It feels like it has been a minute since we took a look at an American Dad! Christmas episode. The show can be counted on to produce such an episode almost annually and often times the Christmas episode is among the best of the season. 2024 is also the year we had to say goodbye to actor Martin Mull. It’s possible you don’t immediately conjure up a role for Mull upon hearing his name, but he’s definitely one of those “Hey, it’s that guy!” type of actors that most have encountered. He seemed to get a lot of work in TV in the 90s and I can’t think of a program he was a part of that wasn’t better off for having him. And, to no surprise, he’s great on this episode of American Dad!.

Included a couple of years ago as one of the top Christmas specials of all-time was the season seven episode of American Dad! titled “For Whom the Sleigh Bell Tolls,” so it only makes sense that we return to American Dad! with the season eight episode “Season’s Beatings.” We’ve gone out of order with the show as I wanted to jump ahead to the sequel episode of “For Whom the Sleigh Bell Tolls” with “Minstrel Krampus,” so now I’m here to rectify that.

American Dad! is old news around here so I’m not going to make the usual preamble in this space, just know that you’re getting a subversive Christmas special. It’s not going to be for everyone. I hesitate to use the word “edgy” because it’s too often relied on and seems to be a favored descriptor for those with bad takes, but this episode is probably on the edgier side since it’s going to deal with the main character trying to murder a kid at Christmas. He’s the antichrist though so it’s okay! Still, if your idea of a good Christmas special is something like an episode of Full House or The Little Drummer Boy then this probably won’t be for you.

The episode begins in conventional fashion with no Christmas theming added to the opening title. Lame. Once over, we at least are immediately treated with an exterior shot of the Smith household all decked out for the holidays with a fresh blanket of snow. Inside, Francine (Wendy Schaal) and son Steve (Scott Grimes) are making cookies while Roger (Seth MacFarlane) is mixing up a batch of his special eggnog. Steve scolds him for taking so long with the ‘nog and Roger assures him it’s almost ready, but it just needs a final test. His slurred speech would suggest he’s already tested the drink extensively, but just to be sure he pulls out a cage containing two rats. He offers a ladle full of the stuff to a brown rat who sniffs it before taking a few licks. It immediately starts screaming and tares off the head of the other rat in the cage with it. After making out furiously with the severed head, the rat dawns it like a headdress and runs in circles until it stops to vomit out blood until it collapses and explodes sending rat pieces flying. I told you this wasn’t the sort of Christmas special for everyone.

After Roger declares his eggnog perfect, Stan (MacFarlane) enters the room with exciting news: Father Donovan is putting on a Christmas pageant at the mall all about the life of Jesus! Fran asks if he’ll be trying out and Stan smugly announces that he’s sure to land the lead role of Jesus for the play because he’s the most devout member of the congregation. Roger drunkenly laughs about the concept of Christianity, referring to it as his favorite deadbeat dad story (comparing it to the real song “Biological Didn’t Bother” by Shaq) as he slurs his speech and somehow manages to not fall off of the stool he’s standing on. Stan angrily slams down the pamphlets he was holding and demands that Roger not insult his religion. Roger, rather calmly, gathers up his jewel encrusted “pimp cup” and stumbles over to Stan as if he’s about to offer some retort, only to point out that Stan as a pimple under the skin of his chin that’s likely to reach its apex in about two weeks. He then saunters off into the living room.

In the dimly lit living room, Hayley (Rachael MacFarlane) and her husband Jeff (Jeff Fischer) are cuddling on the couch watching TV. Hayley asks her husband if everything is all right noting that he cried a lot more than usual during sex this morning. Jeff sits up and announces that he wants to have a baby. He feels they have a lot of love to give plus he also feels broken inside and kids are sure to fix everything! Hayley wants nothing to do with being a mother declaring she has no maternal instincts and only animal ones. She lists off eating and pooping as such instincts and casually tosses in a “laying on the ground ahead of a storm” which she immediately demonstrates by walking around in circles and curling up on the carpet as thunder booms outside. She punctuates the joke by scratching her ear with her foot.

