Author Archives: Joe

September 5, 2018

Previously on X-Men: The Making of an Animated Series

By Joe

by Eric Lewald, published by Jacobs Brown Media Group LLC

A lot of cartoons made an impact on me as a child. My first love was The Real Ghostbusters. Its goofy cast of characters and excitement were plenty of fun and there were interesting toys to supplement the series with, which was pretty much the goal of all cartoons in the 80s. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles would come along and supplant Ghostbusters for me. For several years I was all about the Turtles, with a flirtation with Bucky O’Hare mixed in, though sadly the funky fresh rabbit never made it past 13 episodes.

In 1992 things changed, in more ways than one. My family had just been uprooted moving from the cozy confines of New Hampshire to what felt like a different world down in Virginia. For the first time ever, I was a fish out of water. As I was gearing up to start 3rd grade in a new state, a new town, a new school, I would be tasked with forming all new friendships either at school or in my new neighborhood. It’s not a task I’ve ever been particularly good at. Shy and a tad awkward, I wasn’t outgoing, nor was I particularly talented in anything so I had few ways of attracting people. As a result, my television was sort of my best friend for a time and thankfully I had a new friend in Batman who had just debuted on week day afternoons on Fox Kids, a network I really only knew of thanks to The Simpsons. Batman was all fine and good, and I consumed every episode as it aired (and have since gone on to write about, if you hadn’t noticed), but it never hooked me like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, even though that was a program I found myself outgrowing. What did resonate with me almost immediately though was the cartoon that premiered not long after Batman, I’m talking about X-Men.

The X-Men were known to me in basic terms before the animated series premiered on Fox. About a year prior to the show debuting Marvel had launched a toyline complete with TV spots, even though there was no companion television series to pair it with. I suppose the toys could have been developed in conjunction with the Pryde of the X-Men pilot that had premiered and failed in 1989. The roster was pretty similar, though then relative newcomer Archangel replaced Dazzler in that initial run of toys. Aside from that though, I don’t think I had ever picked up an X-Men comic book and I may or may not have played the side-scrolling beat-’em-up arcade game that was also based on Pryde of the X-Men. And I didn’t even actually catch the sneak peek preview, which aired on Halloween of 1992. I had seen all of the television spots leading up to it and was very interested in the show, but I had tricks or treats to get and wasn’t good at working a VCR.

The first attempt at bringing the X-Men to television did not go very well.

At school, I would hear about it though. They had cool powers, but people hated them. Why? It seemed like such a foreign concept. One character got arrested and another died! Wow! Perhaps morbidly, I really wanted to see that character death, whom I’d come to know as Morph. Frustratingly, it would be awhile before I finally saw it. Somehow, whenever “Night of the Sentinels: Part 2” was aired on television I would miss it. I wasn’t allowed to stay home alone, since I was only 8, so if my family had plans on Saturday morning I had little say. My mom even enrolled me in CCD, or church school, which convened at 11 on Saturdays, much to my horror. I think I only went to two of those classes before my mom got sick of the revolt each Saturday, finally freeing me to enjoy my new favorite program in relative peace.

In no time I was obsessed, and X-Men was my favorite show for basically as long as it aired. I still have the many toys I amassed during that period in my life, and though I no longer read the comics, I still enjoy revisiting this cartoon. It’s why when I heard that showrunner Eric Lewald was releasing a book all about his experience in making the show and bringing it to television that I had to get a copy. I received a copy last November, and I’m a bit disappointed in myself since it took me this long to finally finish it and get to writing this post, but life is hectic.

Previously on X-Men is an account of how this unlikely hit came to be. When Fox premiered X-Men and Batman it was still a fledgling network. The Tracey Ullman Show and Married… With Children got the network its initial audience, and The Simpsons would then establish it as a viable alternative to the big 3: ABC, CBS, and NBC. It was still struggling during the other parts of the day with programming often ending before 11 PM. Recognizing that there was a place for children’s programming, Fox brought together a web of studios and producers in a mostly haphazard manner that somehow led to network dominance. Shows like Bobby’s World and Attack of the Killer Tomatoes were filling out the kids portion of the programming early on, and while it sounds like they did okay numbers, they weren’t going to raise the network’s profile much. It would fall to the superheroes to do that.

Julia and Eric Lewald

Lewald’s book does a great job in capturing those early days while also contrasting X-Men with its daily counterpart Batman. Batman was a show with tremendous financial muscle behind it in the form of Warner Bros. and DC. It was coming off two successful Tim Burton movies and featured a character recognized around the globe. As a result, it was largely an internal production at Warner and Fox got to enjoy the benefits. And then there was X-Men, the troubled property that seemingly no one believed in. Thanks to so many television failures by Marvel in the past, there was almost zero enthusiasm for a show based on the property. Margaret Loesch, who formerly headed-up television at Marvel and was hired away to run Fox Kids, was one of the few who believed in it. Having failed to get the show going while at Marvel, she knew a producer who she had hired and fired on more than one occasion that could handle the task. That man was Sidney Iwanter, and he produced the show along with many others for Fox Kids. Citing a belief that kids were smarter than network executives gave them credit for, he demanded excellence from the writing staff of X-Men, who were overseen by Lewald. These three probably deserve the most credit in getting X-Men to television and for it being the number one kid’s show when it finally did get there.

Haim Saban, who is both a hero and a villain in this story.

The first 200 pages of the 400 page book are devoted to the development process and it’s a fascinating read. Lewald, who had no experience with the X-Men before getting hired to run the show, was entrusted with those initial 13 episodes. He had people at Marvel he could go to with questions, but in a pre-internet world that meant a phone call, fax, or worse. It wasn’t like there was a Google equivalent in 1992. Artist Larry Houston is credited with the look of the series, as he was one of the few onboard who was a fan of the comic. Also the Edens brothers, Michael and Mark, were Lewald’s main contributors in the writing department. Lewald’s wife Julia was also a part in the initial season and contributed to the book as well. It’s very interesting to read as Lewald takes the reader through that initial writing process, and it’s easily the most captivating section of the book. Their approach to character showed in the episodes, so a lot of what is said here was previously assumed. Such as the belief that killing off poor Morph in the second episode would create stakes and pull the viewer in.

The early days of Fox Kids.

If there is an MVP character for the book though it just might be Haim Saban. Saban was a newcomer to television when Fox Kids partnered with him to bring the X-Men to air. Saban collected a fee for those first 13 episodes, but then it was on him to pay the writers and editors. Graz handled the art, while AKOM was contracted to do the animation. Saban is a notoriously cheap man, and reading about all of the accounts of his cheapness is both hilarious and frustrating. It’s well known now, but bares repeating to emphasize how cheap he was that Saban docked the pay for all of the returning writers for season 2. His reasoning? The show was a success, so now more people would want to write for it and therefore he could pay them less. The man is now a billionaire, so obviously he’s pretty good at making money, though he’s also a reminder of a lot of what’s wrong with modern capitalism. The second half of the book is comprised of interviews with the cast, writers, producers, and other executives and almost all of them have a comment about how cheap Saban was, and likely still is.

Many battles took place to bring X-Men to Saturday morning. Some I knew about before reading this book, and others I did not. It’s probably common knowledge that the first episode from AKOM was utter garbage in terms of animation quality. It’s a big reason why the show had to premiere as a sneak preview because the studio couldn’t get the episodes ready to premiere in the normal Fall window due to all of the animation fixes that needed to take place. A lot of money was spent getting it right, and it almost blew everything up. The original voice cast also had to re-do the initial episodes because the first takes were so bad. Saban, in order to save money, hired Canadian actors to voice the show because they were famously non-union, so casting, supervising, and ultimately editing the audio for the show was cumbersome. Having to send individuals up to Canada in order to re-dub the initial episodes was obviously time consuming as well.

X-Men (FOX) [1992-1997]Shown from left: Wolverine, Morph, Beast

Oh Morph, I still mourn for thee.

And then there was Stan Lee. Stan Lee is a pretty famous guy. I’m not sure if he’s today more known for all of the comic characters he had a hand in creating or if he’s more famous for being that old guy who cameos in every Marvel film. Stan Lee created the X–Men alongside Jack Kirby in the 60s, but after that initial unsuccessful run, he turned it over to other writers and artists so he could focus on other things. As a result, come 1992 he basically knew nothing about the modern X-Men and yet he insisted he knew what was right for the show. Lewald and Iwanter had to fight with Stan on everything in those developmental days. He insisted on narrating the episodes, as he had done with previous Marvel television shows, and his approach was entirely wrong for the show they were trying to create. Supposedly, he even proposed the premise of the show should be a few members of the team driving around and solving mysteries. Imagine Wolverine in the role of Scooby Doo? Who would Shaggy be – Gambit?! They somehow managed to placate him, without really giving him a voice in the show, and eventually he went away as the show moved along through its first season and became a smash hit. The frustration in having to deal with Lee, and the many other challenges, is felt in reading this and I ached for Lewald even though he’s more than 25 years removed from this aggravation.

The success of X-Men helped pave the way for more Marvel cartoons like Spider-Man.

That first season was only 13 episodes, a far cry from the 65 episode order Batman received. Fox was so unsure about the property that it wouldn’t commit beyond that, forcing basically everyone involved to move onto other shows. Lewald went on to helm Exosquad with the Edens, and thankfully that too only received a 13 episode order so he was available to return to X-Men when it finally received the full episode order. Others did not, because that’s how television works. If a show isn’t in production, you’re not getting paid. That first season’s decision to present itself in a serialized fashion also presented problems for the network, as production delays on one episode messed up the order of everything. As a result, the network demanded that season 2 be more episodic, but Lewald and his talented team of writers still managed to give it a serialized feel with The Savage Land segments and reoccurring villains like Mr. Sinister and The Friends of Humanity. A wise move, since the serialized nature of that first season is a big reason why it’s so special.

“Nightcrawler” is frequently cited as a favorite episode of many of the creators involved with the show. The book also contains a deep dive into its creation.

Like the show itself, which I think produced its best work in those first two seasons, the book somewhat suffers from a strong first half that isn’t matched by the second. The many interviews that span roughly 200 pages are informative, but some more than others. The voice cast mostly repeats itself with remarks about how it was fun to work on something that felt different and how they came to understand their roles. The actual writers and producers offer the more interesting nuggets. There’s a lot of praise thrown around which might get tiresome for readers, though they all have reason to praise each other since it’s easy to forget how successful this show was. Especially when taken alongside the production and development hurdles. Of the interviews, I think I actually enjoyed the executive ones the most. Loesch and Iwanter were candid and did a great job of transporting me back to the early 90s and the hurdles they faced in backing this show. It’s fun to read about how close these people were with these characters that meant so much to me as a child. They cared about them, which is ultimately why the show ended up being as successful as it was.

Marvel has resurrected the 92 X-Men for its comics line, but the results weren’t enjoyed by this blogger.

It should come as no surprise that, as a longtime fan of the show, I fully recommend Previously on X-Men to other fans of the show. Even if you were only a casual fan, but tuned into the animated scene at the time, you might enjoy reading this one. It’s fun to read the comparisons of how this show came to be with the experiences these people had with other shows. X-Men was a production mess, a wonderful, beautiful, mess. It was still garnering good numbers when it was cancelled, and one has to assume it was due to costs. By then, Saban had Power Rangers and was able to bring more stuff in house. X-Men had all kinds of hands on it so a lot of people had to get paid, and as we already covered, Saban wasn’t a fan of paying people. Even so, it’s hard to argue that the show was cut-down in its prime or anything, but reading this book and revisiting the show really made me realize how much I’d love to come back to this world. Marvel did launch an X-Men ’92 comic, but it did not satisfy me nor did it read like an episode of the beloved cartoon, rather it felt more like a parody. Marvel is now under the gigantic Disney umbrella and its films basically print money. With the Fox acquisition though, suddenly the X-Men are back in play. Marvel hasn’t bothered with animated films in awhile, though it’s sort of bringing that back with Into the Spider-Verse. Maybe a direct to video follow-up for the 92 X-Men could one day be in play. Pretty please? At the very least, how about a Blu Ray collection with episode commentaries, Disney? The people who created this wonderful show obviously wish to talk about it and they still have a lot to say.

3 Comments | tags: cyclops, disney, eric lewald, fox kids, gambit, graz entertainment, larry houston, margaret loesch, mark edens, marvel, michael edens, morph, saban, sidney iwanter, stan lee, storm, will meugniot, wolverine, x-men, x-men 92 | posted in Best of Animation - TV, Comics, Television

September 4, 2018

The Ultimate Danzig Song Ranking – Conclusion

By Joe

We have made it to the final 13, the best of the best that Danzig has written and recorded. This feature has totaled nearly 15,000 words as we’ve had to sort through 116 songs just to make it this far. Now considering we’re only covering 13 in this last post, I don’t think this one will run quite as long, but who knows? For these last batch of songs, it likely comes as no surprise that most of them come from Danzig’s first four albums. Those are often considered the best the band put out. That’s not to say what has followed has not been worthwhile, far from it, but it is what it is. And of these 13, we still actually have a cut from Danzig 7 to discuss and a few from The Lost Tracks of Danzig compilation, which really is a fantastic release for fans of old and newer Danzig. These songs, as well as the preceding dozens, were hard to rank. Even as I look over my final rankings, there’s an urge to tinker with it and move things around, but I suspect no amount of adjusting would ever truly satisfy me. Even my number 1 is a bit tenuous. Since it’s my ranking, I just went with my favorite song, so anyone else’s rankings could easily feature something else in its place. That’s what makes the whole exercise worth while though. Let’s get to it!

13. Black Mass (I Luciferi) – Danzig’s seventh studio album kicks off with the instrumental “Unendlich,” an eerie piece of music that wouldn’t sound out of place in a Castlevania game. It takes us into the first real song of the album, “Black Mass,” a throwback to Danzig’s Black Sabbath roots and proof positive the man could still croon after decades in the music business. This song made quite a statement, as previous albums seemed to try and hide Danzig’s vocals at times and were often reluctant to make them the showcase. For Blackacidevil, that decision was a stylistic choice, but fans worried when Satan’s Child featured a hoarse sounding Danzig underneath some digital layering and wondered what the future held for the former velvet-voiced crooner. I’d like to think that “Black Mass” slayed those fears as an almost gentle sounding Glenn brings us into the song following the heavy riffing of guitarist Todd Youth. There’s an edge to his voice though, a mature sound, and even though we’re back into the comic book imagery of skulls and sacrifices, the band seems deadly serious. The song never rises too high in terms of volume, but it doesn’t have to. After dabbling with industrial elements, this is a song that would have been right at home on Danzig III or Danzig IV, and it’s the best song from the underrated Danzig 7:77 I Luciferi.

The video for “Killer Wolf” is mostly Glenn posturing in front of things while the band and some random women just hang around an old shack. It ranks fairly high on the unintentional comedy scale.

12. Killer Wolf (Lucifuge) – Another blues song with some swagger, “Killer Wolf” is the post “Mother” song of caution for you parents out there. There’s a dirty vagabond feel to the lyrics, a wandering prowler on the hunt for sin – an image Danzig is more than capable of wielding with some degree of authenticity. Danzig’s vocals shine as they howl out the chorus, the little vocal “twang” on the word “wolf” creates that southern atmosphere the album was looking for. It’s a mid-tempo song and the band provides the backing to Glenn’s vocals with precision. The song has a rolling feel to it that explodes in the end with a powerful closing minute. An early album stunner for the excellent second album.

11. Bound by Blood (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – The song Glenn Danzig couldn’t bring himself to include on Danzig 7. He expressed frustration in at least one interview pre-release for that album that he was going to have to leave this one out because it either didn’t quite fit with the rest of the songs on the album or because he wanted to keep the running time down. There was talk of doing a single release, or an EP, and this may have also been around the time he started floating the idea of a boxed set of unreleased songs. We may have the song now, but if I may say, Glenn – you should have included it on the album in the first place. “Bound by Blood” is surprisingly not a song about bondage, but by the literal bindings of blood that exist between family. The lyrics are heartfelt and sweet, and while the song begins like a ballad, it erupts with that famous Danzig bottom-end before long while Todd Youth does his best work for any Danzig song he’s been a part of. The song crashes along with Glenn’s howls, and if it has a weakness, it could in that it perhaps lasts a bit too long. Because the early portion of the song is so lovely sounding, it makes me wonder what an acoustic version would sound like. I don’t necessarily think it would be better, but I do think it could exist on its own. It’s great that we have The Lost Tracks of Danzig to enjoy this and other songs from it, but there is a part of me that listens to the Danzig 7 era tracks and wonder how much better that album could have been. It’s a personal favorite of mine, and it’s a toss-up between that and Deth Red Sabaoth for best post original lineup album, but it could have been even better.

