Over thirty years ago, ego and the dollar ruled. It was a world with a changing television landscape. It was the golden age for animation! On one side you had the CEO of The Walt Disney Company Michael Eisner who entered the world of television animation with one goal in mind: to make the best animation television has ever seen (and to make a lot of money doing so). As a rival there was Stephen Spielberg. He too wanted to create animation for television that didn’t look like it was created for television. Neither man was so foolish as to suggest that their output would be as good as a feature film, but it was going to be miles ahead of what had come before it. By the late 90s though, all that was coming to an end. The television boom in animation was over as networks were finding it cheaper to import shows already created. Kids would watch whatever was put in front of them and ego gave way to fiscal responsibility. Such can be seen in the transition from Gargoyles to The Goliath Chronicles.
Yup, we’re finally doing it. After spending years avoiding the third season of the Disney Afternoon show Gargoyles I finally decided to take a look and see what all the fuss was about. If you’re new to Gargoyles, basically the show aired as part of the syndicated Disney Afternoon in the mid-90s. It was one of the later additions to the programming block which started winding down in the years that followed. With that, came the end of all of the shows that were part of it unless they could find a home elsewhere. Gargoyles was one such show and given a stay of execution as it would be moved to ABC’s One Saturday Morning as Disney recently acquired the network. Going from syndication to a network show is a big change behind the scenes as it introduces a whole new round of standards and practices, those things viewers and television producers tend to hate. For reasons not entirely clear to me, basically all of the creative staff on the show was replaced including showrunner Greg Weisman. Some may have left of their own accord as a the third season was a mere 13 episodes and in animation writers like to seek out full-series orders, whenever possible. Weisman did contribute to the third season’s first episode as a writer and was a consulting producer for the third season, but he’s indicated his only contributions were essentially negations.
The third season came with a new intro featuring CG that has not aged well. Perhaps that’s why the Disney+ episodes feature the Season Two intro.
Nevertheless, the show must go on and it’s not like a giant company like Disney would let anything stop them from doing something they wanted to do with a property they owned. The third season was given the subtitle The Goliath Chronicles and ran for 13 episodes. The voice cast returned and each episode was given an introductory monologue by Goliath (Keith David), a mostly pointless addition, but not one without merit since more Keith David is never a bad thing. Carl Johnson returned to handle the music, but beyond that almost everything was different. Eric Lewald (X-Men, Exo-Squad) was brought in as the new showrunner and joining him in the writer’s room were a lot of folks also associated with Fox’ X-Men. Both shows were still in production with X-Men also receiving its own surprise final season order and it’s possible the writers were spread thin. As an added challenge, the new writers were completely new to the show from what was reported. If any had watched Gargoyles previously I couldn’t find confirmation. Perhaps not surprisingly, the third season of Gargoyles shares a lot in common with X-Men as the main, over-arching, plot concerns a KKK-like group called The Quarrymen introduced in the first episode. Taking the gargoyles to a more grounded world where they have to confront human prejudice doesn’t sound like such a bad idea on the surface, but of course it’s the execution that matters most.
Walt Disney Animation Australia certainly tries hard, I guess that’s all we can ask.
Perhaps the biggest change for an animation lover such as myself is on the production end. As covered in the opening paragraph, by 1996 there was little appetite at Disney to keep raising the bar for what was being shown on television when it came to animation. Gargoyles was taken from Walt Disney Animation of Japan and handed over to Nelvana which in turn outsourced a lot of the episodes to Akom and Hanho Heung-Up Company, neither of which carries the reputation of some of the studios that worked on the first two seasons. The final episode of the season was given to Walt Disney Animation of Japan and it’s a noticeable improvement, though perhaps still not on the level of prior seasons. The penultimate episode, “Seeing Isn’t Believing,” looks over-animated with a lot of exaggerated character movements like someone was trying really hard to impress. That was done by Walt Disney Animation Australia so perhaps it was like an audition of sorts. Most of the episodes use simpler lighting, flatter models, and less demanding staging. The addition of network censors means you’ll rarely see a character throw a punch and instead there’s lots of pouncing and the old animation standby move of a character on their back flipping an adversary off of them.
Given the amount of censorship on this season, it’s a bit surprising they got away with this pseudo gargoyle crucifixion.
Censorship and lesser animation are but a disappointment, but not something that should necessarily doom an animated series. When people cite the third season of Gargoyles as being just plain bad, I have to believe it’s largely due to the approach being quite different. The first two seasons were, more or less, serialized. One plot beget another and during many chapters of the show one episode lead into another. Networks hate that sort of thing because one delayed episode can ruin everything. Many also believe it makes it hard for viewers to jump in and out of a series and if you’re alienating first-time viewers then you’re not growing your audience. Either there was a mandate to end that, or having a bunch of new writers necessitated lore taking a backseat to stand-alone episodes. And it’s not as if the show’s first 65 episodes were all bangers, it’s just that filler episodes tend to get lost easier when a show is airing on week days as opposed to week ends. Much of this third season feels like filler. Some of these episodes could perhaps slide into the first two seasons without much trouble, and some would still stick out as poor.
When it comes to the poor outings, most of them come back to scope. Take “And Justice for All” where Goliath actually gets captured and arrested and put on trial. The recent run of from Dynamite Comics undertook such a plot and it needed the better part of 9 issues to resolve it. The Goliath Chronicles tries to do it in one episode, and while I wouldn’t expect the show to get all of the legal system accurately conveyed in a children’s show, this one still turns out like a mockery of the whole thing. I have my issues with the plot in the comics as well, so in this case neither medium hit it out of the ballpark, but one is clearly inferior and it’s among the least enjoyable episodes of the season. Another episode I strongly disliked was “To Serve Mankind” where Goliath is brainwashed into attempting to murder a peace activist on an international visit to New York. He gets as far as yanking the man from his limo which leads to a rooftop showdown with the non-brainwashed members of the clan and the police. It’s all resolved in the end, but with absolutely no repercussions for the gargoyles and nothing carries over.
Most of the season just feels like it could have been filler, which is how you end up with plots like Broadway goes Hollywood.
There are other episodes that are fine. Lexington (Thom Adcox-Hernandez) taking an interest in the son of Xanatos (Jonathan Frakes), Alexander, leads to a somewhat cute story in the season’s second episode, “Ransom.” We also get to see Hudson (Ed Asner) deal with his own diminishing eye sight by seeking the help of his friend, Jeffrey (Paul Winfield), who also happens to be blind. He’s a returning character and there are other episodes dealing with members of The Pack, the clones, and Demona. Nothing is overly consequential though giving their appearances more of a “Villain of the Week” vibe as opposed to furthering character growth. There seems to be a deemphasis on the magical component of the show in favor of something more grounded. Again, I don’t necessarily find fault with exploring how the gargoyles relate to the humans and their chosen city, but perhaps this was too drastic a change for most.
We also need to talk about Xanatos. The chief rival and villain of the series was basically turned into an ally at the end of the second season. The new writers can hardly be blamed for that turn, but it feels abnormal to see how much of an ally is he is to the gargoyles in this third season. He is often relied upon to save the day and there are moments where I expected a return to the Xanatos of old, but it never comes. He is, as far as I can tell, completely earnest with his reform and consumed with being a father to Alexander and a husband to Fox (Laura San Giacomo), who too is completely reformed. I don’t know that I really wanted to see Xanatos pull another 180 and go full villain once again, but some nuance would have been nice. There’s really no conflict to speak of between he and the clan, though some distrust is still felt. There is a moment where conflict could arise in “Ransom,” but Xanatos squashes it immediately. I don’t love what the later stages of the show’s second season did with Xanatos, but this third season did nothing to rectify that either and instead represents a doubling-down.
The Quarrymen aren’t a bad addition to the show, but are perhaps too on the nose.
There’s a lot that doesn’t work with The Goliath Chronicles, but I suppose there is some time to say what does. I liked the approach of introducing a racist group of gargoyle haters and making that a season-long conflict. I wish there was something done to differentiate The Quarrymen more from the very similar Friends of Humanity as well as real world inspirations. It’s not as if X-Men is the only show that can utilize KKK-adjacent hate groups, but it does feel like there was some obligation on this show to find another way. I did enjoy the episode “The Dying of the Light” and it’s one I felt could have been transported to the second season with relative ease. “Ransom” was enjoyable, though perhaps misplaced as the second episode of the season, and I did like catching up with the clones in a meaningful way in “Genesis Undone.” The season finale does a good job of wrapping-up the season. It even uses a runaway train in much the same manner as the movie Spider-Man 2. Perhaps it was an inspiration? If it was, it’s probably the most meaningful contribution the show made to pop culture.
What drove me to finally watch The Goliath Chronicles after all these years was essentially the fact that there are only so many episodes of this show, of this cast, that it felt silly to dismiss some out of hand. Is the third season bad? In a vacuum, no. It’s a perfectly cromulent season of children’s television. Is it up to the standards of the first two seasons? No. I do think over the years the first two seasons have become deified to a degree because the high points are so high and the show is limited to 65 episodes. I’m not even sure if the show’s worst episode exists in Season 3, but I honestly haven’t given that particular subject much thought. Talented writers worked on this season and, in general, they delivered C-average work. It’s certainly not spectacular, but it’s hardly a trainwreck.
What fans seem to dislike the most is that nothing in this season feels essential. Subplots like Goliath and Elisa’s romance are stuck in neutral with no advancement. Broadway and Angela do get established as a couple though, so there’s that.
Does all this mean that I’m actually giving The Goliath Chronicles a recommend? Well, not exactly. It’s disposable television and there’s an abundance of that out there to the point where it feels like one doesn’t have the time to waste on anything that isn’t wonderful. I do think if you’re a Gargoyles fan who has never watched it and dismisses it as trash then you do owe it to the show to actually watch it and see for yourself. It’s probably hard at this point to not go into it with an objective mind, but for those that do I think most would come away with a half-hearted “It’s all right.” If you just want to know the main story of Gargoyles and are only interested in the aspects of the story considered canon, then you don’t need to watch this. Even if this season were considered canon, really nothing happens that would have made it difficult to jump into a hypothetical fourth season. It’s all pretty disposable. You can safely stick to the first two seasons, the SLG comics, and the current Dynamite run for the core story. If you just want some new adventures with a familiar cast then at least The Goliath Chronicles might have something new to offer if you’ve been ignoring it for almost 30 years.
It was nearly 6 months ago that NECA unveiled one of its newest licenses for 2021: Gargoyles! I was incredibly pumped at the time to see that NECA had acquired Gargoyles because the license had so much potential. The show was basically a cult hit in the 90s often characterized as Disney’s answer to Batman:…
Happy Boxing Day! It’s been a minute, but we’re back with another figure in NECA’s line of action figures based on the 90s cartoon/property Gargoyles – Hudson! Hudson, who was wonderfully brought to life by the late Ed Asner, was always my favorite character in the show. He’s basically the old veteran of the group.…
We are getting oh so very close to assembling the original Manhattan Clan in action figure form! Disney’s take on gothic beasts originally included the following gargoyles: Goliath, Hudson, Bronx, Brooklyn, Broadway, and Lexington. The clan would grow from there, but those six are still the first that come to mind for me when I…
It’s been said that the 80s were pretty wild, and it’s not much of an exaggeration. At least where children’s media is concerned. After years of the government getting involved in what was okay to broadcast to children, the Reagan administration basically said “Eh, kids deserve to have everything and anything marketed towards them.” There were still some educational mandates placed on broadcast networks, but television producers were basically allowed to make glorified toy commercials that could pass as entertainment on their own. And apparently there just wasn’t enough kid’s content out there because toy producers turned to an unlikely source for inspiration: the R rated movie.
R rated films were suddenly on-brand to market to kids, boys mostly. Rambo got a TV show and the advertising blitz that came out of Terminator 2 at the toy aisle was inescapable. Perhaps the oddest of the bunch though was RoboCop. One look at RoboCop and it’s easy to see how that design could appeal to a kid. He’s a big cyborg with a giant sidearm housed in his leg. Since he’s a cop he can be marketed as a good guy and if one were to just make a cartoon about a robot cop for kids it’s not hard to imagine that working. The reality is that the Paul Verhoeven helmed film was a satirical takedown of the police state, consumerism, and a lot of the vices of the time present in 80s America. A show coming out of that which is just “The cops are your friends now here’s some toys” is about as far from the premise of the film as one could get, but it’s what we got.
RoboCop: Alpha Commando spanned 40 episodes airing in late 1998 and into 1999.
