Category Archives: christmas

Dec. 25 – Samurai Pizza Cats – “The Cheese Who Stole Christmas”

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Original air date December 25, 1990 (Japan)

Welcome, Christmas Day! Hopefully you’re not hungover from too much Christmas partying last night, and if you are, hopefully it was worth it. By now, Santa should have deposited presents under the tree, if you were good this year, and hopefully he remembered the batteries. It’s been fun, but this post means we are done for the year. Christmas often lingers though into the new year, but once the holiday comes and goes it loses some its luster. Lets not dwell on the holiday coming to an end though, as we still have one more holiday special to enjoy! Maybe. Hopefully…

Samurai Pizza Cats sure sounds similar to another show, doesn’t it? That’s obviously by design as starting in the late 80s the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles took the world by storm and made lots of people lots of money. The ridiculously named property originated in comics, but once it made the move to television it had to be altered to make it more kid-friendly and toy-friendly. As part of that adaptation, the Turtles were given a favorite food, and since they live in New York, pizza was the chosen entrée. And boy did they like pizza, it was basically all they ate on the show. Given how silly the show was, it’s not at all surprising to find it was ripe for parody, and that’s partly how we got the Samurai Pizza Cats.

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The heroes of the show (left to right): Guido, Polly, and Speedy.

I say partly, because that’s not the show’s original name. Samurai Pizza Cats is a Japanese production originally titled as Kyatto Ninden Teyandee (which directly translates to Cat Ninja Legend Teyandee). When Saban got ahold of it is when it became known by its new English name. Allegedly, when Saban licensed it for global distribution they received either poor or no translations for the scripts so they basically just made up their own lore for the show. The show takes place in a version of Tokyo in which anthropomorphized animals dwell and some (all?) are partly cybernetic, including our heroes. They work in a pizza restaurant by day, but when duty calls they become heroes. The villain of the show is the local prime minister who is corrupt. The palace guard for the emperor is aware of the corruption, but he can’t prove it, so he relies on the heroic cats to stop the evil deeds.

The English script and dub, being wholly original, might cause anime fans to turn up their noses, but for my money it’s actually pretty well done. The show is just full of parody, pop culture gags, and lots of fourth-wall breaking. I didn’t watch this show as a kid (I don’t think it came to the US until 1996), so I’m not super familiar with it, but I was entertained by the script of this episode. Even if I didn’t tell you it was redone when brought over from Japan you would likely figure that out rather easily just by watching it. It’s very American, but it doesn’t try to hide the more anime moments and pretty much runs with it.

Our main characters are a trio of Samurai warriors who look like cute versions of the Ronin Warriors with a dash of Mega Man. They have a real cybernetic look to them and I assumed this was how they went into battle, but they actually add more armor and such when they prepare to fight (accompanied by traditional transformation animation that looks way better than the other animation in the episode). The three cats are Polly Esther, Guido Anchovy, and Speedy Cerviche. They’re joined by Francine who assists them from their headquarters and probably provides some tech support as well. Big Al Dente is the Chief of the Palace Guard and the one conspiring against the villain. He summons the cats when they’re needed. Big Cheese is our villain and is the Prime Minister of Little Tokyo looking to overthrow the emperor of Japan, who is named Frank. He’s supposed to be a fox, but Saban decided he looked enough like a rat to go with that instead. He’s assisted by the Ninja Crows and their leader Jerry Atric (hardy har-har) who he makes use of for his various schemes. And in this particular episode, ruining Christmas is the theme of the day.

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No messing around with this one, it’s Christmas morning right at the start!

The episode begins with a wild intro featuring narration that gives a general overview of the show. The narration is done by Michael Airington who is obviously doing a Paul Lynde impression during the opening song.. It’s a very jovial and announcer-like voice that works for the show. Legend has it that Airington was drunk on the job when he recorded the intro which may have even enhanced his performance. When the episode begins, the actual narrator is far more understated (and voiced by Terrence Scammell). The Pizza Cats are all receiving their Christmas presents as it’s Christmas morning. Guido (Terrence Scammell) seems unimpressed with a comb he receives and Polly (Sonja Ball) quickly jumps in to remind him it’s the thought that counts when it comes to Christmas presents. Speedy (Rick Jones) finds this hilarious and begins mocking her for her pure-hearted point of view. Polly tries appealing to the other female of the group, Francine (Pauline Little), who surprises her by going along with the other two as they shout at her Christmas is about the presents!

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They deserved this.

Lucille (Susan Glover) then enters to remark on what a lovely day it is. Lucille appears to be a sheep, though she has ram horns despite being female. She apparently owns a nearby tea house and Guido and Speedy are quite interested in her. They’re borderline lewd towards her, actually. Polly thinks she has an ally when Lucille enters, but she soon asks for her presents and adds she assumes she has lots and lots of them. This causes the narrator to chime in that yes, Christmas is all about presents, as the other cats look shocked by her response. Speedy and Guido go into their routine as they make each other laugh with each passing comment ending with Speedy pondering if Lucille wants them to take her out to lunch. She is not amused, and actually starts to cry. This causes the other cats to run in terror. I have no idea why, until Lucille basically explodes. Apparently, she has a lot of hardware under that kimono.

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Well, this guy hardly seems threatening.

The setting then pivots to the pagoda of The Big Cheese. It’s all decked out for the holidays as we see the villain awaking rather late on Christmas morning. Big Cheese (Dean Hagopian) arises from his bed excited to see what Santa has brought him. He’s wearing a nightgown and cap and the voice performance, combined with the clothing, gives him an obvious effeminate slant. I feel like a lot of villains were given such a characteristic during this era. He races to his giant stocking and hopes it contains a dance partner as pretty as he is handsome to take to the New Year’s Ball. We see an image of what he’s wishing for and it makes me wonder if in the original translation he was wishing to be the dancer. Instead, he finds a seemingly hungover Jerry Atric (Mark Camacho) who is quite receptive to the idea of being Big Cheese’s date to the ball. He then remarks that’s the last time he indulges in Timothy Leery bird seed, a noted proponent of psychedelic drugs so apparently Jerry here was up doing acid. Big Cheese then starts shaking the old bird demanding to know where his Christmas presents are. He tosses Jerry and he smashes into the screen prompting him to ask that someone please move the camera.

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Is there still time to change what I want for Christmas because I want this clock!

We then get a look at two other characters opening presents, Emperor Fred (Scammell) and Lady Vi (Liza MacRae). Fred appears to be a panda while Vi, his daughter, is a rabbit. She opens her gift and is ecstatic to find it’s exactly what she wanted:  a “Me” clock. It’s basically a cuckoo clock with her face on it. At the top of the hour, a little caricature of her pops out to shout, “Don’t tick me off!” Fred, who is apparently of limited intelligence, seems happy with his gift; a teddy bear that resembles him. Big Cheese is irritated to see the two enjoying their gifts when he received nothing. He heads to the balcony and looks down and sees all of the “extras” enjoying their presents too. He also notes that the producer’s family has a huge stack of presents as well. I love this fourth wall stuff!

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Poor Jerry has to give up his present to try and keep this brat in check.

He then directs his ire back at Jerry Atric. He’s happy to see he’s not enjoying a present, which leads to Jerry trying to downplay the whole present thing as he conceals a gift behind his back. Big Cheese sees it and immediately starts to get angry, but Jerry says it’s for Big Cheese from him and hands it over. This sates his boss, but only momentarily, as he opens the box to find ninja blades or something indicating it was obviously a gift for Jerry and immediately gets upset. He swipes at Jerry, but then goes into a tale about how his Christmases as a kid were just as bad as this one. We see a brief flashback where an excited young Seymour (that’s his real name) is opening a gift from Santa. His dad excitedly says it’s a real boy’s toy, which is a bizarre thing to say. He opens the box and sees a toy wagon hooked up to a toy bull. He proclaims “What’s this bull?!” and tosses it aside. Back in the present, Seymour starts shouting to the heavens about getting even with Santa. Jerry just watches and we hear some of his thoughts as he takes this all in. It seems he knows this is just going to lead to some crazy scheme he’ll have to partake in.

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For someone who has to work on Christmas, Speedy sure looks happy.

We then head back to see what the Pizza Cats are up to. Francine is taking orders and this show is quite adept at coming up with some gross toppings just like the Turtles did (sausage with mint jelly, in this case). Polly is ticked off that Speedy is apparently missing in action (I’m guessing he’s the delivery boy) and is taking it out on Guido. Meanwhile, some attendees at a Christmas market are enjoying some shopping. When a kid asks his mom why dad isn’t with them she says he’s at home waiting for the trickle down theory to take effect. As an econ major, this amuses me. Speedy is also passing through rather casually on his delivery route. He’s making up a song as he does so and seems to run out of words. Soon they spot a figure flying over the market – it’s Santa! He’s oddly in a one-reindeer open sleigh and looks a bit off. That’s because it’s obviously Seymour in disguise with Jerry acting as his lone elf helper. He passes out gifts to everyone which they happily receive.

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That dude is clearly not a rat, and also clearly not Santa.

Speedy sees the patrons greedily grabbing gifts and even gets knocked to the ground in the commotion. Maybe this is the start of him coming around on the whole giving is better than receiving thing? The people find the gifts are all masks, and soon they appear to be in a panic. Speedy takes note and wonders why Santa would do this. At the busy restaurant, a kid comes running in telling people Santa gave them creepy masks that won’t come off. Apparently they’re all stuck on, which is why the others seemed to be in such a panic. Guido and Polly take note as they run outside to try and help the crying mass of children. They can’t get the things off, while “Santa” flies overhead laughing all the way. He reveals that he put superglue in the masks and it’s at this point I realize his helper is not Jerry, but another character named Bad Bird (Michael O’Reilly). While Seymour enjoys his mayhem, Big Al (A.J. Henderson) is watching from the palace through a telescope and is sizing-up the imposter Claus. He recognizes Bad Bird and decides to put in a call to the Pizza Cats!

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So the headquarters for the good guys is just a giant gun. Something tells me that would have been a challenge to bring to toy stores in America.

We then get to see the transformation animation of the Pizza Cats. The three heroes jump into what the narrator refers to as laundry chutes, but they look kind of like pizza ovens to me. This takes them down a tunnel where their armor is put on. Meanwhile, the restaurant itself transforms as well with what is basically a giant revolver rising from the roof. The cats are loaded into it like bullets and then fired out into the sky as a trio of fireballs. The Paul Lynde voice and theme song return for this segment too and it’s quite a hoot. He cackles after delivering his lines as if he’s really amused by them which certainly makes the rumor about him being drunk at recording seem plausible. Francine chimes in with a little rhyme of her own essentially assuring her customers that everything is okay. She’s the one that engages the firing mechanism via a normal-sized revolver of her own.

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Bonus points for the festive heroic attire.

The fireballs fade away to reveal the heroic felines beneath them. They’re dressed in Santa suits and Speedy isn’t too pleased by this. Polly explains they’re dressed this way to restore Santa’s reputation. If the people see Santa-like beings saving Christmas, they’ll feel good about Santa once again. Meanwhile, Big Cheese is spreading more of his sinister gifts around Little Tokyo. This time though, the Pizza Cats drop in to prevent anyone from actually opening them. They first knock Big Cheese from the sky, who takes a terrible tumble along with Bad Bird. They then point out to the crowd of onlookers that this Santa is a fake, and they buy it. They start shouting fake as the Pizza Cats tell them of the nefarious gifts that await them.

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Even the villains in this show are kind of cute, in their own way.

Bad Bird ditches his disguise and goes after the Pizza Cats. He hits them with a bomb that knocks away their Santa costumes. The onlookers are then disappointed to see the Pizza Cats as this confirms they’re not denizens of the North Pole. Speedy shouts out what’s going on, while Big Cheese attempts to escape. When Polly points this out Speedy declares he won’t get away, “Not when I can pull out great props from no where!” And he does, as he produces a sort-of grappling hook that he tosses at Big Cheese to hook on his sleigh. As he pulls the villain towards him, the crowd runs at the sleigh and basically pummels the Hell out of Big Cheese.

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Robot #1. You can see why Speedy didn’t take it very seriously.

Bad Bird winces at the sight of Seymour getting mangled by jilted Christmas shoppers. He then summons another helper, this time it’s Hardy Boy, a robotic humanoid with a party hat. Speedy laughs when he sees the thing and mocks Bad Bird’s order to “Say your prayers.” He then pulls out his blade and jumps at the enemy only for it to blast him with a Christmas cracker that wraps him all up. Polly and Guido rush in to help as the robot fires some rockets their way. He then bends over as his party hat turns into a drill and is apparently ready to skewer the pair. Speedy then gets up and uses his sword to slash open the back of the robot. A big beam of light emerges and the robot falls away to reveal…

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Robot #2 is sort of creepy. I’m not sure why she has a bird beak, but whatever.

Another robot! This one looks like a female super model of sorts, only instead of a nose and mouth she has a small beak. The announcer seems to like her. Speedy is a bit intimidated and remarks that he hopes she’s not teed off. Apparently she is though, as she’s armed with a golf bag. She tees up a ball, and with a mighty swing she sends an explosive flying at the heroes. It rips through Guido’s umbrella and explodes on a nearby pagoda. Polly and Guido are a bit shaken, and then the robot starts launching more golf balls their way eventually sending them into the bushes. She then turns her attention to Speedy, and after some puns about making a point, she tosses a bunch of needles at him. Apparently golf isn’t her only gimmick as she’ll soon take note of Polly and Guido planning an attack. She then produces a giant pea pod, yes you read that right, which also contains giant explosive peas. I have no idea what her gimmick is at this point, but whatever.

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All right, we’ve had our fun and now it’s time to put an end to all of this.

Speedy has apparently had enough. He’s pretty ticked off that Santa’s reputation has been besmirched by these clowns and declares it’s time for the ultimate weapon. Yes, we’ve reached that point in the anime where the hero finally just uses the thing that always works. Speedy takes his sword and gets enveloped in an aura. The announcer even points fun at the whole ultimate weapon thing remarking the special FX guy was wondering when he’d be called upon. The sword basically splits into two better looking swords. With a cry of “Pizza power!” Speedy slices the air which sends energy slashes at the robot woman. She quotes Tweety Bird with a cry about seeing a “puddy tat” before she explodes. Bad Bird gets tossed as a result and he bemoans why they always lose to that sword. Seymour goes soaring by to answer it’s so stunt men have jobs. Speedy then reminds the kids who are watching to always eat their pizza as the trio pose triumphantly.

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Could that be the real Santa Claus? I’m still alarmed by the whole one reindeer thing.

We’re then taken back to town where all of the people are still suffering with their masks. A sight appears in the sky, could this be the real Santa Claus? He has what looks like a rocket sleigh and still just one reindeer, but the people are ready to believe anything. He drops some sparkly stuff on the crowd and soon the masks come off. Everyone is happy and also excited to find out that Santa is real! We then see that he is not, though, as it’s actually Big Al in disguise with Francine along to help. They’re just dropping some kind of glue solvent to get those masks off and Francine even makes a remark about Santa not being real, which is really odd to hear in a children’s show. Disturbing, even! The announcer even runs with it as he wraps things up by saying even if there isn’t really a Santa Claus, at least there are those willing to play the part. Thankfully, this isn’t the note we end on as we then pan to the sky and find the REAL Santa! He’s smiling and laughing and basically mocks the announcer before flying off passing by the moon in the process as he’s contractually obligated to do. And he too has just one reindeer. Clearly, this Santa is fraudulent as well.

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Ho ho! Now there’s the real Santa! And I thought this episode was going to blow the whole thing.

And that’s how this festive episode concludes. The machinations of this show are pretty straight-forward. The bad guy devises a scheme, the heroes arrive to face-off with he and his minions, they get beaten back, but then emerge victorious when the leader unleashes his ultimate power. It’s very similar to Power Rangers or Ronin Warriors in that regard. However, what elevates this program really is the script and performance of the voice actors. Now I’m guessing there is an offbeat quality to the original show, but I also get the sense that when the non-Japanese writers got ahold of this thing they felt it was pretty ridiculous, and it shows in their approach. Maybe that is offensive to fans of the original incarnation of the program, but it’s hard to deny a team of samurai cyborg felines that work at a pizza restaurant isn’t ridiculous on its own. The script was genuinely funny, and while there are certainly numerous bad puns, the show has this self-aware approach that actually makes those puns land in an ironic fashion. It’s silly and it’s fun. The only change I might have made was to not go with the title Samurai Pizza Cats. Because the 90s was full of sincere TMNT knock-offs, the parodic nature of this program doesn’t come through in that title. It probably should, given the silly-sounding title, but as I said the 90s was full of crap cartoons that make this one plausibly sincere. I know I and some of my friends dismissed it for that reason as a result.

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Gah! One reindeer! Are we sure he’s the real deal?!

For a 90s anime, this show is pretty consistent in terms of visual quality. I love the character designs as they strike a nice balance between cute and sleek. There is a nice melding of traditional Japanese settings with this cybernetic twist. The choice to dub Big Cheese as a rat is rather odd though as he clearly looks like a fox to me, but I guess that doesn’t really matter much in the grand scheme. The animation itself is somewhat limited as the characters are so complex it would be hard to have them in motion all of the time. As a result, there is a lot of standing around with just mouth flaps moving and extremely fast and exaggerated motions when the characters actually need to do something. This is par for the course with anime so it’s nothing to be surprised by. I enjoyed looking at this one, and I might even watch some more.

