“If you want to kill someone on your way out it would really help me a lot!”
If you’re going to market action figures to a fanbase as venerable as The Simpsons, you should probably go after what they love most. Simpsons fans love to make references to their favorite episodes and characters and one of the top episodes from the show is “You Only Move Twice” from the show’s seventh season. In that episode, Homer takes a job in another town forcing the Simpsons to move (again, hence the episode’s title) to another community that just so happens to be run by a Bondsian supervillain known as Hank Scorpio. Played by Albert Brooks, Scorpio is one of the most memorable one-off characters in the long history of the show. It’s probably not a stretch to call him the most memorable one-off character. He should have been brought back for the movie, but instead the writers and producers of The Simpsons decided to create a new villain for Brooks to play.
He’s the world’s best boss – get used to it.
What makes Scorpio so great? In short: everything. He’s exceedingly nice and a quote machine. He’s an ideal boss, but also someone bent on world domination who won’t hesitate to murder in order to get what he wants. That aspect of the character is unveiled slowly, but effectively. If Super7 had polled Simpsons fans on characters they most wanted to see in this toy line I bet Scorpio would have fared well. Maybe not top ten, but certainly pretty high for a character that isn’t regularly seen or heard from. And since Super7’s approach with this line has been so episode-specific, he’s a natural fit, but can they stick the landing?
Hank is pretty average in height for this line.
Scorpio comes in the standard packaging for the line and stands at about 6.75″ to the top of his head. He’s nearly a full 7″ when you factor in the hair. He’s presented in his mint green turtleneck sweater with blue-gray slacks and brown loafers. Out of the box, he’ll be sporting a big canister on his back that is looped onto his arms. Like the other figures from this wave, Scorpio has a pretty matte finish to him. Unlike Duffman, I think it’s all derived from a clear coat applied to colored plastic. Either way, it works and he has a nice appearance, albeit a very simple one. This isn’t a sculpt that demands much and what little paint is needed is basically reserved for the head. There his orange-brown hair and beard are fine and the eyes clean. The turtleneck is part of the head sculpt which is a little unusual, but fine. I think the head is glued into the plastic so there’s no mismatched colors when comparing neck to chest. This figure won’t catch one’s eye when amongst a sea of other figures, but it looks the part.
Someone just stole his lunch.
Where things start to get a little iffy for me concerns the accessories. For hands, we get a set of fists and gripping hands of different sizes. We also get a pointing left hand and a right hand that has a “World’s Best Boss” coffee mug permanently affixed to it. The mug isn’t hollow, but the inside is left as bare, white, plastic. Why not just a little hit of brown paint for coffee? He looks like he’s drinking milk. Either way, it’s a skimpy assortment of hands. For portraits, we get a stoic one, an angry side-eye with teeth showing, and a maniacal yelling portrait. The stoic and side eye look fine, but the maniacal head could have had a better paint job on the visible teeth. There’s a gray swash on them, or maybe the white mixed with the black paint used for the back of the throat. I wish the maniacal one also had more of a smile to it. It’s subtle in the episode, and this head has a very specific use, but I don’t think Super7 quite captured it.
He has a grenade, but I’m guessing most people will display him with his other weapon.
And that head is intended for the flamethrower. He does have a grenade canister which is fine, but the main accessory is the flame thrower. For that, we get the gun, or wand, portion plus a tube that plugs into the back of it and the side of the tank on the figure’s back. The tube is cumbersome, but stays in place all right once you get it i place provided you don’t try and reposition anything. For that reason, insert it last. There’s also a flame effect for the end of the gun which is done in a translucent plastic that is orange at the base and yellow at the tip. It’s large and heavy and isn’t really the shape I think of when I think flamethrower. I’d have preferred something more narrow that streams out. Such a piece would have been lighter which would have been welcomed as this attachment will cause the barrel of the gun to sag.
There’s really no good way for him to hold this thing. Plus that hose will keep constantly popping out on you as you try to get the best position the figure will allow.
There is another issue with this accessory and it’s that the figure isn’t articulated well enough to wield it properly. The gun is intended to be held with both hands, one on the back and one at the front. The right, gripping, hand is sculpted to hold the rear handle while the left is shaped for the grenade, but can rest on the front handle. The hands can sort of get in place, but the figure has only basic articulation. That means a double-ball peg head and neck setup, hinged shoulders, single jointed elbows, wrists that swivel and hinge horizontally, a ball-jointed diaphragm, ball-jointed hips, single-jointed knees, and hinged ankles with ankle rockers. What he needs are butterfly joints at the shoulders so he can bring his left arm across his body to properly aim the flamethrower. As it stands, he basically has to hold the gun across his belly and point his left shoulder at the target. In the episode, he basically fires from the hip. You can kind of fake his shooting pose from the episode, but any further scrutiny reveals it to be pretty ridiculous. In fairness to Super7, the glamour shots did the same thing so this isn’t a bait and switch, but how about some creativity? If butterfly joints are a no-go, why not a swappable left arm that’s preposed the way it needs to be? This is just the half-assed solution and the too heavy flame effect doesn’t help.
This low angle shot of the flame in action illustrates how I think the expression is just off enough to bug me. He almost looks frightened, not deranged.
This brings me to my main critique of Hank Scorpio which is that this is not the “ultimate” expression of the character which is the mantra of the line. This figure sells out for this one scene of Hank Scorpio firing on the government operatives with his flamethrower. He basically can’t do much else aside from hold his coffee cup. Where’s the happy Hank we see all throughout the episode? No smiling portrait is a huge miss. And the back of the box depicts him with his coat on backwards, a memorable moment from the episode that he can’t achieve. Three of the figures in this wave came with soft goods, but Scorpio did not. He should have his coat, via soft goods or swappable arms and an overlay, but he doesn’t. If you’re going to call your product the ultimate expression of a character, then you better damn well do it. This isn’t it.
“Homer, I’m very disappointed you’ve chosen to take a job with the government.”
If you have been waiting decades to add a Hank Scorpio to your shelf then I suppose this figure will have to do. It’s not terrible, it just comes up way short as an expression of Hank Scorpio. I’m not demanding he be able to convert to workout gear so he can toss a shoe, but the lack of a sunny disposition is inexcusable. And since his flamethrower pose is executed poorly, I have a hard time recommending this figure. It’s a shame because this may very well be the only Hank Scorpio action figure we ever get. As has been the case with the first two figures (and most Super7 Ultimates! in general these days) you would be better served by waiting for a discount. The line is already dead so it’s not as if one’s inaction on the line at full MSRP is going to cause any long-lasting harm to it. If you also feel it’s just plain not good enough even at a discount then I wouldn’t really disagree.
Interested in reading more about Super7’s line of Simpsons Ultimates?:
When I concluded my review of wave 1 of The Simpsons Ultimates! from Super7 I was thinking that I’d be back with more reviews later in the year. That was in February of 2023. We are now in April of 2024 and finally wave two has arrived (my original order was place January 5th, 2022).…
In writing up my review of Bartman from Super7’s line of Ultimates! based on The Simpsons, I got a little hot. That figure had some errors in its presentation that annoyed me, but what annoyed me more was the refusal to just let the figure exist as Bart Simpson and Bartman. It was clearly designed…
Slowly but surely I am clearing out all of the action figure preorders I placed in the year 2021. Of the ones that had been remaining, the line I was most looking forward to experiencing was the line of Super7 Ultimates! based on The Simpsons. It was August of 2021 when these suckers went up…
In writing up my review of Bartman from Super7’s line of Ultimates! based on The Simpsons, I got a little hot. That figure had some errors in its presentation that annoyed me, but what annoyed me more was the refusal to just let the figure exist as Bart Simpson and Bartman. It was clearly designed so the body could be reused to do so, but that will never happen because the line has been cancelled. How do I know the body was designed to be a regular Bart eventually? Because the cape was entirely removable. It just slipped over the ball joint for the neck. If they wanted that body to just be Bartman, it would have been embedded in the sculpt. That’s what would have matched the show, and that’s what they did with today’s figure of Duffman.
It’s a muscle dude in a cape wit a belt full of beer – what’s there to be mad about?
Duffman should be a nice cool down review for me because what’s there to get upset about when it comes to Duffman? Aside from him existing all together (and we’ll get to that), this is a goofy character that has reappeared a few times throughout the show’s run. For a franchise that usually just tries to sell to a hardcore fanbase that worships the show’s “Golden Era,” Duffman represents a pretty late addition having first appeared in Season Nine’s “The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson.” Most fans of The Simpsons consider the eighth season to be the last of the supposed golden age and I tend to agree. Though it’s worth pointing out that this episode Duffman hails from is technically a production Season Eight episode.
Duffman seems to scale fine, but man, Simpsons head sizes are kind of crazy.
No matter, it’s Duffman, a silly parody of beer mascots from the real world the most obvious being Budman. These sorts of characters don’t really happen too often anymore because they’re kind of scummy. Who likes super heroes more than anyone? Children, and marketing alcohol to children is a shitty thing to do. It’s why we no longer have Budman, Spuds MacKenzie (more on him to follow), and Joe Camel. These are all things that I was exposed to as a kid and I think Budweiser is gross and don’t smoke, so maybe the hysteria over them was all for nothing? Duffman, as a parody of those types of characters, is fairly one note, but not without merit. He shows up with his own soundtrack (“Ohh yeah”) and is fond of thrusting towards things he wants to draw attention to. He’s usually accompanied by a bunch of party women and lots of Duff beer. Someone at Super7 must have felt he was too hilarious not to make a figure out of, or maybe they just liked his threads? It’s also possible one of the prime motivators for doing a Duffman this early in the line was because Playmates never did with their World of Springfield line. That one had to tiptoe around the alcohol associated with the show because they were sold at toy stores and Walmart. Super7 doesn’t have to do that and Disney has been surprisingly okay with alcohol in this line, though I do wonder if some restrictions were put in place.
Duffman may be tall, but Scratchy still has him beat.
Duffman comes in the standard Ultimates! style of packaging. Out of the box, he stands approximately 7.5″ making him among the tallest in the short-lived line. He strikes a more heroic figure than Bartman with broad shoulders, a puffed out chest, and slim waist. Seriously, Hasbro could stand to take some cues from this guy. Like Bartman, he has a nice, matte, finish whether we’re talking the yellow skin, red hat, or blue costume. Every surface has been coated with paint even when the underlying plastic is cast in the same color. This does mean you’ll get some paint flaking at the joints where the paint can’t adhere properly to the harder plastic, but it’s a small price to pay. The cape is done with soft goods and it’s embedded in the torso. This means it isn’t removable, but why would it need to be? The sunglasses are also part of the sculpt, but there are painted eyes behind them. The belt, which is lovingly adorned with cans of Duff beer, appears to clasp in the back, but it may be reenforced with glue which is fine by me. The cans, unfortunately, are not removable.
Duffman is number 1!
Duffman comes with a smattering of accessories. He has a whole bunch of hands, but surprisingly not a lot of pairs. For actual pairs of hands there’s a set of relaxed/narrow gripping hands and a set of style pose hands that I think are supposed to work with an accessory, but don’t. There’s a pointing right hand, a left fist, a right chop, a left “Devil Horns” gesture, and a right, wide, gripping hand. There’s also a “foam” finger hand since Duffman does make appearances at the stadium for the Springfield Isotopes. I believe the style pose hands are supposed to work with the included Duff beer 7-pack accessory, but the fingers won’t fit through the openings. They can grab the rings from the side, so maybe that was the intention? Perhaps with some heat and force the finger could sneak through the slots, but the accessory is fully painted and Duffman’s hands are white. Plus, the wide gripping hand can grab that 7th can just fine. The cans are painted just as well as the ones on his belt, but can’t come out of the rings. Did Disney allow the use of Duff cans so long as they couldn’t be removed from the belt or this ring setup? It would be kind of odd, but maybe they have a line in the sand when it comes to toy beer.
My open mouth head has an awful black mark on the teeth I may try to touch up.
If you’re a big fan of Santa’s Little Helper then Wave Two of Simpsons Ultimates! has probably made you happy.
Duffman also comes with a couple of alternate portraits. His default one is his big smile, the expression he wears more often than not in the show. He also has a yelling head for when he needs to get the party going. The last head is covered with an oversized Duff beer sticker from the episode “Pygmoelian.” It’s a bit of a stupid, gag, head that likely no one will use especially since it was slapped on his face in the episode by a post plastic surgery Moe. The sticker is removable as it just pegs into his mouth, but the expression without it isn’t of much use as a display piece. It’s not an egregious inclusion because what else is truly needed for Duffman? A keg would have been cool, I suppose, or some Duff beer in bottles. His final accessory is Santa’s Little Helper as Suds McDuff. Yes, another parody of a dead beer mascot and our second SLH of the wave. This one is less articulated than the first as he’s in a seated position. The head rotates, but that’s it. The figure is well-painted, but once again, fans may be left wishing it could be converted into a generic version of the family dog and not forced to live as this gimmick version.
The sticker face is an okay gag, but probably not something many are likely to make use of.
The sticker is removable if you want a…sucking face?
Articulation for Duffman is going to be pretty basic and typical of the line: double-ball-peg head, hinged shoulder pegs, single jointed elbows, hinged wrists that swivel, ball-jointed hips, single-jointed knees, and ankles that hinge and rock. What he lacks is torso articulation of any kind that I can tell. If there’s a waist twist here it doesn’t want to go and I don’t want to push it. The cape is also wired and can be posed reasonably well, but everything else is pretty limited. Elbows and knees can’t bend 90 degrees and the ankle hinge is pretty limited. The belt prevents him from kicking forward much and he can’t kick back at all. This is a set it and forget it kind of figure. The joints are also pretty tight, but the hips have some looseness to them. Not enough to make it a problem now, but something to keep an eye on.
At the end of the day, it’s Duffman. He’s fine.
Duffman is an easy figure to review as I could have simply said if you like what you see, then you’ll like this figure. It would have saved me a lot of time too. This figure isn’t going to pose very well, but it’s at least well-executed when it comes to the presentation. I wish the elbows were a little better and that he had a proper waist twist. I think he’s supposed to, but mine is tight or the belt is holding it in place. As for the rest, the accessories are fine. One of the heads is pretty useless and I would trade it for something else, but it’s not a huge problem for me. When it comes to any lingering feelings towards Duffman, it’s just a question of was it too soon for this character? Considering the second wave consisted of a Simpson, an A-list secondary character, a fan-favorite one-off, and Duffman I think it’s fine. Would I have picked him for this wave? No, but I’m not angered by his inclusion. Now, if I had known the line would only last four waves from the start well then, yeah, I’d be pretty irritated, but that’s not Duffman’s fault. I do think it’s bizarre that two waves into the line and no female characters are present, but not egregious. That’s more a critique for wave three. As was the case with Bartman, if you think $55 is a proper price for this figure and you want a Duffman then I say go for it. If you’d rather not spend that much then hold off because this figure has clearance written all over it given he’s not an in-demand character and the line is already cancelled.
We’ve got plenty more reviews of The Simpsons by Super7:
When I concluded my review of wave 1 of The Simpsons Ultimates! from Super7 I was thinking that I’d be back with more reviews later in the year. That was in February of 2023. We are now in April of 2024 and finally wave two has arrived (my original order was place January 5th, 2022).…
Our first two looks at the inaugural wave of Ultimates! from Super7 based on The Simpsons have been two very episode specific takes. One was Deep Space Homer from the episode of the same name where Homer went to space and the figure presents the character in his space suit. The second figure was Poochie,…
Slowly but surely I am clearing out all of the action figure preorders I placed in the year 2021. Of the ones that had been remaining, the line I was most looking forward to experiencing was the line of Super7 Ultimates! based on The Simpsons. It was August of 2021 when these suckers went up…
When I concluded my review of wave 1 of The Simpsons Ultimates! from Super7 I was thinking that I’d be back with more reviews later in the year. That was in February of 2023. We are now in April of 2024 and finally wave two has arrived (my original order was place January 5th, 2022). I don’t know what the deal was, but for whatever reason The Simpsons got really backed up at Super7. Some of it was probably due to the licensor in Disney which we know forced the company to remove a cigarette smoking head from the Krusty figure. My understanding is the head was approved by The Simpsons team at 20th Century Television, but once it got to Disney it had to go. They have a strict no smoking policy when it comes to merchandise and while it was disappointing, I get it. Did that one alteration cause this line to get so severely delayed? Maybe, because waves 3 and 4 shipped right behind it. Unfortunately, there were more issues.
He’s a little guy.
Super7’s co-founder Brian Flynn announced in an interview on the Robo Don’t Know YouTube channel earlier this year that Simpsons (and their relationship with Disney) was dead. He didn’t elaborate except to say that the two companies didn’t see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. Disney didn’t “get it” when it came to the Super7 business model. And maybe that’s because no one can figure that out? I thought about making a post about that interview here and the line’s cancellation, but realized it would just be a rant and I don’t really do rants. Super7’s approach to The Simpsons has been asinine. I’ve been a defender of the episode-specific approach of the company’s figures, but I’m also not dense. I can see all over social media and on YouTube the response to the line which has been “Where’s the regular family?” In that very same interview the line was announced as cancelled, Flynn talks about the importance of heavy hitters and recognizable characters to a wave of action figures. The reference is to ThunderCats, but for whatever reason that logic wasn’t applied to The Simpsons. Super7 figured that out way too late because they revealed a fifth wave which was going to include Marge (with Maggie), Lisa, and Groundskeeper Wily all in their normal, everyday, attire. Too little, too late, because the line is ending with the fourth wave.