10. Let it be Captured (Danzig IV) – This one is perhaps the greatest showcase for Glenn Danzig’s vocal prowess, and lucky for him, it was recorded during the time when he was probably at his best. “Let it be Captured” is another ballad and it’s similar in subject matter to “Sistinas” off Danzig III. The voice of the song is offering an invitation to the song’s target. It’s sweet, and there’s no apparent sinister urges in this one and it meanders artfully through the early parts of the song before the rush of the outro strikes. It’s that outro where Danzig goes off relentlessly wailing the song’s title with a few additional lyrics thrown in here and there for variety. It’s awesome, the perfect song to listen to in the car alone when you want to sing at the top of your lungs. It’s the song I would put on for someone who doesn’t think Danzig can sign or lacks powerful pipes (admittedly, I’ve never really encountered anyone who thinks either). It’s perhaps self-indulgent, but that’s why songs like this only come along so often.

Despite consisting of mostly stock live footage, the videos for “Twist of Cain” and “Am I Demon” still found it hard to receive airplay on MTV.

9. Twist of Cain (Danzig) – Thirty years ago legions of soon-to-be Danzig fans were introduced to the band via the opening notes of “Twist of Cain.” One of the band’s most popular tunes with its fans, “Twist of Cain” ushered in the new sound of the band following the disbanding of Samhain. It was almost entirely different when compared with what Glenn Danzig had output previously. The speed and lo-fi aspects of The Misfits were a thing of the past while the atmospheric elements of Samhain were replaced with a total tear-down of blues-based hard rock. Danzig’s vocals are commanding and strong, aggressive and fierce. A song of rebellion, a common theme of early Danzig, it snakes its way through various riffs and changes covering a lot of ground in its modest run time. It’s hard to imagine the first Danzig record starting any other way.

8. Pain is Like an Animal (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – Of course, the first album could have started with this one. Not that I necessarily think it should have, but this track (supposedly left off from the first album, though the recording on the compilation sounds like a Danzig II or III era track) is one the best hard rock numbers the band ever recorded. It features some great guitar work by John Christ and some excellent percussion by Chuck Biscuits. Like a lot of early Danzig songs, those instruments are front and center with little semblance of Eerie Von’s bass. The vocals sound slightly lo-fi, perhaps because the song was never properly dressed-up for release, but they work with the primal nature of the song’s subject matter. It’s perhaps too up-tempo for the first Danzig album, maybe a song producer Rick Rubin wasn’t a fan of, but it’s hard to argue it couldn’t have made that album even better. Knock off the totally fine, but also just a cover, “The Hunter” for this one and I don’t think you lose anything. The only knock against that first album is it’s sometimes frustratingly restrained, which is made evident when those songs are played live, and this song would have given it another kick in the balls.

7. Cold Cold Rain (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – The crowned jewel of The Lost Tracks of Danzig is “Cold Cold Rain.” It debuted in the late 90s on Eerie Von’s telephone hotline as a little treat for Danzig fans. That low quality recording circulated online for years with fans wanting more, until finally The Lost Tracks of Danzig debuted in 2007. This one was culled from the Lucifuge sessions and it’s another very 50s sounding ballad with an excellent vocal performance by Glenn Danzig. It may have the 50s sound “Blood & Tears” went for, but it’s thicker and louder. Glenn claims in the liner notes that Rubin wasn’t a fan which is why it didn’t make the cut. I’m guessing it basically came down to this song vs “Blood & Tears” and they opted for the slightly more Danzig sounding track. The dry production of that song better fits the album, but it’s still amazing to think that this song could have been on what is an otherwise phenomenal album. It’s because that album is so good that I’m more just happy we now have this one, where as with Danzig 7 I mourn what could have been. Some think this song has been slowed down for release when compared with the old hotline recording. A slightly faster fan mix is on YouTube, and I’m honestly not sure which I prefer. I think it’s silly to try and infer too much from audio that was recorded off of a telephone in the 90s with an actual CD release from 2007, but it’s possible Glenn thought it sounded better a little slower when he revisited it. However you choose to listen to it, it’s one of the band’s best ballads and maybe the best one of them all.

957a59f0-f0fd-42a3-a782-50931a4a7965_screenshot

If you wanted to see the uncut video for “Mother” in a pre YouTube world you basically had to pick up the band’s home video. MTV didn’t like the whole chicken sacrifice thing.

6. Mother (Danzig) – It had to make the top 10. There are some diehards who will turn their nose up at this one because it’s the only song Danzig is really known for within the mainstream. Many bands are regarded as one-hit wonders with that one hit sometimes representing the best of the band, and sometimes not. With Danzig, it’s at least close and if the band was going to be known primarily for one song then “Mother” isn’t a bad one to be known for. It was a big crowd pleaser ever since it was introduced into the setlist, and obviously became the logical closing track after it became a hit upon re-release in 1993. It’s a simple number, with a three-chord progression that could have been lifted from Michael Jackson of all places, with an equally simple structure. The song’s rebellious lyrics impart a sense of danger and mystique and the chorus is the perfect payoff to the verse. John Christ has a suitable solo mid song, before a blistering one during the closing seconds. It’s another restrained Danzig 1 track, because live it’s played just a bit faster and Glenn’s lyrics are delivered with a bit more intensity. It’s understandable that longtime fans can be sick of it at this juncture, but it would be foolish to deny it’s not one of the best Danzig songs.

dc067873ee2c05adf4fe91ef9ca7e4d0--danzig-misfits-glenn-danzig

The better single from Danzig IV.

5. I Don’t Mind the Pain (Danzig IV) – The better single from Danzig’s fourth album. It could have possibly rode some of that “Mother” momentum that “Cantspeak” otherwise squandered, but it’s also hard to argue this song fit fully into the mainstream rock sound of 94. “I Don’t Mind the Pain” comes in with a plucky, playful tempo with a vocal delivery from Danzig with a touch of softness. It rips into some drum-blasts and more machine-gun guitar ushering in some more malevolent sounding vocals. It all gives way to a pleasant chorus that’s almost poppy. It’s the changes and the approach that make this a challenging single, but with the album having more experimentation on it than any previous Danzig release it likely was never intended to be a bonafide commercial hit. The song’s combination of heaviness and catchiness are what make it the best of Danzig IV. A perfectly splendid vocal performance is the cherry on top, and you can even hear some of that thumping bass on this one too.

4. Tired of Being Alive (Lucifuge) – The title implies a suicidal voice for the song, but the approach is more angry and defiant. A little grumpy, it’s a very up-tempo track that feels quite fresh considering the mid-range of the first album and following the similarly paced “Snakes of Christ” and “Killer Wolf.” I was so excited when this one was brought back into the live show a few years back (now nearly ten years, actually) and it seems the rest of the crowd shared in my enthusiasm. It’s an easy song to bang your head to, and maybe if the title wasn’t so dangerous it could have been a choice for lead single. The song’s approach is rather clean, and there’s some great little flourishes from guitarist John Christ on the chorus. The vocals are layered upon during parts, which also adds some unique color considering the mostly bare bones production approach of Rick Rubin. There’s enough sizzle on top of what is otherwise a really catchy melody to elevate this song almost effortlessly into the spot it’s at on our countdown.

3. Evil Thing (Danzig) – We’re kicking off the top 3 with our last track from the debut album. “Evil Thing” closed that one out and it’s perhaps the most aggressive track on the whole album. It takes the premise of the song and runs with it demonstrating that this is a band you should be afraid of your kids listening to. In the early days of the PTC, this was an easy song to get behind. Glenn’s rapid-fire delivery on the verse feature some of the best lyrics he crafted on the album. The guitar is playful, yet evil, and the drumming is perfectly timed. The vocals are front and center erasing any doubt as to who this band belongs to. This song is what Danzig is all about: aggression, rebellion, unfiltered. This might be the most “Danzig” song of them all and it’s kind of incredible to me that it ever was removed from the touring set list.

59AEAF7F-danzig-premiers-last-ride-music-video-image

This girl gets it.

2. Long Way Back From Hell (Lucifuge) – The song that ushered in the more bluesy second album, it’s hard to imagine a more appropriate way to begin what many feel is the band’s best album. “Long Way Back From Hell” features a steady build-up leading to a dive-bomb guitar to kick things off. Danzig’s vocals bring everyone in, spinning a tale wrought from the bayou of warning – be sure you’re willing to come along for the ride with this band, because surely Hell awaits. It’s a tremendous statement following the slower debut album as “Long Way…” brings a speed and intensity that album was lacking in. It’s a song that’s easy to be spellbound by as it forces you to bang your head and thrust your fist along with it. It’s expertly paced, giving listeners a brief break midway before crashing back into the fray with an abrupt, but satisfying, conclusion. Before the final notes have finished reverberating, the riff for the next song comes into being and we’re off and running.

And now, the pick for the Ultimate Danzig song goes to…

Danzig - Devil's Plaything.avi_000048448

Glenn posing with a blond – it basically could be from any Danzig video, but it is from “Devil’s Plaything.”

Devil’s Plaything (Lucifuge) – The midway point of the now classic second album, “Devil’s Plaything” has all of the ingredients of a classic Danzig tune. It starts off quietly with some light guitar playing and Glenn’s majestic voice. Following a couple bars of that, it blasts into a big guitar riff with melodic, yet relentless, drum-work from Biscuits. The sonic wall backs off slightly to bring in Danzig’s commanding and demonstrative vocals. Another song of danger, the verse gives way to a shouting, no-frills, chorus that rolls along with the percussion. There’s a bridge that re-introduces the lighter guitar work on the song’s intro, before jumping back into the verse/chorus/outro mold to wind things down. If the song is missing anything, it’s a guitar solo during that bridge portion. It does feature the “Whoa-ohs” we know and love, something that’s more of a staple of The Misfits than Danzig, but also something that shows up plenty in this band. It’s authentic approach and structure, combined with the subject matter and vocal delivery, are what makes it the perfect Danzig song. It’s been my favorite for decades now, so I see little reason for a change at this point.

Well there you have it, 129 Danzig songs ranked in order of worst to best in celebration of the band’s 30th anniversary. Time will tell if the band will add to this list in any meaningful way. At the time of this writing, we know that a collection of Elvis covers has been recorded and mixed and is just sitting on a shelf somewhere waiting for release. I suspect Glenn is trying to figure out if it makes sense to do a physical release or a digital one to get those songs out there. Whether or not he ever does a proper Danzig album is up in the air. The man will probably keep writing and recording until the day he dies, but it wouldn’t be a shock if he gets so sick of the industry that he loses interest in doing full albums. I’ll be here ready and willing to update this ranking should he put out some new material. And since I’ve also tackled The Misfits and their library of songs, I suppose it would only make sense to do the same for Samhain some where down the road. Thanks for reading and listen to more Danzig!

2 Comments | tags: chuck biscuits, dirty diana, eerie von, glenn danzig, how the gods kill, john christ, lucifuge, mother, rick rubin, samhain, the lost tracks of danzig, the misfits, todd youth | posted in Danzig, Music

September 3, 2018

Dragon Ball Z: Bio-Broly

By Joe

DBZ_THE_MOVIE_NO._11 Japanese Title: Super Warrior Defeat!! I’ll Be The Winner

Original Release Date: July 9, 1994

English Release Date: September 13, 2005

Directed by: Yoshihiro Ueda

Screenplay by: Takao Koyama

Running Time: 46 minutes

Well, I hope you wanted more Broly following the last movie, because he’s back again. Breaking a tie with Cooler, this movie marks Broly’s third appearance in a Dragon Ball Z feature and it also means 3 out the last 4 movies all featured him as the main antagonist. When we last saw Broly (Vic Mignogna), he was getting blown up by the combined might of Goku, Gohan, and Goten. How could he have survived a triple Kamehameha? Well, he didn’t, and another person from that film is responsible for Broly’s return here.

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Dr. Collie and Mr. Jaguar, our enemies for today.

The movie opens at a lab where a cackling, obviously evil guy, named Mr. Jaguar (Bill Townsley) is enjoying the specimens his team of scientists, led by Dr. Collie (Christopher Sabat), has produced for him. He plans to use them to take over the world or something, but also mentions how he wants to go after Earth’s hero. The camera lingers on one large tank containing a humanoid creation, and a tail flickers into the picture to let us in on a not so subtle secret about who inhabits this particular environment.

The bio-men won’t be winning any beauty pageants.

After the intro song, we’re taken to Satan City where Android 18 (Meredith McCoy) is attempting to collect payment from Mr. Satan (Chris Rager) for the events that transpired during the World Martial Arts tournament in the main series. In case you forgot, 18 was pitted against Satan in the finals and he convinced her to take a dive in exchange for riches. Before she can get the money out of him though, an odd fellow in a blue suede suit shows up, falls in the pool, and manages to get inside Satan’s mansion to issue him a challenge. Apparently Mr. Jaguar and Mr. Satan attended summer camp years back and he knows Satan’s dirty little secret – he once wet his pants! In order to keep this from reaching the press, Mr. Satan needs to accompany this guy, Men-Men (Jim Foronda) back to an island to face Mr. Jaguar, and since he failed to pay 18, she is going too. Goten (Kara Edwards) and Trunks (Laura Bailey), having been promised a big lunch from Krillin(Sonny Strait) once 18 gets paid, stow away in Men-Men’s flying car and head off to the remote island where Mr. Jaguar awaits.

Once they arrive at the island, Mr. Satan finds out he’s not to be squaring off against the diminutive little Jaguar, but against his Bio Men. These slimy, green and pink creations give him the creeps, and they’re also well beyond his fighting ability. Having no other recourse, he offers 18 more money to take care of them for him, and she’s happy to oblige.

18 is more than happy to step in for Mr. Satan, provided he pays her.

Goten and Trunks, after having helped 18, go exploring in the lab and find all of the Bio Men still growing in their oversized test tubes. Trunks, having a genius scientist for a mom, is happy to share that information with anyone who will listen and does seem genuinely interested in what’s going on. Goten notices one of the specimens has a tail, and the two check it out and are startled to discover that it’s Broly! He soon awakens, and Goten and Trunks flee in terror. They go to talk some sense into the scientists about Broly, and find the shaman Maloja (Robert McCollum) whom they exposed as a fraud to his village in the previous movie. It was he who scraped up some of Broly’s blood after his defeat and sold it to Jaguar. His scientists utilized that to recreate Broly as one of Dr. Collie’s bio-monsters. Goten and Trunks are horrified, and decide the only thing they can do is destroy Broly themselves.

Broly was a bit fragile of mind to begin with, this can’t be good for his self-esteem.

It’s a good thought, but the duo’s combined attack on the tube only succeeds in freeing Broly. Enraged at the sight of the two young Saiyans partly responsible for his death, Broly goes on an unstoppable rampage. At first, he looks like his old self, but his body soon begins to deteriorate into a grotesque pile of slime with red eyes. He kind of looks like a combination of Mukman from the Mighty Mutanimals, complete with his yellow hair poking out of the goo resembling spent banana peels, and also kind of like the Tyrant from Resident Evil since both feature a glowing, red, heart. Broly immediately attracts the attention of 18, who gets flattened almost right away, and it falls on Trunks and Goten to take him out.

The two Saiyans show promise when fighting as a pair.

Broly is apparently not as powerful in his bio state as he was in life since Trunks and Goten are able to go toe-to-toe with him, provided they attack in unison. The problem is, Broly has wrecked the lab all around him, and the weird purple goo that created him is seeping out. It’s acidic to all lifeforms, and Goten keeps getting pulled away from the fight to save people from certain death. Broly’s goo body also makes him seem invulnerable to real physical pain, and the boys are at a loss as to how they can destroy him. Trunks will figure out a plan though, and it involves utilizing his own buttocks in an antagonizing manner, but they need to also content with the the purple goo that threatens all of the island’s inhabitants, not just those in the lab.

Even in this weakened state, Broly still packs a punch.

I am happy to say, there will be no Goku (Sean Schemmel) saving the day. Even Piccolo and Vegeta decline to make an appearance to bail someone out, though Krillin will show up to fight at some point. Instead this one rests entirely on the young shoulders of Goten and Trunks. After seeing them upstaged by Gohan in the last film, it’s kind of nice to see them get to shine on their own. Trunks will even utilize a Kamehameha attack along with Goten, and also what looks to be his dad’s Final Flash. Goku does make a very brief cameo right before the end credits, but it has no baring on the story, because apparently we can’t have a Dragon Ball Z movie without at least one appearance from Goku (Gohan, on the other hand, is completely skipped for the first and only time).

Step aside Krillin, the kids got this one.

Bio-Broly is often cited as the worst movie in the Dragon Ball Z film-verse and I’m actually happy to report that it wasn’t as bad as I expected. It doesn’t look particularly great, having a quality more in-line with the show as opposed to the other movies. There’s some jokes that kind of miss, especially early, and the Mr. Satan stuff does feel a bit redundant at this point. I like that character, for the most part, so it doesn’t bother me that much and I like that it attempts to resolve a plot point from the show. Broly has definitely overstayed his welcome at this point, but at least he’s largely mute in this one and we don’t get any silly “Kakarot!” yells out of him. His bio form is rather lame looking, and you could argue the movie didn’t need him and the bio monster could have been anyone.