As for a Christmas episode, I was expecting there to be some lesson imparted on our heroes. They held a very cynical view of the holiday, all except Polly, and their selfishness was never really punished. I guess they didn’t get any superior presents and they did get blown up, but Polly suffered too. Speedy did witness the greed of the townsfolk and obviously didn’t enjoy it. They also had to defend the good name of Santa and weren’t looking for a reward beyond that so I guess that’s good. Not everything needs a moral, and I suppose the offbeat nature of the program means this one in particular doesn’t need to say a whole lot.

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There may not be a ton of traditional Christmas cheer in this one, but they did sneak in this nice, festive, image just before the end.

If you wish to take in a viewing of Samurai Pizza Cats the easiest way to do so is via Amazon Prime Video. It’s free for anyone who has a Prime membership so no additional purchase is necessary. It’s also not exactly a well-protected IP so if you don’t have Prime you can probably find it without issue for free elsewhere. The show was also released on DVD, if physical media is still your thing.

And that’s a wrap for this year’s edition of The Christmas Spot! I hope you enjoyed soaking in the holiday via Christmas specials, good and bad. I enjoy doing it and I plan to return to it again in 2020! For now though, enjoy the day and get all of the Christmas cheer you can tolerate for tomorrow it ends. Thanks for reading, and Merry Christmas!


Dec. 24 – Silly Symphony – “The Night Before Christmas”

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Originally released December 9, 1933.

We have reached a day of great, holiday, release – Christmas Eve. And what better way to mark the occasion than with a holiday short titled The Night Before Christmas. A lot of cartoons have made use of this title, but today’s subject is the Silly Symphony short that falls under that heading. It felt right to tackle this one in the wake of the Merrie Melodies short we looked at a few days ago. Those two brands are forever linked by their similar titles and the competition that existed at the time between the Walt Disney Studios and Warner Bros. Studios, a competition that still exists today.

The Silly Symphony collection was essentially Walt Disney Production’s play area. The Mickey Mouse shorts the studio was famous for were more straight-forward, while the Silly Symphony shorts could be just as narratively tight or could be more experimental in nature. In some respects, the shorts were a testing ground for techniques the studio would employ for its feature-length theatrical productions, like the multi-plane camera used in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Technicolor debuted here as well before making the jump to Mickey Mouse and even the studio’s greatest creation, Donald Duck, debuted in a Silly Symphony short (I may be a touch biased there). The shorts could be funny, whimsical, scary, whatever they needed to be. And sure, a bunch of them did just end up being characters largely dancing to some music, but there was also some great stuff in there.

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Note the top, in case you forgot who the real star is.

This short, The Night Before Christmas, is the 1933 sequel to the 1932 short Santa’s Workshop. In that cartoon, we watched Santa and his elves prepare for Christmas at the North Pole and it ends with the big guy saying “goodbye” to his loyal workers and heading off to deliver the presents. Well, this one is going to show us Santa on his journey that night through at least one house. This one was directed by Wilfred Jackson with Dick Huemer getting the credit for the animation. And as you would expect, it’s an adaptation of the famous poem A Visit from St. Nicholas by Clement Clark Moore. And since this is a 1933 short, it’s in Technicolor unlike the Merrie Melodies short we looked at earlier.

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The cozy confines for today’s short.

Like so many cartoons, this one also begins with a rendition of “Silent Night” as the title card is shown. Lest we forget who the real star is, this is credited as Mickey Mouse presents…, in case you had no idea what Walt Disney Productions was famous for. After the title card is removed the cartoon begins. A narrator is singing the poem from which this short takes its name. Leigh Harline is credited with the music on this short, but I do not know who the vocalist is that’s singing the song. The visuals show us a cozy home covered with snow. Everything is quiet, as the poem demands, and the home’s children are snug in a rather large bed – all 8 of them.

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That was a close one, boys.

The vocals end with the sound of sleigh bells as we see Santa flying high overhead with his team of eight not-so-tiny reindeer out in front single-file. They barely fit onto the roof of the house, which is maybe why Santa’s reindeer are often in a two-across formation, but the lead reindeer is able to keep from sliding off and Santa seems ignorant to the near miss. He climbs out of the sleigh and makes his way down the chimney. He’s a fairly large Santa and certainly a round one. He has a permanent smile affixed to his face and he is prone to frequent bouts of laughter. He’s not exactly the quiet kind of Santa.

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Fire just loves Santa’s ass.

When he emerges from the chimney he’s all covered in soot, but doesn’t seem to mind. Somewhat surprising for a 1930’s short, his sootiness isn’t in the form of a blackface gag which is nice to see. He shakes the soot off and seems to notice the hot coals in the fireplace, a near miss for Santa’s rump. When he turns his back on the hot coals they grow into tall flames which reach out and caress Santa on the bum. He jumps and spins around waving a finger at the fire. He then laughs and the flames go out making me wonder if he has this sort of playful relationship with all of the fireplaces he’ll visit this evening.

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There’s something familiar about that toy in front, and something odd about that sheep one.

Santa then gets to work. He first pulls out a modest tree from his sack which isn’t quite as tall as he is. He opens it like an umbrella and places it on the floor. He then pulls out a toy bugle and uses it to summon the toys to work. A marching band comprised of toy clowns emerge first from the sack as they lead the rest of the toys which soon includes dolls and even a toy Mickey Mouse riding on a scooter. The animation with Mickey repeats several times almost as if they wanted to make sure everyone noticed the rather hard to miss cameo. One toy squeezing a sheep is a bit curious looking. I don’t want to say it’s definitely blackface, but it’s close.

The toys then begin decorating the tree which includes some lit candles (there must have been countless Christmas tree related fires over the years). My favorite gag, if you can call it that, would be the team of toy soldiers firing ornaments out of a toy canon at the tree. A plane flies around leaving a trail of garland on the tree while toy firemen coat the tree with artificial snow.

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Santa pretty much thinks anything he does is hilarious.

While the toys take care of what is apparently their job, Santa starts filling stockings. Some are a bit shabby looking, but all have a little note in them detailing what the kid wants for Christmas. One stocking is actually a diaper, which Santa puts a doll in. Another appears to be three socks stitched together which is the perfect size for a baseball bat, which forces a laugh out of Santa. When he comes to one with a hole in the toe, he improvises by first sticking an umbrella in it upside down and then dumps a bunch of toys into it laughing all the while.

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That’s a mighty fine tree there, toys.

Horns sound to apparently announce that the tree has been decorated. All that is left is for a toy zeppelin to fly to the top with the star-shaped tree topper. Once it’s placed where it belongs a small cheer goes up and the clown band starts playing “Jingle Bells.” The other toys dance merrily while Santa gets in on the act via a toy piano. If you’re thinking this must be noisy as hell, then you would be right. Soon, the kids perk up due to all of the commotion, and a patch on the comforter even flips open to reveal a ninth kid had been sleeping underneath it. The kids race to the top of the stairs for a look, with our ninth kid apparently the focal point as he’s the straggler and the seat of his pajamas is unbuttoned revealing his naked bottom. As the kids look on, it’s this little guy who tries to hold back a sneeze, and fails, alerting Santa down below.

Santa hastily orders the toys back to their places. They all head for their spot under the tree with some toys returning to their packaging. As the kids descend the stairs, Santa squeezes himself into the fireplace with his empty sack, places a finger beside his nose, and vanishes up the chimney.

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And we almost made it to the end…

The kids then attack the tree as they all reach for the toys that stand out most to them. Our little straggler, who is apparently named Junior, is the only one who apparently noticed a disturbance by the fire place and he heads for that first. Looking up the chimney, a blast of soot falls on his face and there we have it – a blackface gag (sigh). Our attention is soon directed to an unopened present under the tree addressed to Junior and he heads over and opens it. Inside is a little, black, Scottish Terrier which licks the soot off of his face. All of the kids then run to the window when they hear the sound of sleigh bells and they watch as Santa and his team of reindeer fly off into the creepiest looking moon I’ve ever seen. It has an unpleasant grin, and this is basically the same shot that ended the previous short, Santa’s Workshop. The vocalist from earlier returns as well to sing the final stanza of the poem with the short ending on the now famous line “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

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Having an adorable puppy erase the blackface is probably the best outcome we could have asked for.

The Night Before Christmas is a fairly tame piece of animation, that one instance of blackface excluded. It has a simple premise and follows the Silly Symphony formula of showing a bunch of characters acting out a mundane process, but with a touch of fantasy. There’s no spoken dialogue in this one, aside from the narration of the poem, as Santa just laughs a bunch and never actually says a word to the reindeer or the toys. He doesn’t even get to belt out that closing line. The kids also don’t really say anything, they just cheer or make a noise of surprise or delight. I like that they never actually see Santa until they get to the window, as even from atop the stairs they couldn’t see anything since the room Santa was in is blocked by a door.

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I expected an ending in which Santa flies in front of the moon. What I did not expect was for that moon to wear a maniacal grin.

What this short does have some fun with is merely the process Santa goes through at each house. It’s a bit surprising to see so many toys bestowed upon these children since this was released during The Great Depression. I suppose we get some sense of that via the shabby stockings and the fact that all of the kids share a single bed. Santa bringing the tree and decorating seems to be a relic of the old days. I know my dad’s family never decorated their tree, that was Santa’s job, though I think they at least put it up first. I think some families did decorate it together on Christmas Eve before going to bed, as I’m sure some probably do that now. I think for many homes though the customary thing to do now is to get a tree and then decorate it as soon as possible. The only matter up for debate is how soon is too soon. I like getting as much visual enjoyment as possible from a tree so I’m more of the sooner the better camp. However, I have my limits. My neighbors literally put their tree (an artificial one) up the weekend after Halloween which is something I thought only happened in Bob’s Burgers. If you want my advice, even though it’s pretty useless advice coming on Christmas Eve, I say cut down your own tree if you can that way you can put it up in early December and it will still be relatively fresh come the end of the month. Those lot trees are often cut in October which is why they often don’t last very long. And if you do have a tree, don’t put lit candles on it or leave it plugged in when you’re not home or asleep. Lets avoid those Christmas tree fires, everyone.

If you want to check out this short this year then it would be rather helpful to have the collection of Silly Symphony shorts, More Silly Symphonies, which was released in 2006 as part of the Walt Disney Treasures line. It’s since gone out of print, and as of this writing it wasn’t on Disney+ and if you’re reading that then it wasn’t added before this went up, which is a shame, but that blackface gag could be to blame. There’s still hope though as Disney is not very protective of these shorts so if you just punch it into your preferred search engine you’ll probably find it no problem. And if you can’t, maybe that too is a bit of a good thing as it likely means Disney is prepping this for a future release on Disney+ or via some other method. We’re still waiting on an HD release of all of the classic shorts, so come on Disney, what are you waiting for? Needless to say, have a Merry Christmas Eve and hopefully you can find some time to check back tomorrow for the final entry in this year’s edition of The Christmas Spot.


Dec. 23 – Missing in Action Christmas Specials

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The closest the original DuckTales got to Christmas was this TV spot.

When you do an annual advent calendar-styled countdown of Christmas programming, you start to realize the brands you can rely on and what you cannot. It can be a challenge to find 25 worthy topics, so in order to prevent a time crunch every fall I keep a list of specials I can source from. Throughout the year if I stumble across one I’ll add it to the list. Sometimes I’ll think I’ve found something only to find out it was a misleading title such as the episode “It’s a Thunderful Life” of the not well-remembered The Terrible Thunder Lizards program. And then there are times when I’ll find a special and I’ll view it, only to find there’s nothing to talk about. It’s not good, nor is it really bad, it’s just bland and forgettable.

Inevitably, I’ll take a look at my list at various times throughout the year and I’ll be surprised at an absence. I’ll then seek out the special I think I’m looking for only to be reminded that, “Oh yeah, that show never had a Christmas episode.” One of my top offenders each year was DuckTales. The original run for that show ran for over 100 episodes and never broached the subject of Christmas, even though Scrooge McDuck debuted in a Christmas comic book! Disney was new to television with that series and also new to syndication. Television stations typically don’t like syndicated programs to feature seasonal episodes since they don’t want to have to worry about when the episode airs. Who wants to see a Christmas episode in May? It’s an overblown issue though, which is probably why many syndicated shows would toss that aside and go with whatever stories they wanted to tell. The new version of DuckTales rectified this problem, as we saw way back on December first, which is why I’ve decided not to include the 87 version in this post.

In the spirit of this phenomenon, as it were, I want to highlight the cartoons that decided against doing a Christmas episode. These are the shows I’m most surprised by, and some of them have tripped me up more than once. I’ve looked through the episode list for these programs repeatedly looking for key words like Santa, Christmas, presents, or even snow. Alas, I guess when it came to Christmas and these shows, it just wasn’t meant to be.

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Despite their numerous rescues, the Rescue Rangers never saved Christmas.

Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers

Hot on the heels of DuckTales came Chip ‘n Dale:  Rescue Rangers. This show took the comedic duo who harassed Donald Duck and Pluto on numerous occasions and gave them their own show where they solved crimes a d helped those in need – quite a turn for the former mischief makers. They were paired with some newcomers in the inventor mouse Gadget and the cheese-obsessed Monterey Jack. Zipper the fly completed the group and they were often tasked with solving crimes or rescuing someone. The show was another direct-to-syndication affair with a 65 episode order that premiered in the fall of 1989. And like DuckTales, there was no Christmas episode for these adventurers even though one practically would have wrote itself. The diminutive heroes often found themselves helping kids, so helping a kid get on Santa’s good side could have been a plot. Or having the Rescue Rangers just plain save Christmas from a Grinch-like villain would have worked fine. Seeing the Rangers ride around in Santa’s sleigh would have been a great and festive way to end an episode. Pretty much all of the Disney Afternoon programs that followed would get a Christmas special. The only one off the top of my head I think did not is Gargoyles. I also don’t think many of the shows based on film properties (e.g. – Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Timon and Pumba) had Christmas episodes either. Alas, we’ll just have to make due with the classic Disney shorts Toy Tinkers and Pluto’s Christmas Tree if we want to see the chipmunks in action around the holidays.

cowabunga christmas

There is a ton of TMNT Christmas merch out there, but surprisingly no television special to go with it.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987)

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were a marketing bonanza in the late 80s and into the early 90s. The show basically existed because Playmates needed it to in order to sell toys, which is how many cartoons from that era came about. And it was a great vehicle to do so as the Turtles often had new vehicles and inventions to make use of and there was always a new mutant to battle who could quickly become an action figure. That merchandizing tie-in aspect of the show makes it a bit of a surprise it didn’t bring along Christmas, the time of year when more toys are sold than at any other point. Playmates could have been handed holiday versions of the Turtles and other characters in which they’re wearing festive sweaters or are even decked out like Santa and his elves. There could have been a mutated reindeer friend for the Turtles, maybe one with a radioactive, glowing, red, nose! A sleigh that is rocket-propelled and drops bombs or a gnarly snowboard for Mikey to hit the slopes with. Plus, there was a Christmas story all ready to go in the comics in the form of the Michaelangelo one-shot issue from Mirage in which Mikey busts up an illegal toy-smuggling ring. That episode would be adapted for the 2003 cartoon and titled “The Christmas Aliens,” but it amazes me it took over 15 years for that to happen.

dragon ball christmas

Yes, it would be silly and possibly stupid to have Goku face-off with Santa, but I bet it would be a lot of fun!

Dragon Ball

One of the longest running anime ever has produced hundred of hours of television, and not once has Christmas been relied upon to drive an episode. Dragon Ball and its many iterations has been entertaining kids and adults since the mid 1980s. It’s known as much for its action as it is for its silly and sometimes juvenile sense of humor. It’s that aspect of it that seems to make it ripe for a Christmas special. An ignorant Goku could have been introduced to the concept of Christmas by one of his friends and found the custom confusing. He could have ended up giving weird gifts, or doing something selfless and noble, either would be in-character. I think a somewhat comedically dark ending with Goku out in the wilderness seeing Santa and blasting him with a Kamehameha could have been entertaining too. Maybe the episode ends with him roasting a reindeer after Santa fled in panic with Goku clueless over what he had just done. These are all more Dragon Ball-styled plots. A Dragon Ball Z or Dragon Ball Super plot would obviously involve Goku challenging Santa to a fight. Santa would either be super powerful, or super not with Goku accidentally really hurting him in a slapstick kind of way. Maybe following such an injury, Goku has to take over as Santa for a night which has comedic potential as well, so much so that I’ve basically talked myself into wanting this. And it all ends with Oolong getting a stocking full of women’s underwear on Christmas morning. Now that’s a sentimental sort of ending.

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Goofy has experienced Christmas via Mickey and Goof Troop, but he never got to star in a holiday short of his very own.