Bartman is in some respects an action figure I really like. It’s pretty well made and looks like the character it’s supposed to. It’s also a terrific encapsulation for why this line is a failure. Before we get into that, let’s just talk about Bartman the action figure. It comes in the standard Ultimates! box with cloud-covered slipcover with an image of Bartman on the back and a note on which episode he first appeared in. Removing the slipcover reveals the figure inside behind a window box. These slipcovers are supposed to be going away soon, but at least it’s uniform for now with the first wave of The Simpsons.
Does he scale with Poochie? I have no idea, but this is what the two look like together.
Out of the box, Bartman stands at approximately four and a half inches. This puts the top of his spiky hair right at about chest level when compared with wave one’s Deep Space Homer. Bartman is probably a little too big for perfect scale, but it seems okay enough. As this is Bartman, it’s Bart Simpson with a cape and cowl mimicking Batman. This was mostly a licensing thing back in the early 90s, but Bartman did appear in the Season Three episode “Three Men and a Comic Book” which is where most of the inspiration for this figure comes from. The cowl is part of the sculpt and painted a dark purple. The shirt is Bart’s traditional orange which is in keeping with the episode, though most Bartman depictions outside of the show featured a light blue shirt. That would have made for an obvious variant, but I’m guessing that’s not going to happen now. Bartman has his blue shorts and blue sneakers and most of the figure appears to be colored plastic, but with a matte finish to reduce that shiny, plastic, look. The yellow parts of the limbs lack that finish, unfortunately, but it stands out less with a small figure.
From what I’ve been able to ascertain, this smiling head is not supposed to feature a side-eyed glance.
The paint on the head is pretty crisp. There will likely be minor imperfections around the eyes of most figures, but nothing egregious. Unfortunately, the pupils on mine are not aligned properly giving him a side-eye portrait. This appears to be uncommon based on images I’ve seen online. The cowl helps lessen the need for more of an outline on those eyes, something I felt Homer and Moe from wave one would have benefitted from. His default portrait features a toothy smile and it looks fine. There’s no black linework on his teeth, but that might have been overkill if present. Bartman does feature a cape, but for some reason it’s blue. His cape and cowl should match, and I don’t know if the shade of the cowl is even the right purple, but it’s close enough to the show. It also has a bow on it for some reason, which also doesn’t match the show. The bow matches the licensing art, but the shirt doesn’t – pick a lane, Super7! Bartman features a utility belt and I think it came from a video game. For a second, I thought it might be from “The Homer They Fall,” but that episode features a completely different belt. It’s thankfully easily removable and just slides right off the figure. The factory also missed (or whoever approved the paint sample missed it) the white circles on the inner half of Bart’s shoes. The circle is sculpted on his feet, but they were left blue like the rest of the foot.
This portrait is an odd choice.
Bart definitely needs his trusty slingshot.
Bartman comes with a whole bunch of accessories from that episode I mentioned earlier. He has four sets of hands: fists, relaxed, style posed, gripping. He also has a ninth hand clutching a wad of money. For head portraits, we get two extra: stoic and worried. The stoic head is bizarre in that his mouth is in a smile position, but his eyelids are partially closed. I don’t know what Super7 was going for, he just looks high. The worried look is fine and it pairs well with another accessory, or if paired with the money hand it can make him look desperate to purchase Radioactive Man number 1, but why no angry portrait? Most Bartman images feature an angry, or determined, expression and that’s even true of a lot of the episode. Hell, just look at the reference art on the damn box. It’s an odd omission.
Bartman can’t fly, so he kind of needs a skateboard to get around.
I’m so glad he comes with his trusty…bird’s nest?
For the rest of the stuff, we get Bart’s green skateboard. It features working wheels and has the familiar orange stripe down the center and a single peg for one of Bart’s feet. There’s the issue of Radioactive Man number 1 and the printing of the cover looks okay. It’s not a perfect recreation, and the back is blank, but it’s okay. There’s a bird’s nest which features a lone, white, bird and the remnants of the comic inside it. It’s an impressive paint job, but what the hell am I going to do with this? Bartman also has his trusty slingshot. He doesn’t have a back pocket to store it in, but it’s sculpted like it’s being drawn and the figure can do an okay job of simulating such a pose. Lastly, we get Santa’s Little Helper with Radioactive Man number 1 in his maw. The front legs and head swivel so it’s not a slug figure and overall he looks good. I wish he had an action pose head simulating him shaking it back and forth like how we see swirling effects for characters that have weapons they swing (think Thor’s hammer accessory from Hasbro, or Michelangelo’s whirling nunchaku effect) in circular motions. Or just a regular Santa’s Little Helper head to swap, but that would make too much sense.
At least Santa’s Little Helper is a nice inclusion.
The articulation for Bartman is nothing we haven’t seen before. A double ball-pegged head lets him look around reasonably well with little room to look up and down. Ball-hinged shoulders let his arms rotate and go out to the side while the single jointed elbows swivel and bend about ninety degrees. Wrists rotate and hinge and all of the hinges are horizontal in nature. There’s a ball joint at the waist for swivel and some tilt, though the t-shirt restricts a lot of that. The legs won’t go out to the side for full splits or kick forward all the way, but the range is probably enough for Bartman. The knees bend less than ninety degrees and the ankles feature hinges with limited range and acceptable ankle rockers. The cape is wired, so it has some pose-ability as well. It’s not big enough to do anything crazy, but it will work to simulate motion if you put Bartman on his skateboard or in a flight stand.
“Umm, Krusty? Your robe is open…”
Objectively speaking, this is a solid action figure. It moves well enough and it looks pretty good, though some of the flaws feel inexcusable at this price range. As a Simpsons fan though, I am so annoyed by this release. The cape is the wrong color and has a stupid bow on it that shouldn’t be there. The belt is useless and not from the episode this figure is drawing inspiration from and it along with the bird’s nest could have been scrapped for something better. How about, oh I don’t know, a plain Bart Simpson head?! Would that have been so hard? And if you’re thinking of painting one of the existing heads, the cowl is part of the sculpt and it will look awful if you were to do that. We don’t even get the most suitable Bartman portrait nor do we get a normal Santa’s Little Helper. Super7 went out of their way to deny us a regular Bart figure with a bunch of useless junk in the box and then they go on YouTube and act surprised that sales weren’t as good as they expected and can’t understand why Disney won’t just let them do what they want. I don’t normally do this, but whoever was in charge of this line at Super7 should be demoted or outright fired. It is the most asinine, stubborn, absurd approach to marketing a toy line that I have ever seen. At some point during these years of development Super7 could have added a Bart head to the package. “We hear you, we screwed up, here’s the thing you’re asking for,” but instead they dug in their heals, didn’t even bother putting a Simpson in Wave 3, stuck another Homer variant in Wave 4, then threw their hands in the air when it all went to shit.
“Finally, Radioactive Man #1 is mine.”
If you want a Bartman figure, this is fine. If the imperfections are going to ruin it for you, then by all means give it a pass. And if you’re on the fence, considering that the line is dead you will probably save yourself some money if you wait. I preordered all of Wave Two from Super7 directly as a show of good faith and to tell them I want more Simpsons. How did that work out for me?
Slowly but surely I am clearing out all of the action figure preorders I placed in the year 2021. Of the ones that had been remaining, the line I was most looking forward to experiencing was the line of Super7 Ultimates! based on The Simpsons. It was August of 2021 when these suckers went up…
Our first two looks at the inaugural wave of Ultimates! from Super7 based on The Simpsons have been two very episode specific takes. One was Deep Space Homer from the episode of the same name where Homer went to space and the figure presents the character in his space suit. The second figure was Poochie,…
We’re back with the fourth, and final, review of the inaugural wave of Super7 Ultimates! from The Simpsons. And today, you’re getting a two for one as we’re looking at two figures: Robot Itchy and Robot Scratchy. This pair hails from the Season 6 episode “Itchy & Scratchy Land” which was one part Westworld and…
Today, we return to my best Christmas specials of all-time list with television’s first family: The Simpsons. The Simpsons are the brainchild of series creator Matt Groening who allegedly came up with the idea as a spur of the moment one when he needed something to pitch to the Fox Network. He essentially based The Simpsons on his own family and even borrowed some of the names of his family members for the now iconic characters of the show. The pitch was a success and The Simpsons became a segment on The Tracey Ullman Show. When it gained enough popularity that the Fox Network couldn’t ignore, the segment was spun-off into its own series.
When Fox decided to take a chance on The Simpsons it did so with some trepidation. TV people James L. Brooks and Sam Simon were added to the mix to give it some credibility, but the Fox Network was still young with inexperience at virtually every level of the operation. And the TV guys the network brought in had little experience with animation. Fox wasn’t willing to commit to a full season order, so 13 episodes were ordered for the first season. That inexperience with animation reared its head early when the very first episode, “Some Enchanted Evening,” came back from the overseas animator looking dreadful. Un-airable. The team didn’t understand how long retakes would take in animation nor did they realize how expensive they were. It’s not a big deal to do reshoots in live-action with a set that lives in perpetuity on a studio lot, but for animation someone has to re-draw, re-color, and re-edit the show.
Obviously, those growing pains would eventually pay dividends and The Simpsons is currently airing its 35th season. And it all started here. When “Some Enchanted Evening” came back so bad it called for a lot of changes, the show wouldn’t make its original air date so Fox decided to delay it to give it more time. As part of that delay, the Christmas episode was moved up. Now, The Simpsons could premiere as a Christmas special in December of 1989 with the rest of the season kicking off in 1990. It’s a bit unusual for a show to start with a Christmas episode, but not unheard of. The Fox animated series Life With Louie would do a Christmas special as a pilot a few years later which would turn into a series order for that show. And because today’s episode was the first to air, it’s now just recognized as the show’s first episode even though it wasn’t number 1 in production order.
The first season of The Simpsons is admittedly a little rough. It always takes a show time to find its voice and The Simpsons is no different. For a first episode though, this one is pretty damn good. The show knew it wanted the family to be a bit dysfunctional. So many television families of the past were rather wholesome with little conflict within the family unit that wasn’t just some trivial issue. That was changing in the 80’s and the sitcom Roseanne is often cited as one of the first shows willing to put a more “real” family on TV. Married…with Children went hard into that with a more farcical take while The Simpsons would land somewhere in-between. Being animation, the show could get a little out there when compared with a live-action sitcom while still retaining plot issues like job security and money.
And this first episode of The Simpsons very much deals with money issues. Financial stress around the holidays is definitely not unique to the Simpsons and many families deal with that every year. It’s exacerbated by the presence of Santa Claus who bestows presents on the good boys and girls of the world and coal on the bad ones. When Santa brings the rich kid down the street a new bike while the poor kid settles for a yo-yo, it’s bound to raise some questions on the playground. As a result, all parents feel pressured to shower their children with gifts whether they can afford it or not. I’m guilty of going a little nuts around the holidays, and while I’ve never spent outside my means, I do regret not setting expectations lower. Maybe one gift should be from Santa and the rest from mom and dad. It might not make the kid who gets little feel much better, but at least said kid isn’t left wondering why Santa treats him so poorly while the kid who doesn’t need any help is rewarded.
They must be pretty late if no one is even on the road.
Anyway, the unique flavor of this Christmas episode of The Simpsons is what makes it so endearing for me. It also doesn’t hurt that it has incredible historic significance by being the first of over 700 episodes and counting. Perhaps to give it more of a “Christmas Special” feel, the episode doesn’t begin with the usual show intro. We just get a quick jingle of the main theme (composed by Danny Elfman) with a graphic that reads “The Simpsons Christmas Special” super-imposed over a dark, snowy, backdrop. Homer (Dan Castellaneta), Marge (Julie Kavner), and Maggie are in the car heading for a school Christmas recital. Homer is driving rather erratically as they’re apparently late while Marge urges him to slow down.
“Pardon my goulashes.”
When the family arrives at the recital, late, they’re forced to awkwardly slip in to find seats. As they do so, Homer keeps calling out to other fathers he knows and who could forget Homer’s buddy Norman? Or Fred? Yeah, these are names we’ll never hear again. Even though Homer makes a remark to Norman about “getting dragged here too” he seems pretty cheerful and happy to be present, a far cry from how he feels about attending a thorough re-telling of the life of George Washington in Season Four.
A very odd color choice here.
Once they find their seats, Homer and Marge watch as Principal Skinner (Harry Shearer) introduces the presentations which are by class. Up next, a presentation of Santas from around the world by the second graders. It almost feels like there’s only one second grade class in this school which gives Springfield a very small town feel. I think in my town, a suburb in New Hampshire, we had around 12-15 classes per grade. Up first is possibly a proto-Janie (Pamela Hayden) to talk about German Santa who bestows gifts upon the good children and whipping rods on the parents of bad children to beat them with. We then hear from a proto-Ralph (Nancy Cartwright) who looks a little like Ralph Wiggum, but sounds nothing like him. He’s a Japanese priest who resembles Santa and his main feature is that he has eyes in the back of his head which the child demonstrates with a pair of spring-eyed glasses he’s wearing backwards. The crowd gasps as they fall out of place which feels very quaint by today’s standards. Finally, it’s Lisa’s (Yeardley Smith) turn who will be portraying a Polynesian Santa or something. It too causes the crowd to gasp because it involves a fire dance, or maybe they’re gasping because she looks like she isn’t wearing any pants? It’s an odd coloring choice as she’s wearing a straw skirt with virtually no coverage and her leggings are the same color as her flesh. Everyone applauds when she finishes either because they enjoyed it or because they’re just impressed she didn’t burn the place down.
“He’s the boy you love to hate!”
And now it’s time to hear from the fourth grade class – screw those stupid third graders! This is, of course, Bart’s (Cartwright) class and what’s America’s soon-to-be favorite little hellion going to do to ruin this pageant? Why, nothing more than change the words to “Jingle Bells.” You know the one, that famous school yard parody of unknown origin that turns the yuletide classic into a song about Batman’s poor hygiene. As the camera pans through the crowd of fourth-graders assembled on the stage, virtually none of them are recognizable. I did spot Lewis and Milhouse is in the first row, but the other faces are weird and unfamiliar. Before Bart breaks into his own rendition, Marge gets to comment on how angelic he is. Once he finishes his verse, a hand jumps into frame to yank him out of position. I assume it belonged to Skinner. Homer looks mad, then he looks bored as there’s a dissolve to indicate the passage of time and we can hear Skinner announcing the fifth grade performance. Behind Marge, there’s a woman without a nose which is creepy. Homer mutters aloud “How many grades does this school have?” and we fade out.
Christmas is coming, Simpsons.
We’re now at the home of the Simpson family! It’s decorated for Christmas and there’s a roaring fire. The kids are writing out their Christmas lists while Marge is working on a Christmas letter to send out. We hear her internal dictation to herself as she writes it. She notes that their cat died, but they replaced old Snowball with a new cat – Snowball II. Snowball II can be seen getting tangled in a box of Christmas lights which Homer is trying to untangle. It also should be noted the joke here is that the dead cat was a white one and appropriately named Snowball while the new one is a black cat, but they just kept the name anyway. Marge writes about how Grandpa is still alive and as feisty as ever and boasts about how well Lisa is doing in school. When she gets to Bart she just writes, “…well, we love Bart,” and lets that be it. Homer angrily barks at her asking if she finished that “stupid” letter yet prompting Marge to write “Homer sends his love,” before putting the finishing touches on it.
I tried to get the twister mouth captured, but it was driving me nuts, so here’s this relatively bland image instead.
Homer resumes his demands of Marge as he can’t seem to locate the extension chord. Marge snaps back that it’s where it should be – in the utility drawer. Good for Marge for standing up for herself. Homer softens and apologizes and blames it all on his excitement for the holidays. He then retrieves the extension chord from the drawer and we get a sort of “d’oh!” out of him when he finds it all tangled. Marge then asks the kids for their lists and indicates that she’ll send them to Santa right away. This prompts Bart to mutter, through a classic Simpsons twister mouth expression, “Oh please, there’s only one fat guy who brings presents and his name ain’t Santa.” You can tell the show wasn’t really going after the kid market in the beginning otherwise such a line wouldn’t exist.
This is just the beginning of Homer’s hatred of Patty and Selma.
Marge is then dismayed to see that the only thing Lisa wants is a pony and Bart wants a tattoo. Bart tries to justify his desire by saying they last forever, but Homer tells him he’s not getting one. If Bart wants a tattoo he’ll have to pay for it himself! Well, at least he tried. The phone rings and Homer answers it. On the other line is one of Marge’s sisters who just asks for Marge. Homer tries asking who is calling, but she just keeps asking for Marge as she clearly wants nothing to do with Homer. This just angers Homer, but he finally hands the phone to Marge and we find out it’s her sister Patty (Kavner). She indicates that she and her twin sister Selma (also Kavner) would be delighted to spend Christmas Eve with their baby sister. Marge tells her that she and Homer would be delighted to see them too and Patty, correctly, notes that Homer is probably not very enthusiastic about it. She then starts to complain about Homer as the scene fades out.
