Category Archives: Television

December 18, 2024

Dec. 18 – Pillow People Save Christmas

By Joe

Yesterday, we took a look at an obscure Christmas special I had no familiarity with. Today, we’re looking at an obscure Christmas special that I do have some familiarity with. Pillow People were a line of pillows with faces created by Penny Ekstein-Lieberman (you can see a commercial here, if you’re curious). According to the website Mental Floss, Ekstein-Lieberman created the dolls in response to a nightmare her kid had thinking a friendly face would be some comfort after such a traumatic event for a child. The dolls were basically just throw pillows with faces and there were stuffed limbs added to them. Despite their simplicity, Pillow People ended up being a pretty big deal. They must have been hard to come by because I can remember my mom being pretty jazzed to find one for my sister and I. My Pillow People was Punky, the sunglasses wearing pillow holding a record. I can’t remember what my sister had. I can recall not being that impressed with the toy and I may have even responded in a bratty way, “I wanted a toy, not a pillow!” I wasn’t very attached to old Punky, but he may still be spinning records in my parents’ attic for all I know.

The logo for the Pillow People with Sweet Dreams serving as the “O” in pillow. That thing was supposed to help prevent nightmares…

Pillow People were big and big in the 80s which meant an animated TV special was practically a certainty. Animation was so cheap back then that companies were willing to commission them basically as an advertisement. And in 1988, the Pillow People made the jump to television with a Christmas special. If you’re into animation, then you know the name TMS. Tokyo Movie Shinsha is one of the premier animation studios out of Japan. They worked on various Warner Bros. series and were pretty much always the best looking episodes for those shows. Remember Clayface from Batman: The Animated Series? That climactic scene of Clayface’s visage distorting and warping between looks was TMS. Ever see Akira? That’s TMS. By the mid 90’s, they were firmly established to the point where they didn’t need American television jobs, but in 1988 they weren’t there yet and actually were in position to take on a project like Pillow People Save Christmas. I’m curious if TMS proper actually animated this thing. Sometimes big studios basically sublet their projects to smaller places and maybe that happened here. It’s still a Hell of a get for Pillow People and it’s my primary motivation for checking out this otherwise forgotten television special.

The voices bringing these characters to life. Who they voice is a mystery.

Pillow People Save Christmas is so unimportant that it doesn’t even have an entry at IMDB.com. That’s truly remarkable and I think it’s a first for me with this blog. I’ve looked at some dumb stuff and some of them have entries on that database that basically just say “This is a thing that existed and we have no other information on it.” With this special we don’t even get that so I can’t include voice credits like I normally would as we get to each character. The special itself does of course feature credits at the end, but they’re not detailed. It’s basically just a list of names, some of which are quite familiar.

This one begins with a skyward look at a small town. The Pillow People logo pops in, but it’s missing some letters. That’s because they’re going to be provided by the actual Pillow People and they soon drop in. How cute? We then head for a home where a kid named Billy is getting ready to go to sleep on Christmas Eve. He’s worried about monsters under his bed even though Billy looks like he’s at an age where such concerns should have long faded. His parents assure him that no monsters are going to appear, but not because they don’t exist, but because they don’t attack kids on Christmas. Maybe this lack of denial is why Billy is still fearful at an advanced age. His parents are assholes. Billy thinks they might be dumb monsters though who have no idea it’s Christmas and he makes a good point, though if they’re dumb then he should be able to outsmart them, no?

Dad reminds Billy that the quicker he gets to sleep the quicker he gets to presents and that’s basically all the motivation Billy needs to put monsters out of his mind. He’s also wondering if he can catch Santa in the act as his parents leave the room as he lays down to go to sleep. I can recall doing the same on Christmas Eve which is why i know this kid isn’t real because he actually does fall asleep. The worst sleep sessions of my life have probably all been on Christmas Eve, and here’s some advice for you would-be parents, it doesn’t get that much easier! Anyway, Billy is soon roused from his slumber by a sound downstairs. He creeps to the stairs and sees the shadow of Santa on the wall. Score! Then he hears some scary noises and the cackle of what sounds like a witch as the shadow morphs into something sinister. Then his Christmas gets sucked up like someone is running a super-powered vacuum. Billy gets a look at the culprits, which in addition to the creepy witch shadow, are Pillow People! I thought they were the good guys? The witch notices Billy and orders her minions to grab him. Billy runs back into his room for safety, but when he dives under the covers a hand reaches out and grabs him!

Welcome to Pillow Valley, Billy. It sucks here.

Billy wakes up to find he is no longer in his room. It’s a bright, sunny, place and it’s populated by living pillows. The two beside him seem to know who he is. One is a boxing pillow named Pillow Fighter and the other is a girl pillow named Sweet Dreams. Both were part of the initial wave of Pillow People released to stores. Sweet Dreams introduces them as Pillow People and even adds, “Your huggable, lovable, friends!” You have to get that marketing in there. Above them in a tree is a baby pillow rocking in a cradle – seems safe. The two pillows take Billy on a little tour of the place and I’m not going to name everyone they introduce him to because this is basically a commercial. It would appear they were pushing new Pillow People with a face on one side and a different expression on the other, like sleeping and awake. It’s so cynical.

My boy Punky only gets a cameo in this one.

This leads into a brief musical number about the Pillow People that is just another commercial. It’s horrible, but it is the only place where my boy Punky is featured. Plus it contains the most ambitious animation we’re going to see with these wild tracking shots. This is too good for Pillow People. When the song is over we find an inspector pillow guy who speaks with a French accent snooping about. He’s clearly based on Inspector Clouseau. Nearby is Mr. Sandman Pillow sleeping on the curb who Sweet Dreams is eager to point out. Then a Dr. Z goes skating by with something called 40 Winks. There are these little pillow guys bounding after him and I don’t know if 40 Winks refers to one or all of them. Either way, he’s the typical professor character who probably has all of the good ideas that advance the plot or something. Or he would if this became a series (it did not). There’s a bell ringing in his laboratory or something and apparently he knows right away that it’s Santa Claus. Billy is rightly surprised to hear that the real Santa would be in Pillow Valley, but Sweet Dreams just replies matter-of-factly with an “Of course,” when he asks if it’s really him. She’s so smug.

Dr. Z is another 80s character perpetually on roller skates. You can tell he’s an 80’s character because they’re roller skates and not roller blades.

When we see Dr. Z get to the lab we see how he knew it was Santa. He has some big machine in there that’s like a video phone and that must have been the special Santa ring. Santa is calling because The Noises in the Night are keeping he and his elves awake and without rest they can’t finish all of the toys they need to make for Christmas. The Noises in the Night are basically the Pillow People we saw in Billy’s house. One looks like a door, one a window, a thundercloud and…I don’t really know what the fourth one is supposed to be. He sort of looks like an egg with clown shoes. They were toys too and I specifically remember the window guy as he was in the background a lot in Full House. I think my neighbor had him too. They obviously represent noises that might keep kids away at night and we soon find out they’re followers of someone called Nightmara (Night-mare-ah). She’s some evil being that can’t sleep so she makes it her mission to keep kids awake at night to spread misery, I guess.

Santa and his elves just lay back and take the abuse. What chumps!

Dr. Z suggests to Santa that he move his base of operations from the North Pole to some secret Santa hideout in Pillow Valley called North Pillow. That’s pretty convenient that he has a satellite operation there. Santa agrees with the suggestion and soon he and his elves arrive in Pillow Valley. We check-in with them to find Santa and the elves all asleep at their work bench. You would think Santa would allow his workers to retreat to actual beds, but no. Unfortunately for them their sleep is soon interrupted once again by the Noises in the Night. They come barging in, go up and down the work benches being kind of loud, and then depart satisfied in a job well done. They also warn that now it’s Nightmara’s turn to do whatever her job is. Santa can only bemoan the fact that the Noises tracked them down. No one seems to consider just, I don’t know, kicking their asses? These guys are strictly pacifists it would seem. It also probably wouldn’t hurt to lock the door. Or get ear plugs. All I’m saying is this seems like a real minor problem with a variety of simple solutions.

This Nightmara sure casts a menacing shadow. Can she possibly live up to it?

Billy and the others soon drop by only to find out that the elves have hit such a state of exhaustion that they’re now in a deep sleep. The problem now is that they’re too close to Christmas and can’t possibly finish all of the toys in time. Billy has the bright idea to suggest that they assist in making the last of the toys. Everyone seems to think this is a great idea so I guess they all have experience making toys? They get to work and we see that it’s okay for the boxing pillow to punch stuff that isn’t alive, but I guess he can’t punch one of the Noises in the Night. Everything seems to be going well until Nightmara’s shadow falls across the land. More evil laughter is heard as soon all of the presents get sucked away. There doesn’t appear to be some massive vacuum device, it just sort of happens like it’s a property of the shadow she creates. And that shadow kind of looks like a dragon and I’m actually eager to see what this being looks like. With the presents all gone Nightmara takes her leave and Santa, the funny guy that he is, announces that it’s “Ho, ho, hopeless,” and that Christmas is cancelled. Where have I heard that before?

In a sinister looking castle with a giant dragon’s maw for an opening, we find the Noises in the Night apparently enjoying the gifts their master stole. We then get our first look at this Nightmara as she descends a staircase with what appears to be a raven on her shoulder. She’s…unimpressive. She has a visage like Mother Brain from the Captain N show and a body like Venger from the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon, only it’s purple instead of red. Maybe they date? She has either a cape or bat wings and she’s just all together some creepy old lady. Not really scary or imposing, though certainly ugly. She’s pissed at her minions for playing with the toys and making a bunch of noise, but making noise is essentially all that they do.

Where are the stolen presents go. Very efficient.

Upon seeing Nightmara, the ugly pillow with the big feet collides with Thunderclap. He was on a skateboard and Thunderclap was playing marbles. The two then smash into a toy train being driven by the other two, the squeeky door and window. Nightmara then gets a chance to explain her rationale here which is that she stole Christmas from the kids so they couldn’t sleep? Okay, she reasons that kids go to bed early on Christmas to wake up early and open gifts and since she can’t sleep no one can. I get the last part, but the promise of presents in the morning is what makes kids NOT sleep on Christmas Eve. Her plan should have something to do with that. No presents means kids are just going to be sad (which probably doesn’t bother her), but they’re just going to go to sleep again. Her plan should be somehow to prolong Christmas. Anyway, we do finally get to see what she’s using to suck up the toys. It’s a tiny, black, chest and she uses it to suck up all of the toys in her castle so that the Noises in the Night can’t play with them. I’d say she’s a mean boss, but I suppose they had it coming when they decided to work for someone who refers to herself as The Queen of Nightmares.

Back in Pillow Valley, Santa informs the others that there isn’t enough time to make new toys to save Christmas. Pillow Fighter finally makes a useful suggestion which is to just go kick Nightmara’s ass. Billy likes that idea, until Pillow Fighter informs him that Nightmara can turn into basically any horrible creature she can think of. Still, the others apparently agree as they start to head out. First, we need to highlight Rockabye, the little baby pillow, who wants to go too, but Sweet Dreams informs her this mission is too dangerous and puts her in her cradle and rocks her to sleep. Before they can leave, Detective Peter Pillow returns (he was the inspector guy from earlier) and he’s also bringing a dog pillow guy with him because we need to advertise the Pillow People Pets! He’s bringing along Drowsy Dog because a narcoleptic canine is sure to be useful in tracking down an evil sorceress. At least the rest of the gang look bewildered at the thought of bringing these two clowns along.

If you hang out with the Sandman you have to be ready to cover your eyes at a moment’s notice.

Drowsy Dog, who walks like any other bipedal Pillow Person, leads them to a random spot on the ground and then goes to sleep. The detective seems to think this is all part of his plan, while Mr. Sandman thinks going to sleep is just a good idea. He tosses his magic sand in the air and Sweet Dreams is quick to remind everyone to cover their eyes unless they too want to fall into a deep slumber. Billy wonders how they’ll ever reach Noisy Canyon (that’s apparently where they’re going) at this rate, but Pillow Fighter tells him to cheer up and scoops up Mr. Sandman as they all just walk off apparently leaving Dr. Z behind, the coward. At no point does anyone speculate how long this journey is going to take. We’ve seen where Nightmara lives and it doesn’t look anything like Pillow Valley which leads me to believe it’s quite a haul. I guess they don’t have Pillow Trucks or planes.

Looks like Billy found a safe place to hide.

Well, wherever this place is it apparently wasn’t far because our…heroes…are already in Noisy Canyon. Billy is the first to note that it’s pretty quiet despite it’s name, but then of course it gets loud. He runs away screaming while the others try to tell him they’re just noises that can’t hurt him. Santa even calls after him to come back because they need his help to save Christmas. Just what are they relying on this kid for, exactly? Billy then runs into the other Noises in the Night and both sides are scared of the other. The Noises regroup and quickly realize what’s going, while Billy reunites with the others by running right into Santa’s big, red, ass. Peter Pillow takes the credit for this reunion because he sucks, while the others take this opportunity to remind Billy that noises can’t hurt him. It all goes back to the reason for the Pillow People’s creation. At least they’re good at staying on message.

If this were a 90s cartoon there would definitely be a piss joke here.

The group resumes it’s search for Nightmara’s castle by traversing Noisy Canyon. They’re soon confronted by the Noises once again who block their passage. Thunderclap, clearly the leader, tells them to turn back or else. When he’s challenged on the “or else” part, he does what his name implies: claps. A dark cloud appears over him and it crackles with lightning. Maybe we’re about to get some actual conflict?! Then the cloud rains and all it does is soak Thunderclap. Billy laughs at how lame he is and points out that noises can’t hurt him. And that apparently applies to the Noises in the Night.

The group is then shown walking once again. I guess once they realized the Noises couldn’t hurt them they just pushed past them? The orange glow of the background would suggest that they’re nearing the castle which was surrounded by lava. They are indeed there and as they approach the dragon maw entrance we can see Nightmara lurking above. Peter Pillow again takes credit for leading them here and suggests that he and Drowsy Dog will be able to deduce a way inside. The dog, to my surprise, actually appears to sniff out a loose brick in the wall. Peter Pillow pushes it, but rather than opening a secret entrance it opens a trap door and our heroes fall into a long, dark, chasm, possibly to their death. Well, I guess the pillows will be fine, but Santa and Billy might die. I guess if this pit is full of spikes then the pillows will die too. I doubt we’re that lucky.

Of course, no one dies and the group just lands in a jail cell of some kind. Around them are inanimate pillows. Are these the corpses of Pillow People who were locked up until death? No one seems unnerved by them, so I guess not. Nightmara enters to basically just laugh at everyone before disappearing causing Santa to turn to his apparent catchphrase once again of “Ho, ho, hopeless.” He’s really a downer. Pillow Fighter thinks he can punch his way out, but all that does is reveal he can’t even count to 4. Mr. Sandman wakes up and upon seeing that they’re locked in a dungeon basically says, “Screw this,” and tosses more sand in his eyes. Doing so gives Sweet Dreams the idea that maybe they can use the sand on Nightmara? Problem is, they first need to break out of this dungeon and to do that they’re going to need a diversion.

This inspector pillow is so damn useless.

And what is their diversion? A pillow fight! That’s why all of those pillow corpses are strewn about. The gang breaks into a fight and I’m curious what this will accomplish, but apparently the Noises in the Night are far dumber than expected. They come barging in to break up the fight for some reason, Nightmara too. These guys are seriously bad at being villains. They basically join in on the pillow fight and during the “melee” the Pillow People use the magic sand to put each of the Noises in the Night to sleep one by one. Sweet Dreams takes care of Window Rattler while Peter Pillow is left to take on the egg guy, who we find out is called Big Foot Steps. Only, Peter sucks at everything and tosses the sand at his nose causing Big Foot Steps to sneeze. By doing so, he blows sand into Peter’s eyes, who sneezes, and blows sand into the eyes of Big Foot Steps causing both to fall asleep.

The confrontation we’ve been waiting for?

Billy is left to take down Nightmara herself. She’s surprised to see that Billy has the courage to face her, but I guess she’s a lot like the noises or something so he’s fine. She’s also not very observant and seems to have no idea what Billy is up to. He doesn’t take any chances and tosses the entire pouch of sand in her face. At first she has no idea what’s going on, and this is actually a good chance for this thing to have a little fun with a character who has literally never experienced sleep before be overcome by it. It’s nothing special though. She and her raven basically just yawn and collapse in a heap. So much for that.

Somehow, the one that’s always sleeping is the most useful of the Pillow People.

With Nightmara down for the count, her magic treasure chest falls to the floor and breaks open. All of the presents she stole spring out and litter the castle. Some of them look absolutely massive, bigger than Santa! No one is apparently worried about getting these back to North Pillow and instead it just sort of happens. Fill in the blanks however you want, I guess. A rightly exhausted Santa is unsure of how he’s going to deliver all of the gifts in time since it’s practically Christmas morning. Mr. Sandman knows when he’s needed, and with a wink he’s off! The little guy rides a star through the early morning sky leaving a blanket of magic sand dust in his wake. We see kids rising out of bed and, for some reason, heading for their bedroom windows only to get hit with the sand and return to bed.

When Billy isn’t onscreen we should always be asking, “Where’s Billy?”

With the kids back in bed, Santa is free to deliver the presents. With his five trusty reindeer (boo!), he’s off and the Pillow People are coming along to help deliver the gifts. And Billy too. When they’re all done and gathered around a Christmas tree, Santa thanks the Pillow People and asks where’s Billy? That Billy is fast asleep in the corner. I guess they saved his house for last. They put him to bed and Sweet Dreams tells him, wait, I bet you can’t guess – “Sweet dreams, Billy.”

With Billy in bed the Pillow People depart. Soon, the early morning sun creeps through his bedroom window causing him to spring from his bed and run down to the tree. Everything is as it should be and Billy suspects it was all just a dream. A tap on the shoulder reveals it most certainly was not. Sweet Dreams is there and she has a special present for Billy. It’s basically a Santa Pillow People that Santa wanted him to have so that he’d always remember this night. The other Pillow People are there as well and give Billy a wave before they all depart. Billy’s parents enter and his dad takes note of the doll in his son’s hands and remarks that he finally caught Santa. Billy confirms that he did and says it was all thanks to the Pillow People! His parents look at each other with bewildered expressions and rightly so. Under the tree, a box moves out of the way and one of the little pillow guys pops out (40 Winks?), winks, and runs away.

Well, that was pretty terrible. A commercial masquerading as a Christmas special. I suppose it’s not a surprise to encounter such a thing, but this one is just so bad at disguising its true intentions. The part where Sweet Dreams just basically takes Billy on a tour of their products had me chuckling aloud – thanks Reagan! The whole concept of Pillow People is very boring to me. It was then, it is now. They’re not terrible, it’s just mind-boggling that they caught on in such a big way. I suppose I can applaud its commitment to the lore of basically being nightmare salves, but I always thought they were a bit creepy looking. Punky was okay for me because he had shades, but Sweet Dreams? She’s frightening. These things weren’t nightmare salves, they were nightmare fuel.

They tried so hard to make the ending cute.

Since this is a TMS production the look and animation is way better than it should be. It’s not impressive, by any means, but it’s far from awful. This thing probably cost more to make than the Garfield holiday specials. The art direction is a bit on the bland side. I was fine with Noisy Canyon and Nightmara’s castle, but Pillow Valley is like the home of the Care Bears, but even less interesting. The voice cast, on the other hand, is full of quality actors. Some were easy to pick out for me, like Cree Summer, others were not. Jim Cummings is in this one and I’m not sure who he is. Ken Samson, who played Rabbit in The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, was easy to pick out as Dr. Z. Russi Taylor is in this one too, but I’m not sure who she is. Maybe one of the babies? I don’t think she was Sweet Dreams. The most fun one could probably have with this special is watching it with a list of the voice actors in front of them and trying to figure out who voiced who.

And that’s really the only reason to watch it, other than sheer curiosity. The story sucks and it’s not entertaining. The music isn’t good and the animation is merely adequate. There aren’t any flourishes to the animation aside from the rotating, tracking, shots during the crappy song. It’s mostly just fine. If you ever had a Pillow People doll or saw one and wondered what was up with it, I guess this might answer some of your questions? If you’d rather not take my word for it and wish to see for yourself, you can find this thing online for free in various states of quality. I don’t know if this thing was ever released on VHS. I want to say “probably,” but I couldn’t find anything. I did find the Pillow People Santa so if you find yourself jealous of Billy’s Christmas present, you could get your very own. I don’t know why you would be though.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 18 – Batman: The Brave and the Bold – “Invasion of the Secret Santas!”

Come 2008, the DC Animated Universe had been dead for 2 years. Justice League Unlimited aired its final episode in 2006 bringing an end to something that had been ongoing since 1992. As I touched on earlier in this year’s countdown, the DCAU wasn’t something I was particularly invested in so it’s end went unnoticed…

by Joe December 18, 2023December 13, 2023

Dec. 18 – X-Men – “Have Yourself a Morlock Little X-Mas”

Today, The Christmas Spot temporarily alters it’s name to The X-Mas Spot. As a sort-of celebration for the animated series X-Men turning 30 this past Halloween we’re going to look at the show’s lone holiday special – “Have Yourself a Morlock Little X-Mas.” The show X-Men was a pretty serious affair as far as kid…

by Joe December 18, 2022December 15, 2022

Dec. 18 – The Legend of Prince Valiant – “Peace on Earth”

The early 90s saw an influx of cartoons produced solely with the intent to sell to cable networks. Previously, most cartoons were packaged from film or created for broadcast networks which would get the first run on major network affiliates and then gradually migrate to smaller stations. With cable becoming more affordable, it was fast…

by Joe December 18, 2021May 3, 2023

1 Comment | tags: christmas, christmas specials, forgotten christmas specials, irwin, Penny Ekstein-Lieberman, pillow people, plush toys, springs industries, tms, tokyo movie shinsha | posted in christmas, Television, toys

December 17, 2024

Dec. 17 – A Cosmic Christmas

By Joe

If you watched a lot of cartoons in the 80s and 90s then you probably remember Nelvana. Their cartoons, like many others, would end with their own production logo which was a polar bear, I think. It was all one color and white and since Nelvana is Canadian it would certainly make a lot of sense for that bear to indeed be a polar bear. That polar bear logo was conceived sometime in 1978 first appearing alongside the television special The Devil and Daniel Mouse. What most probably don’t know, or really even thought about, is that the polar bear logo wasn’t around for Nelvana’s very first animated television special which is the subject of today’s post.

A Cosmic Christmas is an animated television special first released in 1977. It was Nelvana’s first and was a production headed by co-founder Patrick Loubert and directed by fellow founder Clive A. Smith. It’s from the subgenre of Christmas specials where aliens come to Earth to experience the holiday, a subgenre that is often not utilized. It’s an original tale, and for this blog it’s a slightly more secular take on the holiday. Being that I did my growing up in the United States, A Cosmic Christmas isn’t something I ever encountered before. It’s animation is a bit crude and clearly dated with just a cursory look. That coupled with its original story and lack of recognizable characters probably gave this one a pretty short shelf life on television. Sometimes a company can strike gold with an original Christmas special (like Disney’s Prep & Landing), but most of the time the ones that hang around feature popular characters or adapt familiar stories.

This one doesn’t waste any time getting to the “cosmic” part.

That doesn’t mean that a production like A Cosmic Christmas is destined for failure or need to settle for mediocrity. Plenty of animated stories lack polish and are still well received, and an original tale is certainly better than yet another version of A Christmas Carol. This one begins with a very alien looking image. It’s apparently the navigation system for a spaceship and a wacky (for lack of a better word) sounding voice alerts us that this ship is nearing the planet Earth and that it’s December 24th.

There’s a bit of a Schoolhouse Rock vibe to the presentation.

We then cut to a crowded town setting. A young boy, Peter (Joey Davidson), is roaming the streets in search of someone named Lucy. There are quick cuts to very angry looking people, a woman ordering some clerk to wrap a gift faster while her poodle barks, and more abstract crowd images. The style is very flat, but colorful. The more abstract people are a solid color such as blue or purple while Peter is always drawn in detail. Though what detail there is to him is a bit limited to mostly just solid colors without shading. Sometimes there’s some cross-hatching added to the edges of models, but that’s it. The people are also moving in a squirmy sort of way. It’s not to the same degree as squiggle vision popularized by shows like Dr. Katz or early episodes of Home Movies, but it’s similar. I’m not sure if this is a stylistic choice or if the animation team just lacks experience and wasn’t able to properly time the animation. The audio is a bit loud, but not distorted. It’s certainly dated and lacking in polish, but the presentation isn’t altogether off-putting. I don’t know that I’d call it charming, but there is at least a unique element at play.

I wish we had more characters that looked as good as Santa Joe here, but he’s kind of it.

We soon find out that Lucy is not a person, but a goose. And it’s a goose that is wearing what looks like pink pajamas. Why? I don’t know, but don’t expect to find out. We then cut to a very tired looking individual dressed as Santa Claus (Martin Lavut). He’s ringing a bell and trying to raise money for the less fortunate. Peter comes running up to him and refers to him as Santa Joe. He asks him how’s it going and Joe replies not so well. Peter doesn’t have much to say in return, but wishes him a merry Christmas and takes off with his goose at his side. Some kids then show up to claim they’re the less fortunate he’s looking to help. They appear to be something akin to the local riff raff. They mock him, while the apparent leader of this troupe, Marvin (Greg Rogers), gets a little more face time. He’s an oddly designed character. He has shaggy bangs which his eyes are drawn over and these pants that sort of resemble bell bottoms (it was the 70s, after all) that are purple and covered in stars. The pants don’t really end in shoes though, a trait also shared by Peter. Compare him to Santa Joe who looks like a more conventional and real person, albeit stylized for a cartoon, and you would think they’re from two different productions.

This cop could not be bothered with stars on Christmas Eve.

Peter stops at a store window which has a nativity display in it. He just stares at it until a light catches his eye. It looks like a star and it’s reflected in the window back at him right where the Star of Bethlehem is in the display. Peter turns around and sees that the star is moving – it’s a spaceship! Nearby, the local chief of Police, Snerk (Marvin Goldhar), is writing a ticket and Peter races over to point out the weird object in the sky. The guy is apparently one of those very jaded cops who doesn’t believe much. He takes one look and finds nothing remarkable about a star in the sky. Other people in the street ignore the boy as well because who has time to turn their head?

These cartoon dust clouds must be a real pain. Do you think they’re on cartoon weather reports and stuff?

Someone else then calls out to Peter that they see it too, but when he turns his head he gets hit in the face with a snowball. It’s blue in color and more resembles the consistency of mud, but we’re dealing with limited animation here. The culprit was Marvin and he and his gang take to mocking Peter. They’re not very original as they all claim to be something they’re not (“Look Peter I’m a green martian and I’m gonna eat you!”) in a mocking, playful, way. None of them have any real zingers, and when the female taps the head of one of the other goons acting out her role as a fairy the kid throws himself back and lands on Lucy. This sets off a classic cartoon dust cloud brawl! The other guys jump into this entity as they apparently have some bone to pick with the goose. Peter cautiously approaches the cloud and yanks his goose out. The two run off leaving Marvin to glare at the pair because the goose bit his nose during the melee. They are now enemies.

If this scene is hinting at the goose being some sort of angel then that’s a swerve I’m here for. Let’s get weird!

Peter and Lucy run off into the woods and while the animation isn’t doing much for me, I will say the setting looks appropriately cold. Cold enough that I catch myself telling Peter to just go home assuming he has a home. He clearly is short on friends since he hangs around with a goose in pajamas. It’s time for a musical montage where we see Peter and Lucy doing winter things like making snow angels and looking at the stars, which is appropriate as the song would seem to be called something like “Why Don’t They Look to the Sky?” At least, the vocalist punctuates every verse with that question. I suppose now is a good time to mention that the music is credited to Sylvia Tyson and since the vocalist is feminine sounding, it may even be her that’s singing.

The song ends with Peter and Lucy coming upon that light again, only now it’s descending closer and closer to the Earth. There’s an actual attempt at lighting as this thing turns into a sphere. It’s probably the closest thing to special effects as we’re going to get as this circular object lands. It has an almost realistic texture as if this were a model, but it’s still very flat so if it is then it’s just paper. It turns all black and then the outline of a pentagon with rounded corners appears. It then falls like it’s made out of paper before forming into stairs. A pretty horrid sounding bit of synthesized music accompanies this dramatic reveal as the silhouettes of three tall individuals materialize in the glowing light.

Their robot resembling a sperm makes me think this is some alien mission to impregnate a human with some sort of evil, alien, spawn. I’m probably setting myself up for disappointment with that one.

Peter and Lucy are shown to be pretty alarmed by this as they cower behind a stump. The three individuals emerge and they’re animated in this very jittery fashion. They’re tall with two possessing long faces with the third featuring a rounded one and the colors in use for them are mostly of the cool variety – whites and blues. This weird little yellow android buzzes around them. He kind of looks like a robotic, yellow, sperm. Sperm-bot is apparently quite curious as it flutters around and soon finds Peter and Lucy. He make some noises and it’s clear that this thing was what we heard at the very beginning of the show. Peter and Lucy sort of awkwardly jump with fright and roll over the stump they had been hiding behind.

Could they be the three wise men and this whole time those guys were just aliens? Again, probably setting myself up for some disappointment.

Now that they’re no longer hidden, the three alien beings approach. The credits seem to list these individuals as Plutox (Lavut), Lexicon (Richard Davidson), and Amalthor (Duncan Regehr). I have no idea which is which and the sperm thing doesn’t appear to be credited anywhere as anything. Peter is understandably alarmed to be face-to-face with bonafide aliens, and he’s even more surprised to find out they both understand him and can speak English. One of them basically brushes this aside by saying they essentially know every language which is remarkably convenient. He then asks Peter “How do you do? I am fine,” which is something he’ll repeat a lot. They’re not here for any sort of nefarious reason (though that’s exactly what an alien out to destroy the planet probably would at first claim), but rather to observe. They’re sort of like the Galactic Inquisitor from The Venture Brothers and even kind of resemble that character. Perhaps these were an inspiration?

Not the most elaborate of spaceships, but I guess they prioritize function over form.

Anyway, they noticed something unusual appeared in the sky 2,000 years ago on this night. The one with the round face uses a whole bunch of nonsense words to describe the event while one of the others offers a more plain explanation for Peter’s benefit. In the process, he refers to the round-faced one as Plutox so we’ve at least figured out the name for one of these guys. Peter is only too cheerful to reveal they must be referring to the Star of Bethlehem. They have no idea what Peter is talking about so for as intelligent as these guys are, they apparently do not study otherworldly religions. They want to understand the meaning of this star, which Peter explains appeared when Jesus Christ was born and basically just says that he was a real important guy and leaves it at that. He name-drops Christmas and that’s what the focus of everyone shifts to: the meaning of Christmas.