In the end, this isn’t my least favorite of the Dragon Ball Z movies. I like that it allows other characters to shine, not just Goten and Trunks, but 18 as well. It’s quick and tidy, but if I had one lingering piece of criticism is why did they have to title it Bio-Broly? If we didn’t know that Broly was incoming it would have actually given that moment a little more weight. It’s setup like a Hollywood thriller, and even the fight is resolved in a similar manner as seen in The Terminator, and spoiling the reveal like that just feels like a waste. Dragon Ball Z rarely gets to surprise, so that’s a missed opportunity. It’s not that big a deal though, and I look forward to reexamining this film in a broader light when I eventually set out to ranking all of this movies when this feature is concluded.

Leave a comment | tags: bio-broly, broly, dbz, dragon ball z, funimation, goku, goten, toei animation, trunks | posted in Dragon Ball Z Movies, Film

September 2, 2018

The Ultimate Danzig Song Ranking – Part III

By Joe

danzig We’ve covered 80 songs by the band Danzig, but still have 49 to go! We’re well past the poor and mediocre and now well into the best songs the band ever recorded. The rankings already have become quite a chore as some of these songs are hard to separate from others, but it must be done!

49. I’m The One (Lucifuge) – Danzig’s ode to classic blues, “I’m The One” is basically just Glenn Danzig singing and John Christ playing an acoustic guitar while Glenn rattles off lyrics about being evil. It’s pure cheese, but the band takes it seriously and is able to pull it off (as long as you’re not watching the video to it in which Glenn wrestles what looks to be a heavily sedated alligator). It’s very different to the rest of the band’s catalogue so it might be a little polarizing, though I think the majority of fans enjoy it.

48. Warlok (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – Another holdover from Blackacidevil that’s a lot better than most of the material on the album. It’s possible it was left off because the main riff is basically a fuzzy version of the “Mother” riff, though Glenn says the engineer he was working with at the time just couldn’t get the song to where he needed it. It’s pretty simple, but catchy and I enjoy the cadence Danzig utilizes for the verse. It’s not similar to his other songs in that respect.

On a wicked night everything is red.

47. On A Wicked Night (Deth Red Sabaoth) – The lead single from 2010’s Deth Red Sabaoth, “On A Wicked Night” was frequently dedicated to former Type O Negative vocalist Peter Steele at live shows (Danzig’s drummer, Johnny Kelly, was the drummer for that band) who passed away shortly before the album came out. It’s a slow one that picks up in intensity and has a big, loud, outro. It’s a frequently used formula, but one that seems to always work. The only negative about this track is the inconsistent production. The vocals sound great on the quiet parts, but when the song gets loud they get drowned out some. The song also almost overstays its welcome, since it doesn’t really have much of a chorus outside of the song’s title, but it knows when to call it quits.

46. Angel of the 7th Dawn (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – Lucifuge is often cited as Danzig’s best album, so suggesting a change to that song’s tracklist feels like sacrilege, but “Angel of the 7th Dawn” has a good case. Even though I’m ranking it ahead of “I’m The One,” I wouldn’t bump that song for it since that track is pretty unique and has its own flavor. This one also isn’t a natural closing track, so I don’t know that I’d knock “Pain in the World” off for it either, but I’d happily give “777” the boot. This one is another rock track with a blues undercurrent, like much of the material from that album. It has a fun little story to it with enough, subtle, hooks. It’s somewhat similar structurally to “Killer Wolf,” so maybe that’s why it was left off. Even though it didn’t make the final album, the title of the song did get to live on as the name of the official fan club for the band, so at least it has that.

45. Last Ride (Black Laden Crown) – The last track we’re going to cover from Black Laden Crown is “Last Ride.” The most recent, and possibly last, album from Danzig managed to sneak a track into the top 50 which is pretty good. If Danzig wants to continue making more original music (there is another covers album of all Elvis songs ready to go) then I think “Last Ride” offers a pretty interesting path for the band. It’s a slow, atmospheric track that feels like it could have been a Johnny Cash song. It’s a voice that fits the current mood of the band which is fronted by a now 60 year old Glenn Danzig. Danzig stays in his range vocally while the band provides a nice backing to his more mature sounding vocals. There’s still metal elements present, so we’re not talking another twangy blues track here, and the ever present Danzig bottom-end is mostly intact as well. As an aside, every time I hear this one I can’t help but think it would make for a cool video package based around WWE’s The Undertaker character.

44. Heart of the Devil (How the Gods Kill) – Unapologetically corny, this song makes its outlandish lyrics work. Danzig wails out some impressive vocals that only touch upon that Cookie Monster voice I’ve been a little tough on. Glenn sings about being evil and he sounds more convincing than ever before. The sound is nice and thick, a testament to old analog recording, and it cracks and sizzle with every beat. There’s a violent, sexy undercurrent that the band has often tried to strive for, but doesn’t always hit the mark. Here it does.

43. See All You Were (Blackacidevil) – This one might have been the hardest track to rank for me. It contains a lot of the elements from Danzig 5 that a majority of fans hated: the vocals are heavily distorted, the instrumentation is mostly electronic, and it’s pretty noisy. It also possesses melody, which a lot of the album decided was no longer cool, and even though it’s hard to hear there’s a great vocal performance here from Glenn. If only a master track was preserved that contained the vocals pre-distortion. I really think with a different direction this one could have potentially made the top 25, but it will have to settle for where it’s at. Probably a polarizing one, as I rarely see it ranked among Danzig 5‘s best, but it’s one I’ve always appreciated.

42. Son of the Morning Star (Danzig IV) – This is another one that goes with a quiet, slow lead-in that eventually explodes. It’s buoyed by an awesome riff on the chorus that’s one of the band’s better mosh pit songs. Or it would be if the band played this one live often, but it’s been relegated more to the filler ranks on Danzig IV. It’s another strong vocal performance from Glenn, which the album is full of.

I said the music video was decent, but it’s still plenty outlandish.

41. Ju Ju Bone (Deth Red Sabaoth) – It’s another song from Deth Red Sabaoth that features a silly sounding name, but like “Black Candy” it also rocks. It even has a decent music video, which is rather rare for a late era Danzig song. It features a throwback riff that could have worked on Lucifuge if the production and tone matched that album. It finds a groove and rides the wave through the song without straying too far from that. Danzig’s vocals rise in intensity to give it some variety and finish. It’s one of my favorites from that album.

40. Am I Demon (Danzig) – One of the band’s earliest headbangers, “Am I Demon” has been a concert staple for 30 years and likely will continue to be. It’s an easy song to get into, and especially live, it packs a punch. In sort of a throw-back to old Misfits songs, the lyrics sound like they’re ripped right from a horror comic as they paint a cartoonishly evil picture of the main character’s visions. If it has a weakness, it’s that it probably goes on a bit too long, but at least it’s able to maintain its intensity throughout.

39. Little Whip (Danzig IV) – Danzig’s ode to BDSM, “Little Whip” takes the start slow and get loud formula and puts it to good use. The song becomes downright relentless towards the end with blast beats and heavy riffs accompanied by Danzig’s howls. The song doesn’t really have a chorus, it’s just the bits I described, but it works because it sounds so ferocious. The band takes itself seriously and avoids straying into cartoonish territory with the lyrics. It’s a great track, though I feel like it gets overlooked on the album sometimes.

38. Anything (How the Gods Kill) – This is one of the odder Danzig tracks because it doesn’t follow the usual lyrical formula. We have no evil boastings, no mention of demons, or any violent imagery of any kind. It’s basically a sweet little love song, though with a hint of desperation. It’s wrapped up in a poppy sounding blanket of sound. There’s a slight rawness to the vocal production on the louder parts and a very clean guitar tone on the solo. It’s atypical Danzig, but it’s catchy. It’s not the type of song most would probably want the band to revisit again and again, but as something of a one-time deal it works.

37. Halo Goddess Bone (I Luciferi) – Some 16 years after the album’s release, I’m still not certain of what the lyrics are to this song. If it was featured in the lyrics book from a few years ago, I’ve forgotten, and if it wasn’t well then maybe it will be in volume 2 (which by the time this entry goes up it may have already been released). Regardless, this is a catchy number from Danzig 7. I don’t know what it’s about, I have no idea what the title refers to, but I do know it’s got some good hooks.

36. Left Hand Rise Above (Deth Red Sabaoth) – The closer to Deth Red Sabaoth, “Left Hand Rise Above” is very similar the closer off of Danzig 7, “Without Light, I Am.” Since it’s not from that album though, it has a simpler sound to the production and mix. The vocal production is dry, which adds a rawness to the song that gives it more gravitas. It’s a bit more believable, though perhaps less impressive overall (hence the ranking where it is), but it’s still a stellar way to close out an album.

35. 1,000 Devils Reign (Circle of Snakes) – It feels like it’s been awhile since we talked about a song off of Circle of Snakes. That album is fairly top-heavy, which actually makes it similar to Blackacidevil in some respects, even though I think it’s overall the superior album. “1,000 Devils Reign” was the lead single, though it didn’t receive an actual physical release nor did it receive a music video. It was a showcase track for all of those worrying that Glenn Danzig’s voice had deteriorated, and the very clean and simple verse was here to announce that Danzig’s trademarked croon was still very much alive. This one mostly maintains a mid-tempo approach. There’s a softness to Danzig’s croon that injects more melody into the track than is really there, and the wailing chorus is just enough to dress it up. It feels very understated, but it works so well. I wish more tracks from this album featured such an approach.

Jerry Cantrell lent his talents to a few tracks on Danzig V, most prominently on “Come to Silver.”

34. Come to Silver (Blackacidevil) – When Danzig 5 dropped, most fans were turned off. The one consistent though was the near universal praise fans heaped on this track, “Come to Silver.” Originally written for Johnny Cash, it was either rejected by Cash or just didn’t get recorded for one reason or another. Possibly complicating things was Danzig’s departure from Cash’s label. Either way, it’s presented here by Danzig and features some impressive lead guitar work by Alice in Chains axeman Jerry Cantrell. It’s similar in approach to the previously covered “Thirteen,” but the subject matter is more grounded. And since this is Danzig 5, there’s also plenty of industrial elements at play. The vocals are only mildly distorted, which actually gives the song a sort of “cold” feel to it. The drum pattern sounds electronic and it’s coated in fuzz, but the guitar work helps to elevate this one. The industrial elements mostly work to add a barren mood to the song, and I actually prefer it to the stripped-down acoustic version present on The Lost Tracks of Danzig.

33. Brand New God (Danzig IV) – Probably the best song Danzig could open a show with. This one is near relentless speed metal, an uncompromising track that’s fairly unique for the band. Sure, the band would play fast and heavy at times, but not usually to this degree. “7th House” kind of tried to mimic this one, but it sacrificed all semblance of melody in the process and mostly missed the mark. “Brand New God” knows when to pause and give the listener a break, bringing in a melodic bridge before going right back into the heaviness. It’s a total red herring though as an album intro since the rest of Danzig IV is mostly slow and brooding, but what a way to start.

32. Blood & Tears (Lucifuge) – For as heavy and evil sounding as Danzig can be, the band is quite proficient when it comes to ballads. This is the band’s first, and in Glenn Danzig’s career before this really nothing sounded like it. The closest may have been “To Walk the Night,” while another track “In the Doorway” still had yet to be released. “Blood & Tears” has a real 50’s vibe to it, a little bit of Elvis with a little bit of The Everly Brothers. It was a real surprise the first time I heard it, and even though I was a hardcore metal kid, I loved it from the start. The main guitar lick is playful yet somber, and Glenn’s vocals give the song a morose feel and he’s able to resist the urge to take the song some place it’s not meant to go. There’s just enough power in his voice making this one of the band’s best attempts at a ballad.

31. Black Angel/White Angel (Circle of Snakes) – Our last song to rank from “Circle of Snakes” is also the album’s final track. “Black Angel/White Angel” is a fairly quick and dirty number, not the usual type of song for the band to go out on, but also not unprecedented. The lyrics are a warning, and the way the song builds underneath them help achieve a crescendo effect when the chorus comes blazing in. The guitar tone and bass are much lighter in tone on this one when compared with the rest of the album making it sound like it’s almost from another session. It’s some-what surprising it made the album over “Lady Lucifera” for that reason, though given where I ranked that one I’m obviously happy that wasn’t the case.

John Christ and Eerie Von are the same person.

30. Her Black Wings (Lucifuge) – Another concert staple is “Her Black Wings.” The video is relatively tame so it featured some mild airplay on MTV, though this was well before the band’s popularity peaked. Everyone who knows Danzig knows the main riff of this one as it signals the oncoming arrival of this demonic woman who apparently has a pair of impressive wings. This song knows its strengths, and sticks with it, as that driving melody is what sustains the song. It’s what brings it in, and what takes it out. Danzig’s vocals sound great, and while the chorus may be a tad on the dull side, the whole thing still feels good when it all comes together.

29. Deth Red Moon (Deth Red Sabaoth) – Another track that perhaps borrows a little from “Mother,” this melodic little number serving as the mid-point of Deth Red Sabaoth is one of the standout tracks from that album. The vocals are soft and understated, similar to “1,000 Devils Reign,” with even the chorus being somewhat reminiscent of that song as well. A catchy verse with a Danzig wailing chorus is a pretty solid formula for a song. It’s almost too easy, which is perhaps why there’s usually only one or two songs per album that go with that formula.

28. Dying Seraph (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – What an omission this was from I Luciferi! This is a very quiet song with a big chorus. Apparently about a dying angel, there’s a mild jazz undercurrent to the verse that’s really different for a Danzig song. I can only assume it was left off of the album because Danzig felt it just didn’t fit with the rest of the material, but it would have been a real highlight on the album. There’s still another song from these sessions we have yet to get to that also should have been included. Other than maybe Lucifuge, I Luciferi was the album that probably had the best songs removed from it. Thank Satan we have The Lost Tracks of Danzig!

27. Left Hand Black (How the Gods Kill) – This is a rebellious hard rock track that probably should be a concert mainstay, but for some reason is not. It’s all about challenging the gods with a hand clad in black. Because of that imagery it naturally lends itself to comparisons with the Samhain track “Lords of the Left Hand,” but this one is so much better and sounds entirely different. It’s one of the faster and heavier tracks on How the Gods Kill (at least with the chorus) and it’s in a great position on the album. It would have also been a good lead track if it didn’t already have an excellent lead track in “Godless.”

26. Dominion (Danzig IV) – I think this one is intended as filler for Danzig IV, but it’s one of my favorites from that album and maybe the most overlooked gem of the entire Danzig catalogue. It’s fairly somber, but the chorus is damn effective and catchy. It has a similar mood to a lot of the first half of the album as the song’s voice is depressing and defeated, but there’s also a hidden power there as well. There’s also some nice guitar work by John Christ who was possibly taken out of his comfort zone on this album, but still manages to shine brightly (or darkly).

25. Without Light, I Am (I Luciferi) – Another big closer, I consider this the unofficial middle song of a three song trilogy beginning with “Let it be Captured” and ending with “Left Hand Rise Above.” This one has more bombast while still being an evil ballad of sorts. A nice riff brings in the chorus, which is a fairly straightforward shouting chorus that belies where the song is heading. This one is all about the outro, where Danzig wails the song’s title with ever increasing intensity My only complaint is that it just fades out and I wish there was more finality to the song.

24. Ashes (Blackacidevil) – The closing number to the original Danzig 5, this one is unlike most Danzig closers because it starts quiet and it stays quiet. The song only slightly teases that it might go somewhere else with Glenn’s voice rising ever so slightly at times. He also utilizes something closer to falsetto, and this is probably the highest we’ve ever heard Glenn go. It’s a real downer track, so how much you enjoy that mood will likely influence your enjoyment of it. There’s no vocal distortion at all, and the music is basically some electronic wind sounds, a very subtle electronic bass, and some piano. I think it’s unquestionably the best song on Blackacidevil and also its most interesting, even though the rest of the album sounds nothing like it.

23. Hammer of the Gods (Deth Red Sabaoth) – The polar opposite of our last entry, “Hammer of the Gods” is a heavy intro song that has no interest in compromise or “let-up” in it. As the title implies, it dabbles in Norse mythology which is not well-trod territory for Danzig and it’s a nice change of pace. This song really should have taken over as the concert opener, and yet it still plays second fiddle to “Skin Carver.” The world is unjust.

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A lot of blue in this one.

22. How the Gods Kill (How the Gods Kill) – Is this one not high enough? I’m not sure, but it’s the one I feel the most iffy about. It’s one of the band’s biggest crowd pleasers off of one of its most recognizable albums. I think I’ve listened to it so much that maybe I’m a little biased against it, but it basically takes the Danzig “big song” formula of slow, quiet intro, into big explosive middle section that goes back to the cool sounding opener to close things out. Also in the middle is a screeching section of pinch harmonics, which it seems some fans are a little down on in the modern Danzig releases, but don’t seem to hold against this track. It’s a truly classic Danzig cut and if you want to move it up on this list I won’t really fight you on it.