Don’t be confused, this is an image of the lights turned on. Nice attention to detail by having Homer’s imprint still in the snow.
When the next scene fades in, we find Homer on the roof in a rather precarious position as he attempts to hang Christmas lights. He does the predictable thing and falls, but there’s a nice pile of powder for him to land on so he’s no worse for ware. Homer then calls the kids over to plug in the lights. For some reason, he’s also wearing a tie now. Maybe this is the next night after work? Anyway, Homer calls for Marge to turn them on and it’s a rather pathetic display as only a couple of lights are working. Lisa adds a “Nice try, Dad,” while Bart can’t even muster up an insult and just hangs his head with a groan. Homer seems pleased though, at least until his neighbor Ned Flanders (Shearer) shouts over to ask him what he thinks of his display? He plugs it in and it’s pretty spectacular compared with Homer’s as all of the lights are working and there’s even an animated Santa on the roof. The kids stare at it in awe while Homer complains it’s too bright and crosses his arms angrily to mutter to himself.
The fabled big jar of money!
The next morning, Marge tells the kids over breakfast that she’s heading to the mall for Christmas shopping, and if they want to go too, they should go get their money. They’re pretty excited about going to the mall because it’s 1989 and that’s where all the action is! With them out of the kitchen, Homer is able to prod Marge about her secret stash of Christmas money. She tells him to close his eyes so as not to reveal her hiding place and when he does we find out it’s a big jar she keeps hidden in her giant hair. Marge must have amazing neck strength. Homer opens his eyes and remarks on how big the jar is this year as it’s full of bills and coins.
These things always seem like such a good idea at the time.
At the mall, Marge and Lisa go off shopping basically leaving Bart to his own whims. He soon happens upon a tattoo parlor and notices a display containing a heart design that says “Mother” on it. Bart fantasizes how such a tattoo would be received by his own mother which confirms to him that she thinks it’s a wonderful present that makes him look dangerous. Since Bart’s imagination is infallible, he heads to the counter and demands “One mother, please.” The tattoo artist curtly asks how old he is and Bart cheerfully responds with “21 my good man!” The guy simply responds with “Get in the chair.” According to the episode commentary, the writers struggled with how to get Bart into the tattoo chair because who would agree to tattoo a 10 year old? This simple line was what they settled on and I think it works. The line delivery by Harry Shearer is also perfect in selling this guy’s “I don’t care” attitude.
A Season One look at the office of C. Montgomery Burns. Interesting that the stuffed bear would remain a mainstay.
We cut to the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant which has a festive banner at the entrance denoting the time of year. We find Homer inside doing something he rarely does: work. He’s looking at some gauges and noting the readings on a clipboard. This is still Homer though and it would appear he’s doing a bad job as one meter rises abruptly and another is flashing red. The intercom comes on and it’s the voice of Waylon Smithers (Shearer) who is set to introduce Mr. Burns (Shearer) for an important announcement. Despite Smithers requesting that all employees continue working through this announcement, Homer puts his clipboard down and starts munching on a donut. He’s soon joined by several other, random, workers as Mr. Burns makes his announcement. He is pleased to report that they have improved plant safety without affecting consumer costs or management pay raises. Unfortunately, for the other “semi-skilled” workers, as he puts it, this means there will be no Christmas bonus this year. Dejected, the other workers disperse while Homer looks pretty distressed and thanks God for the big jar of money.
Lasers: very expensive and not for the groin.
Naturally, this means the big jar of money is in serious plot jeopardy. We go back to the mall and Marge spots her precious little guy in the chair at the tattoo parlor. She storms in and yanks the boy out mid-tattoo turning his intended “Mother” tattoo into one that says “Moth.” She drags him by the arm, his recently tattooed arm, a few stores down which just so happens to be a laser surgery center. I can’t say I ever saw such a place in a mall, but it does make good business sense to have one located near a tattoo parlor. The technician (Shearer) tells Marge they can remove the tattoo, but it’s a costly procedure that requires an upfront, cash, payment. Marge just looks at the big jar of money she’s carrying in despair and adds a “Thank God for Homer’s Christmas bonus.” Oh Marge, you poor fool! With the payment seemingly made, Bart can get the procedure. As the laser warms up, we get to hear one of Bart’s catchphrases, “Aye carumba!” The technician then instructs him not to squirm as you wouldn’t want to get this laser near your eye or your groin. Apparently, getting the word groin past the censors was a minor battle the show won.
Just in case there wasn’t a penny lurking in there, she turns it upside down.
It’s time to head back to 742 Evergreen Terrace (well, technically, in Season One the address had yet to be decided, but you get the idea) where Bart is sitting on the couch watching TV while Lisa pokes his new arm injury. She pokes, he says “Ow! Quit it,” and we repeat. Maggie also gets in on it. I actually really like this gag. Homer comes home to hear the bad news. Lisa is almost too eager to tell her father that the family had to blow the Christmas jar on laser surgery for Bart. Homer takes one look at that empty jar, which Marge turns upside down and shakes for added dramatic effect, and immediately begins wailing about Christmas being cancelled. Marge then assures her husband things will be okay because they still have his Christmas bonus. If you think this is the part where Homer tells the family he’s not getting a bonus this year then you have clearly never watched a sitcom. Homer just acts like he’s just remembering he has that bonus coming and no one in the family appears to pick up on the fact that he’s lying. Homer then exits the house through the kitchen, which is somehow the front door. One of the fun aspects to watching Season One of this show now is how crazy the layout of the house gets. Some shots will just have endless entryways in the background, or even in this past scene, Marge enters into the living room via the den, but when camera cuts back to her it’s the kitchen that’s behind her.
A lot of early episodes of The Simpsons feature Homer and Marge in bed.
Homer takes a sad look at his crappy Christmas decorations and the camera pans to the home of the Flanders so we can get a better sense of how inferior Homer’s Christmas is shaping up in comparison. He can’t even muscle up a “Stupid Flanders,” comment, only hang his head in shame. The scene then shifts to one of Marge and Homer in bed. Marge can tell something is bothering Homer and that he’s hiding something from her as well. When she brings up the subject of his Christmas bonus, Homer gets a chance to come clean, but instead of doing so makes up a lie about wanting to do the Christmas shopping this year. Marge is happy to hand over the list to her husband as that’s one less thing she has to worry about and she rolls over to go to sleep. With the lights out, we can still see the white of Homer’s eyes and his unsure smile.
Can’t be forgetting little Maggie’s Christmas present.
The next day, Homer heads out to do said Christmas shopping. His venue of choice? Not the mall, that’s much too expensive, for he has come to the seldom seen Circus of Values. I don’t think this store ever resurfaces in the future. Homer is monologuing his shopping decisions, which is very convenient for us viewers, as he picks out gifts for the family. Marge is getting pantyhose, Bart some pads of paper, and Maggie gets a squeak toy intended for dogs that’s shaped like a porkchop. Lisa apparently gets nothing. As Homer leaves with his lone bag of “gifts,” he bumps into Flanders outside. Ned couldn’t see him because his arms were piled high with wrapped gifts which are now all over the sidewalk. Ned apologizes then takes note of the mess before them and how tricky it will be to sort out what’s what. As he starts picking stuff up with a “One of mine,” for each, Homer growls back “They’re all yours!” since he has his lone bag in-hand. To add further insult to injury, Todd Flanders (Pamela Hayden, and the credits actually list this as Rod Flanders, but it’s clearly Todd) has picked up Homer’s porkchop and offers it back to him which he angrily snatches from the youth’s hand. Mind you, this looks extra pathetic as the Simpson family doesn’t currently own a dog. The two Flanders then head off to wherever it is they’re off to with Todd telling his dad that this will be the best Christmas ever! Does anybody ever make such a statement unironically in real life?
This version of Moe’s Tavern is basically free of dank.
Feeling pretty low, Homer heads to his favorite watering hole: Moe’s Tavern. Here, the grumpy Moe (Hank Azaria) is sporting a festive Santa hat and is overseeing a pretty well-decorated bar. The Moe of later seasons would never go this far to decorate his place. He also has black hair and a pink apron, two things that will change before the season is concluded. He asks Homer what’s wrong and notes he’s been sucking on a beer all day. He even offers Homer a candy cane to cheer him up – who is this guy?! Barney (Castellaneta) enters and announces drinks all around! Which is just he and Homer. He’s decked out in a Santa suit and Homer prods why. Barney tells him he got a job playing Santa down at the mall as he downs almost an entire mug of beer in one swig. Homer asks if he thinks he could get a job doing that and Barney cautions him by saying “They’re very selective,” before unleashing his classic belch. In case you were unaware, Barney is named after Barney Rubble as the writers thought it would be funny to give Homer a loser Barney as a best friend.
These Santas look more than a little strung out.
We cut to Homer on a job interview for this Santa program. The man conducting the interview (Shearer) wants to know if Homer likes kids and his response is “All the time?” He’s clearly not good at this stuff. The guy just frowns and Homer picks up on it and reassures the man that he does indeed like children. He’s hired on the spot, but is then given the bad news that he has to go through Santa training. This takes us to perhaps one of the more enduring scenes from this episode as a room full of men dressed as Santa are robotically belting out “Ho ho ho,” from desks. The laughter, if you want to call it that, is interrupted by Homer raising his hand to ask the trainer (also Shearer, the guy voices almost everyone in this thing) when they get paid. He’s told “Not a dime until Christmas Eve,” and the men in the room resume their “Ho ho ho” routine only with much less enthusiasm.
There aren’t many bullet-headed characters in future episodes.
Next we find Homer in front of the class trying to recall the names of Santa’s reindeer. He gets the first three right, then guesses Nixon, followed by Comet, Cupid, Donna Dixon. The trainer just curtly tells him to sit down. It then cuts to Homer seated with a smile on his face while the trainer sits on his lap. They’re role-playing how a visit with Santa might go, and when the trainer accuses him of being a fake, Homer’s response is to punch him in the face. The trainer prevents him from doing so and gets him to calm down and instructs him that he’s supposed to just lie to get out of such a sticky situation by saying he’s one of Santa’s helpers. Homer reassures himself that he knew that and this is apparently all the training he’s getting.
Even the kids can’t stand them.
Homer enters the house, exhausted, and Marge is there to ask him why he’s seven hours late. He tells her he doesn’t want to talk about it and is heading straight for the tub. I feel like no one does that anymore, or maybe people with fancy tubs or hot tubs do. I, like the Simpsons, have a pretty basic bath tub and I wouldn’t dream of taking a bath in it. Marge tells Homer that her sisters are here which forces a shudder from Homer. He slinks into the living room to say hi while Bart and Lisa are relieved to see their father as it means getting away from the clutches of their aunts. They both latch onto one of his legs as Homer greets the twins doing a very poor job of masking his dislike for them. When he wishes them a “Merry Christmas,” they both sort of snort in response and point out how you can’t tell it’s Christmas in this house because there’s no tree. Homer angrily responds that he was just about to go get one. Bart and Lisa run after him asking if they can tag along, but their father snaps at them with a “No!” before storming out.
Does Homer always keep a chainsaw in his trunk or did he take it from the garage knowing this is how his night was going to end up?
Homer heads out into the night to the tune of “Winter Wonderland.” We see him drive by lot after lot of Christmas trees all with a posted price that is apparently out of his price range. And with good reason, the first one wants $75 a tree. In 1989, $75 was like $180 today and that’s pretty insane for a tree. I think I paid $65 for my tree last year and it was at one of those farms where you pick out your own tree and cut it down. I haven’t bought a lot tree since I was a kid, so I’m not sure if what I do costs more money or less. As Homer drives, he passes other lots and the price is going down, but not by much. The last one we see is advertising slightly irregular trees for $45 that look like something out of a Dr. Seuss book so Homer does the only sensible thing: he sneaks onto someone’s property and cuts his own tree! We just see him as a shadowy figure with the sound of a chainsaw echoing around him. Dogs are unleashed, there’s some gunfire, but Homer escapes unharmed.
It’s never a bad idea to bribe Santa, kid.
Back at home, everyone is impressed with Homer’s tree while Selma points out there’s a birdhouse in it. Homer just says it’s an ornament, but I doubt he’s fooling his sisters-in-law who are at least kind enough to just drop the subject. We end the scene with Patty asking if she smells gun powder. Now, it’s mall time and Homer is in the big guy’s chair! Some little kid (Cartwright) is asking him for a bunch of stuff, but Homer tells him he doesn’t need all of that junk since he probably has a good home and a loving father who would do anything for him. The kid has no response, so Homer just asks him for a bite of his donut. The scene ends with the photographer snapping a picture of Homer Santa taking a very generous bite out of said donut and the kid doesn’t look too happy.
Oh, that Bart!
From a nearby balcony, Bart, Milhouse (Hayden), and Lewis (Cartwright) are all watching this unfold. None of the kids recognize Homer and they’re poking fun at the kids who actually buy into this Santa grift. Bart dares Milhouse, who appears to be dressed in a Santa suit himself, to sit on his lap, but Milhouse counters with a dare for Bart to yank his beard. Bart, not being one to back down, accepts this dare and makes his way towards Santa. When he’s seated on Homer’s lap, Homer lets out a yelp at the sight of his own kid, but then tries to play it cool by asking him his name. This is where we get another classic Bart line of “I’m Bart Simpson, who the Hell are you?” Homer just growls in response, “I’m jolly old Saint Nick.” Bart declares they’ll just see about that as he gives Homer’s beard a tug and we get another picture shot. This time it’s Homer’s beard being pulled down and a shocked Bart realizing who is in costume here.
This is the most awe Bart will ever have for his father.
Homer scoops up his boy in his arms and angrily storms off to a prop house in the back for a little heart-to-heart. Now is when Homer finally comes clean to someone about his lack of a bonus. Bart is actually impressed with his father and points out how low he’s willing to sink to make sure he and the family have a good Christmas. It’s not the nicest phrasing, but Bart’s smile indicates he’s sincere and Homer seems touched. He then heads back out to resume his duty as the big guy, but after saying “Hi” to all of the children he smacks his head on the door frame and utters some mild profanity which seems to alarm some of the mothers nearby.
Not even in 1989 would 13 bucks get you very far.
With the job done, all that is left to do is collect a big, fat, check! Bart apparently decided to spend the rest of the day at his father’s side as he’s joined him in the line for checks with the other Santas. Homer sees this as an opportunity to teach Bart the value of work, but when he’s handed a check for a meager $13 all of that is ruined. He demands of the teller to explain how his pay was only $13 only to find out they deducted things from his pay like the cost of the suit, training, and other stuff. It was supposed to be a check for over 100 bucks which probably would have done a decent job of acquiring gifts in 1989, but 13 bucks won’t get you anything.
Is Barney Gumble the harbinger of miracles to come?!
Homer, defeated, plops down on a couch while Bart suggests they just head home. Then we hear the voice of Barney offscreen overjoyed at receiving a check for “Thirteen big ones!” Homer doesn’t understand why Barney is so happy only to find out that Barney has plans for this money. He’s heading to the dog track where a can’t miss pup by the name of Whirlwind is fixing to turn this 13 bucks into something more. He encourages Homer to come along, but Homer finds the idea of taking his kid to a sleazy dog track on Christmas Eve rather distasteful. This is when Bart chimes in that this is how all of the Christmas miracles in TV happen. Apparently he’s self aware as he lists off some of television’s miracle benefators at Christmas including Tiny Tim, Charlie Brown, and The Smurfs. Homer seems convinced, and I bet a Season 3 Homer would be enthusiastic about following the lessons taught by TV, but this one just asks “Who’s Tiny Tim?” as they head out.
Well it looks like one Simpsons kid is having a pretty swell Christmas, at least.
At the Simpson house, Patty and Selma are present along with Grandpa (Castellaneta) Simpson for Christmas Eve. They’re watching a Christmas special on TV starring the Happy Little Elves, a sort of parody of The Smurfs seldom seen after the first season. Lisa is reacting to the show in earnest fashion while the adults, mostly Grandpa, can’t stand it. It’s then pointed out by Patty that Homer is late and Marge says he told him that he was going caroling with Bart. This then smash cuts to Barney and Bart singing “We’re in the Money” as they make their way into the dog track. Homer still can’t believe he’s doing this, and that feeling only mounts when he gets a look at Whirlwind and declares the dog a scrawny little bag of bones. Bart, who is now wearing Homer’s Santa hat and looking pretty adorable, points out that all of the dogs are scrawny little bags of bones. There’s also a brief exchange between another father and son where the kid asks if they can open their gifts now with the dad retorting “You know the tradition son, not until the 8th race.” It’s hilariously sad.
Bart’s not a very bright kid, but he still may be smarter than his father.