George is quite flummoxed by this Christmas wreath.

Peter, being a rather helpful and enthusiastic kid, decides to take these three wise aliens to the same local store display we saw him staring at earlier. As the four look at the display once again, the store’s owner, George, emerges from the door. A bunch of stuff is apparently being held back by said door and as he exits a wreath gets stuck on his head. Another fellow approaches (I can’t find a credit for George or this unnamed guy that sounds like Droopy, but Nick Nichols is credited as a townie so maybe he’s one, both, or neither guy) with a “Gee George, did you see the alien spaceship?” George is really wrestling with this wreath that ended up over his head and is having an unusually hard time removing it. He’s pretty irritated and dismisses that so-called spaceship as some marketing blitz by a new store trying to run him out of business. The wreath then practically explodes giving him the appearance of a green, shaggy, beard with pinecones for a mouth. He storms off into the darkness presumably heading home for Christmas.

Here’s a character I didn’t need to meet: the mayor.

One of the aliens ask Peter if this is “love” and he has no response. We pan to a clock that shows it’s 8:30 as Peter leads the trio to the local town hall reasoning the people there know something about Christmas. There we meet the mayor (Chris Wiggins), a large man dressed like an ear of corn with hair that resembles sea kelp. We’ve already met the chief and he’s seen taking calls about the alien spaceship which he still seems doubtful of. The mayor is a bit more excitable and wants the chief’s entire force on the case, but he gave them the night off for Christmas. One of the aliens asks if this is Christmas as the mayor instructs the chief to go check it out. The chief agrees to do so, but casually remarks that they may come around here which causes the mayor to get startled. He decides to go with the chief instead as one of the aliens asks Peter if this is peace? The camera zooms in on his face and he looks worried, but really, what’s to be worried about? Wouldn’t you expect the local police to go check out an alien spaceship?

This kid may not have money, but he sure has style.

Peter then takes the group to a rundown looking house. He was drawn in by the sound of laughter, but when he looks through the window he sees Marvin and the other bullies inside. They’re basically mocking the wealthy by pretending to eat fancy dishes, even though they have nothing. The female of the group (Marian Waldman is credited as a townie, so maybe her?) mentions roast goose which gets Marvin’s attention. He sits up and pulls out what appears to be a switchblade, but it’s one of those novelty switchblade combs. What’s a poor kid doing with one of those stupid things? Anyway, he runs it through his hair and remarks how he’d love some roast goose. We cut to Lucy and sperm-bot looking horrified and disgusted at the thought, but it does leave me to wonder what Peter’s family has planned for Lucy. My own great-grandmother would raise pigs as if they were her pet, only for them to be slaughtered once fattened. It was a much harsher world back then.

This is a rather interesting pairing. I’m kind of curious to see where it goes.

As Lucy turns up her beak and walks away, little tears run down her face. One of the aliens asks if this is “caring” while Peter tries to convince Lucy that those kids were only kidding (nice try). The sperm bot then follows Lucy close behind and appears to really be sizing up her caboose as if it may be pondering what roast goose tastes like (in my experience, bad). Does this thing eat? Or is this just a fake-out? Or could it be a lustful gaze? Maybe that as we go into another musical bit. It’s a piano medley and as it goes along the robot demonstrates its ability to shapeshift. It even sprouts arms and legs and does a Michigan J. Frog type of dance. The robot looks almost longingly at Lucy and now I’m thinking it’s not looking to eat Lucy. Or, well, maybe it is in a different kind of manner. Lucy plays hard to get, but relents and the two dance together. They end by slamming butts together and having a hearty laugh. I am now rooting for this pair to become an item by the time this is over just for the sheer absurdity of it. Also, I’m left thinking it’s weird that this shape-shifting robot can apparently be anything, but it chooses to resemble a floating sperm.

Granny has some rather sage advice when it comes to Christmas, though her idea of what an eight year old boy would like for Christmas needs some work.

We next find the gang standing on a snowy hill which overlooks a small house. One of the aliens asks if they have finally come to find Christmas yet, and Peter explains they have one more place to check. We zoom in on the house and find it belongs to Peter’s family. His mother (Patricia Moffett) is setting up the tree which is this tiny, little, thing that hardly seems worth it. A voice from offscreen asks if she’s done yet which belongs to Peter’s father (Lavut) who dumps a bunch of wrapped gifts at the base of the tree. He then asks Granny (Jane Mallett) if she’s done making something. We pan to her and see she’s making an angel. It looks like a doll of some sort and I guess she’s making the clothes for it. She also demonstrates that its wings open and it would appear to be a gift for Peter. She refers to the pair as Walter and Martha, very boring parental names. Martha tells Granny she doesn’t need to make things for Christmas anymore – you buy them! Granny retorts that you can’t buy Christmas as she goes to place this angel on the mantle. I thought it was a tree topper. Walter wonders where Peter is and the two hope he hasn’t gotten involved with the space man rumors while Granny dismisses the whole thing as nonsense.

It’s been awhile since old Granny had a gentlemen caller so she’s practically salivating when the three men from Mars enter.

Peter then enters the home. He tells them he brought visitors and describes them as strangers in town. His parents are alarmed and his dad even angry that Peter would talk to strangers, but they’re soon taken aback when the three wise aliens enter. The tallest introduces himself in the same manner as he did with Peter while the others explain their mission. The parents are speechless, but Granny is wide-eyed with an “Oh my, men from Mars!” I think Granny is getting some ideas here. Sexy ideas. She then tells Peter to go get some firewood and he does as he’s told. Lucy tags along and when Peter removes some logs from the pile some evil looking eyes are shown to be lurking behind. Lucy is shown just standing there and looking around, then the weird, little, robot comes up behind her and blows a raspberry at her ass scaring her. What is up with this thing? First it wants to eat her, then it wants to mate with her, and now it wants to torment the poor goose? This thing sucks!

When ghostly gingerbread men start emerging from your pipe, maybe it’s time to drop the habit?

Back inside, Peter adds the logs to the poorly animated fire and asks his grandmother to explain what Christmas was like in the old days. She chuckles and takes a seat with her knitting and explains how her dad used to get a big tree and they’d decorate it with homemade ornaments. One of the alien men then remarks, “You mean, like this?” Round faced guy’s face then glows and a bunch of stars emerge. They form a large light as another song begins, this one a somber tune about the passage of time. The light comes together and forms the shape of a tree. A bunch of ornaments and decorations come into being carried by turtle doves and ribbon as the tree is magically decorated. There are angels and gingerbread men dancing and one even emerges from the dad’s pipe. As they flitter about the tree, Granny also remarks how they always had a big, silver, star for the top of the tree, so naturally one appears. She goes on to add that branches of fir would be placed on the mantle, so they too appear along with a skinny looking rabbit. He’s pretty alarmed to find himself here and jumps off giving everyone a laugh. Granny then talks about the food her mother would prepare, so that appears as well. These alien dudes are pretty convenient to have around. The creations are all animated in a wavy manner so perhaps these are just apparitions.

Someone felt we really needed to see what became of the rabbit, who apparently wasn’t an apparition like the other stuff.

The sound of Lucy honking outside ends the sequence. All of that stuff disappears so I guess these guys are just big teases. Peter runs outside to check on Lucy, but the goose is gone and hopefully not cooked. Peter gets there just in time to see Marvin taking off on his bike with the goose. Everyone in the house gives chase, except for the aliens. Well, the little robot chases after Marvin, but perhaps is not permitted to interfere because it seems like it would be easy for the robot to stop the bike, but it chooses not to. Marvin rides over a rabbit hole and the bunny we saw on the mantle earlier pops his head out. When the robot goes by it knocks him over. He dizzily lifts his head up and just manages to duck under Peter. He then pops up, now bruised for some reason, sporting a top hat and suitcase apparently done with living in this particular hole.

When the police chief puts on his siren hat, you know shit is about to get real.

At the spaceship, the mayor, chief, and other townsfolk have gathered around. The chief has a megaphone and is ordering the aliens to come out. When nothing happens, a rather dimwitted townie remarks that maybe they don’t have ears? The mayor gets angry at this suggestion and gets all in this guy’s face for making a perfectly valid suggestion. The chief announces that he’s going to count to ten, and the mayor gets all giddy and decides that he’ll do the same. I don’t like this guy. As the chief counts, the mayor looks absolutely terrified. Marvin them goes zooming through the crowd and few seem to take notice. Then Peter runs by shouting for everyone to stop him and the chief kind of cocks his head. When Peter’s dad runs by shouting “Thief!” then the chief springs into action! He quickly abandons the alien spaceship thing, puts a siren on his head like he’s Inspector Gadget, and takes off. The rest of the townies follow leaving the mayor all alone. When he realizes that everyone left he too runs off, but once he’s a safe distance away from the ship finishes counting to ten.

Hey, at least he’s trying. Nice to see the kid doesn’t seem to think goose-napping is worthy of a death sentence.

Everyone is now chasing after Marvin, including Granny who at some point acquired a snowboard. Marvin’s run from Peter’s family ends on a frozen lake where, wouldn’t you know, the kid crashes through the ice. Lucy is able to fly to safety, but poor Marvin is stuck in the water. Peter, always the good kid, doesn’t hesitate to run to Marvin’s aid. He unfortunately can’t get the boy out and soon he too falls through the ice. We’ve also added thunder and lightning to heighten the drama. Sperm robot decides to get involved and blows itself up like a balloon. Peter tries to grab on, but then the robot lets all the air out and does exactly as a balloon would when the same happens to it. This thing can shapeshift into anything, was a balloon really the most helpful?

“I think we should help the humans rescue the children.” “Aww, but I wanted to see them drown!”

By now, the rest of the townies are at the edge of the pond. The ice is cracking under their weight so the chief announces that they need to form a chain. Everyone grabs hands, with the mayor being safely the furthest away from danger because he sucks, but the problem is there isn’t enough of them to reach the kids. Now we have a dilemma. The aliens, who are sworn to only observe and report, must ponder if they should get involved. As the humans call out for help, they ponder the meaning of help, and arrive at the proper definition. The brown-faced one decides that perhaps by helping they can understand the meaning of Christmas. The other one reminds him that they aren’t supposed to get involved and in doing so calls him Amalthor, so we have finally figured out who is who. Not that I’ll remember.

These guys are so hard to screen grab because of how they’re animated. I give up.

The other two seem to follow Amalthor’s lead and join the chain. When the chief called on them to help, he had no idea who they were, but now everyone can see that they are the aliens. No one recoils or tries to run and the three wise aliens grasp hands with the humans which allows Amalthor to reach Peter and Marvin. Once the boys are safe, the mayor tries to basically take credit for the rescue, but once he comes face to face with Amalthor (who, once again, asks “How do you do?”) he faints.

Let’s hope the aliens aren’t relying on this guy to teach them the meaning of Christmas.

Now, the mob turns its gaze to Marvin. While people are asking Peter if he’s all right and draping coats over his shoulders, Marvin is left shivering in the cold. They call him no good and want him thrown in jail for stealing the goose. Lexicon interrupts to ask why the boy wanted the goose? He is answered by shouts of the kid being no good, but granny sticks up for him and offers the most logical explanation: because he was hungry. Now it’s Plutox’s turn to be confused for he doesn’t understand why a child would be left to go hungry at Christmas. Granny explains it’s because they lost sight of what’s important, and in doing so, lost the meaning of Christmas. Peter then does the only logical thing and extends an invite to Marvin to join his family for Christmas. Marvin is skeptical, but Peter’s mom reassures him that they’d love to have him. The other townsfolk start offering up food and decorations and someone has even placed a blanket on Marvin. The chief then asks if there are any more questions (surprisingly, he’s not insisting on locking up the delinquent) and Amalthor confirms there are none. They now understand Christmas.

I was hoping something would jump out of his pipe again. Maybe that rabbit?

Back at Peter’s house, everyone has gathered for a big Christmas party. Marvin’s friends are there, and even the rabbit who nearly got squished shows up. The other riff raff kids are shown fixing a giant sandwich, while that flying robot still seems intent on tormenting Lucy. Or sleeping with her. I don’t know, but they share food with each other and it’s almost a Lady and the Tramp spaghetti moment. Peter’s grandma hands him the angel she made which he in turn gifts to Amalthor. I knew he wouldn’t like that thing. The girl from Marvin’s gang rather seductively asks to see the chief’s badge. I don’t know why she needed to ask in such a manner since he has no reaction to basically anything or anyone, he just hands it over and Peter places it atop a massive tree. Where it came from, who knows, but it certainly isn’t the tree his mother setup. Santa Joe then arrives to wish the kids who were constructing the massive sandwich a merry Christmas and to remind them to help the less fortunate. He being the less fortunate as he makes off with their sandwich.

Peter’s mom then asks where the boys went? Well Martha, I think we’re about to find out. Peter’s dad pokes his head out the door to find Peter, Marvin, and Lucy standing in the yard. An instrumental version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas” is our soundtrack and man is that song way better without words. The boys are watching the spaceship take off and they’re soon joined by Peter’s parents and Granny. As they watch it rise into the night sky, it takes on the form of the angel granny made. Then the wings sprout out from it and we can hear Peter calling “Thank you” to the alien lifeforms onboard. The mayor and chief are out there as well and as the mayor nudges the chief we see he’s actually crying at the beautiful sight. The mayor waves and calls out “Merry Christmas, whoever you are!” The camera pulls back to show all of the gathered folks outside, as the spaceship contracts and takes on the form of a star once again and that’s how it ends.

If you’re going to do a crowd shot, always a good idea to set the camera far back so you don’t have to draw-in all of the details.

A Cosmic Christmas is certainly a unique experience. The animation is so rough and oddly timed that it definitely has its own feel. A lot of the characters feel like archetypes and simple ones at that so it’s hard to really feel much for them. I wasn’t invested in the quest of the three aliens, clearly stand-ins for the three wise men, nor did I feel any worry for Lucy. This is the kind of story that has some rather predictable beats to it, but so are a lot of Christmas stories.

There was an attempt by Nelvana to make this a more secular holiday special. It doesn’t really dive too deep there as it basically just name drops Jesus and makes a few Bible references and leaves it at that. The message just becomes one of focusing on what truly matters. It’s not the gifts, parties, decorations, or anything like that. Christmas is a time to reflect and appreciate each other. To take care of one another. In an era where we have priests overseeing mega churches that flaunt their incredible wealth I suppose it doesn’t hurt to be reminded that we should be looking out for the less fortunate and not ignoring them. Or worse, condemning them.

A thirsty grandmother and a robot lusty for goose ass was not on my bingo card going into this one, but I guess they should have been.

The attempts at humor in this one weren’t particularly successful. Almost all of them revolved around the robot character which I grew to dislike. The thing is just pointless. It’s not funny or interesting and feels forced. As does the goose. Marvin could have stolen anything, though I suppose it adds to the drama if the thing is something living. Peter is even shown to have a cat, but I guess he prefers hanging out with the goose. The mayor character also felt forced upon us and is another I could do without. He had an arche, but not one that really had time to feel meaningful.

I’m left with lukewarm feelings on A Cosmic Christmas. I have no nostalgia for it, but I’m guessing for people that do it’s something they return to annually. It’s not bad or anything, it just fits into that mid tier Christmas special ranking. I grew up on ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas from Rankin Bass and I can appreciate it on that level, but I probably wouldn’t think much of it if I saw it for the first time in my 40’s. Though I will go to bat for the songs in that one always. The songs in this particular special are just okay. No bangers, but nothing that’s offensive to the ears.

If you want to view A Cosmic Christmas for yourself, then it probably comes as no surprise that it can be found very easily online. According to Wikipedia, the last physical release of this thing came on VHS so you can imagine how protective of this thing Nelvana is today. I can’t really recommend it for those looking for a hidden gem, but if you feel like you just need something different this holiday season then you could certainly do worse than A Cosmic Christmas.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 17 – We Bare Bears – “Christmas Parties”

This year, I’ve taken some time out to watch Christmas episodes of shows I’m pretty unfamiliar with. This is yet another one of those posts, only with this show I did make an attempt to get into it. A mild one. We Bare Bears is a show created by Daniel Chong that aired on Cartoon…

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by Joe December 17, 2023December 13, 2023

Dec. 17 – Peace on Earth (1939)

Hugh Harman was one of the early stars in the field of animation. In fact, we talked about one of his shorts already this year, but perhaps his most famous and most celebrated is the 1939 anti-war film Peace on Earth. According to Harman, the short subject was nominated for The Nobel Peace Prize, but…

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by Joe December 17, 2022December 14, 2022

Dec. 17 – Popeye the Sailor – “Spinach Greetings”

One of the big, early, cartoon stars was Popeye the Sailor. Popeye starred in newspaper strips, radio plays, and theatrical shorts with contemporaries like Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny. His star has faded over the years, but few would deny Popeye’s place among the greatest cartoon stars of all-time. Come the 1960s though, Popeye and…

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by Joe December 17, 2021May 3, 2023

1 Comment | tags: a cosmic christmas, animation, canadian television, cbc television, christmas, christmas cartoons, christmas specials, clive a. smith, nelvana, patrick loubert | posted in christmas, Television

December 16, 2024

Dec. 16 – The Cleveland Show – “A Cleveland Brown Christmas”

By Joe

We’ve taken a look at a lot of animated sitcoms this year and so far they’ve all been repeat visitors to The Christmas Spot. It feels like it’s time for something new, though it has a very familiar feel. The Cleveland Show is a 2009 spin-off of Family Guy created by Seth MacFarlane, Richard Appel, and Mike Henry. Spin-offs of animated shows are quite rare, but Fox must have been so pleased with Family Guy and American Dad! at the time that another MacFarlane animated show was needed. Never mind that The Simpsons helped build the Fox network and never got a spin-off. Simpsons creator Matt Groening had to practically beg them to let him do Futurama, which Fox treated even worse than it did Family Guy in its original run.

Taking the soft spoken and mild mannered character of Cleveland Brown (Mike Henry) and giving him his own show felt like an odd move at the time. The character did have a divorce angle in Family Guy which left him a single parent and perhaps made him too similar to Quagmire. Whatever the reason, the decision was made to take Cleveland and move him out of Quahog and down to his hometown of Stoolbend, Virginia. There he reconnects with an old friend from high school, Donna (Sanaa Lathan), sparks fly and they get married, and Cleveland inherits two step-children: the teenaged Roberta (Reagan Gomez-Preston) and preschooler Rallo (Henry). Also in tow is Cleveland Jr. (Kevin Michael Richardson) who was previously depicted as an elementary school-aged boy with a very hyperactive personality. Now, he’s 14, overweight, and speaks slowly and is, for all intents and purposes, a completely different character from what we saw on Family Guy.

I guess it’s better than The Quagmire Show.

That’s the premise of the show: a dad, a mom, and three kids consisting of two boys and a girl with the girl being the oldest. All that’s missing is a talking dog and you basically have the Griffin family, which is probably why Cleveland has a talking bear for a neighbor. The show is also referred to as a Black Sitcom because the family is quite obviously black. Only, the three co-creators of the show as well as the voice of Cleveland are all very much not black. The late 2000s was probably the last time a show could get away with this. Most of the writers appear to be non-black as well. The show did at least cast people of color to play most of the new roles, but even Henry was still handed Rallo. And no, having Kevin Michael Richardson voice white character Lester doesn’t make up for that.

The Cleveland Show has long since been cancelled and is mostly looked at now as a failure. That’s probably way too harsh a word to describe a show that ran for four years and totaled 88 episodes. It’s ratings were solid for the first two seasons, but if you’re not The Simpsons then Fox has a tendency to jerk you around when it comes to time slots. The Cleveland Show got kicked around the Sunday night lineup, probably being the chosen show to suffer most if baseball or football ran too long. Ratings slipped in the third season and basically continued to decline through the end of the fourth season. Fox initially seemed open to bringing it back for a fifth season, but the show was eventually cancelled and the Brown family packed their bags and moved to Rhode Island to rejoin the cast of Family Guy. Not a bad fallback plan, all things considered.

Personally, I didn’t really care that much for The Cleveland Show. I gave it a shot when it first premiered, but honestly don’t recall how many episodes I actually watched. I didn’t think it was terrible, it just felt too similar to Family Guy. It does at least feature a cast that seems to like each other. Or at least, they want to like each other and, in turn, want to be liked. The Griffin family is basically self-admitted trash and kind of hate each other. Cleveland is at least trying to figure out how to be a good father to his new step kids while also being a good husband to Donna. There’s more heart here so from that angle I can definitely understand why someone might actually like The Cleveland Show a lot more than they do Family Guy, though in general, I think if you like one then you’ll probably like the other. Perhaps with Cleveland, we’re less likely to get a bunch of suicide jokes.

Even on Cleveland’s show, Meg still gets treated like shit.

One compliment I can levy at the show is that it has an earworm of a theme song. It’s reminiscent of an 80s children’s cartoon in that the song basically lays out the plot. It’s sung by Cleveland who just sounds really tickled by the idea that he has his own show. Unfortunately, this being a Christmas episode we don’t get to hear it. Instead, the show opts for a holiday title card set to Christmas music which is Cleveland singing “Here Comes Santa Claus.” Normally, this is something I very much endorse when it comes to Christmas specials, but I was kind of looking forward to hearing the song since I so rarely watch the show.

The tree lust is weird, but it’s kind of sweet that Cleveland and Donna seem to be really into each other.

When the intro is finished we open on a tree lot. Lester, his wife Kendra (Aseem Batra), and son Ernie (Glenn Howerton) are all trying to attract customers to what I suppose is their lot. Lester is a typically designed redneck type while Kendra is a morbidly obese woman on a motor scooter and they live next door to the Browns. Kendra tries luring in customers by urging them to get a tree so that their neighbors don’t mistake them for Muslims. We then find Cleveland and Donna looking over a tree. Cleveland is excited for their first Christmas together and wants to get a perfect tree. He’s eyeballing this one for it is full on top and has a big old bottom. When he turns to ask Donna for her approval she adds “Don’t forget bushy in the front!” This seems to excite Cleveland who starts grinding on the tree and mimes like he’s slapping a big ole booty while quoting Sir Mix-a-Lot with “My anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun!” Donna appears to be getting pretty excited too and warns her husband she may just jump in there to make it a “tree way.” These two really like trees.

Cleveland is right to dislike the tree, though his reasoning is beyond suspect.

Rallo interrupts the festivities by kicking his step dad in the shin. Apparently Rallo is used to being the one who picks out the tree and Donna confirms as much saying she let him do it after his dad, Robert (Corey Holcomb), bailed on the family. Cleveland begrudgingly accepts this, until Rallo shows him the tree he has selected. It’s an itty, bitty, little tree about the size of what Charlie Brown would select, though far less sickly. Cleveland is not impressed and he picks it up by the tip and remarks how it’s not full enough for him comparing it to an Asian or a little boy or a little Asian boy. That’s pretty gross. Cleveland then goes into his “My anaconda don’t want none,” routine with this tree, but stops in the middle declaring that he feels ridiculous. He should feel like a scumbag since he just compared this tree to a little Asian boy and then tried to slap its…”ass.” Cleveland declares they’re getting the tree he likes so Rallo goes low in return: by comparing him to his real dad. We also learn that Rallo thinks his dad works for the FBI and that’s why he’s too busy to come around and see him. Cleveland asks Donna if this is really the story she had fed Rallo about his daddy and she confirms it. When Cleveland starts to protest, she kicks him in the shin causing him to cry out, “Ow! Bitch!” I said this show had more heart than Family Guy, but I suppose I should stress that it’s no less crude.

Unlike *American Dad!, The Cleveland Show* is going to embrace the cut-away joke.

At the Brown house, Cleveland and Donna are getting some decorations out of the attic while the conversation from the tree lot continues. Cleveland can’t understand why Donna would lie to her son about his dad being an FBI agent unless FBI stands for “Freeloading Booze Idiot.” Cleveland laughs at himself for the joke he just made on the spot while Donna explains that it was better than the truth. Plus, her ex came up with the lie and she just went along with it. She says that she’ll tell the boy when he’s old enough to understand and, honestly, it’s not the worst idea I’ve ever heard. Cleveland concludes that sometimes a lie is better than the truth, then he sets up a classic Family Guy cutaway complete with “Like that one time…” And the joke is he encountered the star of Entourage, Adrian Grenier (though not voicing himself), on an airplane and, I guess, he was going to not point out how he doesn’t look like a movie star, but did anyway. It’s basically a stock joke at this point.

Why, it looks like one of Stewie’s sexy parties!

It’s time for a company Christmas party! Cleveland has taken the family to the home of his boss, Mr. Waterman (Bruce McGill), who owns the Waterman Cable company which proudly boasts that it’s a monopoly as its slogan. Mr. Waterman is also quite likely to be a homosexual as we see right away that the staff for his holiday party are a bunch of a shirtless muscle dudes in reindeer antlers. Rallo calls attention to these fellas and Cleveland tries to explain his boss’s orientation in a more roundabout way, but Rallo just asks “Oh, is he a gay?” Cleveland confirms as much and Rallo just points out that his boss knows how to celebrate Christmas better than Cleveland.

The Watermans make everything uncomfortable.

Cleveland growls and grabs a flute of champagne from one the serving trays and chugs it, then giggles because the bubbles tickle. The family is then approached by Mr. Waterman and his wife, Lydia (Stockard Channing), who looks a little tipsy already. Waterman sees the Brown family and announces to “hide the silver!” It’s a joke because they’re the only all black family in attendance. He says he’s just kidding then matter-of-factly states “It’s already hidden.” Lydia introduces herself as Lloyd Waterman’s wife and Cleveland laughs in response. He then says to Donna that this is already better than the last homosexual’s Christmas party he went to. It’s a setup for another cut-away, and if you’re a Family Guy regular, you already know who Cleveland is talking about. We’re taken a home where the old man, Herbert (Richardson), is singing “Silent Night” while dressed as Mary in front of a group of young boys and Cleveland. It’s very uncomfortable. When Cleveland tries to leave, Herbert angrily orders him to sit back down and continues the song because you know the writers need him to say the line about virgins. Which he does, and the uncomfortable scene soon ends. I do not like this joke, not because I’ve never laughed at a Herbert joke, but the setup is basically equating homosexuality with pedophilia which is bullshit.

If Fred Flintstone can do it, then so can you, Cleveland.

Back at the party, Waterman asks Cleveland for a favor. He then asks if he remembers a Fred Peterson. Cleveland confirms that he does and then Waterman informs him that he’s not here, but usually he plays Santa at this party. And why isn’t he there this Christmas? He killed himself – I should have known! Waterman then adds that Peterson also raped a bunch of people which shocks Cleveland. A suicide joke, plus a rape joke – they’re topping Family Guy at this point. Cleveland agrees and then Waterman quickly adds that Peterson raped old ladies so that Cleveland can be shocked again. He then takes him to try on the suit, but the beard has seemingly been misplaced. Waterman cries out, “Where’s my beard?” and his wife sidles up to say “Here I am.” Hah!

Waterman may be rich, but he ain’t eight reindeer rich.

We then find Donna and Roberta at a buffet and they run into Tim (the bear, voiced by MacFarlane) and his wife Arianna (also a bear, voiced by Arianna Huffington), and there’s clearly some hostility between she and Donna given how Donna greets her. That’s only amplified when Arianna says she could see her daughter’s cleavage from across the room, which is Tim’s cue to get the hell away from that conversation. Then one of the reindeer men gets everyone’s attention and throws open some doors to reveal Santa Cleveland arriving on a one reindeer open sleigh. Roberta is both shocked and a little impressed that there’s an actual reindeer and asks Lydia if her husband rented it. She confirms that, no, he actually owns it. When Roberta points out how crazy it is to have a living being you only parade around a bunch of people one day a year Lydia sarcastically remarks “I can’t imagine how that feels.”

Rallo, on the other hand, is very impressed that Waterman landed Santa for his party. He’s so eager to sit on the big man’s lap he even shoves a little girl down just to get to Santa. Cleveland seems to enjoy having his youngest step child seek his attention for a chance, until Rallo starts trashing him. Cleveland, as Santa, tries to assure Rallo that his step dad is just doing his best, but Rallo politely tells Santa that, no, Cleveland just sucks at Christmas causing Cleveland to call out to one of the reindeer men (“Hey, Prancer!”) to leave an entire tray of eggnogs by his chair. Meanwhile, Roberta is outside livestreaming herself preparing to set the reindeer free. She thinks it’s cruel to keep such a creature locked away 364 days out of the year, plus she wants to get the attention of Tyra Banks and views this as the gateway to her becoming the Gayle to Tyra’s Oprah. Then she adds, “Without the sexual obligations.” A bit of a dated joke even by 2009 standards. We then see Cleveland Jr. setting the reindeer free, and immediately upon doing so the reindeer just thrashes him a whole bunch and runs off.

Back inside, Cleveland has just about finished off all of the eggnogs while Rallo is still sitting on his lap trashing him. He imitates him in a humorous way, and since Mike Henry voices both characters Rallo’s impression is spot on, but Cleveland still angrily retorts “I bet that sounds nothing like him!” Rallo, not sensing Santa’s hostility in the least, then moves onto the subject of his real father. Cleveland can’t stand to hear this kid slander him (especially his moustache) while worshiping a deadbeat dad instead so he uses the opportunity to drop some truth on poor Rallo about his dad. Rallo immediately looks like he’s about to burst into tears while Cleveland gets a death stare from Donna. He turns to the camera and breaks the fourth wall to ask “How am I gonna get out of this one?” before telling us to come back after some loud and off-putting messages. And since I am watching this on Hulu with ads, I can confirm that everything about said messages was very off-putting since the Hulu app on Roku is a horrible piece of shit and the ads seem to break it all of the time. I refuse to give them more money to go ad free though, because that would be rewarding them for their shitty practices.

Rallo is a little asshole, but I do feel sympathy for him.