Goofy

In the 90s, Goofy received his own show. It was basically an animated sitcom, and it put Goofy in the role of a single father. Goof Troop was a surprisingly poignant show and a different take on the character than what we were used to seeing. Goofy had shown a domesticated side on occasion in his old shorts, but nothing really like this. Goof Troop received it’s own Christmas special, and the characters returned in the same role for Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas years later with a different Christmas outing. That’s good that Goofy got multiple looks at it because he was the lone holdout back in the days of the cartoon short to not have a Christmas episode. Donald Duck received Toy Tinkers, while Mickey and Pluto both got to star in Pluto’s Christmas Tree, but Goofy got nothing. That’s why when packages of cartoons were shown with Mickey’s Christmas Carol on television the Goofy short often shown was The Art of Skiing, a quality short for sure, but not a Christmas one. Goofy comically trying to setup a tree or decorate a house seems like a great way to use his brand of physical comedy. It could have even been in the form of one of his classic “How to” shorts such as “How to Prepare for the Holidays.” Goofy playing Santa, Goofy cooking a turkey, Goofy wrapping gifts – it’s almost too easy! Maybe that’s why it never happened?

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This show was just a commercial for Nintendo products so it’s surprising that they didn’t add in the wonder of Christmas at any point.

Captain N: The Game Master

Captain N was possibly the only show more cynical than Masters of the Universe or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when it came to hawking merchandise. It was basically an animated commercial for Nintendo as the main character, Kevin, sported a Nintendo controller as a belt buckle and armed himself with a zapper. His allies in the show were all stars of their own video games like Kid Icarus and Simon Belmont and they even made the Game Boy a character later on. Maybe the showrunners felt that doing a Christmas episode would be too on the nose, but I think it would have fit the mold just fine. Imagine all of the Nintendo products that could have been piled under that cartoon tree. I’m not saying it would have been good, as this show is pretty terrible to revisit, but it may have at least featured some ironic humor. At the very least, we could have seen Dracula’s castle covered in snow or found out if a Game Boy can function during a blizzard.


Dec. 22 – BoJack Horseman Christmas Special – “Sabrina’s Christmas Wish”

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Original release date December 19, 2014.

Netflix has officially arrived! For the first time we are doing a Netflix-only Christmas Special at The Christmas Spot. I know the streaming company has been waiting patiently for such an honor, and I would like to thank them for the “Christmas Bonus” they sent my way to get this up.

Netflix has changed the way we consume content. While television once operated on a weekly schedule in seasonal formats now it basically arrives like an avalanche at all times of year. Netflix was first just in the business of loaning out DVDs by mail to consumers providing a new way to rent movies as opposed to heading out to Blockbuster or whatever local rental place may have been nearby. Now Netflix is a content producer and it unleashes it all upon viewers via its on demand streaming network. If the mark of a true success is imitation, then Netflix is one of the greatest success stories engineered by humanity since streaming services keep popping up like weeds all around. And for the most part, all of them resemble Netflix with little deviation. The only one to really start doing anything different is Disney+ which is trying to bring back the weekly release schedule. So far so good for Disney, but it will be interesting if consumers demand that Disney give into “The Binge” and force a change.

One of Netflix’s earliest success stories in the field of animation is BoJack Horseman. The show was created by Raphael Bob-Waksberg and stars Will Arnett, Amy Sedaris, Alison Brie, Paul F. Tompkins, and Aaron Paul with both Arnett and Paul also receiving Executive Producer credits as well. The show takes place in a fictional version of the US in which humans live alongside human-animal hybrids. The show almost never explicitly draws attention to that fact as character’s just accept everything at face value and the various different species all seem to interbreed, though there aren’t any weird hybrids that I’ve noticed. The main character is BoJack Horseman, a former actor who starred in a Full House styled sitcom in the late 80s/early 90s in which he played the lead role of the Horse who took in three orphans. Titled Horsin’ Around, it’s understood the show was terrible, but it’s BoJack’s only claim to fame and even though it made him fabulously wealthy he’s really depressed over the fact that it’s all anyone will ever know him for.

The show recently released the first half of what will be its sixth and final season. Most Netflix shows rarely reach a sixth season so it’s not a surprise the show is set to wrap-up soon, but it comes with some bad timing since the employees at production company Tornante Television recently voted in favor of unionizing. Almost immediately, another Tornante program was cancelled by Netflix and with BoJack set to end in January it’s possible Netflix will distance itself from Tornante, which is a real shame. While the shows are a bit ugly, they’re quite smart and the minimalist animation works for the material since this is more of a sitcom styled show as opposed to some wacky, animated, adventure.

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“Joy to the world, Todd is here. He drank up all your beer!”

One thing I do enjoy about Netflix is its propensity for Christmas Specials. It seems like every Netflix original has a Christmas Special so when a show doesn’t it’s actually surprising (looking at you Disenchantment). BoJack Horseman is no exception as the show’s Christmas Special arrived not long after season one in the form of BoJack’s Christmas Special – “Sabrina’s Christmas Wish.” The character of Sabrina refers to a character from Horsin’ Around played by the fictional actress Sarah Lynn. This episode is basically just BoJack and his house guest Todd watching a Christmas themed episode of Horsin’ Around for their amusement, and because the two have no one else to spend Christmas with.

The episode begins with BoJack (Will Arnett) being rudely woken up by Todd (Aaron Paul) who has burst into his room singing Christmas carols while wielding a giant candy cane. He also boasts, as part of his song, that he’s pretty loaded and BoJack is quite grumpy about being woken up. He doesn’t care that it’s Christmas, and mostly just wants Todd to leave. He informs Todd he didn’t get him anything, but that’s no problem as Todd reveals he used BoJack’s credit card to buy himself a new hat for Christmas, which looks exactly like his old hat.

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Todd is eager to watch some bad TV with his buddy BoJack.

Todd then brings up the subject of watching a Christmas edition of Horsin’ Around as a way to celebrate the holiday. BoJack, who normally never turns down an invitation to watch Horsin’ Around, isn’t onboard as he states Christmas Specials are just manipulative pieces of trash that aren’t worth watching. Todd insists that this is the best way to spend the holiday and eventually BoJack relents. They both sit on the edge of BoJack’s bed as Todd inserts the DVD into the player to get things started.

We’re then treated to the entire opening credits of Horsin’ Around. It’s at this point I realize this episode of BoJack Horseman is probably going to largely be an episode of Horsin’ Around. After the cleverly cheesy credits finish, the sitcom begins with the Horse sitting down for breakfast. His oldest daughter, Olivia (Alison Brie), is making breakfast while son Ethan (Adam Conover) reads the newspaper. We soon learn this behavior is out of character for Olivia as BoJack’s character points it out. Anytime a bad joke is uttered there’s an over-the-top laugh track from a “live studio audience” to really make this feel like an 80s sitcom. Olivia is angling for a leather jacket for Christmas so she looks cool on some dude’s motorcycle. Ethan, by comparison, points out he sees no need for fashionable attire and would prefer some functional, warm, socks. He’s supposed to be a nerdy character with a dash of Michael J. Fox’s Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties.

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The cast of Horsin’ Around (left to right): Olivia, the Horse, Sabrina, and Ethan.

Sabrina (Kristen Schaal) soon enters and the Horse sees her as a vessel for some holiday cheer since she’s the youngest of the three orphans. BoJack explains Christmas and the concept of Santa to the girl who has no concept of anything, which is laughable even for an orphan, but the show plays it straight. Sabrina is the sassy young girl character, basically Michelle from Full House, and she’s armed with a catchphrase that she gets to use twice in one scene – “That’s too much, man!” It’s actually a clever little piece of writing as she first uses it as a catch phrase then repeats it when she finds out Santa is always watching. One guy in the “studio audience” really seems to like it. Ethan then tries out his catchphrase, “Yowza-yowza-bo-bowsa!” to no reaction from the other characters or the studio audience. The Horse then tells the kids their Christmas will be a thousand times better than the ones they’ve had before. Since they’ve never had a Christmas, Ethan points out a thousand times zero is still zero prompting the Horse to deliver a playful noogie while imitating an Italian mob boss, a joke the show will return to.

We then shift settings with the Horse going to work. He apparently works at a law firm and as he approaches the secretary, Tracy (Nicole Sullivan), the two exchange some playful flirting that takes a bit of a creepy turn when the Horse makes a comment about his underwear. The Horse is trying to get ahead on work stuff with his boss, Mr. Liberatore (Stanley Tucci), so he doesn’t have to work on Christmas. He then starts speaking ill of his boss to Tracy as she makes gestures trying to quiet him. When he realizes what’s going on he says “He’s right behind me, isn’t he?” but he’s actually not, rather he’s been on speaker the whole time and heard everything. He’s not too upset though and informs the Horse a Mr. Goldstein is coming in on Christmas and if Horse wants to make partner he needs to show that kind of initiative. When the Horse points out that Goldstein is Jewish, Mr. Liberatore reacts with surprise and then remarks under his breath that the boys at the country club won’t like that. He then tells the Horse he can spend Christmas morning with his kids, but he expects him to come to work that afternoon. As the call ends, the Horse hangs his head in despair.

goober

Get that Goober out of here, man!

Back at the house, Olivia and Ethan are reading magazines on the couch. When Olivia remarks that it’s too quiet, and Ethan agrees, that’s the cue for the wacky neighbor character to come bursting in unannounced. He’s known as the Goober (Fred Savage), and he’s essentially a male version of Kimmy from Full House who also has a crush on Olivia, so I guess that makes him a bit like Urkel too. He’s dressed as Santa and he tells the kids the Horse invited him over to help make Sabrina’s Christmas a magical one. When Horse and Sabrina enter, she sniffs out the disguise immediately and quite literally since he apparently wears a very fragrant cologne.

Todd interjects with an “Oh, Goober,” which earns him the ire of BoJack who appears to be getting into this episode of Horsin’ Around. When Todd points out as much, BoJack gets defensive and asks why they’re doing this again. Todd remarks that it’s tradition to watch bad TV at Christmas, and when BoJack disagrees Todd states “Things don’t become traditions because they’re good, BoJack, they become good because they’re traditions.” BoJack points out you can’t sound smart just by repeating things backwards, but Todd uses the same technique in response which further frustrates BoJack. Todd then changes the subject by saying he can’t believe Groober went and molested a bunch of Laker girls. BoJack, who is quite protective of his former show, gets upset and points out that Goober did no such thing, the actor who played Goober did those horrible things. BoJack then takes a swig from his flask as Todd points out this is nice. He disagrees and tells him to shut up and resumes Horsin’ Around.

Goober drops the act and goes with the old line that he actually works for Santa and can put in a good word. Sabrina has the whole gift thing explained to her again, and she starts asking for mundane items. The Horse really wants her to aim big though, so she does by asking Santa to return her dead parents to her for Christmas. Cue the sad music and dejected postures. Todd then tells BoJack he’s a really good actor which just annoys BoJack. This somehow leads to an argument about Die Hard and how John McClane’s cop helper (played by Reginald VelJohnson) was the cop from Family Matters, according to Todd. BoJack explains it was just the same actor and the cop characters are from different cities. Todd counters with Witness Protection and BoJack just screams into his pillow in frustration.

sabrina_shovel

How do you tell a kid who is acting perfectly they’re not getting what they want for Christmas?

Back on TV, the Horse can’t believe he has to work on Christmas and he ends up demonstrating some dance moves for Olivia in the kitchen. Sabrina then enters after shoveling the walk and we see she’s doing her best to be extra good so Santa will get her what she wants for Christmas. The Horse tries to explain how the Santa thing works, but Sabrina doesn’t get it and still clings to the notion that Santa can return her parents. When she leaves, the Horse voices his concerns to Ethan and Olivia as he tries to figure out a way out of this mess that doesn’t involve him telling Sabrina that Santa isn’t real. When Olivia asks if they’re sure Santa can’t raise the dead, Ethan has the line of the show, “On Dancer, on Prancer, on Necromancer.”

sabrina_cookies

You don’t! You just trick them into being bad so they experience the horrible guilt for an entire year!

The subject of tricking Sabrina into doing something naughty so that Santa doesn’t bring her anything is then raised by Olivia, but the Horse insists he can’t play such a trick on her. As he repeats himself over and over we eventually cut to Sabrina watching over a plate of cookies. The Horse explains they’re for Santa and needs her to guard them. He leaves her alone and then he and the other two watch from behind the door as Sabrina resists the temptation to eat the cookies. Olivia scolds the Horse for not leaving some milk as no one wants to eat cookies without milk!

bojack_christmas_morning

Sabrina doesn’t look too happy with her gift.

Christmas morning arrives and Ethan is quite happy to receive sensible winter socks. Olivia excitedly opens her gift and the Horse teases she’ll need it for when she rides on that motorcycle, only she opens the box to find a helmet. Sabrina opens her gift and finds a playset she had initially asked for before she was provoked into thinking bigger. She’s disappointed, and as it looks like she’s about to cry that smart ass Ethan chimes in with a “And cue the water works in thirty, twenty-nine…” prompting BoJack to hit the fast forward button on the remote. When Ethan’s absurdly long countdown is concluded, Sabrina discovers a letter on the tree that’s apparently intended for her. She somehow knows that, but then reveals she can’t read! She hands the letter to the Horse who reads it aloud for her. It’s a letter from her parents in Heaven, and they’re sorry they can’t be there, but they love her and all of that stuff. This only makes things worse as Sabrina gets angry and reminds everyone she wanted her parents, not a letter. She then tells everyone she hates Santa, and Christmas, and a bunch of other stuff as she storms off to her room.

The Horse enters Sabrina’s room for the big talk. You know, that contrivance that ended basically every episode of Full House. It progresses like the usual sappy talk but then takes an odd turn when the Horse admits that Santa is made up after he becomes frustrated with Sabrina’s misunderstanding of the whole scheme. He tells Sabrina that Santa comes from good intentions, but since he’s fake he can’t bring her parents back. Sabrina takes it all in stride, and really she should since a few days ago she had apparently never heard of this Santa fellow. Then the conversation takes a dark turn. As the Horse explains how he never expected to be in this situation, but wants to express that he’s happy he ended up this way, he basically says he’s glad her parents are dead. Sabrina then shockingly agrees, and the two hug it out. The Horse then gives her a present from him, some pencils with her name on them which was her initial gift request. She reveals in the moment that she can’t even read her own name, which is rather sad since my three-year old can pull that off. Sabrina then heads back downstairs, but before the Horse follows he calls his boss to tell him he won’t be coming in at all today. Mr. Liberatore is proud of the guts the Horse displayed in calling him and gives him a promotion to partner in return because it’s Christmas! He also says Goldstein can work somewhere else if he wants to work on Christmas prompting the excitable member of the studio audience to scream, “Fire that Jew!”

horsin_around_endBack downstairs, Sabrina is happily playing with her new pony toy and her pencils. Olivia asks the Horse how he got her to come back down and he returns to the Italian mob boss voice and says he “Made her an offer she couldn’t refuse.” They have a laugh and Ethan tries his catchphrase again. He once again gets no reaction from the studio audience, while the actors look embarrassed for him. Olivia then compliments the Horse on his idea for writing a letter from Sabrina’s parents. He tells her he didn’t do it while she and Ethan deny responsibility. The camera then pans to the star tree topper and we hear a “Ho ho ho!” as the episode within the episode ends.

beer_cans_and_bojack

That’s a lot of beer for a half hour show.

Todd then expresses confusion to BoJack about who wrote the letter. He points out the laughter at the end suggests Santa wrote it which further confuses Todd as he asks if Santa is real in this fictitious world. BoJack then gets frustrated and says they were all on cocaine when they made the show. BoJack then says he can’t believe he wasted nine years of his life on that show. Todd tries to cheer him up and points out two episodes in particular in which Sabrina befriended a black person and Ethan learned a valuable lesson about not staring directly into a solar eclipse. He then says he liked spending part of his Christmas with BoJack and wishes him a Merry Christmas. He gets up to leave when BoJack points out there are eight other Christmas episode of Horsin’ Around. He somewhat shyly asks Todd if he wants to watch more. Todd finishes off his giant candy cane and then pulls out another as he’s eager to watch more. They climb into bed to and Todd then asks if they can do other Christmas things and lists them off:  get a tree, make snow angels, drink eggnog, etc. BoJack says no to everything except drinking bourbon as the credits hit.

No one would watch an episode of Full House and call it a well-written show. However, there is an artform to writing intentionally bad scripts with sincerity. That’s why this episode of BoJack Horseman ultimately works. Horsin’ Around comes across with an authentic earnestness that makes it believable as a corny sitcom. The bad jokes are ironically funny and the character archetypes are well-executed parodies to the point where they feel natural. The only joke within the joke I felt got old was the one audience member who would shout out the obvious. That part felt like a Family Guy gag, but I’ll admit he got me with his “Fire the Jew!” remark so I guess he proved his worth in the end.

And speaking of the end, that final conversation between the Horse and Sabrina helped make the episode. Seeing the two stumble into a conversation that included the phrase “I’m glad your parents are dead and never coming back,” is well-executed dark humor. They play it so straight leading up to that point and after that it works as a piece of shock humor without feeling cheap. It helps that Todd and BoJack, who interject little comments all episode, don’t even react to it and draw attention to it further selling the show’s attempted sincerity by implying that its audience is totally accepting of it.

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The ending with Todd and BoJack ready for more is surprisingly sweet.