As Barney makes his way to the counter to place his bet, a voice (Shearer) comes over the loudspeaker to announce that number 8 is being replaced with a new dog: Santa’s Little Helper. Homer hears this name and thinks it’s a sign. He expresses his enthusiasm towards Bart who tells his father it’s just a coincidence. Even when they get the odds on the dog, 99 to 1, Homer still isn’t dismayed. He sees it as an opportunity, but Bart informs him that he has a bad feeling about this. Homer basically begs his son to trust in him because it’s all he has and Bart decides to go along so as to spare his father’s feelings. There’s no changing his dad’s mind anyway as he bets it all on Santa’s Little Helper.
Lisa with a very smart defense of her father. If only he could have been there to hear it.
Back at the house, everyone is still watching (and not enjoying) The Happy Little Elves. Well, Lisa is, that is until she overhears her aunt Patty refer to her father as a “doofus.” When she asks her aunt what she said, Patty just nonchalantly informs her that she’s just trashing her father. Lisa then, rather calmly, sticks up for her father, “Well, I wish you wouldn’t, because aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings he is the only father I have. Therefore, he is my model of manhood and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships so I hope that you bare in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me and I am far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts.” Patty has nothing to say aside from “Watch your cartoon, dear.” She put that old bat in her place!
Well, at least they’re only out 13 bucks.
It’s race time down at the track and Homer and Bart are up against the railing to take it all in. Homer encourages Bart to kiss the ticket for good luck and then the dogs are off! The two enthusiastically cheer on their chosen champion until it’s announced that he’s currently in last place, and pretty far back at that. Bart just tries to tell his dad that this is when the miracle happens and the two resume their cheering and are hooting and hollering as…Whirlwind crosses the finish line. Bart is dumbfounded and can only conclude that television has been lying to him. Homer bangs his head on the railing, a terrific use of foley, and then says he doesn’t want to leave until their dog finishes. The shot holds for a solid 3 seconds or so before Homer gives up and says they can leave. That’s probably my favorite joke in the whole episode.
So is Daria a girlfriend? Prostitute? Some random girl Barney met at the track?
Out in the parking lot, Homer and Bart are picking up discarded tickets and hoping to stumble upon an accidentally discarded winner. They’re soon interrupted by Barney who comes driving by in a convertible, on Christmas Eve, in a cold climate. It’s a choice, but he’s in the money! He doesn’t seem to know that Homer didn’t follow his advice as he just asks “What did I tell ya – Whirlwind!” He then burps and says to his lady friend “Let’s go, Daria.” For years, many fans insisted that Barney said “diarrhea” instead of Daria, but once the DVDs came out we could see for certain that he was saying Daria. I, for one, always heard Daria.
Welcome to the family, boy.
With Barney gone and no winning tickets found, Homer and Bart hang their heads and presumably start heading for the car. They then hear shouting as an angry voice declares “You came in last for the last time!” We don’t know it now, but the voice belongs to Les Moore (Azaria) and he’ll return in a future episode. For now, all we need to know about him is that he’s the present owner of Santa’s Little Helper and he no longer wants to be. Bart points the dog out as he races across the parking lot and leaps into Homer’s arms! Bart immediately asks if they can keep him, but Homer is still mad at this dog for coming in last. He starts trying to justify why they shouldn’t keep him, “But he’s a loser! He’s pathetic! He’s…” and then the dog licks him and Homer smiles, “…a Simpson.” Gets me every time.
Always deliver the bad new first.
One last trip to 742 Evergreen Terrace is in order. At this point, Grandpa has fallen asleep, the cartoon is way past over, and Patty and Selma are frothing at the mouth waiting to see what state Homer eventually returns in. Marge is just wondering if she should call the police when the door opens and Homer enters. He announces that he has a confession to make, and Patty and Selma get real excited at this. He starts to detail how he didn’t get his bonus, and that he tried to keep it from ruining their Christmas, but he doesn’t get to finish his sad speech as Bart come bursting in with a “Look what we got!”
Aww, he’s kissing the baby!
It’s Santa’s Little Helper, and basically everyone gets excited at the news. Well, except Patti and Selma who seem disappointed that Homer didn’t fail. Lisa declares that love at first sight is real while Bart adds that if he runs away he’ll be easy to catch. Marge adds a “God bless him” in her husband’s direction and tells him this is the best gift that he could possibly give them. Homer can only respond with “It is?” as Marge explains to him that it’s something to express their love. Lisa then asks what the dog’s name is and Homer says, “Number 8 – I mean, Santa’s Little Helper.” The picture gimmick is used for a third time to make a sort of Simpsons Christmas card that reads “Merry Christmas from The Simpsons” and I just love how even Grandpa looks thrilled about the dog.
It may be corny, but I do enjoy the Christmas card ending.
It’s not over though! As the credits roll, the family gathers around to sing “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” with Grandpa at the piano. Maggie races back and forth on the back of the new family dog while everyone else sings. Bart, in a callback to how this thing started, does the school yard thing of interjecting comments between the verse. “You would even say it glows – like a light bulb!” This angers Homer, and even Lisa gets in on it. Marge tells Homer to take it away and solo the part of Santa Claus asking Rudolph to guide his sleigh, but Homer doesn’t know the words and makes them up, “Rudolph with your nose over here, so you can guide my sleigh…today.” Grandpa adds a disappointed “Oh Homer.” The song finishes with Bart trying to liken Rudolph to Attila the Hun, but he doesn’t finish the line due to his father strangling him, which we don’t actually see as it’s just a shot of the home’s exterior.
Even Patty and Selma look like they’re having a good time.
That’s how the very first Simpsons Christmas special, and very first episode overall, ends. It’s not just a Christmas Special, but a pretty monumental episode of television because The Simpsons has become such a cultural institution over the years. It’s pretty crazy that it all started here. Showrunner Al Jean has floated the idea of whenever it comes time to do a final episode that it should end where this one begins creating one big loop. That would be appropriate for a show that routinely ignores the passage of time and even changes the past to suit the current era. Homer and Marge began the show as baby boomers and are now considered millennials. I can recall being excited when I reached Bart’s age and now I’m Homer’s. That’s nuts!
As Christmas Specials go, this one borrows a little bit from Christmas Vacation. The patriarch, in this case Homer, wants the family to have a great Christmas, but when his company fails to pay out a bonus that’s become an expected part of his income each year it throws a wrench into everything. For Clark Griswald, it manifests as anxiety throughout the film until the big payoff. The problem is then righted by the bonus getting restored, and then some. For Homer, no such miracle occurs, but he at least falls ass backwards into an unwanted dog which serves as the family’s Christmas present that year. We don’t see the kids wake up to an empty tree on Christmas morning, but they can be assumed to have done so. Well, actually Bart got some paper and Maggie a chew toy which I suppose went to Santa’s Little Helper. It’s probably a good thing that the special ends where it does.
Maybe not a miracle, but this one worked out for the Simpsons thanks to this very good boy.
As an episode of The Simpsons, this very early episode contains some of the sarcastic elements we’d find in later seasons, but the pacing is definitely slower. Scene transitions are mostly of the fade in and fade out model and very little of what we see would be deemed outrageous. There are still plenty of hallmarks in place though that will remain so for the show’s duration. Homer tends to respond with violence towards his son and there’s never been any love lost between he and his sisters-in-law. Other stuff is changed though like Ned Flanders being more of a rival to just a true annoyance with a religious component. Principal Skinner is also a rather poor public speaker as he mixes up words and that was going to be a gimmick for him that was dropped. And obviously the overall look of the show has changed quite a bit over the years.
I do love all of the Season One oddities, like this lady with no nose seated behind Marge.
I do love this one, partly because I love The Simpsons, but also because it’s a relatable look at a lower middle class Christmas and how easy it is for the holiday to go wrong. I mentioned how it’s a bit surprising that the show is willing to essentially confirm that Santa isn’t real and that’s because the show became such a hit with children in the months that followed. And the show has never gone back on that either. While the show did avoid Christmas for years after this episode feeling they couldn’t really top it, when the show eventually got back into the Christmas Spirit the subject of Santa was never really addressed. Bart doesn’t see Santa as a way to get Bonestorm, we don’t see evidence of him being there and delivering a fire truck, and so on. And that’s fine, not every show need pander to the children, but it does cross my mind every time I watch this episode with my own kids who are still, just barely, in the believe zone.
If you would like to view this holiday classic this year then the easiest way to do so is via Disney+. The Simpsons is on-demand there and Disney even organizes all of the Christmas episodes in one spot. I believe the show also still airs on FXX or FX which will show all of the Christmas episodes this month. The episode is also part of the fist season which is available on DVD and usually for pretty cheap since it’s no one’s favorite season. There’s also an out of print Simpsons Christmas DVD out there that also usually isn’t too expensive. Society agrees that this one is a classic so getting it on your TV should be rather painless.
Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:
Alvin and the Chipmunks is one of the oldest, family-owned, pieces of intellectual property left in the world. And it might not be for much longer as the franchise is reportedly up-for-sale and has been since last year, but as-of this writing nothing has been agreed upon. The Chipmunks date back to the 1958 novelty…
For December 10, we are returning to the theme of this year which is to revisit the best of the best. When I originally ranked my favorite Christmas specials, I had the recently released It’s a SpongeBob Christmas! ranked at #19. The years have been kind to this throwback Christmas special as last year I…
Come the 1990s, the cartoon juggernaut known as Hanna-Barbera was fading. It’s said the company once had control of approximately 80% of the children’s programming on television and even come 1990 it was still around 20%. The studio’s last big hit had been The Smurfs which set all kinds of Saturday morning records despite few…
We’re back with the fourth, and final, review of the inaugural wave of Super7 Ultimates! from The Simpsons. And today, you’re getting a two for one as we’re looking at two figures: Robot Itchy and Robot Scratchy. This pair hails from the Season 6 episode “Itchy & Scratchy Land” which was one part Westworld and one part Disneyland parody. In it, the titular family takes a trip to the theme park that Bart is dead serious about attending, Itchy & Scratchy Land. Now, this is yet another “controversial” release from Super7 as we’re getting the robotic duo before the more traditional cartoon pair. It’s an odd pull for the first wave of a toyline, but that’s Super7. They zig when others zag. This duo does have the advantage of being another episode specific release and I’m on record as being in favor of that approach. Would I like just a regular Itchy and Scratchy? Sure, but I also get a kick out of these and it’s something different. And ultimately, no pun intended, we have to review the figures for what they are so set aside your beliefs on character selection and join me in taking a deep dive into these two figures.
Super7 basically maximized the space in this box.
Customary episode info on the back. Look at Itchy, isn’t he so cheeky concealing that knife behind his back?
Now, you may think that these two figures share a lot of the same parts. And if you did you would be wrong. I probably could have split them up, but the engineering is essentially the same and they share a lot of accessories, even if the actual figure molds are different. Both figures comes in the same Ultimates! box the others come in with artwork from the show and a little note on where these guys hail from. These two definitely take up a lot more real estate in the box versus their line-mates with only Homer really coming close to that sort of presence. These are pretty big figures with Scratchy being the tallest figure in the line so far. He comes in at around 7.5″ to the top of his head and about 8″ to the tip of his ears. Itchy is 6.5″ to the top of the head and 7.5″ to the top of his ears. What really makes them look big though is their heads which are just massive relative to the other figures. The torso is very boxy as well which adds to the bulk, though they’re not that heavy. That likely owes to the torso being relatively hollow and the legs are quite thin. That’s not to say they’re light or feel cheap, but the weight is definitely not evenly distributed as they both have heavy heads and light bodies.
Of course, you can’t have Itchy without Scratchy.
Even in robot form, Scratchy doesn’t get to inflict much harm upon Itchy.
We’ll start with Itchy first since he always comes first when the duo is brought up. These two figures do not share a single part as far as I can tell. The arms and legs on both figures essentially look the same, but everything about Scratchy is noticeably bigger. Super7 probably could have fudged it and told us to deal with it, but they didn’t and that’s something I definitely appreciate. The heads, like all of the heads in this line, are fully painted. They’re sculpted on gray, but painted over, which gives them a nice finish. Itchy’s really well sculpted. The inner ear is painted purple, the teeth a shiny silver, and the white and red paint on the eyes is very cleanly applied. I like that the pupils are recessed which gives them a nice touch. The nose is also painted a gray-purple. The hair effects are glued in and the only other seems present is the one circling his dome which is part of the design of the character so it’s fine.
Commence with the screaming.
The rest of the figure is, unfortunately, mostly bare plastic. It gives the body a different finish than the head and a far cheaper look. Super7 did paint the bolts on the front of the chest and the abdomen has some of the gray paint applied as well. Unfortunately, the bolts on the side of the figure are not painted. That’s in keeping with the look of the show, but Super7 seemed to decide the front of the figure needed another hit of paint on those bolts so why not do the same with the other bolts? Aside from the lack of paint, the sculpt looks mostly good. The arms look like they could have been bendy arms, but Super7 opted to go in a more traditional manner. This means the articulation lines look a bit off, but they’re not bad and I prefer this route over the bendy arm approach. The sculpt is there, it’s the finish that holds it back.
That’s what makes robots work.
With Scratchy, we pretty much have the same situation. The head is well-painted and well-sculpted. There’s little to no slop or bleeding on the edges and the seems are all really clean. Like Itchy, he has some silver paint apps on the chest with the bolts across the top and this big cap in the middle. His abdomen is not painted, but it’s also not supposed to be so I can’t knock it for that. He’s bigger than Itchy though so the lack of paint anywhere else stands out more. The torso looks especially bland and the larger tail on the figure is practically begging for some shading somewhere. He even has a wheel at the base of his tail, a detail I never noticed until this figure, but it’s not painted so it’s just a lump on his tail. Super7 has a great sculpt here, but they’re letting it down with the lack of paint.
They can handle these weapons okay.
For articulation, we can basically talk about both at once because the engineering is exactly the same. The heads are on a hinged ball peg, but it does almost nothing. The hinge is really tight, but even if you loosen it up, the oversized heads means there’s not really much room for them to do anything except look up. There’s really no tilt or room to look down, but you do get rotation. The hinged shoulders rotate just fine and they can come out to just about horizontal. I could probably force it, but I don’t want to break my toys. At the elbow, we have the standard swivel and hinge combo that won’t get you a 90 degree bend. Their arms are basically tubes so the swivel is useless. The wrists swivel and hinge and the hinge is actually built into the arm so you effectively can hinge the hand in any direction so that’s an added bonus of this slightly unconventional approach. There’s no articulation in the torso, but since it’s a box I wouldn’t expect any. The waist does twist and the hips just swivel forward and back. Because of the design, they kick all the way forward and back, but you get no split articulation. The knees are also just hinges, though they can hinge in both directions as far as you want because there’s no knee cap or anything else to get in the way. The ankles just hinge forward and back, but the range is pretty limited there and there’s no ankle rocker. The tail on each figure can rotate and hinge, though the hinge is fairly limited. Scratchy’s tail essentially functions as a third leg which is nice to have as the leg hinges aren’t the strongest. They’re not loose, but the top-heavy nature of each figure does mean you have to be mindful of how they’re posed or else they might topple over.
Unfortunately, they’re not really cut out for firearms.
When it comes to accessories, these figures are pretty loaded, though we do have a lot of repeat accessories between the two. For starters, both figures come with some extra hands. Itchy has a set of open hands and a set of “gripping” hands. Their hands are a unique design so they’re not traditional at all, but they seem to get the job done. Scratchy has a set of the open hands, but only one hand that I’d call a gripping hand. It’s odd that he didn’t get two of those. Both figures also have an alternate head. As far as I can tell, the alternate head is exactly the same as the standard head, the only difference is they’re not glued at the seems. This is so Itchy can lift the top of his head off to expose his circuits and Scratchy can remove his face to do the same. Both are references to the episode they’re from. And the innards are well-painted and well-sculpted. The pieces fit together pretty well too. I had to work at it initially, but leaving them in place helped to better form-fit them in place. That’s all to say they look exactly the same when assembled so I’m surprised Super7 even bothered with the glued heads. I guess the added cost to the figure is just raw materials since it’s all tooled already, but it’s a surprise all the same. Only one of my pictures (not included the boxed shots) features the default heads as I’d rather keep the ones that separate on them and you should be able to see how well the pieces fit together.
You may need to get a bit creative with the chainsaw.
For the accessories the two do share, we have a tiny arsenal and some rather common implements of destruction associated with the pair. Both come with an oversized, red-brown, mallet. The “gripping” hands work fine with the handles, but two-handed poses are a real challenge. The mallets aren’t painted, but they do have a nice, satin, finish so they look pretty nice. The pair also each come with an axe. They work just as well as the mallet as far as holding things and the axe head is nicely painted with a shiny silver and a red blade. It’s the same as the mallet as far as how it’s handled so it works just as well, and just as bad, I suppose. They also each have a tommy gun, though Scratchy has a hard time holding that one properly and Itchy isn’t much better. You can finagle it into their hands, but not in a realistic manner. I know we’re talking about a cartoon, robot, cat, and mouse, but they should be able to aim the gun. The gun itself is like the mallet in that it’s just plastic, but it has a nice finish so I’m not bothered by the lack of paint. The chainsaw is another accessory that Itchy has an easier time wielding than Scratchy. Neither can wield it particularly well as they just don’t have the clearance in the arms, but it can be fudged a bit more convincingly than the gun. The chainsaw itself has a nice, shiny, paint job on the metallic portion with red on the main housing. It looks nice, though I wish the handle on the top was a bit more pronounced and usable like the handle on the rear, but it’s fine.