Following those off-putting messages, we find the Brown family back at home. Donna is trying to soothe her son as he lays in bed while Cleveland pounds water, clearly still feeling the effects of the eggnog. Donna has to come clean about Rallo’s dad and the lie apparently went pretty far with Donna even faking letters to Rallo. He can’t believe his mother would lie to him like that, but the two just leave him to go to sleep. We cut to a Christmas pageant and some kid is doing a performance of “Gloria.” It’s very…theatrical. Apparently, this is Wally (Will Forte) and the Fluffers. Anyway, we’re here because Rallo is supposed to read his letter to Santa Claus which goes, “Dear Santa, Fuck you and fuck Christmas!” Arianna, in the audience, turns to her husband and says “That’s what you get when you put a Jew in charge of a Christmas pageant.” Rallo had been introduced by a very Jewish woman (Alex Borstein) and I am to assume that she was the one who organized this. Arianna is a pretty awful bear.

Looks like the family will be counting on Cleveland to save Christmas. Who could have seen that coming?

Back at home, Donna is laying the blame for Rallo’s offensive letter at the feet of her husband. He counters by saying it’s her fault for lying to him while Roberta announces she’s just happy that the lie is over. She then reveals that it was her job to call Rallo and pretend she’s their dad. She does her impression of him and they dub her with the actual voice actor for Robert, Cory Holcomb, for comedic effect. Cleveland then takes responsibility anyway and vows to help Rallo rediscover the Christmas spirit. Roberta, still speaking as Robert, praises him for standing up for Rallo, but then also calls him dough boy. He can’t win.

Rallo is not emotionally mature enough to be angry with his father so he’s going to take it out on Santa.

Cleveland, in a bid to cheer up Rallo, takes him to the local mall. There’s a giant, toy, train display that he thinks might do the trick on account of it not being as depressing as the real railroad industry. Rallo just sees a stuffed Santa “driving” the train and wants blood. He grabs the doll and referring to Santa as “A waste of a life,” holds him down in the path of another oncoming train. It strikes the doll, which has a frightened expression upon seeing the train, causing a derailment. The doll and train crash through a pile of fake snow and collide with another train resulting in a fiery explosion. A bunch of toy first responders arrive quickly on the scene and it even goes into a full-on toy news broadcast. What the hell is going on?

Following the odd tangent, we find Cleveland with his friends Lester, Timothy, and Holt (Jason Sudeikis) at The Broken Stool bar. Outside, we see the escaped reindeer from Waterman’s party chasing some random guy in the street. The boys apparently had a secret Santa thing and Lester has gifted Cleveland a bunch of plain, old, ordinary, pens. Lester saw him using a pen once and assumed he would like enjoy them. Cleveland takes it all in stride, despite the disappointment on his face. Cleveland had Holt and he gives him a can of some Red Bull private reserve which causes him to get very emotional. Holt takes off to enjoy his present while Cleveland turns to Timothy and Lester for help with Rallo. Timothy tells Cleveland the only thing that will help the child at this point is for his father to be there with him on Christmas. Cleveland agrees and feels the need to point out that the most human among them is a bear before gathering up his pens and leaving quietly, for some reason.

Cleveland and his boy need to go see a therapist.

Back at the Brown household, Cleveland is putting his biological son to bed. He tells him he’s lucky to have a dad and shares his plan to find Robert so Rallo can have a dad on Christmas too. They’re having a nice little conversation where Cleveland is showing genuine affection for his boy. Then he makes it weird by continually stroking his face and pointing out that his son went from being an eager and excited toddler to a fat kid who can’t play baseball worth a damn! He points out that Cleveland Jr. still writes letters to Santa Claus at 14 and is especially angry that he’s just laying back and taking this abuse from his own father. His mood then immediately brightens as he says, “Okay! Now I’m going to go find Rallo and Roberta’s dad!” Why? Why do we have to make Cleveland a horrible, emotionally abusive father like Peter? Why?

As Cleveland prepares to get in his car to go find Robert, Donna approaches to tell him that she doesn’t want him taking off to go find Robert on Christmas Eve. Cleveland challenges her to try and stop him so she hits him with a stun gun. Cleveland collapses to the ground and lets out a few farts as he passes out. We get a “30 Minutes Letter” title and Cleveland is shown stirring. Donna tells him to just buy Rallo’s love like a normal step dad, but Cleveland vows to get Rallo the only present that can restore his faith in Christmas: his father. Then his eyes widen and he says, “What the hell?” We pan to find the reindeer from earlier has climbed a ladder and is peeping on the neighbors. Inside, Timothy and Arianna are naked in bed getting intimate. Timothy doesn’t see the reindeer, but Arianna does. She locks eyes with the beast and licks her lips and growls softly at him clearly getting a charge out of this reindeer watching.

I guess this fella is just happy to have someone come hang out with him on Christmas Eve and make him laugh.

It’s time for a holiday montage! Cleveland needs to peruse the seedy underbelly of Stoolbend to find Robert while a crooner version of “Sleigh Ride” provides the soundtrack. It sounds like it’s Lou Rawls. His first stop is the morgue where a helpful fella dressed as an elf is happy to show him a corpse that might be Robert. Cleveland snaps a photo of it with his cell phone and sends it to Donna. We see her wake up and look at it while Cleveland uses the corpse like a marionette much to the amusement of the elf guy. When Donna apparently texts back that it’s not Robert, the mortuary worker angrily slams the corpse back into the…cooler?.. and Cleveland moves on.

They’re probably okay with having reindeers inside, this one probably just doesn’t have any money.

His next stop is a place called Spanxxx Gentlemen’s Club where the “Gentlemen” is ironic. Before Cleveland can enter, the door swings open and a bouncer appears tossing out the reindeer. He lands in the street, spits on the ground, and moves on with his night. Cleveland has mostly no reaction. Inside, Cleveland shows a picture of Robert to one of the strippers who points out Robert about to duck into a private room with another woman. Cleveland holds out a bill as thanks and the woman’s thighs begin to shiver and so too does the bill. It jumps into her thong with the power of stripper Force! Cleveland just smiles uneasily and backs away.

Cleveland is going to find out if it’s possible to appeal to a deadbeat’s sense of decency.

Cleveland then enters the room Robert ducked into with the other stripper. Robert is most certainly not happy to see Cleveland here interrupting his lap dance. Cleveland gets the stripper to leave by telling her the Atlanta Falcons just entered. Cleveland tells Robert he wants to bring him home for Christmas to cheer up Rallo, but Robert isn’t interested. He points out how it could be worse and shares a story about Brian Wilson’s dad making him take a crap in a box under the Christmas tree. Cleveland is horrified to hear this, but unmoved. He tells Robert that he’s going to dress as Santa and deliver him to Rallo for Christmas and if he won’t do it then he isn’t worth the box that Brian Wilson may have dropped a little deuce coupe in! Terrific wordplay, Cleveland. I would guess the writers thought up a poop joke from “Little Deuce Coupe” and wrote backwards, but Brian Wilson did claim his dad made him shit on a plate as a form of abuse so it’s hard to say what truly inspired this joke. At any rate, Robert isn’t impressed and leaves. Another stripper pops her head out from behind the wall to tell Cleveland she thought what he had to say was very beautiful. He thanks her, then adds a “Murray Christmas, whore,” which is perhaps his most Peter Griffin line of the episode.

This will definitely make everything right.

It’s Christmas morning at the Brown house and Rallo has just descended the stairs to find his siblings opening their stockings. Donna calls him over to open a present, but Rallo is clearly still depressed. He opens a gift to find the Slinky he asked Santa for, but he just remarks how it makes him think of the old Rallo who thought a new toy could cure anything. As Rallo hangs his head and walks away, Cleveland comes bursting through the door dressed as Santa! Cleveland Jr. runs up and gives him a hug crying out “Santa!” Cleveland just accepts the hug with a grimace while crying out “You’re 14 years old!” Santa then approaches Rallo to apologize for what he said. He pulls Rallo’s little tree out his sack and presents it to him, but that isn’t going to work on Rallo. He throws the tree into the fireplace where it burns in an instant!

Everyone knows a kid who thinks the world of their dad even if the rest of the world can see the man for what he really is.

Cleveland hangs his head in shame, but then another Santa shows up! Cleveland Jr. thinks a warlock has cursed Christmas, but it’s just Robert ripping off Cleveland. Rallo is confused at first, but then Robert removes his beard to reveal it’s him and Rallo runs to him with open arms. Robert scoops him up, calls him “Rollo” by mistake, and then tells him he received some good advice the night before about where he belonged today. Saying that he needs to “see his sperms on Christmas,” he turns to Roberta and asks, “What’s up, Rwanda?” She just says “Merry Christmas, dad,” but in an irritated manner and with her back turned towards him, but Robert doesn’t seem to care. He then tries to tell “Rocko” the truth, but because he’s a lying scumbag, he ends up telling Rallo he can’t come around and see him because he’s Santa Claus!

Time for the customary Christmas sing-a-long!

The rest of the family is shocked as Donna had even remarked that Cleveland appeared to get through to Robert, but clearly he did not. Rallo accepts this lie at face value. He then turns his attention to Cleveland as he hasn’t figured it out yet. He yanks off the beard and seems surprised to find Cleveland under there, but then not as he just adds, “Sorry ass wannabe trying to be as cool as my dad.” Cleveland Jr. sees his dad and asks him if he knew that Rallo and Roberta’s dad was the real Santa Claus? Cleveland looks like he’s about to get angry with his boy, but then his expression softens and he just strokes the kid’s cheek once more remarking “You’re a good boy.” Cleveland Jr. purrs like a cat in response.

Is this the first Christmas special to end on a rape joke?

Donna then confirms with Rallo if this all makes sense to him? He gives an enthusiastic, “Hell yeah! My dad is Santa Claus!” and the rest of the family can only just shrug. Cleveland then breaks into song with “Let It Snow.” The rest of the family joins in, and we soon leave the cozy confines of the Brown’s living room and head out into the front yard where the REAL Santa Claus (MacFarlane) is standing! He turns to the camera and says, “A black Santa Claus,” in a dismissive fashion. Seeming to take offense, the reindeer makes a final appearance to ram this racist Santa and knock him to the ground. Then he proceeds to rape him. Merry Christmas!

Wow, so I was not expecting that. I said as part of the intro that I viewed The Cleveland Show as being Family Guy with more heart. I was also expecting it to be a bit tamer, but this really wasn’t at all. We had suicide jokes, rape jokes, pedophilia, and Cleveland even seems to resent his own son in an unhealthy way. He may not be as bad a father as Peter Griffin, but I don’t think he’s a good one. He’s at least very invested in winning over his step son, Rallo, and making sure he has a good Christmas. He’s more than willing to play second fiddle to his real dad even if he looks down on the guy, though a moment of weakness at the party threatens to ruin Rallo’s Christmas. He’s definitely way more invested in Rallo than his own son or his step daughter. I’m guessing that’s fodder for later episodes. He’s not really a bumbling oaf with his heart in the right place. He’s actually pretty competent, and when he wants to be, that can make him intentionally abusive, so yeah, Cleveland: not a great guy.

And that’s fine, the show can be whatever it wants to be, but it means this Christmas episode is devoid of charm. It’s a comedy and the only way to get Rallo to have a merry Christmas is for his deadbeat dad to show up, lie, and make his step dad look worse for it. And the real Santa needs to scoff at black people playing him. At least with that last bit, Santa gets what’s coming to him via the reindeer. He’s basically the only person who gets any comeuppance for being shitty in this episode. Most of the other characters are just there to be a sounding board or get a line in. The reindeer stuff is a decent gag, though the episode definitely felt like it suffered some pacing issues. The plot is pretty simple and basically the whole scene at the mall felt like padding.

Did I enjoy this holiday themed episode of The Cleveland Show? It had its moments. I liked most of the first act and the general setup. I was fine with the resolution too. Most of the stuff in the middle was of little interest to me and the jokes didn’t land as well either. I definitely don’t need to see anymore jokes with Herbert, that one is overplayed. Overall though it was fine. A perfectly cromulent holiday episode that I probably liked more than most of the Family Guy ones, at least, but it’s definitely not on American Dad!‘s level. If you would like to catch this episode, or any other Christmas episode of The Cleveland Show (it had one each season), then the easiest way to do so is via Hulu or Disney+. The show was still airing in syndication when I had cable as recently as 2022, but I don’t know if that is still the case. Either way, it shouldn’t be too hard to find if you’re really committed to watching it.

Dec. 16 – New Looney Tunes – “Tis the Seasoning/Winter Blunderland”

It was just over a week ago that we took a look at the Christmas episode of The Looney Tunes Show. That show featured the cast of Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies in an animated sitcom and it was…okay. It definitely didn’t feel like Warner stumbled onto something with that idea and the search for a worthwhile…

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by Joe December 16, 2023December 13, 2023

Dec. 16 – A Very Solar Holiday Opposites Special

Yesterday, we talked about South Park and its very first holiday special from the late 90s and today we’re talking about the Trey Parker/Matt Stone of the 2010s – Justin Roiland. Roiland was able to hook-up with Dan Harmon in the mid-2000s which put him on the path to comedy writer and actor, usually of…

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by Joe December 16, 2022December 14, 2022

Dec. 16 – The Pink Panther in: A Pink Christmas

In 1964, MGM released a film titled The Pink Panther. Such a title conjures up a certain image in one’s mind, but the titular pink panther in the film was not an animal, or even alive, but a pink diamond. Someone must have felt though that you can’t have a title like The Pink Panther…

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by Joe December 16, 2021May 3, 2023

1 Comment | tags: christmas, christmas specials, cleveland brown, family guy, fox, mike henry, richard appel, seth macfarlane, the cleveland show | posted in christmas, Television

December 14, 2024

Dec. 14 – SpongeBob Squarepants – SpongeBob’s Road to Christmas

By Joe

I did not grow up with SpongeBob Squarepants. He is very much a post-Nick show for me as I wasn’t paying much attention to the cable channel when he premiered. Over the years, little has changed for me when it comes to SpongeBob Squarepants save for the fact that I’ve come to appreciate the show’s take on Christmas. SpongeBob Squarepants has two all-timers for Christmas specials on its resume. There may be more than just the two, but as far as I know the little sponge is batting 1.000 when it comes to Christmas. When I found out a new Christmas episode was due to air in 2021 I immediately took notice. I obviously didn’t write about it then, or the year after, or the year after that, but today I am going to remedy that. Can “SpongeBob’s Road to Christmas” possibly live up to the show’s other Christmas specials? Let’s find out.

The episode begins as any other without any extra holiday fanfare. The title card is at least set to an instrumental version of “Deck the Halls.” When the episode begins, we’re shown a traditionally animated (for this era of the show) shot of Bikini Bottom decked out for the holidays. It’s somehow covered in snow or a snow-like substance, but this show has very few rules when it comes to its setting. SpongeBob (Tom Kenny) is in his aforementioned pineapple under the sea preparing for Santa’s arrival. Unlike most people, or sponges, SpongeBob actually has a present for Santa. Either he’s really generous or he’s angling for a little something extra. Either way, it’s a nice gesture that goes beyond the typical cookies and milk.

I don’t think you’re fitting down that chimney, pal.

SpongeBob, along with his pet snail Gary, retire for the evening since Santa doesn’t visit homes with active residents. And soon enough, Santa (Lewis Black in what is a pretty atypical role for him) arrives! It’s a bit weird seeing him animated in a more traditional sense after only seeing him depicted in the stop-motion A SpongeBob Christmas, but his design seems to be more or less the same. He has a rather elven appearance to some of his facial features, but he also has the big, round, belly one would expect of Santa. Initially, he has a little trouble navigating SpongeBob’s home on account of the fact that he’s way too big. I guess we didn’t see this aspect of Santa back in that other special, but he actually needs to shrink himself with magic dust in order to enter the home. Once inside, he’s positively giddy as he dances and prances about SpongeBob’s living room. His jiggling, bulbous, ass knocks the present SpongeBob left out for him behind the couch without him ever noticing it. He places a gift for SpongeBob under the tree and then departs.

This story is a tragedy unlike any other.

Seven months later, we find SpongeBob doing some vacuuming in his home. He moves the couch to vacuum behind it and there he finds the present he left out for Santa all covered in dust and cobwebs. At first, he has almost no reaction to it, but then the realization sets in. Santa didn’t get his present! It’s two-hundred and twelve days late (making this exactly seven months later on July 25th, assuming no leap year) and all SpongeBob can do is clutch the present to his bosom and roll around on the floor sobbing. Roses rain down upon him as he does and they’re from Patrick (Bill Fagerbakke) who thinks SpongeBob is performing or something. SpongeBob rises to his feet and informs Patrick of the situation. He doesn’t see the big deal here and rather matter-of-factly just suggests to SpongeBob that he deliver the present to Santa himself. Sleigh bells ring in SpongeBob’s head at the suggestion which he absolutely loves! Patrick volunteers to go too, but the only issue remaining is how to get there? Patrick suggests they push and shove their way to the North Pole and, wouldn’t you know, SpongeBob loves that idea too. He opens his face like a locker and stores the gift for Santa inside himself for safe-keeping, then Patrick shoves him out the door.

Plankton does make for a pretty convincing booger.

The two idiots, I mean friends, take turns pushing each other down the street laughing all the way. Nearby, Plankton (Mr. Lawrence) emerges from the confines of The Chum Bucket looking rather smug. I don’t know why, or if that’s just his natural disposition, but he soon gets squished by a rolling SpongeBob. SpongeBob pops up from the ground and Patrick mistakes the glob of Plankton on his nose for a booger. He offers SpongeBob his handkerchief who accepts it and delivers a hearty blow leaving behind what Patrick refers to as the ugliest booger he’s ever seen. The booger soon reveals itself to be Plankton who seems to be taking this all in stride. SpongeBob tells him what’s going on and Plankton gets an idea. Ever since he got the phrase “Born to be Naughty” tattooed on his right arm Santa has had him on the Naughty List. If he were to sneak into Santa’s workshop and change his designation on said list then he could finally receive the Krabby Patty secret formula for Christmas! Again!

Plankton informs the two that he’s coming with which they don’t seem to mind at all. When they ask how he’d like to be shoved, Plankton smugly whips out a remote. Informing the two they’ll travel via other means, he presses a button and out from the Chum Bucket emerges a sort of fishbowl on snowmobile treads and skis. Plankton informs the pair he built it to fly and run over bodies in preparation for the zombie apocalypse. I’m guessing they needed to include the zombie apocalypse bit to please the network censors since they likely couldn’t simply depict Plankton as murderous.

Is that regret I see on Plankton’s face?

The three strap in with Plankton insisting on fastening their seatbelts. SpongeBob does as he’s told while Patrick just pulls his shorts over his head. Plankton is clearly showing some signs of regret in bringing these two along, but the decision has been made. He fires up the vehicle and it rockets off nearly taking out Mr. Krabs as they zoom past the Krabby Patty. SpongeBob and Patrick almost immediately jump out of their seats to look out the window and at all the fish they’re passing over including one farmer fish who mistakes their vehicle for a UFO. Plankton barks at them to return to their seats, but Patrick points out that the seatbelt light has been turned off. Plankton has no retort and the flying machine soars off into the sky. Or undersea. Whatever.

Plankton is only interested in what’s in the box for about five seconds. That’s about as long as I pondered the subject, myself.

Night falls and Plankton is looking beat. Lucky for him, the ship is equipped with autopilot so he’s able to go to bed, but first he needs to pick on SpongeBob. SpongeBob has been polishing his gift (it’s wrapped in a conventional box so he’s just polishing paper) and Plankton decides that he’s entitled to a peek. He snatches it out of SpongeBob’s hands and starts shaking it around wondering what’s inside. SpongeBob isn’t telling, and he turns his own eyeball like the dial of a safe to open his face and stash the gift back inside. Plankton expresses hope that the contents are a stink bomb since he has a hatred of Mr. Claus, which SpongeBob takes offense to when Plankton refers to him as potbellied (“Santa is not potbellied, he just suffers from seasonal bloating”). Plankton doesn’t care enough to argue and heads to bed, which for him is a cot onboard the ship. For SpongeBob and Patrick, it’s the floor.

When Plankton wakes up in the morning he’s irritated to see SpongeBob and Patrick at the controls of the ship. He demands to know what they’re doing, but they’re happy to inform him that they’ve found the North Pole and way sooner than he said they would. Plankton is skeptical and asks how long he’s been asleep, but there’s no time for that as the ground is rapidly approaching. The ship smacks into the sign for Christmas Land Theme Park and it would appear to be on actual, dry, land. Plankton jumps onto the console to claim his rightful spot as pilot, but the seatbelt light is on so Patrick just slams him into the co-pilot chair and straps him in. Patrick is apparently the one in charge, and when Plankton asks if he even knows how to land this thing he responds with, “I know how to crash land!” The ship, almost gently, crashes into the snow-covered ground and skids to a halt at the actual North Pole. It just barely touches the pole as it comes to a complete stop and naturally this results in an explosion.

Despite the explosion, the ship seems to be fine. Well, everything except the navigation system. The boys emerge from the ship (with fishbowls full of water on their heads) to bask in the glory of the North Pole. Plankton is rightly irritated with the damage done to the ship, while Patrick and SpongeBob don’t appear to be phased one bit. As they start walking through the park, Patrick and SpongeBob are captivated by their surroundings. They’re also unable to discern a fake elf or fake reindeer from a real one. Plankton, on the other hand, has taken note of the lack of coldness and the presence of smog in the air, but SpongeBob and Patrick just declare it’s some special “snog” and continue prancing along delighted by their own ignorance while Plankton just looks defeated.

SpongeBob and Patrick then come to the heart of the apparent North Pole: Santa’s workshop. Inside, some barely functioning animatronic elves are working a toy assembly line and, once again, the two knuckleheads think they’re real. SpongeBob finally shows a tiny bit of concern on his face when one of the robot heads falls off the body of the elf and onto the assembly line where the next elf smashes it with a hammer. His concern quickly evaporates though when he takes note of a sign that says “Meet Santa Claus.” The building where this meet n’ greet is to take place is actually one the nicer pieces of scenery so far. SpongeBob and Patrick head in enthusiastically while Plankton is still piecing things together. He hasn’t quite figured out where they are, but he knows it’s a sham. SpongeBob tells him that Christmas is about believing while Patrick either has a different philosophy or mishears him as he chimes in with “Yeah, Christmas is about bleeding.”

The three walk down a dilapidated red carpet (the interior of this place is not the equal of the exterior) until they finally come to him – the big man! Or, well, he is indeed a big man, but he’s also asleep and snoring loudly in a big chair. SpongeBob and Patrick run at him while Plankton can scarcely believe it. The two nitwits each jump onto one of Santa’s knees and sit with giddy anticipation for Santa to wake up. His eyes crack open a tiny bit and he asks them what they want for Christmas. SpongeBob and Patrick immediately start shouting over each other a whole bunch of unintelligible stuff as they must be among the few thinking of Christmas lists in July. Santa’s eyes then finally flutter open to see who is actually on his knee. To my surprise, he knows them by name! Is this guy the real deal after all? He also tells SpongeBob that he’s his biggest fan and SpongeBob is forced to correct him that Patchy the Pirate is actually his biggest fan. Which makes sense, because this ain’t Santa.

Oh, it’s just Patchy! I was wondering if he was going to appear in this one.

It’s Patchy (Tom Kenny)! He pulls off his Santa costume and presents himself to SpongeBob and Patrick. Upon seeing this, SpongeBob and Patrick’s head literally explode. Once reassembled though, they’re pretty happy to see old Patchy, but what they’re not happy about is finding out they’re at an amusement park in Encino and approximately 4,000 miles away from the North Pole. Plankton is pretty pissed they went so far off course while SpongeBob is just bummed that their GPS is busted. Patchy cheerfully offers an alternative to GPS – a map! And don’t forget about Potty (Lawrence), the broken down toy parrot thing, who drops in with a compass which just so happens to land on and subsequently crush Plankton. He shakes his fist at the parrot while asking “Polly want a smacker?!” SpongeBob and Patrick cheerfully hop down off of Patchy’s knees with their map and compass and bid their old fan goodbye. As they depart, Patchy requests they tell Santa “Hi” for him and to let him know that he wants a new parrot for Christmas. Potty smacks him over the head and tells him he’d like a new pirate for Christmas.

The real North Pole is a lot colder than that other one.

The boys set off once again and we see their adventure unfold over the map. They get off to a bad start first traveling across the U.S. all the way to Florida where they’re eaten by an alligator. They escape to Idaho, before getting diverted to Nova Scotia where an angry moose donkey-kicks them up to the North Pole. When they arrive, we see the effects of the cold as Plankton is encased in a block of ice while SpongeBob has turned blue and is shivering beside him. Patrick, who has been asleep, is also blue and wakes up to ask if they’ve arrived yet, only for his eyes to shatter. Patrick and SpongeBob then disembark from the ship to approach the real Santa’s work shop. Plankton is conspicuously absent, or not. He’s actually still in ice and SpongeBob asks Patrick if he’s enjoying his “Plankton Pop.” Patrick, who has Plankton pinned between his face and the glass of the bowl over his head, declares he can’t wait to get to the chewy center. We get a close-up of Plankton which looks rather horrifying.

She may seem nice, but she’s kind of terrible.

SpongeBob and Patrick approach the door with giddy expressions on their faces. SpongeBob then realizes that Plankton has gone missing and asks Patrick where he went. The starfish looks momentarily perplexed, then his jaws are forced open by a very haggard looking Plankton. He’s able to get out of Patrick’s bowl-helmet and tells the guy he needs to do something about his terrible breath. The door to Santa’s work shop is then opened and a female elf (Jill Talley) pokes her head out. She immediately mistakes the pair for trick-or-treaters even though they would be three months early. Plankton, now seeing an open door, vacates the area as he doesn’t care what’s going on with Patrick and SpongeBob. He slaps a pair of elf ears onto his own bowl and heads inside.

SpongeBob tells the elf they’re not trick-or-treaters, but are actually here to see Santa. It would probably have been helpful if he explained why, but he doesn’t. The elf has some bad news though: Santa has gone on vacation with his wife in Aruba and isn’t currently here (so that’s what he does during the offseason). She speaks to them in a cheerful, but supremely condescending manner which makes her kind of terrible. She tosses the pair a candy cane each and then bids them farewell with a “Happy Halloween.” SpongeBob is pretty downhearted about the rejection, but Patrick is happy to have some free candy. Really happy. He reacts to eating the candy cane like it’s crack or something. That’s probably not a good thing. The two peer through the window and see the total elf rager going on inside. They’re behaving like drunks, but they’re clearly just drinking milk and eating cookies. Plankton is also in there trying his best not to get stepped on. SpongeBob reasons they need to get inside to leave Santa his present. Patrick has an idea for how to get in, but SpongeBob decides they should do it Santa style. Patrick, who can be seen at the controls of a wrecking ball, is disappointed in SpongeBob’s choice.

They have some pretty big reindeer up here.

Meanwhile, Plankton is strolling about the area in search of Santa’s mainframe. He intends to hack it so that he can put himself on the Nice List. Or take himself off the Naughty List. I guess he has to do both. As he walks through the compound, he sees a group of reindeer working out. These reindeer are pretty serious as they pump iron. Their overall shape reminds me of the shaven yak from The Ren & Stimpy Show. Plankton avoids them, but apparently not well enough for he’s soon approached by a rather nasty looking reindeer. He has a round, blue, nose which is probably why he’s called Bludolph (Clancy Brown). I don’t know if the name is ever said in the episode, but it’s how he’s credited. Anyway, he thinks Plankton is up to no good and Plankton certainly doesn’t look like any elf he’s ever seen. Plankton tries to play it cool, but when Bludolph is clearly not fooled he kicks snow in his face and calls him a moose. Bad move, Plankton, as Bludolph summons the other reindeer for some reindeer games. And the game is hacky sack with Plankton serving as the sack. As he’s sent through the air we get a poop joke as he shouts “That better be mud on your hooves,” after getting kicked.

We cut to a fireplace and out from it emerges SpongeBob and Patrick. They’re in a rather cozy looking room and before them stands Santa’s Christmas tree. The two are in awe, but despite their reaction I have to say it’s a pretty conventional looking Christmas tree. All that’s left is for SpongeBob to do what he set out to and leave Santa his present, but as they approach the tree with their arms linked an alarm is triggered. The elves burst in and the girl elf from early recognizes the pair of “trick or treaters.” They think they’re hear to steal toys. They’re also too angry to listen to any sort of reason as they burst in forcing SpongeBob and Patrick to escape by climbing up the tree.

Both parties seem to give as good as they get.

It’s at this point that Bludolph and the other reindeer storm in as they were alerted to the break-in as well. This means Plankton’s beating is over, but he gets stepped on by a reindeer for good measure. He pops up wondering if they’ve had enough and calls them a bunch of cariboobs. It’s a good insult since reindeer are indeed caribou. I guess Bludolph and company are kind of like the security up here, but they also seem to have some conflict with the elves. They feel like the reindeer are out of line for coming to their aid and there’s quite a bit of hostility between the two. When a reindeer gets mistakenly hit by a toy the elves were throwing at SpongeBob and Patrick, a brawl breaks out between elves and reindeer. Despite the reindeer being the far larger species, the elves certainly came to play and both sides take on some casualties. Though some of it is self-inflicted on the part of the reindeer. One of them, I think it’s Prancer, manages to get his antlers stuck in a ceiling fan causing him to fall on some elves. Then his snout gets run over by a train.

Looks like Plankton found what he was looking for. Take that, Bono.

SpongeBob is forced to observe the horror from high in the Christmas tree. He blames himself for this since he was the catalyst for the confrontation. He looks to Patrick for support, but he’s enraptured by the aroma of candy canes and of no use to SpongeBob now. A vicious looking elf is also climbing the tree. What he intends to do to SpongeBob should he reach him is anyone’s guess. SpongeBob tries bombarding him with Christmas ornaments, but that only seems to fuel him. Meanwhile, Plankton, having recovered from his own beating, strolls in deftly avoiding the many feet around him. He’s overjoyed when he comes upon the thing that which he seeks: Santa’s mainframe. It’s not issue for him to access it and add himself to the nice list. As he strolls out the door though, he’s once again stepped on.

Don’t worry everyone, Santa will set everything right.

The foot that stepped on Plankton belongs to none other than Santa! He’s none too pleased to have to come back from his vacation early due to the alarm going off in his quarters. He’s less happy to find the elves and reindeer seemingly at war with each other, but he brightens up when he takes notice of SpongeBob who was about to be attacked by the elf from earlier. He even playfully refers to SpongeBob as a menace which the little guy laughs off. He hops down and it’s at this point I’m reminded that Santa had to shrink himself to fit into SpongeBob’s house at the beginning of the episode because now SpongeBob sits in the palm of the big elf’s hand. He explains what’s going on and pulls out the gift he has for Santa. Santa seems touched and he carefully opens the tiny present to find a gloss bottle inside with a piece of parchment within it.

