, who seem to ignore his ranting. He then wonders aloud just what he ate in Chuck D’s dumpster as more eels explode out of his backside. Since he’s a paper cup, he just collapses in a crumpled heap on the floor while the two guys behind him get sprayed with shit-blood to no reaction.

That’s a pretty sight.

We then get to see an additional scene in which Meatwad meets Chuck D (himself) disguised as Flavor Flav. Chuck D is rather confused by Flav’s appearance, but Meatwad assures him he just lost some weight. He also returns to him all of the stuff Shake had stolen, which apparently included a lot more than he had revealed earlier in the episode. He also compliments Chuck on his credit score. He then advises him to lock his dumpster, and Chuck D corrects him that it’s not a dumpster, but actually a lair for his space eels. Meatwad then demos the song he recorded, “Silent Night” with Shake’s farting and groaning over it, and Chuck D actually likes it and declares, “It’s gonna be huge.” We hard-cut to the ending credits which feature Shake’s Christmas rap, “Twas the Night Before Jesus,” only sung by Schoolly D, the regular performer for the opening credits.

This episode is pretty ridiculous, but what is somewhat surprising is it actually contains more Christmas than the previous episode we looked at. It does a good job of finding a use for the holiday within the world that is Aqua Teen Hunger Force and any episode involving some ridiculous Shake scheme to make money is often pretty entertaining. There’s some great lines from Shake and his exchanges with Meatwad are humorous, but the real scene-stealer is probably the engineer, Michael, who deadpans all of his lines. Kohler does a great job of just capturing the mood of an employee who wants nothing to do with his job at the moment without outwardly stating that.

The engineer, Michael, is perhaps my favorite character in this episode. He has to put up with a lot of shit. Literally.

Interestingly, the episode must not have been finished for its original airing in December, 2009. It originally ended with Shake’s back exploding and the eels emerging. The scene with Chuck D wasn’t added until it aired in March of 2010. I’m guessing the episode was rushed before they could get Chuck D’s audio recorded so it could air during the Christmas season, unless Chuck D happened to see it and liked it and thus an opportunity was presented to tack on a guest appearance. Either way, I actually think both endings work because the show is often so surreal and absurd that something like eel diarrhea doesn’t necessarily need an explanation. It’s certainly nice to have one though, and as a final dig towards Shake it turns out Chuck D likes Meatwad’s song instead of his.

This is a Christmas episode that is not likely to provide the usual dose of Christmas “feels,” but you’ll probably get some laughs. If you’re real passionate about the Christian side of the holiday then maybe some of the church scene will turn you off, but this was never meant to appeal to devout Christians looking to celebrate Jesus. And for what it’s worth, Shake does get his comeuppance by the end. If you wish to view it, it’s been released as part of Season 7 of Aqua Teen Hunger Force both on physical media formats and digitally. For some reason, it’s listed as part of Season 9 in some places so check first if you’re looking to buy a whole season. The entire series is also streaming on HBO Max. It’s also likely that Adult Swim will rebroadcast it this month as the network is pretty good about re-airing its Christmas episodes every year, though some of the older ones can get lost in the shuffle since there are just so many at this point. At just over 11 minutes long, it’s certainly worth a look this Christmas if this show’s humor appeals to you.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 14 – Heathcliff – “North Pole Cat”

  Heathcliff, despite being a cat, shares a similarity to a certain cookie. And that cookie is Hydrox, the chocolate and cream sandwhich style cookie often mistaken for an Oreo. When I was a kid, Hydrox was the inferior Oreo, the knock-off, and I suspect that was true for a lot of people. The funny…

Keep reading

Dec. 14 – Olaf’s Frozen Adventure

Just past the halfway point is where our most controversial Christmas special appears:  Olaf’s Frozen Adventure. It’s not controversial for anything fun. No alluring scenes or hints of violence or anything like that. It’s controversial because of how poorly received it was when it was paired last year with the Pixar film Coco for it’s…

Keep reading

Dec. 14 – Bonkers: Miracle at the 34th Precinct

Bonkers was a late inclusion in the Disney Afternoon, a post DuckTales/TailSpin/Rescue Rangers program and contemporary to Goof Troop and Gargoyles. It’s a show about a bobcat named Bonkers who serves in the Toon Police alongside his partner Lucky Piquel (pronounced Pickle by most characters, but it’s supposed to be Pee-kell, making it a running…

Keep reading

Misfits Holiday Fiend Figure from NECA

2020 will be remembered for a lot of things, many of them not good. One non-negative aspect of 2020 that will be memorable for me was that it was the year I really got back into toy collecting. Most of that was courtesy of NECA toys and their various Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lines. Those started hitting retail in 2019, but that year was largely a catch-up year as NECA rolled out figures to market that had previously been made available as convention exclusives, which I had purchased at the time. The first new to me figure release came in November of 2019 in the form of the cartoon Bebop and Rocksteady two-pack. Waves 3 and 4 hit in 2020 along with new releases in the movie line such as Casey Jones and Super Shredder. Super7 got in on the fun too launching its own line of TMNT products and I didn’t just stop with that brand. I also got figures from Hasbro, Bandai, and more as the lack of entertainment options and stay-at-home orders had me turning to toys to fill time.

Since 2020 ended up being a big year for toys on this blog, it seems only fitting to interrupt the annual Christmas Spot advent calendar (don’t worry, this doesn’t replace a normal entry) with a holiday themed toy review. In this case, it’s the Holiday Fiend action figure from NECA. The Fiend, also known as The Crimson Ghost or Misfits Ghost, is the mascot of the horror-punk band The Misfits. When it comes to Misfits fandom, there have been two camps for the past 25 years: the Glenn Danzig camp and the Jerry Only camp. Sometimes the fandoms have overlapped, but for the most part fans seem to pick sides. For me, I was always team Glenn. Nothing personal when it comes to Only, but I just never liked his version of The Misfits. The original band broke-up in 83, and it wasn’t until the mid-90s that Only and his brother Doyle tried to resurrect the band. After some litigation with their former frontman, it was decided the two individuals would share merchandising rights to The Misfits and that Only could continue the band without Danzig. Shockingly, The Misfits have now existed as a Jerry Only band far longer than it did with Glenn Danzig as the singer and songwriter of the group.

Santa Fiend has come to town!
He’s got a bag that’s filled with…something.

Since I wasn’t a fan of “The Newfits,” I tended to avoid the merch put out by that band. I did end up with a t-shirt here and there, but I tended to only buy stuff that Danzig put out. The same has been true of the various dolls and toys that have come out over the years, including the original release of this figure I’m about to talk about. The original NECA release of The Fiend is clearly an homage to the album cover of American Psycho, the big come-back record for Jerry’s version of The Misfits. Being that, I never had much interest in it. Throw in a dash of Christmas though and now you have my attention! I’ve managed to resist Christmas themed releases before with The Misfits. Only’s band even covered the holiday classic “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” and released it as a single with artwork basically depicting a mash-up of the classic character with the Misfits Fiend. I was able to resist though, and it was made easier by the fact that the cover was really not very good. I’ve caved this time though and it’s time to find out if that was worth it.

If you want to lessen the Santa look you can remove the hate, though why would you want to do that?

The Fiend comes in a window box package featuring some festive artwork on the front. Inside you get a good look at the contents of the box with some nice product shots on the back. The Fiend stands at about eight inches and is basically just a plain, black, action figure. And that’s because you’re never meant to see what’s under his robe, and I don’t think the source material has ever revealed what’s supposed to be there anyway. All that is visible are the face and hands, which are skeletal in nature, but also have always embodied the look of the serial from which the character originated. That means that rather than just being an actual skeleton, the being is clearly wearing black gloves with printed bones and the head is wearing a mask. The new, festive, robe is meant to be the defining characteristic and it’s a plush, red, piece of fabric that looks rather lovely draped over this handsome boy. The ends of the sleeves and the hem of which have been embroidered with white to give the figure a very Santa Claus look. And he even has the hat to complete the ensemble. The robe isn’t mean to be removed, but I’m sure you could if you wished. The hat is and it sits over the normal hood The Fiend features. A plush, green, sack is also included to create a Santa Fiend look and one is left to ponder what this creature would bring to all of the good little boys and girls of the world? Skulls?

Oh, my!

The base figure underneath is pretty basic. I think, but I don’t know for sure since this is the first horror or music figure I’ve purchased from NECA, that this body is pretty standard for the company’s clothed releases. The head is on a simple ball peg (and it’s really tight) with good rotation and tilt. The shoulders are standard ball-joints and the elbows and knees on this figure are single-jointed hinges. The wrists rotate and have a hinge each and unlike the head are really easy to remove, so much so that I accidentally have popped them out when manipulating the figure. There is no ab or upper body rotation, but there is a waist swivel. The legs are on ball-joints and actually have very good range of motion. There’s a thigh swivel and the ankles are hinged. The Fiend, if you were wondering, appears to be wearing black high-tops. It’s an acceptable amount of articulation for what this figure is, but one thing missing that disappoints me is the lack of peg holes on the bottoms of the feet. This guy can be tricky to stand because of all of the material draped over the figure and I really wish I could utilize the standard NECA stand. Instead, something more like a Barbie stand is needed as I don’t want to spend 10 bucks on an action stand for a figure that literally just needs to stand.

He looks positively resplendent in those robes!

The star of the show is the Christmas soft goods. The robe is really nice to look at and NECA included wires where needed. It shimmers in natural light and really catches the eye and I love that it’s hemmed with white at the cuffs and bottom of the robe. A Velcro strip runs up the front of the robe so if you wish to take a peek underneath you certainly can. The hood is a separate piece that is stitched to the back of the robe. It has a wire running through the hem and you’ll probably have to manipulate it a bunch out of the box. The only odd aspect of the robe I’m not sold on are the sleeves. They’re meant to have large cuffs that hang low, but NECA tailored the white onto a smaller cuff to go around the hand leaving a big hole behind it for the rest of the red cuff to hang down. I think it would look better if they had done the white around the whole thing and inserted another wire for posing as it’s just kind of weird as-is. The hat is a simple, Santa, hat that also contains a wire. It fits snugly on the Fiend’s head and looks pretty terrific. The sack is basically just a piece of green velvet-like material with a string tied around the end. There’s nothing inside it, though it has a wire running around it to allow for some posing. I kind of wish NECA had filled it with cotton or something to fluff it up. I suppose I could do that myself if I was willing to mess with the knot on it. It gets the job done though.

If you prefer a more “classic” look, NECA included a second, all-white, face on a second head.
Christmas Evilive!

NECA opted to include some swap-able parts with this figure, though they’re not particularly exciting. The finish on the face of the included head has some embellishments on it. I think it’s from the original release which is aiming to mimic the American Psycho cover by Basil Gogos (who also did the art for this release) which was going for a grave-emerging or crypt-lurking kind of look. Only now, the colors are a muted red and green to go with the whole Christmas theme, but it almost looks like some sort of weird camo. I’m not really a fan. The alternate head is a bone white version with no added paint which is basically how the character was depicted in art on the classic releases like Horror Business. The hands on the stock version also feature the same red and green paint on the back of the hand and they provide alternate bone white versions to match the face. All four hands are in a relaxed, open, position. He doesn’t have any proper gripping hands, but since the sack is light and empty he can still hold onto it well enough. Swapping the head on this guy was quite a bitch. I had to give it a real, good, tug to get the stock one off and I heated the other one with running water to get it on. I didn’t want to use a heat gun or anything given the presence of soft goods which could catch fire. At least I don’t like the regular head very much so I shouldn’t have to swap it again.

I think this is the look I’ll stick with.

The Christmas version of NECA’s The Fiend action figure is largely as expected. While I think there could have been some better design choices and I wish the stock head better matched the artwork, this figure should largely satisfy any Misfits fan looking to add the ghost to their holiday decorating. I love Christmas decorations and this guy will certainly stand out with what I already have. I could even see some NECA collectors paring this guy with the Santa Stripe released this year from the Gremlins line. And fans of the Jerry Only Misfits who already have the Horror X-Mas release should definitely try and pair that with this for their holiday display. The only reason not to is the price. At an MSRP of $35, this guy is on the pricier end of NECA releases. That could have something to do with the cost of the license, and anyone who saw the merch prices at the more recent Misfits shows know how expensive that stuff can get, and it’s definitely more than what I’m used to with NECA given what’s in the box. If price is an issue, maybe wait until the spring when this guy hits clearance. At least this isn’t an exclusive and you should be able to buy this wherever NECA products are sold, in particular the horror figures.

And if you’re still on the fence, he makes a nice tree topper!