RoboCop premiered in the fall of 1988 and failed to make much of an impact. The show is more famous in animation circles for having its lone season cut from 13 episodes to 12 so that Marvel Productions could take that money and apply it to a pilot for an X-Men cartoon that would never get picked up. Interestingly, just a few years later the same executive producer of RoboCop, Margaret Loesch, would find herself overseeing the Fox Kids Network where she finally had enough pull to get an X-Men cartoon to television. Her chosen showrunner for that project was Eric Lewald who developed the show alongside Larry Houston and a host of others. As fate would have it, when Orion was looking to try RoboCop once again on the small screen in the late 90s, it was Eric alongside wife Julia who were tabbed to develop a new show. Larry Houston was once again on-hand, this time as a producer, and the end result would be RoboCop: Alpha Commando.
Alpha Commando is not a direct continuation of the old show or even the films, but it does sort of feel like one. It was a direct to syndication show and received an initial order of 40 episodes, which when paired with the 12 episodes of the first series, gets you to the magic number of 52 syndicated shows like to have. It takes place 10 years after RoboCop was originally created. Set in the far off time of 2030, RoboCop (David Sobolov) has been reawakened to deal with terrorists and save New Detroit City, America, the world? – once again. He has a new partner in Agent Nancy Miner (Akiko Morison) and the only character from the original movie is Sgt. Reed (Blu Mankuma). . I have zero memory of this show and I can only assume it was airing on cable. It definitely has a USA Network or Sci-Fi Channel vibe about it.
RoboCop is back with a new look and a new partner.
Was it wise to once again try and adapt RoboCop for animation? 1998 was certainly an odd time to try. The film franchise was dead following the poorly received RoboCop 3 in 1993. That film tried to bring the character more in-line with what Orion likely felt was a commercial entity as it was a PG-13 rated film instead of R. I certainly can’t speak for all children of 1993, but I know I wasn’t impressed in the rating moving from R to PG-13. That felt condescending and my kid brain rejected the PG-13 RoboCop. Plus, the movie sucked anyway. Come 1998, if you were 8-10 years old in 1993 then you were now 13-15 and likely aging out of cartoons. Just who was this show going to be for? It mostly feels like the last gasp of a fading franchise, one last shot at a big payday for the relatively small studio, and it doesn’t look like it worked out.
That doesn’t mean the show is bad. It very well might be, but I’ve honestly never watched a moment of it before now and I didn’t even know it existed. At the time, I probably came across it and was aware, but I obviously forgot and never sought it out. We’re here though which means it must have a Christmas episode. “Oh Tannenbaum Whoa Tannenbaum!” sounds like a bad Misfits song, but it’s also intriguing. Maybe not deservedly so as I can’t imagine this show is anything like the original film, but RoboCop setting its sights on Christmas has a lot of potential. Heck, lets see if at age 85 we can convince Paul Verhoeven to essentially come out of retirement and direct a real RoboCop Christmas special. I’d buy that for a dollar!
He’s got roller blades and tentacles and probably a bunch of other stuff now.
This episode of RoboCop: Alpha Commando resides almost right in the middle of the show’s run which means there’s probably some continuity at this point and the audience is expected to know who these characters are. I do not, but we’re going to do the best we can. The show begins with the caption that this is New Detroit City in the year 2030. We get some quick shots of RoboCop being constructed, or awakened, and some techno music from Carl Johnson starts to build. It’s a pretty rad intro, until the vocals come in. It’s just some layered voices chanting “ROBO-COP!” and it sounds so stupid. The visuals have also changed to show RoboCop in action. Apparently, a big metal dude with a gun isn’t cool enough so now he’s more like a bad ass Inspector Gadget. He has pop-out roller blades in his feet, net launchers in his forearms, and he can shoot out cables that wrap up his foes. We even get to see him stopping a train like Superman might. This is not your father’s RoboCop, folks.
RoboCop’s size is going to fluctuate quite a bit throughout the episode.
The episode begins high above the city as snow is falling. A robot floats onto the screen that resembles a fancy trashcan. It’s basically advertising itself as a kitchen aid and wants people to go buy one this Christmas. A blimp sails by with a video advertisement for perfume broadcasting from it and a robotic Santa with a lone reindeer crosses paths with the screen that contains a video message from one Giggles the Elf who wants people to buy him at Hunting Dorfs department store. If Hunting Dorfs is a play on an existing store it’s not landing for me (Bloomingdale’s?). It’s also possible this store is from one of the films, it’s been a while since I watched one. At street level, Agent Miner is stuck in traffic and quite angry about it. She’s pissed at all of the late shoppers clogging the streets, but her partner RoboCop is quick to point out that she’s in the same boat. RoboCop in this show is quite a deal larger than he is in the movie and looks rather absurd in a pedestrian vehicle. I don’t think he could be expected to fit in this thing. He’s also more of a dark gray in color than the steel look he had in the film and prior cartoon. I’m surprised they were able to resist calling this show RoboCop: Xtreme!
Don’t the holidays always bring out the best in people?
Inside the store, we hard cut to Sgt. Reed taking a purse to the face. A pair of older women are fighting over this Giggles the Elf doll. It’s an amusing sight as the doll is basically life-sized so the two women look like they’re playing tug-of-war with a rather short man in place of a rope. A store manager comes to help Sgt. Reed up off the floor as the purse was apparently swung by one of these women. He apologizes for the behavior of the guests as people are getting really upset and claiming that their items are being stolen. We see a group of people basically just bickering with each other and accusing each other of theft. Reed tries to put out the fire with a plea for Christmas spirit, but a rather large, angry, woman is having none of it. She lifts the rather large man off of his feet and throws him back into the other cops! Then the other patrons start wailing on them with all of their various items! This is nuts! If this were a scene in the original film, the cops would be jumping to their feet and blasting away at this mob, but this is a kid’s show. Before the scene ends, we see a bag laying on its side and a red-gloved hand sneaks into frame to snatch the contents of said bag. The hand clearly belongs to one of those elf dolls.
It’s time for RoboCop and Miner to get their special, holiday, assignment.
We switch locations with an exterior shot of the police headquarters. It looks like a giant, domed, stadium so I guess their budget is appropriately large. Sgt. Reed is sitting at his desk and rubbing the back of his head with an ice bag while RoboCop gives him a quick examination. The image is from his point of view and we get to see he’s X-raying the guy without any sort of protective equipment so he’s probably just blasting radiation out into that office. Reed has some superficial injuries to go along with his bruised dignity, as RoboCop puts it, and then the big guy prints out a bill for him. I bet he doesn’t pay it. Officer Miner then sets the plot up for us as she mentions all of the people Reed had arrested at the store were claiming to be victims of a robbery. How like the police to arrest the aggrieved? Reed says the security cameras turned up nothing, and I guess because we need a reminder of what the stakes are here, the giant woman from earlier barges in with cops draped all over her to scream about her rights and that those elf dolls were hers! The police are apparently too busy with crowd control, so Sgt. Reed has no choice but to ask Miner and Murphy to go undercover and catch these thieves. Yeah, you read that right, he wants the giant robot guy to go undercover.
Attention shoppers, please pay no attention to the unusually proportioned snowman in the center of the mall. Thank you.
RoboCop’s answer to such a request is to put on a snowman costume. I’ve seen worse ideas, though the proportions on this snowman are unlike any I have ever seen. He’s stationed inside the mall and some onlookers are understandably curious about this beefy looking snowman. Miner is nearby with an arm full of packages as she pretends to be a rich person without her trusty butler. It’s ridiculous, but apparently her plan works as her purse gets snatched. There’s an animation gaffe as the purse is still there when she tells her partner that they took the bait, then it vanishes. Mr. Frosty springs into action by ditching the costume and running after a beacon that was apparently in Miner’s bag. It’s now in the bag belonging to…grandma? Well, a little old lady, and RoboCop is pretty surprised when he picks her up off of her feet. A little elf then pops out of the bag and it’s that Giggles guy. He aims something at RoboCop that fires oil which lands on his trademarked red visor allowing him to make an escape with his elf buddies.
This doesn’t look like a fair fight.
You think a little oil to the eye is going to stop RoboCop? Hah! He just engages his go-go-gadget wipers and clears that stuff out in a flash! He runs after the elves which number five and manages to corner them in a dead end. It’s rather odd for a mall to feature such a thing, but I’ll allow it. RoboCop is a bit confused at what he’s seeing, but the elves (who are all identical) waste no time in attacking. They take to his ankles with torches and saws and start hacking away while RoboCop…just stands there? I’m getting angry as I watch this thinking RoboCop is about to just crumple into a pile of bolts, but he does start kicking them and tossing them away. They repeatedly smash into the wall and we get another animation error as six elves slam into the wall instead of five. Or, one got up, ran back at RoboCop offscreen, and got tossed a second time. RoboCop seems to think he’s got them, but Giggles here seems to think otherwise as he points out the crowd of onlookers. The group (many of which are reused models from the earlier scene of the cop beatdown and should probably be in jail right now) are all disgusted that RoboCop would attack Giggles like this, and I guess they’re trying to turn the public against RoboCop? The other elves then fall apart as they’re all robots and RoboCop is left holding the last, functional, one.
A lot of these images look pretty weird out of context.
RoboCop was evidently able to extricate himself from that sticky situation as we cut to the laboratory of Dr. Neumeier (Dean Haglund) who is examining the severed head of Giggles the Elf. He’s rather impressed with the tech on display and declares that whoever developed this thing is a genius while Miner thinks they’re a “nutbar.” RoboCop pops out that hand spike of his and connects to the computer system to analyze the head. He finds the security footage from the store there and it’s been edited to scrub out the crimes. Neumeier seems to find this impossible, but then the writer of the episode gets to self-congratulate themselves via Neumeier who sums up the situation with a “Who came up with this?” Sgt. Reed then contacts the group via video chat and he can be seen dodging flying presents as there’s more trouble down at Hunting Dorfs. He needs backup, so RoboCop and Miner depart to assist.
I think I’m supposed to know who this woman is.
As the pair exit the lab, they find a giant gift placed on the stoop just outside. The two seem confused, but Neumeier is psyched as no one ever gives him presents. He drags the heavy item inside as the other two leave. As he sits down to unwrap it he actually hopes aloud that it contains a massive fruit cake because we just had to get a fruit cake mention in here. It does not though and instead contains…a woman?! If you’re thinking something like the classic stripper in the cake bit, you would be mistaken as this woman is very clothed. She’s decked out in holiday attire and appears to be holding a pie. When she bursts out she cries “Newmy!” as the guy falls out of his chair in surprise. These two clearly have a history, but I can’t even tell what her name is. Charlotta?
Most guys are happy to have a horny Christmas woman emerge from a box, but maybe not when they’re homicidal.
After a quick break, we come back to the same scene and Charlotta (I’m reasonably confident that’s her name) is emerging from the remnants of the gift as Neumeier comes to. She asks where RoboCop is as she claims to have something for him, but realizing he’s not there she sets down her pie. Neumeier is apparently so shocked to see her because she’s been in prison for apparently trying to kill Neumeier and the others. They also have some kind of toxic relationship at play because Charlotta seems to like him and she’s also pretty horny after being in jail for what I assume was months. She says she got out for good behavior, but who can be sure? She points out that Neumeier apparently promised to wait for her and vows to make it worth his while. When he mentions the attempted murder, Charlotta responds with an unconvincing, “Oh Newmy! I wouldn’t hurt a fly!” as she strokes his cheek.
Sisters are doing it for themselves!
We’re apparently going to leave those two to their reunion and shift scenes at this point. We’re back at a department store and the place is in chaos. People are fighting, nuns are striking cops, and someone swiped a coat off of a mannequin that looks just like Daria’s friend Jane. Sgt. Reed informs RoboCop and Miner that the place is going crazy because the whole system is down and people can’t use their credit cards. I’ve been in stores when that happens and I can’t say I’ve ever seen a melee break out. The store manager is there to confirm the chaos. When the whole world conspires to keep consumers from consuming the whole thing falls apart. You know, I think I am getting a teeny bit of the original RoboCop‘s vibe in this show after all. And even more so when RoboCop asks who supplied those dolls and the manager confirms it was the same company that installed their security system. When Miner points out how bizarre that is, the manager agrees, but since the dolls were practically free and come with massive profit margins it was a risk worth taking. Spoken like a true capitalist!
Leave Rudolph alone!