The drum hangs too low, but at least it looks nice.
Those are the shared accessories, but both also come with some unique ones as well. For Itchy, he has a wearable drum and two mallets for striking the drum. It looks really nice though. It’s red with gold trim and it’s done rather well. The face of the drum is painted with a light blue and has a cartoon Scratchy head on it that is probably printed, but I suppose could be painted on. Either way, it’s nice and sharp and it definitely catches the eye. The mallets are rather basic, just a beige handle with an oversized, off-white, top. They’re fine and Itchy holds them well so no complaints there. The only thing I don’t like is it hangs a bit lower than I’d like. I wish it could hook onto his torso somehow to sit higher as more than half of the drum sits lower than his crotch. Overall, it looks all right and I think the drum by itself looks great, but it is slightly ruined by the fit.
Sure, the baby axe is cute, but it can’t stand so it’s like petting a cat: What’s the point?
With Scratchy, we get some unique stuff as well. Scratchy has a butcher’s knife which slots well into his “gripping” hand. It has a nice, shiny, blade and looks nice for what it is. I like that it is sized appropriately for the figure and doesn’t look dinky in his hand. I also like that it can be used with Moe or any other figure for that matter. Scratchy also comes with the robot baby axe from the parade scene. It looks like the regular axe only smaller and with painted metallic legs. Unfortunately, Super7 went cheap on this one as the legs are not articulated. And since it’s a straight up and down design for the most part it doesn’t stand well. The legs do not sit flush on a surface so it feels rather pointless as a result, which is a shame because it was a good idea, just poor execution. Lastly, Scratchy comes with what I think will unquestionably be the accessory of the year. I’m, of course, talking about the much in-demand BORT license plate. It’s a simple, white, rectangle with “BORT” sculpted onto it and painted red with Itchy & Scratchy Land on top of the plate. It looks awesome for what it is and it’s a tremendous inclusion as it references one of the best bits to ever appear on an episode of The Simpsons. If I am to nitpick it, it’s not to scale with the figures as the vanity plates in the episode were much smaller, but I don’t care. BORT license plates for everyone!
Behold! The most sought after vanity plate in all existence!
Robot Itchy and Scratchy are pretty much on par with the rest of the line. The sculpts are pretty great, there’s some missing paint apps which detract from the look and the articulation is mediocre at best. The high accessory count, and some fun inclusions, do help add value to the total package which is $55 a piece. These two are a bit interesting in that their sculpts are quite possibly the best in the line so far, but the missing paint on the bodies stands out more to me. I think Super7 did a great job in isolating what made this particular episode of the show so fun. As always, they could have done more like add some blood spraying effects or something (especially in place of the extra head), but the execution isn’t matching the imagination from those who designed the product. The baby axe being a total dud is a bummer and Scratchy only having the one “gripping” hand is an odd choice. I don’t think the gun or chainsaw pose well with the figures, but they also have enough other stuff that it’s not that big of a deal. If they weren’t so expensive, they would work well as army builder figures since there are quite a bit of display options available. And even though the articulation isn’t great, they do match the movements and poses of their animated counterparts better than some of the other figures I’ve received from Super7.
Well, that’s a wrap on Wave One of The Simpsons Ultimates! It’s not without its flaws, but overall I’d call it a success.
Ultimately, pun definitely intended, how much you like this pair will come down to how much you like The Simpsons, how much you like this particular episode, and the design of the two robots. I love the episode, and I find the design of the Itchy and Scratchy robots to be fun, so I like these enough. I think they could be better, and Super7 is pushing it at their current price levels, but I don’t regret the purchase. These are pretty fun, but definitely for a niche audience, so buy accordingly.
Need to catch-up on the rest of The Simpsons Ultimates! from Super7?
Slowly but surely I am clearing out all of the action figure preorders I placed in the year 2021. Of the ones that had been remaining, the line I was most looking forward to experiencing was the line of Super7 Ultimates! based on The Simpsons. It was August of 2021 when these suckers went up…
Our first two looks at the inaugural wave of Ultimates! from Super7 based on The Simpsons have been two very episode specific takes. One was Deep Space Homer from the episode of the same name where Homer went to space and the figure presents the character in his space suit. The second figure was Poochie,…
We’re back with another look at a figure from Super7’s latest wave of Ultimates! based on The Simpsons. And for this one, we’re taking things TO THE EXTREME! That’s right, it’s Poochie, everyone’s favorite rockin’ dog. He’s got attitude to spare and he’s not afraid to show it off. Where would cartoon history be without…
“It’s a Flaming Moe! I’m Moe, I’m the one who invented it!”
Our first two looks at the inaugural wave of Ultimates! from Super7 based on The Simpsons have been two very episode specific takes. One was Deep Space Homer from the episode of the same name where Homer went to space and the figure presents the character in his space suit. The second figure was Poochie, a more-or-less one-off character (yes, I know he’s made cameos since) from a very memorable episode of the show’s last, great, season. Today, we’re getting what one might call a generic release, or an evergreen interpretation of a popular character from the show and that’s the bartender Moe Szyslak. Super7 basically laid it out when the first lineup was announced that they’re not that interested in doing the generic versions of the characters like Homer in his white shirt and blue pants, Marge in her green dress, and so on. At the time, it struck me as a bold decision, but as the line has been announced and the first wave has arrived it’s really started to make sense to me why an episode-specific approach is the way to go. The Simpsons is a show that will hit 800 episodes at the end of it’s current production order. If you’re sitting down to do a character that has appeared in even 100 episodes, let alone 800, it’s really hard to narrow down on how to present that character. However, when you distill that character down to a single episode appearance, well then it becomes more manageable. And ultimately, we remember and identify with the show through it’s most iconic lines, references, and yes, episodes. If I have Homer just standing there on my shelf then cool, it’s Homer. If I have Homer in a space suit, well then I’m thinking of jokes about carbon rods and alien, ant, overlords. It’s more rewarding for me. It’s not without its risks. What if they pick an episode I don’t care about? And even if it’s an episode I do like, there’s still a good chance that there’s an episode I like better. “Homer at the Bat,” “Mr. Plow,” basically any Treehouse appearance – all probably options I’d take over Deep Space Homer.
It’s rare to see Moe look so happy.
Now that’s more like it. Moe like it?
It’s not my toy line though. I’m not making them, and I respect Super7 for laying out their approach early and making what they want. As consumers, we either agree or disagree and vote with our wallets, so let’s talk about Moe, shall we? On the back of the box for each of the first two releases in the wave I noted we got the episode info from which the figure came from. With Moe, it’s episode number 1 “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” because that was his first appearance. However, this figure is not from that episode as early versions of Moe looked a little different from the character he’d become. He had black hair and a pink apron, where as the show ended up settling on a gray-haired look and a blue…well, we’ll get to the apron in a minute. It was probably a good move to adopt this version of Moe for the figure, and it would have just been confusing to not list out his first appearance in this look, but this figure is a solid reminder that Moe has been with us since the beginning.
“Hey! Hey! I may be ugly and hate-filled but, I’ve, umm, what was the third thing you said?”
Moe stands at approximately 6.625″ to the top of his head and just a tick under 7″ to the top of his hair. His default portrait is his neutral expression, which is almost a scowl. I love Moe’s design because it’s very Season One. Following that season, they really didn’t design characters that look like Moe with his sloping forehead and excessive overbite. Like Homer, his head looks to be sculpted in yellow plastic, but also painted over to give it a matte finish. The gray of his hair looks to be a separately molded piece that’s also painted over to preserve that finish. Unlike Homer, his eyes are cleanly painted which is a surprise because they look like they’d be harder to paint than Homer’s, but it’s nice to see there’s no slop and bleeding edges. The neck is part of the head sculpt and it’s secured inside the shirt so there’s a nice seamless approach to whole situation up there. It’s exactly the approach I wanted from Super7, but wasn’t sure they’d actually take, so I’m very pleased here.
I don’t like how they did the shoulders which actually doesn’t look as bad under the harsh lighting here as it does in hand.
At the torso, we switch to the more traditional colored plastic with little to no paint approach we’re used to with Super7. Moe’s light blue shirt is all molded plastic with no paint hits. The only paint is the navy blue bowtie. The sleeves are where things threaten to go off the rails a bit. The entire arm, including the sleeve, is molded in yellow and the sleeves are painted blue. Super7 did a good job of matching the shade of blue to the torso, but what they didn’t do well is actually cover-up all of the yellow. For some reason, and it seems to be fairly consistent with other Moe figures, the right shoulder has some yellow peeking through at the hinge. And it even mixes a bit with the blue to leave a greenish hue there and it’s unsightly. Why didn’t they just do the sleeve and the arm in two pieces? We’ll get to it in the articulation, but they could have just plugged the bicep into the sleeve and it would have allowed them to mold the sleeve in blue. I can’t imagine they couldn’t have fit such a small piece onto the same mold as the torso so it’s really puzzling why this approach was taken. It’s less of an issue with the left shoulder, for some reason, though that one has a scuff on it. It feels like an unforced error and it’s one of those oversights that makes you wonder what the approach is when they’re planning these out? The rest of the aesthetics are mostly fine. The pants are molded in a slate gray with a clear coat applied to take the shine off, though there’s portions where the stuff didn’t quite take so he has some shiny spots. The feet are a darker gray with a stripe of white paint for the socks. It’s not super clean, but it’s in a tight spot and not plainly visible. The bare portions of the arms are just molded plastic without any sort of a coating and they, unfortunately, are rather shiny. It’s a bit frustrating when most of the figure is matte, save for one obvious place.
So he has this crate that can kind of fake being a bar, but his look is definitely missing something that should be pretty obvious to fans of the show.
Despite some of these shortcomings, overall Moe looks like, well, Moe! He’s very onmodel and I think they nailed the likeness. The only thing missing is the apron. Where’s Moe’s apron?! He rarely is shown in this attire without it. I guess this is Moe reading to the homeless, or it would be if he had his copy of Little Women. The figure was solicited with a soft goods apron, and according to Super7, it was a screw up on their end. They didn’t go into specifics so we don’t know exactly what happened. I’m guessing soft goods are handled by a separate facility and shipped to the factory for packaging. Either they got there and were overlooked by the factory, or maybe they were late and Super7 decided to ship them anyway. The line was already quite behind schedule so I can see not wanting to hold things up for an apron, but it is pretty essential to the character’s look. Apparently there’s nothing to fear though as Super7 has said the aprons are on the way to their warehouse, and once in hand, they’ll ship them to everyone who ordered a Moe through them. For those who ordered the figure elsewhere, you’re encouraged to reach out with proof of purchase to get added to a list. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened with a Super7 release so I’m not concerned about them not upholding their end of the bargain. We just have to wait, and once in-hand, I’ll update this review accordingly (and I did, just skip ahead to the end if you want to hear about the apron).
Also missing is the bug from the pickled eggs jar, but I think we can forgive them for that one. Or should Super7 mail everyone a tiny spider?
With that out of the way, let’s get to the low point of the review: articulation. Homer was pretty limited, and Poochie rather poor in this department, so I’m not expecting much out of Moe. In his favor, Moe has a pretty simple design so getting basic articulation shouldn’t be an issue, but it seems this is always an adventure with Super7. Moe’s head is on a double-ball peg which connects at the base of the neck. He can rotate, but his stooped posture means it’s not really a side-to-side rotation. He can’t look to the side without also looking up. He can look down okay, but he can’t look up from a straight-ahead position. He does get some nice nuance posing, and the rotation feels nice and smooth. At the shoulders, things get a bit weird. He can raise his arms out to the side just past horizontal, so that’s good. His arms though are pinned in at an angle, so he can’t rotate all the way around freely. It’s the weirdest thing. I’ve never had a modern figure fight me at the shoulder like this one does. You can force the issue, but it feels like I’m doing something the figure doesn’t want me to do. At the bicep, we have nothing. I mentioned it in the aesthetics, but it’s odd they didn’t just peg the arm into the sleeve to get a swivel there. At the elbow, we do have a swivel and it works okay. The single hinge can hit 90 degrees and it can even bend back a little, which is weird and probably not useful, but I figured I’d mention it. The wrists swivel and hinge horizontally and they’re fine.
For those not into the hate-filled and suicidal side of Moe, we have this headsculpt!
In the torso, we get the diaphragm joint that Super7 has been trying to implement for a few waves now. And here, it’s like most of their attempts in that it’s not particularly functional. Moe can rotate, but there’s no forward and back and no side-to-side either. There’s a waist twist below that which feels redundant. If they can’t do anything with the diaphragm joint, then why have it? It just breaks up the sculpt. I’m more than willing to sacrifice a small amount of sculpt to get articulation there, but if Super7 can’t figure it out then don’t bother because Moe is not a character that needs rotation there when he has rotation at the waist. With the apron, this will matter less. At the hips, we have ball and socket joints that let Moe damn near hit a split, so that’s great. He can’t kick forward all the way, but probably enough for Moe. There’s no range going back, and there’s really no thigh swivel. We get a tiny bit at the joint, but not enough to be considered a true point of articulation. The single-hinged knees can almost hit a 90 degree bend. There is a swivel there, but as we saw with Poochie, Super7 is using a rounded cut to try to hide the articulation a bit more and it basically kills the range on the swivel rendering it useless. It’s not really needed anyway since he has a swivel at the ankle and a hinge. The hinge goes back a bit, but has no range forward. And like Homer, there’s no ankle rocker. Why?! Why get rid of that?
And for everyone else, we have this beautiful face!
So the articulation isn’t great. Is it better than Homer and Poochie? I guess? His design is so simple that it makes the range on most of the joints work better and Super7 largely avoided any unsightly joints. It could still be better though and I have no idea why they did the shoulders the way they did. I’m guessing there just wasn’t room because of how low his head sits in the body so they angled the pins, but it sucks. The diaphragm joint is useless and the ankles are terrible. He can only handle the most basic and vanilla of poses. As was the case with the others, you will need the accessories to sell the scene if you’re trying to recreate something because the figure just isn’t capable of a whole lot.
“As usual, a knife-wielding maniac has shown us the way.”
And with Moe, the accessories are going to be an issue. Not really that any are bad, but that there’s just so much he could have come with that it’s almost impossible for Super7 to please everybody. Even if you’re happy with what he does have, there’s probably something you miss or would have swapped in favor of something else, but let’s get into it and discuss that after. For hands, Moe is pretty well stocked as he has a set of fists hands, gripping hands, pointing hands, and relaxed hands. As was the case with the other two, the fists might be the most useless while the others are plenty useful. It would have been nice to get at least one trigger-finger hand since Moe is fond of robbing people. He doesn’t come with any guns, but other figures do. For heads, we have the stoic head he comes bundled with plus his smiling head from the Duff calendar shoot. It’s well painted, especially the eyes, and well sculpted, but not something I’ll ever display. The other head is his ugly, raging, screaming, head and it too is well sculpted and well painted.They even captured his missing tooth which I think Matt Groening hates, if I’m not mistaken, and is something the show phased out over the years. This is Moe at his most ugly and hate-filled and a true contender for shelf material.
“You jerks haven’t paid your tab! Out!”
“And you freaks can beat it too!”
To go along with the raging head we get Moe’s phone. Everyone remembers Bart’s crank calls from the early years of the show that always sent Moe into a rage. The phone is sculpted all in red plastic with a white number pad that oddly only features 9 digits (that could very well be true to the show). The cord is flexible and the receiver slots in nice and tight on the base. I have a few phone accessories from other companies, and this one is every bit as good as those. Moe can hold the receiver with either the relaxed hand or for a tighter grasp, the gripping hand. Moe also has his trusty wash rag which he can either grip or have dangle off the ends of the fingers on his relaxed hands. It’s not soft goods and looks fine. Moe also comes with a mug of his signature drink: The Flaming Moe. Or is it the Flaming Homer? Since it comes with Moe, I guess he won. It’s done in translucent plastic with a purple insert to represent the beverage and then streaming from the top is translucent orange plastic for the flaming effect the drink is known for. What’s missing is “Moe’s” from the mug which is often featured on the mugs from his bar but the neat thing is the insert is removable so it can be an empty. It’s cool though and it’s an accessory I’ve been displaying with Homer more than Moe. We also get a jar of pickled eggs, because you need these onhand just in case Aerosmith is in your bar or you need to draw eggs to determine a designated driver. No black egg is visible, but the jar looks good using translucent, green, plastic with molded eggs inside. I wish they had filled it with something to better make it look like the eggs are actually in a liquid, but it’s fine. It’s also missing the bug which was in the solicitation, but I guess it either wasn’t worth the price/effort or the factory missed it. Everyone is demanding to know where’s Moe’s apron, well I want to know where is the bug?!
“Aww crap, they’re onto us! Out! Out!”