Dec. 13 – The 25 Greatest Christmas TV Specials

Five years ago The Christmas Spot did its first advent calendar countdown to Christmas and the theme was “The 25 Greatest Christmas TV Specials.” With that list, my approach wasn’t entirely forthright. I really had a list of 20 specials that I deemed worthy of such an honor and I devoted the back five to specials I felt were worth spotlighting that might otherwise have been overlooked. What I also should have added at the time was that the list is fluid. It’s going to change as we as a society of holiday consumers reevaluate the old and welcome the new. Seeing as it’s been five years, it felt right to look back on that list, re-arrange a few entries, add some more, and kick out some that have grown stale. I should stress, this is all one man’s opinion on television specials and as someone who loves Christmas I do tend to watch a lot of these specials too much and there’s definitely a fatigue factor. The list of holiday fare I indulge in year in and year out goes deeper than 25, so if your favorite isn’t here don’t sweat it. I probably think it’s fine.

For this exercise, I think it makes sense to just go down the list comparing the original to the revised edition. I’ll list the number and the entry with the previous ranking (if applicable) in parenthesis after and the 2015 entry after that, like so:

25. A Flintstone Christmas (#9) (Moral Orel – The Best Christmas Ever)

I like A Flintstone Christmas a lot, but I’ve also seen it a lot and I think it just doesn’t affect me in the same way now as it did years ago. As for Moral Orel, it’s a fine, dark, Christmas special and not something I need to watch every year.

24. American Dad! – For Whom the Sleigh Bell Tolls (UR) (Winnie the Pooh and Christmas Too)

American Dad! has become one of the titans of Christmas as it has a new special almost every year. “For Whom the Sleigh Bell Tolls” is bloody and insane, which is what makes it the most memorable for me, but there are a lot of contenders from this show. Winnie the Pooh’s foray into Christmas is plenty sweet, but also not very remarkable.

23. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (#13) (Robot Chicken’s Half-Assed Christmas Special)

Rudolph is a classic, but let’s not kid ourselves, it’s mostly included on all of these lists because of its classic status. It’s kind of ugly, and I think most of us watch it out of habit as opposed to pure enjoyment. Still, there’s no replicating that warm, nostalgic, feel it’s still capable of conjuring up. As for Robot Chicken, I very much enjoy the marathon sessions Adult Swim will air during December, but it’s designed to be disposable and the jokes are very hit or miss.

22. Olaf’s Frozen Adventure (UR) (Invader Zim – Most Horrible X-Mas Ever)

Olaf’s special wasn’t around in 2015, but it looks like it’s going to be an annual tradition for awhile. It’s funny, warm, and even features songs I don’t hate. He’s quickly become the most charismatic snowman around. Invader Zim is fine, but if you want an absurd Christmas story then I think there’s better out there (like American Dad!).

21. The Tick Loves Santa (UR) (Married…with Children – You Better Watch Out)

In 2020, offbeat and silly superhero stuff is really appealing given how superheroes rule the box office (or would in a normal year). That makes The Tick a series I can appreciate even more now than I did back in 94. And watching The Tick bumble his way through a Christmas story is a great deal of fun. It knocks off the only live-action special from 2015 to be featured on this list. Married…with Children is sort of like the sitcom version of American Dad! because it has a lot of Christmas specials, and most are pretty subversive. It’s still worth watching, but it was always at risk of being dropped for the simple fact that I favor cartoons.

20. Bob’s Burgers – Christmas in the Car (UR) (The Snowman)

Bob’s Burgers and American Dad! are battling it out to be the current king of Christmas since both are prepared seemingly year in and year out. I give the edge to the Belcher family, and while it’s hard to pick a favorite from this crew, I think “Christmas in the Car” is still the reigning champ though I seem to warm more and more to “Father of the Bob” every time I view it. The Snowman is the victim I feel the worst about. It’s not moving up the ranks, but out. I know a lot of folks adore it, but I’ve just never been able to feel the same way about it. Sorry!

19. Frosty the Snowman (#15) (It’s a SpongeBob Christmas)

Like Rudolph, Frosty is skating by on reputation at this point. Unlike Rudolph though, I still feel charmed by this one whenever I watch it. The characters are goofy, some of the plot points make no sense, and that damn song will forever remain catchy. As for SpongeBob, worry not for him, for he will appear later on this list in a more prominent position.

18. Beavis and Butt-Head Do Christmas (#18) (Beavis and Butt-Head Do Christmas)

Hey! One that didn’t change! Spoiler alert, but this one is just the first to not move a spot. This one is wonderfully stupid and subversive. Many confuse Beavis and Butt-Head for just stupid, but there’s a lot of satire to be found with the duo. It’s not for everyone, but it sure is funny.

17. Futurama – Xmas Story (#12) (A Muppet Family Christmas)

Futurama hangs on slipping just five spots. It wasn’t in any real danger to fall off as I love the show and I love it’s take on Christmas. The Muppets, on the other hand, were mostly on the old version for the novelty of their special and nostalgia. Admittedly though, the special isn’t great and has maybe 2 or 3 good laughs during its hour-long runtime. Plus that ending goes on and on…

16. A Charlie Brown Christmas (#4) (Yes, Virginia)

Hoo-boy was I coward in 2015! Charlie Brown is a classic, but it’s also quite dull. It’s quotable, has great music, and the good-bad voice acting is somehow really charming. It’s near the top of many lists because it’s been around so long and boomers love it while younger generations were forced to enjoy it. Top 16 is still good, but we all need to be more honest when it comes to Charlie Brown. Yes, Virginia is super sweet and I love the ending, it’s getting there that’s tough. The special is pretty slow and the CG is downright ugly. This one would have been a lot better as a short, but maybe someone will return to it and do just that. And if you hadn’t heard, A Charlie Brown Christmas is airing tonight on PBS at 7:30 PM local time (6:30 CT) which is big news since It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown was frozen out of a broadcast airing in 2020 for the first time ever.

15. A Pinky and the Brain Christmas (UR) (Frosty the Snowman)

This one was just an oversight on my part back in 2015. I had not seen it in years, but when I re-watched it for The Christmas Spot in 2017 I was reminded of how wonderful a viewing it is. That ending gets me every time.

14. The Night Before Christmas starring Tom and Jerry (UR) (A Very Special Family Guy Freakin’ Christmas)

Another one I forgot about and overlooked, Tom and Jerry’s battle under the Christmas tree is full of the usual gags the duo is known for. The animation is gorgeous, especially the backgrounds, and it tops it all off with a really sweet ending. Family Guy was generously ranked in this spot in 2015 and actually was a tough omission this time around. I do still like that special, easily the best Family Guy Christmas episode I’ve seen, but I basically gave it the boot in favor of the superior show, American Dad!

13. Duck the Halls (UR) (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)

It’s Donald Duck and it’s Christmas – it was practically made for me! Duck the Halls is hilarious and the animation is great. Sure, it isn’t ink and paint like the old days, but I find it plenty pleasing. Tony Anselmo gives maybe his best performance ever as Donald, and if anything I’m penalizing this one because we have more Donald to come.

12. Rocko’s Modern Christmas (UR) (Futurama – Xmas Story)

I love Rocko, but in 2015 I had all but forgotten about his Christmas special. Well, not this time as I’m putting him just outside the Top 10. The story is fairly simple, but Rocko is so likable and sympathetic that it makes this one instantly charming. And let’s not forget the great gags like the constipated cloud and the living (until it’s not) Christmas tree.

11. It’s a SpongeBob Christmas (#19) (Prep & Landing)

SpongeBob is moving up in the world and actually is the biggest mover, in a positive direction, this time around. My affection for this stop-motion Christmas special seems to grow and grow each year. In 2015 it was still pretty new so a recency bias worked against it, but five years later I’m more than ready to declare this a modern Christmas classic. And the same can be said for the special that once occupied this spot.

10. South Park – Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo (#8) (A Garfield Christmas)

Mr. Hanky just barely hangs onto a top 10 spot this time out. Is his spot in danger? Yes, considering my love of SpongeBob and Donald Duck. For now though, let’s just reflect on how crazy this special was when it first showed up in 1997 and how South Park used to have a new Christmas special every year. My, how the times have changed.

9. Prep & Landing (#11) (A Flintstone Christmas)

I’m surprised I held Prep & Landing out of the Top 10 last time around, but like SpongeBob, I guess I just wasn’t quite ready to let someone new into the club. The CG still looks great on this one and the story is unique, fun, and even heart-warming. New Christmas specials arrive every year, but rarely does one actually add to the whole Santa Claus lore in a meaningful way, but that’s what Prep & Landing has done. These elves aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

8. A Garfield Christmas (#10) (Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo)

The fat cat who loves lasagna gets to move up a couple spots, largely benefiting from folks like Fred Flintstone and Charlie Brown getting kicked further down the line. This 1987 special is still a treat to take in that blends humor with a surprising amount of sentiment. It’s a shame it lost the network timeslot it held for many years.

7. DuckTales – Last Christmas! (UR) (Toy Tinkers)

DuckTales has made a comeback since 2015 and included among the new episodes is the show’s first ever Christmas special, and it’s wonderful! It turns the story of A Christmas Carol on its head, in a way, with a time travel tale all its own and features the first mother-son pairing of Della and Duey Duck. Plus it has a fantastic cameo from the late, great, Russi Taylor. If you have yet to see it, fix that this year. Especially since word has come out recently the show isn’t being renewed for a fourth season. 2020 just refuses to stop sucking!

6. Toy Tinkers (#7) (Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire)

The Donald Duck/Chip and Dale vehicle moves up one spot this year. It matters little as this is a cartoon all animation lovers and Christmas enthusiasts should make a point to watch every year. The only negative is that the gunplay contained within this one means Disney+ will likely continue to shun it making it a tad harder to come by.

5. A Chipmunk Christmas (#3) (Pluto’s Christmas Tree)

Alvin and the gang spin a fine Christmas tale. I thought highly enough of it to rank it in the top 3 last time, but I’m bumping it down just a couple of spots this year as I basically rearrange some things. This one is becoming a little harder to come by each year as you can’t guarantee a network showing, but DVDs are cheap so grab one if you need it!

4. Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire (#6) (A Charlie Brown Christmas)

The premiere episode of The Simpsons is still my favorite Christmas special the show has done. Sure, it’s a bit rough to look at these days, but the story is great, classic, Simpsons. I just wish it and the other 80s Christmas specials on this list were celebrated as much as the stuff from the 60s that hasn’t aged so well. Well, most of that stuff has aged horribly, but there’s one notable omission we’ll get to shortly.

3. Pluto’s Christmas Tree (#5) (A Chipmunk Christmas)

Alvin and Pluto essentially switched places largely because I just love this little short. It’s just perfect. The scenery inside the Christmas tree featuring Chip and Dale is just the best. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it every time I watch this short – I want to live in that tree. The physical comedy is fantastic, and I just absolutely adore this short. Unlike Toy Tinkers, you can find this one on Disney+ 365 days out of the year. I’ll probably watch it at least a dozen times between now and Christmas.

2. Mickey’s Christmas Carol (#2)

Mickey and our number one didn’t move, and that’s with good reason. This is my preferred version of A Christmas Carol, and frankly, we don’t need any more. It’s the only one on this list other than the parody featured in Beavis and Butt-Head (I don’t really consider “Last Christmas!” an adaptation) which is kind of surprising to me, but it also feels right. This one is beautiful and features some phenomenal voice acting. I’ll never not tear-up at the sight of a crying Mickey when he visits Tiny Tim’s grave, ditto for when Scrooge informs him he’s getting promoted at the end. I’m getting misty eyed right now just thinking about it.

  1. Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas (#1)

It was number one in 2015, and it will likely remain number one for as long as I’m alive. How the Grinch Stole Christmas is just a perfect Christmas special. It features a story full of heart, humor, redemption, and joy. It’s gorgeously animated with a style unique to both Dr. Seuss and animator Chuck Jones. The music is equally as memorable and the narration from Boris Karloff is the only voice people hear in their heads now-a-days when reading the source material. There’s nothing I’d change about this special, and if I had to pick just one Christmas special to watch annually it would be this one.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 13 – How to Grinch

Christmas has a number of characters that instantly come to mind at the mere mention of the holiday. The big man, good old S. Claus, is likely number one. Whether you know him as Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas, or something else, Santa Claus has dominated the holiday for decades now. Other characters commonly associated with…

Keep reading

Dec. 13 – Donald Duck in Christmas on Bear Mountain

For these features, I like to do something a little different at the midway point. This year I’m going to take a look at the classic Donald Dock comic “Christmas on Bear Mountain.” Donald Duck wasn’t just a movie star back in the day, but he also starred in his own line of comics published…

Keep reading

Dec. 13 – Christmas Commercialism Part II

We’re about halfway through our countdown and ever so close to that magical day that is Christmas! And since these posts seem to be getting longer and longer, here’s a nice breezy one to save me some valuable time. We’re often told and reminded over and over by Christmas specials that the spirit of Christmas…

Keep reading

Dec. 12 – King of the Hill – “The Unbearable Blindness of Laying”

Original air date December 21, 1997

After yesterday’s horrid feature, I feel that today calls for a Christmas special that’s actually good. And in order to satisfy that desire, I’m heading for Arlen, Texas for our first look at a special from the animated sitcom, King of the Hill. Back when King of the Hill premiered on the Fox Network in 1997, creator Mike Judge was basically known for one thing: Beavis and Butt-Head. The dimwitted pair of Gen-Xers were often misunderstood by the general public. Most saw it as a stupid show and not as the parody it was. That was also partly due to kids like me watching the show and actually viewing the titular duo in a positive light. If they liked a band or music video, then it must be cool, even though the whole premise of the show was that these were a pair of losers worthy of mocking.