Miner directs RoboCop’s attentiont to a store display Rudolph. The world’s most famous reindeer seems intent on watching the two. RoboCop does some sort of analysis thingy and determines the red, glowing, nose is actually a camera. Upon having that out in the open, Rudolph decides to flee. Miner can’t get off a clean shot, so RoboCop has to pursue declaring unenthusiastically that this is his new role: Destroyer of Christmas. I’m thinking we’re about to see these gnarly roller blades he’s got concealed in his feet, but RoboCop instead deploys his grappling hook from his arm to wrap the reindeer up. With the creature subdued, RoboCop is able to hogtie it (deertie?) and shove his fist-spike into an orifice on the creature’s side. The robo-deer doesn’t appear to like this and I feel like RoboCop has some consent issues, and this probably violates a whole bunch of laws too, but who knows what’s been passed in this new fascist state? RoboCop downloads a whole bunch of stuff and poor Rudolph seems rather worse for ware.
This is the part where Charlotta gets all “When Harry Met Sally” on us.
We return to Neumeier’s lab where we find the young scientist backpedaling pleading with Charlotta not to do something. And that something appears to be sex as the woman pursues the clumsy oaf imploring him not to think, but feel. He ends up against a wall and makes a quip about feeling some indigestion brought on by sauerkraut (gross), so his breath must reek. Charlotta tells him not to tease her, then says “You know what I want.” When Neumeier responds with an “I do?” she goes full-blown into fake orgasm mode with a “Yes. Yes! YES!” Before we can have just what she wants confirmed, a light from her box (no, not that one, the box she arrived in you perv) starts blinking and distracts her. She tells Neumeier that what she wants is a snack, maybe some hot cocoa, Lab boy runs off to fetch something for her which allows Charlotta to see what’s going on back in her box. There’s some device that’s basically a big answering machine and when she checks her messages we see a video of RoboCop sharing what he found inside Rudolph with the others. RoboCop has apparently uncovered a signal that will lead them to whoever is behind this prompting Miner to wonder aloud who would be sick enough to do this at Christmas?
I thought it was odd when she asked for a snack after already bringing a pie.
Charlotta, that’s who! She’s understandably pissed and says she knew those two would screw things up for her. Neumeier then returns with two cups of cocoa and Charlotta has to turn off the villainous talk and trade it for her cute voice. She’s aghast at the lack of marshmallows in her cocoa, which may be true, or its a ruse to get Neumeier to leave the room again. With him off looking for the gelatinous desert item, Charlotta pulls out a small vile of gray substance and pours it into Neumeier’s cup. He comes back to announce he’s all out and Charlotta indicates she’s fine with that and encourages him to drink up. A genius like Neumeier should probably see this encouragement for what it is, but he doesn’t and soon collapses into a puddle. Charlotta laughs at him calling him “Nerd-meier!” and then pulls out her pie once more revealing it’s actually a bomb.
These elves are creepy, but I still feel like the two with the guns have the upperhand here.
RoboCop and Miner are shown entering what looks like a warehouse. I assume this is where the Giggles dolls are made. Up on a catwalk is Charlotta and Neumeier who is semi-conscious and bound to a chair. She refers to the pair as a couple of Christmas turkeys in need of stuffing because, remember, she’s still super horny from being in prison. Neumeier sees the two and asks why they’re so tiny which allows RoboCop to tell that he’s been drugged. A bunch of Giggles dolls then surround the two and it’s time for a rumble!
Spoiler alert: she hates Christmas, though maybe not for the reason you would have expected.
Miner reminds Charlotta that this is where the villain speech goes, and the tactic works! Charlotta claims she’s knew to villainy and starts to inform the two of her plans while RoboCop indicates he’s recording the confession. It would seem that in 2030, online shopping has started to die off and this whole scheme was concocted by Charlotta, who is being paid by Big Internet, to make in-store buying a truly wretched experience thus driving people back to the online retailers. RoboCop gets to be the one to ask “Why?” and Charlotta’s response is probably what you’re expecting: she hates Christmas. She hates it because her last name is Tannenbaum and she’s sick of the jokes. She gets to be the one to say the episode’s title and remarks she hates how people will ask her “Can I play with your ornaments?” Is that a boob joke?
Damn, I know it’s a robot, but this is rather brutal. You can even see the fear in its lifeless eyes.
Now that the plan has been been revealed we can get to the violence. Charlotta, I guess, just walks away leaving her minions to attack RoboCop and Miner. They lay waste to the elf robots and these dome-headed robots that look like something out of Lost in Space. If seeing mechanical elf parts thrown around is unsettling, wait until you see RoboCop blast a robot snowman with a flame thrower! And then there’s the reindeer that shoot lasers out of their antlers, which RoboCop destroys with a grenade. It’s Miner who gets to make the remark about being glad her son isn’t here to witness this.
She’s definitely DTF with this guy, but right now she needs a hostage more than a boyfriend.
The robots have been dealt with, so now it’s just Charlotta. She apparently does care about Neumeier as she unties him and carries him to the roof. Or, she just needs a hostage. The cops pursue her as Neumeier comes to. Charlotta may like him, or may not, but she’s willing to dangle him over the edge of the roof in order to keep RoboCop and Miner at bay. Neumeier, not wanting to end up like a bowl of cranberry sauce, tries reasoning with Charlotta. He tells her that he understands what it’s like to be a super genius and have people not “get” you. He says he meant it when he told her that he’d wait for her, and even uses the “L” word. Charlotta starts sobbing and seems to be touched, but when Neumeier suggests she let him go she hardens to tell him that isn’t happening. Then, the kitchen robot from the very beginning of the episode emerges and the thing is huge! I did not get a sense for its scale at the time, but it’s like a spaceship. Charlotta tackles Neumeier into it, and the robot flies away.
I have to say I did not see this coming.
So that’s it? The bad girl gets away and is probably getting some action right now while RoboCop and Miner are forced to look on. Hah, of course not! RoboCop scans the skies and finds the Santa balloon from earlier and declares that they’re hitching a ride! Inside the kitchen robot, a delighted Charlotta is busy making plans for she and her beloved. They’re going to move to the suburbs, build a dog, and clone some kids. Neumeier doesn’t seem unhappy about this. They’re interrupted by a banging from above, and it’s the giant Santa balloon. This thing is also way bigger than I initially thought as RoboCop and Miner are standing on the sleigh’s bench. RoboCop is probably the size of one of of Santa’s fingers. He’s got his jack-in device inserted and he’s controlling the balloon and making it basically bounce off the top of Charlotta’s. She vows not to go down without a fight, and the hatchet arms of her ride start spinning. RoboCop demonstrates that he has a finger laser and he finger bangs the right arm off of the robot balloon, but isn’t able to do the same to the left before it penetrates the Santa balloon and the two begin to do as Charlotta said: go down.
I feel like these two should get a few minutes alone in a holding cell.
Back at Hunting Dorfs, the Giggles dolls are being marched away in handcuffs. Apparently robots have rights? How progressive! Sgt. Reed is standing by with the store manager who indicates he can’t take anymore this Christmas, his nerves are shot. Reed gets to say the fateful line of “It’s over,” when it most certainly is not. The two balloons come crashing through the glass ceiling creating an awful mess. Miner is the first to emerge from the wreckage completely unscathed and apologetic for what just happened to the man’s store. Reed asks where’s Murphy, and that’s RoboCop’s cue to emerge “Upholding the loving spirit of the holiday season.” That’s because Neumeier and Charlotta are basically seated on his palm in a passionate embrace. He sets the pair down and Charlotta seeks to confirm if her beloved will wait for her again. Neumeier just says he’ll email her every day and then goes in for a kiss. We’re denied actually seeing it as Miner tells RoboCop she needs to get out of there before she loses her lunch. RoboCop suggests she needs to get into the holiday spirit as the two walk out and she retorts with a “Don’t push it.” As they exit the building, the few items not completely destroyed in their wake fall apart and we roll credits.
An odd shot to end the episode on. I guess they have no interest in assisting with the cleanup.
That was…not bad? The opening for the episode made the show look rather silly and goofy, but once it got going there was way more RoboCop to be found than I ever expected. Consumers going nuts because they can’t buy stuff is a rather damning indictment of the holiday shopping season. A horned-up villain who wants to destroy Christmas because her name lends itself well to boob jokes? Impressively absurd. And the episode even seemed to make a point that the cops left the world in a worse state after catching the bad guy with that final shot of the crumbling store. The show was rated Y-7, but there was quite a bit of suggestive dialogue between Charlotta and Neumeier that would be way over a sever-year-old’s head and the action scenes make liberal use of the fact that the enemies are mostly mechanical. What other kid’s show is going to have its hero violate Rudolph and incinerate Frosty? That’s Robot Chicken type stuff, not Saturday morning.
The animation was a mixed bag. It was choppy and probably done on the cheap while the characters had fairly intricate designs and a semi-realistic approach to the art style. In that, it’s not unlike Lewald’s other show, X-Men, which was guilty of the same. The voice cast was pretty good, though this is one of those shows that doesn’t list out the roles of who does what. I know who the main cast is, but the secondary characters are a mystery. I think Charlotta was voiced by Elizabeth Carol Savenkoff as she’s the only other female listed, but the rest are unknown to me.
Santa Claus just toppling consumerism here, even though he’s responsible for a large portion of it.
Christmas-wise, we get plenty of background stuff. I’m glad there was no kid character to play to outside of the one girl upset with RoboCop for beating the shit out of Giggles. There was a subtle B plot about RoboCop being unhappy about taking down these Christmas themed bad guys like it was a burden of some kind, but it wasn’t really played up. There were some jokes written into the dialogue, but nothing particularly humorous. Instead the humor is situational and even a touch dark since I think we’re supposed to laugh at some of the violence inflicted upon Christmas. I suppose this was a bit of a tough episode to just jump into as my first one since there was obviously a history with Charlotta, but I didn’t find it to be much of a barrier.
If you enjoy blasting Christmas symbolism with a gun then this just may be the thing for you.
Is this episode of RoboCop: Alpha Commando getting a recommend from me this holiday season? I guess so. There was enough of a satirical element at play that I think it’s worth a look. Plus, it’s easy to find streaming for free so it’s not like it’s going to cost you anything. I am left a bit curious about the show as a whole where as before I was indifferent. I’ve always felt there’s only one good RoboCop anything, the first film, and the rest was trash, but maybe there is at least one exception to be made.
Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:
This year we’re celebrating two things at The Christmas Spot. Well, 3 things if you count Christmas by itself, which I suppose you should. Every fifth day, we’re celebrating the best of the best which is why yesterday was A Charlie Brown Christmas. If you read the feature on December 1st for this year, then…
In the 1980s, Nickelodeon didn’t have a lot of animated content. That’s probably surprising for today’s adolescents, but that’s how the network was in the old days. That was due in large part to the network first prioritizing educational content, and then wanting to make sure whatever it aired couldn’t be found on another channel.…
When Pixar set out to create competing, fictional, toys in its debut film Toy Story it settled on cowboys and space rangers. The thought being that once upon a time cowboys were the most popular fantasy toy among boys, but were soon replaced by fantastic space voyagers once real-life space travel became possible. In order…
Today, The Christmas Spot temporarily alters it’s name to The X-Mas Spot. As a sort-of celebration for the animated series X-Men turning 30 this past Halloween we’re going to look at the show’s lone holiday special – “Have Yourself a Morlock Little X-Mas.” The show X-Men was a pretty serious affair as far as kid shows go. It wasn’t very jokey or gimmicky and it technically didn’t even have a tie-in toy line. Sure, ToyBiz had an X-Men line of figures, but it was technically a tie-in with the comic book. The show undoubtedly influenced the line, there was a Morph figure after all, but the point is this wasn’t a show that went for the cheap hits so when a Christmas special was announced during the holiday season of 1995 I was pretty damn surprised.
Why does a show like X-Men then feature a holiday special? As is the answer to most things that seem unexplainable from afar when it comes to television – it was the network. Fox wanted a Christmas special from the show so it delivered one. It’s not a fan favorite and writer/showrunner Eric Lewald basically admits they made it intentionally campy to reflect other cheesy Christmas episodes of popular shows. They even got in a “Not on Christmas!” line into it. The episode is what it is, a shoe-horned concept into a show that probably shouldn’t feature such an episode, but perhaps there is still some value here. Besides, who doesn’t want to spend Christmas with Wolverine?
This is the story of Jubilee’s first X-Mas with the X-Men, which means it probably shouldn’t be assumed that we’ve been watching their lives unfold in a linear fashion or else they’ve had one hell of a year.