21. Bringer of Death (Danzig IV) – Sometimes it’s all about placement. I am an album guy, I don’t really listen to compilations, greatest hits, shuffle mode, or custom playlists. This track arrives after a series of slow to mid tempo songs with a depressing tone and brings back the Danzig swagger with an explosive sound. Machine gun fire leads into a similar machine-gun-like riff in which Danzig equates God with the Devil. The song pauses briefly for a bridge, before howling back into the speed metal of the first part. It’s a similar structure to “Brand New God,” and I personally love how the second half of the album starts off similar to the first. It’s a great listening experience for you album enthusiasts out there and a reason why Danzig IV is my overall favorite release from the band.

20. Soul on Fire (Danzig) – One of the best songs off of the debut album, “Soul on Fire” has a bit of a sexy swagger to it despite not overtly going for that with its lyrics. It has a deliberate pace and structure, but the play of the verse with the guitar solos and chorus compliment one another perfectly. There’s also an understated saxophone on the chorus which should feel out of place, but it’s timed just right. It’s also arguably the best vocal performance from Glenn on the first album, and the more I think about this one the more I am doubting myself for ranking it here and not higher. I have a feeling I’ll be rethinking all of the top 20 as we move along because these songs are just so hard to separate.

Danzig getting political.

19. Cantspeak (Danzig IV) – The lead single for Danzig IV, this song had a lot riding on it since it was the follow-up to “Mother ’93” which had been a surprise hit for the band. The label sunk a ton of money into the music video which featured stop-motion effects and some primitive CG. The song itself though was an odd choice. It’s a slow, depressing number in which the song’s voice is essentially suicidal and is left practically comatose thanks to the state of current events. This was the 90s so depressing was certainly in, but this was depressing without a pop chorus. It felt more like the deep cut fans were supposed to gush about as a reason for buying the album instead of just consuming the singles. Perhaps “Dominion” would have made for a better single as that has more of a pop flourish to pair with its dark tone, but that wasn’t the case here. The song itself is really interesting though as the guitar is just the guitar recording for the song “Let it be Captured” played backwards. There’s also some vocal distortion on the chorus, and the song always feels like it’s building towards a crescendo that never truly comes.

18. Sistinas (How the Gods Kill) – The ballad of Danzig III, “Sistinas” is basically a love song, but it does have a slight darkness to it. It’s Danzig’s most Elvis sounding song and I’ve even had more than one person walk in on me listening to it and ask if it was an Elvis track. It’s simple, but pleasant, with a nice vocal performance. My favorite thing about this song though is that it was the favorite Danzig song of a friend of mine back in high school. This was a heavy-set kid with a limp, green mohawk more known for listening to crust punk, but he loved Danzig. He would sometimes sing this song aloud, off key, much to my amusement.

17. The Coldest Sun (I Luciferi) – One of the oddest, and best, songs from Danzig 7. It has a very heavy riff that brings the song in before turning into an odd industrial track with some weird vocal distortion. It then brings in a crunchy, heavy section, that gives way to a soaring, epic, chorus that showcases Danzig’s vocals. It is perhaps the best chorus he’s ever recorded. Without it, the song is probably mediocre, but instead it’s one of the best. It’s a chorus that I can’t get enough of, and the song wisely only gives you a taste of it so it doesn’t become diminished. I love it so much that it’s been my ringtone for the last 10 years.

16. Snakes of Christ (Lucifuge) – One of the band’s early “Jesus is just as bad as Satan” songs, “Snakes of Christ” owes a lot to Black Sabbath as it’s kind of groovy in its evil. A fist-thrusting, head banging tune, “Snakes of Christ” has long been a fan-favorite and concert mainstay for the band ever since its release. Years after its release Glenn Danzig would allege that Stone Temple Pilots ripped off this song with “Sex Type Thing,” which adds some additional notoriety to it.

If you look closely, you can see Danzig advertised on the cover of Comix Zone.

15. Going Down to Die (Danzig IV) – A showcase for Glenn Danzig’s vocals, this song’s title also tells you all you need to know about the subject of the song. There’s some imagery of the River Styx and a feeling of fatigue as the voice of the song makes its way into the afterlife. I love how the song paces itself, with some drum crashes mid-verse and a big chorus. This song also features one of John Christ’s best guitar solos he contributed to the band as it’s sweeping and melodic while containing plenty of technical proficiency. If you happened to be a Sega Genesis gamer back in the mid-90s and purchased the game Comix Zone you received a sample CD with this song as the lead-off track. Aside from this song though, the rest of that disc was pretty bad.

14. Godless (How the Gods Kill) – Maybe the best album opener Danzig has recorded, though there are a lot of them and some still to come on this ranking. “Godless” packs a punch right from the start, but it slows things down as the vocals come in. The faster section returns and the song really cooks, to borrow a phrase from the 50s, before ending with a weird prayer of sorts. I love John Christ’s guitar work on this one and Chuck Biscuit’s drumming is what brings the whole thing together. Danzig’s vocals are also great, though a little low in the mix at times. It’s a great song though, and the rebellious subject matter made it one of my favorite songs when I was a teen, and some 20 years later, it still does it for me.

Since this is a Danzig list, it feels appropriate to cut this part off here and do a top 13 instead of a top 10. Plus we’re over 4,500 words as even though I try to be brief with my description of each track, I apparently still say too much. Check back on Tuesday, as we pause for Dragon Ball Z Movie Monday, when we’ll be wrapping this feature up with the best songs of Danzig!

Leave a comment | tags: chuck biscuits, eerie von, glenn danzig, how the gods kill, jerry cantrell, john christ, johnny cash, lucifuge, samhain, the misfits | posted in Danzig, Music

September 1, 2018

The Ultimate Danzig Song Ranking – Part II

By Joe

images-240 Two days ago we covered the first 40 songs of this countdown. In the span of those 40 songs we mostly covered the truly bad, the less bad, and the mediocre. We’re now into the songs that I think are objectively good, or at least solid, which bodes well since we still have 89 songs to go! If you’re just hopping in and want an explanation for how I arrived at these songs, check out part one, because away we go:

89. Satan’s Child (Satan’s Child) – Our final entry in part 1 was for the song “Unspeakable,” also off of Satan’s Child. This song is practically the same. Very sparse verse with an equally simple chorus that’s stretched out by elongating a syllable or two. They’re so similar it must be why they were pretty far apart on the album. The only real difference for “Satan’s Child” is it has a bridging pre-chorus, the “Turn it up/Turn it loose” part. They’re both effective tracks, I just prefer this one slightly more.

88. But a Nightmare (Black Laden Crown) – “But a Nightmare” relies on a groove to drive it along. Very 70s sounding, it doesn’t attempt to do too much, but what it does it does well. It picks up in intensity as it moves along, and it’s just a solid head-banger.

87. Malefical (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – Another big bottom-end song that ended up on the Last Tracks compilation. “Malefical” started off as “Malefical Bride of Hell” and it doesn’t sound like the song changed much with the name change as the song is essentially about a malefical (sic) bride of Hell. It’s slow, but thunderous, and quite evil sounding. The type of song Glenn has written more than once, but always seems to work on some level.

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Danzig with one of the stars of the “She Rides” video.

86. She Rides (Danzig) – The album that inspired this ranking makes its debut in part II. “She Rides” is possibly most famous for its lurid music video that MTV wouldn’t air. I also hear it’s rather popular in strip clubs. It has a nice groove to it, and while the lyrics are perhaps cartoonishly sexy, they mostly work. It just drags on a little too long and overstays its welcome and might be too on the nose in its approach, but it’s mostly a nice little break on the first album since its tempo is noticeably more deliberate than the other songs on the album.

85. Naked Witch (I Luciferi) – Thematically similar to our last entry, “Naked Witch” is a bit of a jam track only held back by some iffy production, in particular the vocals. It rolls along with nice intensity and drummer Joey Castillo is unleashed in a nice showcase. Really, with better production on the vocals and maybe better lyrics on the outro, this one would leap several spots on this ranking.

84. Pyre of Souls (Deth Red Sabaoth) – If the two halves of “Pyre of Souls” are considered one song, then it’s the longest Danzig song recorded. It basically relies on a simple melody that is repeated throughout. In part one, that melody is played on an acoustic guitar with some piano flourishes. Part two switches those instruments out for the traditional electric guitar/bass combo while Danzig bellows out his vocals from the back of a flying demon. At least, that’s how I picture him in my head with fire flaring all about. It’s another good groove track that probably didn’t need to be as long as it is, but it mostly works.

83. Lilin (Satan’s Child) – Apparently we’re in the part of the list of slow, brooding, groove tracks because we have another here in “Lilin.” This one separates itself by being more of an industrial rock track, one of the more overtly so from Satan’s Child. It’s another long track too, by Danzig standards, and might also have the best lyrics of any song from this album as they’re very descriptive and work well to conjure an image in one’s mind. Yes, it’s about another sexy snake girl, though with a tragic spin as there’s a slight hint of sorrow in Danzig’s vocals. It’s enough to vault this one up a few pegs, and the chorus is really catchy.

82. Lick the Blood Off My Hands (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – I’m still unclear if this is a Danzig 5 holdover or a Danzig 6 one, either way it probably should have been included on the album it was recorded for. This song is, stop me if you’ve heard me say this before, another groove track that rests in a slow to mid-tempo range. It doesn’t boast much variety, but it works with what it does. I can’t decide if the song should have featured a true crescendo towards the end or if it was better to resist and keep it in its lane.

81. Blackness Falls (Black Laden Crown) – A lot of Black Laden Crown offers solid structuring without much reliance on hooks or even a chorus. “Blackness Falls” is no different in that regard, but it follows the script a bit better than some of the other songs on the album and it has a nice punch to it.

Johnny Cash was the first to record the song “Thirteen,” even though it was written by Glenn.

80. Thirteen (Satan’s Child) – The only song written and performed by Danzig that was first recorded and released by someone else. That someone being Johnny Cash for his album American Recordings. For his version, Danzig restored a verse Cash omitted and added some atmospheric elements which creates an image of a sullen vagabond roaming through a desert or something. There’s a lot of wind effects which makes me think of dryness, but maybe it was supposed to create a cooling feeling. Director of The Hangover Todd Phillips must agree with me since he used the song over a desert montage to open that film. The song’s placement there lead to a minor renaissance for it and Danzig started playing it live, which was pretty cool. It may have also lead to it being a little overrated since that was the most exposure a Danzig song has received since “Mother.”

79. Girl (Lucifuge) – Maybe the best example of filler from Danzig II, “Girl” is more or less a straight up rock track. It’s trying to be sexual in the same manner as “She Rides,” though its probably less successful. It’s catchier though, but I wish it had more of a chorus as Danzig kind of just wails like he didn’t know what to do. A filler track for Lucifuge is still a pretty good track though.

78. Five Finger Crawl (Satan’s Child) – We’re almost out of tracks from this album, but this one was the lead-off hitter, so to speak. There’s some slight distortion on the vocals, and the omnipresent whisper track is utilized, but it all builds to an excellent outro where Glenn’s vocals are freed from all of that. I kind of wish more of the album sounded like this one, or at least the last 30 seconds of it, but beggar’s can’t be choosers.

77. The Mandrake’s Cry (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – This one is a bit an odd duck as the subject matter, a mandrake, doesn’t strike me as Danzig material. It feels more like Harry Potter, though since this was recorded for Danzig IV I think we can rule out any influence there (plus I very much doubt Danzig partakes in that franchise). It’s a fun little track, and for awhile it was one of my favorites from disc one of this collection. I think I got a little sick of it, but it gets my head bobbing every time I revisit it. It’s also another track that may have necessitated some new vocals before release as Glenn sounds more like 2007 Glenn than 1994 Glenn.

76. The Violet Fire (Thrall-Demonsweatlive) – One of two original tracks from the Thrall EP, I also waver between which of the two I prefer. They’re both kind of quick and dirty songs that probably didn’t spend much time in the cooker. They both work though, and “The Violet Fire” separates itself from its album-mate by having a slower tempo in which Glenn practically purrs his vocals throughout the verse. There’s some nice drum work in the end by Chuck Biscuits which brings the whole thing home.

A still from the “Black Hell” video that closes out The Legacy TV Taping.

75. Black Hell (The Hangover II Motion Picture Soundtrack) – The only song from a movie soundtrack to appear on our list, “Black Hell” has yet to have an opportunity to jump to a proper Danzig release. It did get a music video as part of The Legacy TV Taping which was trapped on Vimeo, but is now unavailable (I think). It’s similar to “Thirteen” in that it seems to be channelling some Johnny Cash imagery, but it’s a more fully fleshed-out Danzig tune. I wish I could say the rest of the soundtrack was good, but if you’re a Danzig fan I guess it won’t matter. It’s also probably pretty cheap at this point if you’re looking for used copies.

74. Cold Eternal (Satan’s Child) – The last song from Satan’s Child to appear in our list, giving that album a bit of a dubious honor as its the first to be completed. This also means it’s the best song from that album. It’s probably the most unique as it’s very slow, somewhat sorrowful, and features an abundant use of slide guitar. Session guitarist Jeff Chambers apparently used a ginseng bottle to achieve the effect, and it sounds pretty neat as it’s slightly unpleasant which adds to the song’s mood. A solid, though perhaps understated, vocal performance rounds things out. It’s a song that never explodes, and it doesn’t need to.

73. Until You Call on the Dark (Danzig IV) – Another Danzig song, another music video rejected by MTV. This one is notable since it came after “Mother,” and the video wasn’t all that bad. I think it did end up getting shown a few times, but not as much as “Cantspeak” or “I Don’t Mind the Pain.” This is a slow jam with a nice guitar lick. Glenn keeps in time with the drum pattern and the chorus features a simple, but catchy, guitar riff as well. If on a lesser album, it might have stood out more, but on Danzig IV it ends up being one of the lesser tracks.

72. Skulls & Daisies (Black Laden Crown) – Danzig conjures up the mystique of an old story-teller on this one, recounting some tale about a girl picking skulls and daisies. Like a lot of Danzig lyrics, it’s probably inspired by some old folktale or B-movie, but I’m not certain of where it comes from. This is a song that manages to be catchy without having a chorus. It’s reminiscent of “Ju Ju Bone,” though that song is able to place higher because it actually does feature a chorus. Nonetheless, this song was frequently cited by fans as being one of the standout tracks from the most recent Danzig release.

71. Skull Forest (Circle of Snakes) – This haunting little tune from Circle of Snakes was supposedly inspired by a dream Glenn had in which he saw his father’s head imbedded in a tree. Pretty creepy, but perhaps tame compared to his other dreams? This one has Glenn almost talking over the verse rather than singing, but it builds into a trademarked wailing Danzig chorus. Simple and effective.

Most fans were introduced to “When Death Had No Name” via the band’s home video.

70. When Death Had No Name (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – Originally released on the first Danzig home video, the song was properly released as a B-Side to “Dirty Black Summer” in 92, albeit a different version. Both versions were included on The Lost Tracks of Danzig and of the two I would say the 1992 version is superior. It’s slightly slower, but more methodic. It leans heavy on its main riff for much of the song’s duration before things pick up towards the end. Perhaps a little too long, it’s still a really cool track with some biblical imagery with a neat story to it.

69. Pain in the World (Lucifuge) – This is a song I’ve always wanted to like more than I do. It’s the closing track on Danzig II, and it’s meant to be an epic track with a similar style to “When Death Had No Name.” It’s just never quite clicked for me, and maybe it’s because I think it’s better than it is I’m ranking it this high. As someone who enjoys long compositions, I find myself losing interest in this one about halfway through. It might just a be a case of this being the most overtly Black Sabbath-like of all of the tracks on Lucifuge, when the rest of the album really didn’t sound like a Sabbath inspired release. Maybe it should have been flipped with the closer to How the Gods Kill, the more bluesy “When the Dying Calls,” and it would have felt more at home. Or maybe it’s just a failing in my own personal taste.

68. It’s Coming Down (Thrall-Demonsweatlive) – The other original track from the Thrall EP, “It’s Coming Down” is the more popular of the two because it’s been played live during many tours and also received a rather infamous music video (don’t watch it if you can’t stomach genital mutilation). This one is more up-tempo than “The Violet Fire,” making it a more natural setlist inclusion. It comes in, blows off the doors, and exits fairly quickly before you can get tired of the formula. A quick and dirty piece of early 90s metal.

67. Black Laden Crown (Black Laden Crown) – The title track from what is currently the last Danzig album, “Black Laden Crown” is one part album opener and one part bitching metal track. The first half of the song has a sort of black mass kind of vibe to it (not to be confused with the song of the same name), while the second half is an instrumental head-banger. I love the mood it sets for the album, but I’m not sure the rest of it lives up to the beginning. I also wish there was some sort of vocal pay-off during that last part. Even with the flaws, I think it would have made for an interesting way to start the live shows on that tour, as opposed to sticking with “Skin Carver.”

66. Angel Blake (I Luciferi) – Thematically, this one is a throwback to The Misfits days of song-writing for Glenn as its origins are in some campy movie. Musically it’s not at all like a Misfits track, and even by Danzig standards, it’s fairly unique. There’s a clean guitar tone used on most of it with Glenn’s voice doubled or tripled-up on. It has that ethereal quality I mentioned on “Firemass” because of its lighter tone. The chorus brings in a crunchy bottom-end though, so this one does pack a punch. The recorder solo might also be a first for Danzig.