The lazy way to describe the premise of King of the Hill is to say Judge took his character Tom Anderson from Beavis and Butt-Head and gave him his own show, only now he had a new name: Hank Hill. And while the two characters certainly share a similar voice, King of the Hill is very much a conventional sitcom about how one family continues to adapt to an ever-changing world. It’s surprisingly open-minded as I think most turn to Hank Hill as some sort of beacon for conservative thought, but the man is far more nuanced than just some redneck Texan. He certainly possesses some prejudice and strong opinions on masculine matters, but he often reacts in a positive manner when he’s shown his point of view is wrong. And the things he remains stubborn on, like the virtues of propane or his preference for beer, are often inconsequential.

King of the Hill was pretty successful from the get-go. It premiered in May of 1997 with the usual small order of episodes for a first season, but was quickly picked up. The second season would premiere a mere four months after the series premiere and it’s in that second season the show would give us its first Christmas episode. “The Unbearable Blindness of Laying” is a pretty funny episode and it might be the show’s best Christmas episode. I know a lot of people like the Season Three episode “Pretty, Pretty, Dresses” and maybe we can look at that one next year, but I’m still pretty attached to this one. This episode is yet another episode of the show where Hank is forced to adapt to a pretty significant change in his world. His mother, long since divorced from his father, is going to show up for Christmas with a new man in tow. And to make things just a bit more complicated, he’s Jewish. Hank isn’t an anti-semite or anything, but he’s often awkward when forced to deal with something he’s unaccustomed to. I also wanted to pick this episode because it features a guest starring role from the late Carl Reiner, who was unfortunately one of 2020’s victims. It’s hard to feel bad for someone who passed away at the ripe old age of 98, but 2020 was such a shitty year that it would have been nice if Reiner could have made it to 2021.

The episode begins with a twangy, instrumental, rendition of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,” which is the perfect song to choose considering what the plot has in store for us today. All of the folks in the neighborhood are out stringing lights in celebration of the coming holiday. As a denizen of the north eastern part of the US, it’s always a little funny for me to see Christmas in a warm environment. Hank (Judge) is finishing up with his lights when wife Peggy (Kathy Najimy) approaches. Hank is making sure the colored lights are in their proper order as Peggy questions why he’s not excited to see his mother. Hank corrects her that he is excited to see her, it’s been two years since they were last together, but he’s nervous about meeting her new boyfriend.

Hank’s memory of how his father treated his mother.

As Peggy and Hank wait for Hank’s mother, Tilly (Tammy Wynette), at the airport gate, Peggy tries to get Hank to warm up to seeing his mom with a new man. Hank is clearly traumatized from his youth when his father treated his mother like a footrest. We even get a cut-away of Cotton Hill (Toby Huss) literally using Tilly as a footrest in the kitchen while she scrubs the floor. He can’t imagine why she would sign-up for more of the same as he apparently can’t fathom his mother finding a man who treats her well. Tilly then emerges from the the connecting tunnel carrying two pieces of luggage which irritates Hank immediately. Tilly then shakes his hand, two-handed style, which unnerves Hank who is not one for public displays of affection as he tells his mother one-hand only.

The Hills meet Gary.

Tilly’s boyfriend then comes strolling in from the restroom (“You flush it and where does it go?”) and goes right into a much bigger display of affection. Reiner voices him as the stereotypical old Jewish man, which makes sense since Reiner himself is an old Jewish man. He embraces Peggy and kisses her cheek and goes for a big hug with Hank. Hank is clearly unnerved, but Tilly’s boyfriend, Gary Kasner, isn’t going to back down or allow Hank’s obvious discomfort to sway him.

At the Hill residence, Hank informs his mother and Gary of the expected sleeping arrangements. Gary is to sleep on a cot in son Bobby’s room, which prompts Tilly to ask if Hank is uncomfortable with she and Gary sleeping together. Hank assures her it never entered his mind until she said something, and now he can’t possibly think of anything else as he heads down the hall to presumably setup the cot.

When times get rough, turn to your buds and suds.

Outside, Hank drinks beer with the rest of the nieghborhood: Dale (Johnny Hardwick), Bill (Stephen Root), and Boomhauer (Judge). Hank is venting about Gary, and when he says the man’s full name Dale questions if he’s German. Hank corrects him that he’s Jewish, and there’s an awkward silence before Dale demonstrates that he’s surprisingly receptive. Hank is mostly suspicious of the guy because of the luggage thing and the fact that he won’t eat steak after having a bypass, noting his boss gets an annual bypass and eats steak every day! This gets Bill and Dale discussing sacred animals to certain faiths, prompted by Bill first mistakenly thinking cows were sacred to Jews, ending with Bill rationalizing that he can’t follow a religion that restricts his diet. There are ways to get into Heaven, but if that’s one of them then Bill wants no part of it!

Bobby, the budding comedian, finds a role model of sorts in Gary.

Inside the house, Gary and Bobby (Pamela Adlon) are getting ready for bed as Gary will be sleeping on a cot in Bobby’s room. Bobby notes that he and Gary have the same build, which feels like the start of a subplot where Bobby and Gary become kindred spirits. Gary agrees with Bobby’s assessment and Bobby asks him if he’s a war hero like his biological grandfather. Gary replies he’s not, though he spent a lot of time on a submarine in Korea which prompts Bobby to ask about toilets on a submarine. Gary laughs and remarks, “You, I like.” Bobby has apparently never heard anyone phrase “I like you,” in such a manner and concludes it’s funnier to say it that way, but in a very nonchalant, deadpan, manner. It also causes Bobby to think everyone from Arizona, where Gary and Tilly traveled from, speaks like Gary.

Hank is then shown tossing and turning in bed. Apparently, he is so bothered by the presence of Gary it’s affecting his sleep, even though he successfully managed to get Gary and his mom into separate rooms. We see time pass from 11:00 to 1:20 and at that point Hank gets up. In the living room (or den, or whatever) he finds Gary sitting on the couch eating something he found. Gary is happy to see Hank as he wants to know what this “delicious cutlet” he’s eating is. Hank tells him it’s chicken-fried steak and Gary suggests he’ll count it under chicken, since he’s allowed to eat that. He then tells Hank to sit down and suggests they have a talk.

Hank’s “favorite” TV program.

Hank, obviously a bit uneasy about this situation, does as suggested and takes a seat beside Gary. Gary starts by saying Hank’s mother means a lot to him and begins to weave a tale about lonliness in the senior years that Hank cuts off quite quickly by turning on the TV. He tells Gary his favorite “program” is on and what comes on is some TV preacher curing hiccups. Now it’s Gary’s turn to be uncomfortable as he asks Hank, rather carefully, if he believes in this stuff and Hank is fully committed to the lie to get Gary to shut up as he insists he’s not to be disturbed while watching his favorite program.

Love is in the air.

The next morning, the Hills are getting ready to go watch middle school basketball. Bobby is annoying Hank with his “Arizona speak” while Luanne (Brittany Murphy) is insistent they get there before tip-off so she knows which basket belongs to which team. Hank asks his mother if she wants to come along, but she declines. The Hills leave and Gary pops into the kitchen. The sight of Tilly in her robe has Gary feeling a bit frisky after spending the night apart and Tilly seems receptive to his advances.

Oh, my!

In the car, Hank asks Peggy if she remembered to bring the novelty foam finger for the game. She replies in the affirmative, but Hanks keeps escalating the questions: “Does it say number one on it?” “Yes, Hank.” “The basketball one?” “Ugh.” Hank turns the car around because this finger is obviously very important to the middle school basketball game experience. When Hank gets back in the house, he finds the finger on the couch, but hears an odd noise coming from the kitchen. He remarks to himself (in his head) that it sounds like the dryer is on, but his mother’s robe and Gary’s pajamas have been strewn about in the living room. Hank then peers into the kitchen and a look of horror spreads across his face. We’re then “treated” to numerous close-ups and cuts of two, old, wrinkly, bodies going to Pound Town. We see Gary’s USS Trout II tattoo, his pacemaker scar, lots of veins, a few smiles, with the camera lingering on a medical alert bracelet which glistens in the morning sunlight.

Hank backs away from the scene, shaking. His pupils have retreated from each other and we then see Hank’s perspective as the den starts to fade away into nothing. Hank stumbles outside groping for the car. He gets in and tries to start it up, but fumbles the keys. Peggy then realizes her husband is blind! Bobby, ever the comedian, uses this as an opportunity to try out some Gary-speak with a “Blind, he’s gone now!”

Hank’s googly eyes on display.

Hank and Peggy visit an optometrist who concludes that there’s nothing wrong with Hank’s eyes and it doesn’t appear as if he’s had a stroke. He then accusingly asks Hank if he poked himself in the eye, and Hank is adamant he did not. At this point, one of Hank’s pupils is looking down and the other is looking up which is a distracting, but funny, visual that will persist for the remainder of the episode. Peggy is a bit delirious and starts demanding the doctor use some of the fancy machinery she sees all around them to fix Hank’s eyes, even insisting he use some laser in the corner. The doctor says “All right,” but Hank shouts over him. It’s a line delivered with such subtlety that I missed it the first time I watched the scene. Hank then asks if it’s possible to lose your sight after seeing something terrible. The doctor then talks about hysterical blindness and gives a couple of books on the subject to Peggy. He then tells Hank the only way to cure it is to confront what he saw, then adding in a line about when Hank is ready to admit he poked himself that he should come back and get fixed right up.

On the car ride home, Peggy confronts Hank about what he saw. Hank says he can’t tell her lest he lose his voice. Peggy keeps prodding and Hank finally relents. He can barely get it out, but he tells her he saw his mother and Gary in a compromising position. Peggy initially laughs at him, then tells him to get over it referring to him as a big baby. Hank tells her it’s not that easy then asks her how she’d feel if she saw her mother in the arms of a 65 year old man wearing nothing but a submarine tattoo on the kitchen table? Peggy then turns dark and angrily says “I eat breakfast on that table.”

When the two get home, Gary, Tilly, and Bobby are waiting out on the lawn. Hank says he poked his eye and it should get better. When his mom asks “What about the other eye?” he makes up a story about the other eye compensating for the damaged one by shutting down. Gary is confused and remarks he never read about a sympathetic eye condition in any of his psychology magazines which prompts Hank to suggest he read the Ten Commandments. Only Hank is gesturing to a wall and confusing Gary. When he asks “You want I should come over there?” Bobby lets out a chuckle as he picks up more “Arizona speak.”

Lady Bird! No!

In the house, the boys are over watching TV and plenty eager to give Hank a hard time about poking his eye. Hank is wearing the foam finger still as that’s now his guide when he walks around. Bill is really laying into Hank, only his zingers are terrible. He makes a “ring ring” sound and tells Hank the phone is for him and hands him his boot. Hank tries to score one on Bill by throwing the boot back at him, but misses. And worse for Hank, he was holding onto the dog’s, Lady Bird, leash and she bolts after the shoe.

In the kitchen, Bobby and his grandma are rolling dough for cookies when Peggy walks in on them. She freaks out seeing the two prepare cookies on the now defiled table and sweeps everything off of it. Tilly lets out a “Peggy!” while Peggy just starts washing the table and matter-of-factly asks if anyone wants to make cookies.

Poor Hank is then shown shaving, and being a real Texas man he uses a blade, and he’s impossibly bad at blind shaving. He manages to shave off a sideburn and nick his face before giving up. He puts some toilet paper on his cut face, only he doesn’t tare it off of the roll so when he stumbles out he has a rather long trail following him. He notices it and lets out a sigh, then tells Jesus that what he really wants for Christmas is his sight back. He then adds he’d like a wrench set too, but that’s more for Santa. Gary witnesses the whole ordeal and has a rather sad expression on his face.

That poor tree is unaware of the danger it’s in.

Later that morning the family is celebrating both Hanukkah and Christmas. Bobby blows out the candles and everyone claps while Hank is kept in the dark over by the tree. He then takes it upon himself to do his usual task of handing out the presents. He picks up the first one and asks if anyone requested something “square” from Santa. He then tosses it in the general direction of everyone saying it’s for Bobby. Of course it’s not and Luanne sees it’s for her and tries to get it from her cousin’s grasp, but Bobby insists it’s now his. He opens it to find a nightgown and indicates he’ll enjoy wearing it when he’s older. Hank then reaches for another one and ends up pulling the tree out from under itself.