Plankton, upon seeing the gift, assumes it’s the thing he covets most: the Krabby Patty secret formula! Seeing what he wants before him, he abandons his plan to remain nice until Christmas and instead opts for thievery. He swipes the bottle and taunts Santa for good measure with his tattoo before opening the bottle and taking a look at the message inside. Of course, it’s not the secret formula (why would SpongeBob even have it?) and he sheepishly offers to return the gift to Santa. Seeing an opportunity to punish Plankton a bit, Santa instead demands he read it and Plankton reluctantly does. It’s just a simple message from SpongeBob that notes there’s no present that would be commensurate to what Santa has gifted the world over the years, so instead it’s just a simple message of thanks. Santa gets all teary eyed for no one has ever given him a Christmas present before. No one until SpongeBob Squarepants.

In the next episode, Patrick goes to rehab.

Santa thanks SpongeBob, but the little guy is always looking out for others. He makes sure to point out to Santa that he would never have made it to the North Pole without Plankton’s help. He even tosses in a “he’s not such a bad guy,” to try to sweeten the sentiment. He also credits Patrick to getting him there, which causes him to remember that Patrick is still in the tree! We pan to Patrick in the tree who has managed to get his hands (flippers?) on several candy canes. His eyes are all striped again and he just offers up a “Happy holidays to me!” I think it would have been funnier if he said happy Halloween.

SpongeBob is the king of thoughtful, inexpensive, gifts. I kind of envy him.

Fast forward five months and it’s a Christmas party at the famed The Krusty Krab. SpongeBob and all of his friends are enjoying the festivities as presents are being handed out. Plankton is there as well and we see him cheerlessly open another present which contains a lump of coal. He tosses it aside where it lands amongst a pile of other coal. SpongeBob then sidles on up and gives Plankton a gift as well. It’s a picture of him, Patrick, and Plankton with Patchy the Pirate from their adventure to the North Pole. It also contains a message of encouragement from SpongeBob for Plankton as it says “One day you will destroy us all!”

Though in this case, SpongeBob’s words of encouragement have apparently unleased this thing upon the undersea world.

Upon reading such words of encouragement Plankton appears touched. Then his soft expression is replaced with a hardened one. One of determination and malevolence! He shovels all of that coal immediately into a giant robot which has just been standing there. The coal-powered monster belches fire and we cut to an exterior shot of the restaurant now glowing from the fire within as the sounds of screams (and Plankton’s laugher) coming from inside take us to credits.

SpongeBob’s journey to the North Pole did not surprise me in that it doesn’t quite live up to what’s come before it. That’s not a slight against this Christmas episode, but more an acknowledgement of how good the previous two were. I do like the premise as it’s very much a SpongeBob plot to want to make sure Santa Claus himself gets a present on Christmas. The show does a fine enough job of coming up with something for SpongeBob to hand over to Kris Kringle and it’s not really important, anyway. This episode is about the journey. It’s a road trip for SpongeBob and his best friend plus the odd pairing of Plankton. All good road trip movies include an oil and water dynamic and that’s what inserting Plankton into the plot does here. It also provides the plot a mode of transportation and giving Plankton the goal of getting himself onto the Nice List works well enough.

Plankton carries this one for me. He’s so deliciously evil!

Where things stumble a bit for me is in the actual journey. Every road trip story needs a part where the journey clearly has gone wrong and a wrong destination or a wrong turn is often the device utilized. Here, it’s a dilapidated amusement park which I guess was fine? It’s a way to work in Patchy the Pirate who played a role in past SpongeBob Christmas episodes so I guess it’s kind of his thing. My issue with it is I think we’re denied more time at the North Pole. There are some unusual dynamics going on up there between the elves and reindeer and I’d have appreciated some more context there. Maybe we could have even had time for Mrs. Claus? It all leads to a sensible resolution though and I like the somewhat violent ending with Plankton. It caught me by surprise and that’s a pretty hard trick for a Christmas episode to pull off.

“SpongeBob’s Road to Christmas” is a perfectly charming and entertaining little Christmas episode. It’s unlikely to blow anyone away, but it’s entertaining and not too derivative of other Christmas travel specials. It’s only real failing is not being as good as A SpongeBob Christmas. If you’d like to spend time with the sponge and his friends then you can find this episode streaming on Paramount+. It’s also likely to be shown on Nickelodeon a few times this month and I bet you still have time to find it if you still have a cable subscription.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 14 – All Grown Up! – The Finster Who Stole Christmas

In 2001, Rugrats had the honor of being the first Nicktoon to make it 10 years. The path to that honor was not a smooth one as the show had effectively been cancelled in 1993 with the third season. That appeared to not be performance related, but more strategic on the part of Nickelodeon as…

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by Joe December 14, 2023December 6, 2023

Dec. 14 – Rugrats – “The Santa Experience”

Yesterday, we took a look at the 1992 Christmas special from the third Nickelodeon Nicktoon The Ren & Stimpy Show. Today, we’re basically working backwards and talking about the second Nicktoon to premiere: Rugrats. The Ren & Stimpy Show is probably the most celebrated of the original Nicktoons when it comes to animation circles, but…

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by Joe December 14, 2022December 12, 2022

Dec. 14 – Gifts from the Air

For today’s subject, we’re going all the way back to 1937 to talk about the Columbia Pictures Gifts from the Air. This particular cartoon comes from an era dominated by Disney, Warner Bros, and MGM with a tip of the cap to Noveltoons. The Color Rhapsody Theatrical Cartoon Series is not particularly well-remembered outside of…

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by Joe December 14, 2021May 3, 2023

1 Comment | tags: animation, benjamin arcand, bill fagerbakke, christmas, christmas specials, clancy brown, nickelodeon, patchy the pirate, santa claus, spongebob squarepants, stephen hillenburg, tom kenny | posted in christmas, Television

December 13, 2024

Dec. 13 – Bob’s Burgers – “Bob Rest Ye Merry Gentle-Mannequins

By Joe

We’re going to keep sticking with the animated sitcom Christmas special for another day and this time we turn to Bob. Bob’s Burgers has been a reliable staple for holiday viewing ever since getting a more robust endorsement from the Fox network for its third season. That was the first full season, by television standards, with 23 episodes that contained the show’s first Christmas episode. We’ve looked at a handful of Bob’s best Christmas outings already, but I skipped the very first one for some reason. Perhaps that was a mistake on my part? I guess we’ll soon find out.

Unlike Family Guy, American Dad!, and even The Simpsons, I feel pretty confident that we won’t get a bunch of suicide jokes with this one. Even though Bob Belcher (H. Jon Benjamin), as a struggling restaurant owner with a family to feed, should probably be the most susceptible to seasonal depression out of all of the main characters for these shows. Everything is riding on the success of Bob’s restaurant and that’s a lot of pressure. Unlike some other animated families though, the Belchers are pretty adept at rising above everything life throws at them. There isn’t much cynicism to be found here so I suppose in some way that makes them the best fit for a Christmas special.

This episode of Bob’s Burgers does not feature a special, seasonal, opening title. It does contain the usual sight gags though with the business next door and the utility vehicle that pulls up in front of the restaurant and this time we get Can You Dig It Candy Cane Outlet (No licky-loos!) and Silent Mice Exterminators. I like it!

Nothing says Christmas like festive ninja star window clings.

The episode begins with Linda (John Roberts) decorating the front window of the restaurant while the family looks on. She’s clearly placed snowflakes on the window, but Gene (Eugene Mirman) mistakes them for ninja stars while Tina (Dan Mintz) thinks they’re doilies. It is noted that we are seven days out from Christmas (kind of late with the decorating, Linda) so the children hand over their list of demands, as Louise (Kristen Schaal) describes it. It would seem the kids expect gifts from the parents and if anyone believes in Santa Claus it is not implied. Louise demands her own apartment (no studios), Tina would like a dry erase board to write down her thoughts and then erase them (Penis Fly Trap), while Gene wants the bobsled from the movie Cool Runnings. Bob tells the kids they can’t afford any of that stuff and when Tina asks “Even the dry erase board?” he angrily confirms even that. It’s been a tough year for the Belchers and Bob attributes it to the restaurant being mistakenly classified as a gas station in some local newsletter.

Remember to tip your mail carriers at Christmas, folks.

Sometime later, Mailman Mike (Tim Meadows) enters the restaurant and receives a very enthusiastic “Merry Christmas” from Linda that he responds to in his usual, deadpan manner. We can now see that the burger of the day is the One Horse Open Slaw Burger which comes with coleslaw. Not sure if it’s on the burger, or just a side, but it will set you back about six bucks. Mike hands over the mail and then stands there and awkwardly coughs. Bob picks up on the social cue here that Mike is looking for a holiday tip. Bob confesses to Mike that he never knows what to tip the mailman and Mike confirms that Bob does not. Bob then writes a number on a piece of paper and slides it over to Mike for his approval. He says it would be a good amount – if he delivered the mail once a week! Bob then hands over a wad of cash that is more than the number he wrote. Mike thanks him, then hands him some more mail which Bob has to sign for. When Bob asks if he was going to withhold his mail if he didn’t tip him, Mike assures him that he would have got the letter, just not today. He is a professional, after all.

A letter from a law firm can be good, but it can also be very bad.

Mike leaves and everyone decides to show interest in the letter Bob received. Tina even asks if it’s from Santa, so I guess there is a believer in our midst. The letter is from a law firm informing Bob that he’s been named in the will for dear, old, Uncle Ernie. Bob doesn’t seem to know him very well and the kids know nothing of him. Gene suggests that “Talking to Uncle Ernie,” would be a great metaphor for taking a poop, which Bob objects to. Linda snatches the note before Bob can read what his uncle left him as she wants to have a reading of the will. She says she’ll make punch which is apparently a thing she wants to do often (much to the chagrin of Louise) because she keeps getting samples in the mail. With everyone onboard, Gene announces he’s so excited that he needs to go talk to Uncle Ernie and races off to the bathroom.

In the Belcher living room, punch has been made and the family is ready for Linda to read the will. The children are clearly expecting a windfall here from their great uncle who owned a furniture store, but Bob tries to reset expectations. Linda does a dramatic reading (of sorts) only to find out they have been left whatever is in some storage unit. The family is slightly deflated, but they have to go check it out for themselves. We cut to the Just Stow It Storage facility where the family has resumed letting their imaginations run wild with optimism. Bob, being a bit of a downer here, reminds them they’ll have to pay taxes on whatever is in the storage unit if it’s any good. He lifts up the door to the unit and everyone gasps to find a dude just chilling inside in a tracksuit amongst a ton of boxes. He says “Oh, hi,” and Gene declares triumphantly “We won a cave man!”

Precisely what you don’t want to see when opening a storage unit.

After an act break, we discover that this man is named Chet (Zach Galifianakis) and he’s apparently been living here for some time. He had no idea Ernie died and upon hearing the news gives Bob a reassuring hug that he wants no part of. Gene tries to get in on some of that action, but is rebuked by his father. Chet reveals that he did window displays for Uncle Ernie’s store for 20 years until it closed. When he had no place else to go, Ernie let him stay here in the storage unit. Linda immediately feels bad for him and wants to invite him to live in their basement, but Bob doesn’t see the need to do so. That is, until the owner of the place asks Bob if he’ll be taking over the $150 per month lease on the unit.

Maybe Chet’s presence will at least keep the vermin away?

We smash cut to Chet and the Belchers checking out his new basement home. They’ve moved all of his stuff in and Chet is making himself feel right at home. He remarks that he can’t wait for the carpet to come in and asks if they’re married to the present color of the walls. Bob then has to remind Chet that he’s apparently only welcome to stay through Christmas and Chet has to doublecheck that he means this Christmas. When Bob confirms that he does, Chet doesn’t seem mad and actually says this is the nicest thing anyone has done for him since Sal gave him the tracksuit he’s wearing. He gestures to a nude mannequin indicating that’s Sal and Gene remarks that if Chet wants to do something nice for Sal that he could really use a penis. We may not have suicide jokes, but that’s our second penis joke so far!

It would appear that Chet has a hidden talent.

It is now six days before Christmas and Bob and Linda are woken up on this fine morning by their daughter Louise bursting into their room screaming “Fire!” She then tells them she’s just kidding, but she clearly wants them to come check out something. Downstairs in the restaurant, a festive window display has been erected. Gene remarks that he can’t find Chet and that his pee jar has gone cold, but he clearly made this display which everyone seems most impressed with. Bob remarks he’s glad Chet apparently took off and notes there was something “off” about him and that he smelled. One of the mannequins then turns and gives an awkward cough revealing that it’s Chet and Bob is forced to try and backpedal. Chet doesn’t bring attention to what Bob said and instead asks if the display is “Holi-doing it for ya?” Bob and Linda remark that it is indeed holi-doing it for them. Chet has dubbed his display Class Under Glass, but as Bob starts to ask more questions he just silently retakes his position in the display and says nothing causing Bob to remark that “he’s being weird again.”

Something we don’t get to see too often: Bob happy at Christmas.

The window display seems to be a big hit with the town as lots of people are shown stopping to look at it. An old couple enters the restaurant basically desperate to spend money there. When they find out that Bob doesn’t have any merch he offers to write out a gift certificate on a napkin. When the restaurant closes for the day, Bob is shown to be rather upbeat as he credits the display with really driving a lot of foot traffic. Chet hops down out of his display and informs the family he intends to create a new one each day until Christmas. The kids like the sound of this and indicate that they would like to be a part of them while Bob suggests hanging a big curtain to have an unveiling of the new display each day. Chet remarks that’s a very theatrical idea then asks Bob if he’s gay. Louise answers for him with a “We wish.”

Looks like Chet did find a carpet for the floor.

That night, Chet and the kids are going through all of his stuff in the basement in a bid to come up with an idea for tomorrow’s display. Gene proposes they utilize a toy train he’s found while Louise remarks that the lamp she’s found will look nice in her new apartment. She confesses the request was a joke at first, but indicates that all of this newfound success has her convinced it’s happening. The kids then discover that window displays was something Chet used to do with his ex-wife, Nadine. He seems a little blue, but tries to cheer himself up by suggesting they don’t want to hear about his past relationships and Gene enthusiastically agrees.

I would have saved this display for Christmas Eve, but that’s just me.

A musical montage follows set to “Father Christmas” by The Kinks, an easy top ten Christmas song in my house. This is a way to blast through the various displays that Chet and the kids come up with on the road to Christmas. The first one is set at Santa’s workshop with Chet dressed as the jolly, old, elf and the kids portraying elves. The kids aren’t great at this human mannequin thing as Gene tumbles backwards taking out a wall and Louise turns to hang up a “0 days without a workplace accident” sign. The next display as a Hannukah themed one followed by Chet as a Christmas tree with Louise riding a train around him and Gene and Tina dressed as presents. Louise slaps the faces of her siblings as she rides in circles while we keep getting cuts to the cash register filling with money and a very satisfied Bob.

I wonder what they do when someone has to go talk to Uncle Ernie?

The montage fades out with a local news broadcast drawing attention to the changing displays. In the window, Chet is now a gingerbread man, Tina a sugar plum (or ornament), and Gene a candy cane. Louise is apparently sitting this one out, or she’s in the giant gingerbread house. Mort (Andy Kindler) and Teddy (Larry Murphy) are at the counter and Teddy is very impressed by the fact that he’s on television right now as he waves to the camera. Bob has to tell Gene to stop licking himself since he’s on TV, but Gene just shouts back “Where I belong!” Teddy is eager to find out what tomorrow’s big, Christmas Eve display will be, but can’t make up his mind if he wants to know now or be surprised. Chet doesn’t respond to his pestering anyway since he’s very committed to his craft. Mort is so pumped for it that his mother is coming into town just to see it. He tells Bob to make it big since she has cataracts.

Not everyone is set to have a merry Christmas.

That night, the good vibes continue as Bob and Linda are doing the dishes. Linda is already convinced that this will be the best Christmas ever and Bob, surprisingly, doesn’t disagree. He even thinks they should have enough money to get the kids something nice and suggests that Linda cover for him tomorrow so he can sneak out to do some shopping. She assures him that she’ll tell the kids he needed to go buy something for his mistress. Bob is not amused. In the living room, Gene is wrapping a gift for his dad. It’s the television remote since his dad seems to love it so much. Louise thinks this is a great idea and decides to wrap Linda’s glasses up as a present for her. All the while Chet is there staring longingly out the window at the lightly falling snow.

Bob and Linda enter the room and Linda asks what Chet is doing. He informs her that he’s just zoning out as the song playing was Nadine’s favorite Christmas song. It’s at this point I notice “Silent Night” is playing and as Linda tries to ask who Nadine is Chet starts singing the song. The kids fill her in and then Chet produces a photograph. We can only see the back of it as Linda reacts by saying she’s gorgeous, then gets confused. The rest of the family looks at it in confusion as well and they try to all ask the same question, but in a polite way, for it would appear that Nadine is actually a mannequin. Bob just comes out says it and Chet informs the family that he used to be a mannequin too, complete with overly dramatic musical stings! The kids seem impressed, while Bob is quite uneasy with this revelation. Chet tries to smooth things over by assuring Bob he’s not one of those “murder mannequins,” he’s just a simple store mannequin that came to life. No big deal. Bob can only muster a “So…happy…you’re staying with us…in our basement.” Chet then resumes singing “Silent Night” which has a different aura now that we know “the truth.” Bob tells his family that they need to leave.

Following an act break, we resume the living room conversation with Bob asking Linda if she thinks Chet will murder them before or after Christmas. Linda doesn’t seem concerned and points that he said he’s not a murder mannequin. Chet remarks, in a callback to a shared conversation at the storage unit, that the two still need to work on their whispering. Louise decides to test the mannequin theory by kicking Chet in the shin. She has deduced that a mannequin would not feel pain, but Chet made it clear that he was a mannequin and isn’t anymore. Tina can relate as she points out that one day Chet just suddenly became anatomically correct which is something she just went through.

Back when “life” was perfect for Chet and Nadine.

It’s now time to hear Chet’s origin story. He was a mannequin in a sports store and Nadine was too. She didn’t have any nipples and she didn’t need them, per Chet. As the seasons (and fashion) changed from summer to fall casual their relationship became anything but. Chet remarks that one day he took Nadine skiing and we’re shown that they were just covered in skiing attire. An accident happened, a clerk knocked Nadine over smashing her right hand. She was taken away for repairs and when she came back she had two left hands. Chet then tells the family he had to make an important decision. Gene thinks he means what hand to replace with a hook, but Chet corrects him by saying he had to decide which hand to put a ring on. The two are shown in a wedding display apparently getting married. Gene shares this opinion on the resolution with a “Boo!”

Did the pain of loss bring Chet to life or are these just the ravings of a mad man? How can one ever know?

With the flashback over, we return to the living room where Bob is shocked to find his wife in tears. She can’t help it, weddings always get to her. Chet tells the family that everything was perfect, until the mall came. The store closed and during the liquidation sale the two were separated. It’s at this point that Gene wants to go back to earlier in the story by asking Chet why Nadine didn’t require nipples. He ignores the child and continues his story. We see Chet being locked away in the storage unit where Chet theorizes that the pain of his loss caused a transformation to take place. Tina concludes that this is the greatest love story ever told.

Bob remains unconvinced and tells Chet that he was never a mannequin. Chet isn’t hearing it and wants to be reunited with his love. Tina is onboard with finding her as the two theorize she may be in Paris or Milan. Bob tells the kids that they are not going on a mannequin hunt with Chet and suggests she’s probably in a landfill somewhere. Chet can’t take the abuse and runs away in tears. An angry Linda orders the kids to go to bed since she needs to have a word with Bob, but he’s apparently frightened by his wife and orders the kids to stay. This goes into a routine where each parent keeps ordering their kids to do the opposite of the other until finally the kids obey their mom and leave, since they’re taking her side. With the kids gone, Linda scolds Bob for making Chet cry. Bob points out that the man is unstable and suspects many things make him cry. Linda ends the argument by stomping off to bed telling Bob not to bring the mistletoe with him, but do bring her a snack. Chocolate!

Well that’s sure to surprise the onlookers.

The next morning, Gene and Tina come barging into their parents’ bedroom telling them to get up and come see the display. We also see that Bob slept on the floor. They head downstairs to find a rather grisly display: a decapitated reindeer with ground beef in the neck hole, an elf swinging by a noose, and a headless snowman with two bottles of ketchup placed where the head should be squirting “blood.” This obviously won’t be good for business, and unfortunately for the Belchers Chet is nowhere to be found. Oh, wait, he’s actually sitting right there in a booth. The display is a window to his soul, as Chet puts it, which has been severely wounded by Bob’s words the night prior. Louise likes it, but no one else does. Bob insists that Chet replace it with something happy, but Chet’s happiness has been discarded in a dump somewhere. He zings Bob by asking him if his face can catch because he’s throwing his own words back at him! Chet runs off to the basement and the kids decide it’s all up to them to save Christmas with a traditional, mannequin, hunt.

This group is very invested in these window displays.

Our second montage of the episode is now upon us. It’s set to an instrumental I don’t recognize, but sounds jolly enough. The kids are shown handing out fliers with Nadine on them to various side characters from the show. It’s a brief montage which ends at the restaurant where a small crowd has gathered demanding to see the Christmas Eve display. The kids slink back into the store with an important announcement: they’ve found Nadine! Bob scolds them for disobeying his mandate to not go on a hunt for her…it, but Gene seems to not take his father seriously for we get a cutaway of him surprising his dad while he’s in the middle or urinating as an example of other boundaries he ignores. Linda is excited though while threats from outside seem to suggest they need to produce a display and quickly. She informs “Old Saint Dick,” that he’s going to go get this mannequin from the store the kids found her at, but haven’t elaborated on yet. Bob is forced to agree since getting the mannequin is the quickest way to getting Chet to do a kinder display. As Bob moves, we can see that the Christmas Eve burger of the day is The Fifth Day of Christmas Burger which comes with five, golden, onion rings.

Well, I guess it’s a better location to find Nadine than a landfill?

With the family leaving out the back, Linda tries to stall for time by heading outside to deliver a poem she wrote. Or rather, one she’s clearly making up on the spot since the poem is basically just “Christmas, oh Christmas. Christmas. Christmas. Christmas…” Meanwhile, Bob and the kids are at the store where Nadine presently resides in the window display: Spanks A Lot. It’s an erotic store and Nadine is in some light bondage gear and handcuffs. They can tell it’s her though by the presence of two left hands. Bob orders the kids to wait outside as he heads in and speaks to the clerk (Fred Stoller, who must have been identified early for the role because the character even resembles him) where he confirms that Nadine was indeed discarded in a landfill. The clerk has no desire to loan the mannequin out and says this is the biggest sex shopping day of the year. When Bob points that there’s no one in the store, the clerk gestures to the back to confirm where all of the customers are.

As far as diversions go that’s a pretty good one.

The kids, meanwhile, have snuck in because of course they did. Gene is surprised to find limbless finger puppets, which are most certainly not finger puppets. Louise can tell that her dad is getting nowhere with the clerk so she instructs her siblings to create a diversion with the…personal massagers. They turn the sex toys on and toss them on the floor where they vibrate and slither about. The clerk sees them and shouts at them to get out since they’re minors while Bob bolts and grabs Nadine. The kids lay down some lube by the door which the clerk slips and falls on as he tries to chase after them. Bob shouts back that he’ll return her after midnight while the clerk shouts out “Sickos!” A voice from the back thinks he was referring to them, but he calls back, “No, not you guys,” in a defeated tone.

We’re kind of setup to dislike the clerk, but I can’t blame a sex store owner for not wanting to loan out his BDSM mannequin for a few hours on Christmas Eve.

We return to the restaurant to find Linda has switched tactics and is now singing “The Carol of the Bells,” only she doesn’t know any of the words so she just keeps singing “La la-la bells!” Gene lets her know she can come in because they have Nadine and the family races to the basement. Chet has apparently locked himself in the room down there, which I don’t think had a door before, but who cares? He’s apprehensive about seeing Nadine again since the tracksuit is twelve seasons old and he’s got a gut. Louise assures him that Nadine has changed too and Bob pleads with him to come out. He’s forced to apologize to Chet, though he won’t allow himself to go so far as to say he believes him. He tells Chet that what matters now is he’s a man in love with a mannequin and the mannequin that he’s currently holding should be in Chet’s arms, not his. Chet is clearly moved by Bob’s words and agrees to finally open the door.

Uplifting music plays as Chet gazes upon Nadine for the first time in…seasons. He remarks, “Tough times, huh baby?” upon seeing her new look but assures her that he won’t judge her for what she had to do to get by. They proceed to have a one-sided conversation as Chet mostly makes noises like he’s agreeing with whatever she has to say. Linda remarks that Chet is a good listener and women like that. Bob has to interject that she’s a mannequin with Gene adding, “one that won’t shut up, apparently.” Bob then tries to steer Chet back to the display as he’s pretty concerned about it. Chet confers with Nadine, who apparently had something funny to say. Bob is very concerned about what she had to say, but Chet assures him he wouldn’t get it and agrees to do a new display.

Simple. Traditional. Tasteful. I award this final display an A-.

We cut to upstairs and we’re apparently going with a nativity scene. Chet is Joseph, Nadine is Mary, Tina, Linda, and Louise are kings and Gene is baby Jesus. Chet gives a brief pep talk concluding with “Aaaand no action!” Hah, mannequin humor. Bob heads outside to present the display which goes over well. Mort’s mom is present and remarks it was worth the wait. Teddy offers to take a picture of Mort and his mother and tells Mort to fix the wig. Mort thinks he was referring to the rug on his head, but Teddy informs him he was referring to Mort’s mother who has a weird, pointy, thing going on.

The good feelings are short-lived though as almost immediately the sex store clerk shows up demanding the return of his mannequin. He barges into the restaurant and goes for Nadine while Chet informs him “She’s with me now.” The two grapple over the wooden woman while the display gets knocked over and poor baby Jesus finds himself in manger danger. The clerk seems to gain control of the doll and tells everyone they’re lucky he doesn’t call the cops on them and mistakes them for perverts. Well, Chet might be, but Tina asks if they can simply buy Nadine off of him. He tells them she’s not for sale, but Gene correctly points out that every sex shop owner has their price. The clerk counters with five grand and Bob quickly refuses. Louise retrieves a wad of cash from the cash register and counts out $263 bucks. Bob protests and tells her that was the money they were going to use to buy them presents, but Louise laughs since it’s no where near the amount needed for an apartment. Tina tells her father that he can spend her allotted money on Nadine and the others agree with Louise adding she better get one hell of a President’s Day present. The clerk relents and takes their money in exchange for Nadine.

Well now, things have certainly taken an awkward turn.

With Nadine returned to Chet where she belongs, the family is overwhelmed with positive vibes. Chet is beyond happy and Bob is even feeling the warmth as he tells Chet, though somewhat reluctantly, that he can stay through New Years. Everyone is happy, and Chet remarks how he and Bob are so lucky to each have a special lady in their life. Bob just sort of politely agrees, but Chet pushes the sentiment further by suggesting the four of them take a vacation. Linda is onboard, but Bob clearly wants this conversation to end. Tina bails him out by saying they’ve waited long enough and urges Chet to kiss Nadine. Bad move, Tina, as Chet just starts making out with a mannequin in a restaurant window display while dressed as biblical figures. Nadine’s head even falls off, but Chet just picks it up and resumes making out with it. Then he makes the head kiss his neck while moaning. The crowd outside stares with rapt attention while Teddy indicates to Mort’s mom that this is making him hot. Is Teddy making a play for Mort’s mother?

I believe Edith is sincere when she tells the Belchers to go to Hell.

The kiss continues and Tina points out that “It’s happening.” The kiss is turning Nadine into a woman! No, it’s turning Chet back into a mannequin! No, it’s actually doing nothing and Tina seems let down. Mike the Mailman, who is in the crowd, determines they took things too far with this final display and everyone else seems to agree as the crowd disperses. Edith (Murphy), the always grumpy old lady, even tells the Belchers to burn in Hell as she departs.

Christmas Day arrives and we’re in the Belcher living room where Linda is declaring that Uncle Ernie’s storage unit had a few treasures in it. Gene opens his gift and thanks Santa for an exit sign. Tina is happy with her shoe sizer while Louise seems thrilled to have a device that removes security tags from merchandise. I can see her getting into some trouble with that as she declares “Next Christmas is on me!” Chet is seated in a lounge chair with Nadine draped across his lap in a sexy Santa outfit. Bob asks what he’s going to do after the new year and Chet just casually remarks he plans to go back to Manhattan. Apparently he owns a loft there which has been in the process of getting renovated. We hear an exasperated Bob shout “WHAT?!” before heading to the credits.

That’s one hell of an ending! We may not have had suicide jokes, but we did get another story of apparent mental illness of a man who misses his ex. Only the ex isn’t really an ex in the traditional sense. Not because she’s a mannequin, but because they never broke up or anything. They were just forcefully separated, if you believe Chet’s story. I would categorize him as an unreliable narrator, at best.

This one has lots of twists and turns. Down on their luck family seems posed to have a Christmas miracle befall them in the form of an unexpected inheritance, only it occurs in the first act so we kind of know that’s probably not where we’re going. Then it turns into a case of a family that has almost nothing taking in a guy who literally has nothing who turns out to be a blessing in disguise. The fact that all of Chet’s exposure he got the restaurant only amounted to $263 really drives home how unsuccessful the business really is. And from there, things get turned on their head when we find out that Chet is a very troubled man who is in love with a mannequin. Bob doesn’t believe him, and yet he and his family do what I guess is the right thing in reuniting Chet with his “wife,” only to have it dropped on us that Chet is apparently a pretty well-off guy with a loft in New York. Or maybe that’s a delusion as well, who can say? All I know is we went on one hell of a ride. It’s a bit unorthodox for Christmas, but the very first Christmas special for Bob’s Burgers never loses sight of the holiday. It’s basically a typical, atypical, holiday special in that the Belchers do something that’s mostly selfless in the spirit of the holiday without any real reward, in the end.

Poor, little, Tina, denied her dry erase board.

As a viewer, we do root for the Belchers so this one can be a bit frustrating to see them throw away what is probably some much-needed money on a mannequin. Especially if Chet is some rich guy. The ending might rattle some nerves since there’s obviously more to the story, but I like how it lands and nothing that follows could be funnier or more satisfying. We don’t need to see Bob angrily throw Chet out or see him have the opposite reaction of depressed acceptance. Chet probably didn’t reward the family any further than his displays did and it would work against the whole selfless act resolution. So many selfless acts in Christmas specials are essentially undone with the protagonist getting rewarded anyway so I like that we just end it right where it did.