The episode begins at the home of the X-Men. Cyclops (Norm Spencer), Rogue (Lenore Zann), and Jubilee (Alyson Court) are decorating a massive tree in the mansion’s foyer. As they do, they’re joyously singing “Deck the Halls” and Cyclops sounds particularly awful, but seemingly intentionally so as he calls attention to his bad singing and suggests the other two carry on without him. Brooding off by the fireplace is old Wolverine (Cal Dodd) who predictably wants nothing to do with the holiday festivities despite the insistence of Jubilee for him to do so. It’s her first Christmas with the X-Men, which would seem all of the events up until now that have occurred in the show have taken place within a year, and she seems a little hurt that Wolverine won’t participate, but Rogue is here to reassure her and even lifts her up to the top of the tree to put the star in place.
Gambit is apparently impervious to boiling water.
Off in the kitchen, Jean (Catherine Disher) is preparing a Christmas dinner, but she has to contend with Gambit (Chris Potter). Despite her being the appointed chef, Gambit is sporting an apron and togue and appears to view himself on equal footing here. He rudely inquires what she’s preparing and Jean angrily retorts “It’s called food, Gambit. Normal, Christmas food.” Gambit, being from Louisiana and a connoisseur of cajun cuisine, seems to disagree strongly with whatever is boiling in a pot. When he goes for some seasoning, Jean uses her telekinetic powers to keep the spice on the counter despite how hard Gambit pulls on it. She also adds “The day that I need your help in the kitchen is the day that I stop cooking!” It’s a fine line, but Wolverine just used a similar one on Jubilee (“The day that I sing “Jingle Bells” is the day pigs fly”) so it’s a little redundant. She releases her psychic hold on the seasoning sending Gambit tumbling into the stove. He falls on his rear and the pot of water that was boiling lands on him, but seemingly does no harm. Jean gets a little laugh out of this while Gambit still insists she knows nothing about cooking a proper Christmas dinner.
In the lab, Beast (George Buza) is suspended from the ceiling mixing something in a beaker. It turns from red to green while Beast recites a poem by a “Sir Walter” that sounds festive enough. I only know the poem’s author because when Beasts tastes his “goo” he declares it worthy of the poem though he’s sure to point out this concoction is non-alcoholic (wouldn’t want the kids to think otherwise). We then cut to Professor X (Cedric Smith) and Storm (Alison Sealy-Smith) watching the goings on via the security monitors. It’s a bit creepy, but I guess someone is always watching these things for security reasons. Xavier notes that Storm seems a little blue and she remarks that seeing Jubilee makes her reflect on her own childhood. She grew up poor on the streets of Cairo, in case you were wondering as they don’t have time to discuss it further since alarms start blaring. Xavier thinks they’re under attack and Storm gets the first very, sweaty, Christmas special line “Could we be under attack – on Christmas Eve?!”
Beast is always so festive.
Cyclops receives a transmission about the alarm via his usual belt insignia. The “X” on everyone’s belts in this show were like two-way radios. The funny thing here is that Cyclops is not wearing his field uniform so rather than pressing a button on his chest he’s just touching his shirt. The X-Men race to the alarm’s origin which turns out to be Beast’s lab. They bust in only to find Beast in the process of shutting down the alarm. He’s covered in a red sauce and when Cyclops asks if he’s okay he indicates that he is, but his cranberry glaze is not. Wolverine is the last to arrive and he’s disappointed they weren’t under attack. He decides he’s had enough of this Christmas stuff and indicates he intends to go somewhere else for a bit. Jubilee then asks him if he’ll go shopping with her and Storm and Wolverine is right to point out how terrible shopping on Christmas Eve sounds. He makes a lame joke about having better luck fighting Sabretooth, but Jubilee does the whole “Please? For me?” and Wolverine responds with “Turn it off, kid.”
I’m going to have to agree with Wolverine here, the mall on Christmas Eve is something to be avoided.
Despite all of that, Wolverine does indeed accompany Jubilee and Storm to the mall against his better judgement. We see them walking around a department store and Jubilee’s face is hidden by the amount of boxes in her arms. She’s trying to talk to both Storm and Wolverine, but can’t see, and Wolverine kindly removes the top box so she can do so. She thanks him for coming and he gives her a “Don’t mention it,” but also reiterates his desire to leave. Jubilee is pretty amped up for Christmas, but also worried she’s not doing it right as she reminds us again that she’s never had a Christmas with a family before. Storm is reassuring, and as the trio makes their way out Wolverine is accosted by a sales woman pitching cologne. She sprays it in Wolverine’s face and informs him it’s sure to make women act like animals (rather risqué for a kid’s show), but Wolverine informs her he’s about to turn into an animal before Storm intercedes.
I feel like we’re missing a conversation here: How did Jubilee convince Wolverine to go ice skating?
Storm gestures towards freedom and encourages Wolverine to make a break for it. He does looking almost feral in the process. We then shift to an outdoor scene and the crew is doing some ice skating presumably at Rockefeller Center. Storm is watching from a bench as Jubilee and Wolverine skate. Jubilee tries to get Wolverine to cheer up and encourages him to have fun, but he just tells her she wouldn’t want to know what he finds fun. He then hears some sirens and goes on alert, but since Jubilee doesn’t have a super sense of hearing she dismisses him at first until Storm hears them as well.
Ape (left) can basically turn himself or his limbs into whatever he can come up with, but often his imagination seems to be lacking.
An ambulance comes crashing onto the ice and we soon see it’s being driven by Morlocks. Ape (Ross Petty) and Annalee (Kay Tremblay) emerge from the ambulance and start taking supplies from it. Wolverine comes skating up ready for a fight and calls their actions low by their standards. He grabs Ape, who had transformed his hands into paddles that look like duck feet to carry supplies. I feel like he could have morphed them into something far more useful. Anyway, Wolverine is ready for a fight, but Storm arrives and brings a blizzard with her to conceal their actions. Annalee informs her that they’re taking supplies to help Leech, a juvenile Morlock who is apparently very sick. They didn’t know what to do as they already tried a hospital, but they couldn’t care for the mutant boy. She takes this opportunity to also remind Storm that she is the leader of the Morlocks, something established way back in season one of the show, and that she’s never around when they need her. Storm agrees to help them and she uses her powers to thwart the approaching police and to provide cover for their escape. Wolverine indicates he’s not helping sewer rats, while Jubilee is worried about her presents. Storm tells the child to leave them, but she scoops them up anyway before following.
Callisto (left) and Storm have to set aside their differences for poor Leech who is afflicted with a severe case of plot sickness.
We then see the group walking through ankle deep water in the sewer. It would seem Wolverine decided to join them after all while Jubilee is worried that they’re supposed to be home in an hour for Christmas dinner. When they arrive at Leech, Callisto (Susan Roman) is there to “welcome” them. She gives Storm a bunch of sass for not being around when they need her which gets Wolverine riled up, but Storm tells him to back off as she seemingly accepts the criticism. She does inform Callisto that they can settle their differences later, for right now Leech needs their full attention. As for the child, he’s laying on a table under a blanket apparently unconscious. Storm, citing Wolverine’s experience with field medicine, instructs him to prep the child as she wants to take him to Beast. Wolverine walks over and checks the kid’s pulse and just says, “Uh oh…”
I think this is Marianna’s only appearance in the show.
Seated against the wall, Jubilee watches with concern on her face. She soon hears something behind her and it turns out to be a small, Morlock, girl who bares a strong resemblance to Leech. Jubilee greets the little, green, girl who then emerges from the shadows to come sit with Jubilee. Meanwhile, Callisto is frustrated that Wolverine isn’t preparing Leech for transport and grabs Storm insisting she order him to do something. Storm fights back until Wolverine shouts “Shut up!” at both of them. He then delivers the bad news that Leech isn’t going anywhere. His pulse is dropping too fast and there’s no way he would survive the trip back to the mansion. This leaves Jubilee to get another sweaty Christmas special line in of, “No, he can’t! Not today! It’s Christmas Eve!” as she hugs the small girl and we pan to a tiny, Morlock, Christmas tree that basically looks like Charlie Brown’s tree, only the lone ornament is broken.
Wolverine apparently has some PTSD in his past related to trying to heal people with his own blood.
As the adults discuss what to do, it’s Jubilee who says “Please Wolverine! You’re so good at healing yourself, can’t you help Leech?” Storm seems to like this train of thought and inquires with Wolverine about a blood transfusion. He refuses, while the others persist. Storm thinks it’s because Wolverine hates the Morlocks, but he shouts back at her “Don’t you think I want to help the kid?!” He then explains he’s tried it before and it didn’t work. It was a group of 20 individuals and the last one to die was a kid younger than Leech. Still, when Storm initially asked he said “Maybe” to it working and Wolverine explains it did work once and the large group was the second time he attempted the feat. He doesn’t know why it worked once, but not again, and seems reluctant to try it here.
It turns out, Wolverine isn’t racist, he just doesn’t want to see another kid die!
Storm doesn’t really care and asks Ape if he acquired a transfusion kit from the ambulance. He just looks at her in confusion and she tells him to never mind. She finds what she’s looking for amongst the supplies and informs the others that she’ll contact the mansion to have Rogue fly Beast to them. As she does she hands the transfusion kit to Wolverine and tells him he knows what he must do. He angrily responds “You don’t know what you’re asking,” and she snaps back, “I am asking you to show the courage needed to save a child’s life!” “He wouldn’t be dyin’ if you looked after these people!” Woo! There’s some dramatic stuff right here! Wolverine’s words appear to cut Storm deep which calms her down.
The moment Ape has waited his whole life for!
Storm concedes Wolverine’s point, but then calmly tells him that even if the odds are one in a thousand, he needs to try. She tops it off with a “Ask yourself, if he were your child, would you refuse?” Wolverine just looks at the kit in his hands and the scene cuts back to Storm’s face, but it’s clearly just a single cel that they’re holding on and it looks pretty goofy. I wonder if the episode came in short and they had to find cheap ways to extend it? It cuts back to Wolverine who just silently shakes his head indicating that he wouldn’t refuse if the situation was different. Storm just says, “Good,” then tells Ape that Wolverine needs a flat surface beside Leech to lie on. You would think this is a command to get a table or something, but no. Ape walks over and turns himself into a table for Wolverine to lie one! Were they planning to eat Christmas dinner off of the guy too?
All right, I need to know more about larva guy over here. Does he do anything or does he just look like that worm that creates Slurm?
Over by the wall, the little Morlock girl asks Jubilee if Leech will be okay? Jubilee responds with a question of her own and in the process we find out the little girl’s name is Marianna (her voice is uncredited, but it’s presumably from the main cast). She asks her if she believes in miracles, but Marianna has no idea what a miracle is. Jubilee tries to sniff back some tears and holds the girl close telling her “Maybe in a little while, we’ll see.”
Good thing Cyclops is here to use his powers to make sure the stalk of celery Jean threw at Gambit didn’t connect. This is the most danger anyone on the X-Men is put into during this episode. Well, Storm and Jubilee are probably in danger of catching something walking around in a sewer.
At the snowy mansion, Jean and Gambit continue their kitchen feud. Gambit apparently did something to the ham and Jean is not happy. She demands Gambit’s removal from her kitchen and in the process refers to him as a swamp rat. Cyclops thinks they’re both acting like children, but before things can get any worse, Professor X enters to inform them of the emergency in the Morlock tunnels. Lucky for him, Rogue already ditched the holiday attire and is in her normal X-Men uniform and ready for action.
This is basically Charlie Brown’s tree, only it’s one that doesn’t magically become full and beautiful once decorated.
Back in the sewers, the transfusion has begun and the rest can only look on while Wolverine urges Leech to pull through. Marianna is still rather cheerful and asks Jubilee if Leech is better yet. She wants to show Jubilee their Christmas tree and takes her over to the pathetic, little, tree which is using a tin can as a tree stand. She’s proud of it though since Leech found it and Jubilee calls it the most beautiful tree she’s ever seen. Marianna then takes Jubilee to their Christmas feast and wants Jubilee to partake. It’s some kind of stew and probably smells awful. Marianna assures Jubilee she can have some of hers as she really wants Jubilee to share the experience. Storm them enters and Jubilee asks about Leech, but it’s too soon to tell. She then asks Storm how the Morlocks can go on having so little and she gets a little dose of Christmas wisdom. Storm tells her they have each other and that’s all they need to feel loved. She tops it off with another one, “As long as you are part of a caring family, every day is Christmas!”