At the mall the next day, some parishioners are setting up for the play while Father Donovan (Martin Mull) looks on with a lit cigarette casually placed between his fingers. Stan comes into frame to enthusiastically confirm that he’s willing to play Jesus in the play, but Donovan shoots him down immediately. Stan can’t believe it and points out that he’s the most devout member of Donovan’s flock, but Donovan just laughs him off and informs him the role has nothing to do with devotion – it’s all about the abs, baby! Jesus is shredded, and Stan is, well, not. Stan tries to convince him other wise by laying on the cross that’s being worked on at the moment, but it snaps in half under Stan’s weight causing the female worker who was painting it to declare, “Now what am I going to burn on my ethnic neighbor’s lawn?” Father Donovan assures Stan he has the perfect role for him and holds up a red jacket and pants. Stan thinks this is a reference to Fireman Jesus, but Donovan confirms for him that he wants him to play Santa. To try and convince him how great a role is he produces some Bratz dolls that Santa gave him – for free – last Christmas! He then darkly adds that he can’t believe this is the suit Earl died in.

Back at the Smith home, we see Jeff’s van pulling into the driveway and then cut to the living room. Jeff has an announcement to make – he’s adopted a son! He has named the little guy (who I would guess is 2 or 3) Nemo, after his favorite character from his favorite book: the novelization of the movie Finding Nemo. Hayley is outraged that Jeff went and did this while Francine is shocked and delighted. She can’t believe she’s a grandmother and felt her only chance at becoming one was if Steve got raped by a confused lesbian. She runs to Nemo and scoops him up covering him with kisses. Jeff says he wanted a son to carry on his legacy – his Suburu Legacy, so maybe this is going to be a running joke with him. Hayley is confused because adoption should be a lengthy process and asks Jeff how he pulled this off. He’s dumbfounded and chalks it up to an end of month clearance event while adding that the orphanage seemed real eager to get rid of this kid. Nemo then walks over to Hayley who backs away declaring “Eww, get it away from me!” He grabs her hand and nuzzles it which triggers Hayley’s maternal instincts to kick in times ten. She starts sobbing uncontrollably and wraps Nemo up declaring him her baby. Aww! Stan then comes down the stairs in full Santa costume and demands to know who Nemo is. Francine declares they’re grandparents, and he just responds, “Steve was raped by a confused lesbian?”

Back at the mall, Stan is apparently not playing Santa in the play, he’s just playing the part of Santa for the mall. There’s a kid sitting on his knee and Stan curtly asks him what does he want? The kid, in a deep, gravelly, voice, replies with “Umm, let me think about it?” Upon hearing how deep his voice is, Stan demands to know if he’s even a little boy, but the guy just tells him “Don’t worry about it.” After telling him he can’t be here, the not kid says “Come on, I waited in line let me just sit here a minute.” Stan doesn’t agree to that and tells him to get off, but the not kid assures him he’s almost done. When Stan asks what he’s almost done with, he just responds “Don’t worry about it.”

The performers in the pageant then enter and Stan declares he has to see this. Tossing the not kid from his lap, Stan hurries over to the stage to find out who is playing Jesus. It’s Roger, who is wearing a wig and a loincloth and has some impressive abs on display. Stan is outraged to find Roger as Jesus and demands to know why he would want to do this. He says that Stan made it sound like a big deal and notes it gave him an excuse to work on his abs and his…savior bulge, as he gestures to his groin. Stan can’t believe it and when he finds out that Roger is also drunk he loses it. He punches Roger in the face and climbs on top of him to rain blow upon blow upon this false idol. Roger gets away momentarily and crawls to one of the female performers. He doesn’t ask her for help though, just calls her ugly. He’s definitely not Jesus material.