This is a very entertaining episode of Bob’s Burgers, Christmas or otherwise. I may like some other Christmas episodes more, but this is one of those episodes that does make me rethink my Bob’s Burgers Christmas hierarchy. If you would like to take this one then you need only turn to Hulu or Disney+. I’ve said that a lot so far this year and I’ll probably say it some more! The episode is also available to purchase in the usual spots and it’s probably airing in syndication if you have cable.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 13 – Smiling Friends – “Charlie Dies and Doesn’t Come Back”

Yesterday, we took a look at a Cartoon Network original aimed at a pretty broad audience. Today, it’s an Adult Swim original very much aimed at an adult audience. Or at least one older than eight. Smiling Friends is the creation of Michael Cusack and Zach Hadel and it’s an animated sitcom about a couple…

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by Joe December 13, 2023May 5, 2023

Dec. 13 – The Ren & Stimpy Show – “Son of Stimpy/Stimpy’s First Fart”

The Ren & Stimpy Show burst onto the scene as part of the original trio of Nicktoons in 1991. The other two, Doug and Rugrats, were fairly gentle cartoons. Rugrats could sometimes get a little blue since the main characters were all babies, but the occasional poop joke was hardly something to get offended by.…

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by Joe December 13, 2022December 2, 2022

Dec. 13 – Bob’s Burgers – “The Bleakening: Part 2”

Well fellow cartoon Christmas enthusiasts, we’re in a new and interesting place today. We’re coming in for the second part of a two-part story we started looking at yesterday. In the first part of “The Bleakening,” the Christmas special from Bob’s Burgers which originally aired in 2017, the children of Bob and Linda Belcher were…

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by Joe December 13, 2021May 3, 2023

1 Comment | tags: bob belcher, bob's burgers, christmas, christmas specials, eugene mirman, fox, h jon benjamin, john roberts, kristen schaal, loren bouchard, zach galifianakis | posted in christmas, Television

December 12, 2024

Dec. 12 – King of the Hill – “Pretty, Pretty Dresses”

By Joe

The 2024 edition of The Christmas Spot has been a year in which we return to a show we haven’t talked about in a little while. Today’s subject is certainly one such show as we’re heading back to Arlen, TX for a Christmas episode of King of the Hill. Up to now, the only episode of the long-running Fox sitcom included on this countdown was covered back in 2020. This episode has been on my list ever since, if not longer, and is one of my favorite episodes from King of the Hill. It does take place at Christmas, though it’s perhaps not as full of the holiday as some other King of the Hill holiday episodes. What it lacks in Christmas cheer it certainly makes up for with a heaping helping of one Bill Dauterive (Stephen Root).

Bill is one of my favorite characters from the show even if he is one of the saddest. He’s a very depressed man and it all stems back to his divorce which took place before the events of the show. It took several episodes to figure out just how pathetic Bill is, but this episode is going to capture it well. When I think of Bill and the word “pathetic,” I think of him eating spaghetti off of his counter and taking a swig of sauce right from the jar to wash it down. Remember the show Step by Step and the Cody character who would pour milk in his mouth, squirt the chocolate syrup in after, then shake his head all about before swallowing? That was ridiculous and just stupid funny (to an eight year old, anyway), something TGIF featured a lot of. Bill’s spaghetti meal is similar in construction, but almost believably pathetic. I’m pretty sure I imitated the Cody milk trick as a kid, but it would never occur to me to do the same with Bill’s spaghetti.

Nothing sums up how pathetic a man Bill is than this right here.

“Pretty, Pretty Dresses” puts Bill’s mental health at the forefront. I suppose this one comes with a bit of a trigger warning as Bill is suicidal and it is played for laughs. It’s similar to how Moe would be portrayed on The Simpsons, only with Moe there was really no one caring about him to talk him down. Bill does have people who care about him. They don’t really take his suicidal actions with 100% seriousness as some of the actions by Bill are pretty, well, pathetic. That’s the word of the day, apparently. He probably lacks the conviction needed to go through it and it’s the classic “cry for help” we sometimes hear about. I’m also no psychologist and while I’ve had my share of bad days I’ve never gone to a place even remotely close to what one would call suicidal. In other words, this isn’t the sort of stuff that is likely to bother me, but it might bother you. It’s also just dawning on me that I have quite a few animated sitcoms in the countdown this year and just about all of them have a suicide joke. That’s admittedly a bit weird, but maybe not that surprising considering the darker side of Christmas. The most famous Christmas movie of all time even dabbles in suicide so maybe we should be blaming Frank Capra?

Bill is sad, and no one in his life is well-equipped to respond to that fact.

The episode begins with the usual suspects standing in the alley drinking a beer. Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer look as they do so often in the show, and then Bill just starts sobbing. As he cries, a very jolly, instrumental, rendition of “Sleigh Ride” comes in as Bill continues to sob and his friends continue to ignore him by just staring blankly straight-ahead. This smashes to the intro and when that ends we go right back to the alley. Bill gets ahold of himself and very plainly remarks, “I love Christmas.” Then he continues with the sobbing and we find out that it was at Christmas time his wife, Lenore, left him. He tries to convince himself it was the best thing that ever happened to him, but he just goes back to sobbing. Bill heads home leaving the others behind. Hank (Mike Judge), being the better friend of the three, remarks out loud that he’d like a cookie and can always count on Bill to have cookies in his house. This is his cover to go check on Bill because these men could never admit to one another that they care about each other.

One gets the impression that if Lenore was dead instead of just gone this would get even uglier.

Hank enters the house to a sad scene. There’s a very dead tree in the corner with Lenore’s stocking on it and a bunch of wrapped gifts with her name on them beneath it. Some must be old from when she left, but there also appears to be new ones as Bill was apparently in the middle of wrapping his toaster. Bill enters the room and is surprised to see Hank and starts hiding gifts and shoving the very dead tree in a closet. Hank awkwardly asks if these are all gifts for Lenore and Bill proudly admits that they are and he suspects that she’ll appreciate his saving them when she comes back. Hank then tries to level with his old friend, but he can barely get a word out before Bill starts to whimper. Hank can’t bring himself to do it and just remarks that stranger things have happened. Bill cheers up and thanks him before confirming with Hank that he’ll be attending dinner at their house through the holidays. This is apparently a thing the Hills do each year so that Bill isn’t alone.

Maybe having Bill over dinner every night won’t be so bad?

We are then treated to one of those dinners. Peggy (Kathy Najimy) is excited about a Christmas party they’re hosting and Bill decides to awkwardly steer that subject into a conversation about break-ups. He reminds Luanne (Brittany Murphy) about her dead boyfriend and how it can be hard to find someone else as he reckons there was only one person meant for her. This disarms Luanne and Peggy immediately tries to steer the conversation back to the party and asks Luanne to help out hosting it, but she’s still reeling from Bill. Bobby (Pamela Adlon) is happy to volunteer to host the party, so Bill brings up the girl who dumped him a few episodes prior and he too looks defeated. He then brings up a high school boyfriend of Peggy’s, Cecil, but she insists she didn’t even like him. Bill just reminds her matter-of-factly that she did, but he didn’t like her.

Oh Hank, this should be the least of your concerns when it comes to Bobby.

The next morning, Bobby is serving breakfast which Hank seems to be uncomfortable with (“Shouldn’t you be doing this, Peggy?”), but like a lot of things with his son, Hank is just going to have to roll with it. Peggy is just happy to have an appetite following last night’s dinner and makes a comment that suggests Bill is like that at every dinner. Bobby remarks that he could live without him, which Hank objects to. He takes the time to remind the two that he set Arlen High School’s single season rushing record in football and Bill was his lead blocker. A running back who forgets his frontline is the person Hank could live without, not Bill, and leaves the table without touching his bacon and eggs saying “Shame on you two.”

The addition of a pet has only made things worse. Of course, it’s not helping that the pet is an iguana.

We cut to another dinner scene and Bill is playfully feeding someone off camera that the Hills seem to find…disturbing. When the camera centers on Bill we see that he’s brought an iguana to dinner which he has named Lenore, naturally. Hank carefully asks Bill if the store was all out of puppies, but Bill insists that iguanas are the new trendy pet. He’s trying to get the thing to eat what looks like a carrot and insists that he’s just shy (and it does sound like this is a male iguana that he’s named Lenore) and is probably nervous with all of the new faces. He looks to his right and stares at Luanne as he says this and she picks up on his social cue to ask if she should leave to which Bill responds simply, “Thank you.” He then opens up what looks like a pill bottle and dumps a cricket onto the table. The rest of the family is shocked, but Bill says “Don’t worry, it’s dead.” It then wriggles a bit and everyone gasps as Lenore jumps on the table and scarfs it down.

Dear God, someone might see Hank in his boxer shorts!

That night as Hank and Peggy get ready for bed, Peggy lets Hank know that this thing with Bill has gone far enough. She doesn’t want him at another meal of theirs, but Hank insists that he thinks Bill seemed happier so maybe things are getting better? Peggy just refers to the iguana (which she mispronounces) as a cry for help, but before their argument can go any further they’re interrupted by the door opening. Hank immediately cries out to Luanne to knock first, but it’s Bill. He apparently had a nightmare where Lenore returned and kidnapped Lenore and drove off with him while he chased after the car until his teeth fell out. He informs Peggy that she was there too then requests to sleep on their couch. I was ready for him to ask about sleeping at the foot of their bed. Hank just says “Yes, Bill,” and once the door is closed Peggy delivers an ultimatum, “I’m giving you twenty-four hours to get me out of that man’s dreams!”

The next day, Hank and Bill are pounding beers in the alley with Lenore. Bill chucks an empty into his cooler, pats his belly, then turns to Hank and says “Shall we?” Hank awkwardly delivers the news that he’s not welcome at dinner tonight. Bill takes the news rather well, even adds that he prefers to eat alone, though he’s not exactly convincing anyone of that. The Hills have a nice dinner without Bill, while Bill eats his pathetic spaghetti meal off the counter I talked about earlier. He really chugs that meat sauce. We cut back to the Hills and Hank is apparently pitching a movie to his family about propane that would involve Clint Eastwood. He does a bad Eastwood impression then turns to the family for approval. Bobby, his ever reliably enthusiastic son, tells him it’s a great idea. They all laugh and we see Bill is watching sadly from the street.

Bill takes a ladder out of Hank’s open garage, and as he walks off, it gets caught on some string lights and he inadvertently pulls them down. Or he always intended to leave a mark since this gets Hank’s attention from inside. He’s irritated to find his ten foot ladder missing and immediately accuses Dale, then Bill, then Dale again. He then takes his longer ladder (I guess a 12 footer) and heads up to the roof to fix the lights. From there, he sees Bill across the way on his own roof. He asks him what he’s doing and Bill just casually tells him he’s up there to kill himself. He then goes to jump, but instead awkwardly rolls off the side of the house grasping the gutter. He dangles a moment, then the gutter breaks and he falls to the ground below. It’s important to note that Bill’s house is a ranch. Even if he jumped, he’d be at almost zero risk of killing himself. Hank still cries out in horror when Bill falls though as he’s a good friend.

Nancy looks concerned, but it’s probably for show. Hank seems to be the only one who gives a damn about Bill.

The neighborhood is now gathered in front of Bill’s house to discuss what to do with him. In the background, we can see Bill on his own stoop with his arm in a sling so he apparently got hurt a little bit in his fall. Peggy acts like she’s going to say something mildly profound when she says “You know who I feel sorry for the most in all of this? Bill.” Yeah, no kidding, Peggy. She suggests he see a psychiatrist, but Hank snaps “He’s suicidal, Peggy, not crazy.” Hank seems to think they just need to keep a constant surveillance of Bill until he snaps out of it while Dale (Johnny Hardwick) thinks he’s too far gone and they should sit back and watch the bloodbath. Hank is not about to let that happen and lays out the Bill Suicide Watch schedule for all to hear and adhere to. And since it’s nighttime, Hank is up first.

Hank leads Bill back into the house and suggests that Bill get to bed. Bill remarks that all he does is sleep and suggests that maybe he’s preparing himself for The Big Sleep. Hank shudders and goes into the kitchen for a beer. Bill declines one on account of beer being a depressant which causes Hank to angrily snap at him, “Don’t go blaming the beer!” As he goes into the fridge to get himself one, Bill comes in and sticks his head in the oven. Hank ignores him as he heads back into the living room then calls over his shoulder to remind Bill it’s an electric stove. When he says that it’s still pretty hot, Hank relents and yanks his head out of the oven and deposits him on his bed face first. Hank is trying to get him some pajamas and is surprised to find silk ones in Bill’s drawer. Bill refuses to go along with this so Hank is basically forced to dress him, then brush his teeth for him, and then he has to sit beside the bed while Bill sleeps. Only Bill isn’t sleeping! He’s just waiting for the right moment to resume his suicide attempts and when Hank nods off he does just that…by trying to slam his own head in the drawer of his nightstand. Hank wakes up with a “Damnit, Bill,” and is forced to take the drawers away while Bill tumbles out of bed.

Bill has lost all ability to function within society.

It’s the next day and we see Bill is on his couch. He goes to get up, but he’s soon ordered back down. It’s Dale’s watch, and he isn’t taking any chances as he sits in front of Bill with a shotgun. Bill just asks to go “tinkle,” but Dale informs him “Not on my watch.” The humor here is Dale is threatening a suicidal person with death so I suppose if the audience wasn’t convinced that Bill’s suicide attempts were lacking conviction they should be now. We then cut to Bill at a bar called Uglys because it’s now apparently Boomhauer’s (Judge) turn. He’s slow dancing with a woman while Bill looks on from the bar looking sad. He remarks to the bartender that he and Lenore used to come here and watch other couples dance indicating that they were never very much in love. He gets up real close on one couple who is making out at the bar, whimpers, then runs out crying. He runs straight into the road intending to have a tractor trailer truck be his end. It’s just careful editing though and when the camera zooms out we see the truck make a harmless left turn as it was more than a full block away from Bill. Boomhauer then appears to just angrily grab Bill by the arm and drag him back inside.

Dale isn’t about to wait and see what Bill left him in his will.

We next see Bill seated on his couch with his head down from a distance. The camera is in the kitchen and it pans to reveal that Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer are having a little conference about their friend. Dale insists he can’t keep doing this because it’s not in his nature to care about others while Boomhauer remarks it’s all “Work. Bill. Work. Bill,” and suggests that it’s making him want to put a bullet in his own head. Hank doesn’t really put forth any argument to try to keep them onboard with Operation Keep Bill Alive and instead says that he’ll take over all shifts, if he can clear it with his boss. He then calls out Dale for wearing Bill’s silk pajama top under his shirt, but Dale sees no harm in doing so since Bill’s as good as dead anyway.

If it’s any consolation, Hank, it’s the end of the year and Bud Strickland doesn’t seem like the sort of boss who lets his workers rollover vacation time year-to-year.

Now, we head to Strickland Propane, Hank’s place of employment, to see how his time off request goes. We find him in the office of his boss, Bud Strickland (Root), as he starts into his request. Bud thinks Hank is requesting time off to get ready for the party he’s hosting, and since he invited their whole client list, he seems to think it’s a good idea. Poor Hank can’t lie to his boss though, and clarifies it’s for a friend and even categorizes it as a matter of life and death. Strickland doesn’t care, and just tells Hank to have the secretary zero-out his vacation days which elicits another, “Damnit, Bill,” from Hank. We then cut to Hank and Peggy at their kitchen table where Hank is bemoaning his current state. He tells her that Bill tried to drown himself in the toilet earlier and then asks her if she can find him a date? Peggy starts into trying to make an excuse for why she can’t since she’d have to invite a woman over and not tell her anything about Bill and Hank just thinks this is Peggy outlining a plan. He thanks her and walks away in what is basically a repeat of the dinner scene between Bill and Luanne. It’s still funny though so I’ll allow it.

Pay no mind to the iguana piss on his uniform, ma’am.

And who did Peggy find to join them for dinner that night? Why that would be Mrs. Tobbis (Janet Waldo), perhaps the stuffiest looking woman character one could draw. She is visibly angry to be at dinner under false pretenses. To Bill’s credit, he put on his old military uniform and looks nicer than usual, but he still brought Lenore who is nestled on his shoulder. He informs Mrs. Tobbis that he isn’t allowed to have a knife at the table because he’s in the middle of killing himself. Tobbis doesn’t even comment on that and instead accuses Peggy of setting her up with this man against her will. Peggy tries to reason with her by saying Bill is a collector of exotic reptilia and she collects throw pillows – they’re practically the same! Tobbis admits to having a few pillows, but justifiably doesn’t see what that has to do with her being there. Bill then asks her if she likes iguanas and she informs him, in no uncertain terms, that she does not calling the thing filthy. Bill takes the criticism lightly and suggests they all could use a bath which is Lenore’s cue to pee all over his shoulder. Bill just dabs at it with a napkin and says “When it’s your own.”

The only thing Bill had left just ran out the window on him.

Mrs. Tobbis informs Bill that he is a gross man so Bill does the expected and proposes to her! Tobbis is rightfully aghast at the suggestion while Luanne shrieks with glee like she’s witnessing something truly romantic going on. Bill starts clinging to her and she demands someone get her coat – for the love of God! Ladybird then enters, the Hill family’s dog, and once Lenore and her lock eyes the iguana goes into flight mode. It scampers down the table and out an open window prompting Bill to cry, “Lenore! Don’t leave me!” As he goes out the window to chase down his pet, Peggy decides now is the right time to tell Mrs. Tobbis that she’s already given Bill her phone number. That poor, poor, woman.

This is the point where Hank runs out of patience with his old friend. Honestly, it took him longer than I would have expected.

Hank goes outside and observes Bill searching through his bushes and even his mailbox for the iguana. He then goes inside, I guess because he thinks the reptile might have went home, and once inside we see Dale emerge from behind the house carrying Bill’s television. Hank yells at him, but Dale insists that Bill would have wanted him to have it. When Hank points that Bill is still alive, Dale just returns with a “Nitpicking ain’t gonna bring him back.” We head inside the house to find Bill searching under couch cushions as Hank enters. Bill grabs onto his legs begging his friend to help him search for Lenore, but Hank has had enough. He gives Bill the dose of reality he declined to give him earlier in the episode. He tells him that it’s his fixation with Lenore that is his problem and she isn’t coming back. To emphasize this he also throws the presents at the wall and stomps on them. Thankfully, he didn’t find the toaster and they were all clothes so it’s not much of a mess. Bill cries out at first, but then just looks shell-shocked. Hank sees this change as an improvement and even thinks Bill is fine. His demeanor shifts and he’s quite happy as he tells Bill he was worried for a bit since he was acting so crazy. Bill can only say “Yes,” in a monotone fashion when asked if he’s all right as Hank leaves. Once out, Bill slumps against the wall and slides to the floor defeated.

The next morning, Hank is getting what looks like a leftover pork chop out of the fridge while proudly telling Peggy how tough he had to be with Bill. Peggy actually seems worried about Bill, but Hank is not since he asked him twice if he was okay. He then sees Lenore just hanging out on top of the fridge and, rather calmly, just notes it. He brings Lenore over to Bill’s house and lets himself in. As he walks into the kitchen he puts Lenore down for he spies a woman hanging clothes in Bill’s backyard. He angrily goes out the slider and demands to know what she’s doing in Bill’s backyard, but a very, bad, female voice returns “Why Hank? Don’t you recognize me? I’m Lenore!” She turns around and we see that it’s Bill in a long dress and woman’s hat. She (he?) adds that she’s just washing her dress for Hank’s big party which causes Hank to gasp, yet again.

If Hank was at the end of his rope with Bill the night before he is now well past it.

After an act break, we find Hank demanding Bill knock it off. Bill insists that he’s Lenore, though he has trouble keeping his voice high enough to produce his “Lenore” voice. “Lenore” insists that she’s returned because she loves Bill “sooo much!” Hank can’t wrap his head around this one and brings it back around to football. He points out how Bill blocked for him when he set the single season rushing record, but that he also had to help himself by hitting find the running lanes. He says he’s blocking for Bill now, but Bill isn’t even playing the same game. Feeling he needs a sport to complete the metaphor, he just suggests Bill is playing some sort of crazy tennis. As he storms off, “Lenore” just thanks him for coming by and says “See you at the party!” Hank spins around to tell Bill that no, he is not allowed at his party, before walking off. Lenore-Bill isn’t dismayed though and just smiles to herself and notes she was already invited. Technically, Bill was already invited, but not Lenore, though Bill isn’t really in a state where he can be reasoned with right now.

It’s a nice dress, and Bill did coordinate the shoes rather well.

Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer are drinking in their favorite alley, once again, when “Lenore” comes strolling in. She’s ditched the hat, but has a very nice yellow dress instead. Lenore asks if any of these gentlemen can spare a beer for a lady and you just know that Dale cannot go along with this. When Bill insists he’s Lenore, Dale challenges him to produce Bill. “Lenore” says that Bill is in the house and offers to go get him to which Dale responds, “I’m skeptical that you could, but yet intrigued that you may.” Lenore leaves to get Bill and Dale just turns to Hank to remark that Bill has been acting weird as if he thinks no one else has noticed. Hank doesn’t even dignify this observation with a response. Lenore then returns with a sweater and a beer and says that Bill was busy wrapping presents. Then she takes a sip of her beer and does the usual “Yep,” but in the high, Lenore voice. Hank can’t do this and walks off.

Now Hank, don’t go taking out your frustrations on the potatoes.

Hank is shown massacring a potato that he’s supposed to be peeling. Peggy remarks that he’s peeling in anger and Hank confirms as much. He’s pretty sore about blowing his vacation days on Bill and in the process reveals that he had to actually help bathe the guy. Peggy is sympathetic to Bill’s plight remarking that the only way he could get over Lenore was to become her, then adds it must be a psychological thing – a classic Peggy-ism. Luanne admits she isn’t qualified for such a determination, but suggests that what Bill needs is closure adding that’s what her dead boyfriend’s angel told her. No one seems willing to touch that, but Peggy loves the suggestion and decides to invite the real Lenore to the party! Hank seems skeptical while Luanne is just worried that the two might show up in the same dress which would just be a disaster.

It’s now the evening of the Christmas party we’ve been hearing so much about. The Hill house is hopping and Hank is ladling out punch to his boss. Bud informs Hank that all of their clients have showed up tonight describing them as big fish and little fish and tells Hank it’s his job to pull him out of any conversations with the little fish. Hank tells his boss they should treat all of their clients like big fish and Bud just tells him that’s a good thing to say to the little fish before walking off. Then Bill, as Lenore, enters and everything seems to stop. Bill is wearing a purple, shoulder-less, dress and hat and upon entering Bud demands to know “what that is.” Hank just says he ordered a Santa and that there must be some mistake as he goes over to order Bill to leave. Bill just does what he’s been doing lately and insists he’s Lenore, will not be leaving, and is here to mingle. She then goes over to a table and pours herself a glass of wine while her inner Bill causes her to pick up a beer as well.

If you were hoping to catch a glimpse of the real Lenore sadly this is as close as the episode gets.

Peggy answers the phone in the kitchen and it’s the real Lenore on the other end. She shouts to Bill that Lenore is on the phone and he looks shocked. We don’t hear anything Lenore says, just Peggy’s reaction to whatever it is she is telling her, and it becomes clear that Lenore isn’t coming. Desperate, Peggy asks Lenore if she could just speak to Bill and send her love, but that’s clearly a nonstarter. Lenore hangs up, and Bill hangs his head in sorrow. With tears streaming down his face and his hands trembling, Bill tries to top off his wine glass while the other party goers look on with actual venom in their eyes. Bill turns to face them with his tear-stained face and is told to go back to Hollywood and that this isn’t the Democratic National Convention.

Why Hank Hill, aren’t you just full of surprises?

Hank has left the room at this point seeming to abandon his old friend. When it looks like things are about to get real ugly, Hank reemerges. He’s wearing what I assume is one of Peggy’s dresses and tells everyone enthusiastically, “Yeah, it’s one of those kind of parties!” Dale is both hurt and confused because this wasn’t on his invitation and he asks Hank if he gave Bill a special invitation? Bill just screeches in as high a voice as he can probably go for everyone to stop it before storming out. Hank gives chase while Peggy tries to smooth things over by asking who is up for Boggle, but no one seems interested.

This is Bill having a breakthrough. You’re just going to have to trust me on that.

Hank catches up with Bill out in the alley and tries to play by his rules. He tells Bill that he’s Lenore and he doesn’t love him. Bill still tries to insist that it is he who is Lenore, but Hank just keeps laying into him. He tells him that he’s lazy and no good. Then he adds how they fight all day and all night and that even the neighbors can hear giving us some more insight into how terrible a marriage they had. Bill has not dropped his Lenore persona and is trying to reason with Hank, bargaining, really. Obviously it’s not working, so Bill instead gets angry. He’s pretty upset that he never even got a “Dear John” letter and turns things around by yelling at “Lenore” and insisting he’s worth more than that. He tells her to leave and Hank responds by removing the dress signifying that Lenore is gone.

Bill says nothing, just removes the dress and shoes he’s been wearing. He must have been practicing to be able to walk so well in those heals. Standing in his shorts, Bill remarks to Hank that he hit rock-bottom there. Hank just confirms that he did and Bill responds that there’s no where else to go but up. Hank agrees and wishes his friend a “Merry Christmas” as the two turn to look at the stars. The camera repositions in front of the two who are just smiling as they look at the neighborhood all covered in Christmas lights. In the background, we see Dale emerge from his house in a purple dress. He sees that Hank and Bill have ditched their own and quickly turns around before the two spot him.

I think Bill looked better in a dress than Dale.

And so ends a Christmas special unlike any I can think of. It’s a pretty complex plot as we go from the uncomfortable reality that is supporting Bill around the holidays, to suicidal Bill, to Bill as Lenore, and ultimately a resolution. I said upfront that it wasn’t the most festive Christmas episode out there, but it never lets the holiday become irrelevant to the plot. It’s always there in the background and we even get to see some festive attire on the main cast during the party scene. I find it amusing that the first Christmas episode of King of Hill involved Hank losing his sight due to mental trauma and here in the second it’s Bill losing his sense of self and becoming his ex. That is, if you believe him. I think the show is pretty clear that Bill knows what he’s doing the whole time. He’s probably more in control than he lets on, but at the same time, he’s also out of answers and willing to try something drastic in order to cling to the memory of his wife.

Bill is a very sad man, but one played for laughs. The show is very careful with his portrayal here so that I think we can feel bad for him while also laughing at him. He needs help, but as Hank observed, he also needs to help himself and he’s basically unwilling to do that. Maybe turning to a pet was actually a start, though naming the pet after his ex-wife undermined that. A huge amount of credit needs to go to Stephen Root who is so wonderful as Bill. It’s one of those voice performances where uninformed people are surprised to see who the actor is behind the role. He must be appreciated by Mike Judge given the role he played in Office Space, and like a lot of this cast, it would be hard to imagine anyone else playing Bill as well or as convincing as Root.

I think we witnessed Bill come real close to getting murdered.

What it comes down to with this episode of King of the Hill is are you able to find humor in suicide and depression? If you can’t that is understandable and you will want to avoid this episode of King of the Hill. I think it arguably gets a little darker during the party when it looks like Bill is about to get lynched for presenting as a woman. Transgender rights weren’t as forefront in 1998 as they are now, but this episode did air just over two months after the murder of Matthew Shepard. King of the Hill rarely shows the ugly side of Texas when it comes to such things. Usually, the show delights in playing against expectations, but in that scene they presented a gathering of people who almost all seemed united in wanting to inflict harm on a biological male who dared to identify as a woman. It reads a lot heavier than maybe the show intended.

Even so, I think this is a very funny episode of King of the Hill. I find Bill’s halfhearted attempts at ending his life harmless and the reactions of those around him are also pretty damn amusing. It’s not a typical holly, jolly, Christmas episode, but it does have a happy ending and no one is irreparably harmed. Well, maybe Mrs. Tobbis. It was a real dick move on the part of Peggy to offer up her phone number to Bill. If you want to catch this episode, it’s currently streaming on Hulu with the rest of the series or on Disney+ depending on your location or subscription. If physical media is more your thing then it’s also available with the rest of Season Three on DVD.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 12 – Regular Show – “The Christmas Special”

I have a pretty tremendous blind spot for most animated shows produced between 2005-2015. If it was a show animated and marketed at adults, then I might have checked it out. If it was a show created primarily for kids and not based on some existing IP I knew from my childhood then I almost…

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by Joe December 12, 2023December 6, 2023

Dec. 12 – A Very Venture Christmas

This one has been a long time coming. One of my all-time favorite television shows is The Venture Bros., but it’s a show I really haven’t spent much time discussing on this blog. I guess because I view it as contemporary, even though the pilot premiered almost 20 years ago now. For most of this…

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by Joe December 12, 2022December 11, 2022

Dec. 12 – Bob’s Burgers – “The Bleakening”

All right, we’ve been at this for a few years now so you probably don’t need much of a primer on Bob’s Burgers, right? The animated sitcom which is shockingly in its 12th season (shocking because it still feels new to me) has become a reliable spot for Christmas fun each and every year. The…

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by Joe December 12, 2021May 3, 2023

1 Comment | tags: 20th century television, bill dauterive, brittany murphy, christmas, christmas specials, fox, kathy najimy, king of the hill, mike judge, pamela adlon, stephen root | posted in christmas, Television

December 10, 2024

Dec. 10 – Family Guy – “The First No L”

By Joe

It was a week ago that we took a look at the Seth MacFarlane produced American Dad! and I remarked it had been a minute since we did an American Dad! Christmas episode. Well, it’s been even longer for the MacFarlane original, Family Guy, the show that was famously unloved, cancelled, and then brought back from the dead. It’s pretty incredible that Family Guy is now over 400 episodes in total. It’s also somewhat appropriate that we look at another Christmas episode from the show in the year 2024 as, for the first time since its revival, it feels like Family Guy may be in some jeopardy. That’s because Fox kicked it out of its Animation Domination Sunday night block and moved the show to Wednesdays. As of this writing, Family Guy has not been renewed past its current season, but that’s not unusual for the current television landscape. If Wikipedia can be trusted, the show was threatening to dip below 1 million viewers per episode when last season ended, would dropping below that merit cancellation? Basically all shows on TV are seeing gradual declines in ratings (The Simpsons dipped below 2 million for the first time in its existence during the 2023-24 season) so it’s hard to tell just what warrants cancellation or renewal these days, but a major shakeup like moving from Sunday to Wednesday is something worth monitoring for fans of the show.