The Todd and BoJack dynamic from season one is on full display here. It’s a pairing that worked really well in the show that is sadly no longer really a part of the later seasons. Todd annoys BoJack and appears to be a leach since he just lives in BoJack’s house rent free. The relationship is more like the other way around though as BoJack needs Todd around to hide from his own demons and provide a distraction. It gives him an easy target too as he can blame some things on Todd rather than himself. During the episode Todd’s candy cane gets progressively smaller while beer cans pile up around BoJack. It’s a nice piece of visual comedy and there is some genuine sweetness to the episode’s end with both characters eager to watch more Christmas specials.

Since this show is basically a dark comedy, there aren’t many genuine Christmas feels to find and exploit. Horsin’ Around is almost so effective at evoking bad sitcoms that it almost pulls off a sappy Christmas vibe, but that ending turns it upside down. We never get a glimpse of Santa besides Goober and there’s just a little holiday decorating going on in Horsin’ Around. The scenes in BoJack’s bedroom contain little or no Christmas flair, aside from Todd’s candy cane, so this isn’t the sort of special you turn to expecting something sugary. It does provide some laughs, but not really laugh out loud moments. If you’re the sort of person that prefers Bad Santa to It’s a Wonderful Life then this is probably for you.

If you want to catch the BoJack Horseman Christmas Special then your best and most convenient option is Netflix. The show was also made available on DVD and Blu Ray so you have that option as well. Comedy Central did show the first season and I am unsure if they have the rights to the Christmas episode. It doesn’t hurt to look I suppose and if I come across it I’ll update this post. The show as a whole is worth exploring so I do recommend this episode. It basically exists outside the show’s usual continuity and I think it’s more rewarding for those who have at least watched the first season, but there’s enough good character work here that I think you could just drop in and enjoy it as well. It’s not for everyone though.

 

 

 


Dec. 21 – Nerds and Monsters – “Zanti-Clops”

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Original air date August 27, 2014 (how festive).

I was doing a lot of different things in the year 2014. It was a busy one, but one thing I was not doing was watching Canadian children’s animation. Which is why I had zero knowledge of the cartoon series Nerds and Monsters before today. Nerds and Monsters, from what I have read and the little I have seen, seems to be a show about four kids who have somehow become stranded on an island of monsters. The children are the nerds, though one of them is a jock, and the monsters are just monsters. The kids clash with the monsters since their culture is foreign to them and maybe some of the monsters want to eat them or something.

Nerds and Monsters ran for 40 episodes before wrapping-up in 2016. During its brief existence it won several Leo Awards and a Canadian Screen Award. It would seem it was a quality show based on those accolades, not that awards are necessarily the best way to measure the quality of a piece of art. The show aired in a variety of places outside of the United States, where I reside, though Hulu did pick it up eventually, though it no longer is shown there.

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This is not a show I ever really heard of, but it’s an interesting pairing.

Each episode of Nerds and Monsters comes in at a fairly typical 22 minutes without ads. Each episode is broken up into two roughly 11 minute shorts and it was during the show’s twentieth episode that a Christmas special was run. It’s called “Zanti-Clops,” and as you probably could have guessed, is about the monster version of the holiday with the Santa stand-in being a monstrous cyclops. The kids will learn about this holiday and have to judge it for themselves and surely some culture shock will take place that hopefully leads to laughs.

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Let me tell you a tale of a kid-devouring, poop leaving, magical being known as Zanti-Clops.

The episode begins with the leader of the monsters, Zarg (Brian Dobson), regaling the monster children with the tale of Zanti-Clops. He summons a small monster named Tiny Stink to sit on his knee as he begins his little story. Tiny Stink is clearly an homage to Tiny Tim for he’s missing a leg and has a crutch instead. Zanti-Clops is the monster version of Santa who enters your home and takes your unwanted junk. In return, he leaves the monster children with a pile of magical, green, dung which resembles the poop of Roger the alien from American Dad!, only green instead of gold. Monsters apparently prize dung, or at least the dung of Zanti-Clops, as this is a desirable outcome for them. The catch though is if they sneak a peek at the monster he’ll eat them in retaliation. Tiny Stink claims this is how he lost his leg when he glimpsed the monster’s shadow and he’s genuinely grateful to Zanti-Clops for only taking his leg. With the story over, Zarg barks at the kids to get them to scatter and it’s only now that I notice his festive hat is meant to resemble the magic poo.

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The main cast, as far as I know: (left to right) Becky, Lyle, Dudley, Irwin, and Stan.

On a beach, the human children are going about their evening. Becky (Tabitha St. Germain), the only girl in the group, is examining a bug with her magnifying glass until a tortoise eats it. She ends up breaking the magnifying glass and is heartbroken as a result. Lyle (Brian Drummond) a little monster kid, comes running over to share the tale of Zanti-Clops with the kids. They are surprisingly not grossed out by the inclusion of poop in the story and are really receptive to the idea. Irwin (Vincent Tong) has an action figure with a pair of busted legs he’d like to get rid of and Stan (Ty Olsson), the jock, would like to get rid of his football as it’s become deflated (he thinks the engine is busted).

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The only cartoon where kids literally get dumped on.

The only kid not onboard with this Zanti-Clops thing is Dudley (St. Germain). Dudley is apparently the holiday killjoy as he doesn’t believe in magical anything. He views the promise of death if Zanti-Clops is spotted as being rather convenient despite Lyle’s protests. His insistence on Zanti-Clops being a myth causes Lyle to cry and run away leaving the other children angry with him. He then details why he doesn’t believe in such nonsense as sometime ago he really wanted a specific protractor for Christmas. We’re shown a flashback of him doing lots of chores in order to make sure he was on the nice list, one of which involves him falling into a toilet only for his dad to come sit on it and apparently defecate upon his son. This show really likes poop jokes. When Christmas morning came, Dudley received many toys, but rather than get the metal protractor he wanted he instead received a plastic one – the worst thing ever!

He pulls out the device and waves it around as a symbol of what believing in magical things can do to you. The other kids are sympathetic, but  don’t allow it to dissuade them from participating in this holiday tradition. Dudley shouts out a warning as they run off and tries to snap the protractor for added emphasis, only he’s too weak so Stan does it for him.

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I know what I’m putting at the top of my Christmas list this year!

The next morning, they all awake to find their junk has been replaced with majestic piles of dung. They’re all really excited to have this unique dropping, and Lyle comes back to show off the dung necklace he fashioned using the poop from past visits from Zanti-Clops. Dudley is the only kid who did not receive anything, but he also may not have put his junk out for Zanti-Clops to take. He’s still skeptical and thinks Lyle just came into their rooms, stole their junk, and took a shit as thanks (my words, not his). Lyle doesn’t understand how Dudley could remain unconvinced and wants to prove to him Zanti-Clops is real. The only way Dudley will be convinced though is if Lyle takes him to the cave at the top of the island’s mountain where Zanti-Clops apparently lives.

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I’m not an advocate for bullying, but it wouldn’t bother me to see Dudley get punched.

Despite his fear of being devoured, Lyle agrees to take Dudley up the mountain. And he literally has to take him for Dudley just stands still with his arms folded across his chest. He rides atop Lyle’s head through a cactus patch and has to be pulled up the steeper part of the mountain via a rope tied around Lyle’s waist. Eventually they reach the cave at dusk and find it’s empty. Dudley is ready to gloat and lets Lyle know he’s more than happy to say “I told you so,” at the sight of the empty cave. As the two walk out, Lyle hears the unmistakable sound of pain-deer, the screaming creatures that haul the sleigh of Zanti-Clops. They spot the monster flying through the sky and realize they went to the wrong cave.

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He’s real! He’s really real!

Once they get to the right cave, Lyle is too scared to enter. The two see it’s full of bones and junk forcing Dudley to concede that Zanti-Clops is real. He’s not willing to concede that he’s magical though, and just thinks he’s some monster running a junk for poop scheme. For some reason, he demands they have their junk returned and goes running in to confront the monster. Zanti-Clops (Lee Tockar) sees him and moves on him fast. The monster grabs Dudley and is prepared to eat him until Lyle comes running in. He has his eyes closed so that he doesn’t see Zanti-Clops and explains to him that Dudley doesn’t believe in magical beings. Zanti-Clops encourages Lyle to open his eyes. He’s apparently nicer than we’ve been lead to believe.

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And he’s also a monster with a reputation to uphold.

Zanti-Clops thanks Lyle for believing in him, and then turns his attention back to Dudley. Despite all that has transpired, Dudley is as stubborn as ever and perhaps foolishly brave. He tells Zanti-Clops he thinks he’s just a criminal, and explains his past holiday grievance while waving his busted protractor around. Zanti-Clops happily takes it from him, as it’s now junk, and seems to lose interest in convincing the kid the world possesses magic in it. Instead, he tells them a fact of his own:  if they tell anyone they saw him he’ll come for them and eat them! That’s enough to get the two to run away screaming.

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Looks like the little jerk got his Christmas…I mean, Zanti-Clops wish after all.

Dudley and Lyle return to the beach and see the other kids. They’re all in awe of the fact that their junk was returned to them in perfect working order. Dudley is confused, but Lyle knows this is the work of Zanti-Clops. Irwin then gives Dudley a big present he found outside his cave. When Dudley opens it he tearfully pulls out the protractor he always wanted. He proclaims that he believes, and soon the kids see Zanti-Clops flying overhead. They shout out their thanks, but Zanti-Clops screams back that they saw him and now must be devoured. He swoops down in his sleigh and the kids run away in terror. Elsewhere, some monster children are singing in a circle a festive, Zanti-Clops song which is capped off when a massive pile of green poop drops into the center of their circle. The end.

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And more poop.

So this one is a bit gross. I would expect a monster version of Santa to possess some nastiness about him, but I wasn’t expecting him to leave shit behind for other kids. It feels like a very 90s sort of gag, especially in a post Ren & Stimpy world. Where as Ren & Stimpy were able to be both clever and gross, a monster Santa that literally just craps is hardly what I would consider clever. I also found it odd that his poop really looked like Roger’s and it’s hard to believe one wasn’t influenced by the other. There’s not much of a holiday message here, besides advocating for the belief in magical beings, but I get a sense that sentimentality wasn’t something this show desired to achieve.

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How can you not love this guy? Just look at all the fun he’s having!

Some of the stuff in this episode was fairly amusing though. The Stan character is comically dumb and most of his jokes don’t land, but a couple did get a smile out of me. I would have liked to see more of the monsters as the opening scene had promise, but after the concept of Zanti-Clops is introduced we basically leave the monsters behind. The pain-deer legitimately got a laugh out of me, though I was disappointed Zanti-Clops only got to have two of them. Dudley is an easy to dislike character, a know-it-all with a very smug attitude. He’s the kind of character you want to see get punched. He doesn’t really get any comeuppance though, just some momentary fright. He even gets what he wanted in the end. I would have preferred if the final gag in the episode was Dudley holding up his precious protractor only to get nailed by that massive pile of poo.

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He may not be Santa, but Zanti-Clops knows you’re supposed to fly past a moon at least once. He even doubles up on this by flying past the north star as well.

The plot may not have been too clever, and the jokes just okay, but the production values otherwise are actually really good. This one comes from Slap Happy Cartoons Inc. and it’s a really nice looking piece of animation. There is some flatness to the characters, but the color palette is wonderful and I mostly liked the designs of the monsters. Zarg, in particular, had a My Pet Monster vibe to him that I appreciated and Zanti-Clops was nice and ugly. By comparison, the humans were less interesting and mostly fit into old clichés. The only one I did enjoy was Dudley, mostly because they successfully made a child seem punchable, which is impressively awful. The voice cast is also really good and I genuinely enjoyed all of the performances present here.

Once upon a time you could have viewed this on Hulu, but no more. Fret not though as this entire series is free to stream on YouTube in nice quality. I suppose it’s not available for purchase and that’s why it’s so freely available. Or it could be because it has no broadcast contract, in particular in the US, so there’s no one to make a claim against it. If you like monsters and want something a touch gross, this is fine. It’s paired with a winter themed episode that is also quite disgusting so I’m guessing that was the show’s M.O. It’s short enough that it warrants a look even if it’s just curiosity bringing you in.


Dec. 20 – Lilo & Stitch: The Series – Topper: Experiment 025

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“Topper” originally aired December 5, 2003.

Last year, I fell down a bit of a Lilo & Stitch rabbit hole when it came time to do this list. I first researched the animated series known as Lilo & Stitch: The Series and its Christmas special “Topper: Experiment 025.” I ended up reading about the expanded lore the universe established in 2002’s Lilo & Stitch and that was how I found out that there was an anime based on the series. That lead to my post last year about the anime’s Christmas special, in the process basically forgetting about the episode I originally had intended on talking about.

Well, this year I’m here to right that which is wrong. Not that I regret doing that post or anything, but this is the one I intended to run with. Following the success of the movie, Lilo & Stitch became a brand Disney felt it could not ignore. As it had done with film properties before, Disney turned to television. An animated series was commissioned and it arrived quite quickly to airwaves beginning in 2003 as part of the current block of Disney programming. This was essentially the waning days of the once treasured Disney Afternoon and I don’t think that branding was even in use at the time. Considering I was off to college and would not even see the film the show was based on for quite some time, I completely missed out on this show. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but it is a thing.

Like many Disney Afternoon shows that preceded it, Lilo & Stitch got to take a stab at the old Christmas special thing. From what I understand, this show followed a format where a new experiment was unveiled basically every episode. As you may recall from the film, Stitch is experiment number 626 implying that there are 625 additional experiments out there for the show to explore. Interestingly, had the show run long enough to highlight all 625 experiments it still wouldn’t have as many episodes as The Simpsons currently boasts. Anyways, the show ran for two seasons spanning 67 episodes which is a rather solid run. There was a tie-in film as well, simply called Stitch!, and as far as I know the other Lilo & Stitch sequels adopted the show as canon as well. There’s a pretty large chunk of media based on this franchise I’ve never really touched, despite my liking the original film quite a bit, so maybe this will get me interested in all of that. Or, maybe it won’t.

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It’s time for the alien who loves destruction to learn all about the holiday that destroys bank accounts.

This episode is all about Stitch’s first Christmas on Earth. Following the events of the film, the aliens Jumba (David Ogden Stiers) and Pleakley (Kevin McDonald) have moved in with the sisters Nani (Tia Carrere) and Lilo (Daveigh Chase) as well as the main attraction himself, Stitch (Chris Sanders). Captain Gantu (Kevin Michael Richardson) is still out there making life harder for Stitch and he’s got some pals as well: the seemingly always hungry Experiment 625 (Rob Paulsen) and the nefarious rival of Jumba, Dr. Hamsterviel (not present in this episode).

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Present hunting has more rules than you would think.

When the episode begins, Stitch and Lilo are eating breakfast while Lilo gives Stitch the info on Christmas. She instructs him to sneak off with her and as they tiptoe through the house they attract the attention of Nani. Nani instructs Lilo not to go looking for Christmas presents and she agrees to do so, but that’s a lie. She leads Stitch to the attic and tells him it’s Nani’s job as the older sister to buy the presents, and her job as the younger sister to find them. Nani has hidden them in the same spot as last year, in a chest in the attic (how predictable), and Lilo shows them to Stitch. She also informs him she’s hoping for a shrunken head this year as a gift, and adds that she tried to make one herself but her friend wasn’t cooperative. It’s nice to see Lilo still has a bit of darkness to her. Stitch wants to dig right into the presents, but Lilo stops him and says he can never open a Christmas present before Christmas. She may be a little naughty by snooping, but Lilo has a code she lives by.

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Never let an alien decorate your Christmas tree.

Lilo then leads Stitch to the living room to soak in some of that Christmas magic via the tree. There they find Pleakley has decorated the tree with what he thinks are traditional spherical objects. Rather than actual ornaments, the tree is covered in balls and clocks and things like that. Lilo points out that he’s a bit confused, but Pleakley isn’t dissuaded and rather adamant about his holiday knowledge. He then informs them he was about to place the perfect topper on the tree, the three-holed orb, which to us earthlings is known as a bowling ball. When Pleakley places the bowling ball on the tree it collapses. Since this is Hawaii, I’m going to assume they go with artificial trees, but any Hawaiians reading this correct me if I’m wrong.

Lilo is dismayed that the tree is ruined and Nani comes running in to survey the damage. She mentions this is the third one this year and informs Lilo she can’t afford a fourth. Lilo wants her to fix it right now, but she’s got to get to work. Lilo despairs momentarily about not having a tree for Christmas, but she gets over it rather quickly and informs Stitch if he wants to learn more about Christmas they need to go to the most festive place around:  the mall.

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Experiment 625 loves food and Christmas. He’s not your typical villain.

Elsewhere, 625 is enjoying a sandwich while wearing a festive Santa hat when Gantu comes in. Gantu has apparently received a major reduction in size between shows as he’s now just merely large as opposed to colossal. He has another experiment orb labeled 025 and he intends to give it to Hamsterviel. In staying with the spirit of the season, 625 encourages him to gift it to their unseen boss and Gantu surprisingly goes along with the suggestion.

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That’s a surefire way to get on the naughty list.