The last accessory is the most “out there” and it’s the panda from the episode “Cape Feare.” Lisa accuses Moe of sending Bart threatening letters, but she doesn’t actually say what she’s accusing him of, and Moe thinks she’s threatening to blow open his exotic animal smuggling ring. This prompts Moe to release a bunch of pandas from his bar and we get a panda and crate to mark that episode. The crate is pretty damn big, roughly 3 x 5 x 2.875″ and it’s made out of sculpted, brown, plastic, with a silver plastic front that latches. Dangling from that is a padlock which doesn’t do anything, but looks nice. On the side is an “up” arrow and some Chinese characters from the show which allegedly say something to the effect of “This side up.” I say allegedly only because I can’t verify that for myself on account of the fact that I can’t read these. And for inside the crate we have a panda. It’s a simply articulated figure that has a ball-jointed head and swivels at each leg. The head can look up and swivel, but gets very little side-to-side and no range looking down. The leg swivels are pretty useless and this figure is more of a slug figure than anything, but it didn’t need to be anything special. The little paint in use is applied cleanly and the panda looks cute.
“Aww, don’t get on the box!”
That’s a substantial spread of accessories for Moe, and the crate and panda contain a lot of plastic on their own. Still, hard not to think about what could have been? I like the panda, but I look at that crate and think maybe we should have just got what Moe is most associated with – his bar! A little bar display to put the figure behind would have been awesome. Or maybe instead of the panda and crate we could have got the love tester? I’d have made that change, but it’s not my company. And we’re also missing the most obvious – beer! No bottles of duff or even Red Tick Beer? Some extra mugs or spilled beer effects would have been cool, though probably would have needed a bar to be on. We are getting a Duffman in Wave Two so I guess we’ll get some beer then, though it remains to be seen if any of the cans on his belt are removable. I still think a chunk of the bar made way more sense than the panda and his crate and it would setup to get a Barney who could have come with a barstool. Or a tap. It just feels like there’s no forward thinking with Super7, especially with this line. I want to see logical pairs in the character selection, but we get Moe Wave One with no Barney (I guess Duffman is a Moe-adjacent character) in sight. Krusty is in Wave Two, but no Mel or Sideshow Bob has been announced. Burns is in Wave Three, but no Smithers in the just announced Wave Four which also is the fourth wave to not feature a female character. That’s legitimately shocking as Super7 has said in the past they prioritize diversity where they can specifically sighting wanting to have a female in every wave of their Power Rangers line. To have four announced waves from The Simpsons without even one of the female leads getting a figure (Homer is getting his second figure in Wave Four) seems to fly in the face of that. Not to mention there are a bunch of other contenders for figures that happen to be female that they’ve chosen to overlook thus far.
I suppose that’s a topic for another day, for now, we have Moe. Moe has the distinction of being the first of the generic, all-purpose, releases in the line and I think he excels where we would expect and comes up short where we would expect. The missing apron is a bummer as I think it will complete the look of the character, but in terms of sculpt, Moe is great. I have some nitpicks with the paint, and we could debate the accessory selection forever. The same is even true for the alternate portraits. I love the screaming head, but not the smile. Would I want something else? Of course, but I can’t deny the smile is done well and maybe someone else will get more use out of it than me. For me, Moe is likely to scream into his phone for all eternity, but I may occasionally swap to the stoic head when it suits me. And that brings us to the final part of the review – the price. Moe retails for $55 and if you think that’s too much well I can’t really disagree. It’s a lot for a figure like this, but I do feel like Moe comes the closest to justifying the price based on how he turned out and how much stuff he comes with. Others are free to disagree and it’s hard to give a full-throated endorsement when so many retailers have been heavily discounting Super7 Ultimates!, but for me, a big Simpsons fan, I’m happy with this figure and happy to have him. Now just give me Duffman so he has some beer to serve.
Moe can now be fully clothed and still angry.
UPDATE – On June 12th, I finally received Moe’s apron direct from Super7. It’s a simple, fabric, garment with Velcro at the back for the main portion of the apron and for each shoulder strap. It definitely took longer to get here than Super7 initially estimated as it didn’t actually ship until May 31st and then took quite awhile to reach me. It took so long that I had actually reached out to Super7 on the 9th of June to inquire if it had been sent yet and received a response that said “You should have received it by now, we’ll initiate another,” so even they basically thought it wasn’t coming. At any rate, it’s here and Moe does look much better with it on than without. Do the soft goods clash with the otherwise all plastic design? Yeah, a bit, but this is probably better than a plastic apron which would have little to no give. It’s fine, and even though it took awhile, at least it’s here and Super7 took care of the problem which is all one can ask for from a company when something goes wrong.
We’re back with another look at a figure from Super7’s latest wave of Ultimates! based on The Simpsons. And for this one, we’re taking things TO THE EXTREME! That’s right, it’s Poochie, everyone’s favorite rockin’ dog. He’s got attitude to spare and he’s not afraid to show it off. Where would cartoon history be without…
Slowly but surely I am clearing out all of the action figure preorders I placed in the year 2021. Of the ones that had been remaining, the line I was most looking forward to experiencing was the line of Super7 Ultimates! based on The Simpsons. It was August of 2021 when these suckers went up…
Wednesday, August 18th, ended up being quite an eventful little day in the world of toy collecting. There were some reveals from major toy companies, leaks, and even those long neglected Street Sharks fans got something to get excited about late in the day. Personally, it was a good day for me too as I…
We’re back with another look at a figure from Super7’s latest wave of Ultimates! based on The Simpsons. And for this one, we’re taking things TO THE EXTREME! That’s right, it’s Poochie, everyone’s favorite rockin’ dog. He’s got attitude to spare and he’s not afraid to show it off. Where would cartoon history be without Poochie? That’s actually a serious question. The joke of the episode “The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show” is that Poochie is the type of character shows introduce when things are getting stale, the audience is getting bored, and some network executive has a master plan to re-engage the audience. It’s happened in the real world, and The Simpsons poked fun at it with Poochie and via Roy, the joke character added to the family in the same episode. It arrived during Season 8 which was show-run by Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein. Oakley has explained via the podcast Talking Simpsons that basically everyone on the show around that time thought it was going to end very soon. Animated sitcoms, or animated shows in general, don’t typically go past 100 episodes which The Simpsons had done by then. To basically have fun while the thing flamed out, Oakley and Weinstein set out to “break” the show in some respects by doing these ludicrous episodes. It created some wonderful television via the episode Poochie is from or the frequently memed “22 Short Films About Springfield” episode. It was less successful with “The Principal and the Pauper,” but we don’t need to get into that one.
He’s so in my face!
Because of the episode’s popularity, Poochie is a pretty well known character and the character’s name is basically short-form to explain the concept of a late addition character to a failing show, even though the phenomenon predates Poochie by decades. For casual fans of The Simpsons, maybe it’s a surprise to see Poochie in wave one of a new action figure line, but for a Simpsons diehard like myself it makes perfect sense. Especially considering Super7’s approach to its licensed properties which is often just “We’re going to make our favorite characters because it’s our company and our decision.” That approach can sometimes bite them in the butt, and maybe it will with The Simpsons since they’ve decided not to do standard versions of the family for now, but in this case I’m totally fine with getting a Poochie figure in wave one. He’s as good as a fireworks factory, as far as I’m concerned.
Just try not to get smashed in the face with attitude – you can’t!
Poochie comes in the standard Super7 Ultimates! styled box and, like Deep Space Homer, we get the episode info on the rear of the inner box. Poochie himself is depicted as he was in the show-within-a-show The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show. This means he has a leather jacket, magenta hat, and blue shorts. This differs from his concept art in the episode and some of the marketing images of the character from the episode (and box art for this figure) where he wore jeans and a flannel. It’s funny how that image of Poochie is the one that first comes to mind for me, even though he was depicted very differently when the family was properly introduced to the character via the cartoon. I think I personally like the flannel look to the character as it’s more 90’s to me. The jacketed look screams “The Fonz” and is slightly out of place, though Poochie’s facial hair and hat tie it together. Despite that, I am good with Super7’s decision to go with this version of Poochie as all of his accessories are going to come from his debut cartoon and would be slightly out place with the other design. It’s just too bad the designs were so different that Super7 couldn’t get both looks into a single figure, but that would basically require an entire second figure.
Hey! I hear you guys like boxes!
There is a part of me that wishes we got flannel Poochie. And a set of crossed arms.
Out of the box, Poochie stands at around 5.5″ to the top of his head. This makes him the shortest figure in this first wave and it remains to be seen if the upcoming Bartman will be shorter or not. It’s an odd character to figure for scale since he isn’t a living person in Springfield. About the only scale we have is from the Treehouse of Horror IX segment “The Terror of Tiny Toon” where Bart and Lisa enter an episode of the show. At the end, Itchy and Scratchy emerge from the TV and they’re basically the size of an actual mouse and cat compared with the Simpson family. I suppose Poochie could have been sized as a dog, but it’s not like those Treehouse segments are canon so Super7 just made an executive decision and sized him as he is and I’m fine with it. He only needs to scale with Itchy and Scratchy, assuming Super7 ever makes them.
The scale seems fine with Poochie. He doesn’t technically exist in the same world as the regular occupants of Springfield.
Now, as far as sculpt goes, Poochie looks pretty on-model. He’s a little rounder than he probably should be, but the round dimensions fit the Simpsons overall aesthetic. I do think he should have been slimmer, but it’s not a dealbreaker for me. The portrait is what’s important and his default smile looks nice. Like Homer, his head is sculpted in the appropriate color for his fur, orange, but also painted over to give it a matte appearance. It does contrast a bit with the hands which are bare plastic, but I can understand not wanting to paint hands. The other portions of the head are very clean and I think it’s because we’re dealing with a lot of separate pieces glued together. The paint on the sunglasses is clean as is the nose and goatee. If there’s any paint on the hat, ears, or hair it’s also cleanly applied, though I think we may be dealing with just colored plastic for the black portions. The torso looks to be molded in gray with a clear coat applied to give it a matte appearance. The zippers and white shirt underneath the jacket are painted and done well. The teal fannypack is a separate piece and is a floating belt held on just by pressure, which I do have some concerns about loosening over time. For now, it looks good and stays in place. The lower half is molded in blue and the exposed ankles are painted. It’s really the only part of the figure where the paint gets a bit sloppy, but it’s only noticeable when looking at the figure from below and the orange overrun can be seen on the cuffs of the pants. The sneakers are done rather neatly and overall I’d say he’s a pretty sharp looking figure. If the proportions were just a little more screen-accurate I’d call him damn near perfect. As is, he’s more “very good” as opposed to “excellent.”
He’s quite a bit shorter and chunkier than an average sized Marvel Legends figure and a great deal bigger overall than a smaller scaled line like Plunderlings.
With Homer, the main area of disappointment was the articulation. I think that’s going to be a weakness for the line just given the designs, but I’m hoping for a little better with Poochie who, despite being a dog, should be pretty informative for where the line is going. He has the usual double-ball for the head and he actually get to pair that with a ball-joint at the base of the neck. He rotates well, but the ears get in the way. To get him to look up, you basically have to turn his head to the side so the ears can clear the shoulders. He looks down well, but only gets a minimal amount of tilt when turning his head to the side. Super7 could have put the ears on hinges, or made them softer, but I don’t blame them for not wanting to sacrifice some of the look to get a little added range here. At the shoulders, Poochie can raise his arms out to the side just fine. His arms can’t be positioned perfectly straight though and the single-jointed elbow gives only mediocre range, less than 90 degrees when fully bent. They do swivel there, but lack a true biceps swivel and the shape of the cut makes them cumbersome to fuss with. The hands rotate and hinge in a horizontal fashion. He does feature a waist twist, but it’s more like a pivot as he can’t go very far unless you really want to force it. If this were a free sample I might try that, but since I paid $55 for him I’m not going to push it. The tail is on a ball and hinge and works better than most Super7 tails I’ve encountered. At the hips, we have more ball and socket joints, but the roundness of the lower half and the position of the pegs means he can’t come anywhere close to a split. I don’t know if he even quite hits 45 degrees there. The legs don’t kick forward much, or back, and at the knees we get the single hinge and swivel combo. The cut for the hinge is weird and rounded off so the swivel really doesn’t look good unless it’s in a neutral position. It’s basically the same issue at the elbows. The hinge at least gets close to 90 degrees with the bend, though there’s basically no thigh swivel at the ball joint. The ankles are hinged, but the sneakers prevent much in the way of functional articulation. His foot can go back a little, but not forward at all. There is an ankle rocker, but again, the shape of the sneaker prevents much movement.
The limited articulation and lack of peg holes on the board means he’ll struggle to “surf.”
This is a line I’m not expecting much out of when it comes to articulation, but is it enough with Poochie? In some ways, he’s actually worse than Homer which I didn’t anticipate. They kind of botched the lower half, and where I’m happy about the sacrifices they didn’t make at the head to get more range in, I feel the opposite about the legs. I think they could have done better at the knees and probably should have engineered the feet in a way that produces a better ankle rocker. This guy does come with skateboard and surfboard accessories so having solid range at the ankles is rather important, but they opted not to really try. And it’s weird for as round as he is that his waist twist isn’t better. Which brings me back to the question of “Is it enough?” It’s close, but considering Poochie has some pretty memorable poses from his brief appearances in the show that this figure can’t duplicate, I’m going to have to side with “No.” I don’t think it kills the figure, but it should be better.
At least the board looks nice.
The area the figures in this line are relying on to cover up those articulation shortcomings will be the accessory loadout. Poochie has quite a bit. Some of it is a bit ridiculous, but that’s Poochie. What’s he going to do with a surfboard – I don’t know, but he needs it! And he has one – a big, purple, surfboard. Interestingly enough, this is the third surfboard I have from Super7 and it’s the third unique sculpt. The boards that came with Optimus Prime and Michelangelo aren’t that different, so I’m a little surprised they didn’t reuse one, but credit to them. Or maybe they’re dumb for not doing so and saving a few bucks – I don’t know. Like those two boards though, this one doesn’t have a stand so the presence of the fin on the underside means it’s not very functional. And unlike Prime and Mikey’s boards, there are no pegs on this one so it’s the worst performing of the three. Poochie will do better holding it than he will riding it. And I suppose that’s what he does in the show because Poochie is a poseur – he’s probably never surfed in his life! He can be posed standing beside it with the board placed in a vertical position, but his limited articulation means he can’t carry it under an arm like he did in the show.
Super7 has had a lot of practice when it comes to surfboards.
“Hey Prime! Your board sucks! Ha! I’m so in your face!”
If the waves aren’t your style, there’s also a skateboard. It’s orange, and kind of stubby looking, but it does feature real wheels if that matters to you. It has a peg on it so he can stand on it relatively easy and even do some one-footed poses, so that’s nice. He also has his flying V guitar which is done in a teal that matches his shoes and is well-painted. He doesn’t hold it all that well, but it can be faked a bit. To interact with these various objects, Poochie has some extra hands. He comes with fists in the box, which admittedly aren’t very useful for a character like this, but they can be swapped out with a set of relaxed hands, gripping hands, and “Peace” sign hands. The relaxed hands have the thumb positioned under the hand and not out to the side, so they can function as a loose gripping hand and works well with the guitar. The standard gripping hands are more appreciated than the fists, but surprisingly not that useful. You don’t need them for the guitar, and they’re a little tight for the surfboard. They’re more useful if you want Poochie to hold something that doesn’t come in his box. Poochie also has two extra heads: a smile in which his teeth are visible, and an open mouth. The paint is clean across all three heads, though the open mouth head doesn’t feature any paint inside the mouth so he just has an orange lump where his tongue should be. It’s a different look too as the snout is very round on that head, but flatter on the other two. It’s okay, but far and away my favorite of the three is the smile baring teeth. It’s also a shame none of the heads do anything with his ears so there’s no windswept look to pair with either board which feels like a real miss. Swapping heads isn’t too bad, but swapping hands on this guy sucks. The hands are recessed quite far into his sleeves so getting those fists out was a pain. I had to heat the forearms to loosen them and it was still a challenge. The other hands are much easier to get out since there’s more to grip, but I don’t think I’ll ever put those fists back in after this review is concluded.
Note: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet.
Poochie is a solid release in this inaugural line of figures from The Simpsons and Super7. As an accurate depiction of the source material, I think Poochie isn’t quite as good as Deep Space Homer. His body is a touch off-model and his posing isn’t what it should be. Plus he has some shortcomings with the accessories that shouldn’t be. Does that make Poochie a bad release? No, because the likeness is good enough, the paint is good enough, and it has that fun factor that really only a Poochie figure could have. I can look at this thing standing on my shelf and have my head bombarded with lines from the show. In that, it’s a success. Is it a $55 success? That’s where Super7 is always going to find the sledding tough. We’re talking about a 5.5″ action figure with limited articulation and just an average amount of paint hits. It’s a tough sell no matter how you look at it. I do like the feel of Poochie a bit better than Homer who had a very light feel to him despite being rather chunky. This figure is solid with good heft and the matte applications and color combination of the design help it pop like a figure based on an animated show should. I’m a pretty big fan of the show and the episode Poochie hails from, so for me, I’m content with the purchase. Casual fans may need to approach with more caution.