When I first started doing this Christmas countdown, I had the very first Family Guy Christmas episode in my top 25. It has since been removed, though not because I dislike the episode now, I just feel there are specials out there that are better. I don’t always make it a point to check out what Family Guy is doing around Christmas, but this 2020 episode was one that I did view in its initial run and it remained in my memory because of how similar it is to the very first Family Guy Christmas episode. Any show that has been on for hundreds of episodes is bound to repeat itself, but it’s especially amusing when the subject matter is the same. In the very first Family Guy Christmas episode, Lois (Alex Borstein) does her best to make sure the family has a great Christmas only to be undermined at every turn by her useless, selfish, family. She snaps and goes on a rampage until the family can restore her Christmas spirit. In this episode, Lois is going to basically do the same thing, but the snap comes in the first act. Then we get to see the rest of the family try to have a merry Christmas without her.

A joke so good we’re going to do it twice!

The episode begins in standard fashion. No overlays of snow on the song and dance number, no dressing-up of the title. The episode begins with an exterior shot of the Griffin household sparsely covered in snow. Inside, the family is watching The Today Show which features an announcer pointing out that former host Matt Lauer is watching from outside their Times Square studio. The two hosts are shown reading off benign holiday stories while Lauer lightly bangs on the glass from outside and asks if they’re still mad at him. He was fired by the show for being a sex creep.

If they really wanted to torture Lois they would have shown her trying to get this box out of the attic. The hard part is already done.

Lois then comes down the stairs dragging a very heavy box of Christmas decorations. She’s clearly struggling with it as she swears between each movement. What she is saying is a mystery since it’s bleeped, even though I’m watching on Hulu (I guess since it’s not TV-MA they have to bleep it?). When she finally gets to the bottom of the stairs, Peter plainly remarks “That looks heavy,” but Lois just cheerfully announces that the sound of her dragging a really heavy box of Christmas decorations down the stairs can only mean one thing – Christmas! Peter corrects her and says he knew it was Christmas because the “O” in Pornhub changed into a wreath recently and son Chris (Seth Green) responds, “Same” and they share a fist-bump. Father and son bonding over their shared interest in pornography really puts one in the Christmas spirit. I feel the need to point out that Peter made a very similar observation in another Christmas episode, only it was with Instagram Porn Stars in Santa hats instead of Pornhub.

Lois then makes the announcement that she wants the family to help out with Christmas this year. Peter informs her that won’t be happening because they split everything 0 – 100, he being the zero contributor and she 100, like most couples (Peter’s words, not mine). Lois ignores him and continues to say she also wants a real Christmas present this year and not some clearance, misprint, shirt from Marshall’s. Peter then holds up a t-shirt and says, “But you love the Roling Stons,” and he has the defective merch to prove it. We’re doing a bit here. Lois again ignores him and instead hands out a list of chores for each member of the family. Peter’s rebuttal this time is he can’t do any chores because his trick elbow is acting up. He then turns to Chris and pushes a playing card out from between his forearm and bicep and asks, “Is this your card?” When Chris says it is not Peter quips “Oh no it’s worse than I thought!” Lois just keeps setting him up and Peter keeps…knocking them down?

A character getting their identity stolen from a fraudulent ATM could be the plot of a Christmas episode for some shows, but on *Family Guy* it can be a quick joke.

We cut to downtown Quahog which is tastefully decorated for the upcoming holiday. Peter and the kids pull into a strip mall to do their shopping. Brian (MacFarlane) asks why they’re doing their shopping here and Peter informs him it’s because the gas ran out here. Chris tells him he needs to get that gas gauge fixed, but Peter rhetorically asks him “Do you want the gas gauge fixed or a year of Quibi?” Chris, wisely, chooses the gas gauge. Remember Quibi? Crazy how dated an episode from 2020 can already feel. Meg (Mila Kunis) assures the family they can find everything on their mother’s list here, while Stewie decides this is the right moment for him to get a line in by saying this place better have Baby Yoda toys or else…he’ll probably just get something with Spider-Man on it. Peter then leads the group to a freestanding ATM and points out how dangerous and terrible an idea it is to use such things. It eats his card and he gets a phone call to which he answers “Peter Griffin. Oh, not anymore?”

One of those stock jokes that could appear in any episode. The only requirement is that Peter needs to at least mention H&R Block.

Peter leads the family into a greeting card store and announces that this is a place to look at cards while releasing tiny farts. The family does this, until Meg unleashes a more pronounced fart that the clerk (Chris Parnell” objects to announcing that this store is for tiny farts only and directs her to Lids for her big, juicy, farts. Peter then heads to an H&R Block to get what I suppose is a very early start on his taxes. He addresses the clerk (Mark Hentemann) and asks how much the H charges, then how much R charges, then inquires if R knows that H has a side thing going on with M? He then mentions the store H&M suggesting he is not entirely confident in his joke being understood. The clerk seems concerned and suggests he has no idea what Peter is talking about. Then a giant, letter, R (Rachael MacFarlane) with lipstick comes out of an office and asks if H is back yet? Then H (Ralph Garman) enters wearing a designer shirt purchased at a fraction of the price with lipstick on the collar. R accuses H of cheating on her and H suggests he wanted to get caught and we suddenly have a suicide joke as R blows her brains out. H drops to his knees wailing “Why? Why?” A letter Y then emerges from the bathroom and asks, “What’s up? I was just taking a pee” Then a letter P pops in and says, “Someone called?” Peter then looks at the camera and informs the audience that sometimes the writers let him write his own skits. It’s an attempt to save this half-cooked idea of a joke, but doesn’t exactly redeem it.

We then return to the Griffin house and Lois is watching CBS This Morning with Charlie Rose lurking outside. It’s the exact same joke as the Lauer one, only now it’s Charlie Rose. The family enters the house noticeably empty-handed. Lois is pissed and starts listing off all of the stuff they were supposed to either purchase or put out. Peter assures her he has everything under control and then takes off. Time passes and it’s night time. The Griffin house is now covered in snow and the family is inside enjoying a quiet moment by a roaring fire. Peter then enters dramatically with a big tree at his side. Lois runs over and gives him a hug. As she tells him she loves him, the word “Peter” just keeps repeating. We dissolve to find it’s Lois calling his name while beating on the window of the family station wagon while Peter sleeps in the driver’s seat.

A chance to get some more characters some face-time.

Lois demands to know what’s going on as Peter wakes up. He explains he fell asleep after rubbing one out to Madonna’s “Santa Baby.” He then announces that tonight’s “Date Night” has been cancelled due to lack of interest. Lois storms back into the house irate that no one is stepping up and helping her out with Christmas like she wanted. She directs her anger at Brian claiming he’s supposed to be the smart one and punctuates it with a “Bad dog!” He whimpers on the floor like an actual dog – I do always find it amusing when Brian behaves like a dog would. Lois then demands to know who got candy cane all over the couch and Peter begins to mimic Brian by whimpering on the floor. Lois declares she’s had it and will be leaving the family for Christmas to spend it in Cabo with her cousins. Quagmire (MacFarlane) then cartoonishly just pops in thinking she’s leaving Peter, but she corrects him. Then Mort (Johnny Brennan) shows up in a manner identical to Quagmire thinking that Lois plans to ruin Christmas by covering over the town’s decorations. This excites him on account of him being Jewish. When Lois corrects him, a deaf woman (Marlee Matlin) pops in to inquire if she’s doing deaf jokes. Lois says no to the deaf jokes and the woman has to break the news to the classic character Greased-Up Deaf Guy (Mike Henry), who also just pops into the house unannounced. Peter then corrects them and says “I think we are doing deaf jokes, at this point.”

We next find the Griffins seated on the couch in front of the TV without their matriarch. Lois has seemingly followed through on her threat to spend Christmas in Cabo with family so Peter decides that to get revenge they’ll delete all of her favorite programs from the DVR. Chris announces that he would like to be the one who gets to delete The Crown, claiming his mother never watched it and was just stockpiling all the episodes on the DVR preventing him from watching Modern Family. Again, crazy how dated something from just a couple of years ago can feel. When Chris tries to delete The Crown he’s just confronted with a never-ending assortment of prompts confirming that he actually wants to delete the very prestigious show. This eventually leads to a prompt that tells Chris that he actually can’t delete the program so he rips out the cable box and smashes it on the floor in a fit of rage. We then hear the television impossibly announce “We now return to The Crown,” even though television stopped doing that 30 years ago, if not more. Some unintelligible British voices filter out of the TV and Chris is forced to confess he kind of likes it. Peter says the same and adds “It’s because I’m trash and I love how fancy it is.”

Thank goodness the dog is here to prevent Peter from murdering his children.

Meg is the one who points out that none of this will help them save Christmas. The kids turn to their father for advice, but his only suggestion is for everyone to go kneel in front of the holes he dug for them suggesting a murder-suicide is on the table. Brian emerges removing a baseball bat from Peter’s hands and tries to convince everyone they can handle this. Peter just announces his Plan B, which is to take opiates and listen to records. We cut to him drooling in his lounge chair listening to some bad jazz or something. The camera zooms out to reveal Stewie and Brian standing next to him with Stewie announcing, “It’s been four days.”

Lois didn’t really go to Mexico, she just wants to punish her family with her absence and watch them unravel from a cheap motel. Fiendishly clever!

We next head to the outskirts of town to check-in on Lois. She is not in Cabo as she threatened, but actually at a cheap motel that’s high enough in elevation that she can view her family through the window with binoculars. After remarking just how good her binoculars are, she spies Peter bringing in a very dead tree into the house and the family looking excited by it. She suspects that she’ll get a phone call any minute now from them begging her to come back and save Christmas. While she waits, she decides to relax on the bed and turns on the TV. A voiceover (John Viener, I think) coming from the TV welcomes her to the hotel and announces their stationary is the best in the industry for recording suicide notes. More suicide jokes – hooray! Lois announces her plan will work perfectly and intends to “Wait like a cobra.” This is the spot for a traditional Family Guy cutaway gag of a Cobra (Alec Sulkin) waiting for his table at the bar. A waitress (Rachael MacFarlane) asks if he would like her to bring his drink to his table for him and he replies that he would and points out his lack of hands. This might be the worst cut-away gag I’ve ever seen on this show.

Poor Peter. It’s so hard being a white man in 2020 New England.

Back at the house, everyone is outside putting up the decorations. Peter announces it’s time to put out the 2020 version of their decorations and then begins listing off the figurines he’s placing in a manger scene: ethnically accurate baby Jesus, Father Mary, Mother Josephine, the three genderless wise people on their scooters, Tig Notaro (for some reason), and the Little Drummer Them. He then adds, “Because, God forbid, we call a boy a boy.” Chris tries to confront his dad on his apparent transphobia and he erupts shouting “I don’t like what the world is! I’m white! When’s it going to be our turn?!” This does feel pretty authentic for the Peter character. Brian tries to calm him down, but Peter doesn’t see how that’s possible without “the woman who normally takes care of all of this.” He either doesn’t appreciate Lois to the point where he can’t remember her name, or he’s so mad at her that he doesn’t even want to address her by her name. Both seem plausible. Brian asks if he means Lois and he just refers to her as the redhead with the voice. He then starts tossing decorations over his shoulder as he goes through them remarking how she would put them up until one of the kids points out that he did it.

The family turns to look at the house and the decorations are shown to have miraculously landed precisely where they were supposed to. Peter declares it perfect as the whole family basks in the festive glow of the holiday display. His cell phone then goes off and it’s Quagmire. He requests Peter dim the lights because he’s presently in bed “with a three and light isn’t doing her any favors.” We then cut to Lois in shock as she views the family’s accomplishment. She is then interrupted as the letter H from earlier mistakenly enters her room with his side piece, M. He sees Lois and then apologizes adding, “We’re excited because my wife just killed herself.” Why are we returning to this joke?

Just because it’s Christmas doesn’t mean the show is going lay off Meg.

It’s time for a holiday montage! Set to an instrumental version of “Deck the Halls” that’s heavy on saxophone, we find the Griffin family in their living room as Peter holds up a holiday movie: Christmas with the Kranks. He inserts it into the DVD player and we then see the family relaxing with the glow of a fire cast on them. We zoom out to see that Peter actually set the movie on fire. As someone who has seen the film, I approve. We then check out Peter hanging the stockings. The kids nod in approval before Peter hangs up the last one which is for “Dad’s gym friend Emilio who he goes to Greece with every summer.” Apparently, Peter is a closet homosexual who cheats on his wife – I suppose that explains his disinterest in her. We pan out and Emilio (presumably) is revealed to be standing behind Peter in just his boxer shorts. He gestures to Peter who playfully waves him off to the shock of his children. It’s now time for Christmas dinner and Peter is preparing to cut the ham. As the camera moves across the table it’s revealed that there is a live pig in one of the chairs. Peter reacts with surprise and runs to the oven only to find he mistakenly cooked Meg instead of the pig. Whoops!

The only thing Lois has accomplished is showing the family that it can thrive at Christmas without her.

Time to check-in on Lois once again. She is aghast to find the family having a snowball fight in the front yard. Tom Tucker (MacFarlane) and a news van are even onsite to document this. Lois then observes the family standing hand-in-hand while Peter says “I love you,” to his kids, but in slow-motion. Lois suggests the kids better not return the sentiment in slow-motion as well to emphasize her horror so of course they do. “That’s it,” she shouts as the camera zooms in on her rage with a rack focus technique so that she can inform us that she must stop Christmas! She’s interrupted by the sound of a fart from the room next to hers. She pounds on the wall and shouts “What do you think this is? A Lids?!” The logo for the store is superimposed over the screen while the announcer voice chimes in with “Lids: come get a camouflaged Knicks hat and let one rip!” The clerk from earlier told Meg to go fart in Lids. Did someone have a particularly bad experience in a Lids? I don’t get it. I don’t think I’m supposed to.

You just can’t take the “Mom” out of Lois, even when she’s trying to be bad.

Well, there is only one place for this story to go. Lois shows up at the house decked out in Grinch attire. Before she can get down to business, her cab driver (Viener) has to bid her farewell while sharing his unprompted racial stereotypes about people from Turkey. She enters through the chimney intent on ruining Christmas, but then spies all of the dirty dishes left out. Lois does the dishes and then tells herself she won’t even think about the grocery situation, but then of course she open the fridge to find it nearly empty. We cut to her coming through the back door with two bags of groceries, but now she’s dragged in mud so she has to mop the floor. Once finished with that she seems ready to resume (well, start) ruining Christmas, but then she tells herself not to think about checking the washer to see if they left the wet clothes in it without transferring to the dryer. Of course she checks and finds what she expected and remedies that situation like she did the others.

They’ll both never speak of this again, it would seem.

With the clothes properly sorted, we can finally go into the “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch” parody segment we all expected. It’s an instrumental version of the song and as it plays Lois creeps around miming the Grinch from the far more famous television special. There aren’t really any jokes as she just does exactly what the Grinch does, though she does pause to do a hideous version of the Grinch smile so there’s your joke. As she stuffs up the tree, she’s interrupted by a little girl asking “Santa Claus?” Well, actually, it’s Stewie and he’s dressed like little Cindy Lou Who from the special. He asks why Santa is taking the tree, but Lois just responds by asking why he’s in pigtails and a little girl’s nightgown. Stewie, realizing he’s in over his head, just suggests they both forget what they saw tonight and heads back up the stairs.

You know, this whole time I’ve definitely been asking myself, “What’s Quagmire doing at Christmas?”

We now head outside and the house looks to be in disarray now that Lois has effectively stolen Christmas. We see her creeping down the sidewalk with all of the Christmas stuff as the show decides that now is the right moment to check-in on Quagmire. He’s all alone in his house and remarks how he dislikes being alone on Christmas so he whips out his phone and calls someone named Joan. He asks if he has a payment due on his Discover card. Based on what follows, we can assume that Joan asked if he’s alone on Christmas and Quagmire denies it. He says he’s with his very large family, but she asks him for names. We don’t actually hear anything from Joan, just Quagmire’s responses, but he basically repeats all of her questions so we don’t have to guess. He lists off obvious fake names (Bloofus and Klunt) for his kids and when she doesn’t believe him he starts smashing stuff around his house and blaming the kids. She doesn’t buy it and Quagmire is forced to hastily retreat from the conversation and hang up. I’m guessing the episode came in a little short and Quagmire was called on to fill some time.

Is this the part where they join hands and sing?

The next morning, the family rises to find that Christmas has been stolen. They’re pretty shocked, but Peter has a solution: everyone kneel in front of daddy’s pre-dug hole. That’s his solution for everything! Brian then tells Peter this is all his fault for getting rid of the Ring camera. We jump back via cut-away to Lois entering the house wondering who crapped in front of their door. She pulls out her cell phone to check the Ring camera, but Peter slaps the phone out of her hand and smashes it. He tells her that whoever it was probably had no choice because their family was using all of the bathrooms.

Lois may have failed to inflict misery upon her family, but at least she taught them to appreciate her.

Lois is shown arriving via cab, and before she enters the house she puts on a sombrero and poncho to play up the ruse she was on vacation. The family is watching a Tony Bennett (RIP) Christmas special and we see Tony badly singing “Jingle Bells” and falling asleep mid song. The bit continues with an announcer saying to stay-tuned for a duet with Willie Nelson. We then cut to the two of them asleep. They wake up and start performing different songs. They’re both very old. Lois enters the home and Peter welcomes her back by pointing out he cleaned and bought groceries, but unfortunately Christmas was stolen. Lois has to feign shock, but then is really surprised when she finds out that not everything was stolen. It turns out, they got her a present, but since they didn’t think she’d be home for Christmas it was kept upstairs. The kids retrieve it and Lois is forced to read the card out loud. It’s played straight and thoughtful, but the gag is that it’s going to just go on and on. She has to read the inner card, the back, and even some stuff hidden by a black light while sad music from This is Us plays. I’ve never watched the show so I don’t know if the sad music is authentic, but whatever.

Lois is moved to tears and finally opens the gift to find a misshapen bowl. Meg tells her they all took a pottery class and made it for her. Despite the bowl looking terrible, it affects Lois. This is the part where the narrator comes in to inform us that Lois’ heart grew three sizes that day complete with overlay as seen in The Grinch. We then smash cut to Lois unconscious in a hospital bed because your heart tripling in size is actually a bad thing. The doctor (MacFarlane) is there to tell us she’s lucky to be alive, and then soon leaves the scene allowing the family to all hug Lois while Peter declares it the best Christmas ever! The narrator returns to inform us that Lois is happy this medical emergency covered up her crimes. We’re told Lois never came clean and instead their Muslim neighbor was arrested for the crime and deported back to Turkey. Another voice chimes in, “See? What did I tell you? Always Turkey!” It’s the voice of Lois’ cab driver from earlier who shared his views on race unprompted with her.

This episode basically had to end with another double-up on a past joke. It’s clearly something the writers are fond of.

We’re not done yet! We return to the Griffin house and everyone is seated in the living room by a replaced Christmas tree. Peter says he’s glad to have Lois back so he doesn’t have to keep doing dishes and buying groceries, much to her annoyance since it was Lois who did those things. The family then challenges her on her alibi and asks her to come up with names for the cousins she was supposedly visiting the whole time. Predictably, she hastily comes up with the same names Quagmire did earlier: Bloofus and Klunt. She even says she thinks she hears them upstairs. She runs upstairs and we stay with the rest of the family as they listen in on Lois narrating the carnage being spread by Bloofus and Klunt. She smashes a diorama Meg made which was due the next day and also Stewie’s aquarium containing the fish you have to feed so damn much and they die anyway. Stewie is apparently buying this charade as he remarks, “Fricken’ Klunt, man.” She then gets to Peter and his discreet box of pills. He races upstairs, but can’t beat “Bloofus” to the toilet who flushes them away.

Lois just wanted some help around the holidays and is basically punished throughout the episode for that.

And that’s how Lois stole Christmas and got away with it! Well, she did get hospitalized as a result of her scheme and I bet the resulting medical debt was crippling to a family like the Griffins, but she still technically got away with it. I like this one as a companion to “A Very Special Family Guy Freakin’ Christmas” as it’s a 2020 take on that 2001 episode. The show and the depiction of the family has changed so much since then. They’re basically all worse people, though really only Peter and Lois are on display in this episode. The kids are mostly window dressing and Brian is still in his role of arbiter and moral compass. It’s still a familiar premise of underappreciated mother figure getting the shaft at Christmas. Only Lois tries to combat this with subterfuge and is basically punished for it. Just not all the way punished since her family is basically none the wiser. Though they do border on accusatory in that final scene, but then appear to accept Bloofus and Klunt.

There are some good jokes here and some not so good ones. Family Guy is a show that tries to overload its running time with as many jokes as possible. It’s quantity over quality. If I’m being honest, the strategy doesn’t work too well here as there’s a lot of groan-inducing jokes. And this particular episode apparently either didn’t know which ones were going to land, or felt that a bad joke could be improved by repetition. We return to the stupid joke with the personified letters as well as the discarded television show hosts. The observational humor the show tries for with the ATM machine is just okay, while Peter’s insecurity via the nativity scene was decent. The suicide jokes were numerous and even American Dad! loves those in their Christmas episodes so I guess it’s a MacFarlane thing? I liked the repeated gag of Peter’s suicide solution, but not so much the rest.

If they wanted to make an image creepier than the original then mission accomplished!

If you are a fan of Family Guy then I think this episode lands as “just okay.” The show has better Christmas episodes like its inaugural one and “The Road to the North Pole.” Those are the only two I watch each year and if it weren’t for “The Road…” being an hour long I’d have covered it in this space by now. Instead, I did the one that parodies The Grinch because I am a sucker for that. In terms of Grinch parodies though, this one isn’t that great because it just doesn’t use the opportunity to make a new joke. We just get a visual gag of Lois trying to smile like the Grinch and Stewie being confronted by his choice of evening wear. The Quagmire bit that followed was pure throw-away too, but I guess we needed it to setup the final scene.

If you would like to watch “The First No L” then the easiest way to do so is via Hulu or Disney+ depending on where you reside or subscription plan. Family Guy still airs in syndication as well for you cable subscribers and this episode is likely being shown somewhere this December. If you, however, only have room in your schedule for one Christmas episode with the Griffins, then you can probably do better than this one.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 10 – Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire

Today, we return to my best Christmas specials of all-time list with television’s first family: The Simpsons. The Simpsons are the brainchild of series creator Matt Groening who allegedly came up with the idea as a spur of the moment one when he needed something to pitch to the Fox Network. He essentially based The…

by Joe December 10, 2023December 1, 2023

Dec. 10 – A Chipmunk Christmas

Alvin and the Chipmunks is one of the oldest, family-owned, pieces of intellectual property left in the world. And it might not be for much longer as the franchise is reportedly up-for-sale and has been since last year, but as-of this writing nothing has been agreed upon. The Chipmunks date back to the 1958 novelty…

by Joe December 10, 2022December 11, 2023

Dec. 10 – It’s a SpongeBob Christmas!

For December 10, we are returning to the theme of this year which is to revisit the best of the best. When I originally ranked my favorite Christmas specials, I had the recently released It’s a SpongeBob Christmas! ranked at #19. The years have been kind to this throwback Christmas special as last year I…

by Joe December 10, 2021May 3, 2023

1 Comment | tags: 20th century television, animated sitcoms, christmas, christmas specials, family guy, fox, peter griffin, seth macfarlane | posted in christmas, Television

December 9, 2024

Dec. 9 – South Park – “Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson”

By Joe

It was a few years ago that South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone gave an interview to Entertainment Weekly in which they picked their favorite and least favorite episodes of the long running show. I couldn’t find an active link for that interview, but it’s covered in various other places on the web and part of the reason why is because the two shared a somewhat controversial take on the first three seasons of the show: they stink. Parker went so far as to say he wishes those first three seasons could be permanently erased from existence. They did select one season two episode as being one of their favorites, but it was the Terrance and Philip episode that was basically a giant troll job by the show (viewers tuned in expecting a resolution to a cliffhanger, only to get an episode about two Canadians who fart a lot). Even though the first three seasons are pretty juvenile and raunchy for the sake of being raunchy, it must not be that aspect that Parker and Stone take umbrage with since they’re still sticking with that Season Two stinker.

Despite what the creators think, I think there’s plenty of good stuff to be found in the early days of South Park. I would agree it’s not as consistent and there probably are more duds in those seasons than what followed in the next three, but that’s hardly atypical for any long-running show. The Simpsons needed to figure things out in its first three seasons too before hitting a stride that wouldn’t let up for several years. South Park had a similar run and long-time fans like me probably feel like the show fell off at some point. As reliant on being “random” and offensive as the first three seasons were, other later era South Park episodes became so fixated at parodying something in the news that they often felt forced.

Season Two of South Park can be a bit of a slog at times. I like some episodes in it, but even back in the 90s it felt like the show lost a little steam during the second batch of episodes. And who could blame it? South Park struck hot and Comedy Central demanded more episodes while the parent company set its sights on a feature film. Parker and Stone, responsible for the bulk of the writing, direction, and voice acting, were working on a television show and a movie simultaneously. The writers on The Simpsons described a similar situation as being truly exhausting when that show made a movie to the point where most never want to do it again, and that was a movie with about a dozen writers.

Perhaps then it comes as no surprise that the show’s second Christmas episode isn’t the most beloved. Is it the show’s worst Christmas episode? Honestly, it might be, though part of that depends on how much you like the musical that follows in Season Three. It’s an episode that takes a somewhat generic Christmas plot about someone finding the true meaning of Christmas, and applies it to a truly wretched human being. That’s the sort of stuff early South Park did for shock value as who wouldn’t be taken aback watching the convicted murderer Charles Manson sing a Christmas carol? It’s about as subversive as making a Santa-like being a literal piece of shit, and now we’re going to turn another piece of shit into a Christmas devotee.

Stan’s mom won’t let him go to Nebraska with his friends because…it’s Christmas? Near Christmas? I don’t know.

The episode begins with the conventional, Season Two, opening. When the song is over, we find young Stan Marsh (Parker) in his living room in the midst of an argument with his mother (Mary Kay Bergman). Stan has been invited to travel with his friends to Nebraska where Cartman’s grandmother lives for the weekend. Stan’s mom understandably doesn’t want him to go since it’s the holidays or something (it’s hard to pinpoint the exact day here), and looks to her husband for some help. Only she phrases it poorly and instead directs her son to ask his dad if it’s okay and Randy (Parker) predictably doesn’t care and says it’s fine. Stan’s mom still says “No” so Stan tells her off and heads for his room. Once there, he grabs his backpack and mutters how he doesn’t need his stupid family and exits out the window.

Ah, the annual South Park Christmas Elephant Parade!

Outside Cartman’s house, Kyle (Stone) and Kenny (Stone) are being dropped off by their parents as they apparently got the okay to travel to Nebraska with the Cartmans. Kyle’s family doesn’t care about it interfering with Christmas since they’re Jewish while Kenny’s family is just hoping he can smuggle home some turkey for them. Stan then shows up to the surprise of the other boys who somehow found out he couldn’t go, or they just expected his mother to say “No.” Stan, understandably, wants to get moving so he just heads straight for the car. Cartman then goes to hop into the front seat, but finds Kenny already there which pisses him off because he’s a spoiled little piece of shit. He tries to tempt Kenny to vacate the shotgun position by saying there’s a sale on orange jackets down the street and also by claiming there’s an elephant parade taking place. When neither works, Cartman pulls a dollar out of his pocket and tosses it like a kid playing fetch with a dog. That works and Cartman smiles at himself for his fast thinking and also calls Kenny a poor piece of crap. As the car pulls away, an elephant parade can be seen taking place in the background.

I don’t think Stan and Kyle thought this whole thing through. Kenny, on the other hand, just wants a hot meal.

With the car in motion, it dawns on the kids to ask how long it’s going to take to get there. Cartman’s mom, Liane (Bergman), informs them it’s about six hours to grandma’s house and the kids are immediately dismayed. Cartman’s mom suggests they could pass the time by singing and Stan enthusiastically responds in the negative to that idea, but Cartman and his mom just start singing “Over the meadow and through the woods to grandmother’s house we go,” as we head to a break. When the break is over, we find out 4 hours have passed with Cartman and his mom just singing the same two lines over and over. Kyle starts to quietly ask them to please stop, but since they can’t hear him he just kicks Cartman’s seat so hard it sends him into the dashboard. Neither he nor his mom realize what happened and they blame it on the road while the boys in the backseat are relieved for the momentary silence. I’m left to wonder what’s in this for Stan and Kyle? Surely they can’t imagine a trip with the Cartmans to Nebraska is going to be something special.

Mr. Hankey better be careful, he’s really infringing on Santa’s racket.

Cartman’s mom announces they’re about to enter Nebraska and when they do the background goes from snow to brown crops and a slow, twangy, banjo, theme enters. The boys are unimpressed, but Cartman’s mom tries to explain Nebraska’s local agriculture until her son rudely tells her to shut up. The boys soon have their attention sapped away by a billboard advertising Mr. Hankey at a local mall. Apparently, the events of last year’s Christmas special have raised his profile considerable so Mr. Hankey isn’t just a Christmas icon in South Park, but the whole country. The kids all want to go and Cartman’s mom is happy to inform them that Cartman’s grandma lives near that particular mall. Cartman then asks his mother why his grandmother has to live so far away? He doesn’t like driving six, god, damn hours to get a present and would rather they just stick grandma in a nursing home close to them. His mom tells him they need to get him out of his grumpy mood and she knows the best way: through song! The two begin singing their awful song again, much to the chagrin of the boys in the backseat.

Cartman’s great grandmother mistakes Kyle for Cartman. This hits home because my own great grandmother did this to one of my friends. She at least didn’t smell like piss.

The long ride finally ends and the boys practically run out of the car to get away from Cartman and his mother’s singing. Unfortunately for them, things aren’t really going to get any better. Cartman goes racing up to the front door shouting “Grandma!” over and over. A large, old, man who basically looks like Cartman answers the door and soon Cartman’s grandma (Bergman) appears as well. She informs him that she got him a present and the little boy starts rubbing his hands together. When she says it’s inside, he shoves her out of the way and off the stoop and barges in. The rest of the crew follows and Cartman’s mom introduces the boys to the Cartman family. They basically all look like Eric Cartman, just older and fatter. Great Grandma Florence (Parker) then hobbles over and mistakes Kyle for Eric and gives him a big hug. He manages to wriggle away and informs Stan she smells like pee and vitamins.