At the mall, Lilo is showing Stitch around which includes a trip to see Santa. Stitch hops on his lap and whispers into his ear and Santa recoils in horror informing Stitch he is truly naughty. Stitch then snatches his beard and tries to wish everyone a traditional Hawaiian holiday greeting, mele kalikimaka, but butchers the words. Lilo is also angry with him for swiping Santa’s beard and so is Santa.

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If the beard-swiping didn’t do the job, then stealing presents will definitely make sure Stitch is on the naughty list.

Stitch then notices something at the gift wrapping table. A woman is wrapping what is undoubtedly the capsule for experiment 025. Stitch races over to snatch the gift, which only makes Lilo angrier. She scolds him for going after presents that aren’t his, but when Stitch rips it open he just finds a toy inside. He starts grabbing all of the other presents and then bolts leaving Lilo to clean up after him. She explains it’s his first Christmas and he’s a bit excited. She departs and then Gantu shows up dressed as Santa to claim the gift he had wrapped. The woman informs him there was an accident, and when he inquires further he finds out it was a destructive blue dog that caused the problem. He then makes a festive holiday threat towards Stitch about making him a part of Christmas past.

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This Santa leaves behind nothing but screams and tears.

Stitch then goes on a montage. He is so determined to get that experiment capsule that he sports a Santa hat and steals all of the presents on the island. The montage is set to a barely recognizable rock n’ roll version of “Jingle Bells” and is sprinkled with some humorous moments. All the while, Lilo is giving chase and unable to catch up with Stitch who is always one step ahead.

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The Grinch would be quite impressed with Stitch’s holiday thievery.

She eventually winds up back at her home where Stitch has locked himself in the attic. Jumba is angry with Stitch for not sharing any of the presents he’s acquired, but he’s having no luck getting through the attic door. Lilo informs him there’s another way, and as the two disappear off camera Stitch peers out of the hatch to check for them. Jumba’s hands then appear behind him to grab him and the door slams shut leaving us to imagine how the confrontation is going as the camera shakes and a big commotion is overheard. Jumba eventually falls out of the attic, but before he did he somehow got Stitch into a capsule. Lilo scolds him once more, but is then taken aback by how full the attic is with presents.

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Stitch needs some quiet time.

Things are moved back into the living room where Pleakley has taken it upon himself to be the family’s new Christmas tree. He’s basically background noise as Lilo and Jumba try to figure out what is up with Stitch. The capsule he’s been locked in is completely sound proof so they can’t hear his protests as Jumba wonders if maybe his bad programming is returning. They take things to Jumba’s lab where he’s able to use some scanner to read Stitch’s thoughts. They’re mostly food-related and there’s also an image of a toilet bowl and we get a mild pee joke. Jumba then finds the image of Stitch seeing the experiment orb being placed in the gift and Lilo realizes why he was taking all of the presents. Before they can do anything about it though, a loud noise comes from the house and we see the roof has a huge hole blown through it. Gantu’s ship is shown flying away with a comically large sack of gifts on it as he belts out a “Ho ho ho.”

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Something always breaks around the house near the holidays. Never fails.

With the presents stolen, Lilo and Stitch head out after Gantu leaving Pleakley and Jumba to repair the damage to the house. Jumba actually gets the whole roof framed before he and Pleakley decide they need to fix Pleakley’s tree costume by going to the mall. Well, Pleakley makes that declaration and Jumba is mostly just along for the ride. I hope they remembered to put a tarp over the house in case it rains.

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I enjoy a good bit of holiday bondage.

Lilo and Stitch arrive at Gantu’s spaceship lair where 625 is presently trying to enjoy a nice Christmas nap. He comes outside in order to quiet them down and is oblivious to their presence. There’s some slapstick involved as Stitch gets squished by the ship’s ramp. Eventually, they gain access and 625 doesn’t even put up a fight. Stitch wraps him up in Christmas lights while Lilo looks for the gift, but it’s gone. 625 then informs them that Gantu took the sack of presents back to the mall.

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I have to give these guys credit, they really get into the holiday spirit with their clothing.

For the second time this episode, our setting shifts to the mall where Pleakley and Jumba roam in elf costumes that do little to hide their alien heritage. They soon see Gantu once again dressed as Santa. It seems Gantu doesn’t know which gift is the one he had wrapped and he needs the help of the gift wrapper in figuring it out. She finds it immediately and hands it back to him. Jumba and Pleakley call 625’s spaceship and inform Lilo what’s happened, adding they initially mistook him for Santa, but it’s really Gantu!

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This is the kind of chaos one expects out of Stitch.

Lilo and Stitch arrive at the mall and find Pleakley and Jumba in a stand-off with Gantu. They’re not very good at this though and Gantu simply spins and fires at the pair. Since this is a Disney television show, his weapon is nonlethal and just contains a big net. Stitch goes after him stealing the gift, which he tosses to Lilo, before the two tangle. Nani is also there as she was looking to buy Lilo her shrunken head when she sees Gantu and Stitch go flying past her in Santa’s sleigh. They crash, and Lilo tosses a duffel bag with the experiment orb gift inside it to Stitch and tells him to go. Stitch races up a giant Christmas tree and Gantu gives chase by climbing it. He’s bombarded with ornaments, but eventually he reaches Stitch and the two end up falling from the tree.

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That certainly looks like a bad place to be.

Gantu dusts himself off, and with Stitch no where to be seen, he retrieves his gift and prepares to step on Lilo. He pauses in mid stomp when she accuses him of ruining Christmas. He seems actually hurt by this, and Lilo ends up discovering this all happened because Gantu was trying to give someone a Christmas gift. Lilo then feels bad as she realizes Christmas is about giving presents, not receiving them as Stitch returns to her side just in time for a hug.

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It takes eyes like that to get a Christmas present out of a gigantic alien.

A little girl takes notice of Gantu and his Santa costume and asks if he has a present for her. He says no, but her eyes well up with tears which gets to Gantu. He then hands over the gift intended for Hamsterviel and the girl opens it to find the experiment orb inside. Jumba takes it from her remarking that he remembers this one. Experiment 025 was intended to be a beacon for an alien armada and he seems to suggest it’s hardly destructive. Lilo takes the orb and places it in a fountain, as apparently water is needed to bring the experiment out. And from it emerges a little being that resembles a star. Lilo dubs him Topper (she’s really forced the other little girl out of the picture) and says she knows a great spot for him.

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Stitch caused all of that trouble to keep the world free from this adorable little guy.

Topper then takes his place atop Pleakley, who has a much improved Christmas tree costume. He glows brightly pleasing everyone around them. Gantu has also found a higher purpose as kids have lined up beside him thinking he’s Santa. As each one approaches he gives them one of the gifts Stitch had taken earlier. Lilo informs us that Ohana is the best gift of all, and Stitch tries to wish everyone mele kalikimaka, but he messes it up again. We then see in space that Topper’s beacon effect is working well as a bunch of spaceships hover in Earth’s orbit.  One voice wonders what the beacon is for, while another informs him it doesn’t matter because they have fruit cake down there.

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I wonder if this little guy just gets shoved in the attic with the other decorations when the holiday is over.

And that ends this one. In trying to teach Stitch about Christmas, Lilo comes to understand the holiday better herself. It’s about the giving, folks. All the while, the aliens around her also learn about the holiday and even the villainous Gantu finds it infectious, though he wants to play it off as if it’s annoyingly infectious. It’s rather fast paced and even though it features a plot contrivance I usually find anxiety inducing, I wasn’t particularly bothered by the dynamic of Stitch acting in good faith and the others not understanding him. Though, I also found that whole ordeal confusing since Stitch revealed he could talk just fine in the movie. I guess it’s just more convenient and more entertaining to basically return him to an almost mute character who just makes funny noises. Likewise, someone must have decided that Gantu needed to be smaller in order to work in this show as he’s no where near as big as he was in the film.

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We need that group shot to go out on.

I did not expect this show to resemble the visuals from the film other than in basic character designs. And it does not. Though I still expected it to look better than this. This show is very flat and the character models really lack texture. There’s an early scene of Jumba wearing a big purple coat that has almost no shading of any kind on it and it’s really ugly looking. The backgrounds are drab too and lack the lushness of the feature. Again, I wasn’t expecting feature quality animation, but this is below the standards of other Disney Afternoon shows.

What surprised me though, in a good way, was that Disney was able to return the excellent voice cast of the film basically in its entirety. Maybe there are some secondary characters who have new voices that aren’t in this episode, but all of the characters here have their respective voice intact. It’s a rarity to pull off such a feat, but it helps that Disney didn’t go with a big time celebrity cast for the film to begin with. Tia Carrere was probably the biggest “name” from that film, but she had basically transitioned to television anyways at this stage in her career. Rob Paulsen was also added and he provides several voices in this one which only adds to the show’s quality in the sound department.

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These two are responsible for much of the episode’s humor and they are a pretty fun pairing.

This episode could have taken things in a more melancholy direction given that Lilo and Nani both lost their parents some time ago. This could have been framed as their first Christmas without them, but the show decided to keep things light and funny. Pleakley was the most entertaining part of the show for me. He’s become an archetype Disney fans should be familiar with as it’s similar to what Scuttle from The Little Mermaid represents or Owl from Winnie the Pooh. He’s a know-it-all that really knows nothing, and his misunderstanding of the holidays are fodder for a few jokes (like a good visual gag early on with eggnog). There’s nothing particularly ambitious about the Christmas lesson to be taught here, and Lilo figuring it out isn’t quite convincing, but at least there’s some groundwork laid by pointing out that she does posses a code of sorts in her approach to gifts. It would have been a harder sell if she was a ravenous present monster like Stitch. I suppose this one is fine, and if you just want more of these very likable characters because you enjoyed the film then there’s something here to enjoy.

If you want to watch this episode of Lilo & Stitch: The Series then I have good news as it just got a lot easier. With the launch of Disney+ in November this episode, as well as the entire series, became easy to stream though it will cost you seven bucks a month to do so. This one wasn’t put out on DVD, so streaming is your only option. I wouldn’t sign up for Disney+ just to watch this show, but I am a subscriber for many other reasons so obviously I think it’s worth it. Since my kids enjoy the film, I’ll likely watch this with them too this year since we can as I’ll be on the hunt for every Christmas special on that network.


Dec. 18 – Little Dracula – “The Bite Before Christmas”

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Original air date September 6, 1991, the rare Labor Day Christmas special!

There was a huge demand for cartoons in the early 90s. Cable was expanding and needed content for all ages while a new broadcast network was also making noise. That network was Fox, and after scoring primetime hits with Married…with Children and The Simpsons, the network started to look at other areas where it could compete. It would end up placing a premium on original sports content and also children’s programming. Before long, Fox Kids was the premiere destination for cartoons and other kid’s shows forcing the more venerable networks like CBS and ABC to play catch-up. Out of this success came a lot of cartoons people remember fondly, but Fox’s “try anything” philosophy also meant a lot of shows came and went.

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Little Dracula produced a total of 13 episodes, but only 6 aired in 1991 with the rest seeing broadcast in 1999.

One such show is Little Dracula. The Walker Hahns Productions show ran for a mere six episodes in the fall of 1991. Based on a book series of the same name by Martin Waddell, the tagline present on IMDB refers to the titular character as a green-skinned, child, vampire who aspires to be like his father, Big Dracula, yet also enjoys rock ‘n roll and surfing. Sure sounds like a winner! Fox aired just five episodes on its network basically over one week in September and then brought it back for a Halloween special the next month. Despite that, a full 13 episode season was produced and the remaining seven episodes went unaired until 1999 when the show was brought back on Fox Family, likely to fill some time during the Halloween season. The show was released across several PAL VHS tapes (as the books originated in the UK), sometimes paired with other cartoons, and was generously merchandized as well with action figures and various toys. It’s the toy commercial I remember most, which isn’t surprising considering how quickly the show came and went. I know I saw at least a little of this show as a kid and was likely perplexed when it went away, but I moved on and never really thought about the show again. That is, until now!

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This one is going to be a bit different from your normal Christmas special.

Airing in that first group of episodes on Fox Kids was a Christmas episode, “The Bite Before Christmas.” It’s a bit perplexing that Fox elected to air a Christmas episode in September, but my guess is maybe it was going to be held until December but someone at the network just did not like this show and wanted to just get it over and done with. The show was essentially replaced by Beetlejuice, so it’s not as if the network was against horror themed cartoons, but maybe they just didn’t see the appeal of this particular cast of characters. The show may have been short-lived, but it appears the producers at least sprung for a decent cast of actors. They brought in Joe Flaherty from SCTV to handle the role of Big Dracula and gave the roles of Granny and Igor to veteran comedian Jonathan Winters. It’s an amusing little quirk for the show to possess, but obviously it wasn’t enough to impress anyone into ordering more episodes.

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Little Dracula can apparently tolerate sunlight, which I assume has something to do with that ridiculous hat.

How does a family of vampires celebrate Christmas? Well, we’re about to find out. This episode begins with Little Dracula (Edan Gross), his friend Werebunny (Joey Camen), Igor (Jonathan Winters), and Deadwood (Melvyn Hayes) out chopping down a Christmas tree. Little Dracula, sometimes called LD, is wearing a weird looking hat and Werebunny looks more like a bat than a bunny. I don’t know what Igor’s relationship is to everyone, or if he’s even a vampire. He looks like a less gross version of the Walter Cobb character who will show up on The Ren & Stimpy Show eventually. I think he’s the castle’s handyman and inventor. I remember his action figure featured an action in which his brain popped out, so maybe he’s some kind of undead thing. Deadwood is a purple skinned guy in torn shorts and the way he takes orders makes me assume he’s a vampire’s thrall, but during the opening credits it’s shown that Igor may have brought him to life in a Frankenstein’s Monster way.

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Igor and Deadwood are probably my favorite characters. Deadwood likes to make little offhand comments which Igor seems to frown upon, likely because he views him as something akin to a slave or dog, at best.

Igor makes a remark how he loves it when they fight it, in reference to the tree being difficult to chop down, which is rather creepy. He’s going to hitch the tree to a sleigh and makes Deadwood, dressed up as Rudolph, haul it back to the castle. Before doing so, Deadwood makes a remark to the camera so he’s apparently our character capable of breaking the fourth wall. As the sleigh heads back to the castle high up on a hill, Little Dracula informs Werebunny what Christmas is to them. Basically, Big Dracula has been trying to capture Santa for 10,000 years so their custom is to lay traps. Werebunny is horrified by this, but Little Dracula sees no reason to reevaluate his position on Christmas.

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Garlic Man is a wonderfully terrible villain.

As they make their way into the castle, a snowbank rumbles and inside is one of the villains of the show. Maggot (Neil Ross), who looks like a wart-covered goblin, is spying for his boss Garlic Man (Brian Cummings) to see what’s going down at Christmas. Garlic Man resembles a man in a radiation suit, only his head is a bulb of garlic with sunglasses and some kind of mouth apparatus that makes his breathing sound a little like Darth Vader’s. He’s rather absurd looking, but it’s also a bit funny so I like it. At his side is another henchman by the name of No Eyes (Danny Mann). He’s just a big, ugly, dude with no eyes and a cybernetic hand. Garlic Man wants to spring a trap on the Dracula family and I guess destroy them? I don’t know if he possesses a higher purpose. It’s interesting to see the family of monsters who feed on humans as the good guys, which is probably why the villains are so ugly and obviously bad so viewers aren’t confused.

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Mrs. Dracula’s television special is the B plot of this one. The payoff isn’t particularly good so don’t get your hopes off.

Inside the home, Big Dracula (Joe Flaherty) awakens. It’s nighttime, and as he rises from his crypt he hears his wife talking to someone. Mrs. Dracula (Kath Soucie) is speaking into a television camera as she’s apparently hosting a Dracula Christmas program. There’s also a narrator, though he is only heard and not seen which confuses Big Dracula. Mrs. Dracula makes some comment about filling time now that a shopping network is gone and I don’t know if that’s just a one-off remark or if that refers to a previous episode. She hands her hubby a sweater to give him that “Arsenio Hall casual look” which helps to date this one. Dracula rightly points out he’s not a casual guy, but he’ll relent and put it on.

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Even the undead appreciate a nice tree.

The others return and it’s basically time to decorate the house. Their Christmas décor is surprisingly traditional, and we get a look at some other secondary characters. There’s Granny (Winters), a toothless old vampire who apparently wants to smooch Santa. She remarks she hasn’t been kissed in quite a while which is essentially kid’s show speak for saying it’s been awhile since she got laid. We also see the family has a little pet that’s just essentially Thing from The Addams Family. Igor is the one who is going to be responsible for putting together a trap, while Little Dracula and Werebunny are expected to clean up.

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I’m sure this will work.

On the roof, Garlic Man is on the scene dressed as Santa. No Eyes is wearing a reindeer or moose head over his and the eyes are marked with an “X” which is clever. Maggot is there as well dressed as an elf, and they’re a bit confused why Garlic Man wants to pose as Santa when the Draculas intend to capture him. He brushes their concerns aside while pointing out that Dracula is “0 for 10,000” in regards to capturing Santa and jumps down the chimney. In the room below, Little Dracula uses his magic wand to make the base of the fireplace disappear leaving a hole that goes into the basement or somewhere. He does this to sweep a bunch of dirt into it, but it also causes Garlic Man to extend his fall. As Maggot and No Eyes listen above, Maggot comments on how fast Garlic Man must be going while No Eyes sees this as an opportunity to get drunk with their boss gone. He removes his mechanical hand and affixes a tap handle to it instead which dispenses black eggnog. The liquid is coming from somewhere in his body, which doesn’t seem to concern Maggot.

