We’re going to keep sticking with the animated sitcom Christmas special for another day and this time we turn to Bob. Bob’s Burgers has been a reliable staple for holiday viewing ever since getting a more robust endorsement from the Fox network for its third season. That was the first full season, by television standards, with 23 episodes that contained the show’s first Christmas episode. We’ve looked at a handful of Bob’s best Christmas outings already, but I skipped the very first one for some reason. Perhaps that was a mistake on my part? I guess we’ll soon find out.

Unlike Family Guy, American Dad!, and even The Simpsons, I feel pretty confident that we won’t get a bunch of suicide jokes with this one. Even though Bob Belcher (H. Jon Benjamin), as a struggling restaurant owner with a family to feed, should probably be the most susceptible to seasonal depression out of all of the main characters for these shows. Everything is riding on the success of Bob’s restaurant and that’s a lot of pressure. Unlike some other animated families though, the Belchers are pretty adept at rising above everything life throws at them. There isn’t much cynicism to be found here so I suppose in some way that makes them the best fit for a Christmas special.

This episode of Bob’s Burgers does not feature a special, seasonal, opening title. It does contain the usual sight gags though with the business next door and the utility vehicle that pulls up in front of the restaurant and this time we get Can You Dig It Candy Cane Outlet (No licky-loos!) and Silent Mice Exterminators. I like it!

The episode begins with Linda (John Roberts) decorating the front window of the restaurant while the family looks on. She’s clearly placed snowflakes on the window, but Gene (Eugene Mirman) mistakes them for ninja stars while Tina (Dan Mintz) thinks they’re doilies. It is noted that we are seven days out from Christmas (kind of late with the decorating, Linda) so the children hand over their list of demands, as Louise (Kristen Schaal) describes it. It would seem the kids expect gifts from the parents and if anyone believes in Santa Claus it is not implied. Louise demands her own apartment (no studios), Tina would like a dry erase board to write down her thoughts and then erase them (Penis Fly Trap), while Gene wants the bobsled from the movie Cool Runnings. Bob tells the kids they can’t afford any of that stuff and when Tina asks “Even the dry erase board?” he angrily confirms even that. It’s been a tough year for the Belchers and Bob attributes it to the restaurant being mistakenly classified as a gas station in some local newsletter.

Sometime later, Mailman Mike (Tim Meadows) enters the restaurant and receives a very enthusiastic “Merry Christmas” from Linda that he responds to in his usual, deadpan manner. We can now see that the burger of the day is the One Horse Open Slaw Burger which comes with coleslaw. Not sure if it’s on the burger, or just a side, but it will set you back about six bucks. Mike hands over the mail and then stands there and awkwardly coughs. Bob picks up on the social cue here that Mike is looking for a holiday tip. Bob confesses to Mike that he never knows what to tip the mailman and Mike confirms that Bob does not. Bob then writes a number on a piece of paper and slides it over to Mike for his approval. He says it would be a good amount – if he delivered the mail once a week! Bob then hands over a wad of cash that is more than the number he wrote. Mike thanks him, then hands him some more mail which Bob has to sign for. When Bob asks if he was going to withhold his mail if he didn’t tip him, Mike assures him that he would have got the letter, just not today. He is a professional, after all.

Mike leaves and everyone decides to show interest in the letter Bob received. Tina even asks if it’s from Santa, so I guess there is a believer in our midst. The letter is from a law firm informing Bob that he’s been named in the will for dear, old, Uncle Ernie. Bob doesn’t seem to know him very well and the kids know nothing of him. Gene suggests that “Talking to Uncle Ernie,” would be a great metaphor for taking a poop, which Bob objects to. Linda snatches the note before Bob can read what his uncle left him as she wants to have a reading of the will. She says she’ll make punch which is apparently a thing she wants to do often (much to the chagrin of Louise) because she keeps getting samples in the mail. With everyone onboard, Gene announces he’s so excited that he needs to go talk to Uncle Ernie and races off to the bathroom.

