Tag Archives: matt groening

Dec. 20 – Futurama – “A Tale of Two Santas”

Original air date December 23, 2001.

It was right here in this spot one year ago today that Futurama‘s “Xmas Story” was inducted into the very prestigious Christmas Spot Top 25 Christmas Specials of All-time. Well, it was named as such a few years prior, but last year is when it got the full write-up treatment. And while I selected that Christmas episode for inclusion, it really is a toss-up for me over which Futurama Christmas special I enjoy most: “Xmas Story” or its sequel “A Tale of Two Santas.”

“Xmas Story” is our introduction to Christmas in the year 3000. Philip J. Fry (Billy West), the time-displaced protagonist of the series, gets to learn how much Christmas has changed over a thousand years and we, the viewer, get to experience the same. Turns out, a robotic Santa Claus had been invented several decades prior to that story which went crazy. Its standards for niceness were too high and thus everyone was deemed naughty. Santa, apparently no longer content to hand out coal to naughty children, decided that it would prefer to kill the naughty instead making Christmas one of the worst days of the year.

That tidbit about Santa is basically just a third act story in that episode. Prior to that, the episode is a bit more light-hearted with some conventional Christmas episode drama and it’s purposefully done that way to highlight the drastic change in tone once Santa shows up. This sequel episode, which took a long time to see the air, doesn’t dawdle and instead gets right to Santa. Seeing that the robot is the big source of conflict for the holiday and the most unique aspect of Future Xmas, the episode doesn’t see a reason to delay the robot’s arrival until the final act once again. Though Santa is going to be put on ice, as it were, for a sizable portion of the episode.

“There were no survivors.”

The episode begins in a typical manner. Our tagline is “This episode performed entirely by sock puppets.” which is a damn lie! The snippet of an old, public domain cartoon just before the Planet Express ship crashes is some screaming, black, dog character (Bosko? – Yes, according to Wikipedia it’s Box Car Blues which is a Bosko short). When the episode begins, we find the Planet Express crew watching television, a familiar sight on Futurama. The news is on and our lovely anchor, Linda (Tress MacNeille) is sharing a story about a futuristic version of a Polar Plunge. You know, those charity events where people dive into frigid waters at Christmas time sometimes dressed in festive attire? Well, in this version the people are jumping into a river of ammonia and we get to see it happen live on television! As Morbo (Maurice LaMarche) informs us after, there were no survivors.

Lock your kids in the closet and say goodbye to your pets – there’s no stopping Santa’s brutal rampage each year.

It’s now time to hear a holiday message from the head of Walter Cronkite (Frank Welker). He is here to offer up a warning about Santa Claus. As he details the danger this menace presents, we’re treated to images of the robot’s exploits from the prior episode. The message is concluded with Cronkite telling the viewer, “Remember, I told you so.” And as he finishes, the screen gets covered by planks of wood. Hermes (Phil LaMarr) is apparently pretty frightened by the prospect of Santa to the point where he feels the need to cover the television. Fry is fine with it since he’s tired of this wood show. We cut to the crew trying in vain to install the fireplace cover to keep Santa at bay. The Professor (West) is there to scold them for taking too long saying he only has a few years left to live and doesn’t want to spend them dead! Leela (Katey Sagal) encourages Fry and Bender (John DiMaggio) to push harder prompting Bender to say, “Oh? Push!” Once the robot is pushing instead of pulling the giant shield slams into place causing Fry and Leela to get tossed aside.

This basically the “Season’s Greetings” of the year 3001.

With the shield in place, the Professor seems no happier. Declaring they’re doomed, he takes a seat and remarks he’s thankful that he installed some blast shields for shutters. He presses a button on the chair and we see his idea of defensive shutters are more like the shields on the 1989 Batmobile. Steel plats cover the entirety of the Planet Express building. Unfortunately for Amy (Lauren Tom), no one told her the Professor was going to be activating them as she was busy boarding up the windows. The blast shields knock her off of her ladder. There were no survivors. Actually, she’s fine, I just couldn’t resist going back to Morbo for a second. Once the shields are in place, we can also see the Professor’s holiday greeting spelled out in Xmas lights on the roof of the building: Trespassers Will Be Shot.

Naturally, the crew has to undertake a mission that will surely endanger their lives.

The Professor shouts a challenge to Santa calling him a cadaver junkie in the process. Even so, with the shields in place the Professor surmises that they’re all likely to make it through the holidays alive so long as they’re not dumb enough to leave the very spot they occupy. Fry, Leela, and Bender all cheer at this declaration, until the Professor remarks that they have a delivery to make: letters to Santa addressed to his death fortress on Neptune. We cut to the Planet Express ship leaving the building, getting some of its landing gear stuck in the blast shields which are very eager to close up. On the ship, the three seem to be in decent spirits and Fry is even reading some of the letters to Santa. One is from a little girl (credit to MacNeille, but I would have guessed it was Lauren Tom) expressing her desire to not want Santa to bring her any gifts this year because the bicycle he shot at her from his bicycle gun really hurt. She’s still sporting a cast in the cutaway. Leela remarks, “How awful! Let’s read another!” The next one is from a little boy (MacNeille) and he’s writing to ask Santa for a coffin for his grandfather. He goes on to point out that Santa choked him with a chestnut last year and his corpse is really starting to stink. The camera even pans to poor, dead, grandpa in a shadowy corner.

These elves are a pretty sorry looking bunch.