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Horn-ball Granny has some ookies to tame first if she wants to get her man tonight.

Big Dracula and the kids have crafted a massive cage to trap Santa. Little Dracula baits it with hot cocoa while Granny brings in the cookies. Only there was come confusion and she made Christmas “ookies” instead. They’re basically little monsters with adorable stocking hats. Granny tries to subdue them with her hypnotic powers, but she’s apparently well past her vampire prime as the little devils resist until her eyes literally pop out of her head. Those bounce everywhere and the family is forced to track them and the ookies down. Igor also enters to announce he’s finished his part of the trap, and stumbles into the chaos. He adds he built a loveseat for Granny and Santa to enjoy inside it as well, so apparently everyone is in on this whole “get Granny laid” subplot.

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I think Igor just put a sign on the washing machine and called it a Santa trap.

When things are settled down the family gets to celebrating Hawaiin style, apparently for Mrs. Dracula’s show. They’re having a grand old time until their Santa trap is sprung! Excitedly, they go to see what’s inside and Granny dives in first to get her kiss. We hear her smooching up a storm, but when she pulls away a beard and mask are stuck to her kisser. The mask belongs to Garlic Man, who then emerges angrily and retrieves his mask and proceeds to blowing garlic on Big Dracula. Maggot and No Eyes emerge as well and they’re able to round up the family, except for Little Dracula and Werebunny. They run for it, but LD promises they will return, as he uses his wand to create another hole to escape through. I guess that’s all the wand can do? They wind up in LD’s fancy flying car, which I know was released as a toy, and take off. High in the sky, LD radios to some spirit guide network to inform them what happened and request help. He’s pointed to a truck stop, because truckers are apparently tough and nothing else is open on Christmas Eve.

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Your stereotypical tough guys.

Little Dracula and Werebunny enter the truckstop and find a whole bunch of tough looking folks. As the camera pans, we see a Rambo look-alike arm-wrestling with a tough looking dude. There’s a table of ninjas swinging swords and an angry looking muscled woman drinking alone. Even Popeye appears to be enjoying a cold one at the bar. Little Dracula announces to the bar that they require assistance. In the background, we can see the bar TV tuned to the Dracula Christmas Special, which Garlic Man has taken over. A lone voice answers Little Dracula’s call. He sounds like John Wayne, but all we see are his boots.

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You’re in trouble now, Garlic Man, because here comes the big man!

At the Dracula residence, Garlic Man is finally ready to apparently kill Big Dracula. Little Dracula makes his triumphant return though, and he’s brought some backup. The backup he brought is none other than the big man himself, Santa Claus! He jumps from his sleigh to confront Garlic Man who cowers in fear because Santa represents goodness. He wails that he’s melting, but maybe something was lost in translation as he doesn’t melt at all, but rather shrinks until he’s just an ordinary bulb of garlic. Maggot then approaches Santa to ask if he brought him the bicycle he asked for, and Santa produces. He brushes aside Maggot’s badness and essentially puts it all on Garlic Man. Meanwhile, No Eyes has picked up their boss and jumps on Maggot’s handlebars and tells him to get going before anyone notices.

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It just wouldn’t be Christmas if Dracula and Santa didn’t end the night as friends.

With the bad guys departed, attention turns to Big Dracula and Santa. Dracula thanks Santa for his help and expresses a willingness to put their rivalry to bed. Before they can shake hands though, Mrs. Dracula’s show gets his attention once again as the narrator is signing off. He demands to know where the voice is coming from, as this has been a running gag all episode, and Little Dracula picks up a microphone and opens it up to reveal a tiny person with a huge mouth inside, a rather tepid payoff though I don’t really know where they could have gone with this. Granny then goes after what she wants, and gets it. As she smooches Santa her head pops off when he recoils. The camera quickly pans to a group shot of the rest of the family who wave and do the customary wishing of a happy holiday as the episode ends.

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The special ends with perhaps the least festive “Merry Christmas” I can recall seeing.

Well that was certainly something. Horror themed Christmas specials are pretty interesting and a welcomed change of pace, even if the horror elements are rather minimal. The best gag was probably Deadwood reaching into a stocking and pulling out a severed foot. The books apparently had lots of gross gags like this that the cartoon really couldn’t get away with. This show visually is all right, no better or worse than what was common in the era. Igor had some fun lines here and there, and it was bizarre watching the characters try to corral Granny’s eyes, but little else stood out as memorable. The lead character, Little Dracula, is possibly the worst part of the show as he doesn’t contribute much. The cliché vampire accent he speaks with makes it tough to understand what he’s saying, not that he’s ever saying anything worth hearing. He makes too many puns involving the word “Drac” (his favorite being Drac Attack) to the point where it feels like each episode had a quota on them or something that they needed to hit.

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Garlic Man turned out to have a rather major weakness.

I mostly liked the villains, even if their motivations are a bit perplexing. Garlic Man’s plan worked, but he just kind of sits on his hands and waits for Little Dracula to save the day. Maggot and No Eyes are actually refreshing as they were not depicted as comically inept henchmen. Instead they’re more like abused help and it shows when Garlic Man takes his fall and they see it as an opportunity to essentially drink on the job rather than go to their boss’s aid. Santa had a fairly conventional design with the only notable element being he goes sleeveless in this universe. The John Wayne voice was an interesting choice. I don’t know that it works, but at least it’s different. The ultimate resolution of the episode was quite weak though as Santa literally just had to stand in Garlic Man’s presence to defeat him. The show may not have had the budget for a true action scene, but man, is that weak.

As for Christmas cheer, there’s not a whole lot here. Sure, Santa saves the day, but he doesn’t impart any message or anything. We don’t even get the full Santa experience as the show apparently lacked the budget for reindeer. They appear briefly and don’t appear to be even animated. It did avoid the Santa in front of the moon sequence though, which is notable in and of itself. There is some festive décor going on in this episode, but that’s rather minimal as well. Most of the Christmas stuff is basically contained to the opening moments where the characters chop down a tree and a group of zombies moan carols briefly.

Still, horror tinged Christmas shows are hard to come by and if that’s something you like then this might be worth a look. Little Dracula is not a highly regarded cartoon or one that is well-remembered, despite it seemingly being average as opposed to poor. As a result, it’s not streaming on any of the major platforms nor is it available on DVD. Since it’s essentially a dead IP, you can find this and other episodes on YouTube for free. Your only other option would be to track down a PAL VHS cassette and I don’t even know if this episode was released on any of them. You probably wouldn’t want to do that anyways so YouTube is your best option.


Dec. 17 – Family Guy – “Don’t Be a Dickens at Christmas”

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Christmas comes to Quahog.

So it’s come to this. We’re doing Family Guy. I don’t mean to come across as a snob or some animation elitist (after all, we already did Robot Chicken), but I don’t care for most of Family Guy. That wasn’t always the case. When the show originally aired on Fox I actually liked it quite a bit. And when it came to Cartoon Network I watched it almost every night. The absurdist humor, often relying on shock or surprise, was refreshing for a moment. It came at a good time as The Simpsons was coming off of its high and network animation was kind of flailing. The show was rather ugly and that first season was a bit rough, but I have mostly positive memories of seasons two and three and I have the DVD sets somewhere in my house.

Then, of course, the show made a surprising comeback. DVD sales and Cartoon Network ratings gave Fox enough confidence to order a new season. That new season premiered in 2005, and 14 years later Family Guy appears to be going strong. What changed for me over the years? Well, shock and random humor gets old. The show fell into the trap where it needed to top itself. Have Peter unexpectedly fight a chicken for five minutes? Well, then you to need bring him back and have the fight last for eight minutes! The characters gradually got meaner and less likable. Everyone dumps on Meg to the point where it’s not funny and it feels like there is no joke that is too low. The cut-away gags have become parody at this point as the show apparently decided to double-down when South Park called them out on how lazy those jokes were way back when.

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Like probably a lot of folks, there was a time when Family Guy really appealed to me, but those days are long gone.

It’s not all terrible though. The Stewie and Brian pairing still seems to work and often brings out the best of the show. I’ll give those a watch anytime I notice them. I also still really enjoy the show’s inaugural Christmas episode, “A Very Special Family Guy Freakin’ Christmas” and the double-length “Road to the North Pole” has its moments as well. That gives me some reason for optimism as we tackle today’s episode, “Don’t Be a Dickens at Christmas.” This episode is pretty modern having premiered as part of Season 16 on December 10, 2017. There’s still a chance this could go very wrong, and the title implies yet another parody of A Christmas Carol. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that one of television’s least imaginative comedy series would turn to Dickens for a Christmas special, and I’m not. The only surprise is that they held off until Season 16 to do it.

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The Pawtucket Brewery all covered in smog and snow for Christmas.

The episode opens with the standard credits, so this one isn’t scoring any bonus points for a festive intro. We’re immediately taken to the Pawtucket Brewery where Peter (Seth MacFarlane) works. Angela (Carrie Fisher, in her final appearance on the show) is trying to inform the workers that they’re getting out early on account of Christmas, but Peter keeps interrupting her by playing Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out” on an old boom box. This happens three times before Angela just gives up on her speech and tells everyone to go home. As Peter races out, his coworkers turn into the cast of Dazed and Confused. The Matthew McConaughey character is present. When Peter inquires what he’s doing for Christmas, it leads him into a parody of McConaughey’s Lincoln car commercials (remember those?) immediately dating this episode. In the parody, he’s driving around aimlessly with two teens tied up in his backseat (he’s embarking on a “slay” ride). The joke ends with a voiceover saying “Lincoln – What are we doing?” which is a typical way too on the nose joke that this show is frequently guilty of.

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The family is rolling with nontraditional clothes, always a plus.

The setting shifts to the home of the Griffins and everyone is decorating while they await the return of their patriarch. Lois (Alex Borstein) is hanging stockings and points out they always hang a stocking for son Chris’s stillborn twin who was to be named Tmas (thud). Brian (MacFarlane) takes this opportunity to inform the family what he got them all for Christmas – volunteering at a homeless shelter. Chris (Seth Green) and Meg (Mila Kunis) immediately protest while Stewie (MacFarlane) is surprisingly chill with it. Lois resumes her old identity of thoughtful parent and says it’s a lovely gift and will be good for the kids, then punctuates it with a tasteless remark about watching the homeless shit through their pants. Meg fills stockings with Kanye Canes, and it’s another joke that goes on way too long and was never funny. The voiceover from the Lincoln commercial returns to announce the “Family Guy Christmas Special” and again asks “What are we thinking?” I’m thinking you’re having trouble filling out 22 minutes.

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Peter never fails to disappoint his unloved ones.

The family then moves to the lawn when Chris spots Peter’s car speeding towards home. They’re surprisingly giddy about him coming home, but he just speeds by spraying mud on them. Lois lets us know he’s heading for the bar, while Stewie points out he actually had to go out of his way to do this.

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This Norm MacDonald bit is probably the best sequence of the episode.

At the bar, Peter is enjoying some cold ones with his pals Quagmire (MacFarlane), Cleveland (Mike Henry), and Joe (Patrick Warburton) and watching Norm MacDonald (himself) read ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas on television. MacDonald gets hung up on the word ‘Twas and keeps getting sidetracked as he tries to read the story. This is actually solid writing for MacDonald which makes me wonder if he did it himself or if the writers just know Norm well enough to do him right. The bit ends with Norm getting fired and goes into a joke about what Cleveland is doing for Christmas (it’s bad, and will pop up again). Peter then announces he wants to get home before the over-enthusiastic carolers arrive. He’s too late as the carolers enter and quickly overrun the bar, converting Quagmire in the process. They’re depicted almost like a singing horde of zombies. It’s not very funny, but at least it’s not offensive, and that’s basically the bar we’ve established here.

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A gag that’s pretty similar to one from the first Christmas special in which Lois keeps asking Peter to do stuff he doesn’t want to do.

At the Griffin home, we’re “treated” to a long fake commercial for those laser lights people project on their homes at Christmas. This feels like low-hanging fruit. The commercial doesn’t really make fun of the product and instead turns into a joke about blind people. Peter then arrives home and is eager to watch some Patrick Swayze movie, but before his ass hits the couch Lois informs him he has some chores to get done. He literally freezes in place in mid-sitting motion as she reads of a list that begins rather mundanely, and then ventures into absurd territories finishing with her requesting he move the house a few inches. Peter groans and asks if he can do some of it tomorrow, but Lois tells him he can’t because they’re volunteering at the homeless shelter. Peter is angry when he finds out he’s expected to go leading to a fight between the two and Chris fearful that the divorce is finally coming. Lois tells Peter she’s sick of his selfishness and then takes the kids to Newport to spend Christmas with her parents leaving Peter home alone with his Swayze movie. He then does a cut-away about taking a too full bath which doesn’t even come close to landing.

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That’s no Marley.

After a rather lovely exterior shot of the Griffen house in the snow, we find Peter inebriated on his couch watching a Patrick Swayze Christmas movie of some kind. He confesses his love for Swayze, then passes out. As he does, a burst of light fills the room and moves beside the Christmas tree. An ethereal voice beckons him to wake up. Peter opens his eyes and questions if the voice belongs to Santa, only to find out it belongs to Patrick Swayze (Don Swayze, Patrick’s real life brother, provides his voice). Peter is confused as this is 2017 and Swayze is long dead prompting Swayze to ask him if he ever saw Ghost? Swayze tells him he’s here to restore Peter’s Christmas spirit. Peter then goes into his Roadhouse gag from many episodes ago, and Swayze joins him.

After the break, Peter is shown gushing over the ghost of Patrick Swayze and even remarks he wants to run through his hair. Swayze indulges him and Peter is shown prancing like a deer through a brown meadow. He comes out of it to find himself at his home in the year 1970-80-90 when President Richard-Reagan-Clinton was in office. This is actually a clever joke at how these long-running animated series in which the characters are frozen in time have to keep reevaluating when they were born.

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“Look how thin I was!”

Inside the home, Peter and Patrick watch as a young Peter wakes up on Christmas morning. He plays with his new toys, and his mom brings him a plate of cookies for breakfast. Peter remarks how he really had the Christmas spirit back then and wonders how he lost it. He then directs our attention to his friend Holden who enters the room. Peter makes a comments that this is when he could talk, then ponders what happened. We then see him later in life at an airport trying to get to a bathroom. A little girl keeps shouting “Hold it in” and he eventually collapses  on Peter’s floor repeating the phrase until it becomes “Holden.” Peter tells Swayze this is a Game of Thrones joke and says he’d think it’s funny if he hadn’t died before the show premiered.

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Carter’s house is looking pretty nice. Why wouldn’t Peter want to spend Christmas here?

Patrick then takes Peter to the present, as he is playing the role of all of the ghosts apparently. First stop is weather man Ollie Willaims’ (Phil LaMarr) home who just yells at his kid. Next up is the home of Opie (Mark Hentemen), Peter’s co-worker with a severe speech impediment and possible brain injury that results in him mostly being unintelligible. He’s dressed up as Santa and gives his kids presents, then leaves and reappears with his kids apparently completely unaware it was him despite how preposterous that is. He then moves to the window and watches an old man reunite with his family as the theme from Home Alone plays. He then starts to sing it and subtitles appear that just say “Home Alone Theme – We think,” – isn’t making fun of brain damage fun? They then go to Cleveland’s house where Cleveland and his family revisit the joke from earlier of them listening to an R&B record in which it takes the African American singer a ridiculously long amount of time to get through a single syllable. It’s still not funny. Peter remarks that at least they’re together as a family, and Swayze informs him he knows one family that is not.

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Lois probably slept with the butler this night.

We’re taken to Newport, where the rest of Peter’s family is enjoying a meal from Boston Market. Lois’s Dad, Carter (MacFarlane), then mocks the family for doubting the quality of Boston Market, which I guess is a complement to the venerable chain? He then tells them they need to call his grandmother, Nana Pewderschmidt. He puts her on speaker phone and she’s speaking in German. I bet you know where this is going. Carter ends the call once she predictably starts complaining about Jews and then declares it’s time for figgy pudding. As they sit down for dessert, Meg questions her brother if they should call Dirt. Chris thinks she means Dad, but she corrects him that she means Dirt who she describes as some fat guy that sleeps with Lois. Lois is shown having an awkward exchange with a butler, and Peter informs Swayze that she’s using her flirty laugh. He tells Swayze it’s a subtle laugh, and you need to really know her to notice it. We then cut back to Lois who is now grabbing the butler by the face and demanding to see his penis. Cut back to Peter who is still trying to explain the subtlety of the situation. Before he can get more upset he shouts “Oh no, they got Joe!” and the carolers from earlier burst in and now they have both Joe and Quagmire in their ranks.

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I think we all expected this, or something like it, at some point.