Beast, I don’t think you’re using that properly.
Over by Leech, Callisto is growing impatient and Wolverine has had enough. He angrily rises from his “table” and rips the IV out of his arm defiantly shouting “I told you it wouldn’t work!” Storm tries to calm him down, but before she can Rogue and Beast arrive. Wolverine tells Beast he’s got to work fast and the blue one heads for the patient. For some reason, Leech is now fully clothed and not under a blanket and apparently the animation budget wasn’t high enough to have Beast check the kid’s vitals in a logical manner so he just starts running a stethoscope over the kid’s jacket. As he does so, he explains that Wolverine’s powers are not something that modern, medical, science understands and he doesn’t know what the end result will be.
This kid probably just thinks Jubilee cries all the time at this point.
As Callisto uselessly demands that Beast “Do something,” he continues to examine the child while Wolverine can’t bare to watch. Leech’s eyes soon flutter though, and we get a shot from his point of view as he focuses on Beast. He lets out a cry of surprise which causes Beast to laugh as he notes he doesn’t have the most reassuring of faces. This whole time, Leech has been depicted with yellow eyes and I have to assume it was an error since we see he has eyelids for his waking up shot. Or, it’s not an error and they just decided to give him eyelids for that one shot to make it more obvious that he was waking up. Jubilee is sobbing with Marianna in her arms and tells the girl that Leech is okay and she just matter-of-factly responds with “Of course he is!”
Leech is all better and seemingly over his fear of Beast. Hooray!
Storm then demands Callisto hand over the ceremonial scepter of power. She’s reluctant to, but Storm asserts her authority as leader of the Morlocks and offers no explanation. She then forces the woman to kneel before her, which she probably enjoys humiliating her one last time before announcing she’s transferring her title as leader back to Callisto. Callisto says nothing but rises and takes the scepter. Wolverine then strolls over to break the ice and asks what a guy’s gotta do to get some orange juice and a cookie around here? Leech (John Stocker), who is seated in the large arm of Beast, then announces he’s hungry too which produces a laugh out of Beast who then prescribes food for the patient. Wolverine then thanks Leech “for making it,” while Storm offers her apologies to Wolverine for not treating him with the same compassion he showed Leech, adding that she should have known better than to question his heart.
She’s just handing over a few gifts, Storm, let’s not turn this into something bigger than it really is.
Callisto announces that all X-Men are welcomed to join them for Christmas dinner, though adding they don’t have much to offer. Jubilee then announces that most of the presents she’s been dragging along contain food and offers those. Storm double-checks that she’s all right with doing so since it meant a lot to her to give these gifts out back at the mansion, but she’s totally cool with it because she learned her important, Christmas, lesson. She then encourages the kids, Leech and Marianna, to help her open them.
All right, I have some questions. Number one, which member of the X-Men was in-line to get a toy plane for Christmas?!
Jubilee then gets the customary “You have done something noble,” from Storm acknowledging her Christmas lesson, even though her act of nobility is just giving stuff away. She lives in a freakin’ mansion, for crying out loud. She gives Wolverine a hug as she says “I learned from the best,” and he gives her a reassuring pat on the back and a “You’re a good kid.” Beast then summarizes the events of today by reminding us this wasn’t the Christmas Jubilee had envisioned, but it will be a memorable one. Rogue gets to have a little chuckle here adding “So will a couple of cooks I know.”
Jean is enjoying this. I’m surprised they can’t still eat some of the dinner since there’s still 4 of them there, but Jean probably refuses and I’m guessing Cyclops is in the doghouse if he partakes in Gambit’s meal. Xavier is wise to stay out of it as well.
We cut back to the mansion where Jean has seemingly ceded control of the kitchen to Gambit who has prepared what he feels is a flawless Christmas dinner. Word comes down that the others are having Christmas dinner with the Morlocks, and Gambit does not take the news well that the whole crew won’t be getting together for Christmas dinner. Jean gets to suggest that they can heat it up tomorrow which just irritates the cook further. Gambit retorts in the third person with “Gambit does not make TV dinners!”
Oh no! He’s melting!
By the fire, we see Xavier taking a phone call from Jubilee who is concerned that he’d feel hurt that they’re not spending Christmas together. Xavier assures her that’s not the case, and while their presence will be missed, he’s proud of their actions today. He even refers to her action as a “generous sacrifice,” which seems to be quite the exaggeration here! He tacks on a whole thing about how she’s giving him the best gift of all by acting like a true X-Man in recognizing that she is where she’s needed most. We pan outside the mansion to the giant tree out front where the camera holds and the message “Merry Christmas from all the X-Men” appears to announce that this one is over.
Wolverine wished me a merry Christmas, you guys!
In the intro, I mentioned how out of place it felt for a show like X-Men to do a Christmas special. Now that it’s over, I don’t feel any different, but I do have to commend the show for just going for it. It’s a very dramatic show with a lot of heavy-handed line readings and this episode is no different. Except that this one gets to play with the overly dramatic Christmas special motif we’ve seen in other shows. It almost feels like an episode of Full House as a result, only with mutants, and it takes place mostly in a sewer. It has all of the usual holiday staples though in that we have a character excited for Christmas and the pageantry that accompanies it. Jubilee isn’t portrayed as a selfish child, but she is consumed by the act of Christmas and not its message, but it comes from a healthy place as she reminds us more than once she’s never really had a traditional, Christmas, experience. And she’s forced to adjust on the fly to her first Christmas with a family changing its setting, and even some of its participants.
Wolverine’s heart grew three sizes that day…
We also get the tried and true “some kid is sick at Christmas and needs a Christmas miracle to survive” via the Leech plot. Wolverine, who naturally functions as a Christmas antagonist of sorts, is brought into the story that way and it makes sense that the show would want to involve its most popular character in the plot. It finds a role for him, and we get the added drama of Wolverine being sort of racist against the Morlocks, but forced to save one. That angle isn’t really played up though. Wolverine just assumes the worst of the group, and he’s not entirely unjustified in doing so based on their prior interactions, and also gets in some cheap insults before they come upon Leech. It’s enough for Storm to assume the worst though and adds to the drama. Her and Wolverine’s argument is definitely the height of the special as far as the drama is concerned and the line readings from Sealy-Smith and Dodd are very much over-the-top, but in an earnest way.
Fans of the show probably weren’t asking to spend Christmas with the Morlocks, but the fact that they’re a poor family does lend itself well to a Christmas story.
And then, of course, we get the comedic B plot at the mansion involving Jean and Gambit. I feel like we actually could have used one more scene between the two as clearly Jean just gave up on preparing her idea of Christmas dinner at some point to let Gambit go full steam ahead with his oyster loaf and other foods. It’s fine and we actually get to see a different side of Jean in these scenes, who is normally rather buttoned-up and, frankly, boring. It also allows the whole team to get some presence in this one which is probably an important thing since Christmas is traditionally about family and it’s not like the show was planning on ever doing another Christmas episode.
At least we get to see how the X-Men decorate for Christmas. And they certainly go big.
As an episode of X-Men, this one is a bit of a failure. It’s plot feels out of place and the corny Christmas lines stand out far too much. It also doesn’t get to redeem itself with any special production values. The Christmas décor looks fine, and some of the characters are in outfits we’re not accustomed to seeing, but that’s about it. As a Christmas special though, it’s not that bad. Admittedly, there’s a ton of terrible Christmas specials out there so the bar isn’t exactly high. The messaging in this one is fairly simple and it really doesn’t beat you over the head with it since it’s largely contained to the show’s final minute. Xavier lays it on a bit thick right before the credits roll, but that’s hardly unusual for a Christmas special. It gets bonus points for having actual stakes, and while Leech is basically afflicted with “plot sickness,” the miraculous capabilities of Wolverine’s healing powers mean he could have legitimately been sick with something awful and Wolverine’s powers are just that good. There’s no Santa or anything like that, but it does have a human mutant story at its heart so that helps give it a solid foundation. Plus, it features the X-Men and you don’t get that too often in a Christmas story.
“Have Yourself a Morlock Little Christmas” gets a tepid recommendation from me. I suppose you have to be a fan of X-Men to get the most out of it, but at the same time, hardcore fans are possibly more likely to have a strong negative reaction to this one since it feels a bit silly to see the characters in this setting. This one is basically searching for the overlap on the Venn diagram of X-Men fans and fans of corny Christmas fair. At the end of the day, it’s only 23 minutes so you’re not sacrificing much to give it a look. And it’s fairly easy to find since the whole show is streaming on Disney+. It’s also available on DVD if physical media is still your thing. At worst, maybe you’ll be inspired to try some new dishes at your own Christmas dinner?
Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:
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“I know more of this world than you could even dream, that is why I must…destroy it!”
It is Halloween and that means it’s time for costumes, candy, and spooky fun. It’s also Halloween 2022, a pretty important date if you grew up loving those mutants who ran around in colorful spandex fighting for a better tomorrow. That’s because 30 years ago on this very night, the animated series X-Men premiered on the Fox network. The decision to debut a cartoon in prime time with characters still on the periphery of mainstream appeal was both a bold choice and one brought about by necessity. Fox had done the same recently with Batman – The Animated Series, but that hardly feels like a gamble considering that was coming hot on the heels of Batman Returns. You see, the show should have premiered in September on Saturday mornings, but the project was fraught with delays and the early animation sent back from studio AKOM was said to be a disaster. And since the show wasn’t going to be able to premiere as planned, the producers involved decided to focus on the first two episodes to get them ready for a Halloween premiere with the rest of the season to follow in early 1993. Marketing dubbed it a sneak peek, and it must have worked because before long the show was a ratings hit and the rest is history.
Given that it’s such an important day for an elder X-Men fan like myself, it only felt appropriate to forego something spooky this Halloween in favor of something celebrating that show. Now, I originally intended to debut my review of Hasbro’s Morph, but I received that figure in late September and I was just too eager to talk about Morph. The timing just didn’t make sense, so we’re pivoting to something else. Had Mystique, the next planned figure in Hasbro’s dedicated X-Men animated line, arrived this month she would have been featured here. And she even embodies a bit of that Halloween look with her blank eyes and affection for skulls. Instead though, I think we have the next best thing with one of the major villains from the show: Apocalypse.
This card is stupid big.
Hasbro’s retro card series of Marvel Legends has caused some confusion in the collector community, and I’m afraid this Apocalypse only adds to that. It started a few years ago as an homage to the classic ToyBiz line of figures from the 90s. Hasbro created updated blister cards based on those styles and packaged Legends in them. They had to be slightly oversized to accommodate the larger Legends figures compared to the classic ToyBiz ones, but who in the collector community doesn’t love a good dose of nostalgia? They’re definitely neat, and since the designs of the figures are largely based on their 90s appearances they hit pretty hard when it comes to nostalgia. It was successful enough that Hasbro then did the same with Spider-Man. Unlike the old X-Men line, the Spider-Man line from ToyBiz was a direct tie-in to the animated series that premiered on Fox (in sneak peek fashion as well since it worked so well with X-Men) in 1994. As a result, collectors weren’t sure if these new Spider-Man retro card releases were based on the animated series as well. I’ve seen many collectors refer to the Hobgoblin, especially, from that line as being animated inspired, but that doesn’t appear to be the case. The only one released that is definitely based on the cartoon is the PulseCon exclusive Venom from last year (which is being followed-up with an animated Spider-Man this fall).
The actual figure though? Not really that big. I would have actually liked a little more height out of this guy.
Now adding to any confusion that still exists out there is this Apocalypse figure. Apocalypse had multiple releases in the ToyBiz days so a retro card release makes sense. However, this particular figure features a purple and blue deco. That is significant because that’s the color scheme Apocalypse had in the animated series. No where else has Apocalypse ever looked like this. And to drive the point home further, he comes with an interchangeable gun attachment for his arm that is pulled right from an episode of the show which has left many to ask “So why is this not a release in the VHS line?” And the answer is, “I don’t know.” I don’t think any of the marketing team for Legends has explained that one. My guess is that someone on the team really wanted to do this character in this look, but the budget for the VHS line couldn’t accommodate it so they did it this way. It’s bizarre, because this figure does not feature the cel-shading paint job of the VHS line so it’s not just a difference in packaging. This figure is also based on the build-a-figure Apocalypse released a few years ago, so disassembling it to fit in a VHS box would not have been problem. Plus, as illustrated with Mr. Sinister’s VHS box, Hasbro is willing to adjust the sizing when necessary on those boxes so there’s really nothing stopping Hasbro from releasing the figure in that line from a design standpoint. I know the cel-shading is a bit of a contentious topic in the community, but this figure is so cartoon specific that I can’t imagine there was a ton of demand from collectors not interested in the animated series. This version of Apocalypse has always been viewed as a little “goofy” because of those colors so comic collectors are most certainly not the target audience, but here we are.