Slowly but surely I am clearing out all of the action figure preorders I placed in the year 2021. Of the ones that had been remaining, the line I was most looking forward to experiencing was the line of Super7 Ultimates! based on The Simpsons. It was August of 2021 when these suckers went up…
Wednesday, August 18th, ended up being quite an eventful little day in the world of toy collecting. There were some reveals from major toy companies, leaks, and even those long neglected Street Sharks fans got something to get excited about late in the day. Personally, it was a good day for me too as I…
Last year, Lego released its first set and series of mini figures styled after The Simpsons, the animated institution that has anchored Fox’s Sunday Night lineup longer than Justin Bieber’s been alive. Debate the merits of the program’s more recent seasons all you want, but it couldn’t diminish my curiosity for a set of Legos…
He has arrived from the far reaches of space. At least, I think he did since it took him awhile to get here.
Slowly but surely I am clearing out all of the action figure preorders I placed in the year 2021. Of the ones that had been remaining, the line I was most looking forward to experiencing was the line of Super7 Ultimates! based on The Simpsons. It was August of 2021 when these suckers went up for pre-order and I was pretty damn excited to see someone making new figures for The Simpsons. The Playmates World of Springfield line from the late 90s and early 2000s was never my cup of tea while the stuff McFarlane did was more diorama based than action figures. I had experience with Super7, and while some of that was good and some not as good, it felt like a property they could handle. To show my support, I preordered that entire first wave direct from Super7 which meant paying upfront, paying a lot for shipping, and enduring a lengthy wait. I wanted to make sure they knew at least one person out there was really excited for The Simpsons, and at long last, my toys have been delivered.
Super7 always has great packaging, but this is probably my favorite as it’s both attractive and useful as a reference.
Up first is Deep Space Homer which is a version of Homer Simpson based on the episode of the same name. If you needed a refresher, Super7 has you covered since they put that information right on the box which includes information on which season this figure is from, the episode number for that season, and the original air date (this episode is almost 29 years old which makes me feel rather old). The box and packaging is standard Super7, but since this is a new line I can mention it in greater detail. The slipcover is a cloudy blue sky with the logo for the show embossed on the front. On the rear is a character image of Homer floating in space and it’s very well done. The interior box continues with the cloudy sky theme and includes another image of Homer on the back plus all of the episode info I mentioned before. The front is where our window lies and the rear insert inside the box features the portraits of many of Springfield’s finest. It’s very well done and it presents the figure well so if you’re an in-box collector this should make you pretty happy. Though I don’t know how in-box collectors display these – with or without the slipcover? I’m guessing they don’t bother with the brown shipper box they come in, or maybe they do? I can’t pretend to understand the ways of the in-box collector.
Space: where no Simpson has gone before.
Homer is fairly easy to remove from the packaging without causing any permanent damage to the box. Unfortunately, Super7 has switched to those annoying tie-downs that NECA often uses which need to be snipped in order to get the figure out. Usually, they just use the blister alone to keep the figure in place with usually one twist-tie, but this entire wave of Simpsons figures all used these clear, plastic, things that I hate. Once he’s out, Homer stands right around 7″ to the top of his dome, not including his two hairs above that. He’s probably going to be the character everyone is designed to scale around so putting him right at that 7″ mark feels appropriate. He’s a pretty chunky figure given that he’s wearing a spacesuit. My main concern when Super7 announced this line was how the unique yellow complexion would be handled. With Homer, only his head features visible skin on account of the space suit and for his head it appears that they cast it in yellow, but then painted over it with more yellow to give it a matte finish. And it looks good! His muzzle looks to be a separate piece that is glued in. It could be cast in yellow, or it could be cast in brown, or any color really, but it’s also painted and the finish is nice. The eyes are just painted over the plastic and they’re just okay. The edges are not very clean as the white bleeds onto the flesh at the edge. Will it be noticeable on a shelf? No, but it could have been better. I’m left to wonder if maybe a black outline around the eyes could have solved this issue while also adding a little more pop to the look? It’s just as likely that they would have looked bad that way too and I’m not brave enough to paint them on myself to find out. The black line for the spiky bit of hair that goes around his head is pretty clean, and for the two hairs on top of his head Super7 used black, plastic, wire. It looks really good and it seems pretty secure too.
Little details like this are why Super7’s episode specific approach works best.
For the body, Super7 basically just went with white plastic. It has a pretty matte appearance so it looks rather nice. The body appears to be unpainted, but the limbs have a layer of white paint applied. It’s most notable at the joints, but it’s likely what is helping to achieve this look. He has a tiny American flag on his left shoulder and a NASA logo on the right (did they have to pay for that?) and both appear to be decals. The zipper on the front of the suit is really nicely done in a chrome-like silver and the logo on the chest is cleanly applied. The only somewhat sloppy bits are the blue trim at the neck, wrists, and ankles. There’s some blue bleeding onto the top of my figure’s suit from the neck, and as was the case with the eyes, it’s just not a very clean line at the ankles and wrists. It sticks out a little more too since we’re talking blue on white whereas the yellow overpowers the white around the eyes a bit when standing at a distance. The space helmet, which just pops on and off and is held on by pressure, is fairly clean. It looks like they used a white acrylic for the rear, and a clear for the front and painted white onto the clear portion. It looks a little different as a result, but it’s on the top of the dome and not that noticeable. The interior is painted for the blue trim at the base which you have to be mindful of when putting it on and off as paint could rub off onto the figure’s head which wouldn’t look very good. I assume the yellow could also potentially rub off onto the clear helmet too.
I bet you can hear these images.
To complete Homer’s look from the episode, Super7 went with three distinct portraits. The default one is a pretty stoic expression, but on the rear of the figure is written in black ink “Insert Brain Here” which was a prank the guys played on Homer in the episode. It’s amusing, but the actual expression on Homer’s face is just too plain. Too boring. I would have preferred a smile, or better yet, Super7 could have made his muzzle swappable to get a bunch of expressions into the box. I’m curious if they tried that out or not during the planning stage. Homer’s next expression is a more quizzical look. He’s making an “Ooo” face, or I suppose it could be played off as a whistle. It’s a good expression though because I can “hear” it when I look at it. His third expression is probably the most fun as he has an open mouth and his head is tilted back. This is to imitate Homer floating after the wayward potato chips from the episode and it’s the look I’m guessing many will utilize. The space helmet can fit over all of the heads, though it’s a little tricky with the opened mouth head and I probably wouldn’t bother with it for that one. Swapping the heads wasn’t as easy as I’d like it to be. The hole on the default head is noticeably larger than either extra head so I just went ahead and applied hot water to each before putting it on. That seemed to work fine as the soft plastic snaps in place rather easily. They unfortunately don’t go right back on after doing that so I may have to heat them each time I wish to change a head.
“Mmm…salt…”
Because we need to know how ants behave in space.
Homer has some other stuff to round out his look from the episode. I know a lot of people want Super7 to just make standard versions of the Simpson family, but by being so episode specific it does help to narrow down the accessories. For Homer, we get the ever important inanimate carbon rod. It’s a green cylinder of plastic that also glows in the dark. In Rod we trust! We also get a bag of potato chips – ruffled. The logo could have been applied to the red bag a little better as the red bleeds through the white, but it’s fine. To go with that are seven individual chips. They’re actually fully painted so I’m curious what color the plastic is underneath (probably yellow) and they look pretty convincing. Homer can hold them, or you can pile them into the open mouth head. Homer also comes with the ant colony from the episode, before he smashes into it. The paint inside it is transparent, sort of like stained glass, and tiny ants are visible. It’s pretty neat and I wonder how expensive this silly, little, thing was. It can also stand on its own which is nice. To interact with these things, Homer has three sets of hands: fists, tight grip, and loose grip. His hands are cast in gray plastic so there’s less chance of paint rub with his accessories. The tight gripping hands can hold the chips between the thumb and index finger and they can also pinch the top of the potato chips bag. The loose hands aren’t really needed for much, basically just the ant farm if you want Homer to hold it. They do come in handy though if you want Homer to enjoy a nice Flaming Homer if you happen to have Moe. Or is it a Flaming Moe since it came with Moe?
In Rod we trust!
Careful! They’re ruffled!
You probably only need to take one look at this Homer figure to know that the articulation isn’t going to be impressive. And it’s not, but we have to talk about it. The head is on a double-ball peg, though the lower ball doesn’t have much play. He can rotate, look up, and there’s a little tilt. The shoulders can’t be raised out to the side very far without the patches on the sleeves obstructing things. They can rotate around and the elbow bends almost 90 degrees, which is more than I was expecting. There is a swivel at the elbow and the wrists rotate and hinge in and out for all hands. The clearance is actually really well done here and you get a lot out of those hinges, which again, was not something I expected. We get a diaphragm cut on this guy which is some sort of peg system. It might be a double-ball, but it basically just allows for rotation with minimal forward and back. I don’t think a spacesuit is meant to allow for much there anyway, so it’s forgivable. At the hips, we get some fancy new ball and socket joints. I much prefer these to the peg system Super7 usually uses. Again though, not a whole lot of range. Homer isn’t coming anywhere close to a split, nor does he kick forward and back much. There is a thigh swivel and, like the elbows, you get almost a 90 degree bend at the knee despite the bulk of the pants. The knees also swivel and we get a swivel and hinge at the ankle that doesn’t offer a whole lot. What happened to the ankle rocker, Super7? That’s really my one, true, complaint with the articulation. I expected something very limited given this is a Simpsons character in a spacesuit, but I still expect an ankle rocker. This is, unfortunately, a trend with the line we’ll have to talk about again. Having that pivot point just opens up the stances available and, without it, Homer basically has to keep himself in a rather vanilla stance.
Futurama seems like the likely next step, no?Oooo…big Homer.
Limitations aside, I am pretty happy with this release from Super7. My only real concern going in was alleviated with the paint app, and the overall sculpt and presentation is handled really well which is what I care about most. The paint and at least some of the articulation could have been better, but as is, I’m still enjoying what I have here. Accessories, expressions, and the overall look are things we’re unlikely to get a true consensus on, but as an expression of this particular version of Homer Simpson, I think Super7 nailed it. Is it worth $55? That’s harder to say. For me, someone who is a big Simpsons fan and a big fan of action figures, it is. It’s not a slam dunk and I am influenced by the fact that I paid for this figure over 18 months ago so that pain is a thing of the past. The figure still doesn’t have that premium, collector, feel to it. The packaging and presentation does, but the figure itself comes up a little short if I’m being honest. That will probably be enough to turn away casual Simpsons fans or casual action figure fans that may love The Simpsons. I feel like this is a solid entry point for this line and this license for Super7 so hopefully it’s a sign of things to come. Check back soon to hear my thoughts on the rest of the first wave in the coming days.
When it comes to arcade cabinets, there are few that would interest me as far as a purchasing decision is concerned. One such cabinet though has always been The Simpsons arcade game, and it’s not really because of the game’s quality. The game is fine, one of the better brawlers out there, it’s just limited…
Wednesday, August 18th, ended up being quite an eventful little day in the world of toy collecting. There were some reveals from major toy companies, leaks, and even those long neglected Street Sharks fans got something to get excited about late in the day. Personally, it was a good day for me too as I…
After a long stretch of posting about Christmas and Batman exclusively, it’s time to get things back on track here at The Nostalgia Spot. Here’s a subject I’ve been sitting on for quite some time. I love The Simpsons, and I also love video games, so it stands to reason I should love Simpsons video…
When it comes to arcade cabinets, there are few that would interest me as far as a purchasing decision is concerned. One such cabinet though has always been The Simpsons arcade game, and it’s not really because of the game’s quality. The game is fine, one of the better brawlers out there, it’s just limited by its genre. The beat-em-up was a style of game designed to extract quarters from patrons. The player had very limited control over their avatar, usually just a jump and attack button plus the joystick, while the game would just send wave after wave of enemies at them to gradually beat the player down and force them to make a purchasing decision on the spot. “Do I continue by inserting another quarter? Oh no, the timer is down to 5 seconds, I need to act quick!” The real advantage for this genre though is it could be adapted to almost any intellectual property, like an animated sitcom about a family of five.
The Simpsons is a game created by Konami released in 1991. In it, the player controls either Marge, Homer, Bart, or Lisa as they battle their way through a selection of levels in order to rescue Maggie from Mr. Burns. It’s a paper thin plot and it’s limited to what it can be by being created in between seasons 1 and 2 of the show. Who is the enemy in a sitcom? Why, the mean old boss of the father figure, of course! It just so happens that in later seasons Burns would actually become more cartoonishly evil and villain-like so think of the game as a precursor of things to come. It’s good at what it does, it’s just limited by its genre.
This thing will look really nice once I remodel this basement and get rid of all of the clutter.
What has always made it appealing to me as a cabinet to own is that it’s The Simpsons! There are plenty of Simpsons video games out there, but most aren’t very good. The arcade game is quite possibly the best one, and if not that it’s probably Hit & Run. The arcade has added appeal because, aside from a brief stay on Xbox Live and the PlayStation Store, it’s been locked to the arcade. The cabinet is appealing and all of the attract mode stuff is honestly what creates most of the nostalgia for me. It’s a fun thing to possess for a Simpsons fan, the only problem is the cost and space requirements to actually have one. It was just a handful of years ago that an arcade near me was going out of business, which sucked, and it was selling all of its games. I was really tempted to make them an offer on their The Simpsons arcade cabinet, but I declined. It’s something I can’t say I truly regret because it’s very impractical, but there’s still a part of me that would love to own such a thing.
Without a riser, this thing is basically a kid’s arcade. My own children for scale ages 7 and 6.
Since then, Arcade1Up has become a thing. The company specializes in making scaled-down versions of arcade cabinets with modern components. They sometimes contain just a game or two, but lately it seems most have a handful of games from the same studio or licensor. I reviewed earlier this year one of their counter models for Marvel Super Heroes and it was a pretty positive review. The problem with Arcade1Up is largely one of cost. When they first started rolling out, I think they were only two to three-hundred dollars. And since those early ones usually just contained a game from the 70s or 80s, I guess that made some sense. If you wanted an affordable Pac-Man cabinet for your rec room or whatever, then sure, why not? And those games are basically designed to just be high score targets, they’re not really progression-driven, so it’s the type of thing you might return to here and there and visitors to your home might try to beat your score. It’s still more novelty than practical, since if you just want to play a game like Pac-Man there are far cheaper options out there, but that’s the niche Arcade1Up is going for. They sell atmosphere that just happen to be games.
A much different experience once the riser is added to the bottom.
Ever since Arcade1Up became a “thing” I’ve hoped they would do The Simpsons, and sure enough, they did. The only problem was, when they unveiled this cabinet late last summer it came with the MSRP of 600 bucks, $700 if you wanted a stool. That was just too rich for my blood for what is a novelty item. I enjoy playing the actual game, but what I’m paying for is the decorative element more than anything and that price is just crazy for what I want. I’m a pretty big Simpsons fan, but I’d rather seek out an authentic cabinet if it was going to cost me $600 to get the Arcade1Up version. There was a silver lining though, and that’s most of these eventually hit the clearance rack. Surely, the price would remain high through the holidays, but there was hope after that. And sure enough, the unit did go on sale earlier this year, but for the still unfriendly price of $400. That’s certainly better than $600, but not quite in novelty territory for me. The magic number, in my mind, was $200. If the unit ever hit that, then I’d pounce. My wife was even onboard, and lo and behold, on a random Thursday in September it did indeed get dropped to such a price. I thought about it for maybe 10 minutes, longer than I thought I would, but eventually put in an order. A Walmart down the street had a few units and that’s where I got mine. My patience paid off.
The screen is quite nice and I love that the marquee lights up.
Now that I’ve had this unit for about a week, I’m ready to tell you all about it. First off, the package included the arcade cabinet and a riser to make it easier to play for those of us that stand more than 4 feet in height. The cabinet does come unassembled and putting it together took around 2 hours. I was able to do it myself and it’s a little clunky at times, but was plenty do-able. It does need to be positioned on its side for much of the build so you definitely want to make sure you’re putting it together on a carpeted, or soft, surface so the artwork doesn’t get scuffed. Once complete though, it’s a pretty faithful reproduction of the old cabinet. The color and artwork on the sides are the same and the marquee over the top lights up like the old one. Without the riser, it stands a mere 45.75″ to the tip top and it’s 18.75″ wide. The control deck where the controls are is where the old form gets broken a bit. That is 31.5″ wide and extends beyond the shape of the actual cabinet. The depth of the unit, without the control deck, is 22.5″ and with it 24.75″. It, and basically every Arcade1Up release, looks a bit off as a result because the controls are spaced further outside relative to the screen than the original, but visually it’s close enough. We’ll get to the gameplay in a second where it matters a bit more.
The other big difference is the screen. This unit uses a modern, LCD, screen instead of an old tube so it’s sharper and the colors are more saturated. There are certainly purists out there who will pine for the old display, but I think it looks really nice. The sprites hold up really well at this resolution and it just makes the game look the best it can. The size is listed at 17″, so presumably it’s a true square, which fits the size of the cabinet itself. The coin inserts on the front are fake and sadly do not light up. If I was going to make one cosmetic change to the unit it would be LED lights in that area. It is hollow so one could customize the unit fairly easily, but I probably won’t. There also isn’t an actual door there, but how cool would it be to put a mini fridge in there or something? Now my mind is racing.
Who could forget Lisa’s classic catchphrase, “Embrace nothingness”?