In the Belcher living room, punch has been made and the family is ready for Linda to read the will. The children are clearly expecting a windfall here from their great uncle who owned a furniture store, but Bob tries to reset expectations. Linda does a dramatic reading (of sorts) only to find out they have been left whatever is in some storage unit. The family is slightly deflated, but they have to go check it out for themselves. We cut to the Just Stow It Storage facility where the family has resumed letting their imaginations run wild with optimism. Bob, being a bit of a downer here, reminds them they’ll have to pay taxes on whatever is in the storage unit if it’s any good. He lifts up the door to the unit and everyone gasps to find a dude just chilling inside in a tracksuit amongst a ton of boxes. He says “Oh, hi,” and Gene declares triumphantly “We won a cave man!”

After an act break, we discover that this man is named Chet (Zach Galifianakis) and he’s apparently been living here for some time. He had no idea Ernie died and upon hearing the news gives Bob a reassuring hug that he wants no part of. Gene tries to get in on some of that action, but is rebuked by his father. Chet reveals that he did window displays for Uncle Ernie’s store for 20 years until it closed. When he had no place else to go, Ernie let him stay here in the storage unit. Linda immediately feels bad for him and wants to invite him to live in their basement, but Bob doesn’t see the need to do so. That is, until the owner of the place asks Bob if he’ll be taking over the $150 per month lease on the unit.

We smash cut to Chet and the Belchers checking out his new basement home. They’ve moved all of his stuff in and Chet is making himself feel right at home. He remarks that he can’t wait for the carpet to come in and asks if they’re married to the present color of the walls. Bob then has to remind Chet that he’s apparently only welcome to stay through Christmas and Chet has to doublecheck that he means this Christmas. When Bob confirms that he does, Chet doesn’t seem mad and actually says this is the nicest thing anyone has done for him since Sal gave him the tracksuit he’s wearing. He gestures to a nude mannequin indicating that’s Sal and Gene remarks that if Chet wants to do something nice for Sal that he could really use a penis. We may not have suicide jokes, but that’s our second penis joke so far!

It is now six days before Christmas and Bob and Linda are woken up on this fine morning by their daughter Louise bursting into their room screaming “Fire!” She then tells them she’s just kidding, but she clearly wants them to come check out something. Downstairs in the restaurant, a festive window display has been erected. Gene remarks that he can’t find Chet and that his pee jar has gone cold, but he clearly made this display which everyone seems most impressed with. Bob remarks he’s glad Chet apparently took off and notes there was something “off” about him and that he smelled. One of the mannequins then turns and gives an awkward cough revealing that it’s Chet and Bob is forced to try and backpedal. Chet doesn’t bring attention to what Bob said and instead asks if the display is “Holi-doing it for ya?” Bob and Linda remark that it is indeed holi-doing it for them. Chet has dubbed his display Class Under Glass, but as Bob starts to ask more questions he just silently retakes his position in the display and says nothing causing Bob to remark that “he’s being weird again.”

The window display seems to be a big hit with the town as lots of people are shown stopping to look at it. An old couple enters the restaurant basically desperate to spend money there. When they find out that Bob doesn’t have any merch he offers to write out a gift certificate on a napkin. When the restaurant closes for the day, Bob is shown to be rather upbeat as he credits the display with really driving a lot of foot traffic. Chet hops down out of his display and informs the family he intends to create a new one each day until Christmas. The kids like the sound of this and indicate that they would like to be a part of them while Bob suggests hanging a big curtain to have an unveiling of the new display each day. Chet remarks that’s a very theatrical idea then asks Bob if he’s gay. Louise answers for him with a “We wish.”

That night, Chet and the kids are going through all of his stuff in the basement in a bid to come up with an idea for tomorrow’s display. Gene proposes they utilize a toy train he’s found while Louise remarks that the lamp she’s found will look nice in her new apartment. She confesses the request was a joke at first, but indicates that all of this newfound success has her convinced it’s happening. The kids then discover that window displays was something Chet used to do with his ex-wife, Nadine. He seems a little blue, but tries to cheer himself up by suggesting they don’t want to hear about his past relationships and Gene enthusiastically agrees.