The family is then shown seated on the floor beside the repaired tree as Gary hands out the gifts he and Tilly brought. Peggy gets a book about comedians and when she shouts to Hank we see he’s seated in the corner by himself, apparently asleep, though Peggy’s yell wakes him. Gary then says they got another mink coat for Hank and he and Bobby share a laugh. Gary does apologize as he assumes the bit is getting old, suggesting this has been going on for awhile, and Hank sarcastically thanks him for turning his holiday into a Woody Allen picture. He then stands up and says he’ll wait in the truck until it’s time for Peggy to drive him to his dad’s house for Christmas dinner. As he stumbles out the door with his foam finger, Peggy assures Gary that Hank didn’t mean what he said. She then heads outside to confront him, only to find Hank with his foot stuck in a bucket. She tells him he needs to go back inside and face what he saw if he wants to get his sight back. Hank is in no mood and just replies by asking if she’s going to take him to his dad’s now.

I think most viewers expected it would come to this.

We cut to the truck on the road and Hank is relieved to be out of that house away from his mom and Gary. Naturally, this is when we find out that Peggy isn’t driving, but Gary. Hank is rightly confused when Gary responds by asking where they’re going. Hank demands he pull over so he can ride in the bed of the truck, but Gary insists he’ll be more comfortable in the cabin. He then narrates what they’re seeing as Hank gets progressively more and more agitated until he’s literally shouting “Shut up.” To Gary’s credit, none of this phases him as he’s determined to get Hank out of this funk.

The pair eventually arrive at Cotton Hill’s (Toby Huss) home in Houston. When Cotton answers the door he says “You’re late.” Hank says it’s good to hear his dad’s voice, and this time I think he’s serious since he’s probably sick of hearing Gary’s. Cotton asks if he’s still blind, and then slugs Hank in the gut for confirmation. “Either you’re still blind or slow. I’d believe both.” He turns his attention to Gary, and Hank refers to him as his driver. Gary gives Cotton his name, and Cotton reacts angrily to the name “Kasner.” At least he sounds angry, but he always does. He then says “Happy Hanukkah,” and tells Gary he served with one of his “tribe” in the pacific. He says his name was Brooklyn and asks Gary if he knows him. A bit confused, Gary says “I know a Brooks….stein,” which is good enough for Cotton who insists that’s the guy!

Cotton tells Hank they need to go get a tree. Hank tries to place his hand on his dad’s shoulder as a guide, but Cotton rebuffs him, “I didn’t fight off a horny bunker full of privates so you could cop a feel!” They aren’t going far anyway, as Cotton just grabs his shotgun and shoots down a skinny little tree in his yard.

Old shin-less Cotton is one of the show’s funniest characters. The writing is good, but what really makes him work is the performance of voice actor, Toby Huss.

Inside, Hank and Cotton are eating what looks like TV dinners. Hank is trying to talk about the holidays in a nostalgic manner, but no one cares. Cotton instead tries to make small talk with Gary, which is how he finds out that Gary is seeing Tilly. Cotton is surprised to find out anyone would want Tilly in a sexual manner, remarking she was too old for him when he got rid of her. He thinks he’s being helpful by telling Gary she’s spent, but Gary stands up for his woman and insists he doesn’t talk about her like that under penalty of getting his ass kicked! Cotton may be a piece of shit, but he has an odd moral code about him. He respects Gary for standing up for his woman and announces he’s backing down from a physical confrontation, though he does slip in a “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” Gary then tells Hank he’ll wait for him in the truck.

Gary is shown in the truck as Hank stumbles out the front door. He gets out of the truck to help Hank to the passenger side door and tells him he didn’t have to leave early on his account. As the two pause to hear Cotton screaming for his eggnog, Hank sighs and says, “No problem.”

I can’t get enough of Hank’s blind eyes.

The two pull off the highway and Hank remarks they can’t be home yet. Gary says he’s taking him somewhere to get his eyes fixed. Hank tells him he’s already seen a doctor, but Gary corrects him by saying they aren’t talking medicine, they’re talking faith. Hank gets uncomfortable as Gary leads him into a building, worried his god will be angry with him if he sees him in another god’s temple. Gary tells him he’s not taking him to a temple, and if you haven’t figured it out yet, they’re seeing the televangelist Hank insisted hosted his favorite show. Gary confesses he knows how Hank lost his sight, and while he’s not flattered that he made Hank go blind, he’s understanding. Hank then finally realizes where they are when he hears the preacher’s voice.

Who wouldn’t want to spend Christmas here?

The preacher (uncredited, but it sounds like Toby Huss) is giving a sermon about Jesus working on his birthday as he surveys the crowd. Hank, even though he doesn’t actually like this church, is touched that Gary would do something nice for him, even though he’s been a jerk to Gary. Gary tells Hank he did it for his mother, because he’s fond of her. Hank then allows himself to suggest maybe it’s not the worst thing in the world for his mom to be involved with Gary. Gary gets a big, dopey, grin at the sound of that and poor Hank can’t see the incoming hug until it’s too late. He reacts with his usual gasp. He then returns the hug, though only one-handed.

The blindness fades, and old Gary comes into view.

The preacher continues his sermon and states that Jesus can heal the blind. Gary calls out to him to heal Hank and the guy saunters on over. When he asks Gary if Hank is his son, we get the sappy, predictable, “I’d like to think, maybe one day,” and Hank returns the gesture with a slightly less enthusiastic, but still mostly warm “I guess that’s an all right way of thinking.” Then, just like magic, Hank’s vision returns and he even smiles when Gary comes into focus as the priest winds up to smack the blindness away. Hank catches him by the wrist and proclaims he can see! The preacher of course takes all of the credit.

Bill never stood a chance.

As Hank and Gary pull up to Hank’s house, the boys are waiting outside. Dale calls out, “Hey Hank, how’s the weather? Oh wait, you’re blind!” continuing their poor performance in shit-slinging. Bill adds a “Hey Hank, you’re not wearing any pants.” As the two chuckle, Boomhauer is the only one to take notice of Hank emerging from the pickup with a rather large stick in his hand. “He’s got his sight, man, run!” The three scatter as Hank chases after them, easily shoving Bill to the ground, as the credits roll to an instrumental, twangy, rendition of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” We’re then treated to an additional scene during the credits in which Hank declares this the best Christmas ever. It’s mostly a vehicle though for Carl Reiner to make food munching noises as Gary gives Bobby advice on how to mix foods and reasons it’s okay for him to eat so much since it’s Christmas. The last line is the cliché “Are you gonna eat that?” from Gary.

The logical ending.

This is an entertaining Christmas special, and it even throws in some genuine sentimentality to please the Christmas traditionalists out there. I like how the episode tries to setup its southern cast for a bigoted, anti-Semitic, reaction on a few occasions, but instead uses dramatic pauses to make a different joke each time. Bobby mistaking Gary’s Jewish-isms as “Arizona Speech” is also pretty funny, and as a B-plot it only exists for a couple of quick jokes and isn’t meant to steal the spotlight from the main plot.

And the main plot of Hank losing his sight due to seeing his mother getting nailed on his kitchen table is a pretty damn funny way to go about telling a Christmas story. A lot of Hank’s reactions to the actual business are rather predictable, but Mike Judge’s performance as Hank is still so humorous and straight that it works. I was surprised by how far the animators took that particular scene as it’s almost gratuitous, but it also adds to both the humor and the horror for Hank. Gary is a character that’s easy to write since he’s basically a stereotype, but Carl Reiner brings a genuine warmth to him which helps sell it. Admittedly though, I’m a little tired of Gary by the time this thing ends. And to top it off, we get a little dose of Cotton in this one too. He is repulsively funny, and his brief appearance might be the funniest sequence of the episode, outside of the sex scene.

I do enjoy those exterior Christmas shots.

Ultimately, this is a funny Christmas episode of a well-made sitcom. It wisely doesn’t try to force the other characters into the plot in any meaningful way preferring to keep the story focused on Hank and his predicament. It’s a good enough episode that I’m a bit remorseful that Cartoon Network no longer airs King of the Hill. The show does air on some cable networks, but the easiest way to see this episode is to stream it on Hulu. It’s also available on DVD, and unlike yesterday’s Christmas feature, it is worth a watch this holiday season.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 12 – Teen Titans Go! – “Halloween vs. Christmas”

  It’s a battle for the hearts of children around the world! What is the superior holiday:  Halloween or Christmas? Today’s entrant is founded on the premise that Halloween is the only holiday to rival Christmas as far as what children look forward to most. This feels more or less on point as a kid…

Keep reading

Dec. 12 – The Futurama Holiday Spectacular

Back before the advent of home video, when a show aired you either saw it or you didn’t. Miss something all of your friends were talking about the next day and you were at the whim of re-runs until your favorite show hit syndication – if it hit syndication. When VCRs were popularized you had…

Keep reading

Dec. 11 – We Wish You a Turtle Christmas

Several months ago, I reviewed a product called The Musical Mutagen Tour Action Figure Set. It was a set of toys based on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles stage show, Coming Out of Their Shells, from 1990. Back then, the Turtles were so unbelievably hot that they could sell out a terrible stage show in which actors in bad costumes jumped around on stage and mimed playing instruments to a backing track. The property is still hot enough today that a toy company, in this case NECA, could release a set of action figures based on those hideous costumes and sell the whole lot of them at a tidy $125 a pop.

In 1994 though, the Ninja Turtles franchise was far from its height. It had been two years since the abysmal Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III and kids had largely ditched the gang green in favor of comic book heroes and Power Rangers. For some reason a thing called Christopher Films decided that 1994 was the right time to do a direct to VHS TMNT Christmas Special. And since animation is expensive, they opted to do it Coming Out of Their Shells style. Now, I don’t think these costumes we’re about to look at came directly from those productions, but they’re pretty shitty. Horrifying even. I’ve always been amazed that this and other VHS specials exist of that era since those costumes were designed to look okay from a distance, not under the scrutiny of a camera.

Usually this logo means it’s time to get at least mildly excited.

As far as I can tell, no one associated with that old tour had anything to do with this. This was written by Tish Rabe who also did Turtle Tunes. Richard Berg, who as best as I can tell is most known for designing wargames, composed the music which is largely public domain parodies. As best as I can tell, I’m doing the Coming Out of Their Shells tour a disservice by comparing it to this as it’s more like the concept was borrowed, slightly, from that, but everything else is different.

Innocent turtles were forced to crawl through goop for this thing.

It’s really not worth delving into it more than that, to be honest, since what I’m about to subject myself to is quite possibly the most wretched thing vomited up by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise. I don’t blame any of the creative staff here, they need to earn a living like all of us and weren’t exactly presented with an opportunity to do anything worthwhile. I imagine if they had done something brilliant no one would have noticed anyway. Since the original cartoon series never received a Christmas special though, this is just going to have to do.

Raph insisting they’re good looking is a pretty bold flex.

This thing begins with an intro in which a song plays over some cuts from later in the special. It’s edited together rather lazily as some shots will repeat during this thirty second bit. There’s almost no attempt to match the mouth movements of these hideous turtle costumes to the song either. These costumes are fucking terrible. They have no lips, and I suppose you may counter with the fact that you’ve never seen lips on a turtle, but by these costumes forgoing such a crucial piece of anatomy the result is when they sing it’s just teeth gnashing together. Their teeth are always exposed making these guys look rather deranged. There’s no attempt to create any sort of inside to their mouth either so when they open up it’s just blackness. Their heads are ginormous and for some reason the tails on their masks are about four feet long. Michelangelo (Alfredo Miller) is also wearing what I guess is a white scarf, but looks more like a strand of toilet paper. These costumes are so cheap you can see the straps for the shells going over their shoulders. And like the Coming Out of Their Shells turtles, they’re wearing sneakers. And for some reason Raph wants us to know they’re attractive.

Oh boy, the Turtles are getting ready for Christmas and feel like singing!

We then fade to black and Christmas bells come in as the credits roll letting us know what terrible program is coming onto our screen. We’re then greeted by Raph (James Eric Anzalone) who welcomes us in as the Turtles decorate their tree. Leo (Ronn K. Smith) takes things over to sing his favorite Christmas song, a reggae-infused version of “Deck the Halls.” Since this is TMNT, we’re decking the halls with pepperoni. Leo sings with this phoney, and rather offensive, Jamaican accent that is beyond annoying. This is wretched. It ends on a sort-of punchline when Leo sings “Merry Christmas to the Shredder,” and the music drops. I thought we were being setup for a prime “Not” joke, but instead the song just finishes.

This sewer lair has impressive lighting.