Peter is then returned to his home, alone. He declares that Swayze hasn’t scared him, and he soon finds himself transported into the movie Ghost. It’s the infamous pottery wheel scene, only Peter isn’t playing Demi Moore’s part, but is actually the pottery. Swayze is there and tells him he’s now the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come as he handles Peter’s malleable anatomy. And then we’re off to the future to find Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland seated at the bar mourning the loss of their friend. Quagmire informs us that Lois had to sell everything to afford the funeral, and he unhappily displays the underwear he bought off of her. Peter is oblivious to who they’re mourning and for some reason assumes it’s a guy named Benjamin.

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Meet Lance. They don’t really do anything with him so there isn’t really a joke here. Lois just found someone a lot more attractive than Peter once he was out of the way.

Patrick then takes Peter to former Griffin household to drive the point home. Lois calls up to her husband to come downstairs pointing out how he’s out of frame. This allows Peter to get excited thinking he may have finally lost weight, but when a guy named Lance comes down instead he declares he must have finally worked up the courage to leave Lois. We now get to see the kids and the first to come downstairs is Chris who declares he’s going to Colombia. He doesn’t mean the school and means the country where he’ll be smuggling drugs in his rectum. Meg then comes downstairs and declares she’s going to Yale and Peter surprisingly gets ahead of the joke and knows she got a job with a lock maker. A very plump Stewie emerges to say he’s going to brown…some sausages for breakfast. Peter is happy his kids got Ivy League puns, but he wants to know where Brian is.

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Peter as a ghost dog fart. You read that correctly.

Swayze then takes Peter to a cemetery where a very old Brian is sleeping beside a tombstone. Peter still doesn’t get it and Patrick has to point out it’s his grave. The born date on the tombstone references the previous 1970-80-90 joke from earlier. He died five years before this moment when his Milf on a Shelf accidentally set his Christmas tree on fire with her cigarette. A ghost Peter then appears and we find out that this ghost is actually a dog fart. You see, people who lose their Christmas spirit and then die become dog farts for all eternity. He then disappears, but Swayze assures him he’ll reappear soon since Brian is a dog of 13. And sure enough, the ghost of Peter does return and warns Peter about his fate. More ghosts appear and they all have something gross to tell him about Brian’s rectum. They surround Peter and spin around causing him to collapse to the ground crying out he doesn’t want this to be.

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Peter using Instagram porn stars as a way of telling what day it is definitely works. He’s the type of guy that probably sends lots of awkward messages to such girls on a daily basis.

Peter then finds himself back at home on Christmas morning. He checks his phone to find that all of the porn girls he follows on Instagram are wearing Santa hats in their pictures which is how he knows it’s Christmas. He names a few of them and refers to them as thirst traps.

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There’s a pair of additional surprises under the tree this year.

We then return to Newport where everyone is opening presents. Meg declares everything is perfect, while Lois seems a bit blue. Chris informs us that every time Carter bends over they can see his genitals which horrifies Stewie. Peter then bursts in looking a bit disheveled carrying a sack full of hastily bought presents. Meg reacts by calling him Dirt, so that clears up some confusion from earlier. He distributes a bunch of awful gifts which his family actually enjoy. Meg is shocked to be given a gift of any kind from her father, who apparently has never bought her anything. Peter and Lois embrace, and then the ghost of Patrick Swayze appears. Peter asks him if there’s anything he can do for him, and Swayze says “Well, there’s one thing in Heaven that Chris Farley won’t do for me,” which leads into Peter and Swayze reenacting the Saturday Night Live bit where he and Farley danced to “Everybody’s Working for the Weekend” as part of the infamous Chippendales sketch.

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This pretty much had to happen.

As the two gyrate and Peter loses his clothes, we see the rest of the family can’t see Patrick or hear the music. Lois instructs them all to just keep opening presents as Peter will eventually tire himself out. Carter then resumes handing out the gifts and everyone grimaces when he bends over. The licensed track returns as we move to an exterior shot of the Pewderschmidt compound. In an effort to fill time, a subtitle appears confessing the writers unironically enjoy the song. They then confirm this is being done to fill time as the episode ends with a festive rendition of “Jingle Bells” over the credits.

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The family’s reaction to Peter’s nearly nude dancing seems a bit overdone. This type of behavior from Peter should be expected.

I had the lowest expectations going into this one. Not only is it an episode of Family Guy, but it’s also a parody of A Christmas Carol. That should mean disaster, but it’s mostly fine. The vast majority of the jokes don’t land. This is a show that believes in quantity over quality as it’s just joke after joke after joke. And there’s no subtlety to any of it. Some of the jokes made me groan, but there were at least a few clever ones. I don’t think anything made me laugh out loud, but there were at least a few that made me smile. The show loves returning to jokes from earlier in the episode and even from previous episodes. This approach can be rewarding, but when the joke wasn’t very funny to begin with it doesn’t really work.

One thing I did enjoy was the use of Patrick Swayze. I was a bit alarmed when he showed up initially as I expected some really tasteless dead celebrity jokes to follow, but they really didn’t go for any of that. Since he was voiced by Swayze’s brother, it’s reasonable to assume that nothing in this episode would have offended the actor. It felt more like a love letter to Swayze as the character of Peter has shown an affection for him in the past. The ending scene of the duo reenacting the Chippendale’s sketch from SNL was actually more sweet than funny, which I enjoyed. It was a rather nice way to end the episode.

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This is a rather fun shot for the episode to go out on.

Family Guy has never been a show that’s all that enjoyable to actually look at, but I do like the seasonal settings in this one. The show has an honesty in how it portrays snow, which is more gray than white as it quickly gets dirtied by the environment. The homes of both the Griffins and Pewderschmidts are tastefully lit and the interior shots are warm and festive.

“Don’t Be a Dickens at Christmas” was merely all right. If I were to find myself in front of the TV watching a lineup of Christmas episodes on Adult Swim I’d probably watch this one. If I were actually seeking out a Christmas episode of Family Guy then I’d still definitely turn to the one from Season 3. My expectations for this show are so low at this point that when an episode doesn’t leave me disgusted it feels like a victory. I suppose that’s not a glowing recommendation, but you could do worse.

If you wish to catch this one on television this year, just keep your eyes open. Family Guy airs all of the time on cable and one of the many networks that airs the show will likely show this one multiple times this month. Of course, we’re getting late in the game here so if you missed it, well there’s always Hulu or various streaming services where you can either rent or buy the episode. I wouldn’t pay money for it, but I’m also not you. I suppose if you’re a fan of Family Guy then you probably like this episode just fine and you’re also probably irritated with me at this point. And that too, is fine.


Dec. 16 – George of the Jungle – “Jungle Bells”

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Original air date November 7, 2007.

For a show that only lasted 17 episodes, George of the Jungle has had a surprisingly enduring legacy about it. The show was basically conceived as a Tarzan parody and was the spiritual successor to The Rocky and Bullwinkle show given that it was produced by Jay Ward and Bill Scott. The show premiered in 1967 and was arranged like The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show in that a George cartoon was paired up with others, in this case Tom Slick and Super Chicken. The most memorable aspects of the show were likely the theme song and the fact that George was inept when it came to vine-swinging, thus why that catchy theme includes the line, “Watch out for that tree!”

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The original George from 1967 was quite the hunk.

The show made enough of a cultural impact that it continued to be aired in syndicated packages into the 1990s when cable was exploding and the need to fill programming hours helped bring shows like George of the Jungle back from the dead. I remember seeing it mostly on week day mornings on Cartoon Network, usually when I was home sick from school or during school vacations. I would often stay for the theme song, and then check out. I remember the first time I tried to give it a shot I made it to the opening line from the narrator in which he mentioned George was enjoying an air-conditioned tree. For some reason, this was just too preposterous for me and I changed the channel. Eventually I came back to it as during the summer months I often turned on Cartoon Network when I woke up and just left it on all day. I watched a lot of crap during those years and, to be honest, I don’t know if George of the Jungle was part of that crap or not. I have no strong memories of the show, be they positive or negative. The premise of the show seems fine, so maybe it was charming, but I don’t know.

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George was deemed worthy of a reboot in 2007.

That show is merely how the world was introduced to the character of George of the Jungle, but he didn’t stop there. A live-action movie premiered in 1997 starring Brendan Fraser in the lead role. He was joined by the always effervescent Leslie Mann in the role of Ursula, and I honestly have no memory of the film despite seeing it. I think I thought it was fine, but it obviously could not have been that great for me to have no real recollection of it. That was it for awhile though as George went back into obscurity. Then, for seemingly unknown reasons, the show was revived in 2007 by Classic Media for the Teletoon channel in Canada and Cartoon Network in the US. It ran for 26 episodes with each one containing two segments. It received what is considered a second season, but that came in 2016 and was more like a soft reboot of the show as a lot of the characters were changed-up and even redesigned. That second season also ran for 26 episodes ending its run in February of 2017. I guess we should expect a third season sometime in 2025.

The Christmas episode “Jungle Bells” was part of that first season. In it, the character Ursula (Britt Irvin) tries to teach her jungle friends about Christmas. It’s a fairly straight-forward plot about a Christmas-educated individual trying to bring the holiday to some place foreign. There will be trials along the way and the goal is for everyone to understand the true meaning of Christmas by the time the episode ends. Since this is a comedy series though, perhaps we can expect a twist or something along the way or maybe even an unexpected conclusion. I’ve never watched this show before today so anything is on the table in my mind.

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The ever alert denizens of the jungle.

The episode begins with the characters seemingly getting a lesson on astronomy and jungle life from Dr. Towel Scott (Mark Oliver). It seems to be going over the heads of everyone and boring them as well giving the Witch Doctor (Brian Drummond) an opening to educate them on the Season of the Great Baboon. That apparently refers to a time of year when everyone takes back all of the stuff they’ve given away before retreating to hide in a cave and subsist on leaves. Ursula then notices that Christmas is coming given the orientation of the stars in the sky. George (Lee Tockar), Ape (a literal ape voiced by Paul Dobson), and Magnolia (a jungle girl with an American southern accent voiced by Tabitha St. Germain) have no idea what she is talking about. After she gives them a brief rundown of the holiday Magnolia notes it sounds better than the great baboon, and yes it does.

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Ursula describes the wonders of Christmas.

The next day, George and Ape are playing catch (they’re using a poor little bird as the ball and large leaves as mitts) while Ursula goes on and on about how great Christmas is. She describes how it would snow at Christmas time and she would go snowboarding causing George to remark how wonderful it must be to go around trees instead of crashing into them. She continues by talking up the lights and the food, but this only further confuses the others since they don’t know what trimmings or a pine tree are. Ursula runs off to find her father, Dr. Scott, who is out catching insects for his studies. She asks him what they’re doing for Christmas, only to find out that since they’re going to be in the jungle he was planning on skipping it. This does not go over well with Ursula.

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Ursula is going to bring Christmas to the jungle no matter what the cost.

Ursula then gathers everyone and commands them like a drill sergeant. She informs them they will indeed have the best Christmas ever and produces a plan on how to do that. She assigns everyone a task:  George is on tree duty, Magnolia is to create “whimsical winter outfits,” Ape is in charge of caroling, and some elephant named Shep is expected to handle the lights. Ursula wants all white lights, no multi-color strands, which means she’s after my heart (though I do like the white and blue strands as well as the white and red).

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If there is a lesson to be taken from this special it is that crocodile eggs do not make for quality eggnog.

We then cut to that night and everything is setup for a Christmas celebration. It looks pretty good, all things considered. There’s a big tree and everything seems relatively festive. Things quickly go off the rails though. As Ursula boasts how wonderful everything looks, she’s holding onto some kind of garland that is apparently made out of eggs which begin hatching giving birth to weird jungle spiders. George presents her with some eggnog and has it spat all over him as it was apparently made out of spoiled crocodile eggs. Shep shows up with some lights, so apparently not all is lost. He sucks them up in his trunk and then spits them all over the place. It’s then Ursula realizes they’re in the jungle and do not have access to an electrical outlet. She’s about to crack, but then remembers the carols. Everyone then gathers to sing Christmas carols, but it’s awful and offkey. I’m not even sure they’re all singing the same song. The noise causes a stampede putting a merciful end to this horrid celebration as Ape admits they didn’t do any rehearsals. Ursula takes the failure rather hard and announces through sniffles that she’s going home to bed. Magnolia then vows they need to make this right.

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She gives up rather easily.

George, Ape, and Magnolia pay a visit to Dr. Scott for assistance on how to save Christmas. It’s via him they learn about Santa Claus giving George the idea to track down Santa and force him to make Ursula’s Christmas awesome. They quickly set off and a narrator (Michael Daingerfield) takes over the story-telling. George and his friends first end up at the South Pole where a penguin apparently directs them north. They make a stop at a police lineup full of non-Santa holiday mascots before arriving at the North Pole. There an elf gives them the run-around and then, laughing rather maniacally, is shown heading into Santa’s workshop. The montage ends with George, Ape, and Magnolia atop a tree searching around in the jungle. Ape questions how a big, red, dude could be so hard to find and George agrees. He also declares he needs a nap and immediately goes to sleep. Ape and Magnolia decide to join him and as the trio sleep they slide into the canopy of leaves and down the limbs of the tree getting tangled in some vines.

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Well now, who is this jolly old fellow?!

The three wake up to find themselves suspended upside down. George panics momentarily, but then an image fills his sight. It’s a large, red, creature with a white beard! George immediately mistakes him for Santa Claus, but it appears to be the great baboon the Witch Doctor described earlier. He helps them down, and is then confused when George jumps onto his lap with a list of demands, number one being that Ursula needs a chimney so Santa can visit her. The baboon appears agreeable, but then asks them what they’re talking about with a crazy-sounding “Ho ho!” George groans, realizing he’ll just have to do this himself.

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Who knew a swarm of bats could make for a good reindeer alternative?

And that’s what George should have done from the start as he quickly assembles a rather nice looking chimney in seconds later that evening, though he does get stuck in it. They then turn their attention to creating a sleigh as they’re apparently going to play Santa. Ape loads it up with toys, while George gets poison ivy for some reason. They’re then shown trying to make the sleigh fly with a team full of bats lazily depicted mostly as a cloud. It’s not working and George thinks they need a leader. He turns to Tookie, the little pink bird who was serving as their ball earlier, and plants a red nose on him. Tookie takes one look at the bats with antlers shoved into their heads and seems scared, but he bravely flies to the head of the team. Apparently there was some Christmas magic in that bird as the sleigh soon takes flight.

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At least it’s not cold.

While flying above the jungle, Ape tells George to release the presents and he does so. All at once. The sack lands in a volcano which causes it to spew ash into the air. It rains down like snow on the jungle and the Witch Doctor can be seen making ash angels while Shep samples the flavor. Ursula is then shown asleep in her bed with a single tear dangling from one eye. George and Ape drop in with the chimney and get to work making the place look nice. And they succeed! The place looks like a Hallmark card, the only thing missing is a stocking over the fireplace. George nails one to the mantle, but it causes the entire chimney to crack and then crumble ruining the house.

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And this is the part where things predictably go wrong.

Ursula and her dad are roused from their sleep by the noise and find George and Ape amongst the rubble. They somewhat coyly say someone ruined her house, and her Christmas, but are then confused to see her smiling. She runs outside into the falling “snow” and remarks how it looks just like Christmas back home. She all but thanks George for going through all of the trouble to make this happen when Magnolia comes barreling into the screen by tackling George. She thanks him profusely for decorating her hut, then remarks his looks even better. George and Ape are confused, so they head over to check it out.

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At least George’s place still looks nice.

George’s hut looks rather amazing as it’s all decorated for Christmas. Magnolia assumes Santa did it, and George is confused why he would decorate his hut too. Ursula basically gives him a response of because it’s Christmas, and George doesn’t hide the fact that he doesn’t understand, but he likes it so requests to do it again next year. Magnolia then beckons them to the window where they look and see a shadow against the moon. It scratches itself, and they assume it must be Santa and wish him a Merry Christmas. The figure returns the gesture, and becomes well lit revealing it’s actually the baboon. It’s he who ends the episode with a, “And to all a good night!”

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Quick! Everyone rush to the window for a glimpse of Santa!

And that’s it, a pretty straight-forward take on the plot of Christmas coming to a location it was previously foreign. You have the frustrated character who can’t seem to convey the holiday’s message to the newcomers and the newcomers sort of stumbling into a way to make it happen with a dash of Christmas magic tossed in for good measure. There’s no message in the end though, a part from maybe the old adage “It’s the thought that counts,” as we don’t really learn anything about Christmas. It has a bit of a twist in the ending with the baboon being mistaken for Santa, but it doesn’t really add anything. I guess it’s a little funny, but in the end did it matter that it wasn’t Santa? We basically just found out Santa doesn’t really care about the denizens of the jungle and that apparently the Witch Doctor has been honoring this baboon guy in the wrong manner.

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Only it’s not Santa. Eh, close enough.