A musical montage follows set to “Father Christmas” by The Kinks, an easy top ten Christmas song in my house. This is a way to blast through the various displays that Chet and the kids come up with on the road to Christmas. The first one is set at Santa’s workshop with Chet dressed as the jolly, old, elf and the kids portraying elves. The kids aren’t great at this human mannequin thing as Gene tumbles backwards taking out a wall and Louise turns to hang up a “0 days without a workplace accident” sign. The next display as a Hannukah themed one followed by Chet as a Christmas tree with Louise riding a train around him and Gene and Tina dressed as presents. Louise slaps the faces of her siblings as she rides in circles while we keep getting cuts to the cash register filling with money and a very satisfied Bob.

The montage fades out with a local news broadcast drawing attention to the changing displays. In the window, Chet is now a gingerbread man, Tina a sugar plum (or ornament), and Gene a candy cane. Louise is apparently sitting this one out, or she’s in the giant gingerbread house. Mort (Andy Kindler) and Teddy (Larry Murphy) are at the counter and Teddy is very impressed by the fact that he’s on television right now as he waves to the camera. Bob has to tell Gene to stop licking himself since he’s on TV, but Gene just shouts back “Where I belong!” Teddy is eager to find out what tomorrow’s big, Christmas Eve display will be, but can’t make up his mind if he wants to know now or be surprised. Chet doesn’t respond to his pestering anyway since he’s very committed to his craft. Mort is so pumped for it that his mother is coming into town just to see it. He tells Bob to make it big since she has cataracts.

That night, the good vibes continue as Bob and Linda are doing the dishes. Linda is already convinced that this will be the best Christmas ever and Bob, surprisingly, doesn’t disagree. He even thinks they should have enough money to get the kids something nice and suggests that Linda cover for him tomorrow so he can sneak out to do some shopping. She assures him that she’ll tell the kids he needed to go buy something for his mistress. Bob is not amused. In the living room, Gene is wrapping a gift for his dad. It’s the television remote since his dad seems to love it so much. Louise thinks this is a great idea and decides to wrap Linda’s glasses up as a present for her. All the while Chet is there staring longingly out the window at the lightly falling snow.

Bob and Linda enter the room and Linda asks what Chet is doing. He informs her that he’s just zoning out as the song playing was Nadine’s favorite Christmas song. It’s at this point I notice “Silent Night” is playing and as Linda tries to ask who Nadine is Chet starts singing the song. The kids fill her in and then Chet produces a photograph. We can only see the back of it as Linda reacts by saying she’s gorgeous, then gets confused. The rest of the family looks at it in confusion as well and they try to all ask the same question, but in a polite way, for it would appear that Nadine is actually a mannequin. Bob just comes out says it and Chet informs the family that he used to be a mannequin too, complete with overly dramatic musical stings! The kids seem impressed, while Bob is quite uneasy with this revelation. Chet tries to smooth things over by assuring Bob he’s not one of those “murder mannequins,” he’s just a simple store mannequin that came to life. No big deal. Bob can only muster a “So…happy…you’re staying with us…in our basement.” Chet then resumes singing “Silent Night” which has a different aura now that we know “the truth.” Bob tells his family that they need to leave.

Following an act break, we resume the living room conversation with Bob asking Linda if she thinks Chet will murder them before or after Christmas. Linda doesn’t seem concerned and points that he said he’s not a murder mannequin. Chet remarks, in a callback to a shared conversation at the storage unit, that the two still need to work on their whispering. Louise decides to test the mannequin theory by kicking Chet in the shin. She has deduced that a mannequin would not feel pain, but Chet made it clear that he was a mannequin and isn’t anymore. Tina can relate as she points out that one day Chet just suddenly became anatomically correct which is something she just went through.

It’s now time to hear Chet’s origin story. He was a mannequin in a sports store and Nadine was too. She didn’t have any nipples and she didn’t need them, per Chet. As the seasons (and fashion) changed from summer to fall casual their relationship became anything but. Chet remarks that one day he took Nadine skiing and we’re shown that they were just covered in skiing attire. An accident happened, a clerk knocked Nadine over smashing her right hand. She was taken away for repairs and when she came back she had two left hands. Chet then tells the family he had to make an important decision. Gene thinks he means what hand to replace with a hook, but Chet corrects him by saying he had to decide which hand to put a ring on. The two are shown in a wedding display apparently getting married. Gene shares this opinion on the resolution with a “Boo!”