65. End of Time (Danzig) – This is probably the softest track from the debut album, though the subject matter is hardly fluffy. “End of Time” is about a damned individual and it starts off as a fairly straight-forward rock track which brings in this sweet sounding lyrical bridge before a thunderous chorus. It’s perfectly paced, and in the right spot on the album too. I suppose it would be considered album “filler,” and if so it’s certainly a quality filler track.

64. Dirty Black Summer (How the Gods Kill) – This one was probably the first single to get any sort of consistent airplay on MTV. It was hardly a hit, but if you tuned into Headbanger’s Ball around release you probably saw it. It features what I would call a typical Danzig riff, but it dresses it up enough to form something catchy. Glenn does this odd vocal hiccup in between lines during the chorus, which definitely is a unique touch for the song. I know a few who find this one a bit annoying as it might be the most commercial sounding song Glenn has ever released, but I’ve always found it rather catchy.

63. Pull the Sun (Black Laden Crown) – The closing track from Black Laden Crown follows the same general format as a lot of Danzig closers. It’s a slow to mid tempo track with a wailing chorus, though the chorus isn’t leaned on as heavily as it is with “Left Hand Rise Above” or “Without Light, I Am.” The novelty of this song structure has some-what worn off as a result, which is why this one is ranked behind those two tracks. It’s a great song on its own though that is perhaps just missing one special, hard to pin down, ingredient to make it truly exceptional which is how I feel about a lot of the material from this album.

62. Satan’s Crucifiction (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – This one is essentially a joke song, but it’s so heavy and so evil that it actually works. This song is all about the bottom end and it’s particularly brutal. And I think knowing the lyrics were intended as a joke makes them work better than if they seemed sincere. Truly, they’re not all that much more campy than some of the “real” songs Danzig has put out. And in case you need a refresher, this one was recorded after the success of “Mother” when the label requested the new album not be “Satanic.” Supposedly, the joke had the desired effect.

61. Rebel Spirits (Deth Red Sabaoth) – One of the more understated songs from Deth Red Sabaoth, “Rebel Spirits” settles into that mid-tempo groove we know so well but it kicks things up with the chorus. The vocal production could have been better, but it’s not as bad as other Danzig songs out there. It has this apocalyptic quality to the drumming compliments of Johnny Kelly and the subject matter is very appropriate for Danzig.

60. I Luciferi (I Luciferi) – This is one of Danzig’s shortest songs, but it does all that it needs to in its brief runtime. “I Luciferi” takes a fun guitar riff and dresses it up with cartoonishly Satanic imagery that morphs into a hard-hitting chorus complete with a nice, dense, crunchy, guitar riff. I’ve always enjoyed this rockin’ little number and it makes for a good title track.

59. Possession (Danzig) – Originally recorded with Samhain, “Possession” might be known more for featuring guest backing vocals by Metallica’s James Hetfield. The version from Danzig is much better than what was included in the Samhain Box Set. It has that simple blues-rock base to it featured prominently on the debut album with a rolling, thunderous chorus. The subject matter may border on misogyny, but it’s more of a power fantasy than anything. It definitely was more effective at captivating me as a teenager than as an adult.

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The video for “Crawl Across Your Killing Floor” featured a rather interesting concept, but the execution was pretty lackluster.

58. Crawl Across Your Killing Floor (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – Guitarist Todd Youth dazzles on this piece of atmospheric, vagabond, music. It’s the best song to come out of the Danzig 6 sessions, and yet I kind of understand why it was left off the album. It doesn’t fit well with the rest of the album. I suppose they could have bumped “Thirteen” for it and it would have made for a similar closer, but at least it finally saw the light of day with The Lost Tracks of Danzig.

57. Liberskull (I Luciferi) – Another kind of “off its era” cut from I Luciferi, “Liberskull” relies on a “Korn” riff to hum along and leans heavy on its catchy chorus. The chorus is similar in structure to “Satan’s Child” in that it relies on a long wail, but it’s arguably what Glenn Danzig does best. The very nu-metal sound to this one used to lead to me referring to it as a guilty pleasure, but now I feel I’ve grown beyond such silly notions and it’s just a song I like.

56. The Revengeful (Deth Red Sabaoth) – Pinch harmonics city! If you dislike Danzig’s reliance on that guitar technique, then “The Revengeful” might grate on you a bit. I have neither a strong dislike nor a particular fondness for them, and “The Revengeful” straddles the line of practical taste. It’s a good fist-pumper that really helps sustain the momentum of Deth Red Sabaoth following the rocking opener “Hammer of the Gods.” It was also the B-Side to the album’s first single though surprisingly it never became a concert staple where it feels like a role it was born to play.

55. NetherBound (Circle of Snakes) – “NetherBound” is often cited as a favorite from Circle of Snakes. It has a somber tone and enjoys existing in the mid-tempo range. It’s very simple with a dry production sound that gives it an older texture, which fits the song’s mood. The melody is pleasant, and Danzig’s vocals are almost sweet sounding, a good penultimate track for the album.

54. Stalker Song (Danzig IV) – One of Danzig’s creepier songs, the title basically lets you know what it’s about. Glenn lets his vocals take center stage, something it feels he was more willing to do during this era of the band, and it’s what helps carry the song. It’s fairly simple in its execution, but those Danzig wails that sustain the closing moments are what puts it all together. I liked this song more as a teen when the subject matter felt more risqué, but as an adult I still start belting out the lines with Glenn when I’m driving in my car (alone).

53. When the Dying Calls (How the Gods Kill) – A little southern sludge closes out Danzig’s third album, and if it weren’t for the inconsistent production, it possibly could have rated higher. Danzig’s vocals have an almost R&B flow to them throughout the verse that gives the song a very playful quality and it courses along to a big finish. It’s during that big finish where the vocal production sounds off, as if Danzig is going louder than the master intended. I suppose it’s not surprising this album had some issues in that department since it was the first Rick Rubin supposedly had little involvement with. It’s a minor thing though as the song still rocks.

52. Black Candy (Deth Red Sabaoth) – The title may seem off-putting and silly, but this is one heavy-ass track. Glenn handles the drumming, and it’s like he had something to prove. It’s not a complex drum pattern utilized, but it is loud and powerful. He really beats the Hell out of the skins and relies a lot on the double bass and it’s what gives the song its character. Danzig’s voice is able to keep up with it too and manages to not get drowned out. Glenn must have really admired Chuck Biscuits when he was with the band as his style is a little similar with a no fills approach. The rest of the song is appropriately dense and this one is almost a sonic overload which makes up for its lack of true hooks.

A band shot from the video for “Dirty Black Summer” during the How the Gods Kill era.

51. Do You Wear the Mark? (How the Gods Kill) – Almost a straight rip-off of Sabbath’s “Into the Void,” “Do You Wear the Mark?” at least does well by that old riff in crafting another dangerously dark Danzig tune. It’s so blatant though which is why I’ve never had much sympathy for Glenn anytime he mentions someone ripping him off (most notably Stone Temple Pilots). This one has always worked really well as a concert song, and the finish is great. I don’t know why, but I love the inclusion of the word “darling” amongst the song title’s question. Maybe because it subconsciously reminds me of “Die, Die, My Darling” or maybe because it just works. I’ll always associate this song with my first Danzig show in 2000 when an old guy probably in his sixties strutted into the show late. Wearing his white hair in a ponytail and clad in a beaten up leather jacket, he stood stoically as the band went through its set. When this song hit though that man opened up and just started going off. I hope he’s still rocking out to Danzig somewhere.

50. Not of this World (Danzig) – One of the band’s old concert staples that usually closed out shows, this one is the second track off the band’s debut album and it still kicks a lot of ass today. The production on the studio version is almost a bit too simple and bare bones. It has its tempo and it works well with it, but live the band plays it faster and that’s where it really comes alive. If they could have captured that intensity for the studio it probably would have vaulted the song higher, but it’s still a great track no matter how you experience it.

We’re going to cut this one off here. We’ve got 49 songs left to get through and I anticipate that being split into two parts. Check back tomorrow for Part III as we continue our sonic exploration of every Danzig song ever.

Leave a comment | tags: chuck biscuits, glenn danzig, how the gods kill, james hetfield, joey castillo, johnny cash, lucifuge, metallica, rick rubin, satan's child, the hangover, todd phillips, todd youth | posted in Danzig, Music

August 31, 2018

Batman: The Animated Series – “I Am The Night”

By Joe

I_Am_the_Night-Title_Card Episode Number: 49

Original Air Date: November 9, 1992

Directed by: Boyd Kirkland

Written by: Michael Reaves

First Appearance(s): The Jazzman

“I Am The Night” is perhaps our most introspective episode thus far. It borrows its title from the “catch phrase” Batman used to psyche himself up and overcome The Scarecrow’s fear toxin way back in episode 3. It’s a very melodramatic episode where Batman, facing a crisis, ponders his own worth. Should he let the past murder of his parents dictate his life? Is he really making a difference in Gotham by being Batman? Because it’s so heavily focused on the Batman character, this is an episode that doesn’t need a big name villain, so we get The Jazzman (Brian George) instead. He’s pretty much a run-of-the-mill Gotham City gangster type. He doesn’t have an outlandish gimmick, though he is fond of music puns. The episode also returns both Leslie Thompkins (Diana Muldaur) and Barbara Gordon (Melissa Gilbert), with the latter showing further signs of the woman she will become.

A tired Batman.

The episode opens in the Batcave. A weary Batman is seated staring down at his feet as Alfred enters the picture with a newspaper and what looks to be coffee. Batman remarks he’s tired, and not just physically as Alfred comments on how little he’s slept in recent days. The newspaper brings more depressing news. The Penguin, presumably caught doing something illegal by Batman, has had his conviction overturned and will be set free. Batman angrily tosses the paper aside while questioning if he’s making a difference. Alfred is reassuring, but apparently not convincing. He hands over “it” which Batman had requested – a long yellow box.

Our villain of the day is the Jazzman. You don’t need to know anything about him.

Our attention shifts to some kid working a street corner. His street name is Wizard (voiced by a teenaged Seth Green) and he’s conning folks for spare change under the guise of needing bus faire to get home. The camera pans on a gift shop selling Batman merchandise that Wizard scoffs at. We’re also shown that Commissioner Gordon and Detective Bullock are positioned outside a building with a bunch of armed cops. The Jazzman is inside apparently conducting a big time drug deal and they’re just waiting on Batman, but he’s occupied. It’s the anniversary of the murder of the Waynes, and Dr. Thompkins is at the scene waiting for Batman. When he arrives he confesses he wonders each year if he should be doing this, if this year should be the last. It’s a similar conversation to the one he had with Alfred. And like Alfred, Thompkins is reassuring, though I’m a little surprised that as a friend to Bruce’s parents she doesn’t try to persuade him to hang up the tights.

As Batman finishes up his ritual of laying a pair of roses at the spot of the crime, a commotion gets his attention. Wizard is being accosted by a couple of thugs. Apparently, they allow him to work that little corner for money, but he’s supposed to pay up. Things are about to get out of hand when Batman steps in and puts a stop to it. Wizard is not impressed, but Batman grabs him by the collar and asks Leslie if there’s room for one more at the house she works at.

This is hardly the time for a nap, Jim.

Meanwhile, the bust has taken a turn. Jazzman was setting up the police as he’s got a vendetta against Gordon for a prior arrest. He and his associates open fire on police, and things are getting out of hand. Batman finally shows up, striking a rather impressive pose atop the building the Jazzman is occupying. Using one of his many ropes, he runs alongside the building tossing tear gas into the windows. This flushes out the bad guys and Bullock and the police are able to apprehend the Jazzman. When he turns to celebrate with Gordon, we get our second “Oh, my God,” of the series as Bullock sees Gordon lying face down on the ground. Batman sees it too, and the look of shock on his face is surprisingly emotive for a man in a mask.

Paying a visit to a fallen friend.

Gordon is rushed to a nearby hospital and stabilized. A news report is played to relay just what happened. They never actually say Gordon was shot, but they mention removing a bullet from him that was matched to the weapon the Jazzman was using. Gordon is placed in the ICU, and Batman soon pays a visit. It’s surprisingly easy for Batman to enter through the window even though an armed guard has been placed outside Gordon’s door. He apologizes to the unconscious Gordon and blames himself. Barbara Gordon emerges from the shadows to console Batman and assure him it isn’t his fault. Bullock bursts in with the opposite opinion. He berates Batman, blaming him for not sniffing out the setup to begin with and for being late to the action. He screams at him, and Batman offers only a small amount of resistance before leaving out the window he came in while Bullock hollers challenges at him.

Batman returns to the Batcave and does what every protagonist in a melodrama would do – he smashes stuff. Alfred apparently knew to stay away as he never interrupts. The Jazzman is then shown being ordered held without bail, but at a prison outside of Gotham due to overcrowding. He quickly puts a plan into motion that allows him to escape. Apparently jails around Gotham suffer from the same problems as the ones in Gotham. He’s not satisfied with wounding Gordon and wants to “send him to Harpland,” so he’s hellbent on returning to Gotham to finish the job.

Man wasn’t supposed to live in darkness, Bruce.

Dick enters the Batcave at Alfred’s insistence in hopes of cheering up Bruce. He’s been down in the cave for days. Dick finds him, still in costume, and the two rehash what happened. Like the others, Dick tries to assure Bruce of his worth, but he won’t hear it. He sneaks in the tidbit that Gordon is the same age as his father, adding a little gravitas to the situation and hinting that Bruce looks to Jim as a father figure. Dick is about as successful as the others, or perhaps even less so as the scene ends with Bruce denouncing Batman and tossing his mask down a chasm seemingly giving it all up.

Dick is then shown paying a visit to Gordon. For the first time, Dick and Barbara share a scene together. It’s not explained why the two would be friendly, but I think it’s mentioned in another episode that they attend the same university and know each other through that. Barbara bemoans that she can’t do more (foreshadowing!). They know the Jazzman has escaped from prison, and she’s certain he’ll be returning to finish what he started. Dick then returns to Wayne Manor to try and convince Bruce to put the tights back on and get out there. Bruce just sits quietly at a desk in his pajamas as Dick declares that if Bruce won’t stop the Jazzman, then he will. The scene cuts to the Batcave with Robin heading for one of the Batcycles when a gloved hand clamps down on his shoulder. Batman declares this is his hunt, and we’re off!

Crisis averted.

True to his word, the Jazzman is found at the hospital. He takes out a window washer and begins using his equipment to scale the side of the building to get to Gordon’s room. How he knew which room Gordon was in is not explained, nor is it explained how Gotham PD could be so foolish as to allow window washing in the area. Jazzman raises the scaffolding up to Gordon’s room and produces a handgun. He takes aim intending to shoot through the window when Batman swoops in at the last second to redirect the shot. The commotion gets the attention of Bullock, who was at ground level, and he races back inside. Batman is left hanging from the scaffolding as the Jazzman tries to knock him off, but he ends up going through the window. A guard bursts in, but Jazzman slams the door on him causing him to drop his weapon. Jazzman is able to gain possession of the weapon and take aim at Gordon as Barbara screams and throws herself onto her father. Batman recovers outside the window and lets loose a shuriken as Jazzman fires. The projectile flies true and sticks into the end of the barrel of the gun, causing it to backfire. Bullock bursts in and Jazzman is apprehended once again.

As the commotion dies down, Gordon wakes up to see Batman and Barbara at his bed side. He offers words of encouragement, first making sure the bust was a success. He then expresses his admiration for Batman, who in turn encourages him to get some rest. As Batman swings away, he settles in on a rooftop and notices the kid from earlier, Wizard, picking up an unattended suitcase by a bus stop. He swoops in, questioning who’s briefcase he stole, only to find out he misread the situation. Wizard tells him it’s his, then says he was hoping he’d run into Batman. He explains he’s been to many halfway houses before and heard the same schtick about getting on the right track and how it never worked. This time though, it did. He offers Batman the two words he needs most right now, “Thank you.” Wizard then hops on the bus intending to head home. Batman looks a bit stunned at first, then smiles as he heads back for the rooftops. The camera lingers on his face as the episode closes – still smiling.

The kid with the stupid name telling Batman exactly what he needs to hear.

“I Am The Night” is a pretty weighty episode. There’s a lot to unpack with this one. It tiptoes around the theme of escalation a bit and how Batman could potentially be doing more harm than good, though it doesn’t really go too far down that road. Really, it focuses its attention on Batman himself and how easy it would be for a guy in his situation to feel depressed. As viewers, we look to Batman as a hero and this series presents him in that light in an unquestioning manner without ever really stopping to show us how Batman might view himself. Many episodes are even light on Batman as the villains absorb a tremendous amount of the spotlight. As such, it’s nice to see an episode focus almost entirely on Batman for a change. This episode also deals with consequences in a manner many children’s shows of its ilk ignore. For once, someone actually got caught in a hail of gunfire and we’re reminded of the stakes. While I don’t think anyone really felt that Commissioner Gordon would die, the image of him lying there in the street and the genuine look of fear on both Batman and Bullock is affecting.