Eric got a shirt for a present. I’m sure he will be very appreciative.

With the introductions out of the way, it’s time for Eric’s present. His grandma hands him a box and he rips into it only to discover it’s a shirt. His grandma tells him she thought it would look really good on him, but Cartman is not to be consoled. He angrily cries out that he drove 9 hours through butt-fuck nowhere for a god damn shirt! He then tells his mom grandma has gone senile and demands that she be stuck in a nursing home! No one reacts to Cartman’s outburst though as they seemingly all enable his awful behavior. I do question the wisdom of his grandma though to get him a shirt for Christmas. My grandmother was always keenly aware that kids do not want clothes, she she would give us the clothes first and then the toys. Maybe Cartman’s grandma knows he’s a little piece of shit and this is a troll job.

It’s just an entire house full of Cartmans. Stan and Kyle definitely didn’t think this through.

We hard cut from that to a dinner scene. All of the Cartman’s are seated along a long table, including Eric who is in his new shirt. Cartman’s grandfather mentions how the holidays are a time for family which Stan angrily objects to. When they ask him why he says his family is dead! Cartman’s mom apologizes to Stan for the death of his family while Kyle is smart enough to ask a follow-up question to which Stan replies “they’re dead to me,” which should clear things up a bit. Eric, meanwhile, can’t believe he got a shirt for Christmas and his mom apparently made him wear it to dinner.

Meet Uncle Howard. We don’t know why he’s in prison, but it sure seems like he’s been there awhile.

Cartman’s mom then asks Kyle if he wouldn’t mind holding Grandma Florence’s catheter bag at dinner. He is understandably repulsed by this and the bag is quite full. Normally, people just strap those things to their leg or something. Cartman’s grandfather (Parker) then draws attention to the fact that everyone is present, including Cartman’s Uncle Howard (Parker) appearing live via satellite from prison. The boys are pretty surprised by this and Cartman confirms he does this every year. His grandma remarks to Howard that he looks good and he just shouts back “No I don’t!” He’s probably right. Cartman’s cousin Elvin, a toddler who has a taste for Fudgsicles, throws his tasty treat at the TV seemingly not supportive of his uncle being here. Cartman’s grandma then asks her mother, Flo, if she could say “Grace.” Flo responds, “God damnit, why the hell do I always have to say ‘Grace’? If one more person asks me to say ‘Grace” I’ll be like, ‘Hey!, I’m not saying ‘Grace,’ and if you ask me again I’ll kick you straight in the nuts!'” She holds up a fork in a threatening manner for added emphasis, and when her rant is over Cartman just says “Amen,” and the rest of the family follows. They all dig in and start eating like savages, which the boys can scarcely believe. Jimmy, the family dog, then starts begging beside Grandpa who goes into a “No Jimmy, that’s my pot pie,” echoing a familiar refrain we’ve seen in the past with Eric. The whole family joins in telling Jimmy that’s Grandpa’s pot pie all in the same Cartman way. Stan confesses he doesn’t know how much more of this he can take. Meanwhile, Kenny is seen stuffing food into a paper bag.

Hey look everybody, Uncle Howard is home! And he brought a friend! And his friend is…oh…oh God, no…

That night, we find the boys asleep in the basement. Kyle wakes up screaming and when the others ask what’s wrong he says he had a nightmare that he was trapped in a house full of Cartmans. When Stan tells him that he is trapped in a house full of Cartmans he resumes screaming. His screaming is interrupted by a crashing sound. Stan pinches Cartman to make sure he isn’t dreaming, then to be sure Kyle punches him in the face to doublecheck. Eric is getting pissed off and then Kenny punches him too. The boys soon realize they’re not alone and Eric turns on the light to find it’s Uncle Howard. He apparently busted out of prison which the boys think is pretty cool. He tells them not to let the rest of the family knows he’s there and informs them that they’ll be hanging out in the basement with them. When Eric asks who “they” refer to by asking if he has a turd in his pocket (a zinger he’s used before), his question is answered by another fellow entering through the window. He’s a haggard, bearded, man with a swastika carved into his head and a prisoner number of 06660. He introduces himself as Charlie Manson (Parker) and we get some thunder and lightning for dramatic effect.

The next morning, Manson is itching to get out and raise some Hell, but Howard cautions him to relax and just watch some TV. He sits down and turns on It’s a Wonderful Life, only it’s a little different. The one scene we’re treated to is George (Parker) admonishing Mr. Potter calling him a little bitch and asking if he’d like to suck it? The boys wake Cartman up, who sleeps in his Beefcake tanktop, because they want to go to the mall to see Mr. Hanky. They all head upstairs and Cartman asks his Uncle Stinky (Parker) if he can take him and his friends. Stinky, and the rest of the family, are all heavily invested in a football game and when Cartman insists that the elder Cartman take them he’s told “No” and to “Respect my authori-tay!” This is the Code of the Cartmans as Eric doesn’t challenge his uncle and instead walks off angrily muttering about him and his god damn authority.

A news bulletin interrupts the football game and it’s to inform the public that Charles Manson is at large. It’s interspersed with actual footage of Manson while the news anchor (Stone) implores the public to punch his face in and kick his ass if they see him, and then call the police. When the bulletin is over the rest of the family finds out that they missed an incredible comeback in the football game causing them all to shout out “Lame!” In the hall, Eric’s grandma asks him if he can look after cousin Elvin for a bit as a favor to her. Eric just sighs and demands ten dollars and his grandma gives in without another word. Downstairs, It’s a Wonderful Life is nearly over and it’s not making Charlie feel any more in the spirit of the holidays. Quite the opposite, actually, as he sees Christmas as just another attack on him. The boys enter and Cartman brought his uncle and accomplice some sticky buns. They’re pretty happy to have them as the boys lament their current situation. When Charlie finds out about it he volunteers to drive the boys to the mall on account of the fact that he wants some action. Kyle tells him “Good for you,” while Howard thinks it’s bad a idea. Charlie will not be swayed though and he tells the boys he’ll hotwire the car and take them. Stan is a bit apprehensive about trusting this guy, and it’s become clear the boys have no idea who he is, while Cartman tells him he needs to start trusting people.

In the driveway, we’re treating to “The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” as Charlie hotwires the car and the boys all pile in, including Cartman’s cousin Elvin. Meanwhile, back in South Park Stan’s parents have realized he’s missing. Stan’s mother is pretty certain where he is, but Randy tries to caution her that maybe he just ran away or got kidnapped or something. She picks up the phone and calls the Cartman house where Cartman’s mom answers. She’s surprised to hear from Sharon Marsh since Stan told her she was dead. She confirms that Stan is with her though and Sharon hangs up telling the family they’re going to Nebraska!

At the mall, the boys are stuck in a very long line to meet Mr. Hankey. Manson is just standing there with them too seemingly unafraid to be out in a very public setting wearing a prison jumpsuit and sporting a pretty hard to miss swastika tattoo. Kyle is super excited to see Mr. Hankey again, while Cartman notices that he’s also adertised to be appearing at another nearby mall. He questions how he could be in two places at once, but Kyle isn’t swayed and dismisses it as magic. Kenny is shown just staring at Manson who in turn is staring at him. He asks the boy if he would like to head to a more secluded section of the mall and Kenny can be heard saying through his coat, “Okay!” The two walk off and Stan announces that he really likes Charlie. Elvin then realizes he’s finished his Fudgsicle and starts crying. Cartman, having no idea what to do, grabs a club like object and bashes him over the head. It works as he stops crying, but one of his eyes is drawn as a circle instead of a dot and he’s no longer making any sound. Cartman actually looks a bit concerned.

Ever wonder what the Grinch would look like if he was a big piece of shit?

In a not so secluded area of the mall, Charlie is giving Kenny a sermon of sorts on the subject of his ruthlessness. He sounds like he’s about to go on a rampage, but then gets distracted by another Christmas special. It’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas, only all of the characters have been replaced by poop. It’s the part where the Grinch is shoving the tree up the chimney and is interrupted by little Cindy Lou Poo. I could see the estate of Dr. Seuss not appreciating this beloved, children’s, classic getting represented as shit onscreen, but they let Mike Myers play The Cat in the Hat so I have no sympathy for them.

He may not be the real Mr. Hankey, but he’s sure done his homework.

Back in line, it’s now Kyle and Stan’s turn to meet Mr. Hankey. They’re lead to Hankey’s throne by a woman (Toddy Walters) in an elf costume with smears of poop all over her. It’s pretty gross, though hopefully it’s just makeup. The boys are rather surprised when they meet Mr. Hankey (Dian Bachar) and find he’s adult-sized. It’s clearly a human in a costume, but the boys need to prod a bit before confirming such. When they finally unveil their skepticism in full, the kid in the costume tells them it’s just an act and there are a bunch of Mr. Hankeys like him at every mall in the country and to just go with it. When he adds that Mr. Hankey isn’t real, it sets Kyle off. He mimics his own mother with a “What! What! What!” and hops up to unmask the imposter. A group of children (one of them being Craig for some reason) are all shocked to find out that this man is posing as Mr. Hankey. A riot breaks out as the kids start trashing the place. One little girl (Bergman) calmly informs her mother she’ll never forget her lies. This is some heavy trauma, right here. The kids start setting the set to fire while some security guards can be seen nonchalantly remarking “They’re rioting again.” I think one adult may be dead.

What’s Craig doing at a mall in Nebraska?!

At the electronics store, Charlie and Kenny are watching the end of the Grinch show. It features the Grinch Poo carving the roast poo so I guess they’re cannibals or something. Charlie finds the ending touching because the Grinch started off evil, then became good. Before he can reflect further, a wall is smashed in by some Police vehicle that looks like it could have come from RoboCop. A bunch of riot cops stream in and are soon overrun by angry children. The kids get tear-gassed and mayhem ensues. Kyle and Stan then rejoin the others seemingly oblivious to everything going on around them. Kyle is still fuming over the Hankey situation, while Charlie has a new tattoo to show off. He was so touched by the holiday special that he had his swastika converted into a smiling face. Cartman seems to think it’s cool, surprisingly, and Elvin somehow got another Fudgsicle and seems to be fine now. Then some cops finally notice that Charles Manson is among them and everyone is forced to run while Cartman and Elvin lag behind for obvious reasons. They make it to the car, but the cops give chase and even open fire on the vehicle containing children. Cartman is shocked while Kyle is still just pissed off about the fraudulent Mr. Hankey.

Is this an OJ joke? Feels like every overhead car chase shot is an OJ joke.

At the Cartman house, everyone is still watching TV when news breaks about Charlie Manson’s run from the law. Grandma notices the car on television being driven by Manson resembles her husband’s, but doesn’t take it a step further. In the car, the cops are gaining on the boys until Elvin tosses his Fudgsicle out the window. The cops cry out “Fudgsicle!” and try to avoid it causing a pile-up to Elvin’s delight. The someone screams out the name of a harmless object only for it to lead to mayhem is a common joke for South Park (“Peeps!”). Even with Elvin’s assistance, there are still a ton of cops after them. Charlie pulls the car into the driveway of the Cartman residence and Grandma is outside to greet them for some reason. He barks at her to get in the house as the cops come flying in.

Uncle Howard isn’t messing around anymore.

When Charlie and the boys get inside, the family is shocked to see Charles Manson. Howard emerges from the basement to more surprise and also sporting a shotgun. Everyone is fairly calm about the whole thing and Grandma is even happy to see her son. The cops form-up outside along with a news crew as they demand that Charlie Manson come out so they can shoot him. Another cop has to correct the one on the bullhorn that they won’t shoot him, or he’s just telling him to say that while they fully intend to shoot him. The Marsh family then arrives and Sharon marches right up to the cop with the horn and demands to know if this is the Cartman residence. When he tells her that it is, she grabs the bullhorn and starts screaming at Stanley. Everyone in the house looks at him nervously with the convicts even expressing some relief that they aren’t him right now. When Sharon finishes her tirade there’s a still frame of the exterior of the house and we hear Stan call meekly from inside “Sorry!”

Howard is trying to form an escape plan while Charlie would rather watch Christmas specials with the family. He also calls out Howard for pointing a gun at his mother and Howard expresses confusion about this new attitude being displayed by Manson. Howard’s dad tells him he can try to escape out the bathroom window on the back of the house. They’ll have to move quickly as the cops have promised to storm in and create a bloodbath after one of the cops finish counting to 100 marshmallows. The two head for the bathroom, but are surprised when Stan tries to join them. He wants to flee from his parents and Howard doesn’t really have time to discuss it so he tells him it’s fine if he wants to come along. Charlie, on the other hand, sees the error for what it is. He talks about his old family, the Manson Family, and how they weren’t really his family. He encourages Stan to go back to his family because they love him otherwise why would they drive nine hours to Nebraska? Stan is convinced and he thanks “Uncle Charlie” with a hug. Howard just implores him to move it, but Charlie informs him that he will not be running away this time.

Kenny survived the first Christmas episode, but not the second.

Charlie returns to the living room and apologizes to the Cartman family who are all still seated in front of the TV seemingly unbothered by all of this. Charlie tells them he intends to surrender and asks if anyone has a white flag they can wave. Outside, we see the cops as they’re nearly ready to march on the house, but the front door opens. A white flag appears and it’s being held by, you guessed it, Kenny. The lead cop (Stone) shouts out “He’s holding a white flag!” as they all take cover and open fire. Kenny is riddled with bullets prompting Charlie to remark, “They killed the little orange coat boy.” Kyle finishes it off with a “You bastards!”

Where did this kid between Kyle and Cartman come from? And where’s Elvin?

The house empties with everyone holding their hands up, even Howard who apparently decided not to try and flee. The cops approach and Charlie lets them know he’s surrendering. Howard too, though he doesn’t seem too happy about it. Charlie is then allowed a moment to explain what he’s learned, that the holidays are a time for happiness. This resonates with Kyle who decides to get over the whole Mr. Hankey thing while Stan seems to come to appreciate his family more, or something.

Looks like old Chuck found the spirit of Christmas.

Now it’s time for Charlie to sing a song. Remarking he feels like he’s in his own Christmas special, he breaks into an original. The chorus is basically “Happy Holidays,” and everyone joins in. He ends the song with “Happy Kwanzaa too, from me to you!” The cops arrest him, and Charlie understands he deserves it and that he belongs in prison. Grandma remarks it was nice to see Howard while his dad tells him to watch his ass in prison (you didn’t think we were getting out of here without a prison rape joke, did you?). Howard tells him he always does and then thanks Eric for all of his help. Cartman sarcastically thanks him for being a great role model. Randy announces they should forget about what Stan did and head home and Sharon agrees. Stan is pretty excited by this news until his dad says they’ll punish him after the holidays. Newscaster Robert Pooner (Parker) reports that everything appears to be all wrapped up here, and rather than insert another insensitive message from a sponsor (a running gag with the news broadcasts in this episode), simply offers up a “God bless us, everyone.”

We cut to find Charlie back in prison surrounded by other prisoners. He’s reading from a book, one of his own he apparently finished writing, and reflecting on what he’s learned this holiday season. When he closes it we can see an actual picture of Charles Manson on the cover and the smiling face tattoo has been added to his forehead. When he asks the other inmates what they think one tells him it sucks just like all his other books. We get a quick glimpse of them on a shelf, one of them being “Are You There, God? It’s Me, Manson.” Charlie gets into bed and wishes the others a Happy Holidays, but they tell him to shut up. After the lights are out, there’s a commotion. Charlie turns the lights back on to see the entire Cartman clan, plus the boys, as they all cry out “Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson!” You know what follows as they break into “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing,” with Eric Cartman sounding very loud and terrible. They sing until Stan turns to Kyle and finally acknowledges that, “Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here!” It’s a Christmas tradition!

That is how the episode ends. Parker and Stone decided to take real world mass murderer Charles Manson and insert him into his own Christmas special, just as the character recognized. He was obviously selected because of his name being similar to Charlie Brown and he was also still alive at the time of the episode’s creation. As the writers pointed out, it is a pretty fucked up premise and that’s the point. There isn’t a message here that anyone can be reformed or that Christmas has special healing powers for the soul, it’s just weird to see an actual murderer being the subject of a Christmas special. I think that’s why they had the TV announcer be so hostile towards Manson so that we, the audience, wouldn’t think Parker and Stone liked the guy or something.

Well, Charlie got to have a merry Christmas in the end. That’s good?

That’s the plot for basically the second half of the episode. The first chunk is the Cartman family. I can see the humor in imagining that Eric Cartman comes from a family where everyone talks and acts like him to some degree. He’s just even more selfish, but otherwise the same. I have no idea why Stand and Kyle wanted to go along with this and I can only assume Kenny did for the free food. It felt like the episode could have done more with the Cartmans. We don’t really know any of them, and the boys being trapped in the house could have been a plot all its own. Instead, we got the mall detour. I guess they wanted to make sure to include Mr. Hankey in some form and provide Kyle a distraction from all of the ridiculous stuff going on with Manson and Uncle Howard. The episode was clearly counting on indifference from the boys as being a driver for humor in this one. It works to a certain degree, but I’m kind of over it once it becomes clear they have no idea who Charles Manson is.

The resolution of the plot is basically pure Christmas cheese. There isn’t really a twist to it other than the main benefactor is real world villain, Charles Manson. There’s humor to be found there, but it’s basically all shock value. Once that wares off, the viewer is basically just watching a mediocre Christmas special come the final act. Albeit one that does kill an eight year old boy in a savage manner, but that’s every episode of South Park in this era.

The Cartman family is basically all just like Eric. They just want to eat salty snacks and watch TV and could not be bothered to care about anything else.

All that is to say that yes, this Season Two Christmas episode of South Park isn’t anything special. It’s mostly a one-trick pony and that trick doesn’t hold up on repeat viewings. It does feel like a real outlier among the other Christmas episodes and that’s partly due to the setting being so unique. I suppose it’s that uniqueness that keeps me from passing it over when I rewatch the South Park Christmas episodes every year. If you want to take it in, you may be able to catch it on cable this month or you could view it on Max. This episode is also on the complete second season DVD release as well as the Christmas Time in South Park DVD that’s probably close to 15 years old by now. One advantage of watching it on Max is that the bleeps have been removed while they were in place for the DVD releases.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 9 – Hey Arnold! – “Arnold’s Christmas”

Come 1996 the Nicktoons were an established brand. Launched in 1991, Nickelodeon had tremendous success with the likes of Rugrats and The Ren & Stimpy Show and soon more shows followed. Nickelodeon seemed to be a bit stingy with their in-house shows when it came to renewals as when a network looks to renew a…

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by Joe December 9, 2023December 1, 2023

Dec. 9 – The Smurfs Christmas Special

If the 70s were defined by Scooby Doo when it came to Hanna-Barbera, then the 80s belonged to The Smurfs. The little blue creations of Pierre Culliford, better known by his pen name Peyo, had an animated series that basically spanned the entirety of the 80s totaling an insane 258 episodes. And once the 80s…

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by Joe December 9, 2022November 30, 2022

Dec. 9 – “Robot Chicken’s Santa’s Dead (Spoiler Alert) Holiday Murder Thing Special”

Yesterday, I sung the praises of American Dad! for its ability to give me fresh, Christmas, content seemingly on an annual basis. I should also apply the same to Robot Chicken, for even though it goes about making people laugh in a completely different manner from a more traditional animated show, it does have a…

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by Joe December 9, 2021May 3, 2023

1 Comment | tags: charles manson, christmas, christmas specials, comedy central, matt stone, south park, trey parker | posted in christmas, Television

December 8, 2024

Dec. 8 – Prep & Landing: Operation: Secret Santa

By Joe

Last year, Prep & Landing was given the prestigious slot at The Christmas Spot of Christmas Day. I try to reserve a really good special for the big day each year and Prep & Landing is one of the best. In fact, I have declared it the 9th best Christmas special of all-time. That’s no faint praise and I suppose that means it’s a good thing that Disney wasn’t content to make Lanny and Wayne, the Christmas Elves, one and done. The original special debuted in 2009 and hot on the heels of that was the short Operation: Secret Santa.

The first instance of Prep & Landing was produced as a half hour television special. It’s sequel was not. Coming in at a tidy 7 minutes, Operation: Secret Santa is more like a theatrical short than a television special. I don’t know why they took this approach. The sequel that’s actually a half hour special arrived in 2011 in Naughty vs Nice. Did they fast-track the shorter one to have something ready for 2010? Maybe, but a seven minute short still takes a lot of work and given the short window in which all of them were released (not to mention the other short, Tiny’s Big Adventure, which is even shorter than this one by a lot) it stands to reason that development was taking place concurrently. This special doesn’t require a lot of backgrounds or new assets and maybe Disney just figured they could combine it with one of their many other shorts of a similar length to fill out a half hour of television. Regardless, it was only an issue for one year as once Naughty vs Nice arrived in 2011 there was a reliable hour of television content for ABC pushing Operation: Secret Santa to physical media and digital.

In the first Prep & Landing, we were introduced to Wayne (Dave Foley) and new his partner Lanny (Derek Richardson). The two elves are part of the prep and landing team which is tasked with getting a house ready for Santa’s visit. Wayne was in a rut and not really feeling the job after 227 years, but by the end of the night he and Lanny basically save Christmas for one kid and it restores his faith in his job. In this short, the stakes are lower and there’s no real internal conflict. Wayne and Lanny are going to be put to a different task, but one that takes advantage of their skills. And the job is coming from an unlikely source.

The short begins with an image of a cozy fireplace at night in a very scenic home which is just used to display the title card. There’s no big intro or anything since this is a short one, or a “Stocking Stuffer,” as it’s branding would indicate. We’re then shown an exterior shot of Santa’s work shop at the North Pole while some text over the screen informs us that it’s December 21st like this is some episode of 24 or something (it was 2010). We soon find our leads, Lanny and Wayne, as they’re walking in a shadowy hallway and discussing a meeting through whispers. Lanny seems especially on edge, but both jump when Magee (Sarah Chalke) emerges from the shadows. She tersely informs them of their tardiness and quickly gets to the point. She is merely the facilitator of this meeting as it’s not with her, but someone else. Someone in a big sleigh, with a red coat, and white gloves.

Everybody is really on edge to start this one.

Magee rings a little bell and the robed one returns with the same. As Wayne and Lanny begin the long walk to the chair, Magee lets Wayne know that if he doesn’t come back from this she’s claiming his snowmobile. This is some heavy stuff! The two elves approach nervously likely anticipating a face-to-face with the big boss, Santa Claus, but are surprised to see who their real contact is: Mrs. Claus. It would seem their trepidation was unwarranted, as Mrs. Claus (Betty White) quickly shows us that she’s a kind woman and not someone to be feared. She gives the boys some hot chocolate and goes into why she summoned them. She needs to call upon their special skills to retrieve an item for her, an item that’s being kept in Santa’s own personal office.

I don’t need a fancy cookie to tell me that guy is asleep.

What do you do when Mrs. Claus requests a job of you? You do it, of course! Wayne and Lanny take the intel Mrs. Claus relayed and head out for Santa’s office. She let them know that he takes a nap everyday just before 3 o’clock so that’s their chance, but he only takes a very short one so the window is tight. As the two approach the chimney to Santa’s office, Lanny is clearly unnerved and unsure about this one. Wayne gives him a pep talk, the old stuff your worries in a hat bit (I thought it was a sack?) and the two begin their descent down the very long chimney. They go via cable with their night vision goggles on. At the bottom, they find a roaring fire which they quickly extinguish. Wayne can see that Santa is asleep at his desk and the two enter. Even though the room is very well lit, they still keep their goggles on. We get some nice espionage music from Michael Giacchino and the sequence is very reminiscent of the first special right down to Wayne using his gingerbread man device to note the lack of stirring creatures. The two start sneaking around and Lanny looks up at the clock which show it’s currently 2:45. The minute hand then jumps five minutes and the coocoo function engages!

Santa (W. Morgan Sheppard) jumps from his desk as alert as if he had never been sleeping. Immediately, Lanny and Wayne are discovered. He picks up a sheet of parchment which contains the worst punishment imaginable: The Naughty List. Their names are jotted down, they’ll be on it forever, and Wayne can only faint in response. Santa shoves a lump of coal in Lanny’s hands, then his pants fall down for added shame. We cut quickly to Lanny getting kicked out the door and into the snow where he’s forced to take shelter in an igloo. Freezing and clutching his knees, it would seem there’s nothing left for hm to do except wait for the icy hand of death to claim him. That’s right, Lanny is doomed. Or not, as he quickly snaps out of it and we find out he’s just having a minor panic attack at the base of Santa’s desk.

I love these ceramic trees. I actually have a Disney one in my house, but it kind of sucks.

Wayne grabs his own head and sends Lanny a signal to resume putting his worries in his hat. Lanny just responds he thinks his hat is leaking. They move on and synchronize their watches to Santa’s clock. They have five minutes to pull this off. Wayne takes out the “doohicky” Mrs. Claus gave them which creates a 3D projection of a ceramic Christmas tree. There’s audio as well from the old gal informing them this is to be found on a shelf nearby. The elves locate it, but they have to lock it in position to advance further. Wayne is unsure of what to do, but he remarks he was never very good at trimming the tree which seems like a little motivational bait for Lanny to take. It works, as Lanny realizes that since it’s a tree it should be oriented so that the most festive side is facing out. He spins the tree parts into place and a soft click indicates that what he did was a success.

With how on edge these two have been this whole time I’m starting to wonder if they’re expecting to uncover some weird secret Santa sex dungeon.

The tree lights up and on Santa’s desk, a button emerges. It’s red and glowing – what do you do with a red and glowing button? You press it! Wayne and Lanny climb up onto the desk and push the button. The desk rumbles and shakes and the two elves do their best to hide amongst the clutter in case Santa wakes up, but the look of concern on their face suggests they know they’re boned should that happen. The floor opens beneath the desk and the whole thing descends down into the basement, or rather, Santa’s secret work shop.

Instead it’s more like Santa’s junk storage.

All fear of getting caught seems to melt away at the sight of the work shop. Some lights automatically flicker on and we can see some of Santa’s other wardrobe such as robes of green and a longer red. We hear the voice recording of Mrs. Claus in the ears of the elves explain the nature of this work shop, how it’s basically just a place for Santa to basically tinker and get some alone time. She also gets to try out some material as she warns the pair to watch out for a giant nutcracker. Naturally, Lanny bumps into it and Wayne has to help him keep it from falling over. Mrs. Claus goes on to explain it used to be in their foyer and she’d bump into it a lot suggesting it should have been called a hip-cracker. Her joke doesn’t get a response from Lanny or Wayne, better luck next time Mrs. C.

Mrs. Claus directs the boys to a pile of what she describes as “manly clutter.” The target, a small, ornate, box, is indeed amongst such clutter. It’s on top of a bunch of more conventional boxes with several more on top of it. Getting it out without making a sound is going to be like playing a game of Jenga, but apparently these elves are pretty good at Jenga. The two elves play Batman and fire off their grapnel guns into the ceiling. Then, both dangling by their belts, Wayne informs Lanny they’ll be using the Gift Exchange maneuver. Lanny seems enthusiastic as Wayne basically gives him a slap on the behind to get him swinging. As Lanny swings towards the clutter, he grabs a gift from the top. Wayne then swings in and pulls out the target. Lanny quickly swings in behind him and slots the box he grabbed into the spot vacated by the target. Piece of cake.

I thought about doing a suspended train or monorail in my kid’s room when he was little. Yeah, didn’t happen, but I bet it would have looked cool!

Or not. Unfortunately for Lanny, the force of shoving the replacement box into place caused the whole pile to shift slightly backwards. It contacts a switch which activates a toy train, the track for which is suspended from the ceiling. It’s pretty cool actually, but as Wayne congratulates Lanny on a task well done he’s struck by the train and knocked onto the top of it. Lanny snaps out of his momentary high and out from his wrist springs his mini saw. Normally, this is used for trimming a tree to accommodate presents under it, but now it’s used to slice the cable holding him from the ceiling. Lanny drops onto the track and chases after Wayne. Meanwhile, Wayne comes to after some momentary grogginess to see that the box they’re after is stuck in front of the train and is getting pushed down the tracks. A bend is coming up which is right in front of Santa’s desk. Wayne runs across the top of the train and jumps, too late. The box falls and Wayne soars through the air after it. He catches up to it, but a lot of good that did as he’s currently on a path that will see him land in Santa’s beard.

Lucky for Wayne, he’s got Lanny! Lanny jumps off the track after him, grabs Wayne, and fires off another grapnel. The two swing out of harm’s way and Santa’s beard stirs ever so slightly due to the rush of wind as they pass over him. They’re not quite out of harm’s way though, as they have to swing back. Lanny lets go of Wayne and the cable and they both tumble onto Santa’s desk in a somewhat sloppy manner. He still doesn’t wake, but with only 15 seconds left on their timer Lanny requests permission to panic. Wayne grants him that as he presses the button, but the desk is moving way too slow for them to have any hope of getting out of there undetected.

Come on, Lanny, you’ve made it this far without a “leak,” you can do it!

The desk reaches the top floor, but there’s only five seconds for the elves to go back up the chimney. As they run, Lanny announces they’re out of time. Wayne has one final trick up his sleeve though: a snowflake shuriken! These guys are armed with saw blades and shurikens? Seems a bit extreme for a couple of Christmas elves, but I’ll allow it. Wayne tosses the snowflake at the clock striking the second hand and knocking it back another five seconds. He catches the shuriken as well so this guy is pretty damn talented. The two quickly flee up the chimney and drop their little fire sparkle on the logs causing it to burst into flames. The clock hits three, and a little figurine pops out to ring the quietest of bells. Santa jolts from his slumber seemingly refreshed by his cat nap and none the wiser about what took place in his secret work shop that afternoon.

If you were wondering (I really wasn’t, which is a bit strange), it’s a wooden wheel.

We cut quickly to Mrs. Claus opening the box the two elves retrieved as they look on. Inside is an old, worn, wooden, wheel. Mrs. Claus explains that this thing has been tucked away for ages, but she finally found the toy it goes to. We cut to December 25th, 09:00 hours, and a bunch of elves are watching Mrs. Claus give Santa his Christmas present. We can only see the elves while Santa and the Mrs. are shadows on the wall. Turns out, the toy is a little wooden duck. It was the first toy Santa built and he sounds pretty emotional upon receiving it from his wife. Lanny, with moist eyes, nudges Wayne and remarks, “Mission accomplished, partner.” Magee then leans in to say she really wanted that snowmobile as we iris out.

And the wooden wheel belongs to this duck. I’m guessing there really weren’t any stakes here, just Lanny and Wayne potentially blowing Mrs. Claus’ surprise for Santa.