We return to the Smith home as Stan pulls into the driveway. Inside, Nemo has Jeff’s hat on which I’m assuming everyone finds cute. Hayley is filming him and still sobbing uncontrollable prompting Francine to remark that her “bitch crying” is ruining the home movie. Stan then enters still in his Santa suit only now it’s covered in blood. Francine jumps up and asks him what happened. His cover? He was sitting on the bus next to Courtney Love and she sneezed. Even if that were believable, it’s ruined by good old television which Jeff points out as a news story covering the beating at the mall is played. Stan insists it’s not what it looks like and that he was defending Jesus while the anchor describes the beating as an unprovoked attack on Christianity. It’s not helped by the soundbite of Stan shouting at Roger as he wails on him “You can’t play Jesus you lazy, wine-loving, bisexual!” We then pull out from the TV to reveal a female priest is watching the coverage. She picks up the phone which cuts to another priest type doing the same and this goes on until it reaches the pope who asks “Are you watching this shit?”

Stan insists to his family he wasn’t slandering Jesus, but Roger. The news then alerts the viewing audience that the mall Santa has been identified as none other than Stan Smith. The phone rings immediately and Steve answers informing his father that it’s Father Donovan, and he sounds punitive. We cut to the church where Stan is having a face to face with Donovan who has some bad news: he’s being excommunicated from all of Christianity. Stan can’t believe it and asks how he can get back in. Donovan tells him there are only three ways: find the Holy Grail, kill the antichrist, or donate ten million dollars to charity adding that’s how Jared Fogle from the Subway ads got back in (this episode was made before Fogle was arrested and jailed for being a pedophile so this joke reads quite dark now). Stan points out that he can’t do any of those things, but Donovan can only offer his apologies. He demands that Stan turn in his badge and he apparently does have a gold, Christianity, badge that he places on Donovan’s desk. As he goes to leave, Father Donovan calls out to him to wait! He doesn’t have anything to add, he just wants Stan’s opinion on if he should grow a mustache or not further asking, “What do hookers like?”

The only thing for Stan to do is go home and cry in front of his family about being excommunicated. Roger is still nursing his injuries from his encounter with Stan at the mall (and really seems to be taking it all in stride, probably because he achieved orgasm during the fight which he confirms to Steve) while Klaus, the goldfish, can be seen wearing an adorable little Santa hat in his fish bowl. Steve tries to suggest to his dad that he just get a new religion and Francine remarks it worked for Mohammed Ali and thinks he changed religions, and his name, to Kareem Abdul Jabar. No, Francine, those are two different people. Stan doesn’t want to change religions, so he just sobs instead.

In his office, Stan is grabbing all of his kitschy religious items and tossing them into a box. As he does, he cries some more until his wails are interrupted by little Nemo who comes walking into the room doing the same. Stan seems to have taken to his new grandson better than I would have guessed as he picks him up and goes in for some snuggles. He then notices a mark on the boy’s head. It reads 6…6…2, phew! Wait! Below the 2 is a “+4” and then under that is the number 666! Nemo is the antichrist! Roger then enters with one of those tins filled with caramel corn. He claims to Stan that he made it just for him, but there’s a card on it indicating it was a gift to their neighbors Terry and Greg from someone named Trevor. We then get a quick cutaway of the pair looking for the gift under their tree while an angry Trevor, who thinks they regifted it, looks on. Trevor declares that they’re worse than Connor and everyone, including Trevor, gasps at the outburst. Connor must be pretty bad. Back in the study, Stan tells Roger to forget the corn because he has found a way back into Christianity and all he has to do is murder his grandson! And I thought they were bonding.

It’s nighttime and Father Donovan is pulling up to the Smith house in a car that features a license plate which reads “12 Inches.” Sure, buddy. Donovan enters the house and Stan shows him Nemo’s mark as the kid sleeps in a crib in the living room. Donovan tells Smith that he better make sure he knows for certain that Nemo is the antichrist before he kills him. Apparently, he’s made some mistakes in the past. Roger and Jeff then enter the house with Roger remarking that was some of his worst caroling, but best tagging, ever. We get a quick cut to someone’s garage door which features an image of Santa and what looks like strippers. Stan informs Jeff that he needs to take them to the orphanage where he got Nemo so that he can find evidence that proves he’s the antichrist so he can kill him. Jeff just says “Okay,” either not grasping what’s going on here or he just doesn’t care. Roger tells Stan to give the cutest orphan a crisp bill of some kind and the ugliest one a…he backhands Stan for dramatic effect. Stan then informs Roger that he’s coming too since he got him into this mess. Roger is fine with that, but informs everyone that before he can go anywhere he needs to…wipe…better. Gross.