The joyless portrayal of Batman in this episode comes across as more authentic than many of the others. Batman isn’t effortlessly fighting off bad guys or solving riddles. He’s tangling with something more human that probably anyone can relate to. Because of this, “I Am The Night” probably isn’t a favored episode for many children especially since it doesn’t feature a noteworthy criminal. For adult viewers though, it’s hard to deny that this one isn’t one of the better episodes. It toes the line of melodrama and corn, but I don’t think it ever goes over it. If you want to nitpick the episode you could certainly mock it for how easy it is for Jazzman to escape prison or how quickly Bruce goes from his pajamas to Batman. I definitely can suggest that naming a street kid Wizard was an odd move. This is a pretty intense episode though and one I enjoy. It also helps that it looks pretty great with several shots of Batman really standing out. His dejected mood at the episode’s beginning, his heroic pose from the top of the building the Jazzman was hiding in, the way he runs across the wall, it’s all very dynamic. Sunrise handled this one and they did a good job. About the only thing I don’t like is the slow-mo when Jazzman is about to shoot Gordon and that Batman can toss a throwing star into the barrel of a handgun. Even for a cartoon, that seems implausible. This is a good one though even with the nitpicks. I take him for granted, but lastly I should say this is Kevin Conroy’s best performance to date in the role of Batman. It’s hard to imagine anyone else being able to capture the humanity of the character the way he did in this episode.

1 Comment | tags: barbara gordon, batman, dc comics, jim gordon, kevin conroy, sunrise, the jazzman | posted in batman the animated series, Comics, Television

August 30, 2018

The Ultimate Danzig Song Ranking – Part I

By Joe

danzig_banner This day marks the 30th anniversary of the self-titled debut album of Danzig. It was thirty years ago that the album was unleashed by then label Def American alongside Geffen Records. So shaken up by the imagery and subject matter of the group was executive David Geffen that Geffen’s logo didn’t appear on the release. Which is kind of amusing as the album isn’t what many would consider controversial in this day and age featuring no profanity or overly violent lyrics, but this was a different time.

The album has gone on to be the best-selling record released by the group and the only LP to go platinum. It did not happen overnight and most of its success is attributed to a surge in popularity for the song “Mother” which was re-released as a single in 1993 to promote the EP Thrall-Demonsweatlive. As my favorite band, this blog tends to celebrate all things Danzig related, so marking this milestone makes sense. You may recall I ranked all of the albums Glenn Danzig was involved with back in April to mark the 400th post on this blog. Last Halloween, a similar ranking for all of the songs recorded by The Misfits was also done. The Misfits, with Glenn Danzig at the helm, lasted approximately six years spanning from 1977 to 1983. As a result, I only had to rank 50 or so songs. Danzig has understandably output more since it has existed five times as long. I count 129 unique songs that need to be ranked making this largely an exercise in futility, but that’s never stopped me before!

How did I arrive at that total, you may be wondering. Well, I’m not considering live recordings since that would be silly and duplicative. I am also not counting remixes and only considering the original version of a given song. This mostly affects Danzig 5 era tracks which largely aren’t that great to begin with. I also decided to exclude covers. While you may argue that some of Danzig’s covers offer a unique take on an old song, they’re still not exactly Danzig songs. This eliminates the entire Skeletons album and also disqualifies the following: The Hunter, Trouble, Hand of Doom: Version, Buick McKane, Cat People, Caught in my Eye. I’m also not counting the song credited to Glenn Danzig and the Power and Fury Orchestra, which was “You and Me (Less than Zero)” from the Less Than Zero motion picture soundtrack. While the orchestra was basically the band Danzig, minus bassist Eerie Von, it wasn’t credited to the band so I won’t rank it (even though it’s a fantastic track). And lastly, I’m not going to rank the instrumental intro songs that appear on I Luciferi and Circle of Snakes and I’m also counting “Pyre of Souls: Incanticle” and “Pyre of Souls: Seasons of Pain” as one song. Hopefully these ground rules are not too complicated or controversial. With each ranking I’ll include the easiest way to find the song, not necessarily the first. Some songs debuted on singles, but were eventually released on a re-issue or as part of The Lost Tracks of Danzig. With that all out of the way though, let’s get to the music:

129. Don’t Be Afraid (Blackacidevil 2000 re-issue) – The dubious one. The one that is considered the absolute worst. “Don’t Be Afraid” was originally released on a promotional sampler for Danzig 5 and later included on the E-Magine re-issue. It’s basically a noise track, with a simple electronic beat and instrumentation moving things along as Danzig sings over it with vocals so distorted they’re basically unintelligible (aside from when he repeats the song’s title over and over). If you were excited to hear this one for the first time after getting that 2000 re-issue then boy were you disappointed.

Danzig enjoys seductive snake girls.

128. Serpentia (Blackacidevil) – The worst track from Danzig’s worst album, as originally released. “Serpentia” is mostly just annoying, an attempt to be sexually charged with snake imagery. Danzig’s vocals are not distorted, but they’re also not very good. The song is poorly paced and feels half-baked. Somehow, the various remixes that followed are even worse.

127. Sadistikal (Danzig IV) – This one is less a song and more an intermission for Danzig IV. It’s largely industrial, serving I suppose as a preview of sorts for Danzig 5, and it offers little value aside from the mood it attempts to create. Danzig’s lyrics come across as corny and cliche, so it’s debatable if it really works as an intermission. The worst track on the best album.

126. Lady Lucifera (The Lost Tracks of Danzig) – A holdover from Circle of Snakes, “Lady Lucifera” is a song Danzig claims to love and I’ve encountered a few fans that seem to enjoy it, but I find it repulsive. Muddy, plodding, instrumentation with a weird vocal delivery. The song just meanders round and round without going anywhere. It sounds more like a concept than a fully realized song.

125. East Indian Devil (Kali’s Song)(Satan’s Child) – The most industrial track of Danzig’s sixth album is also its worst. The vocals are largely indecipherable and there’s no real hooks or chorus present. Not sure why it made the album over better songs.

124. Blackacidevil (Blackacidevil) – There’s some disagreement over how this song title is pronounced. Some read is as “Black as a devil” and others as “Black acid evil.” The pronunciation of it in the actual song sounds to me like it is “Black acid devil.” I just call it crap. The only compliment I can pay it is the song has a build to it and increases with intensity the longer it goes, but it lacks a true crescendo to really pay it off. Otherwise, just more Danzig 5 fuzz junk with camp lyrics.

123. White Devil Rise (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – Banal and simple, “White Devil Rise” sounds like an alt-right anthem these days. The less said the better.

122. Into the Mouth of Abandonment (Satan’s Child) – This one is similar to “Sadistikal” in that it feels more like an intermission track than a true song. This one tries a bit harder and since it’s past the midway point of the record it probably wouldn’t qualify as an intermission anyway. It’s simple and mostly understated, slightly notable for being the rare Danzig cut to actually contain the word “fuck.” We’re gradually moving away from the songs that are truly poor to the ones that just aren’t particularly noteworthy.

121. Hint of Her Blood (Blackacidevil) – A slow, brooding song. The lyrics are less camp and more traditional Danzig. It’s sort of like our previous entry, “Into the Mouth of Abandonment,” but without the explosive moments, so maybe I should have actually ranked that one ahead of this one. I guess I like the subject matter here a little more, both songs are rather boring in the end.

120. Bleedangel (Blackacidevil 2000 reissue) – The other original track added to the reissue of Blackacidevil, “Bleedangel” is better than “Don’t Be Afraid,” though it’s another song that kind of goes no where. It’s rather atmospheric and at least it doesn’t feature heavily distorted vocals, but what’s there also isn’t all that exciting. The most interesting thing about this song is that at one point in time it was supposed to be released as a single, and according to then bassist Josh Lazie, that single was going to include a cover of The Misfits classic “Bloodfeast.” It never happened, and many doubt that cover actually exists anywhere since no one else has been able to confirm its existence.

119. Power of Darkness (Blackacidevil) – Disco Danzig! This song is straight-up techno garbage. I guess if you like techno maybe you would like this song. I suppose it’s rather danceable. I personally never needed to hear Danzig tackle this genre.

118. You Should be Dying (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – Supposedly left off of Lucifuge, this is one of the tracks from the Lost Tracks compilation that sounds like the vocals were re-recorded for that release. It definitely doesn’t sound like Glenn Danzig circa 1990. Regardless, I don’t think even a vintage vocal performance would save this one. It has a decent, very Sabbath-like riff going for it during the intro, but then it devolves into nothing. Very bland, and the chorus is kind of annoying. A rare clunker on disc 1 of that set.

117. Hellmask (Circle of Snakes) – “Hellmask” marks the return of Glenn Danzig’s “Cookie Monster” vocals. Lots of screaming, and the mix makes it sound like Glenn is battling with the guitar and drums for audio supremacy on the track, and losing. He hasn’t really revisited that sound since.

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Danzig also enjoys six foot cat women. I’m not kink-shaming, I swear!

116. Wicked Pussycat (I Luciferi) – “Wicked Pussycat” contains a very modern, nu-metal sound for 2002. The subject matter is cartoonish even by Danzig’s standards, and the rap-rock chorus is kind of embarrassing. There is a catchiness to it, I suppose, but it’s not something I return to often.

115. Invocation/Demon’s Call (Danzig IV) – The title of this one is confusing. For years it was referred to as “Invocation,” though I’m not sure if Glenn himself ever confirmed it. When mp3 distribution showed up, Apple listed it as “Demon’s Call” in iTunes and I have no idea where they got that title. It’s all confusing because this is an unlabeled bonus track from Danzig IV, track 66. It’s a classic bonus track in that it’s experimental and kind of weird, which is on purpose. Those were kind of the best bonus tracks as they were a fun little treat for those who left their CD player on after the last song. This one is basically a hymn, and it’s about a demon that seduces its victims. It’s basically just Danzig’s heavily layered vocals and an electric organ. Pretty cool, a little creepy, and mostly fun though it’s also not likely to be anyone’s favorite song due to its unique nature.

114. I Know Your Lie (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – Another leftover from Danzig 6, this one was probably left off of the final release because it sounds very similar to “Five Finger Crawl.” Had it been on the album it would have been a filler track, neither good nor bad, which is what it is on The Lost Tracks of Danzig.

113. My Darkness (Circle of Snakes) – So I kind of hate this one, but also kind of love it. I never seem to enjoy hearing it, but it gets stuck in my head. It’s also really annoying, but also fairly catchy. I didn’t know where to rank this and honestly considered it more towards the back, but it’s fine right here.

A band still from the “Circle of Snakes” video. It’s mostly the band posing menacingly while snake girls do their thing.

112. Circle of Snakes (Circle of Snakes) – This is like a sludge version of “Twist of Cain.” Riffs and song structure are similar, though it lacks that bridging second chorus. I mostly hate the guitar tone on this album, and this song in particular.

111. 7th House (Blackacidevil) – This song may have been okay if it wasn’t so distorted. It’s basically like “Brand New God” if that song just stayed with the up-tempo, thrash sound it starts with. The lyrics are pretty stupid though, so maybe the distortion helps there. It’s one of the songs from Danzig V that works a lot better live than it does on the album.

110. God of Light (I Luciferi) – I dislike this song less now than I did in 2002. It used to annoy me, and it still possesses a rather weak chorus, but when I listen to it now I appreciate the odd time signature of it because it’s very different from basically every other Danzig song. I’m ranking it as high as I am because of that uniqueness, though it’s still one of the weaker tracks on Danzig 7.

109. Apokalips (Satan’s Child) – This song has a good structure to it. It starts slow, slightly quiet, and then ratchets that up when the chorus kicks in. There’s a dense bottom-end, and the production helps add to the apocalyptic atmosphere the lyrics are going for. The problem then? The vocals. They’re oddly pitched and Glenn’s voice is borderline annoying at times. There was supposedly a lot of post-production nonsense done on Glenn’s voice, as he stated at the time he tried to achieve a sound closer to how he hears himself, so maybe that’s what is going on here. Whatever the case, it doesn’t work.

108. Skin Carver (Circle of Snakes) – Frustratingly, the song that has been opening every Danzig show since 2004. It’s a head-banger, and most concert openers are designed to fire up the crowd and set the tone, there’s just so many other songs in the Danzig catalog that work better. The silly whisper first chorus does nothing for the song’s mood, and the shouting version that follows is just kind of dull. It’s just the song’s title, over and over. I do like Tommy Victor’s guitar work on this one, and the bass is thunderous, it’s the other parts that lag.

107. Night Star Hel (Deth Red Sabaoth) – Our first song from 2010’s Deth Red Sabaoth is that album’s most boring song. It’s not terrible, but it’s very reminiscent of the lower points from the preceding albums. A nothing chorus with a slow, brooding verse with iffy production.

106. Deep (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – This one was originally released on an X-Files compilation album of songs, Songs in the Key of X. They were supposed to be inspired by the show, but I think it was just David Duchovny reaching out to artists he liked for music to fill an album with. “Deep” was not written for the album and was basically a holdover from Danzig 5. Interestingly, it would have been one of the better tracks on that record (the reissue included a remix of this one called “Deeper”) instead of being one of the lesser tracks on disc one of The Lost Tracks of Danzig. It’s a bit slow, with imagery reminiscent of “Sadistikal” that tries to build towards a big chorus, but it doesn’t deliver.

105. Dead Inside (I Luciferi) – This is a song undone by its chorus. The verse is simple with some sweet Danzig crooning. It builds into a faster verse following the first chorus that’s really satisfying, but that damn chorus. It’s just screaming with machine-gun drumming that doesn’t suit the song. It almost betrays the verse which is very melodious by being so simple. A missed opportunity.

104. Cult w/o a Name (Satan’s Child) – This song might be Danzig’s worst written when it comes to nonsense lyrics. “I am teeth of fire/taste a thousand shames,” – what? Teeth don’t taste, Glenn, but I guess tongue doesn’t sound very menacing. The song has a solid groove to it, it suffers some of the same vocal shortcomings as “Apokalips,” but it’s not a bad song. Just flawed.

103. Devil on Hwy 9 (Black Laden Crown) – Okay, maybe this one has dumber lyrics than “Cult w/o a Name.” Driving on an evil highway? Sure, whatever, as long as it sounds good. And the music mostly delivers, but the vocal production is wretched. I was shocked the first time I heard it that it was released like this. This one definitely was let down by its production. Every time I listen to it that opening piece tricks me into thinking maybe this song isn’t so bad, but those vocals bring me back down to earth. Still, as the first song to show up from Black Laden Crown, I’d say that’s a pretty good showing from the most recent Danzig albums, though we’re about to start a little run on songs from this album.

102. Eyes Ripping Fire (Black Laden Crown) – The song that immediately follows “Devil on Hwy 9” is this one, and it’s title seems to imply something more like the previous song, but it’s rather muted. It’s just a song I want to find another gear, but it just meanders. It has kind of a meaningless existence.

101. Night, BeSodom (Circle of Snakes) – This is another song that finds a nice groove, but it’s all it has. It gets what it can out of that groove though, and then quickly ends so that it doesn’t overstay its welcome. If it had an actual chorus it might have been able to climb higher.

Danzig contemplating what it means to feel all sacrificed.

100. Sacrifice (Blackacidevil) – The lead single from Danzig 5 was kind of a red herring. This one is very Nine Inch Nails-like, and some of that Trent Reznor’s remixes of “Closer” really drive that point home. It’s simple, has an electronic base to it, but the vocals are mostly clean and the chorus explosive. It has kind of a cheapness to it though, like it’s relying on the most basic hooks for success. At least it has hooks though, something a lot of the other songs from this album are sorely lacking in. I’ve picked on Danzig 5 a lot so far, but we’re actually going to leave that album alone for a good while now as it’s surprisingly top heavy relative to other Danzig releases.

99. The Witching Hour (Black Laden Crown) – Another brooder from Black Laden Crown, “The Witching Hour” is an unremarkable track. Not particularly great, but far from bad. It’s the definition of filler.

98. Kiss the Skull (I Luciferi) – This one was originally going to be the title track for Danzig 7, but it lost out to a better song. It’s also inspired by Gary Glitter, he of “Rock n’ Roll Part 2” fame, as well as a noted child molester. It’s kind of a goofy track, but it does possess some catchy qualities and it’s also fun hearing Glenn dust off his “Whoa oh” he so frequently resorted to with The Misfits.

97. Soul Eater (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – If “Kiss the Skull” is goofy, the this one is positively ridiculous. “Soul Eater” is one of the catchiest songs Danzig has ever recorded, but the lyrics are so stupid and silly, which makes them strangely endearing. Even though I consider it only the 97th best Danzig song, I’d love to hear a live version. I even think it was written with that in mind as it references “Blackest of the Black,” the lyric that leads off “Her Black Wings” and is also the namesake of Glenn Danzig’s festival of extreme music, which was in the planning stages during the recording of this song.

96. Firemass (Satan’s Child) – This one is part of the easy listening middle section of Danzig 6. It has a very effervescent guitar tone and there’s an ethereal quality to Danzig’s vocals on the chorus. It was one of my favorite songs on this album when it first came out, and maybe I listened to it too much then because I find it a tad unremarkable now. It’s almost too understated to really stand-out.