George of the Jungle is not an impressive looking show. It’s flash-animated, and being from 2007, means it looks rather “puppetty.” The characters are simple models that are animated in a fairly simple manner. Only what needs to be animated is repositioned while the rest of the image remains static. It’s not particularly fluid. The designs of the characters have a slight resemblance to the 1967 show, though Ursula looks particularly modern in her attire and George is actually quite skinny. Shep and Dr. Scott in particular remind me of the old show, but what’s lacking is the background and general art design. There’s nothing memorable as it’s just a fairly typical jungle setting. The voice acting is pretty good, though I’m not crazy about the voice given to George. Sometimes I get the impression he’s supposed to sound really stupid, but it’s almost noncommittal. Is he dumb? Ignorant? I don’t know.

The show is also short on laughs. Ape has a deadpan delivery to a lot of his lines that works and I did enjoy the joke of George pining for a scenario in which he avoids trees, but aside from that little made me laugh. They confused the South Pole with the North Pole, which is a joke that’s been done many times. I guess I like that Santa was shown to exist, but the elves are just secretive about it. Ursula going mad early on is supposed to be funny, but it’s again too conventional. George getting eggnog regurgitated onto him was definitely the grossest moment of the show and it was a bit humorous to see it go on and on, but that also made it feel too much like a Family Guy gag.

At least we learned that Christmas can indeed come to the jungle. And if you want to experience it for yourself it’s very easy as the whole show is free to stream on YouTube. I mean, I don’t recommend you actually do it as it’s apparently free for a reason, but if you liked the old show and always wanted to see George interact with Christmas well now’s your chance.


Dec. 15 – Animaniacs – “A Christmas Plotz”

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Original air date December 6, 1993

It’s rare when you encounter a cartoon series that has back-to-back episodes dedicated to Christmas, but that happened with the first season of Animaniacs. If you’re not familiar with the show, Animaniacs is essentially the spiritual successor to Tiny Toon Adventures as another Steven Spielberg presented cartoon series. It, even more so than Tiny Toons, draws inspiration from the golden era of cartoons when guys like Tex Avery, Chuck Jones, and Friz Freleng were making audiences laugh at the movie theater. The series is a cartoon variety show with the main characters consisting of the fictional Warner brothers and Warner sister:  Yakko, Wakko, and Dot. It paired them up with many other newcomers like Slappy Squirrel, The Goodfeathers, and perhaps most famously the duo of Pinky and the Brain.

 

Animaniacs premiered on the Fox Kids network in the fall of 1993 and anchored Fox’s weekday afternoon lineup. Perhaps that’s why the producers and writers felt like they had room for multiple Christmas episodes. They aired back-to-back with a week of reruns in between with this one airing on December 6, 1993 and they were the last new episodes of the show to debut in 1993. Reruns took the Warners and Co. the rest of the way with new episodes premiering in 1994. Like a lot of Fox programs, the initial season was a direct to syndication order of 65 episodes with supplemental seasons tacked on. The show ran until 1998, finishing up on Kids’ WB after 99 episodes, and was followed by a direct-to-video movie, Wakko’s Wish, which is coincidentally a Christmas affair. It seems odd that the show wasn’t given one additional episode to get it to 100, an achievement it certainly deserved, but maybe that’s why Wakko’s Wish exists.

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Want to make an episode feel special? Just dress-up the opening credits a bit.

Animaniacs mixes a lot of slapstick humor with satire of celebrity culture. There’s numerous musical segments, honestly more than I remembered when I went back and watched it, and lots of micro segments which many fans probably recall fondly. I’m speaking of the Good Idea/Bad Idea stuff or that little kid who likes to talk about some other person named Randy. It also poked fun at broadcast standards via the Wheel of Morality and is also quite notable for slipping a few risqué jokes past the censors (Finger Prince?). It wasn’t a cheap show and often featured some of the best animation and musical numbers on television. It feels like a show that couldn’t exist today because of this, but Hulu is reportedly bringing the show back in 2020. It remains to be seen what the show will look and sound like, but most of the original cast is back onboard and it’s hard to imagine Amblin Entertainment allowing the show to look worse than it did 20 years ago.

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What’s better than dressing up the opening title sequence? Adding an homage to the old CBS Special Presentation bumper! Gets me every time.

The very first segment of the first Christmas themed episode is the one we’re looking at today:  A Christmas Plotz. Plotz refers to the name of the fictional CEO of the Warner Bros. Company Thaddeus Plotz (Frank Welker). He is ostensibly the one responsible for ordering the Warners be locked away in their tower, as detailed during the show’s infectious opening. He’s a miserable old miser, so you can probably see where this is going. Can Animaniacs do a worthwhile parody of A Christmas Carol, or is this yet another forgettable retread? Let’s find out.

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Warner Studios all ready for Christmas.

The episode begins with the fake news reel explaining the origins of the Warner Bros. Yakko (Rob Paulsen), Wakko (Jess Harnell) and their sister Dot (Tress MacNeille) were classic cartoon characters deemed too zany and crazy to exist. Their cartoons were blacklisted and they were sealed away, along with the Warners themselves, in the studio’s water tower. This news reel begins many episodes of the show, but this time it’s presented with snowflakes falling all around. These snowflakes carry over into the opening title sequence and I do love when shows dress-up their opening credits for Christmas! The Steven Spielberg cartoons were frequent contributors to such.

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Thaddeus Plotz is a man in need of some Christmas spirit.

When that business concludes, we begin the show. It’s Christmas time at the Warner Studios lot and some carolers are cheerily singing “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” In his office, Thaddeus Plotz is not enjoying the festive singing. He opens his window to scream at them and fling fruit cake as well. It seems his subordinates all give him fruit cake at this time of year, even though he hates it (doesn’t everybody?). As he returns to his desk, his security guard Ralph (Welker) enters the office. Plotz instructs him not to sit down as this won’t take long, but Ralph interrupts him by going into a little prepared speech. It seems he expects this meeting to end with him receiving his Christmas bonus, and he thanks Mr. Plotz for letting him work there and presents him with yet another fruit cake. Ralph is the classic dumb guy cartoon archetype. He frequently starts sentences with “Ahh,” or “Duhh,” and adds random plurals onto certain words thus making him immediately sympathetic, which is important for what follows.

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This image makes me feel genuinely crushed.

When Ralph finishes his little speech and presents Plotz with the fruit cake the old man is able to put on a happy face briefly despite his disgust. He then holds up a line graph which apparently details rising costs directly tied to the damage caused by the Warners. It’s Ralph’s job to keep them in line, and he’s failed miserably. Plotz fires him on the spot, then wishes him a sincere-sounding Merry Christmas. As Ralph’s eyes well-up with tears, he slumps his shoulders and walks out.

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This one features a Slappy cameo, but sadly she’s the only one.

That night, Plotz is still busy in his office with budgetary matters. He’s recording a voice memo in which he mentions that in order to cut costs employees will soon be expected to provide their own toilet paper. As he finishes up, an apparition appears before him. It’s Slappy Squirrel (Sherri Stoner) in the Jacob Marley role. She’s mostly transparent and blueish with chains draped over her and isn’t particularly happy to be there. When a frightened Plotz demands to know why she’s here, she pulls out a notebook and reads her lines about him being visited by three ghosts. When he asks why, she tells him she doesn’t know as she lost the rest of the script. She then marches out of there grumbling about how she’s doing this for scale and remarks that she needs a new agent.

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Bring on the ghosts! First up is Wakko as the Ghost of Christmas Past.

With Slappy gone, Plotz thinks he hallucinated her due to working too hard. He drinks some water and then the phone on his desk begins to ring. He answers it and a spectral Wakko pops out of the receiver. He’s mostly blue save for his red nose and hat. He’s also dressed in a manner similar to the classic interpretation of Tiny Tim and immediately goes into a little musical number about taking a trip back to the past to see how Plotz got here. He sets up a little movie theater for the two and finishes his song with a kiss. The reel-to-reel projector is fired up as Wakko enjoys some popcorn and we’re taken to our first scene of the past.

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This is a pretty on-brand way for Wakko to present the past to Plotz.

It’s the birth of Thaddeus Plotz! His mother (Nancy Linari) is resting comfortably and seems quite content with her new babe, but then the doctor brings her the bill and little Thaddeus jumps up in anger. He’s still ticked about the whole spanking of the bum thing by the doc and informs him that he’ll be hearing from his lawyers. We’re then shown a five-year-old Plotz as he confronts a mall Santa surrounded by said attorneys to make his annual demands of St. Nick. He expects many gifts, including a horse, and Santa seems bewildered. The Plotz of the present then informs us he was gifted a pony that year and he still seems ticked off by it. Plotz demands this farce end, but Wakko then shows him another vision of the past, one he promises is the worst. This time he’s an adult and seated behind his current desk. He’s telling an old man (Maurice LaMarche) his services are no longer needed, despite him begging to be allowed to keep his job. That old man was his dad, and Plotz still sees nothing wrong with usurping the company from his old man as he allowed him to keep his medical benefits.

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You just knew they would utilize the present pun. Dot even feels the need to draw attention to it by pointing it out.

Wakko and his accessories then vanish as Plotz returns to his desk once again questioning if what he just saw was real or not. He sits down at his desk and blames his vision on bad cocktail weenies (because that food was considered inherently funny in the 90s, like cheese) when he notices a large present on his desk. He thinks it’s going to be another fruitcake, but a spectral Dot pops out dressed in old-timey clothes and demands to know who he’s calling a fruitcake. She also points out the pun of her being the Ghost of Christmas Present and popping out of a present. She too has a little song to sing, and as she kicks away the nameplate on Plotz’s desk we can see his own name was misspelled on it (Thadius), though I don’t think that’s a joke just an animation goof.

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Well, at least they’re happy.

Dot takes Plotz to a trailer park, and I bet you can guess who lives here. It’s the home of the recently fired Ralph who is seated in an easy chair trying to calm his son (Paulsen) who is irate with Plotz for firing his dad. He assures the boy that everything will be okay. The pair are summoned to dinner and we get to meet Mrs. Ralph who inexplicably looks and sounds exactly like her husband. Their kid seems well-adjusted and perfectly fine though, so he apparently hasn’t been ravaged by his incestuous origin. Mrs. Ralph is serving what they can afford for Christmas dinner:  Turkey Jell-O. It looks pretty terrible, but Ralph is excited to eat it while little Ralph Jr. is decidedly not happy about this current situation. He claims to the camera he’s adopted, and we believe him, and vows to get even with Mr. Plotz some day.

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And Yakko makes three.

Plotz is a bit unnerved by Ralph Jr’s hatred of him and wants out. He soon finds himself back in his office. He’s apparently accepted the reality of this evening as he’s now concerned about the arrival of the third ghost. The clock striking midnight and a thunderstorm brewing outside seem to spook him as he tries to call for security, forgetting momentarily that Ralph was security. He then tries to leave, but finds the door locked. Turning around, he screams when he sees the third ghost. A being resembling the Grim Reaper approaches, sickle and all. It pins him to the door and says his name in a deep, hollow, voice as it extends a boney finger towards Plotz’s throat.

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Yakko’s song and dance number is certainly elaborate, but is it funny? Eh…

Yakko then emerges from the robes to announce he’s the Ghost of Christmas Future. He ditches the spooky stuff and sports a tuxedo as he goes into an elaborate song and dance routine announcing his arrival and intentions. It’s complete with female dancers (voiced by Carol Lombard, Kimberly Fligsten, Brianne Lepon, and Sara Ford) which Yakko hits on mercilessly while Plotz is dragged around and forced to keep pace. Yakko slips in insults here and there while Plotz drops his fear for a minute to just get angry and annoyed. The presence of the women allow Yakko to work in his “Hello, nurse” catchphrase, and the whole thing ends with Yakko tossing Plotz off of the magical stairs that appeared to land in an armchair. I do not know if this song is a direct parody of anything, but Yakko does go into a brief Groucho bit for a moment.

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I wonder who that guy could be?

With both Yakko and Plotz seated comfortably, Plotz looks around and realizes they’re still in his office. Only now it’s not his office. Yakko directs Plotz’s attention to the new man in charge, an angry guy with a huge, bald, head. He’s yelling about Urkel looking ridiculous with his pants pulled up so high at his age as he’s on the phone with someone. He slams it down and returns to his work and Yakko points out to Plotz that this man is actually Ralph Jr. all grown up. It seems he did get his revenge on Plotz, as we soon find out his fate. Unlike Scrooge, Plotz is still alive in this future, but he has suffered a fate worse than death. He’s been made the new Ralph and tasked with keeping the Warners in line. He looks mostly the same, only he has an unkempt mane of gray hair and his eyes are a bit sunken looking.

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Old man Plotz is forced to try and keep pace with the Warners. It’s actually pretty impressive a man of his age can do this much.

Plotz is horrified by the sight, and it only gets worse. The Warners then show up to taunt him, and as he chases after them with a net Ralph Jr. emerges from his window to call down to him. He admonishes him for not catching them, and when Plotz informs Ralph that they’re too fast, he unceremoniously fires the old man punctuating it with a cheerful “Merry Christmas,” just as he did to his father years ago. The future Plotz walks away disheartened, while present Plotz begins to pout and cry.

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The ghosts may be done, but the Warners still have a role to play.

Plotz soon realizes he’s back in his office. It’s Christmas morning, and now he has his chance for atonement. He kisses his desk when he realizes where he is and races over to the window. He goes into the usual routine as he calls out to some kids asking what day it is. It’s the Warners in their holiday threads, only now they’re not blue ghosts. They tell him it’s Christmas Day, and Dot remarks to the camera how he’s not too bright. Plotz then throws down a sack of money and tells them to go buy the biggest fruit cake they can find and deliver it to Ralph’s house. He even tells them to keep the change. Wakko declares that they’re rich and the trio grab the money and run.

 

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Plotz never really atones for his mistake, he just tries to cover it up.

At Ralph’s trailer, the whole place is bouncing up and down with Christmas cheer. The family is singing around their 8″ tall tree when a knock at the door disturbs their celebration. Ralph Jr. answers it to find it’s Plotz armed with a stack of presents. He barges in and demands to know why he’s hearing that Ralph left the studio. A confused Ralph points out that he fired him, but Plotz corrects him by saying he inspires him! He then charms Mrs. Ralph, before turning his attention to Ralph Jr. He begs the boy not to take over the studio, and then tries to bribe him with a pony. The kid demands a horse instead and Plotz makes an expression that basically says, “I deserved that.”

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Grovel, you swine!

Another knock at the door gets Plotz’s attention and he opens it to find the Warners. They tell him they brought the fruit cake and an excited Plotz races outside wanting to know where it is. They tell him they got the biggest they could find, and they weren’t kidding. A helicopter delivers a massive fruit cake, and drops the two-story monstrosity right on top of Plotz. His feet stick out from under it and all we can hear is unintelligible ranting. The Warners jump on top armed with spoons and assure him they can have him out by Easter. Wakko then wishes us all a merry Christmas as the sound of Christmas bells take us out of the segment.

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A fitting punishment for a lifetime of dickish behavior.

And that’s it for “A Christmas Plotz.” It’s followed by a musical number based on The Little Drummer Boy in which the Warners assume the role of the drummer and lead us through a fairly straight interpretation of the tale. It’s not particularly memorable, but if you like your Christmas with a side of Jesus then it’s probably right up your alley.

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The Warners get the last word, per usual.

“A Christmas Plotz” is pretty entertaining, as most cartoons starring the Warners tend to be. It’s a bit disappointing that a show as creative as Animaniacs went in this direction though as it didn’t really bring anything new to the table. It’s a pretty faithful adaptation of the old story truncated to 12 minutes or so and punctuated with jokes. The jokes are fairly easy, but still humorous. It’s still fair to question whether or not we ever needed Animaniacs to go this route. An original Christmas story would have been preferable, but obviously more work. I suppose I’m glad the Warners were thrust into the ghost role as opposed to that of the Cratchits. Maybe another holiday parody would have worked better? The slapstick nature of Home Alone would have lent itself well to the show, or maybe just have the Warners run wild through Santa’s workshop? A Christmas Carol parody is the lowest rung on the holiday special ladder, and I just can’t help but feel that this show is better than this. At least this show looks great as this particular episode was entirely animated by the renowned TMS Entertainment. Episodes of this show really don’t come any better in terms of looks than what you’ll see here.

img_0461Thankfully, if you want to spend the holidays with the cast of Animaniacs you have other options. There’s the episode that follows this which is less cohesive, but pretty fun. There’s also a Christmas cartoon starring Slappy featured in the penultimate episode of the show that’s fodder for a future countdown. And there’s also the previously mentioned Wakko’s Wish if you want to spend an even longer amount of time with the gang at Christmas. That feature has the added appeal of making use of the full ensemble so it’s a bit like a celebration or grand finale for the show. If you’re really into the show though, you’ll probably just want to watch all of them. And if so, don’t forget the excellent Pinky and the Brain holiday special!

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This cartoon is fine, but the episode that follows makes better use of the entire cast making it my preferred Christmas episode of the two.

If you do indeed wish to invest some of your Christmas viewing time into Animaniacs then it’s pretty easy to do so. The entire show is available to purchase on physical media or through digital means. By far, the easiest way though is via Hulu which has the entire series plus the movie on it. It also has other Spielberg cartoons so you can really indulge in some 90s animation and basically all of them feature a Christmas special or two. There’s certainly room for Animaniacs at Christmas time, so hopefully you find an episode that works for you.


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