Outside the burned down remnants of the orphanage, an old groundskeeper is there to tell the gang the place burned down last week, the day after Jeff adopted Nemo. He also shares with them that was the day he got his cholesterol test results back which no one seems to care about. The group split up and look amongst the wreckage for any clues they can find about Nemo. Only Father Donovan seems to have found anything as he looks over a manilla folder and calls Stan to tell him to meet him outside. As he waits for the others to come out, a crow observes Father Donovan pacing back and forth. Its eyes glow red and we cut back to Nemo who is playing with blocks with his mother. His eyes glow red and then in slow motion he knocks his little block tower over which causes the orphanage to shake and collapse on Father Donovan.

Stan and the others race outside seemingly avoiding catastrophe, but Father Donovan is not so lucky. His torso is sticking out of a pile of flaming rubble. He tells Stan he can’t feel his legs and asks if they’re okay. We pan over to see the man’s severed legs on fire prompting Stan to deadpan “They’re fine.” Donovan hands over what he found which is Nemo’s file confirming that he is indeed the son of Satan with a jackal for a mother. There’s even a nice family portrait of Nemo, a jackal, and a Satan that resembles Tim Curry from Legend. It’s at this point that Jeff realizes that Nemo spelled backwards is Omen, but Roger is quick to point out that doesn’t make sense since Jeff was the one who named him. They choose not to dwell on it as Father Donovan outlines what it means for Nemo to be the antichrist. He tells Stan that he needs to retrieve the sacred daggers from the Vatican as they are the only items that can kill Nemo. When Stan asks if he’s sure, Father Donovan says “Yes, I read it on Wikipedia.” He then goes into a long history on musician Jon Bon Jovi which he also read about on Wikipedia. As he does this, he’s clearly struggling to breathe, but he manages to finish the lesson before finally passing. Stan informs Jeff and Roger that they need to hurry to the Vatican, but Father Donovan wakes up and continues his history lesson. His last words are “Kenny…Loggins.” Stan seems afraid to say anything else in fear that it will prompt Father Donovan to share more last words. Godspeed Father Donovan. I hope there are hookers in Heaven waiting for you and they don’t care if you have a moustache or not.

Our next scene reveals that Stan has apparently managed to utilize CIA resources to get a plane and head to the Vatican. Stan calls home to let his family know what’s going on and he gets Steve. Steve immediately starts to share the results of his latest eye exam, but Stan obviously doesn’t care. He just blurts out the Nemo is the antichrist. Steve pauses, looks annoyed, then resumes sharing the details of his exam. At the next pause, Stan just shouts what they’re doing and passes on a warning to beware of Nemo before hanging up. Steve, clearly agitated, puts the phone down only to be startled by the presence of his nephew on the couch beside him. Nemo’s eyes glow red once more and Steve shivers beside him until his eyes turn red in response. He drones that he is here to serve him as his buddy Snot (Curtis Armstrong) enters the house. Steve’s head spins around with a snapping sound and Snot rightly is freaked out and makes a hasty retreat.

Stan, Roger, and Jeff arrive at the Vatican. Roger is already bored and complaining of thirst while Stan ignores him and outlines the plan. They need to gain access to the catacombs in order to find the daggers they seek, but when they arrive at the gate the two guards inform Stan he’s not allowed to enter. We get a close-up shot of a flier of banned persons. One is Jared from Subway with an “OK” stamped over him. Stan is there and below him it looks like maybe Christian Slater and Andy Dick? The one that looks like Slater might just be Seth MacFarlane, I don’t know. It is! When the camera zooms out we can clearly see his name below. Odd that they didn’t include it in the frame for the close-up. Anyway, Stan informs Jeff and Roger that they’ll have to retrieve the daggers, but Roger doesn’t want to. Stan then asks him why he can’t just assume a persona that’s eager to do this? Roger likes the suggestion and morphs into Roland Chang – Super Positive Asian! He basically wears a wig and smiley face hat and gets slanted eyes. It’s kind of racist? Roger is certainly not PC.