95. Belly of the Beast (Satan’s Child) – This is yet another decent song somewhat undone by the lyrics from Danzig 6. This was definitely a creative low point for Danzig, and a lot of the songs show. The song is perfectly catchy, simply but logically constructed, it’s just got this annoying rhyme scheme to the verse. It just sounds like amateur hour, but I’ve always liked the vocal melody on the chorus.

94. When We Were Dead (Circle of Snakes) – An interesting song title that doesn’t really lead to an equally interesting song. The lyrics are actually a strong part to this one as they’re morbidly descriptive. The time signature is a bit interesting, but I feel like the song is building to a conclusion it never reaches, it just devolves into Glenn repeating the song’s title over and over.

93. 777 (Lucifuge) – We’ve kind of reached the first song from the original four. The first four albums are widely considered the band’s best. How much that had to do with Rick Rubin or it containing the original lineup is anyone’s guess. We had picked on Danzig IV’s “Sadistikal” earlier, but like I said, that one feels less like a song and more like an intermission and “Invocation” is just a weird little nugget of a track. “777” sits right in the middle of what many consider the band’s best album. Its twangy acoustic elements overlaying traditional blues rock makes it stand out, but I hate this song’s chorus. The lyrics are just really stupid to me, and I’m not particularly crazy about the verse either. I know a lot of people who like this song a lot, but for me it’s never clicked.

Just jamming to “Bodies.”

92. Bodies (How the Gods Kill) – If you’re worried I’m about to start ripping on those first four albums, don’t worry. We have a few more tracks to cull before we really get into those albums, but “Bodies” is an especially notable track for being not great. It’s very bluesy, so it has its admirers, but the over-the-top “Cookie Monster” vocals nearly ruin the experience. I often wonder if anyone ever asked Glenn why he chose this approach, it sounds brutal for one’s vocal chords. Rick Rubin had less involvement with this album than the first two, leading to Glenn himself receiving a producer credit on it, and I do wonder if Rubin would have steered him away from this sound had he been around more.

91. Who Claims the Soulless (Lost Tracks of Danzig) – A Danzig 7 reject, “Who Claims the Soulless” is a perfectly forgettable track. There is some merit to the notion that it deserved to make the album over something like “Dead Inside,” but there are also better tracks left off of that release. It doesn’t quite fit with the other material on that record, so there’s an equally valid reason for leaving it off. Is it better than “Kiss the Skull”? Maybe, but does it fit within that album as well? Probably not.

90. Unspeakable (Satan’s Child) – While “Five Finger Crawl” received the first (and only) video from Danzig 6, “Unspeakable” was the lead single sent to radio. It’s not really traditional rock or metal, nor is it really nu-metal. It’s kind of an odd song, and like a lot of that album, it’s not easy to shoe-horn into one of the many sub-genres of rock that were dominating the airwaves. The verse is very simple, and the chorus is really catchy. It’s a straight-forward track that serves its purpose, though it could use some more flourish with either the verse or guitar licks.

“Unspeakable” was the lead single for Danzig 6:66 Satan’s Child.

I’m going to cut this post off right here as we’re nearing 4,000 words which is just too long for a blog entry. Tomorrow is this blog’s usual Batman Day, so check back on Saturday for Part 2 of this massive entry. And if you have a copy of the first Danzig record laying around, turn that sum-bitch on real loud in honor of its 30th birthday.

5 Comments | tags: black laden crown, blackacidevil, danzig 30th anniversary, death red sabaoth, def american, geffen, glenn danzig, how the gods kill, i luciferi, lucifuge, rick rubin, satan's child, the lost tracks of danzig | posted in Danzig, Music

August 27, 2018

Dragon Ball Z: Broly – Second Coming

By Joe

190px-DBZ_THE_MOVIE_NO._10 Japanese Title: The Dangerous Duo! Super Warriors Never Rest

Original Release Date: March 12, 1994

English Release: April 5, 2005

Directed by: Shigeyasu Yamauchi

Screenplay by: Takao Koyama

Running Time: 52 minutes

With Broly being an overnight sensation following his debut film, it was no surprise to see him turn up again. The problem with Broly though is that he’s all style and no substance. He’s motivated by his mostly irrational hatred of the one he calls Kakarot, whom we all affectionately refer to as Goku. He barely speaks and is essentially raw power unrestrained. Making things harder on him for his return engagement is that Goku is dead, so his boys are left to pick up the slack. Unsurprisingly, this makes Broly – Second Coming the first DBZ movie to not star Goku in some capacity. He may have been dead in our last film, but he still had a pretty commanding presence over the film. He makes an appearance in this one, but it’s definitely understated compared with the prior movie. This is also the first movie to not feature Piccolo, though there’s a joke at his expense in it. Another surprising stalwart of the movies, Oolong, won’t cameo either. And after appearing in the last four features, Vegeta will be a surprising omission here. It’s always tough to figure out when these movies are supposed to take place so it’s possible Vegeta is dead. Really, this movie and the next features a really small cast of characters and it’s anchored by the debut of Goten and Young Trunks. Lastly, it’s also the first to feature Dragon Ball Z‘s second theme song over the opening credits, the underwhelming “We Gotta Power.” We’ll miss you, “Cha-la…”

A dying Broly crash lands on Earth. That’s some sense of direction.

The movie opens on an old but familiar sight – a Saiyan Space Pod zooming towards Earth. It smashes into the planet’s surface and from it emerges Broly (Vic Mignogna). Having apparently escaped the destruction of New Vegeta in just the nick of time, he’s in bad shape and the wound left by Goku is still open. He soon powers down from his Super Saiyan form and collapses into the snow, ice forming over him. He’ll lay there for seven years, and of course he’s just bound to wake up all kinds of pissed off.

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Kid Trunks, Videl, and Goten make their film debuts.

Videl (Kara Edwards), Goten (Edwards), and Trunks (Laura Bailey) are out hunting Dragon Balls. Videl is sporting her short-haired look so this movie takes place after her training with Gohan, meaning she can fly and fight a little. She apparently asked Goten and Trunks to tag along to aid in her search for the Dragon Balls since Trunks’ mother Bulma possesses the Dragon Radar. Trunks and Goten are a handful given that they’re just kids, and they’ll test the patience of Videl and also likely force her to question why she brought them along in the first place when all she desires is to just see the Eternal Dragon, Shenron.

Their search leads them to a small village in the mountains – Nataday. The villagers there are preparing for a sacrifice, a young girl is to be offered to some monster in order to spare their village destruction and misfortune. The sacrifice is the brainchild of the village shaman, Maloja (Robert McCollum) and Videl is disgusted by the whole thing. Other villagers share her views, and Trunks offers to take care of this supposed monster for them.

The village shaman Miloja – he’s a dick.

Videl, Trunks, and Goten all hide in a nearby altar and wait for the monster to show. There’s an offering of food for the beast, and Trunks swipes some which just makes Goten jealous. Video instructs him to keep quiet and stay put, but when goes for an apple she slaps him in response causing Goten to cry. Goten is apparently an impressive cryer, for his howls reach Broly himself. Baring a remarkable similarity to the cries of his infant father, they’re enough to agitate and awaken Broly from his long slumber. In case you have forgotten, Broly is driven by his hatred for Goku whom cried a lot when he was an infant, and it bothered the infant Broly enough to scar him as an adult.

They’re quite good at irritating Videl.

Videl, feeling bad for making Goten cry, apologizes and swipes a dumpling for him. Trunks laughs and lets her know she’s been conned by the diminutive Saiyan, which just makes her more frustrated and annoyed by the whole situation. Soon the monster shows itself to be a mere dinosaur (in case you forgot, dinosaurs exist in this world) and Trunks and Goten are unimpressed. They toy with the beast a little, before eventually returning to the village with its carcass. The villagers are overjoyed to see the beast has been slain, all except Maloja who is banished by the elders for his sacrificial methods. With that out of the way, the heroes are able to resume their Dragon Ball hunt.

Broly has awakened!

The trio calls it a night, but a loud sound wakes Videl early in the morning. That sound is Broly, emerging from his ice prison and powering up to his Super Saiyan, but not his Legendary, form. Videl finds and confronts him and, not knowing who he is, tries to attack. Broly is far too powerful for her to handle though. Goten and Trunks soon awaken to the sounds of the fight and they rush to see what’s going on. They have no idea who Broly is, but Broly sees Goten and immediately is sent into a rage due to the child’s resemblance to his father, Goku. Broly is easily able to knock the two boys around, but during the fight they’re able to spot the last Dragon Ball. Trunks devises a plan where Goten is to retrieve the Dragon Ball while he distracts Broly. This is where the movie takes a silly turn as Trunks moons the Saiyan warrior while Goten also pauses to take a pee.

When ya gotta go…

Goten is successful in retrieving the ball, but soon loses it amongst a bunch of crystal balls. Trunks is dismayed by his friend’s clumsiness, especially because he too really has to pee. He manages to avoid most of Broly’s most damaging moves, but eventually ends up in the arms of the monster when his bladder gives out. Goten does however manage to gather all of the Dragon Balls and he takes them behind a waterfall where he can safely summon the Eternal Dragon Shenron. Unfortunately, Goten realizes he doesn’t actually know how to summon the dragon and sits there perplexed. Trunks manages to retreat behind the waterfall too and doesn’t know how to summon the dragon either. They’re forced to confront Broly, who whips them around pretty well until their savior arrives in the form of Gohan (Kyle Hebert).

Don’t worry kid, I got this.

Gohan had sensed the fighting, and unlike the other three, he’s faced Broly before and knows what he’s up against. Gohan is definitely stronger than he was when he faced Broly the first time, but he might not even be as strong as he was when he defeated Cell since this is Buu Saga Gohan before his training with the Elder Kai. He’s still able to power-up to Super Saiyan 2, but all that does is force Broly into his more monstrous Legendary Super Saiyan form. Broly is able to physically dominate Gohan in this form, but the resourceful Saiyan is able to break free of Broly’s hold and lure him into a nearby volcano where the lava engulfs Broly. Gohan collapses on a nearby rock as the lava inches closer to him. A caped warrior swoops in though to rescue him. Piccolo? No, it’s Krillin (Sonny Strait) dressed in Piccolo’s attire for some reason. I can only assume this is a metta joke for the audience since Piccolo often drops in unannounced to rescue Gohan in virtually every movie.

Not what anyone was expecting…

The two share a nice moment, and then Broly returns. You didn’t really think lava could kill him, right? He’s surrounded himself with an energy shield and quickly takes out Krillin. Gohan is too weak and exhausted to offer much resistance, and Broly begins to torture him. He’s very much enjoying himself, until Videl tosses a rock at him. It doesn’t hurt him, but it does distract him and he turns to look as Videl collapses, the effort of just throwing a rock seemingly exhausting what little energy she had left. The sight of her falling enrages Gohan enough to tap into his reserves, forcing himself from Broly’s hold. Announcing he’d had enough, Gohan powers up to Super Saiyan and unleashes a Kamehameha attack against Broly, who counters with a blast of his own. The force of the attack knocks Goten’s bag over and the Dragon Balls spill out awakening the young child. He transforms into his Super Saiyan form and joins his older brother in firing a Kamehameha at Broly. Together, the brothers appear to be holding their own, but it’s still not enough. Goten then silently makes a wish that their dad was there with them.

Broly has an answer for Gohan’s attack.

The Dragon Balls, apparently hearing Goten’s silent plea, flash and the skies darken. No dragon appears, but Goku does! He encourages his sons and powers up to his Super Saiyan form and joins his Kamehameha blast with theirs. And yet it’s still not enough! Trunks awakens as well and sends a last ditch effort Broly’s way. His blast is enough to sneak in behind Broly’s and throw off the timing of his own ki blast. Goku sees this, and implores his boys to give it their all. Their combined might overwhelms Broly, who cries out in pain as he’s blasted from the Earth and into the sun, seemingly gone for good (yeah, right),

Goku vanishes as quickly as he appeared, and Goten and Gohan are left to wonder if he was really ever there. The Dragon Balls seem to confirm that he was, as they’ve turned to stone and rocketed away. Videl awakens and admonishes Gohan for taking so long to get there, while Trunks remarks he wants a snack. They all set off for wherever, while poor Krillin remains where he was following Broly’s attack wondering if they’ve forgotten about him.

The lasting image from this movie is at least a good one.

Broly – Second Coming, unlike the first film to feature Broly, is almost entirely reliant upon comedy for its entertainment value. There’s the little setup with the village before the main event, but the movie is fairly straight-forward in its execution like many DBZ films before it. I did appreciate the little bit of adventuring we saw early, and the visual of Goku joining his sons for a triple attack is surprisingly emotional, but the movie earns very little of the payoffs it tries to cash-in. Broly is even more one-dimensional than before, and he’s little more than a video game boss character. The repeated near-saves have become a trope, though at least the movie seems to poke fun at that with the Krillen rescue effort. The juvenile nature of the humor involving Goten and Trunks is sometimes charming, sometimes humorous, but hard to sustain a picture with. The arrival of Goku breaks all of the rules of the Dragon Balls, as Shenron isn’t properly summoned, never even appears, and also disappears after only fulfilling one wish. As much as I like the image of all three combining for an attack, it would have probably been better to just leave Goku out of this one. With him dead, it could have been an opportune time to have Piccolo stand-in considering he’s been a second father to Gohan, or even a more mature Vegeta finally stepping in and embracing his role as a father-figure for the younger Saiyans.

Adding to the tonal problems is a rather bland presentation. The backgrounds are kind of typical DBZ and don’t really offer up much. The visuals are more in-line with the main series as well and do not have that extra special ingredient that most of the films have. Maybe Toei knew this one wasn’t going to be as good as the others because of the lack of Goku and just didn’t sink as much money into the production as they normally would. It all adds up to a very subpar experience, and Broly – Second Coming just may be the worst of all of the Dragon Ball Z films. It has some inherent entertainment value, so I would still say watch it if you have never seen it, but it’s one you’ll only revisit out of a feeling of obligation or when you’re just sick of watching the other, better, films.

Leave a comment | tags: akira toriyama, broly, dbz, dragon ball z, funimation, gohan, goku, goten, krillen, toei, trunks, videl | posted in Dragon Ball Z Movies, Film

August 24, 2018

Batman: The Animated Series – “What Is Reality?”

By Joe

What_is_Reality Episode Number: 48

Original Air Date: November 24, 1992

Directed by: Dick Sebast

Written by: Marty Isenberg, Robert N. Skir

First Appearance(s): None

After having escaped both Batman and the Gotham PD, The Riddler (John Glover) is back to erase his criminal history and likely get some measure of revenge against Batman and Robin for ruining his prior plans. It’s a rare example of the show having a direct follow-up to a prior episode as villains are often captured and released from Arkham or jail offscreen. It’s not often we have a villain escape and then make reference to their fugitive state, but that’s what we have here in what is only the second appearance of the quite popular Riddler character.

The episode opens with a jogger running through the Gotham night. He decides to withdraw some money from an ATM only to find it’s spitting out riddles instead of cash. Not only that, it shows his balance as zero which enrages the man. The scene jumps to Gotham’s version of Wall Street where investors are being taunted by the scroll not by failing prices, but by riddles. We then see the Gotham Department of Motor Vehicles suffer a similar fate as Dick and Alfred wait in line to dispute a ticket of some sort. All of this brings us to Gotham PD where Batman and Gordon are discussing the obvious – this is the work of Edward Nygma, aka The Riddler. He’s been on the run ever since the events of “If You’re So Smart Why Aren’t You Rich?” and has so far managed to illude capture. Gordon then notices that all online records of Nygma’s very existence are being deleted at an alarming pace to make it appear like he does not, and has never, exist. Before Batman can ask about the hard copies of his records, they’re informed that a package has arrived at headquarters and it’s ticking.

The shipping on that must have cost a fortune.

Gordon is apparently comfortable with letting Batman and Robin handle this potential explosive device as the two are seen examining the rather large package. Robin notes that the blocky structure is a puzzle and boasts that he was able to complete a Baxter’s Box puzzle in record time, so this should be no problem. A Baxter’s Box, as best as I can tell, is this world’s version of a Rubik’s Cube. I guess even referencing that famous toy could fall into a copyright area? Robin is able to get the box to open and inside they find a large console complete with a monitor, two seats, a massive keyboard, and a pair of headsets. Not knowing what to immediately make of it, Batman leaves Robin to check it out. Meanwhile, some cops have stolen the hard copies of Nygma’s records and are shown delivering them to Nygma himself who is watching all of this via a monitor in an undisclosed location.

Batman looks to the various riddles that Nygma left behind via the ATM, stock market, and DMV. They’re simple riddles, so Alfred and he deduce they should focus on the numbers contained in the riddles, which when translated to roman numerals, leads Batman to the DMV. There he finds some goons accessing the hard copy records there, likely searching for Nygma’s files. Batman engages them which leads to the action spilling outside where a Riddler Van tries to run down the caped crusader. When Batman winds up on the hood of the vehicle, he finds it’s being driven by a robot with a camera for a head. Nygma is able to taunt him as well, and points out the vast amounts of explosives in the back of the van. Batman is able to avoid a rather explosive demise, but not without detonating the van making quite the mess. Riddler is able to leave him another clue though, because that’s what he does, about where to turn his attention to next.