With the flashback over, we return to the living room where Bob is shocked to find his wife in tears. She can’t help it, weddings always get to her. Chet tells the family that everything was perfect, until the mall came. The store closed and during the liquidation sale the two were separated. It’s at this point that Gene wants to go back to earlier in the story by asking Chet why Nadine didn’t require nipples. He ignores the child and continues his story. We see Chet being locked away in the storage unit where Chet theorizes that the pain of his loss caused a transformation to take place. Tina concludes that this is the greatest love story ever told.

Bob remains unconvinced and tells Chet that he was never a mannequin. Chet isn’t hearing it and wants to be reunited with his love. Tina is onboard with finding her as the two theorize she may be in Paris or Milan. Bob tells the kids that they are not going on a mannequin hunt with Chet and suggests she’s probably in a landfill somewhere. Chet can’t take the abuse and runs away in tears. An angry Linda orders the kids to go to bed since she needs to have a word with Bob, but he’s apparently frightened by his wife and orders the kids to stay. This goes into a routine where each parent keeps ordering their kids to do the opposite of the other until finally the kids obey their mom and leave, since they’re taking her side. With the kids gone, Linda scolds Bob for making Chet cry. Bob points out that the man is unstable and suspects many things make him cry. Linda ends the argument by stomping off to bed telling Bob not to bring the mistletoe with him, but do bring her a snack. Chocolate!

The next morning, Gene and Tina come barging into their parents’ bedroom telling them to get up and come see the display. We also see that Bob slept on the floor. They head downstairs to find a rather grisly display: a decapitated reindeer with ground beef in the neck hole, an elf swinging by a noose, and a headless snowman with two bottles of ketchup placed where the head should be squirting “blood.” This obviously won’t be good for business, and unfortunately for the Belchers Chet is nowhere to be found. Oh, wait, he’s actually sitting right there in a booth. The display is a window to his soul, as Chet puts it, which has been severely wounded by Bob’s words the night prior. Louise likes it, but no one else does. Bob insists that Chet replace it with something happy, but Chet’s happiness has been discarded in a dump somewhere. He zings Bob by asking him if his face can catch because he’s throwing his own words back at him! Chet runs off to the basement and the kids decide it’s all up to them to save Christmas with a traditional, mannequin, hunt.

Our second montage of the episode is now upon us. It’s set to an instrumental I don’t recognize, but sounds jolly enough. The kids are shown handing out fliers with Nadine on them to various side characters from the show. It’s a brief montage which ends at the restaurant where a small crowd has gathered demanding to see the Christmas Eve display. The kids slink back into the store with an important announcement: they’ve found Nadine! Bob scolds them for disobeying his mandate to not go on a hunt for her…it, but Gene seems to not take his father seriously for we get a cutaway of him surprising his dad while he’s in the middle or urinating as an example of other boundaries he ignores. Linda is excited though while threats from outside seem to suggest they need to produce a display and quickly. She informs “Old Saint Dick,” that he’s going to go get this mannequin from the store the kids found her at, but haven’t elaborated on yet. Bob is forced to agree since getting the mannequin is the quickest way to getting Chet to do a kinder display. As Bob moves, we can see that the Christmas Eve burger of the day is The Fifth Day of Christmas Burger which comes with five, golden, onion rings.

With the family leaving out the back, Linda tries to stall for time by heading outside to deliver a poem she wrote. Or rather, one she’s clearly making up on the spot since the poem is basically just “Christmas, oh Christmas. Christmas. Christmas. Christmas…” Meanwhile, Bob and the kids are at the store where Nadine presently resides in the window display: Spanks A Lot. It’s an erotic store and Nadine is in some light bondage gear and handcuffs. They can tell it’s her though by the presence of two left hands. Bob orders the kids to wait outside as he heads in and speaks to the clerk (Fred Stoller, who must have been identified early for the role because the character even resembles him) where he confirms that Nadine was indeed discarded in a landfill. The clerk has no desire to loan the mannequin out and says this is the biggest sex shopping day of the year. When Bob points that there’s no one in the store, the clerk gestures to the back to confirm where all of the customers are.