The catacombs are pretty creepy as we see Jeff and Roger walk amongst some dusty, old corpses. Roger tells Jeff to be on the lookout for the daggers and empty boxes since he has a friend that needs boxes in preparation for a move. A rat emerges from a hole in the wall to spy the pair and its eyes immediately turn red. We cut back to Nemo who is seated in a highchair with a sippy cup and army men splayed before him on the kitchen table. His eyes in turn glow red and he removes the lid to his cup and dumps it upon the army men. In the catacombs, Roger asks Jeff if he does coke and gets no reply so he just says “Yeah, me neither.” Suddenly, a rush of water comes surging in and Jeff and Roger are forced to try and get to safety. Roger manages to get onto a ledge, but the water sweeps Jeff away. Roger cries out, “Jeff!” in response to this only for Jeff to shout back “What?”

We then see Roger emerge from a floor vent into an ornately decorated sanctum. A group of cardinals, or bishops, or whatever they’re called are just standing around a bit surprised to see a super positive Asian fellow emerge from their basement. Roger has to break the bad news to them that they have a bit of a moisture problem in the basement. He then spies the ceremonial daggers right there on the wall! He informs them he can prepare an estimate for repairs, but then just kicks the first bishop in front of him right, square, in the nuts. We cut to Stan waiting outside as Roger comes running out shouting “We’ve got the daggers Jeff died run, run, run!”

We now return to the Smith household where Hayley is tossing a football with Nemo while Steve looks on speaking in tongues. Francine is on a ladder and hanging lights when she scolds Steve to stop speaking in Aramaic – it’s a dead language. Stan and Roger come speeding in and Francine demands to know where they’ve been. Stan asks her if she got his message, but as illustrated by Steve crawling around on the roof in some kind of a reverse crab walk pose, she did not. When Stan points out that Nemo turned Steve into an apostate of Satan, Francine confirms he’s been a pill all day. They also find time to slip in casually that Jeff is dead which shocks Hayley. When Stan tells her that they have to kill Nemo, he tries to use Steve like a club of sorts to telekinetically beat back Stan. Francine still doesn’t buy into this and just thinks Steve is hungry. She tells him she just made a Trader Joe’s run and lists off a bunch of digs at Trader Joe’s ending with something about a mushroom flatbread pizza that smells like nutsack.

Hayley, despite all of this, isn’t willing to let her father murder her son. She grabs him after Stan gets tossed into the ladder Francine was on forcing her to grab onto the lights to stop herself from falling. Roger leaps into action to stop Hayley from taking off, but Francine comes inadvertently swinging in and knocks Roger to the ground. The lights end up causing a fire which provides a distraction for Stan to grab Nemo and run. Hayley tackles him through the living room window of Terry (Mike Barker) and Greg’s (MacFarlane) and they roll around their house destroying a bunch of stuff in the process. Stan kicks his kids out of the house, but Nemo uses his telekinetic powers to throw Stan through the ceiling. He dangles for a second, then falls and resumes chasing after Nemo. Terry realizes this is the perfect opportunity to destroy some figurines of Greg’s he hates so he awkwardly swats them off an end table, well after the Smith’s have vacated their home, and does a pretty poor job of acting like it was an accident.

Back outside, Hayley pounces on her dad and demands he not harm her Satan baby indicating she’s accepted the reality of the situation, but still would prefer to not have her son murdered. A menacing looking dog leaps to Nemo’s defense so Stan pulls out his gun and shoots it. A blind man then wanders over asking if they’ve seen his dog, Clancy. Hayley and Stan don’t move or say a word and just let the poor guy pathetically call out for his service dog while receiving no response. He decides to move on, and is promptly run over for his efforts. That was just unnecessarily cruel.