After that, the Turtles are getting ready to celebrate Christmas when they discover that no one bought a present for their master Splinter. The Turtles take turns passing the buck while I contemplate stabbing my ear drums to get rid of these hokey New York accents. The only decent sounding turtle is Donatello (Florence Reymond), who has a slight nasally, nerdy, voice. Honestly, it’s a perfectly cromulent voice for Donnie.

The only time this thing looks halfway decent is when the Turtles are kept in the dark. Literally.

The Turtles determine they need to head out and try to secure a gift for Christmas. They sing a parody of “Over the Hills and Through the Woods” to find a gift for Splinter. Who thought it was a good idea to have the Turtles sing that song? How can anyone possibly appear cool singing this stupid song?! They dance through the sewer and I’m honestly surprised this much effort was put forth in creating these sets. Maybe they just found an old warehouse or factory to shoot in? At least it’s dimly lit so we don’t have to keep looking at them.

This kid has no idea what’s going on.

We immediately go into another song, “Gotta get a Gift for Splinter.” This might be a parody, but I don’t know. It sounds familiar, but maybe that’s just because it’s super generic. The song begins with shots of random kids banging on drums and stuff. There’s at least some thought put into this one, but it’s still awful. The vocalist is a poor man’s R&B singer and the chorus of “Gotta-get-a-gift-gotta-get-a-gift-gotta-get-a-gift for Splinter,” gets really old, really fast. The Turtles look so stupid bouncing around with their heads flopping all over the place. Shockingly, these kids aren’t terrified and seem to be having fun. The song then ends with….what? I think they all say “Tonight!” but then they shoot their hands up into the air like they’re saluting a certain past German ruler. Was that supposed to be a group high-three? I don’t know what they’re going for.

Uhh, green power, I guess?!

The song is at least over and Raph takes the time to remind us there’s only two shopping hours left until Christmas. Geez Raph, why are you admonishing all of us when you were just singing and dancing like a jackass? The scene cuts to Broadway and there’s a tree and a Santa Claus hanging out. Michelangelo takes one look at the tree and tosses his scarf over his shoulder, again, so it looks like he’s trying to choke himself. I know I am. Raph then puts his hand to his face and says “Oh no, he’s turning into that opera guy again.” Apparently in this universe, Michelangelo has a second personality in which he thinks he’s an opera singer. Cool.

Sadly, not an Opera Man parody.

Michelangelo then sings his opera. It’s not as awful as I thought it was going to be, which means this will probably be the best part of the special because “not as awful as I thought it would be,” seems like the best it can do. It’s still not good, and I want him to shut up. His song is just a love letter to the city of New York. There’s a Sbarro in the background and I’m surprised they don’t run to it when the song ends, but maybe Sbarro refused to be associated with this. When it does end, Michelangelo suggests he could sing for Splinter for Christmas, and then we get that “Not” joke I was looking for earlier. The Turtles discuss what they could get for Splinter, and their ideas are mostly poorly thought out like skateboards and a yo-yo.

Oh please just make it stop!

I guess they figured things out though as we head back to the sewer for our next song, “The Wrap Rap.” They’re rhyming “wrap” with “rap,” that’s some next level genius here. I can’t decide if this is the worst part or not. Actually no, that Jamaican song was definitely worse. The beat sounds like something rejected by The Fresh Prince. It’s so bland and dated for 1994. I think white people associated those qualities with “safe rap.” When the song is finally over, the Turtles say good night. The screen is all black and I welcome this new oblivion in which I do not have to look at those awful, smiling, faces.

Splinter is staying awfully close to that punch bowl.

It’s Christmas morning, and Donatello is opening his gift from Leo. He likes it, but we don’t get to see it because the budget didn’t call for anything to be in the box. We’re then introduced to Master Splinter (Jack William Scott). Oh boy. He looks like something I found under my bed. He sort of has a Japanese accent, but I’m guessing he’s voiced by a white dude. He has the Turtles gather around him so that he can impart some wisdom upon them on this Christmas morning. Actually no, he just wants to rock and roll and open all of the gifts he got. Splinter’s idea of rock and roll is “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” What an asshole.

Splinter’s shitty version of a shitty song is all about the gifts the Turtles ended up getting him. Want to know what they are? Fine…

  1. Pizza with pepperoni
  2. Comic books
  3. Skateboards
  4. Manhole covers
  5. Video Games
  6. Frisbees
  7. Silk kimonos
  8. Chopsticks
  9. Narrow neckties
  10. Yellow yo-yos
  11. Pairs of Sneakers
  12. April O’Neil autographs

When the song is finally over, Leo complains about how it’s the longest song ever. Normally, I’d shout down such hyperbole, but those three minutes felt pretty damn long. This whole time they’re having a party in the sewer and there’s a bunch of random kids in bad 90s fashion. The kind of stuff that was definitely outdated even in 94. The only attempt at a joke during the song is when Splinter gets to day 12 he forgets what he got on days 6 through 11. And the Turtles sure are terrible gift givers. What the hell is Splinter going to do with four manhole covers? Or three skateboards? At least they had the where-with-all to make the chopsticks one an even number.

My word, that is one tremendously awful Splinter.

Splinter then tells his sons that they are generous in heart and soul, which you know is setting up some lecture. He tells them that their love is all he’ll ever need, which is what a parent says to their kid when they get a shitty gift. There’s some attempt at a message here, with thinking of those less fortunate, but the Turtles care not for that stuff. Instead, they want to sing their favorite song: “We Wish You a Turtle Christmas.”

Great, now he wants us to sing too.

You had to know that one was coming based on the title. They encourage all of the kids to sing along, but since they’re a bunch of egomaniacs that need all Christmas songs to be about them the kids have no idea what to sing. Apparently no one told the camera operator as we are treated to several shots of kids just lazily moving their mouths and clapping to a song they don’t know. All of the kids dance like my dad, which isn’t a compliment, and the song just won’t end! Until it finally does. Michelangelo punctuates the closing line about having a turtley new year by raising his fist and you can see where the pants of his costume end and the torso begins. He looks like an action figure, a really bad one.

I’d like to think this kid is now a successful actor because his ability to smile through all of this takes real skill.

When the credits hit we’re only at the 19 minute mark, but it feels like the 90th. That was brutal – one of the worst Christmas specials I have endured for this. I suppose I’d rather watch it over some of the terrible, but really earnest and sappy specials, and that 19 minute running time (which stretches to almost 22 minutes when the credits are through) is a godsend at least. I want to say something nice about this thing, but I can’t find much. At least they tried? No, I wish they hadn’t! The plot sucks, the songs suck, the music sucks, the acting sucks, the costumes suck, the set pieces…all right, the sets are okay. Not great, but okay. That’s pretty much it though. This thing offends me. It offends me as a TMNT fan and as a Christmas fan. It’s very existence is an offense to an entire season.

What is going on with Michelangelo’s waist?

Hopefully, we never see action figures based on this monstrosity. I don’t think I could even laugh at them. I can’t imagine anyone liking this other than maybe the youngest of children who simply haven’t been exposed to enough art to know better. Even most of them will probably find the Turtles off-putting and possibly terrifying.

Thankfully, this Christmas special is practically nonexistent in 2020. We Wish You a Turtle Christmas was only released on VHS and no one wanted it on DVD, let alone Blu Ray. No network will ever air this thing again, and only a few, possibly demented, souls are keeping it alive by posting it on YouTube and other streaming platforms. If you want to spend Christmas with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, you’ll either have to get a VCR or just stream it. It’s not hard to find, because no one wants to claim ownership of this thing lest they be held responsible for its creation. My advice though is if you really want to spend Christmas with the Turtles just track down “The Christmas Aliens” from the 2003 cartoon. It’s nothing special, but it’s certainly better than this.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 11 – A Flintstone Family Christmas

The Flintstones got its start back in 1960 and for many years it was the standard for prime time animation. It was really the only prime time animated show for decades and has now been firmly supplanted by The Simpsons in almost every conceivable fashion. William Hanna and Joseph Barbera, being new to sitcoms, treated…

Keep reading

Dec. 11 – “Santa’s Surprise”

Cartoons were a pretty big deal at one point in time. Any studio that wanted to be thought of as a major studio had its own animation division and its own characters. Everyone knows the big ones from Disney and Warner and then after them I suppose the next biggest was MGM with Tom &…

Keep reading

Dec. 11 – Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas

So this one is a little different. Basically all of the entries up until now have been for television specials and cartoon shorts. Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas is a feature-length direct-to-video Christmas special based on Disney’s version of Beauty and the Beast. It’s sort of confusing to describe, because I guess you…

Keep reading

Dec. 10 – The Town Santa Forgot

“The Town Santa Forgot” originally aired on December 3, 1993 on NBC, I just liked this Cartoon Network ad more.

Come the 1990s, the cartoon juggernaut known as Hanna-Barbera was fading. It’s said the company once had control of approximately 80% of the children’s programming on television and even come 1990 it was still around 20%. The studio’s last big hit had been The Smurfs which set all kinds of Saturday morning records despite few animation buffs finding cause to celebrate. There were several spin-offs and specials, some stuck and some which did not, but the name was still fairly prominent on both broadcast and cable.

In 1991, Turner Broadcasting acquired Hanna-Barbera marking a major turning point for the studio. Less legacy properties would be developed as David Kirschner took over. This was the era that brought in more action cartoons like The Pirates of Dark Water and eventually SWAT Kats. Turner would launch Cartoon Network which in its early days was basically a dumping ground for Hanna-Barbera content, both old and new. A swath of new creative directors would be hired like Pat Ventura, Genndy Tartakovsky, and even Seth MacFarlane. Those individuals, along with several others, were the creative minds around the What a Cartoon! series of shorts that would come to define Cartoon Network in the late 90s and beyond.

The original broadcast had its own bumpers, an old staple I wish would return.

Even though Turner was working on creating a cartoon channel to rival Nickelodeon, Hanna-Barbera still had its hands in broadcast animation. We talked about one of the 90s broadcast Christmas specials last year with A Flintstone Family Christmas, and in 1993 Hanna-Barbera produced The Town Santa Forgot. The animated special starred Dick Van Dyke and aired in prime time on NBC that year. Following 93, it would become a holiday staple on Cartoon Network for a few years before being retired to Boomerang with pretty much all of the other Hanna-Barbera properties.

The Town Santa Forgot is based on a poem called Jeremy Creek written by Charmaine Severson. Severson wrote several rhyming poems that were carried by numerous print outlets in the 70s and 80s. Jeremy Creek appears to have first seen publication in 1985 and it tells the tale of a greedy little kid who accidentally brings happiness to a neglected town at Christmas. It was a major hit for Severson and she would follow it up with an annual Christmas rhyme each year into the 90s, though none have risen to the level of popularity enjoyed by Jeremy Creek.

The special was produced by Hanna-Barbera with animation by Wang Film Productions. Wang Film had done work for Hanna-Barbera in the past, most notably with The Jetsons Movie, but it wasn’t handed many Hanna-Barbera originals. As a result, The Town Santa Forgot doesn’t really look like a Hanna-Barbera production. I’d argue it looks better than a lot of the content the company was responsible for at that time. The character designs have a vague hint of Rankin/Bass too, which could be just me or it could be intentional since that company is basically synonymous with Christmas specials. While Hanna-Barbera doesn’t have the greatest reputation, at least this special is an original story with a unique look so I’m already more excited for it than I was with A Christmas Story from a few days ago.

This old grandpa is our story-teller who has to teach his spoiled little grandkids a lesson.

The special begins with a grandfather and his two grandchildren. Dick Van Dyke provides the voice of the grandfather who will serve as narrator. The kids aren’t named, but one is a boy (Troy Davidson) and one a girl (Ashley Johnson). It’s the grandfather who is giving me the Rankin/Bass vibes as he looks like he could fit in with one of the animated Frosty the Snowman specials. The kids are a bit more generic with black, soulless, eyes.

The kids are both talking about all of the stuff they want for Christmas, which prompts Grandpa to sit ’em down and tell them a story about the greediest kid who ever lived: Jeremy Creek.

This is Jeremy. Don’t be fooled by that smile, he’s a little asshole.

Jeremy Creek (Miko Hughes) is a little red-headed child with enough toys for over 400 boys. He has toys of all variety, and he doesn’t like to share. Worse, he always wants more. He can’t possibly have enough toys and when he sees something he wants, he lets his parents know. And if his parents say “No,” then he screams and wails until they give-in. We see Jeremy spy a cowboy doll outside a store and go purple with rage until his parents buy it for him. When he’s home later that night watching television, he sees a commercial for a better version of the same doll and goes into a rage. For once, his parents put their foot down, but that just incites the neighbors who complain about the noise. Eventually, dad (Philip Proctor) lays down the law and tells Jeremy he wants to hear nothing further from the boy and he retreats to his room.

This is a pretty great shot.