The riser is basically just a box you assemble that follows the colors of the unit. The cabinet sits on top of it and it boosts the overall height to just under 59″ which is far more comfortable for most adults. I am about six feet tall and I can comfortably play on this with the riser either standing or on a stool. The overall build is fine as it’s mostly held together by screws. The cabinet is made of a wood composite and the unit weighs over 100lbs. Over time, I’m guessing the screws will need to be tightened here and there, but right now it doesn’t wobble or anything. It’s not as rugged as the real thing, but good enough for home use. One thing I don’t like is the instructions on the riser want you to screw the riser to the main unit once inserted, but there are no pre-drilled holes. They just go right through the sides and I’d rather not drill through that, even though the artwork of the family is above that part. There’s also included wall anchors, but I didn’t install them as it’s pretty sturdy. Maybe if this were a more intense style of game I’d be more inclined to do so, but it seems fine. The only other build issue I have is one of the screws on the control deck doesn’t actually “bite” into the unit and just spins. It’s one of four, so it’s not going anywhere, but either the pre-drilled hole is the wrong size or something is mis-aligned.
I already mentioned that the screen is nice, but so is the audio and the actual controls. The speakers are pretty loud and they’re set high by default so you’ll likely get a good blast when first turning it on. The buttons are nice and “clicky” and the joysticks are firm. Interestingly, the two inner joysticks feel tighter than the outside ones, but it’s not something that impacts gameplay. There’s a headphone jack on the control deck and a “Live” button as this thing is Wi-Fi enabled for online play. It’s not something I have any interest in doing, but if you want to play with a full team when actual humans aren’t available in your house, at least it’s there.
Yup, that’s The Simpsons Arcade all right.
Actually playing The Simpsons is still pretty fun, but also a little different. The characters are mapped to the joysticks so going from left to right your options are Marge, Homer, Bart, and Lisa. Because of the placement of the characters, it’s far more preferable to play as either Bart or Homer because they’re in the center. Playing as either of the women is a bit awkward since the viewing angle isn’t optimal, but is do-able. The confines are also cramped, so playing with four players is not exactly the most comfortable experience. With my family of four, it’s basically best done with my wife and I on the outside and our kids in the middle. Mostly though, this game works best as a two-player experience with one character spacing the players out. For kids, that is less of an issue as my two seemed comfortable standing side-by-side playing as Homer and Bart. Beyond that, the actual quality of the game is as good as ever. It looks great, sounds great, and the nostalgia is strong. If you liked the game back in the 90s, you’ll probably still like it. It’s also not super long which is good for the style of game that it is. You can’t save your progress though, so if you want to see it through you have to do it in one session.
I’m guessing many will be playing this game for the first time.
The surprise of this set though is that it’s not just The Simpsons arcade game. You may have noticed that in the pictures there’s a track ball in the center of the control deck and that’s because this also includes Simpsons Bowling. Simpsons Bowling was an arcade game released in 2000. It wasn’t very popular or widely spread, plus the arcade scene was on life support come then in the US, so it’s a game most have likely never played. It was produced by Konami and my assumption is the license they had was about to expire and they wanted to get one last payday out of it. Or, they had a bowling game they wanted to put out and felt the Simpsons license would help move units. Whatever the reason, it was something I had never played and honestly one I don’t know if I ever even saw in the wild. It didn’t really factor into my purchasing decision, but it’s a nice bonus.
A solid selection of characters, but since the cast of the show is so massive, there’s always going to be some missing that people wish were not. I would have loved to have Moe and Otto since they were part of the Pin Pals and I’m rather surprised at the lack of Comic Book Guy.
As far as the game goes, it’s fine. It looks like a game released in 2000. It’s basically a little better than a PlayStation title, but not really on par with the latest and greatest of the era. It’s all rendered in 3D and the character models are certainly recognizable, but not perfectly on-model. Marge’s hair is a bit odd and they couldn’t quite do a perfect sphere so Homer’s head is literally a bit rough around the edges, but I wouldn’t call it ugly. What the game does very well is just the fan service. There’s tons of audio ripped right from the show for each character plus some newly recorded lines. That’s mostly found in the little quips characters will make if you’re taking too long. They’re very chatty though as they’ll have something to say following a strike or spare and there’s enough recorded lines to make sure there are no repeats during a play session. During multiplayer sessions, characters will also comment on how other bowlers are performing often by either dismissing their accomplishments or reveling in their failure. Each character also has their own ending when they win which is both voiced and animated and most of them are quite amusing. All of the talking makes this game have arguably the better attract mode which is something I never would have predicted.
When playing with more than one bowler, the non-active character will often look on and mock bad shots or dismiss good ones.
As for the actual gameplay, well, that’s where things falter a bit. First of all, the characters available are Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Mr. Burns, Krusty, Willie, and Apu. Abe Simpson is a hidden character, but not something that needs to be unlocked, you just roll past Apu on the character select screen three times or so and then roll the track ball up one click past Homer and he should appear. The game is very simple once you get into it. There are two modes: Standard and Spares. Standard is just bowling. You first set the curve of the ball, then position the bowler, and then finally roll the ball. Each character is rated for Power, Curve, and Straight. Those with more power obviously send the ball down the lane with more velocity. Those with more curve can literally curve the ball more, and straight is apparently the character’s ability to keep the ball on a straight line, though I haven’t noticed much difference from character to character in practice. Everything is controlled with the track ball, which is a little awkward, but fine. Rolling the ball fast obviously makes the ball go faster in the game, but if you don’t do it straight you can send the ball down the gutter. If you get three strikes in a row (a turkey) you get one special roll. It’s either a fireball, toxic ball, bomb, or Maggie and it’s selected at random. The bomb and Maggie are basically guaranteed strikes, while the other two are a bit tricky because they obliterate the pins. If you’ve ever bowled before, then you know you rely on the pins falling and knocking each other over about as much as you rely on the ball doing the work. Most of the time, I can get strikes over and over and the only thing that stops me from a perfect game is that damn toxic ball which melts the pins and thus prevents them from knocking each other over. I have bowled strikes with it, but I don’t know what I’m doing differently when I do. As a bonus, following these special balls there’s usually a fun animation quirk by the ball return. The best is for Maggie who comes crawling up the thing looking all cute and stuff.
Because we need a wacky component to separate this from just plain old bowling, there’s a special ball opportunity for every turkey you bowl.
The Spares mode is a bit more of a unique gameplay experience. In that, you compete for money by getting spares. You don’t actually roll the first ball and instead for each frame you’re presented with an arrangement of pins that you need to knock over in one roll. It’s definitely the more challenging of the two modes and it’s this mode where bowlers that have better curve can work out better. The pins are also randomized so it’s not the same experience over and over. The scoring on it is odd as each frame is worth a hundred dollars. If you fail on that frame, the money for it gets added to the pot for the next frame. In this case, you can miss the first 9 frames and convert on the 10th and come away with $1000 which is not how I would have done it since there’s no reward for the number of frames cleared. In multiplayer mode, the bowlers split the pot at the end of each frame so it at least adds something there as frames can end up being worth different amounts. It puts pressure on the third or fourth bowler to match any spares or else one or two players could end up with a big score. What’s missing really is just a multiplier or something for each spare. As-is, the max score one can get is $1000 and you’re guaranteed that if you convert on the 10th frame, which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me.
What Simpsons Bowling does well is just in its presentation. All of the characters in the game are presented in the same attire they were wearing in the episode “Team Homer.” That’s the one where Homer joins a bowling league forming the Pin Pals. There are lots of other characters in the background too adding to the atmosphere. Even characters like Willie and Krusty have their proper bowling shirt on even though they were basically cameos in the episode. For Bart, Lisa, and Marge, they didn’t appear as bowlers in that episode so they don’t get a show-accurate costume. Lisa is just herself in bowling shoes while Bart has an original look. Marge is in her green dress and the only criticism I have is she should be wearing the shoes and glove she had in the episode “Life on the Fast Lane.” That’s minor though, and ultimately the presentation here is pretty terrific and the true strength of the game. I just wish we had Moe as a playable character since the other members of the Pin Pals are. Otto was also on the team briefly, but I’d rather see him in the background working the claw machine. He is indeed in the background, but doesn’t appear to be doing anything which is a bummer. Had this been released on home consoles around the same time it probably would have received a lukewarm reception, but as part of a novelty release like this, it’s more than welcomed.
Maggie emerging from the ball return after used as a bowling ball is pretty freakin’ cute.
The Arcade1Up edition of The Simpsons is basically as expected. It’s a faithful reproduction of the arcade game and Simpsons Bowling in a smaller package. It’s best served as an attention grabber in a room, it’s a way for fans of The Simpsons to interact with the property in a different fashion. The game itself is also a fun time capsule since it came so early in the show’s life and anyone who either was watching the show then or played the game will surely enjoy the trip down memory lane. It is not the type of game that demands frequent play sessions. It’s very disposable and there’s certainly some diminishing returns each time you come back which is why I think of this as a novelty item more than a gaming one. Simpsons Bowling does add to the package, but even that game lacks a skill component that makes it fun to return to over and over. Get this if you are just tickled by the idea of owning The Simpsons arcade game and have the space for it.
When Walmart marked this unit at 200 bucks it sold out pretty quickly. That’s a shame because I think that’s the right price for this sort of thing. Other retailers still have it and most have it marked down to $400. Some of those listings include the themed stool, which mine did not come with, so maybe that’s worth something to you. Is it worth 200 bucks? I don’t think so, but maybe if it hits $300 that will seem more palatable. There’s also a chance this gets re-issued as a counter-cade, but even those start off around $200 or more so it’s hard to say. If I never got this and Arcade1Up did a counter-cade edition at $150 I probably would have pounced. I might have even done $200. I was never going to do $600 and I wouldn’t recommend anybody else do that either, but if you love The Simpsons and come upon a deal for this, then I think it’s definitely worth the investment.
Wednesday, August 18th, ended up being quite an eventful little day in the world of toy collecting. There were some reveals from major toy companies, leaks, and even those long neglected Street Sharks fans got something to get excited about late in the day. Personally, it was a good day for me too as I finally got to click “ship” on a Big Bad Toy Store Pile of Loot that includes my Super7 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Wave 3. However, nothing prepared me for what Super7 had in-store for us (or technically didn’t) come the evening.
It started in the afternoon when Super7 posted a tease for a new license: an image of a glowing, green, rod with the vastness of space behind it. To the uninitiated, this may have been cryptic or even confusing. A glowstick? What could that be a reference to? For diehard fans of The Simpsons though, the image was unmistakable: an inanimate carbon rod! This rather plain looking object was the punchline to the episode “Deep Space Homer” where the show allegedly “jumped the shark” by sending Homer to outer space. It’s a ridiculous concept, but like a lot of classic era episodes of The Simpsons, there’s plenty of jokes to make it worthwhile.
Speculation was then running wild on social media about what Super7 had planned for The Simpsons. Most, including myself, assumed a wave of ReAction figures was forthcoming. If you’re unfamiliar with ReAction, that’s Super7’s retro, five points of articulation, throwback line of figures that are sold on elaborate cardbacks and can be found everywhere. They’re not my cup of tea as I have no nostalgic attachment to the Star Wars figure line from the 70s and 80s. They’re just ugly figures to me, but sometimes Super7 creates some interesting figures in this line so I wasn’t ready to dismiss the idea. The Nicktoons figures have turned out pretty well, so maybe The Simpsons could be pulled off just as well.
What I was hoping for though, was that Super7 would give The Simpsons the Ultimates treatment. We’ve talked about the Ultimates figure line a lot here, but for those just popping in, Super7’s Ultimates line is a 7″ scale action figure line that’s made to order. These are the figures that are decidedly modern in their approach to sculpting, articulation, etc. The Simpsons isn’t a brand that screams “Ultimates” since we’re not talking about sword-wielding ninjas and such, but I’m interested in figures that capture the likeness best and come packed with tons of accessories and facial expressions. Still, I assumed that would be far off, and if Super7 did want to do Simpsons in that style that they would start small (like they did with Ren and Stimpy) and maybe just offer a Homer or Bart or a one-off character.
What do we have here?!
And I was wrong! Later in the evening, the Twitter account @preterniadotcom tweeted an image of a Google search result for a Super7 Ultimates Deep Space Homer. The link went to a 404 error, but it’s mere existence was encouraging. The same account then dug a little further and was able to find a solicitation image that all but confirmed the existence of a Deep Space Homer action figure. As the name suggests, it’s Homer in his astronaut suit and he indeed comes packaged with our beloved carbon rod. He has extra hands and three different facial expressions. He also has a bag of chips and the colony of ants. It’s just a digital render, but it sure looks promising.
The fun didn’t stop there. Soon many people were messing around with the Super7 store URL and it wasn’t long before an image of the entire first wave of Simpsons Ultimates was uncovered. A user at thefwoosh.com was the first person I saw to uncover the image, but soon every social media account connected with toys was sharing it. The day began rather ordinarily, and then we got a Simpsons tease, then we got confirmation of an Ultimates figure, and when we all went to sleep we had an entire first wave. And it wasn’t just two figures, it wasn’t even the standard four, but five figures! Super7 clearly appears to be all-in when it comes to The Simpsons and I am here for it!
Wow! It looks great! And you get a Homer accessory with your rod!
So who all is joining Homer in this inaugural first wave? Well, in true Super7 fashion, it’s a surprising collection of characters intended to appeal to the diehard Simpsons fan. Disney fans were confused when Super7 launched a Disney line last year consisting of Sorcerer Mickey, Pinocchio, and Prince Jon from Robin Hood because there was no Robin Hood. Super7’s approach is both strategic and also by the seat of their pants. They like to produce the figures that they simply want, and Super7’s Brian Flynn loves Prince Jon so he gets to be in Wave One. To them, that suggests to the consumer that “Of course Robin Hood will be in Wave Two,” but for fans unfamiliar with the company it’s just confusing. With The Simpsons, I’m pretty sure the same thing will happen because Wave One is Deep Space Homer, Moe, Poochie, and robot versions of Itchy and Scratchy from the episode “Itchy and Scratchy Land.” I don’t want to speak for Super7, but my guess is these are just favorite characters, episodes, and gags for the people at Super7. It’s also a tell to the Simpsons fanbase that they’re going to go deep. It’s a foregone conclusion that you’re going to get a Bart, Lisa, Krusty, etc. at some point, so they’re going to give you some of those deep cuts upfront so you don’t have to worry about Super7 not getting to them.
Should I spend hundreds of dollars to amass an army of Itchy and Scratchy robots?!
Of course, since everything except the initial tease is basically a leak (or a cleverly disguised reveal to get people talking) we don’t necessarily know what the plan is or what direction they’re going in. Maybe Super7 isn’t interested in doing a base Homer? I kind of doubt it, but we’ll have to wait and see. They’ll probably want to get someone out there soon to talk about the license and give fans a head’s up, but for now we at least know about five figures. And from what I see, they look terrific. I don’t know that I need Homer in a space suit, but I do like what Super7 is showing here so it’s not something I’m going to pass on. Moe looks as Moe should. He comes with his apron, rag, a Flaming Moe, and a bright red phone for prank calls. He even has an angry, screaming, face that should pair well with that phone. He also has a panda in a crate, because Moe gets his hands into some questionable business practices. Poochie also looks great and comes with his surfboard, skateboard, and all of the stuff he needs to take things “To the extreme!” The stars of the inaugural first wave though might be those robotic Itchy and Scratchy figures. They just look fun with Itchy featuring a removable skull top to expose his robotic innards and Scratchy possessing a removable face to do the same. They have various implements of destruction as well as items to feature in a parade. And, not to be missed, is the Bort license plate that comes with Scratchy (chef’s kiss).
This has to happen.
Even though I get what Super7 is doing here, that doesn’t change the fact that this is a rather bold selection of characters for the first wave of a new IP. Is there a market for high end Simpsons action figures out there? I guess we’ll find out. Many are used to paying 10 bucks or so for the Playmates figures of 20 years ago. These will retail for $55 a piece so there’s likely to be some sticker shock. I’m familiar with Super7 so I know what to expect. I’m also used to paying that kind of money for a toy in 2021 so it should go without saying that I’m all in. And then there’s also the delay in actually getting these. Simpsons fans who have been out of the collector game for a long time will be surprised at the price, and then further surprised when they find out they won’t even get their figures for a year. Super7’s made-to-order model is basically designed in such a way that they almost can’t lose money on a figure offering, but if this wave underperforms it might mean a smaller Wave Two. I suspect they have a list of figures they really want to make and it’s possible nothing will stop them unless sales are truly abysmal, but it will be interesting to see the response to these. As for me, I have a long list of characters that I’d love to see, and I expect a lot of the figures to come will be episode specific. Surely there will be a Bart in Wave Two, but I’m also really hopefully for a Skinner and Chalmers pairing full of Steamed Ham references. Such a thing would surely get the social media a-buzzing!
Update 8/20/2021: The entire first wave is now available through Super7 at https://preorder.super7store.com/. If you want to order from a place that doesn’t charge upfront, more options should become available later in the day. I recommend at least heading on over to Super7’s store for more high-res images of the line including a look at the sleek packaging!
The Nostalgia Spot 