This is unquestionably supposed to be Apocalypse from the cartoon, you can’t fool me Hasbro!
Because of the colors on this guy, I definitely consider him to be part of the animated series line of action figures. It’s bizarre, and if it’s simply a matter of budget then I don’t know why they didn’t just hit this guy with more paint so he would fit in, but here we are. That said, I’m happy to have Apocalypse in this deco as it’s been perhaps the figure I’ve wanted most to come out of the animated line next to Morph. This funky color palette just hits right for me. Like most kids in the early 90s, I was confused why Apocalypse looked like he was painted for Easter in the show and would have preferred him in black and blue, but over time this look has just become a hallmark of the series for me and I appreciate it more as a result. Plus, Apocalypse is so bad ass that he can look like this and still be feared!
The figure does come on the aforementioned blister card and it is pretty massive. It’s almost comical to look at how big this thing is relative to other retro card releases and even more ludicrous compared to the 90s cards. It features some nice artwork, though not in the animated style aside from the suit colors, and definitely has that old school ToyBiz feel. Many like to keep these releases mint-on-card, but I am not one of them. If you want to preserve the card as much as possible, I recommend slicing the bubble from the bottom with a blade which will allow you to slide this big boy out. And once removed, he is indeed rather big standing at around 8.25″.
Even this gun attachment is taken right from the show.
In looking at this figure, what immediately stands out as “animated” aside from the colors is the sculpt of the chest. I mentioned earlier that this figure is based on the build-a-figure from a few years ago, but it’s been re-tooled in several places and the upper torso is one such place. The musculature has a very soft look to it which is in-line with the show. There’s basically just a hint of pectorals and nothing more. The other details of the costume, such as the shoulders and the collar area, look as they should. The only parts not exactly screen accurate are the boots and the gloves. The boots are just all-together busier in their design, something an animated show would strive to eliminate. The hands are similar, but they’re also just not sculpted right as he should have a blue knuckleguard on each hand. Lastly, the cables that connect his arms to his back should plug-in around the elbow and not the forearm. Obviously, these inaccuracies exist because Hasbro is reusing old parts and I would say it’s mostly fine. While I would love to buy action figures that are committed to matching the source material to a more exact specification, I know that’s not Hasbro’s approach. They do things mostly with cost in mind and basically think giving us a new torso is good enough. The issue now is that approach was more acceptable when these figures were a lot cheaper. It’s something that will bother some folks, and for others it won’t. In my experience Hasbro has done a good job of conditioning its fanbase to accept these figures for what they are so my expectation is most will be unbothered.
In typical Hasbro fashion, they give you some of what you want, but not everything. This gun has four barrels, but you get just 3 blast effects.
As a last bit of aesthetics, we should talk about the paint job. Apocalypse is quite purple and quite blue, as he should be. Hasbro prioritizes using as much colored plastic as possible with their figures and this one is no exception. The paint is mostly limited to the head, upper torso and the gauntlets. The head is where the most paint was needed and it’s done well enough. We’ll talk about the appropriateness of the expressions when we get to the accessories, but there’s enough paint to bring out the sculpted details of the face with minimal slop. He’s not the easiest face to paint as the lips basically wrap around the whole head and he has that gap in the blue on top of the head, so Hasbro did a very nice job here. What is unfortunate though is his head is in two pieces glued together and there’s a blue seem as a result between his forehead and the portion of his flesh that runs up his head and it looks stupid. Otherwise, the paint details are fairly simple and done well enough. The chest even has this really nice, matte, finish which looks great, but also makes the shiny, plastic, portions look worse by comparison. Where they had to match colored plastic to painted, the figure also looks fine.
The source material for the gun is clearly the show, though it was simplified a bit for this release.
The elephant in the room when it comes to paint is obviously the exclusion of cel-shading. This is a retro card release, so cel-shading isn’t normally expected, but he’s also animated Apocalypse and the other X-Men animated figures all have it. Personally, I would like characters based on a cartoon to feature a paint job that reflects that medium. On the other hand, I concede that the cel-shading in the VHS line has been applied poorly. Part of me would like to give Hasbro some credit here in thinking that with a bigger figure to work with, the cel-shading would turn out better, but there’s no guarantee of that. They seem to struggle just finding the right colors to use when shading (see the hideous mustard color they use to shade yellow). Ultimately, it is what it is. I would love some shading on the torso, especially, but it’s not here. Maybe that’s a good thing? I don’t know, but that’s just my opinion. I don’t think he clashes in a significant manner amongst the other figures in the VHS line so I guess it doesn’t matter that much. As was the case with the accuracy of the sculpt, the absence of shading is going to matter more to some, and not at all to others.
Would it have been hard to just give us one more teeny, tiny, piece to stich in that bottom barrel? Though the proper thing to do would have been to sculpt a new, double-barrel, blast effect that plugs into both at the same time.
Moving on to accessories, Apocalypse is pretty much par for the course when it comes to Legends these days. He doesn’t have a lot, but at least here what he does have is done well. First of all, he has two sets of hands: fists and open, “clenchy,” hands. That’s fine as it allows him to look menacing, dramatic, and you can even get those clenchy hands to grab onto another figure. He also has two heads: an angry one and a stoic one. The angry one is reused, and the stoic is new. As a comic inspired sculpt, I think the angry head is fine. As an animated Apocalypse? It’s terrible. He basically never looked like this in the show so I probably won’t be using it. The stoic head is more my thing. It’s still done in the Legends style so it’s not a toon-accurate look for the character, but that’s been true of almost every release in the VHS line as well save for Wolverine. I refer to it as stoic, but he is frowning and looks kind of ticked off. I do wish the shape of both was different as Apocalypse tends to have a wide jaw compared with the top of his head, in both the comics and the show, but these heads are pretty uniform. If it were up to me, I’d have gone with this head, but with less detail to remove the frown and paired it with a laughing head. Imagine a laughing Apocalypse on your shelf with his fists on his hips or his arms crossed? Perfection. Lastly, we have the optional gun part. It attaches to the forearm and the cable can even plug into it. It is taken directly from the “Beyond Good and Evil” plotline when Cable confronts Apocalypse at the start so it is pulled right out of the show. It looks nice and Hasbro even included some blast effects for it which I would not have expected. It’s nice to have as it allows you to display Apocalypse as a menacing overlord on your shelf, or as someone willing to get his hands dirty which was rather true of the character in the show. They could have loaded him up with more arm attachments, but this feels like a fine selection of stuff for Apocalypse. It just would have been nice to get a new effect part for the main part of the gun that plugs into both of the center barrels. Since they instead gave us three separate pieces, one barrel will always be empty.
The gripping hands are wide enough that you can make your Apocalypse perform chokeslams on Wolverine.
Time to talk about the articulation. Despite being a big boy, Apocalypse moves okay and is pretty standard for the line. We have the ball-hinged head that lets him look up and down, all around, and even tilt the head a smidge. The collar doesn’t really get in the way until you try to rotate the head, but the range is decent. The shoulders are just ball-hinged and he can raise his arms out the side and rotate them pretty well even with the shoulder pads getting in the way slightly. The elbows are single-jointed and he can’t quite hit a 90 degree bend, so that could be better. The wrists rotate and hinge horizontally. In the torso, we get an ab crunch that lets him bend back a bit, and crunch forward a decent amount. It’s mostly colored plastic here so paint rub shouldn’t be of great concern, but it’s worth being mindful of. The waist is just a twist and the legs are ball-pegs. He can damn near do a full split and is capable of kicking forward just fine, though the cheeks will prevent much rear leg motion. There is a thigh cut which does what thigh cuts do and the knees are double-jointed. There’s no boot cut, but down in the ankles you have the usual hinge and rocker combination which works just fine. More importantly, everything is nice and tight so he shouldn’t be toppling over on your shelf. Apocalypse really only needs to hit a few poses and this figure is capable of doing that.
He is here to crush the mutants, and seems capable enough.
All in all, I am quite pleased with this release for Apocalypse. Yes, I would have preferred this come in the VHS line for both the packaging and the cel-shading, but since it didn’t, at least we got a fairly robust release as far as accessories go. I’ve been pretty disappointed with the majority of the VHS line because of the poorly applied cel-shading, inappropriate reuse of some sculpts, and the dearth of worthwhile accessories. It’s really been a money-grab kind of line and at least this Apocalypse feels more substantial and like a better value. They actually did some re-sculpting to make the figure more cartoon accurate, and while they didn’t go as far as they could with that, I think most will find they went far enough. My preference would have always been to receive figures with sculpts actually designed to mimic the animated look, but Hasbro was never committed to doing that for one reason or another. This figure does suffer a bit as a result because the head isn’t right and the veiny biceps look stupid on Apocalypse (and they would look stupid on any version of Apocalypse so I don’t get the thinking here). The rest of its shortcomings are just par for the course with Marvel Legends, like the dearth of paint apps (the cables look especially plain), so regular Legends collectors will likely be content. Unless someone else can get the license to produce animated X-Men figures (highly unlikely), this is unfortunately the best we’re likely to get. And at least with Apocalypse, this one does indeed feel good enough. Most of the VHS figures are not and the feeling of settling is palpable with each one, but here I don’t feel that way. At least not as much.
Apocalypse does come at an inflated price though of $40 which is obviously a lot for a Marvel Legends release. This one at least feels more worthy of that price compared with the VHS figures at around 28 bucks. A comparable figure would probably be NECA’s Chrome Dome from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles line which was also $40. I would argue that the NECA release is a better value than this as it came with more stuff, more paint, and was 100% new tooling, but it also came out a year ago so maybe in 2022 it would be $45. Value, as always, is rather subjective, but in this case I think the value is there. If you’re interested in picking this one up, you may have to dig around a bit as it is sold out in several places. Hasbro Pulse still has it open for order so that may be the safest bet. Amazon does as well, but they can be hard to trust. Re-stocks may be on the way too so I don’t think it’s one you’ll have to spend a fortune on eBay for, but I also would recommend acting fast since I don’t think this one is ticketed for big box stores which would indicate there will be fewer of these out in the wild than the Age of Apocalypse version, by comparison. More importantly, if you can find some time today (admittedly, difficult given the holiday) or maybe even just this week throw on some classic X-Men and take a trip through time. It’s incredible to think I was watching the show as a kid 30 years ago, and while it may not hit the same as it did for me then, it’s still a worthwhile nostalgia binge and a show I think is worth celebrating. Or if you want to read more about it, I’ve covered both Previously on X-Men and the X-Men art book and recommend both to fans of the show. Here’s hoping the sequel series due next year is able to carry on its legacy.
It was almost two years to the day where I made an entry here expressing a wish for Hasbro to tackle the X-Men. And not just any X-Men, the now classic animated series from 1992. That was probably my greatest obsession as a kid. I loved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but I grew out of it after 3 or 4 years. X-Men filled that void and my obsession lasted longer. I collected the toys from Toy Biz and it was the first time I displayed my toys like collectibles instead of just dumping them in a large bin when I was done playing. I still played with them too, but when I was done I had makeshift shelves to pose them on. It was a large shelf that went three or four rows deep and eventually I had to add another. I was able to separate heroes and villains, though with how quickly things can change in the comics, sometimes I had to move guys back and forth. I don’t think I stopped collecting though until I was in high school in the very late 90s. By then, the X-Men line was nearing its end anyway and Toy Biz was pivoting to more collector-focused lines for their legacy properties while the kid-friendly stuff was focused on new shows like X-Men Evolution and the movies.
There weren’t a lot of toon-specific figures back in the 90s, but Morph was definitely one of them.