Once in his room, we get to see Jeremy survey his toys while perched like a vulture on his bedpost. He then starts playing with all that he has as the narrator goes into detail on the sheer volume of what’s in there. There’s army men, baseballs, vampire costumes, and more. He even has toys for boys much older than he, like remote-controlled airplanes, which he uses to harass the neighborhood. While it’s clear to see this kid is spoiled rotten, it’s at least admirable to see him actually playing with and enjoying the toys as opposed to acting like a dragon and simply hoarding them, which is what my kids seem to do.

They didn’t have any computer paper back then. Hell, they don’t have it now!

Eventually, Jeremy gets the idea that if his parents won’t buy him what he wants then he’ll have to turn to Santa. The problem is it’s currently June, but that doesn’t stop Jeremy from drafting a list. He has to tape sheets of paper together to accommodate his vast array of wants and the list stretches for miles. After he has listed every possible toy under the sun, he signs the list with a simple Jeremy Creek – no thanks or nothing. He bundles it up like a roll of wall insulation and drops it onto a mailman’s back to send it to Santa way up at the North Pole.

A conventional, yet unique, depiction of Santa.

Santa Claus (Hal Smith) is then shown flying his sleigh (with 8 reindeer!) up north and comes to land in the garage of his workshop. This Santa has a plump appearance, basically being shaped like a bell, and he enters his workshop where some elves are hard at work. They’re small and a bit conventional looking with pointed ears and hats. Santa is excited to show them that the first Christmas letters have started to come in, and one of them is particularly massive. The list dominates the room and Santa and his elves can scarcely believe someone wrote this thing. When Santa sees the name at the bottom, Jeremy Creek, it never crosses his mind this could be the list of one person and assumes it refers to an actual place.

The elves of this special also manage to look conventional, yet different, much like Santa.

Santa and his elves get out the map and look all over for a place called Jeremy Creek. Sure enough, they find one only to discover it’s not on their usual route. It’s a town with approximately 4,000 kids which matches up with the number of gifts requested and Santa assumes this is a letter from the town alerting him to their plight. Santa, realizing he’s passed this town over for years, decides he needs to make up for it by fulfilling this request.

Young Jeremy has some evil intentions this evening.

Back at his own home, we see Jeremy counting down the days until Christmas while Santa and the elves get busy at the North Pole. The elves sing a simple little song accompanied by a montage of Jeremy pulling down calendar pages. Eventually, the day arrives and Jeremy is eager to receive all of the gifts on his monstrous list. He climbs out onto his roof armed with a net and some binoculars. It seems as the months have gone by, Jeremy has decided he doesn’t just want what was on his list, but everything Santa has in his sleigh! Santa soon appears and Jeremy watches as Santa goes from house to house slipping inside through various ways. His body is like gelatin as he slides down chimneys and exhaust pipes, beating The Santa Clause to that idea, before climbing back into his sleigh and taking off. Oddly, the narration refers to his sleigh as a “green, glowing, sleigh” but it’s colored red. There’s a slight hue with a greenish tint to it, but it reads like the sleigh itself should have been green. Santa completely bypasses Jeremy’s house which confuses and enrages the young boy. He returns to his bedroom and assaults his pillow before despair starts to sink in.

Suck it, Jeremy!

The next morning, Jeremy arises to see all of the neighborhood kids playing happily with their new toys. He allows himself to be hopeful for a moment and reasons that maybe Santa entered through the window or something and he missed it. He races downstairs and, sure enough, the underside of the tree is just floor. His mom (Melinda Peterson) enters the room and remarks “That’s too bad,” when she sees the empty tree. She then explains that Santa must have noticed that Jeremy couldn’t possibly have more room for toys and passed him over.

Elsewhere in the world, some deserving kids are having a good Christmas for the very first time.

Jeremy storms off to the livingroom where his dad is watching television in his new Christmas socks. The program is detailing the story of an impoverished swamp town that woke up to a wonderful surprise. A pile of toys was left in the center of town for the girls and boys after years of receiving nothing at all. It’s soon revealed this was the work of Santa Claus and the town is none other than Jeremy Creek. Jeremy’s parents are shocked to see a town with the same name as their son, who soon puts two and two together and realizes his massive list of presents was given to the kids of Jeremy Creek.

Jeremy isn’t having any of this.

Jeremy is initially angry that his presents went to these kids. Then the news woman reads a letter from Santa which states someone brought this town to his attention, but chose to remain anonymous. Jeremy finally starts to feel something as his mom explains that people who do a kindness like that don’t need the adulation that comes with it. Jeremy is moved to tears, but he doesn’t want his parents to see, so he races back into the den and retreats to the underside of the Christmas tree.

If he can fit down a chimney, he can fit in a tree.

There Jeremy smiles as he looks up at the brightly decorated tree. He’s finally happy, but much to his surprise he spies a small Santa inside the tree. Only it isn’t an ornament, but Santa himself! Santa explains he figured out what happened, and that the kids of Jeremy Creek want the person who wrote them the letter to be properly thanked. Santa makes a sack appear and asks Jeremy what he would like for Christmas. Jeremy tells Santa that he wouldn’t know what to ask for and that he’s finally figured out that giving is better than receiving. Santa is overjoyed to hear this and tells Jeremy that from now on he will be his gift-giving assistant.

An older, wiser, Jeremy bids Santa farewell.

Jeremy, feeling inspired, changes from then on. He gives away all of the toys he couldn’t possibly find time for which is a callback to some of the scenes we saw earlier of him being mean to other kids in the neighborhood. And come Christmas every year, Jeremy helps Santa deliver presents. He climbs out onto his roof on Christmas Eve with a pair of binoculars and waits for Santa. When Santa arrives, he hops in his sleigh and helps deliver all of the toys. As the years go by we see Jeremy get older until eventually he’s too tall to fit in the sleigh. Santa sadly informs him that his time as his assistant must now come to an end. Jeremy is visibly sad, but he gives Santa a warm hug and hands over his binoculars for Santa to give to the next lucky boy or girl.

And now the kids get to have their own change of heart.

Back in the present, the story is done and the little boy and girl are feeling less selfish. They remark they don’t care what Santa brings them, even if he brings nothing at all! They both also aspire to be the next boy or girl that Santa makes his assistant. The grandfather says it could be either one, or both, and he also breaks the fourth wall to tell the viewer it could be them too. The special ends with an external shot of the house with the mailbox covered in snow. The snow soon slides off revealing the name J. Creek.

That sneaky, son-of-a…

The Town Santa Forgot is a charming little Christmas special. It has a conventional message in that giving is better than receiving, but it’s a message that surprisingly isn’t often relied upon to anchor a Christmas special. Young Jeremy is easy to dislike, as who hasn’t encountered a spoiled little brat in their life and actually enjoyed that kid? The poem origin of the special is retained, though maybe not word for word, as Dick Van Dyke narrates it. He is well cast in this role as he’s not asked to do any embellishment and to just use his natural speaking voice.

I’m a bit embarrassed to say I didn’t see the twist ending coming. Not that I was surprised by it, I just gave it no thought. It wasn’t until then it became obvious that the story the grandfather was telling took place before the present. The toys are a bit older and the television in Jeremy’s house is in black and white. It’s a fun little reveal though to find out Jeremy had been telling us his story the whole time. It’s also a fun twist on the Santa myth for him to select a selfless girl or boy to help him each year. I suppose it’s not a popular addition though since kids would certainly become suspicious when they couldn’t find a single person who received that honor. In that though it makes the act of selflessness become something that is perhaps unattainable, but still worth aspiring to.

This one has a lot less music when compared with other Hanna-Barbera Christmas specials. That’s not a complaint.

As I mentioned in the lead-in, the look of this cartoon is actually quite nice. Early 90s Hanna-Barbera productions should probably get more love than they do as I remember enjoying the look of several of the cartoons from that era. The animation is smooth and distinct and the character designs have some personality, which is harder than you think when it comes to Christmas. There aren’t any animation gaffes I noticed, nor is a bunch of animation recycled as often would happen with older Hanna-Barbera cartoons. The music is pleasant, and there’s only one song of sorts when the elves are shown getting the gifts ready for Christmas. I went into this one with the aim of just finishing off the big Hanna-Barbera Christmas specials, but I may have stumbled upon the best one from the venerable production company.

It’s small and through binoculars, but we do get a “Santa passing in front of the moon” shot.

The Town Santa Forgot is no longer shown on broadcast or cable television, which is too bad because it’s a lot better than some of the specials that still show up on broadcast networks today. My understanding is it’s available on Boomerang, but I’m not a Boomerang subscriber so I can’t confirm that. It is available on DVD for a very reasonable price. It’s included on the same release that features A Christmas Story and Casper’s First Christmas. If you’re like me and you still cling to physical media and like to stockpile Christmas specials, it’s a DVD worth owning for The Town Santa Forgot alone. Consider the other two as bonus features.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 10 – Merry Christmas, Super Dave!

  There are a lot of cartoons that have come and gone in my lifetime, many I forgot even existed until something jars my memory. Earlier this year we lost comedian Bob Einstein. Einstein is probably best known for his role on Curb Your Enthusiasm, but twenty years ago he was best known for his…

Keep reading

Dec. 10 – The Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries – “Feather Christmas”

One of the earliest Kids’ WB shows was The Sylvester & Tweety Mysteries. It centered on Granny (June Foray) and her pets Tweety Bird (Joe Alaskey), Sylvester the cat (Alaskey), and Hector the bulldog (Frank Welker) and they went around, I bet you’ll never guess, solving mysteries. The personalities of the characters are all pretty…

Keep reading

Dec. 10 – Rocko’s Modern Christmas

Rocko’s Modern Life may be the most 90s cartoon created during that decade. It’s certainly the most 90s of the Nicktoons, Nickelodeon’s very successful foray into original animation after years of airing other studio’s work. Rocko’s Modern Life centered around a wallaby named Rocko, naturally, and his journey into adulthood, which most notably includes self-reliance.…

Keep reading

Dec. 9 – Space Goofs – “Holiday Heave Ho”

Original air date December 20, 1997.

Come the late 90s I was definitely losing track of what was airing on Fox Kids. X-Men came to an end, as did Spider-Man and The Tick. They were replaced with Silver Surfer and a new Spider-Man cartoon that was pretty awful. There was also that live-action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles show called The Next Mutation which was a bit horrifying to look at. Even a lot of the comedy shows were coming to an end like Animaniacs, Eek! the Cat, and Life with Louie.

One of the shows that was meant to replace one of the above-mentioned was Space Goofs. Space Goofs is a French cartoon about some aliens who crash land on Earth and wind up hiding out in a seemingly abandoned home for rent. They’re pretty wise to the fact that if humans find them they’ll be rounded up and experimented upon so they do their best to scare people away and keep their presence a secret. All the while, they learn about human culture largely via watching television.

Space Goofs is pretty much a forgotten piece of 90s pop.

It’s a show I recall seeing ads for, but I don’t think I ever watched it. It originally aired at 9:30 on Saturday mornings and I just wasn’t awake at 9:30 when I was in my teens. After some reshuffling took place on Saturdays, it moved to 10:30 where I would have been far more likely to be awake, but I never checked it out. By 1998, Fox had a ton of competition on Saturday as ABC had revamped its One Saturday Morning and Kids WB was now a real contender with Batman, Superman, and Pokemon. As such, it would seem Space Goofs got lost in the shuffle. After the first season, Fox booted it from Saturday to Monday afternoon where it went to die. It doesn’t look like the show ever popped up on any other network like a lot of Fox Kids shows.

The snowy home where the aliens reside. This show was originally titled Home to Rent before it was changed to Space Goofs.

As part of that inaugural season, Space Goofs tackled Christmas. This was a segmented cartoon show so each short is only about 10 minutes in length. It was animated by Gaumont Multimedia and actually has a bit of a modern look to it as it was probably done digitally. The backgrounds are pretty minimalist and the character designs are simple. Perhaps the most interesting aspects of the show include the theme song by Iggy Pop and the character Candy (Charlie Adler), who is clearly a homosexual. It’s still considered progressive and even taboo in some circles to have a homosexual character in a children’s cartoon in 2020, so to have one in 1997 is pretty surprising. It sounds like the French dub was more obvious about it, while the subject isn’t really tackled head-on from what I’ve seen in the English dub. In the Spanish dub, the character’s gender was changed to female to avoid any controversy. Since we’re talking about a little green alien, I suppose that works.

The aliens (left to right): Candy, Gorgious, Bud, Stereo, Etno.

The episode begins with the aliens sitting around the television in their pajamas watching a horror movie. Our aliens are Candy, Gorgious (Danny Mann), Bud (Jeff Bennett), Stereo Monovici (Jeff Bennett), and Etno (Maurice LaMarche). Candy has that Charlie Adler gay voice you’ve probably heard before while Etno is LaMarche doing his Vincent Price impression. It’s a colorful collection of voices that are quite suitable for these illustrations.