The kids, meanwhile, have snuck in because of course they did. Gene is surprised to find limbless finger puppets, which are most certainly not finger puppets. Louise can tell that her dad is getting nowhere with the clerk so she instructs her siblings to create a diversion with the…personal massagers. They turn the sex toys on and toss them on the floor where they vibrate and slither about. The clerk sees them and shouts at them to get out since they’re minors while Bob bolts and grabs Nadine. The kids lay down some lube by the door which the clerk slips and falls on as he tries to chase after them. Bob shouts back that he’ll return her after midnight while the clerk shouts out “Sickos!” A voice from the back thinks he was referring to them, but he calls back, “No, not you guys,” in a defeated tone.

We return to the restaurant to find Linda has switched tactics and is now singing “The Carol of the Bells,” only she doesn’t know any of the words so she just keeps singing “La la-la bells!” Gene lets her know she can come in because they have Nadine and the family races to the basement. Chet has apparently locked himself in the room down there, which I don’t think had a door before, but who cares? He’s apprehensive about seeing Nadine again since the tracksuit is twelve seasons old and he’s got a gut. Louise assures him that Nadine has changed too and Bob pleads with him to come out. He’s forced to apologize to Chet, though he won’t allow himself to go so far as to say he believes him. He tells Chet that what matters now is he’s a man in love with a mannequin and the mannequin that he’s currently holding should be in Chet’s arms, not his. Chet is clearly moved by Bob’s words and agrees to finally open the door.

Uplifting music plays as Chet gazes upon Nadine for the first time in…seasons. He remarks, “Tough times, huh baby?” upon seeing her new look but assures her that he won’t judge her for what she had to do to get by. They proceed to have a one-sided conversation as Chet mostly makes noises like he’s agreeing with whatever she has to say. Linda remarks that Chet is a good listener and women like that. Bob has to interject that she’s a mannequin with Gene adding, “one that won’t shut up, apparently.” Bob then tries to steer Chet back to the display as he’s pretty concerned about it. Chet confers with Nadine, who apparently had something funny to say. Bob is very concerned about what she had to say, but Chet assures him he wouldn’t get it and agrees to do a new display.

We cut to upstairs and we’re apparently going with a nativity scene. Chet is Joseph, Nadine is Mary, Tina, Linda, and Louise are kings and Gene is baby Jesus. Chet gives a brief pep talk concluding with “Aaaand no action!” Hah, mannequin humor. Bob heads outside to present the display which goes over well. Mort’s mom is present and remarks it was worth the wait. Teddy offers to take a picture of Mort and his mother and tells Mort to fix the wig. Mort thinks he was referring to the rug on his head, but Teddy informs him he was referring to Mort’s mother who has a weird, pointy, thing going on.

The good feelings are short-lived though as almost immediately the sex store clerk shows up demanding the return of his mannequin. He barges into the restaurant and goes for Nadine while Chet informs him “She’s with me now.” The two grapple over the wooden woman while the display gets knocked over and poor baby Jesus finds himself in manger danger. The clerk seems to gain control of the doll and tells everyone they’re lucky he doesn’t call the cops on them and mistakes them for perverts. Well, Chet might be, but Tina asks if they can simply buy Nadine off of him. He tells them she’s not for sale, but Gene correctly points out that every sex shop owner has their price. The clerk counters with five grand and Bob quickly refuses. Louise retrieves a wad of cash from the cash register and counts out $263 bucks. Bob protests and tells her that was the money they were going to use to buy them presents, but Louise laughs since it’s no where near the amount needed for an apartment. Tina tells her father that he can spend her allotted money on Nadine and the others agree with Louise adding she better get one hell of a President’s Day present. The clerk relents and takes their money in exchange for Nadine.