Riddler’s virtual world.

At Gotham PD, Robin has discovered that the console delivered there is actually a virtual reality machine. He demonstrates how it works to Gordon before taking off for a snack leaving Gordon plugged into the machine. Once gone, Riddler appears in the virtual world and is able to trap Gordon. When Robin returns, he receives an electrical shock from Gordon’s headset when he tries to remove it. Batman soon arrives as Riddler’s most recent riddle directed him to Gotham PD headquarters. Robin gives him the rundown and Batman is left with no alternative but to enter the VR machine and rescue Gordon. Riddler has placed Gordon in a high velocity device within the world similar to what astronauts use to train for the force of space travel. Riddler claims Gordon’s heart can’t last in the machine indefinitely injecting a time component into the situation. Robin warns Batman that he’s basically entering a world controlled entirely by The Riddler which prompts Batman to insert an ear piece into one ear so he can maintain a link with Robin while inside the game. Robin is also able to watch what is going on via the rather large monitor Riddler included.

If you’re going to call yourself the Dark Knight then you should look the part.

Once in the world, the episode’s perspective shifts to that. It’s mostly a world depicted in shades of red not unlike a Virtual Boy, but with some black and white as well. Riddler pushes Batman along via clues which leads him to a chessboard. Batman is forced to literally adopt his Dark Knight persona to sneak past which just leads to a constellation based puzzle for him to solve, with Robin’s help (he’s big on astronomy apparently). Eventually, Batman finds himself face to face with The Riddler and a giant version of a Baxter’s Cube. Not wanting to waste more time in figuring out the puzzle, Batman realizes he has some control over himself in this virtual world and imagines he has mallets instead of hands. He bashes the cube, which just prompts the Riddler to attack. He splits himself into multiple Riddlers, and Batman responds by doing the same. As they engage in a competition of who can create more versions of themself, Batman points out how hard it must be for Riddler to maintain control over his virtual world when splitting his focus amongst the many duplicates he’s made. Just pointing this out causes the world to collapse, and the Baxter’s Cube breaks away revealing Gordon.

Well this presents a problem.

Batman and Gordon are able to escape the virtual world. Once outside, The Riddler returns to the monitor to taunt them and leave them one final clue about where he could be. Just after doing so, he lets out a horrible scream indicating he’s in some trouble. His clue was enough for Batman to figure out his location, and when Batman, Robin, and Gordon find the Riddler he’s still connected to his game unable to remove himself much in the same manner as Gordon previously. Batman remarks getting him out of there may be a riddle no one can solve (spoiler: this isn’t the last we’ll see of The Riddler!) as the credits roll.

“What is Reality?” is a decent follow-up the The Riddler’s debut. It doubles-down on Riddler’s fascination with video games and virtual worlds, which is an interesting take on the character, and one that feels very of the times. I mentioned previously how I liked that this episode directly deals with the fallout of the previous one, even though it isn’t a two-parter. The writers seemed to not want to really bother with riddles this time around though, opting to deliberately have The Riddler use simple riddles but with a bit of a convoluted message hidden in each one. I’m not particularly good at riddles so I feel a little uncomfortable for criticizing the episode for going easy on them, but maybe they should have hired somebody who could craft a good riddle? As a result, The Riddler seems rather stupid as his efforts are not even remotely challenging for Batman to figure out. Batman also easily bringing an end to the VR world is rather underwhelming, but maybe they wrote themselves into a corner since they gave Riddler complete control over the world. The ending is kind of chilling though. After almost rooting for The Riddler in his debut he’s a bit more of a conventional villain here, but his actions never make us desire a fate like that for him.

Riddler’s in a rather sorry state at the episode’s conclusion, but he’ll bounce back.

This episode marks the final contribution from Akom Productions. They were let go after the some-what disastrous “Joker’s Wild” episode. Perhaps because of this they did an especially careful job with this episode. It looks fine and I have no complaints about the animation. There are some very minor errors, but most episodes contain one or two. It’s not a hugely ambitious episode, though some fun things were done with the virtual world. I’m glad only a few minutes are spent there though as that red palette gets kind of irritating to look at.

This isn’t the last we’ll see of The Riddler, which I can’t imagine comes as a surprise to anyone. It is the last we’ll see of him for a while though and his last appearance of season one. Unfortunately, his next appearance doesn’t mirror this one by dealing with the fallout. He’ll just be his normal self leaving us to wonder how he extricated himself from the VR world. I guess for them not to tell us means it wasn’t a very interesting story. I bet they just unplugged the thing, that seems to be the solution for most electronic mishaps.

1 Comment | tags: akom production co., batman, dc comics, edward nygma, james gordon, robin, the riddler | posted in batman the animated series, Comics, Television

August 22, 2018

DuckTales Season One Review

By Joe

ducktales new Rebooting an old cartoon property has its pluses and minuses. On the one hand, reviving an old brand means the core of what you’re trying to build is already in place. Characters, relationships, stories, even music can all be mined from the old and adapted for the new. There are often tweaks made to the look of the show, new voices to cast, and a whole new team to assemble, but it’s undoubtedly easier and less expensive than starting from scratch. And it also allows a new generation of creators to take something they enjoyed as youngsters and mold it into something else. It also comes with risks, and as we’ve seen all too often recently there is an aspect of fandom that is, well, toxic to say the least. Take She-Ra, for example. Originally conceived as a way to market action figures to girls, She-Ra was integrated into He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, itself a show designed simply to sell toys to boys, and the backlash was swift and quick. Even those behind the creation of He-Man looked down on She-Ra and blamed her for hastening the decline of the franchise as a whole, “Now my sister wants to play with me? Gross!” This is all captured quite well in the documentary series The Toys That Made Us, if you want to know more.

She-Ra, I’m sure, had fans of her own, but they definitely were small in numbers, relatively speaking. Rarely did I ever hear anyone in conversation bring her up in a positive light and I literally met no one pining for a reboot in the same mold as He-Man himself. And yet, when a new concept was recently unveiled for She-Ra online the He-Man fandom and nerd culture as a whole was swift to pounce on it. Blaming it for ruining the character or for unoriginally adhering to the “CalArts style,” these fans were loud and largely obnoxious. It was similar to the backlash towards a new ThunderCats show that has yet to air. Did you ever watch ThunderCats back when it was originally aired? That show, just like She-Ra and He-Man and countless other programs, was terrible. It’s fine to be nostalgic for them because you grew up with them. I certainly watched a lot of crappy cartoons, but I don’t want to subject my kids to the same. If there are to be new versions of these shows I want them to be good! Not some 23 minute toy commercial. Fans should be happy these things still exist for a new audience. And the beauty of it all is, if you don’t like what’s new, you still have what’s old. It doesn’t go away or vanish the moment a new version shows up.

The cast is much larger, but many episodes still revolve around Scrooge and his nephews (plus Webby).

It’s interesting that one of the companies behind the pivot from making shows that sell toys to just making good animated programming was Disney with its Disney Afternoon programming block. The original Disney Afternoon toon was Adventures of the Gummi Bears, but the show most associate with the block is none other than DuckTales. Basically a loose adaptation of the Carl Barks comics for television, DuckTales centered not around Donald Duck but around his rich Uncle Scrooge McDuck. He was partnered with his grand nephews Huey, Duey, and Louie along with his personal pilot Launchpad. Together they went on grand adventures searching for treasure. They wouldn’t just travel to far away places, but backwards and even forward in time! It was memorable for its lavish animation that went far beyond the likes of Dic and Hanna-Barbera. Not to mention for its incredibly catchy theme song.

As such, it seems appropriate that when it came time for Disney to adapt DuckTales for a new audience it largely escaped the internet backlash that had befallen other properties. Oh, I’m sure there are detractors that do not like the new visual style or the Felicia Barton sung intro, but by and large the response I have seen online and in person has been overwhelmingly positive. DuckTales just concluded its first season. Commercially, I have no idea how well the show has done, though it’s done well enough to receive a second season. It’s hard to judge that sort of thing in this day and age when ratings mean almost nothing thanks to streaming options and DVR. There hasn’t even been a tie-in toy-line until very recently so sales of that aren’t going to offer much of a measure. Creatively though, it’s hard to think of a cartoon reboot that has been more successful than DuckTales. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles come close with their 2012 reboot, and really that ThunderCats reboot of a few years ago was miles ahead of the original, though it did not last very long. DuckTales is on another level though, and there are a lot of reasons why.

After mostly chilling on the sidelines in the original series, Donald is a part of the main cast this time around. He doesn’t get to relax as much as this image suggests.

First and foremost, the work of Carl Barks has not been ignored. Scrooge is back to his red overcoat and he’s partnered with all of his nephews this time – including Donald Duck! Back when the original Disney Afternoon was conceived, Disney was hesitant about letting any of its big stars headline a show. Landing Donald for the few episodes he was in was a huge get, as characters like Mickey, Minnie, and Goofy were completely shut-out at the onset. That stigma has long since passed allowing Donald to finally star alongside his uncle as he should. Huey, Dewey, Louie are still around and now they have distinct looks and personalities all to themselves. The prior nephews in basically every iteration were interchangeable. It was part of their charm, but also pretty limiting from a character perspective. Now they’re free to be themselves and the writers are allowed to explore each individual duckling. Huey is the closest to the original mold, the burgeoning Junior Woodchuck. Louie is more slothful and laid back while Dewey embodies the adventurous spirit of his great-uncle with perhaps a touch too much enthusiasm. Webby is also back and she’s no longer the little girl who seems to get in the way, rather she’s an adventurer herself who looks upon the likes of Scrooge and Donald as something close to legendary figures. She’s good-natured, and her grannie Mrs. Beakly is still around to look after her. Oh, and Mrs. Beakly is no longer the meek maid to Scrooge but a former covert agent herself with a rather massive and intimidating physique.

One of the more radical redesigns is that of Mrs. Beakley, who went from doting old maid to a tank-like brawler who still has a soft touch.

The show’s approach is similar to the original DuckTales, take Scrooge and the gang on adventures to fantastic worlds with treasures to uncover and villains to foil. Since the cast is larger, episodes will often pairs things down to just a handful and save the full cast for the most important episodes. It also includes more structured story-telling and the first season revolves around a character we’ve only ever seen mentioned, and rarely at that – Della Duck. Della is the sister to Donald and the mother to the boys, and at the end of the second episode (aired as one long episode for the premiere) the boys uncover a painting that depicts her alongside her brother and uncle. Della previously was basically only mentioned in the cartoon short “Donald’s Nephews” with Donald shown reading a letter from her asking her to watch her kids. She’s basically never been mentioned again and never seen, as far as I can recall. The boys start off knowing something happened to her and it may or may not have led to a falling out between Scrooge and Donald. The first episode deals with Donald reluctantly going to his uncle for help in watching the boys so he can go on a job interview, and that arch ends with Donald and the boys moving in as Donald seems to understand its best for his nephews (plus his house boat was destroyed in the process). The boys spend parts of the first season secretly investigating what happened to Della, and the mystery is unraveled slowly and takes some twists and turns. It even threatens to split the brothers apart as Dewey discovers something and decides to keep it from his brothers. Things come to a head in the penultimate episode leaving the finale, which just aired this past Saturday, to deal with the fall-out.

Lena and Webby’s friendship is one of the main plot points weaved throughout the first season.

The other big teaser throughout the first season revolves around Scrooge’s old enemy – Magica De Spell (Catherine Tate)! She was a frequent foil in the original series so naturally she’s back. As basically the big baddie of the whole thing, it’s a lot of fun to see the show treat her as such. When the season begins she’s magically sealed away and only able to interact with the world through her niece Lena (Kimiko Glenn) who poses as a friendly sort in order to gain the trust of Scrooge and thus somehow free Magica from whatever keeps her sealed away. To do so she gets close to Webby and the two become best friends. Throughout much of the second half of the season we get to see Lena being pulled between the two forces in her life; her friendship with Webby and her loyalty to Magica. It’s nothing new, but it’s handled well and there are some genuinely emotional moments that come of this and there’s a lot of payoff in the end. Plus, the animators used this really creepy effect where Lena’s eyes turn black and “spill” shadows to form Magica. It’s genuinely unsettling.

The original DuckTales cartoon dealt with plots that continued from one episode into the other. There were even changes to the main cast as was the case with the introduction of Bubba and Gizmoduck. Those storyline pay-offs though were not on the equal with the new show. The main theme of family is at the core of this new show and it never strays too far from that. Very few of the episodes in the first season felt like filler as all seemed to serve some purpose. Either a character learns something about themself or their relationship to the others or something else happens to move the overall story along. It’s a great way to structure a show and I always love seeing what is primarily children’s programming take this sort of risk. There will always be television executives who look down on children and think the simpler the better, but trust me, kids notice this stuff and appreciate it when a show doesn’t treat them like brainless buffoons.

Many of Scrooge’s old villains have returned.

Additional challenges arise when creating a new version of a 30-year-old show. Namely, the voice talent available isn’t the same anymore. Alan Young, who provided the voice of Scrooge for decades, is no longer with us. And since it was decided that the nephews would be approached differently this time around, the talents of Russi Taylor were declined and instead each was given a unique voice. These changes are often the hardest for the old fans since not only do these characters barely resemble what we fell in love with as children, but they also sound very different. Once you get past that change though, it’s hard to say bad things about this cast. David Tennant is a great Scrooge with a natural Scottish accent. He brings everything you need from a voice actor to the character. He can be gentle, intimidating, enthusiastic, and even sad. It was hard to say good-bye to Young, but Tennant has done a remarkable job in his first season at the helm. The nephews are voiced by Danny Pudi (Huey), Ben Schwartz (Dewey) and Bobby Moynihan (Louie) and they all impart their own personality on the characters. If there is one negative to this season, it’s that Dewey definitely feels more developed than the other two and thus Schwartz shines brighter than the others, but season 2 could easily rectify that. Kate Micucci is Webby and she was perfect in the role while Toks Olagundoye voices her grandmother Beakley. Beck Bennett plays a more aloof Launchpad, but otherwise kind of sounds like he’s trying to do Terry McGovern which is a little sad because I know McGovern really wanted the part. If you’re feeling uncomfortable with all of the newness in the cast then at least you have Tony Anselmo reprising his role as Donald Duck, as it should be.

The new visual style of the show is bright and expressive. It’s a bit flat, which seems to be a trend in 2D digital animation, but it has its own look which helps differentiate it from the original series. The look of the old series just can’t be duplicated in today’s environment, so the show was smart to not even try. I really like the new look for Scrooge and Donald and feel it suits them well. The nephews have taken some getting used to as they have really large heads and in some respects resemble chickens more than ducks. The backgrounds are all really well done and there’s plenty of variety to be found from suburban settings to creepy castles. There’s also more imaginative and fantastic settings to be found and the show does an admirable job of mixing things up. It does the same with the villains and guest spots and virtually everyone you know and love from the original series makes an appearance or two here. There are also a few new characters thrown around, some inconsequential and some rather imaginative (I’m looking at you statue-headed horse) and almost all have some pay-off.

And many old allies are back as well.

Of the first season’s 23 episodes (25 if you count the premier and finale as two episodes) it’s hard to pick a favorite. The first episode, “Woo-oo” was wonderful for its patient and rewarding reintroduction of these timeless characters. Any episode that pits Scrooge against Glomgold was usually humorous and entertaining to watch and the episode “Beware the B.U.D.D.Y. System” was equally humorous for its focus on Launchpad, plus it had Gizmoduck! Some of the episodes have some rather delightful Easter Eggs in them. You have undoubtedly seen or heard about the numerous Darkwing Duck ones, and the finale included one Easter Egg from the old NES game. And it’s really hard for me to not just pick the last three episodes as my favorites. They’re the most weighty with the biggest emotional moments in the whole season. I even get a lump in my throat just thinking about them.

As I said earlier, it’s hard to imagine a reboot having as successful a reintroduction as DuckTales did in 2017 and into 2018. The new show proves the old comics and original series still have legs, their foundation was one that can anchor any show in any era. This is the rare reboot that should have little trouble appealing to the old fans while also being something new for a younger generation that may never have even heard of DuckTales before 2017. If nothing else, my own children have proven to me time and again that the old theme song will never go out of style as the two will happily sing it at the dinner table, from their car seats, or while they play. It’s really rewarding as a parent to see your children embrace something you loved as a kid yourself, even if it’s not the same and in a new form. I have no doubt that DuckTales is in good hands right now and I look forward to watching the second season with my kids, or even on my own after they go to bed (it can be hard to focus on these things with a pair of short-attention span toddlers).

Leave a comment | tags: beck bennett, ben schwartz, bobby moynihan, cartoons, danny pudi, darkwing duck, david tennant, disney, disney afternoon, donald duck, ducktales, kate micucci, magica de spell, scrooge mcduck, toks olagundoye, tony anselmo | posted in Television

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