Bud practically has a nervous breakdown when everyone goes to bed leaving him to watch horror films all alone.

The aliens are all watching a film about a red blob. Bud, who is the most involved in the program, is getting rather anxious and is further upset when his comrades all retire for the evening. Left to himself, he starts to freak out, especially when he hears noises coming from the chimney.

Our Santa for the next 11 minutes with his frozen helper Brad.

Unbeknownst to Bud, Santa (LaMarche) and his elf helper Brad (Adler) are about to pay them a visit. Santa and Brad discover there’s a house with five individuals in it who have never appeared on the list before. Santa is determined to make his presence felt at this home in the only way Santa can – by bringing presents. He goes into a rather extravagant speech before the two set down on the roof. It should be noted, Santa is only accompanied by two reindeer, a severe Christmas fail.

Despite watching lots of television, these aliens apparently know nothing of Santa Claus.

When Bud hears noises coming from the roof he wakes up the rest of his alien buds who all gather at the fireplace. Bud is convinced the red blob from the movie he was watching is coming after them, but the rest aren’t so sure. Etno takes a look up the chimney and he does indeed see a big red blob coming his way. Of course, this isn’t a monster, just Santa’s big red ass which crawls down the chimney with animation that reminds me of Stimpy’s butt dance during the “Happy Happy Joy Joy” song from The Ren & Stimpy Show.

A rather solid depiction of pain on old Santa’s face.

Etno informs the others that Bud is right, and he’s pretty freaked out. He mentions the blob resembles an apple, and sure enough, as Santa’s rear descends into view it does indeed look like a big red apple (or a big, red, ball-sack) which gets the attention of Gorgious. Gorgious is essentially a giant mouth with eyes and a nose, so he does the thing he’s best equipped to do: he bites Santa’s ass. Santa climbs out of the chimney in a surprisingly calm manner despite the chunk missing from his bottom. Bradley is surprised to see Santa finished already, but Santa informs him (his face is contorted with pain) that there appears to be a clog in the chimney. It would seem Santa is rather embarrassed by the whole ordeal and would prefer Brad didn’t know he just went ass to mouth with an alien.

This Santa has a bit of a dark side, it would seem.

Inside the house, the aliens are congratulating Gorgious on a job well done, their pajamas suddenly vanishing. Bud isn’t congratulating anyone though as he knows the blob will be back. He then screams and points at the fireplace as some goo starts to leak in. Etno nominates Candy to do something about it, and he turns to the camera and says “Ships” to express mock enthusiasm in a cheeky manner.

That’s gonna require some skin grafts.

Santa is pouring some kind of corrosive substance down the chimney and is a bit gleeful about it. Candy checks it out and does not look eager to stick his head up the chimney. He looks back at his comrades and sees their assuring expressions, sighs, and sticks his head up the chimney. He screams and re-emerges shouting “It’s chemical warfare!” as his scalp melts away. He then realizes he’s standing in a puddle of the substance and his skin (Etno says shoes) melts revealing human-like feet underneath. We then see the burned part of Candy’s head basically turn to ash making him look like a giant, green, lit, cigarette. An interesting visual for a children’s show.

This Santa can really take a beating.

Stereo then suggests they try a new method of trapping the intruder and produces a giant mousetrap. They first test it on a teddy bear, which decapitates it reducing Gorgious to tears while the others react in a gleeful manner. On the roof, Santa decides it would be best to descend headfirst on this next try as he squeezes himself down the chimney. The aliens wait with the trap below, and once Santa’s face comes into view, they shove it up the chimney! They hear a satisfying snap as Santa goes soaring through the sky with the mousetrap attached to his head while Johann Strauss plays.

Never tell Santa to use the door.

One of the reindeer makes a quip (“Right out of the ballpark.”) as Santa climbs onto the roof. He orders Brad to get the trap off of him and I can’t tell if he’s talking through his mouth or a nostril. Brad sticks a foot on his face for leverage and pries the trap off. As Santa heads back to the chimney, the reindeer suggests, rudely, he try the door. Santa gives him an angry look, marches towards him, and insists this is tradition. He’s going down the chimney!

More ass-play with Santa!

Below, Candy is giving directions to someone as they drive a truck into the room. He pops the hood and produces some jumper cables. This is not going to end well for poor Santa. As the aliens ready the cables, they all make sure to inform the audience that this isn’t a safe thing to do. I’m glad we got that out of the way.

The only Christmas tree in the episode and really the only Christmas decor of any kind.

Santa, going rear first once again, approaches the fireplace near enough so that the aliens can attach the jumper cables. Once affixed, Etno gives the order to start the truck and Santa is once again sent rocketing into the night sky, again accompanied by Strauss. Bradley can only watch as Santa comes to rest in a Christmas tree.

It’s been one long, stressful, night for these guys.

Bud and Etno, with heavy bags under their eyes, keep their eyes glued on the ceiling. Bud is freaking out as they hear footsteps above them and the unmistakable sound of a chainsaw. The others are losing their will to keep this up, but Etno says they have one final weapon. On the roof, Santa is basically going mad as he and Brad are constructing something massive. When the camera pans out, we see what looks like a makeshift bobsled track on the roof of the house.

Beardless Santa is a bit unsettling.

Inside the home, the aliens have filled the fireplace with dynamite, and Etno has his hands on the activator. On the roof, Santa has climbed into a bobsled (with a helmet on) that’s numbered “13” which seems awfully unfortunate. As he descends the track, the sled picks up tremendous speed causing all of the hair on his face to be torn from him and his nostrils to flair like giant parachutes. The camera cuts quickly from Santa, to Etno, to Santa, to Etno throughout and when the jolly fat man hits the chimney Etno activates the dynamite.

Despite all of that violence and mayhem, Santa came through for the aliens.

Santa is sent blasting off into the night sky leaving the aliens feeling victorious. As they celebrate, presents start littering the room. The aliens are confused, but they begin to open them and find them to be full of things they wanted, including a new teddy bear for Gorgious. They realize that whoever was trying to get into their home meant them no harm. Stereo remarks how they mistook him for the color of his skin, and it seems the aliens are about to learn an important lesson, until Etno wonders aloud what else he brought them and they dive back into the presents.

These guys still have a long night ahead of them.

We then return to the sky, where a heavily bandaged Santa is flying through the air, his reindeer seemingly frozen. Bradley seems fine though as Santa remarks that the alien house was a piece of cake, even though he can scarcely move. He then asks Bradley what house is next, and he starts listing off some horrifying names: Frank Stein, Lizzie Borden, Young Jack Ripper. Santa then looks at the camera and his bandages fall off revealing his face as he laughs ready to take on all-comers. The sleigh passes in front of the moon to end things.

The writers of Space Goofs certainly know how to properly end a Christmas special.

I never really heard any good things about Space Goofs, so this wasn’t a show I was eager to check out. This episode has been on my list for years, to give you an idea of just how excited I was to watch it. Turns out though, it’s pretty solid. I didn’t find anything hilarious, or really felt myself getting attached to any of the characters, but I did enjoy the premise. It’s not often you encounter a Christmas special in which the would-be gift receivers do their best to keep Santa out. Futurama would go on to do so, but the circumstances were entirely different. Here we have some aliens with no knowledge of Santa just afraid someone is breaking into their home. Meanwhile, this version of Santa is basically a fanatic. He’s going to deliver those presents if it kills him. I definitely enjoyed watching his descent into madness as the episode went on and it felt appropriate that he didn’t feel defeated in the end, but somehow invigorated despite his broken body.

I rather enjoyed this somewhat deranged, hopelessly devoted to his job, Santa.

The personalities of the aliens don’t really have a chance to shine through. The cartoon is fairly brief, so I imagine it would take several episodes to give me a real handle on things. It’s obvious Etno is the de-facto leader or voice of reason, while Bud is probably supposed to be the one the audience likes the most. Candy is definitely unique and I enjoyed the Charlie Adler screams when the acid dripped all over him. Their designs feel very “90s” to me, for lack of a better description. I’m reminded of the stop-motion cartoon Bump in the Night when I look at some of them. The voice acting was great though, which I expected of this cast, and I liked the addition of classical music which had my mind going back to Loony Tunes shorts.

If you want to check out this holiday edition of Space Goofs then you’re in luck. Apparently no one sees much value in the property, so the official Space Goofs YouTube channel has uploaded every episode of the show, from what I can tell. No subscription required, you’ll just have to sit through an ad break midway through. There are certainly worse ways to kill twelve minutes this Christmas.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 9 – The Real Ghostbusters – “Xmas Marks the Spot”

  The 1980s sometimes feel like they belonged to the Ghostbusters. That’s because, for me, the Ghostbusters were always around. The film came out when I was but a wee baby, but by the time I had a real interest in television The Real Ghostbusters (not to be confused with the Filmation series) was airing…

Keep reading

Dec. 9 – Spectacular Spider-Man – “Reinforcement”

It’s not my favorite, but if you wanted to argue that Spectacular Spider-Man is the best animated series based on a Marvel property then I wouldn’t fight you on it. The show ran from March 2008 to November 2009 and produced a tidy 26 episodes. It was a re-telling of Spider-Man with an obvious emphasis…

Keep reading

Dec. 9 – Yogi Bear’s All-Star Comedy Christmas Caper

I have a sort of love/hate relationship with Hanna-Barbera. Well, mostly hate. Their animation is lazy, a lot of their characters (including many in this so-called comedy Christmas special) just aren’t funny, and they were also impossible to ignore because they made so many damn, formulaic, cartoons. At the same time though, I grew up…

Keep reading

Dec. 8 – TV Funhouse – “Christmas Day”

TV Funhouse – “Christmas Day” originally aired December 20, 2000.

When someone hears the title TV Funhouse they probably first go to Saturday Night Live and The Ambiguously Gay Duo, a cartoon Batman and Robin parody that hypothesizes the relationship between the two heroes is more than just friendship. What many aren’t aware of is that the comedic short starring Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert actually originated on the short-lived Dana Carvey Show. Writer Robert Smigel, best known for being the handler of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, is credited with coming up with The Ambiguously Gay Duo, one of the few hits churned out by the Dana Carvey Show. When that show was cancelled, as it was a comically bad fit for network ABC, Smigel went back to writing for SNL and he took his cartoon with him where it would air under the TV Funhouse banner.

Comedy Central, seeing how popular the segment was on SNL, brought Smigel onboard to create his own show for their network. It’s not surprising that he decided to call the show TV Funhouse, as that was his most successful brand (next to Triumph, I suppose). The show would need to find a new vehicle for presenting Smigel’s cartoons though as he didn’t want to just air a block of cartoon shorts. Instead, TV Funhouse ended up being a mix of live-action with puppets with some room for animated segments. The show was hosted by Doug (Doug Dale) who was basically the straight man of the show. He was unfailingly optimistic and just plain nice as the show strived for a children’s programming feel. It was basically Pee-Wee’s Playhouse, but with a grounded host and a target audience of teenage stoners. Playing off of Doug was an assortment of puppet animals, several of which were voiced by Smigel himself. Actual barnyard animals were brought in on occasion as well and there was a reoccurring segment in which Smigel and his team would bring the puppets out onto the streets of New York at night just to riff on random pedestrians.

TV Funhouse ran from December 2000 only until January 2001.

The show was not much of a hit, as it only lasted for 8 episodes. It was a bit tough to produce given the inclusion of live animals which necessitate different requirements on-set. The show frequently went over budget as well, and though the network professed faith in it, it doesn’t sound like many were all that interested in keeping it going since Smigel also described shooting the show as “tedious.” During its brief run though, it did manage to land on Christmas. Every episode of the show had a theme and was titled “Blank” Day. “Christmas Day” made for a pretty easy concept to adopt and certainly fit the mood of a children’s show. It was a subject ripe for parody.

The episode begins with the following disclaimer: The following program contains lambs, and puppet lambs in mature situations. Viewer discretion is advised. Well that sounds like a winner to me! The opening credits are all animated and make the show seem like an earnest attempt at a kid’s show to someone not paying attention. Looking closer and it’s more cynical as the kid’s parents are yanking him out of bed and forcing him to watch “the last cartoon show of the day,” as the song informs, which includes animals that defecate. It’s quite a catchy song though. We’re then shown our host Doug as he rises from bed and takes to the streets of New York where he selects a box with the episode title on it. It’s all live video, but with Doug posing like he’s in a still photograph and pedestrians have to move around him or walk into him. He dawns a festive elf costume, and our episode is underway.

Doug and his AniPals.