Like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles though, the thing with the old X-Men toyline is that it wasn’t really an animated focused line. It started as a comic book line with the inaugural first wave reflecting the 80s costumes and lineup for the team. It was only once the show became a hit that the toyline started to mimic it to a point. One of the first instances of that I can recall is the wave one Storm, who was released in a black costume, getting repainted silver with two ring-capes added on to kind of match her show appearance. Toy Biz would also repackage some of the previously released figures with new card backs advertising them as from the show, but the figures were basically the same comic book inspired releases we already had. Wolverine, for instance, still had his giant buckle on his belt instead of an X logo. Storm did get repainted yet again though, this time white and with a more elaborate cape. The most well-remembered instance of the line matching the show was in the Morph figure. Morph was famously created for the show, though he was modeled after the character Changeling from the comic, and killed off in the second episode. Kids loved him though, so Toy Biz made a figure with swappable heads to mimic his shape-shifting powers. He didn’t look much like the cartoon character aside from the general costume, but it was still one of my favorite figures because it was freakin’ Morph! Toy Biz would also do a Phoenix Saga wave of figures clearly inspired by the cartoon, and other figures here and there appeared to match some show designs, but for all intents and purposes the toys from Toy Biz were comics first and the show a distant second.
2022 will mark the show’s 30th anniversary, and as I hypothesized two years ago, Hasbro is finally going to do proper action figures based on the show. This past week saw Hasbro host its own virtual convention, Pulsecon, and the guests of honor for the final panel on Saturday were Eric and Julia Lewald, authors of the wonderful X-Men: The Art and Making of the Animated Series. Eric was the showrunner for X-Men and his wife Julia a veteran TV writer who contributed some scripts as well and the mere fact that they were announced as guests had my juices flowing all last week. Surely, they were there to pitch their book, but also to reveal something. What we didn’t know is what that something would be. It would likely tie into the animated series, but did we dare hope it would be an actual line of Marvel Legends based on the show? Maybe it would just be more retro card-back releases, which is what Hasbro has been doing for the Spider-Man cartoon lately. There’s also the new retro, five points of articulation, line. I was both optimistic and guarded, but I’m happy to report my dream has come true!
This is glorious!
Hasbro had the Lewalds show off two figures for the new X-Men animated series line of toys: Wolverine and Jubilee. The figures will come in an oversized VHS styled box with new artwork and product shots. They’re meant to be displayed as one would those old VHS releases and they look positively striking. I don’t know if Hasbro got the idea from NECA’s TMNT releases, or if it was an organic thing, but either way it looks fantastic. Not to be outshined though, are the figures themselves. They are indeed Marvel Legends-styled releases and I’m sure there will be a lot of parts reuse between these figures and previously released editions. Wolverine could very well be the same Wolverine body that’s been released before, though it looks like he has new heads to better reflect the show art design. What stands out most though is the paint application which has that cel-shaded look to better match-up with the show. He’ll come with the now standard swappable hands, one with claws out and one claws retracted, but he also gets to bring along the photo of Scott and Jean (just like the upcoming Mondo release) so fans can reenact the most memed scene of the show. Jubilee, for her part, appears to mostly be the same release as before too only I don’t think she’s getting a new head. She’s less impressive as a result since she’s lacking her show-specific earrings on one head, but she does have yellow gloves now. Like Wolverine, she’ll have two portraits and she also has some effects pieces. I do wish they worked in a show specific accessory for her as well (maybe some chili fries? A Genosha collar?) to up the fun factor. One show specific accessory per figure would be a nice goal for Hasbro to have.
Only thing missing is a turkey leg.
These two figures are definitely promising and they’re pretty much exactly what I hoped for, even though they weren’t announced as one big wave as I had previously hoped for. There are a few things to nitpick based on the few shots we were given. Wolverine’s hands appear to lack the claw channels on his non-claw hands which isn’t show accurate, and Jubilee’s head just doesn’t look very “toon” to me. I’m hoping Wolverine is more indicative of where the line is going as opposed to Jubilee, but only time will tell. Otherwise, I like this direction and that parts reuse doesn’t bother me. Now if they try to re-release Sabretooth and pass him off as animated that will be worth criticizing because the Sabretooth on television was pretty different from the comics. He was just huge and honestly a little weird looking, but not in a bad way. Hasbro is a company more focused on price and keeping the price low. These figures already run high by their standards as they’re currently available for preorder at $27 a piece. Wolverine is slated for a May release with Jubilee following in June. Not shown, but announced, are figures for both Storm and Jean, two characters who should be easily adapted from recent releases with some paint modifications. No release date was announced for them, but maybe July and August? A monthly schedule would be fine with me and maybe we’ll learn more in early 2022. Or maybe Hasbro is saving something for Halloween, the 29th anniversary of the show’s premiere, to give us a peek at either Storm or Jean.
Less impressive than Wolverine is Jubilee, but there’s still time for things to change.
What is great is the goal of Hasbro’s to make this a full line. It’s going to be a slow release compared to some of the others, but I can be patient. I’ve waited nearly 30 years for this, I can wait longer. I know some fans were disappointed in the character selection. Wolverine is a given, but he’s also a character that’s been made and released over and over while Jubilee is…Jubilee. A lot of fans were hoping for Morph as he’s become synonymous with the show and is a character that collectors have wanted for years now. I feel very confident that Morph is coming, so I’m not sweating his exclusion for now. He’s the character Hasbro has to hit a homerun with, and hopefully they do. He seems like the most obvious candidate if they want to time a figure with the 30th anniversary on Halloween of 2022. Will they time the reveal or the release with that date is the big question. This is a good time to be an X-Men fan though, and I’m already brainstorming ways to display this line. It’s going to be a long wait until May, but it’s going to be worth it!
Preorders for Wolverine and Jubilee are currently available on Hasbro Pulse (no premium membership required) with an expected release on Disney’s shopdisney website at some point. These are not planned for mass market retail so get your orders in if you want them.
UPDATE: Just a few days after the big reveal, Hasbro went and revealed a third figure in the wave. And despite having already soft announced Storm and Jean, the third figure shown off is none other than Mr. Sinister! He’s available for pre-order on Pulse and currently has the same release date as Jubilee. He is almost a straight repaint of a previously released Mr. Sinister (they may have had to swap out the neck, or it’s just now painted white instead of blue) and will come in an oversized box. Needless to say, it’s a good sign that Hasbro is willing to do villains alongside the X-Men!
A few years ago, I talked about my love of X-Men, the animated series, via a book review of Previously…on X-Men by Eric Lewald. That book chronicled the development of the 92 animated series that helped propel the Fox Kids Network to the top of the Saturday morning leaderboards through notes from the author and extensive interviews with the folks that helped bring that series to life. Now, Lewald is back with his wife Julia with a complementary piece all about the artists and artwork that went into creating that series, X-Men: The Art and Making of the Animated Series.
There are probably a few individuals out there who first wrinkled their nose at the thought of an art book based on the animated series starring the X-Men. That’s because the show was somewhat famously underserved by Saban Entertainment who had little interest in sinking much money into the art and animation that went into the show. It’s not that the show was abysmal to look at, it’s more that it was always going to be compared with Batman: The Animated Series. Both shows launched in 92 on Fox, though X-Men only in a sneak preview with the proper launch coming in January of 1993. Batman was on weekday afternoons, while X-Men was allowed to reign over Saturday morning. The other big difference though was Batman had the might of Warner Bros behind it which produced the series and just licensed it out to Fox. X-Men had the backing of Marvel, which wasn’t what it is today. Marvel was a bit touch and go for many years even when it was starting to take over the news stand with a lot of help from the mutants who starred in this series. Rather than self-finance though, Marvel licensed it out to Saban who partnered with Graz Entertainment. The budget was never going to be the same, nor was the confidence. X-Men was unproven outside of the comic book world, and thus received just a one season order initially, followed by a second, before eventually the big order came in.
X-Men on the front, bad guys on the rear. What does it say about me that I think I prefer this to the cover?
Despite all of that, and a legend who had no idea how the property should be presented (::cough:: Stan ::cough::), the show was a smashing success. It’s interesting to look back on because I think many consider Batman to be the superior show. And yet, X-Men was the ratings champ and my favorite of the two. And when it came to my friends, most liked Batman, all loved X-Men. I don’t know why that is, though I have some theories. Batman was a known property and the show reflected the Tim Burton films. Whenever something goes from the big screen to the small one (especially in the 90s), there’s a feeling that the TV version is inferior. The X-Men may have lacked the recognition of Batman, but it also lacked any sort of baggage. Batman was also quite great at being a moody, superhero, show with a lot of style. It was also mostly rooted in that, where as X-Men was an ensemble with more characters to lean on. Batman was almost devoid of personality as a character by choice, while basically every member of the X-Men (well, maybe not Cyclops) was rather colorful able to display a wide range of emotion and even drop a one-liner or two. Or maybe it was just the prestige of being on Saturday morning? Either way, it was a good time to be alive.
It’s an art book, so expect a lot of artwork!
Both shows were part of a gradual maturation taking place in children’s cartoons. We basically had left the wacky and cheap 80s in favor of something that actually had respect for its audience. Shows like The Pirates of Dark Water and my beloved Bucky O’Hare and the Toad Wars were quite different in tone from the likes of Thundercats and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Most of those shows still featured a character that could be turned to for comedic relief, and even Batman has the Joker. X-Men didn’t really feature that though. Morph could have been that character, but he was killed off rather quickly. It’s a drama starring people in bright spandex that captivated me as a kid. The serialized nature and some of the nuance of the show asked something of me, and I was willing to rise to the program as a mere 7 year-old. It’s no surprise to me that when I look back on my youth, X-Men is there and always will be as it was far and away my favorite program.
Perhaps the most rewarding aspect of the book is getting to read the descriptions that go along with each storyboard panel.
And despite what you may think, a lot of really talented and devoted artists contributed to this show. Knock the animation all you want, but I’ve always been rather insistent that the show looks pretty great in stills. Sure, pick through it and you’ll find some weird stuff or miss-colored limbs and costumes, that’s true of a lot of shows from that era. Where this book is able to shine is with the stuff not broadcast. All of the developmental art that went into the show; costume ideas, height charts, storyboards, are quite rewarding to look at. When Lewald and his team were handed this property, there were decades of material to cherry-pick for the show and a lot of ideas were cast aside. There’s also plenty of production art, like cels and such, that are quite interesting to look at. Especially some of the backgrounds, like the lair of Mr. Sinister, which featured several layers of artwork to make it right.
And it’s not just art! The books is broken out into six chapters, plus an intro and an afterword, with each containing a detailed breakdown of what went into each section. Some of this stuff is lifted from the prior book, so it will be a bit familiar for those who read it, and some of the details are new. Since this book is focused on the art of the series, you’ll hear additional nuggets about what went into a character’s look or a particular background. There’s a lot of ink spent on the various cameos that occurred throughout the series and some of the other details may surprise and amaze. One such nugget came from Director and Storyboard Artist/Supervisor Larry Houston who pointed out how difficult it was to animate a character like Mr. Sinister. His irregular cape basically forced Houston to storyboard the character with as little motion as possible. Basically, the camera was either directly in front or behind him and he was basically never allowed to rotate. It’s fun to go back and watch the series with such information in hand and it gives some newfound appreciation for all of the work Larry and his team had to do before sending an episode off to Korea for animation.
When the X-Men ruled the world!
There’s a lot to unpack in this book and I don’t want to reveal too much since a lot of the enjoyment I had was uncovering things I either didn’t know or really paid little attention to. There’s also some nice additions to this one like a collection of all of the episode logs and a picture to go along with it. Some time is spent on looking back at the X-Men craze, like the Pizza Hut promotion and the action figure line from ToyBiz, which might make you wish for a third book that covers all of that tie-in merch. The book itself is also quite lovely. It’s hardbound with new cover art from Houston, I think. There’s no explicit “Cover” credit, just a case credit to Houston with ink by Rick Hoberg and colors by Laura Martin. It’s a bit confusing as the inside of the front and back cover are storyboards which were definitely done by Houston, so the credit may be referring to that. Regardless, the cover, featuring the main team including Morph and Bishop, and the rear cover featuring the villains of the series look great. Pages are nice and thick and the whole thing totals 288 pages. Since it’s mostly artwork, it’s not a tremendously long read, but it’s hardly brief. I mostly read it while sipping a morning or afternoon coffee (first starting my read, appropriately enough, on a Saturday morning) over the course of a week. It was a wonderful, leisurely, trip back to the 90s and my youth that not only left me wanting more, but also with a desire to go back and revisit the show once again.
One of my favorite inclusions in the book is the visual episode guide with accompanying logs, a tremendous resource to have on-hand.