Operation: Secret Santa is a fun little Christmas cartoon. The production values are on par with the longer special that came before it, it’s just a lot tidier. It’s also a cartoon willing to let us just enjoy the Wayne and Lanny pairing. There’s no drama there, they’re happy to be working together, and they have a somewhat unusual task to perform. It makes sense though and is an extension of the original Prep & Landing which shined a light on how the job of Santa and his elves is a bit like a spy movie. This just leans full into that by having the Christmas Elves essentially steal something, rather than help to deliver a present. And if you want to portray the elves as sneaky, little, thieves, they need an altruistic task.

These specials are committed to not showing us all of Santa, though we see quite a bit of him in this one. Mrs. Claus cannot be shown about the neck.

Enter Mrs. Claus and her wish to get something from her husband’s work shop without him knowing. We can poke holes in this, of course, like why didn’t she just do it herself when he’s out delivering presents? She is old so maybe she didn’t think she was physically capable of getting that box. And since she knew where the thing was, maybe it indicates that she’s tried. No matter, it’s a lot more fun to watch Lanny and Wayne swing and sneak about to accomplish the task. They get to demonstrate their skill for the camera and the fake out was pretty fun too. It all leads to a syrupy sweet ending, but an appropriate one. It’s not long enough for the viewer to get all that invested in the object the elves are after and the structure of the short also allows it to move very quickly. It’s faster than its 8 minute run time, but it works pretty well. It’s a shame we haven’t received more.

Lanny is overselling this one a bit, but it’s a fun little cartoon.

Operation: Secret Santa was a cute little short when it came out. Now, it’s a nice little palette cleanser if you’re watching all of the Prep & Landing specials in a single session. They’re a little weighty, dramatic, and there are some actual stakes in them. This one, by extension, is far more low stakes. There’s a bit of tension, but it becomes clear that nothing save for the clock can wake Santa. After the fake-out, it pretty much feels like clear sailing, and that’s okay. We don’t need every holiday special to put Christmas in crisis and it’s also nice that we get to just like and enjoy Wayne when the longer form specials are not so accommodating.

If you want to check out Operation: Secret Santa the easiest way to do so is via Disney+. The short has also been released on physical media a couple of times, once as part of a collection of other Disney shorts and also on the Prep & Landing Blu Ray which includes the rest. Disney+ has kind of made that release superfluous, but it is definitely worth buying if you want a physical back-up.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 8 – The Looney Tunes Show – “A Christmas Carol”

I’ve been known to be a bit critical of Warner Bros. for not creating more Christmas shorts. The most notable one is Gift Wrapped starring Tweety while Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck basically had to wait until after the Golden Era to give Christmas a whirl. And those weren’t really that great. Low key, the…

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by Joe December 8, 2023December 1, 2023

Dec. 8 – The Soulmates in The Gift of Light

It was around Labor Day of this year that Will Sloan (@WillSloanEsq) took to Twitter to uncover the origins of an image that had confounded his girlfriend and him for the past five years. It was actually a return plea as he had posted the same image 3 years prior. The image in question was…

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by Joe December 8, 2022November 30, 2022

Dec. 8 – American Dad! – “For Whom the Sleigh Bell Tolls”

It was just last year that we finally broke the seal on American Dad!. It surprised me how long I was able to avoid American Dad! year in and year out since it has a wealth of Christmas episodes at its disposal. Last year, the featured Christmas episode was the very first one the show…

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by Joe December 8, 2021May 3, 2023

1 Comment | tags: betty white, chris williams, christmas, christmas specials, dave foley, derek richardson, disney, kevin deters, lanny and wayne, michael giacchino, mrs. claus, opersation secret santa, prep & landing, santa claus, stevie wermers-skelton, the walt disney company | posted in christmas, Television

December 7, 2024

Dec. 7 – The Cuphead Show! – “A Very Devil Christmas”

By Joe

I told you we would probably take a look at the other Christmas episode from The Cuphead Show!, though maybe you expected a buffer. I considered it, but why not pair them up just like the creators and Netflix already did? This second Christmas episode comes right after the first. Titled “A Very Devil Christmas,” it feels more like a typical Christmas special from an animated series. It’s extra long, has a different approach to the production of the episode, and tells a story that takes place on Christmas Eve involving devils, elves, and Santa.

Wait? Devils?! Yes, this one, as you could have probably guessed based on the title, stars The Devil himself. The Devil is the main villain for the video game and show and he gets to star in his own stand-alone episode for Christmas. It’s rather unconventional for a show to make the star of its Christmas episode Satan himself, but The Cuphead Show! isn’t always typical so why should its Christmas episode be? Plus, we got the one starring Cuphead and Mugman out of the way already opening the door for The Devil to take center stage.

Ready for some wholesome Christmas entertainment starring The Devil?!

And it’s a great move. The Devil, played by Luke Millington-Drake, is a fantastic character. The portrayal here reminds me of one part Futurama‘s Robot Devil and one part Family Guy‘s Stewie Griffin. Millington-Drake and Dan Castellaneta (who plays the Robot Devil) almost seem to be using the same affectation for their respective characters. It’s fun. It gives The Devil this somewhat stuck-up persona, but also with a certain element of childishness as well. He’s a brat and that makes sense for a cartoon devil who is unlikely to be shown flaying the flesh from the bones of the damned. And in this episode he is going to be very childish indeed. The Devil is going to set his sights on a toy choo choo. He wants it for Christmas, but he has some issues with The Naughty List he will need to address if he hopes to receive such a gift. It’s pretty much a true solo outing as well as Mugman will not be featured at all and there’s just a brief instance of Cuphead. This is The Devil’s Christmas and he is going to soak up the spotlight.

Just a taste of what The Devil has to offer.

The episode begins with an original composition. It’s a rather idyllic piece of holiday scenery of people (well, what passes for people in this universe) walking through a downtown area. The snow is falling, people seem happy, and there’s lots of winter activities taking place. And there’s also The Devil. He’s dressed for the cold with a festive scarf, though aside from that he’s completely naked. He’s at the park leaning on a large tree and observing the goings on. With a wistful smile he lets out a contented sigh and taps the ice on a nearby pond with the tip of his trident. It creates a crack which runs through the ice to a group of individuals ice skating in a circle holding hands. The crack spreads around them and the ice gives way plunging them into the cold, cold, water.

The Devil lets out a giggle and breaks into a song titled “Brings Out the Devil in Me.” And it’s a song all about how Christmas brings out the best in people, but it brings out the worst in him, which is why he loves it! As he sings, it’s treated sort of like a montage of chaos The Devil spreads about town. Some of the stuff is harmless pranks, like photo-bombing a family portrait, while other stuff may actually cause fatalities. His final act, and the big finale of the sequence, is he winds up a little toy soldier that waddles into traffic, pops the tire of a car that strikes it, which causes that car to crash into the giant town Christmas tree setting it ablaze. The Devil gets to preen in the streets while the fire department races to put it out.

The Devil and Sammy Sandwich agree: being nice sucks an egg!

The delightful toot of a toy train snaps The Devil out of his moment of joy. It’s coming from a nearby store window and he races over to it, shoves the little brats who were standing there first out of the way, and presses his face to the glass to take it in. It’s a modest little train, an engine and two cars, but it’s self-propelled and quite charming. The Devil simply adores it, but his concentration is broken by the cries of another child. This boy, Sammy Sandwich (Dave Wasson), is a literal sandwich and he’s begging his mother for a train, but he mostly just wants a spaceship for Christmas. His mom (April Winchell), a submarine sandwich, seems irritated at the requests of her son and we get to hear about how Sammy didn’t get anything last year. He was on The Naughty List, the mere mention of such perplexes The Devil, for gluing his sister’s face to the floor. Sammy pleads that he’s been nice this year so he should get something, but the conversation is over. The Devil, who was rather happy with how awful this child sounded, quietly asks him as his mother is leading him away about this whole Naughty and Nice List business. The kid gives him a quick rundown, letting him know that he detests having to be nice, leaving The Devil with something to think about.

In Hell, The Devil’s minions are all seated at a long table debating something or other. Henchman sits near the head of the table and there’s also the character of Stickler (Andrew Morgado), a blue-skinned demon with a nasally voice who exists just to remind The Devil about things he doesn’t want to hear about. Stickler is in the midst of complaining about someone always eating his lunch out of the community refrigerator, but none of the little imps are coming clean. Henchman (Dave Wasson), who is a round, purple, imp much larger than the rest, remarks that despite living in a fiery Hell hole, they should all exhibit good manners. The debate is ended by the arrival of The Devil who takes his position at the head of the table. He asks of his minions what it would take to get someone like him onto Santa’s Nice List. Everyone goes quiet and most adopt an expression of fear. The imp beside Henchman tries to quietly ask how their boss even came to know about the list, but before Henchman can answer The Devil nukes the little imp to oblivion. The Devil then asks Henchman to explain why he withheld such information from his boss. He has to carefully tell him that he didn’t think it was his kind of list on account of him being evil and all. The Devil takes offense and when he asks in return if he’s saying that he can’t be evil and on The Nice List at the same time Henchman just remarks, “Well, yeah.” The Devil just puffs out his chest and turns away from the table seemingly intending to prove them all wrong. And since it is Christmas Eve, there is only one person who can get him onto The Nice List at this hour.

The Devil taps his trident on the floor and disappears in a puff of purple smoke. The scene shifts to an exterior shot of Santa’s Workshop at The North Pole. It’s done with a physical model, but there are elves (voiced by Wasson, Grey Delisle, and Cosmo Segurson) animated over it as they ride atop reindeer or walk to the shop itself. It’s also clearly an homage to the Silly Symphonies short Santa’s Workshop as it’s staged almost exactly the same way as the first shot in that classic short. The elves even appear to be modeled after the same from it. The elves are all singing (an original composition titled “The Elf Song”) and working with cheer to make Christmas happen until Santa (Fred Tatsciore) enters. He also resembles the Santa from that short and he’s an appropriately jolly fellow. He encourages his minions to keep up the good work before disappearing into his office.

Even The Devil gets a thrill out of sitting on Santa’s lap.

Once there, Santa finds himself face to face with The Devil himself! Seated at the big man’s desk, The Devil addresses him as Nicholas and lets him know that he’s here to put in a request for Christmas. Santa seems to have no idea who he is and even remarks that he’s a hairy boy. Santa, being the good-natured sort that he is, invites The Devil to whisper in his ear what he wants for Christmas. The Devil is surprised, but also a little disappointed and asks him, “Aren’t you going to…you know?” as he gestures towards the ground. Santa realizes what he wants and pulls up a stool so that The Devil can sit on his lap and whisper to him properly what he wants for Christmas. He does so and Santa thinks he says “Too too,” but The Devil corrects him that he wants a choo choo. Santa laughs and tells him it won’t be a problem, but he just has to do one thing first: consult The List!

For The Devil, this is like that feeling you would get when handing over a bad report card to an unsuspecting parent.

Santa looks over his Nice List while The Devil stands off to the side looking rather anxious. Santa seems almost embarrassed that he can’t find his name and asks him to confirm it. The Devil tells him it’s “Devil,” which Santa assumes to be a surname. When he can’t find that he asks to know his first name which he responds is “The.” Makes sense. Santa still can’t locate it, and there’s a good reason for that obviously. He then opens up The Naughty List and practically jumps out of his suit. Not only is The Devil present there, it’s number one! He’s been number one on that list since time began! This won’t do and Santa has to firmly tell The Devil he won’t be getting that too too, I mean, choo choo for Christmas. The Devil, feeling sad, sinks into Santa’s chair as a sad violin plays. Santa can’t bare to see another being in distress, even if he is The Devil, and makes him an offer: if The Devil can be nice until midnight, he’ll give him his too too. Choo choo.

The man has a drinking problem. Don’t meet your heroes, kids.

The Devil enthusiastically agrees to Santa’s proposal and heartily shakes his hand. He vows to be nice and prove to Santa that he’s worthy of that choo choo. With another puff of smoke, he vanishes back to town with confidence and bravado. Almost immediately, a little old mouse woman (Winchell) asks him if he can spare some change. The Devil recoils with an “Ew!” and blasts the little, old, women with his trident murdering her on the spot. We smash cut to an angry Santa demanding to know what happened from behind his desk. The Devil can only offer that he was off to a good start, which Santa points out was about ten seconds. He stands and grumpily remarks that he needs a drink. He walks over to a globe and it opens up revealing what you probably expected: cookies and milk. He pours himself a glass and tells The Devil that he’s likely to remain on The Naughty List forever. The Devil erupts with anger at this suggestion complete with a wall of flame behind him. Santa just shakes his head with a “tisk tisk” and adds “Threatening Santa,” to the list of naughty behavior exhibited by The Devil. At that point the horned one collapses at Santa’s feet. Groveling over his too too (Santa has to correct him this time), he begs him to give him another chance. Santa tells him there is one other way onto The Nice List, but it comes at a cost. The Devil is willing to do anything.

We cut to outside the work shop, but we can hear chanting from within. Inside, the elves are all dressed in robes like druids as they prepare an ancient ritual. A circle has been created on the floor of the darkened workshop fashioned out of peppermint sticks. One of the elves then leads The Devil into the circle, smiles at him, and departs. They all toss back their hoods to reveal lit candles and Santa enters, in a hooded, red, robe, and begins a new chant. Up until this point, they have just been chanting “Fa la la la” in a monotone fashion. Now it sounds more like Latin which the subtitles say is “Decatus, seasonem, holly jolly om.” Google says that simply translates to decadence season. Santa stops chanting and his eyes glow a light blue. He blows some sparkly dust at The Devil which blots out all of the candles. When the dust dissipates, the light returns and the elves return to their traditional song as they filter away with Santa seemingly gone. The Devil is left standing in the circle, confused, left to remark “What the heck was that?!”

The Devil returns to his throne room in Hell left to feel the whole trip north was a waste of time. As he looks at his nails, his hand begins to swell. It looks like a surgical gloves that’s been inflated and soon his other hand does the same. The Devil is quite alarmed and even appears to be in some pain as he drops to the floor. There’s a cut which just shows The Devil’s shadow on the wall as he writhes and contorts. He ends up at a vanity, clutching it as his cheeks enlarge, a white beard sprouts from his chin, and his flesh rips apart to make room for a big, red, coat. When the transformation is complete, The Devil can only look at himself, the now spitting image of Santa Claus, and exclaim “Ho ho ohh no!”

Why Mr. Devil, that is a very different look for you!

The Devil is left to stare at his new visage in the mirror in horror. His only thought is to get back to The North Pole and make Santa fix this. Before he can get his pitchfork though, some imps pass by still complaining about stolen lunches. The Devil, understandably not wanting anyone to see him, has to duck for cover. He sneaks his way into the throne room, but before he can get his pitchfork, Henchman enters with the vacuum. The Devil tries to duck for cover behind the throne, but he’s spotted. Initially, Henchman thinks he’s in the presence of the real Santa, but once he gets a closer look at this Santa he realizes it’s actually The Devil. And, once again, his first inclination is wrong as he thinks his boss has been Santa this whole time, but The Devil has to correct him and explain the situation. When Henchman asks (what we’re likely all wondering) why The Devil doesn’t just create a choo choo with his magic, The Devil angrily corrects him that creating an object for himself is not the same as receiving it as a present. That’s basically what this is all about: The Devil, having never been the recipient of a gift, wants one for Christmas.

The Devil is forced to return to The North Pole and he takes a very excited Henchman along with him. When they get there, they find the elves are loading the sleigh and singing their working song once again. Upon seeing Devil Santa, they all exclaim with glee “Santa!” and move in for a hug or something. The Devil is grossed out and starts pushing them away with the handle of his pitchfork, so at least he’s not stabbing anyone. He tells them that he’s not Santa, he’s looking for Santa, but he’s soon interrupted by a loud and drawn out, “Ehmmm!”

Does every immortal being have a Stickler among their underlings?

It’s Stickler, only it’s not Sitckler, but an elf that looks, talks, and behaves exactly like the Stickler we know from Hell. This one steps forward to inform The Devil that he is, in fact, now Santa Claus which means he needs to undertake all of Santa’s Christmas Eve responsibilities. The Devil has no interest in doing that, but Stickler tells him that he must. In fact, if he does not deliver all of the presents to children on The Nice List by midnight he’ll not only never be on The Nice List himself, but be stuck as Santa Claus for all eternity. When he says that, the camera zooms in on The Devil’s face while the word “eternity” echoes in his brain. Only, it’s not an echo, as when the closeup ends we see Stickler is just repeating the word over and over for dramatic effect until The Devil barks at him to knock it off.

Unbothered, Stickler resumes informing The Devil of the other conditions he must satisfy this evening. There’s a list of rules and rule number one is reciting the reindeer roll call. The Devil has no idea what that is, but Henchman is happily willing to inform him of the proper roll call and receives applause from the elves upon finishing it. Rule number two is that Santa must remain jolly at all times and must never lose his temper. As Stickler informs The Devil of this, he’s wagging his finger at him which causes The Devil to explode with rage. He blasts Stickler into nothingness with his pitchfork, realizes that it was a bad idea, then simply undoes it by tapping the end of the pitchfork on the ground. Once returned to the world of the living, Stickler simply moves on to rule number 3 which is that every kid on The Nice List must receive their present. The Devil reluctantly accepts this with a “How many kids can their possibly be on The Nice List?” Stickler lets the list unfold in response. It rolls across the floor, out onto the balcony, off the balcony, and then over all of the hills in the background. The Devil just explodes in fiery rage again declaring that he will burn someone, but Henchman douses his flames with a bucket of water. A soggy Devil sullenly thanks him for the reminder about remaining jolly.

We’re not done, as there is a rule number four which is that Santa must consume all cookies and milk left out for him. Henchman cheekily replies that it shouldn’t be a problem and shakes The Devil’s belly like a bowl full of jelly prompting him to inform him “Do. Not. Touch!” Henchman recoils in fear while Stickler takes The Devil by the hand to tell him the final rule: all presents must be delivered by midnight. The Devil dismisses the hand of Stickler and continues onto the sleigh to the roar of applause from the elves. The Devil arrogantly informs Stickler it won’t be a problem, but once out of sight he confesses to Henchman that he can’t possibly fulfill all of these tasks and that he fears being stuck like this forever! Henchman reassures him that everything will be fine and encourages his boss to go out and deliver those presents. Unfortunately for The Devil, he doesn’t even know the solution to the first rule. Instead of calling out the reindeer by name, he simply demands that they fly in a threatening manner. The reindeer, in a way, do as they’re told, but not before first detaching from the sleigh. With the reindeer gone, all hope appears to be lost, but The Devil has one friend he can turn to.

He’s no Rudolph, but Henchman gets the job done.

This is now a one-imp open sleigh as Henchman giddily takes the place of the reindeer to pull the sleigh through the sky. I guess it’s not a big deal that he couldn’t get rule number one down since Stickler said nothing. Henchman giddily leads The Devil to his first house. He approaches the chimney and deposits the presents down it without much care prompting Henchman to remind him to be more gentle. He takes the suggestion in stride before trying to squeeze down the chimney itself. It doesn’t go well so Henchman reminds him to use his pitchfork. The Devil does and materializes by the Christmas tree inside. There he drops the soot-covered gifts under the tree and then turns to the milk and cookies. He devours them with glee before returning to the sleigh feeling rather triumphant and orders Henchman to take him to the next house.

Tchaikovsky’s “Trepak” ushers in a montage of The Devil delivering gifts to the many houses on his list. Things do not go as well as the first house. He falls off a roof and gets tangled in Christmas lights causing himself to get electrocuted at one house. At another he gets mauled by dogs while another features a whole litter of kittens expecting gifts. They have all left out their own plate of milk and cookies which The Devil is now far less enthusiastic about consuming. We then go into a sequence of quicker shots. The sleigh flies past the moon in one direction, we get a little scene, then it flies past going in the other direction. There may be a record number of moon shots in this one. All the while there’s The Devil continuing to eat cookies and it’s clearly getting harder and harder to eat any more. During this, we do get a couple of cameos. A gift is delivered to the corpse of Telephone (Wasson) who had his soul taken from him by The Devil in, I believe, the very first episode. The gift is his soul and he springs back to life in triumph upon receiving it. We also see Sammy Sandwich who gets his spaceship. His sister, who is still glued to the floor, gets some glue dissolver.

I know what The Devil is getting for Christmas: Diabetes.

When the montage is over, The Devil is left groaning on the sleigh covered in crumbs and his belly massive and overstuffed. Henchman is there to offer encouragement as they’re nearly done. He’s looking forward to the part where The Devil gets to call out “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night,” upon completion of their work, but The Devil insists that he won’t be saying that. He then asks how many houses are left? Henchman consults the list and is happy to inform his boss that only one remains. His smile is soon replaced by a grave expression, but whatever is bothering him he doesn’t relay to his boss.

The last house on the list belongs to him!

The Devil soon realizes why his henchman may have been wary about this last stop and that’s because he can see it through the clouds: the home of Cuphead and Mugman. This immediately causes the flames to rise once more prompting Henchman to remind him of his jolly requirement. They land on the roof of the massive kettle and Henchman immediately starts trying to pump his boss up. He reminds him that he’s Santa and that every kid on The Nice List deserves a present, even Cuph—. The Devil cuts him off before he can finish that sentence remarking that if he even hears the name of Cuphead he’s going to throw up.

And to add further insult to injury, The Devil has to give Cuphead the thing he wants most!

The Devil disappears in a puff of smoke and reappears in the living room of Cuphead and Mugman. If you watched the previous episode, or read yesterday’s entry here, then you’re not wondering why Cuphead’s tree looks the way that it does all burnt to a crisp. The Devil hates that he’s here and wants nothing to do with this final house. He really wants nothing to do with it when he finds out that the gift he’s supposed to leave for Cuphead is the very same train that he himself wants! The Devil almost can’t bring himself to do it. He contemplates simply stealing the train for himself. Yeah, that will teach Cuphead a lesson and shouldn’t naughty children be taught lessons? Even hard ones like not getting what you want at Christmas?

The Devil’s contemplations are interrupted by a sound like the coo of a dove. It’s little Cuphead (Tru Valentino)! All dressed in his cute red pajamas wondering what Santa brought him. The Devil tries to play it cool, but he’s clearly uncomfortable. Cuphead remarks that he wasn’t sure if Santa was coming and then adds he hasn’t always been nice this year. When he says it’s hard to be nice all of the time and is looking for reassurance on the subject, The Devil practically breaks down with a “You have no idea!” and stuffs his face with milk and cookies in response. Cuphead then adds that even if he wasn’t good enough to get a present this year, just meeting Santa has made this the best Christmas ever. The Devil is flattered, and sort of ashamed, and he finally agrees to give Cuphead his present. He can’t bare to look at him though as he dangles the train out with his back turned. Cuphead has to pull rather firmly, and thank Santa more than once, before he can finally pry it loose. He’s pretty much overjoyed though and The Devil will have to live with the knowledge that he contributed to his mortal enemy’s best Christmas ever. As he hears the train give out a toot, it’s almost enough to make The Devil take it back, but instead he sadly walks over to his pitchfork to prepare to leave, but before he can, Cuphead has one final message: Merry Christmas, Santa. He sighs in return, and replies with the same, before vanishing.

On the roof, Santa Devil looks dreadful. Henchman carefully asks how it went in there and The Devil only sighs in return. He’s practically doubled over by the sleigh when he confesses how awful it felt to do something nice. The realization then sets in – The Devil did something nice! Henchman pulls open the list and goes to the bottom. The two stare for a moment, but when nothing happens a sadness overtakes them. Then the list glows! Magically, the name The Devil appears at the bottom in big, bold, cursive, letters! The two clasp hands and jump up and down with glee as Henchman cries out “You did it!” The Devil announces that it’s time to return to The North Pole – there’s a choo choo with his name on it just waiting for him there!

The two return to the work shop and are greeted by a mass of cheering elves. Even Stickler Elf is seen clapping, though his facial expression never changes. The Devil drinks it all up and even receives a compliment from Stickler Elf. He begins to boast about how when he sets his mind to something he can do anything, and as he does Henchman notices a change taking place. He calls out attention to the swirling, blue, mist gathering about The Devil which encircles him like a Christmas tree. When the dust tree pops, The Devil is himself again! The mist then swirls a short distance away and soon materializes Santa Claus looking just as he did before the weird ritual from earlier.

At the sight of the real Santa, Henchman looks like he’s about to burst. He keeps his cool though as Santa congratulates The Devil on a job well done. He even declares it a Christmas miracle that he was able to deliver all of the presents in time. Now, it’s time to collect as The Devil informs Santa he’s ready for that choo choo now as he rubs his hands together. Santa laughs and says he’s receiving something that’s better than a choo choo. The Devil falls for this and his eyes swell at the thought of something better than a choo choo only for Santa to inform him that his gift this year is the joy of being nice!

The Devil may be pissed, but I think Henchman just had the time of his life.

As you can imagine, this does not go over well with The Devil. Not at all. He does his exploding fire thing as he declares the idea stupid. He points to Santa and his elves and calls them all stupid before announcing to Henchman that they are leaving. As he drags Henchman away, the imp waves happily shouting “Bye Santa!” The two disappear in a puff of smoke to return to Hell. Honestly, I think The Devil took that better than any of us expected. Santa, on the other hand, looks hurt as he turns to Sitckler Elf and shrugs. The elf returns the shrug and we fade to black.

Oh to be miserable on Christmas, is there no worse a fate?

The blackness is interrupted by the opening of a refrigerator. The camera is placed inside the fridge and we see The Devil’s sullen face staring in. There’s a bag marked “Stickler” and The Devil pulls a sandwich out of it answering the question of who has been stealing everyone’s lunch. He begins consuming the sandwich as he slinks over to his throne and drops into it. He puts his head in his hand and bemoans his plight, how even when he does what he’s supposed to he still doesn’t get what he wants. Oh woe, is The Devil!

The Devil gets his happy ending after all!

A tooting of a train horn breaks the sound of sad music. The Devil’s head pops up to behold a toy train right there in his throne room! It’s not the train he wanted, it’s even better! It’s a larger train, a ride-on, and it has four cars instead of two! The Devil is overjoyed and magics up an engineer’s uniform and hops into the center of the circular track declaring that this train makes an even better noise than the one he wanted! He jumps on the first car and rides around the track in triumph. The camera zooms out and we can see behind the throne. Henchman is there, covered in soot with a bunch of tools and some instructions strewn about. He has a look of happiness on his face as it’s clear he’s the one who got the train for The Devil. He says “Merry Christmas, boss,” as this one fades to black.

And that is how The Devil had a merry Christmas! It’s such a farcical concept on its face: Satan wants a choo choo for Christmas and is willing to help Santa in order to get onto The Nice List. I suppose some would find that immediately distasteful – Satan, and Santa?! The character of The Devil is so charming and funny that we forget about how insane a premise this is almost immediately. Even his outbursts are played for laughs, though he definitely murders some folks in this one (that poor, little, old mouse) for no real reason other than he’s just a bad guy. I suppose if you want to find a moral in this one, it’s that Christmas can bring out the best in anyone. Even The Devil.

The animation is top notch even if it’s not hand drawn. I love the many expressions we see from The Devil and Henchman throughout their night. The town looks lovely with this Christmas coating upon it, almost Rockwell-esq. The music sprinkles in some public domain stuff, mostly from The Nutcracker, but also makes liberal use of its own original compositions. Composed by Dave Wasson and Ego Plum, the two originals are unmistakably Christmas tunes even if they don’t directly adapt a more well known song. The cartoon is also not long enough for us to get sick of them and aside from their first instance in the show, they’re mostly confined to instrumentals. I love the homage to Santa’s Workshop and I was repeatedly dazzled by the many, many, moon shots in this one.

The Devil does get a happy ending, but on the way he was made to suffer. Perhaps nothing was more painful than making his most detested foe happy on Christmas.

And it’s funny! This is one of the funniest and most entertaining Christmas specials I’ve had the pleasure of watching. It’s not even reliant on the viewer being familiar with The Cuphead Show! as pretty much everyone knows who The Devil is. It certainly helps to be familiar with it when the scene does shift to take place in the home of Cuphead, but knowing who he is and why the tree looks as it does only adds a little to the scene. For newcomers, they can easily understand that ordinarily The Devil and Cuphead are at odds with each other and that’s pretty much all you need to know. The cartoon does have to cheat a little in that scene for every gift we saw up to that point was fully wrapped. For Cuphead’s house, they’re all unwrapped so that The Devil can see that Cuphead is getting the toy he covets himself. They could have just had it fall out of a box or something, but I’m not bothered by it. It’s basically one of the few nits I can pick with this one, and I had to hunt for it.

If you can’t tell, I really like this Christmas special from The Cuphead Show! It is high on my list of modern Christmas specials alongside Prep & Landing, Duck the Halls, and the DuckTales Christmas episode “Last Christmas!” Coincidentally, all of those are Disney creations and this cartoon, while not made by Disney, references a classic Disney short within it. If you have never seen this one I recommend you check it out regardless of whether or not you’re familiar with Cuphead or The Cuphead Show! It’s streaming on Netflix, which is full of other Christmas episodes and specials from other properties, so it’s not a bad one month sub for Christmas season if you ordinarily are not a subscriber. I plan to watch this one again before the holiday arrives – toot toot!

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

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When two billion dollar organizations butt heads, it can be hard to know who to root for. Take Disney, somewhat of an “evil” overlord when it comes to content, which seemingly owns everything these days and likes to throw its weight around when it comes to copyright claims. And then there’s Fox, owned by the…

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by Joe December 7, 2023December 1, 2023

Dec. 7 – Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town (1970)

In 1964, Arthur Rankin and Jules Bass unleashed a Christmas Classic upon the world in the form of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. The special basically put the company on the map and put it on the path to holiday domination for decades to come. Despite that, few of the specials that followed Rudolph truly hit…

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Dec. 7 – Bedtime for Sniffles

Not every Looney Tunes or Merrie Melodies star had to be inherently funny. Sure, most of them were and that’s often what many cartoon enthusiasts will point to the Warner catalog of cartoons as having over Disney, but it wasn’t some hard and fast rule. That’s why when a guy by the name of Chuck…

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by Joe December 7, 2021May 3, 2023

1 Comment | tags: chad moldenhauer, christmas, christmas specials, cuphead, dave wasson, devil, jared moldenhauer, lighthouse studios, luke millington-drake, netflix, santa claus, studio mdhr, the cuphead show, the devil, video games | posted in christmas, Television, Video Games

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