Doug prances around the studio in his costume singing a jolly Christmas song. It’s mostly nonsense words, but he pauses to deadpan a line about Christ being born, before resuming. He greets his co-stars, the AniPals, but finds their spirit a bit lacking. A puppet dog, Fogey (Smigel), tells him to shut up, while a rooster, Chickie (Dino Stamatopoulis) says “Bah, hum-cunt!” when Doug expresses his excitement for the holiday. Doug corrects the rooster by telling him it’s “Bah, humbug,” and that it’s a saying from the Christmas episode of Bewitched. He says it in a very sincere manner, as this is the type of humor the show aims for. Doug then explains he’s full of Christmas cheer, and the puppets decide they need some of that shit too. Doug makes the mistake of telling them that Christmas cheer is a feeling you just feel running up your spine, giving the puppets the idea to utilize a spinal tap to extract Christmas cheer from Doug then sell it for a tidy sum.

Sadly, the doctor doesn’t get to join in on the spoils.

We cut to Doug laying on his stomach with his shirt off while a doctor dog puppet (Smigel) informs him the needle he’s about to jab into his spine is going to hurt a whole lot. When one of the dogs asks Doug if it does, he confirms it does indeed hurt, but through a smile. He’s pretty happy to be sharing his Christmas cheer with others as he watches it flow through some tubes. He asks the dog doctor if it’s okay for him to go caroling in an hour and the doctor replies with “I wouldn’t because I would be paralyzed.” Doug can’t feel his legs, but he continues to smile as the animals decide to head back to Chickie’s house to figure out a way to ingest this Christmas cheer, which gives Doug a chance to introduce the first cartoon of the episode.

This isn’t the elf you want around at Christmas.

The short is titled Christmas With Tingles and it tells the story of Tingles, the Christmas Tension. He’s basically an elf and the short resembles a Rankin/Bass stop-motion cartoon, though it’s actually a parody of “Hardrock, Coco, and Joe.” The concept is that Tingles is responsible for all of that holiday tension that comes around each year. He’s responsible for poorly timed bills and dad’s sexual frustrations, among other things. It’s told with a song punctuated with a nasally Smigel singing “I’m Tingles the Christmas Tension.” It ends with a reminder that Tingles will return next year, but must make way for Moples the Day After Christmas Depression. It’s a bit dark, but it’s also pretty funny. The only bad thing about the short is it might be the funniest part of the special and it takes place during the first five minutes.

The Simpsons as naked, featherless, chicken monstrosities.

Chickie and the gang arrive back at the coop only to find a grumpy Mrs. Chickie who just finished wrapping all of the Christmas presents. He tells his wife they need the help of their kid who likes science and she tells him they can find him in his room. This sets off a series of gags in which the gang peek into a room only to find it’s the wrong one. One chick likes wrestling, one likes astronauts, another likes The Simpsons, and someone seems to object to another chick liking Metallica (possibly Napster related given the era). When one of the other puppets asks Chickie how many chicks he has, he confirms 186 and that they’re all boys.

The added touch of the tree only being decorated three feet off of the ground is pretty good.

At the studio, Doug is dragging himself across the floor by his arms since his legs are still numb. He’s been decorating the Christmas tree, but since he can’t stand only the bottom of the tree has anything on it. He’s still happy though as he goes into “Oh, Christmas Tree” while laying at the base of it with the syringe still sticking out of his back.

Xabu is the only part of this show that has stuck in my memory. I think it’s because my sister found him hilarious.

After a commercial break, Doug is unwrapping presents while continuing to sing carols and urges the puppet dog Xabu (Smigel) to join in. Xabu is a dog obsessed with chasing his own tail and can rarely focus on anything but that. Doug keeps singing and Xabu reluctantly joins in before quickly abandoning the song out of fears his tail is getting away. Doug just laughs and introduces more holiday, Christmas, stuff.

There’s no better place to hide a Christmas present than a gun cabinet!

The next segment is a live-action one titled “Places to Look for Your Christmas Presents.” It begins benignly with kids finding Christmas presents in places suggested by a narrator like a closet or drawer. It then gets weird by having the kids look in the oven or under their grandfather’s hat, then gets dark by pointing them towards a gun case, then absurd by suggesting they’re hidden in bread or behind a wall. It was a promising concept, but ultimately this one just doesn’t land as it fails to find a true climax.

He died doing what he loved: getting his father and his dumb friends high.

After that is concluded, we rejoin the puppets as they seek out Chickie’s son who likes science. We first have to endure a few more rooms that aren’t the right one before the group finally finds the chick they’re looking for. Chickie goes in and demands his kid stop working on his science project and help them synthesize their Christmas cheer. The chick first turns it into a powder that the animals happily snort. When they complain it’s not doing anything, the young chick suggests free-basing. He gets set on fire, which the other puppets choose to ignore, as the stuff is prepared over a burner. The resulting smoke created by the burning cheer is enough to get the animals both high and excited as they run off to see if it’s snowing leaving the chick behind to be consumed by flames.

“Oh, Louise, you’ll never guess what happened to us last night!”

This brings about a musical montage of the puppets out and about. They make a snowman and mob pedestrians with Christmas carols all to “Hazy Shade of Winter” by The Bangles. The AniPals continue to enjoy their Christmas cheer and even try sharing it with a real, live, reindeer. Most of the people they harass are good sports and just stand there and smile. One guy tries to talk about Jesus or something and gets shot down. Their mostly cooperative nature doesn’t make for great comedy.

It just isn’t a party until a sheep shits on a rooster.

We’re then taken to a Christmas party. The puppets are joined by many live animals and we even get a nice shot of a sheep’s ass as it drops a deuce. Hank the lobster puppet (Tommy Blacha) is shown chatting it up with a sheep puppet, who I think is named Larry (David Juskow). He’s happy to be there and compliments Hank on the drugs. Chickie, after watching the live sheep poop, decides to cover his tiny, rooster, penis with some powdered cheer and appears ready to bang the sheep. Larry objects because they’re running out of stuff and starts sucking it off of Chickie’s member. You don’t really see anything as it’s just two puppets slamming together, but Chickie sure sounds like he’s enjoying it. The other puppets realize they need to score some more cheer and take off.

Look how cute they are!

Doug is shown still on the floor as he wishes a “Feliz Navidad” to all of the Latino viewers. Xabu is shown with an adorable little santa hat and one has also been placed on his tail. He needs Doug to keep it down as he’s trying to lull his tail into a false sense of security by watching It’s a Wonderful Life and eating rum balls. Doug is optimistic about his foot twitching as he hangs ornaments on the side of his hospital gurney. He announces his leg just went numb again, with a smile, as the AniPals have returned to take more cheer from his spine. Satisfied with what they were able to get, they take off and leave Doug on the floor once again.

Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out – he’s gonna freak out.

It’s the next morning, and all of the puppets are hung over while the live sheep “throws up” in a toilet, angering Larry because he’s too loud. He then finds out from Jeffrey, the duck (Doug Dale), that it’s 10 AM which reminds him he’s late to play Santa at Macy’s. We’re then shown Larry, dressed up as Santa, seated in the store as he urges himself not to freak out. A kitten then climbs onto his lap as Larry does indeed freak out. He sees the kitten as grass and starts eating it. The kitten, which is an actual live kitten, predictably wanders off of the puppet’s lap.

Scumbag!

We’re back to Doug, who has affixed some mistletoe to his silly elf hat and is batting at it like a cat. Doug is hoping this will get him a Christmas kiss to go along with some spine sympathy. Xabu then pops up, still looking festive, and tells Doug to shut up. He saunters under the mistletoe and it’s clear his plan is to get his tail to kiss him. When the tail moves out of the way, he calls it a scumbag and makes a bunch of threats while Doug shrugs and informs us of “another one.”

Dude just dunked Jesus.

This one is “The Harlem Globetrotters First Christmas.” I believe this is recycled from SNL, but anyways, ever see those Globetrotters Hanna-Barbera appearances? This is essentially a parody of those. The Globetrotters decide to use their magic bus to go back in time to their first Christmas, which is THE first Christmas. They come upon Mary and Joseph in search of a place to have their kid and the Globetrotters turn it into a basketball game for the only available room. Loser sleeps in the manger. It’s actually played really straight with a gratuitous laugh track, until the baby Jesus takes over and starts dunking on everyone. The Globetrotters, being unbeatable and all, still manage to beat Jesus, his dad, and the three wise men in a game of basketball, but let them have the room instead. Back in the present, they reflect on their trip to the past. When Curly opens up a bible, he finds it’s been changed as the Globetrotters have essentially replaced Jesus. It even ends with a shot of the Globetrotter pope. It’s not very funny, but it at least finds a way to end on an absurd note.

Church is probably the worst place to be when high.

We’re back at the house with the AniPals as Hank tries to have sex with a cat. Jeffrey then realizes he’s supposed to be seeing his kid’s recital at church and asks Fogey for help getting there. The turtle puppet informs the gang he’s taking the pipes to get there and flushes himself down the toilet. We then see the show as a bunch of adorable baby ducks waddle around a puppet one. Jeffrey, Mr. Whiskers, Hank, Fogey, and Chickie arrive with Jeffrey blurting out “That’s my kid – he’s the fucking star!” Fogey cautions him to keep it down as not everyone in the church is on cheer as the gang finds a pew to sit on. Jeffrey’s son is playing Jesus in his play and Jeffrey just starts yelling out to him how he shouldn’t do it because it will all end bad. This causes some smoke to appear before him and a duck Ghost of Christmas Past appears as the turtle is rocketed out of a toilet and onto Jeffrey.

Are we getting weird yet? I guess we’re getting weird.

The ghost is a bit confused by the turtle’s method of arrival, but then proceeds. Jeffrey expects to be shown a past Christmas, but instead it turns out the ghost is here to show future, bearded, Jeffrey this Christmas. He mostly just rambles about the beard he’ll have in the future, while future Jeffrey (who is a real duck) just stands and quacks. The AniPals then realize they need to get off the drugs, but Jeffrey questions where they’ll find the strength. Suddenly, a light shines on the stage pointing them to the answer – an egg! With tears in their eyes, the AniPals realize the meaning of the season as “Silent Night” plays in the background.

That heathen Doug, just laying on his ass at Christmas.

Back at the studio, house, or whatever – Doug is back on his feet with the aid of candy cane crutches. They soon buckle under his weight and he falls back onto the gurney. He licks one crutch before remarking, “I’m candy-capped.” The AniPals then burst in to “Silent Night” ready to spread Christmas cheer to their pal Doug. They admonish him for looking at Christmas as just a time for candy and licking and such. They testify, and Doug begins to wiggle his feet a bit and Jesus gets all of the credit. The AniPals sing us into the credits ending this one with faux-sincerity.

Ghost duck and Michael Landis – the true reason for the season.

TV Funhouse is one of those shows you either find funny or you don’t. Most of the humor is either satirical, farcical, or dark. Some of the jokes are supposed to be so bad they’re good, but then some are just bad. I’m mostly fine with this level of humor, my only issue is that some of the segments just don’t land. This show might be better served as a 10 minute production or something. And once you’ve seen a puppet mime sex with one animal, you’ve seen ’em all. I do find Doug charming and Xabu is rather cute. Maybe my biggest laugh was simply when Xabu called his tail a scumbag, simply because I wasn’t expecting it. Smigel’s delivery is just so good too.

Doug has a surprising amount of chemistry with his puppet co-stars, even if they don’t share the screen very often.

When the live animals are onscreen I can certainly get a sense as to why Smigel called the production tedious. They just let the animals wander and it’s obvious they’re being coaxed with food or scents. They certainly help give the show a distinct look, and definitely add to the chaotic nature of a bunch of puppets on a bender, but I don’t know if it’s worth the effort. The idea to convert Christmas cheer into a drug seems like it’s there for shock value, but also feels like a really easy joke. Not much humor arises from it until the final payoff of the goofy ghost duck which is a manifestation of the AniPals tripping. Tingles ends up being the real star, and if you want to experience something from this show this Christmas, maybe just look that bit up on YouTube.

Merry Christmas, every one!

If you need the full TV Funhouse experience though, you’ll probably have to turn to home video. Comedy Central released the entire series, a mere 8 episodes, on DVD awhile back. It’s not terribly expensive and the good news is the show is uncut so you get to hear all of the curse words that the network bleeped out. I don’t think Comedy Central ever rebroadcasts this show, so that’s pretty much your only, legal, way to see it.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 8 – The Adventures of Pete & Pete – “O’ Christmas Pete”

Nickelodeon used to be a weird channel. It was composed mostly of old black and white television shows like Lassie and Dennis the Menace while mixing in old cartoons like re-packaged Looney Tunes blocks. Then there was early morning educational stuff including some anime that wasn’t obviously anime, plus Mr. Wizard. And don’t forget about…

Keep reading

Dec. 8 – It’s A Very Merry Eek’s Mas

For a pretty sizable chunk of the 90s, the Fox network really dominated the Saturday morning cartoon landscape. A network, at the time, more synonymous with “filth” somehow managed to corral the kid demographic away from the more wholesome ABC and CBS. Fox was largely able to do this by partnering with some big players:…

Keep reading