X-Men: The Art and Making of the Animated Series is a great companion to Previously…on X-Men. It’s a book intended to satiate fans of the show, but would also probably entertain casual fans as well. I had a great time engaging with the art from the property, and while I already had a pretty terrific appreciation of the art that went into the show, I think those who might not have that same level of appreciation will likely leave with a bit more. Eric and Julia Lewald do a great job of recounting their time with the show and the various artists and executives they speak with bring a lot to the table. It’s my assumption that anyone with a love for this old show will be delighted by this book and it’s something I plan to flip through again.
by Eric Lewald, published by Jacobs Brown Media Group LLC
A lot of cartoons made an impact on me as a child. My first love was The Real Ghostbusters. Its goofy cast of characters and excitement were plenty of fun and there were interesting toys to supplement the series with, which was pretty much the goal of all cartoons in the 80s. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would come along and supplant Ghostbusters for me. For several years I was all about the Turtles, with a flirtation with Bucky O’Hare mixed in, though sadly the funky fresh rabbit never made it past 13 episodes.
In 1992 things changed, in more ways than one. My family had just been uprooted moving from the cozy confines of New Hampshire to what felt like a different world down in Virginia. For the first time ever, I was a fish out of water. As I was gearing up to start 3rd grade in a new state, a new town, a new school, I would be tasked with forming all new friendships either at school or in my new neighborhood. It’s not a task I’ve ever been particularly good at. Shy and a tad awkward, I wasn’t outgoing, nor was I particularly talented in anything so I had few ways of attracting people. As a result, my television was sort of my best friend for a time and thankfully I had a new friend in Batman who had just debuted on week day afternoons on Fox Kids, a network I really only knew of thanks to The Simpsons. Batman was all fine and good, and I consumed every episode as it aired (and have since gone on to write about, if you hadn’t noticed), but it never hooked me like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, even though that was a program I found myself outgrowing. What did resonate with me almost immediately though was the cartoon that premiered not long after Batman, I’m talking about X-Men.
The X-Men were known to me in basic terms before the animated series premiered on Fox. About a year prior to the show debuting Marvel had launched a toyline complete with TV spots, even though there was no companion television series to pair it with. I suppose the toys could have been developed in conjunction with the Pryde of the X-Men pilot that had premiered and failed in 1989. The roster was pretty similar, though then relative newcomer Archangel replaced Dazzler in that initial run of toys. Aside from that though, I don’t think I had ever picked up an X-Men comic book and I may or may not have played the side-scrolling beat-’em-up arcade game that was also based on Pryde of the X-Men. And I didn’t even actually catch the sneak peek preview, which aired on Halloween of 1992. I had seen all of the television spots leading up to it and was very interested in the show, but I had tricks or treats to get and wasn’t good at working a VCR.
The first attempt at bringing the X-Men to television did not go very well.
At school, I would hear about it though. They had cool powers, but people hated them. Why? It seemed like such a foreign concept. One character got arrested and another died! Wow! Perhaps morbidly, I really wanted to see that character death, whom I’d come to know as Morph. Frustratingly, it would be awhile before I finally saw it. Somehow, whenever “Night of the Sentinels: Part 2” was aired on television I would miss it. I wasn’t allowed to stay home alone, since I was only 8, so if my family had plans on Saturday morning I had little say. My mom even enrolled me in CCD, or church school, which convened at 11 on Saturdays, much to my horror. I think I only went to two of those classes before my mom got sick of the revolt each Saturday, finally freeing me to enjoy my new favorite program in relative peace.
In no time I was obsessed, and X-Men was my favorite show for basically as long as it aired. I still have the many toys I amassed during that period in my life, and though I no longer read the comics, I still enjoy revisiting this cartoon. It’s why when I heard that showrunner Eric Lewald was releasing a book all about his experience in making the show and bringing it to television that I had to get a copy. I received a copy last November, and I’m a bit disappointed in myself since it took me this long to finally finish it and get to writing this post, but life is hectic.
Previously on X-Men is an account of how this unlikely hit came to be. When Fox premiered X-Men and Batman it was still a fledgling network. The Tracey Ullman Show and Married… With Children got the network its initial audience, and The Simpsons would then establish it as a viable alternative to the big 3: ABC, CBS, and NBC. It was still struggling during the other parts of the day with programming often ending before 11 PM. Recognizing that there was a place for children’s programming, Fox brought together a web of studios and producers in a mostly haphazard manner that somehow led to network dominance. Shows like Bobby’s World and Attack of the Killer Tomatoes were filling out the kids portion of the programming early on, and while it sounds like they did okay numbers, they weren’t going to raise the network’s profile much. It would fall to the superheroes to do that.
Julia and Eric Lewald
Lewald’s book does a great job in capturing those early days while also contrasting X-Men with its daily counterpart Batman. Batman was a show with tremendous financial muscle behind it in the form of Warner Bros. and DC. It was coming off two successful Tim Burton movies and featured a character recognized around the globe. As a result, it was largely an internal production at Warner and Fox got to enjoy the benefits. And then there was X-Men, the troubled property that seemingly no one believed in. Thanks to so many television failures by Marvel in the past, there was almost zero enthusiasm for a show based on the property. Margaret Loesch, who formerly headed-up television at Marvel and was hired away to run Fox Kids, was one of the few who believed in it. Having failed to get the show going while at Marvel, she knew a producer who she had hired and fired on more than one occasion that could handle the task. That man was Sidney Iwanter, and he produced the show along with many others for Fox Kids. Citing a belief that kids were smarter than network executives gave them credit for, he demanded excellence from the writing staff of X-Men, who were overseen by Lewald. These three probably deserve the most credit in getting X-Men to television and for it being the number one kid’s show when it finally did get there.
Haim Saban, who is both a hero and a villain in this story.
The first 200 pages of the 400 page book are devoted to the development process and it’s a fascinating read. Lewald, who had no experience with the X-Men before getting hired to run the show, was entrusted with those initial 13 episodes. He had people at Marvel he could go to with questions, but in a pre-internet world that meant a phone call, fax, or worse. It wasn’t like there was a Google equivalent in 1992. Artist Larry Houston is credited with the look of the series, as he was one of the few onboard who was a fan of the comic. Also the Edens brothers, Michael and Mark, were Lewald’s main contributors in the writing department. Lewald’s wife Julia was also a part in the initial season and contributed to the book as well. It’s very interesting to read as Lewald takes the reader through that initial writing process, and it’s easily the most captivating section of the book. Their approach to character showed in the episodes, so a lot of what is said here was previously assumed. Such as the belief that killing off poor Morph in the second episode would create stakes and pull the viewer in.
The early days of Fox Kids.
If there is an MVP character for the book though it just might be Haim Saban. Saban was a newcomer to television when Fox Kids partnered with him to bring the X-Men to air. Saban collected a fee for those first 13 episodes, but then it was on him to pay the writers and editors. Graz handled the art, while AKOM was contracted to do the animation. Saban is a notoriously cheap man, and reading about all of the accounts of his cheapness is both hilarious and frustrating. It’s well known now, but bares repeating to emphasize how cheap he was that Saban docked the pay for all of the returning writers for season 2. His reasoning? The show was a success, so now more people would want to write for it and therefore he could pay them less. The man is now a billionaire, so obviously he’s pretty good at making money, though he’s also a reminder of a lot of what’s wrong with modern capitalism. The second half of the book is comprised of interviews with the cast, writers, producers, and other executives and almost all of them have a comment about how cheap Saban was, and likely still is.
Many battles took place to bring X-Men to Saturday morning. Some I knew about before reading this book, and others I did not. It’s probably common knowledge that the first episode from AKOM was utter garbage in terms of animation quality. It’s a big reason why the show had to premiere as a sneak preview because the studio couldn’t get the episodes ready to premiere in the normal Fall window due to all of the animation fixes that needed to take place. A lot of money was spent getting it right, and it almost blew everything up. The original voice cast also had to re-do the initial episodes because the first takes were so bad. Saban, in order to save money, hired Canadian actors to voice the show because they were famously non-union, so casting, supervising, and ultimately editing the audio for the show was cumbersome. Having to send individuals up to Canada in order to re-dub the initial episodes was obviously time consuming as well.
Oh Morph, I still mourn for thee.
And then there was Stan Lee. Stan Lee is a pretty famous guy. I’m not sure if he’s today more known for all of the comic characters he had a hand in creating or if he’s more famous for being that old guy who cameos in every Marvel film. Stan Lee created the X–Men alongside Jack Kirby in the 60s, but after that initial unsuccessful run, he turned it over to other writers and artists so he could focus on other things. As a result, come 1992 he basically knew nothing about the modern X-Men and yet he insisted he knew what was right for the show. Lewald and Iwanter had to fight with Stan on everything in those developmental days. He insisted on narrating the episodes, as he had done with previous Marvel television shows, and his approach was entirely wrong for the show they were trying to create. Supposedly, he even proposed the premise of the show should be a few members of the team driving around and solving mysteries. Imagine Wolverine in the role of Scooby Doo? Who would Shaggy be – Gambit?! They somehow managed to placate him, without really giving him a voice in the show, and eventually he went away as the show moved along through its first season and became a smash hit. The frustration in having to deal with Lee, and the many other challenges, is felt in reading this and I ached for Lewald even though he’s more than 25 years removed from this aggravation.
The success of X-Men helped pave the way for more Marvel cartoons like Spider-Man.
That first season was only 13 episodes, a far cry from the 65 episode order Batman received. Fox was so unsure about the property that it wouldn’t commit beyond that, forcing basically everyone involved to move onto other shows. Lewald went on to helm Exosquad with the Edens, and thankfully that too only received a 13 episode order so he was available to return to X-Men when it finally received the full episode order. Others did not, because that’s how television works. If a show isn’t in production, you’re not getting paid. That first season’s decision to present itself in a serialized fashion also presented problems for the network, as production delays on one episode messed up the order of everything. As a result, the network demanded that season 2 be more episodic, but Lewald and his talented team of writers still managed to give it a serialized feel with The Savage Land segments and reoccurring villains like Mr. Sinister and The Friends of Humanity. A wise move, since the serialized nature of that first season is a big reason why it’s so special.
“Nightcrawler” is frequently cited as a favorite episode of many of the creators involved with the show. The book also contains a deep dive into its creation.
Like the show itself, which I think produced its best work in those first two seasons, the book somewhat suffers from a strong first half that isn’t matched by the second. The many interviews that span roughly 200 pages are informative, but some more than others. The voice cast mostly repeats itself with remarks about how it was fun to work on something that felt different and how they came to understand their roles. The actual writers and producers offer the more interesting nuggets. There’s a lot of praise thrown around which might get tiresome for readers, though they all have reason to praise each other since it’s easy to forget how successful this show was. Especially when taken alongside the production and development hurdles. Of the interviews, I think I actually enjoyed the executive ones the most. Loesch and Iwanter were candid and did a great job of transporting me back to the early 90s and the hurdles they faced in backing this show. It’s fun to read about how close these people were with these characters that meant so much to me as a child. They cared about them, which is ultimately why the show ended up being as successful as it was.
Marvel has resurrected the 92 X-Men for its comics line, but the results weren’t enjoyed by this blogger.
It should come as no surprise that, as a longtime fan of the show, I fully recommend Previously on X-Men to other fans of the show. Even if you were only a casual fan, but tuned into the animated scene at the time, you might enjoy reading this one. It’s fun to read the comparisons of how this show came to be with the experiences these people had with other shows. X-Men was a production mess, a wonderful, beautiful, mess. It was still garnering good numbers when it was cancelled, and one has to assume it was due to costs. By then, Saban had Power Rangers and was able to bring more stuff in house. X-Men had all kinds of hands on it so a lot of people had to get paid, and as we already covered, Saban wasn’t a fan of paying people. Even so, it’s hard to argue that the show was cut-down in its prime or anything, but reading this book and revisiting the show really made me realize how much I’d love to come back to this world. Marvel did launch an X-Men ’92 comic, but it did not satisfy me nor did it read like an episode of the beloved cartoon, rather it felt more like a parody. Marvel is now under the gigantic Disney umbrella and its films basically print money. With the Fox acquisition though, suddenly the X-Men are back in play. Marvel hasn’t bothered with animated films in awhile, though it’s sort of bringing that back with Into the Spider-Verse. Maybe a direct to video follow-up for the 92 X-Men could one day be in play. Pretty please? At the very least, how about a Blu Ray collection with episode commentaries, Disney? The people who created this wonderful show obviously wish to talk about it and they still have a lot to say.
![X-Men (FOX) [1992-1997]Shown from left: Wolverine, Morph, Beast](https://thenostalgiaspot.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/xmen_01_-_embed_2017.jpg)
The Nostalgia Spot 