With Nadine returned to Chet where she belongs, the family is overwhelmed with positive vibes. Chet is beyond happy and Bob is even feeling the warmth as he tells Chet, though somewhat reluctantly, that he can stay through New Years. Everyone is happy, and Chet remarks how he and Bob are so lucky to each have a special lady in their life. Bob just sort of politely agrees, but Chet pushes the sentiment further by suggesting the four of them take a vacation. Linda is onboard, but Bob clearly wants this conversation to end. Tina bails him out by saying they’ve waited long enough and urges Chet to kiss Nadine. Bad move, Tina, as Chet just starts making out with a mannequin in a restaurant window display while dressed as biblical figures. Nadine’s head even falls off, but Chet just picks it up and resumes making out with it. Then he makes the head kiss his neck while moaning. The crowd outside stares with rapt attention while Teddy indicates to Mort’s mom that this is making him hot. Is Teddy making a play for Mort’s mother?

The kiss continues and Tina points out that “It’s happening.” The kiss is turning Nadine into a woman! No, it’s turning Chet back into a mannequin! No, it’s actually doing nothing and Tina seems let down. Mike the Mailman, who is in the crowd, determines they took things too far with this final display and everyone else seems to agree as the crowd disperses. Edith (Murphy), the always grumpy old lady, even tells the Belchers to burn in Hell as she departs.

Christmas Day arrives and we’re in the Belcher living room where Linda is declaring that Uncle Ernie’s storage unit had a few treasures in it. Gene opens his gift and thanks Santa for an exit sign. Tina is happy with her shoe sizer while Louise seems thrilled to have a device that removes security tags from merchandise. I can see her getting into some trouble with that as she declares “Next Christmas is on me!” Chet is seated in a lounge chair with Nadine draped across his lap in a sexy Santa outfit. Bob asks what he’s going to do after the new year and Chet just casually remarks he plans to go back to Manhattan. Apparently he owns a loft there which has been in the process of getting renovated. We hear an exasperated Bob shout “WHAT?!” before heading to the credits.

That’s one hell of an ending! We may not have had suicide jokes, but we did get another story of apparent mental illness of a man who misses his ex. Only the ex isn’t really an ex in the traditional sense. Not because she’s a mannequin, but because they never broke up or anything. They were just forcefully separated, if you believe Chet’s story. I would categorize him as an unreliable narrator, at best.

This one has lots of twists and turns. Down on their luck family seems posed to have a Christmas miracle befall them in the form of an unexpected inheritance, only it occurs in the first act so we kind of know that’s probably not where we’re going. Then it turns into a case of a family that has almost nothing taking in a guy who literally has nothing who turns out to be a blessing in disguise. The fact that all of Chet’s exposure he got the restaurant only amounted to $263 really drives home how unsuccessful the business really is. And from there, things get turned on their head when we find out that Chet is a very troubled man who is in love with a mannequin. Bob doesn’t believe him, and yet he and his family do what I guess is the right thing in reuniting Chet with his “wife,” only to have it dropped on us that Chet is apparently a pretty well-off guy with a loft in New York. Or maybe that’s a delusion as well, who can say? All I know is we went on one hell of a ride. It’s a bit unorthodox for Christmas, but the very first Christmas special for Bob’s Burgers never loses sight of the holiday. It’s basically a typical, atypical, holiday special in that the Belchers do something that’s mostly selfless in the spirit of the holiday without any real reward, in the end.

As a viewer, we do root for the Belchers so this one can be a bit frustrating to see them throw away what is probably some much-needed money on a mannequin. Especially if Chet is some rich guy. The ending might rattle some nerves since there’s obviously more to the story, but I like how it lands and nothing that follows could be funnier or more satisfying. We don’t need to see Bob angrily throw Chet out or see him have the opposite reaction of depressed acceptance. Chet probably didn’t reward the family any further than his displays did and it would work against the whole selfless act resolution. So many selfless acts in Christmas specials are essentially undone with the protagonist getting rewarded anyway so I like that we just end it right where it did.

This is a very entertaining episode of Bob’s Burgers, Christmas or otherwise. I may like some other Christmas episodes more, but this is one of those episodes that does make me rethink my Bob’s Burgers Christmas hierarchy. If you would like to take this one then you need only turn to Hulu or Disney+. I’ve said that a lot so far this year and I’ll probably say it some more! The episode is also available to purchase in the usual spots and it’s probably airing in syndication if you have cable.