With the blind man dead, Hayley and Stan resume their brawl only to be interrupted by Steve. He jumps on his father, still speaking in tongues, but Roland is here to put him down! He sprays Steve with some bug killer that causes him to fall off and act like a spider that just died. Roland tells Stan now they can kill that boy together and punctuates his optimism with a hearty thumb’s up. Stan grabs the daggers while Nemo tries to flee through the backyard. He uses his mind powers to chuck a charcoal grill at Stan, but Roland grabs him and pins him to a patio table. Stan goes in for the kill, and misses Nemo stabbing Roland in the hand. Roger immediately snaps back into his standard persona and begins to insult Stan, but then has to remind himself that’s not who Roland is and instead offers words of encouragement. Stan regathers the daggers and looks to try again, only for Hayley to pull his own gun on him. He gives her one look, then decides to kill the kid.

The screen goes white as we hear the sound of a gunshot. We’re at the hospital and Stan is waking up in his hospital bed surrounded by his family – including Jeff! If you’re thinking this whole episode was a dream, well you’re wrong. All of that stuff really happened, and Hayley did shoot Stan! It’s not explained how Jeff survived, he just did. Nemo was not murdered, but the family has good news regardless. Turns out, Roger’s pimp cup from act one was actually the Holy Grail so Stan has been readmitted into Christianity! As for Nemo, Hayley sent him somewhere far from Stan where he’ll be safe. We then cut to someone tucking little Nemo into bed – it’s Sarah Palin (Schaal). She offers up some encouragement about sleeping in the White House soon and then leaves the boy because her new issue of Highlights magazine has arrived. With his new mother gone, Nemo pops out from under the covers. He takes off his onesie pajamas, which are covered with crosses, and puts them on upside down. He then speaks in a shrill voice threatening Stan Smith that he’ll see him at the Rapture! His head spins around and he vomits a whole bunch while a voice over lets us know that Baby Antichrist wants to wish us a Merry Christmas! The screen is then covered in green vomit and the credits roll.

I told you it wasn’t going to be one of those warm, fuzzy, Christmas episodes. American Dad! knows how to deliver the subversive, and since its main character is a devout Christian it makes it pretty easy to craft a Christmas special. There are probably some uncomfortable images in this one for those who take their religion seriously, but there isn’t much here truly mocking Christianity. Father Donovan isn’t really a wholesome take on a priest while the suggestion that anyone with money can buy their way into the good graces of the Pope could certainly be taken as a jab at the faith. On the other hand, Donovan did say “charity” when mentioning how Stan could pay his way out of trouble so it’s not like he was enriching any one person had he been able to go that route.

No, what’s really the aim of this episode is just to fashion a Christmas episode around a grandfather seeking to kill his newly adopted grandson. That’s pretty messed up, especially because Stan seems completely fine with the whole thing. Then again, Nemo is pretty clearly the antichrist and I suppose a good Christian would want to kill such a creature. And it’s not as if Nemo had been around all that long. I find it funny, and the episode is chock full of Christmas theming which I do so enjoy. We get lots of decorations and fun Christmas outfits for most of the family. I definitely could have used a bit more of Father Donovan so I was a bit sad to see him killed off about halfway through, but at least he didn’t overstay his welcome. The Palin joke at the end wasn’t very good. They insulted her intelligence with the crack about Highlights magazine, but it’s a pretty toothless joke. And Nemo did leave us with a taunt, but he would not return. There’s even a later Christmas episode about The Rapture, but no Nemo. I guess he’s still biding his time up there in Alaska, but he should probably ditch Palin and hitch himself onto another wagon if he wants to get into Washington.

Should you wish to partake in this non-traditional Christmas special the easiest way to do so is via Hulu. If you’re outside the US, then Disney+ will have it. TBS is still the cable home for American Dad! and you can probably find this one playing throughout the month there as well. It’s not my favorite American Dad! holiday episode, but it’s up there. Maybe even number two, so I give it a strong recommend with the caveat that it’s not for everyone. Now let’s all strive to be a little less like the antichrist this holiday season and a little more like Roland Chang – Super Positive Asian!