Fry is dismayed at all of these letters. Xmas was a time for bringing families together in the 20th century and he wants to bring that kind of Xmas back for the people of this era. Bender questions who would be willing to do such a thing and Fry confirms that they are! Leela is in agreement as the ship speeds towards the north pole of Neptune. Upon landing, we meet the Neptunians of Jolly Junction which looks more like a war zone than a happy, Santa, village as the sound of gunfire and barking dogs fills the air. The Neptunians are dressed like elves and seem to always come in pairs which are always holding hands. A welcome party, as Leela dubs it, comes over to greet them. The first one (West) offers to sell them a kidney while his companion (David Herman) invites Fry to punch him for a buck. Leela refers to them as elves which is when they explain they’re Neptunians (I think Elzar is one too, a four-armed alien race, basically) that are just small because Santa doesn’t feed them. His companion then grabs Fry’s hand and makes him slap him demanding a dollar in return.

At least they have something to look forward to.

As the gang walks through Jolly Junction we get to see how the elves live. It’s not pretty. Some are being massacred by wolves while another pair is trying to stab each other with broken bottles. When the crew walks past a house with two Neptunians each holding a baby (the babies are in turn holding hands) they beg for any morsel of food that they could provide. When Fry points out that they live in a gingerbread house, one of the elves retorts “Hey! It’s food or shelter – not both.” Fair enough. Bender calls them lazy and assumes that they should have money from all of the toy making that goes on. Just the mention of toys causes all of the elves within earshot to gasp and raise their heads. A helpful one points out that the toy factory has been closed for years since Santa judges everyone to be naughty. We see the closed toy shop which has a “Coming Soon: Crack House” banner on it. Fry has his blood angried up at this and vows to shove his foot up Santa’s chimney! He informs the elves that he just needs directions on how to get into Santa’s ice fortress. The first elf to greet them volunteers and his companion takes one look at their hands which are joined together and remarks, “Aww, phooey!”

On Neptune it’s eat or be eaten.

The eager elf and his unwilling companion lead the crew into Santa’s fortress as promised. They’ve hidden them in the sack of letters they’re to deliver and stuck them in a sleigh. This allows the elves to transport their guests past Santa’s traps, which are basically buzzsaws designed to take out anyone taller than an elf and some guard dogs (Welker) who bark “Jingle Bells.” A poor, wayward bird comes into lethal contact with one of Santa’s lasers which drops at the feet of the elves. The pessimistic one remarks, “An omen?” while the more cheerful of the two just shouts, “Dinner!” and stuffs the carcass into his pocket.

He seems excited to bask in the world’s naughtiness.

We cut to inside the fortress to find Robot Santa (DiMaggio, taking over the role from John Goodman) seated at a large console. It’s apparently his way of spying on the people of Earth to see who is being naughty and who is being…naughty. He’s viewing two robots from the robot mafia wailing on some poor guy in the street. Santa declares that beating up a shop owner for protection money is very naughty, but that not paying the mobsters their protection money is equally as naughty! Satisfied with himself, Robot Santa changes the display and it’s Scruffy, the janitor, seated on a stoop doing nothing. He runs his finger across the underside of his nose and Santa accusingly shouts “I saw that!” and appears to write Scruffy’s name on the naughty list. His standards really are set too high, there wasn’t even any nostril penetration!

Leela is the type to think she has the solution to a problem that’s plagued humanity for generations.

Santa is interrupted by the elves delivering the sack of letters. Santa is angry they failed to knock reminding them he could have been watching something really naughty on his device (“I get New Orleans on this thing!”). The elves, clearly terrified, apologize and run off before Santa can say anything else. Inside the letter sack, Leela informs the others of her plan to confuse Santa with a logical paradox and issues a warning to Bender. The three emerge from the sack and Santa is understandably surprised. He whips out a very large gun preparing to blow them away, but surprisingly responds in kind when Leela asks him to stop. He listens as she introduces her paradox (while Bender covers his ears and hops up and down) which claims that Santa is designed to punish the naughty, but is too naughty, and therefore he should have to destroy himself. The robot’s head begins to smoke and spin before finally exploding. Wow, that was easy. Why didn’t anyone think of that before?

Maybe all of the explosive stuff was in the back?

Because Santa had a head built with paradox absorbing crumple zones – that’s why! A new head just pops up to take the old one’s place forcing Fry and Leela to bail. Bender, because he was covering his ears, is a bit slow to pick up on what’s going on, but upon seeing Santa pointing his massive bazooka his way he gets the right idea to run. Santa fires as the trio duck into an elevator and the doors close right on the missile. It’s stuck there, blinking and beeping, while the elevator goes down. The tip of the warhead gets cut off, but we soon see Fry, Bender, and Leela emerging from the elevator at the base of the mountain, only Leela is carrying the explosive for some reason. She pauses, remarks “Wait! This is what we’re running from!” then tosses it back into the elevator. Fry hops onto a toboggan with Bender behind and Leela in the rear. They just sit in place with Fry shouting “Faster! Faster!” The bomb in the elevator then explodes and the force of the explosion sends the crew shooting down the mountainside.

No one gets away from Santa Claus!

The trio go fast enough down the mountain that they’re able to avoid the many security towers raining gunfire down upon them. They zoom through the elf town even passing by the pair that helped them sneak in tossing a bunch of snow up in their wake which covers them. At least the bird they were roasting on a spit was spared! The crew crashes into the Planet Express ship and frantically races abord to try and get the hell out of there. As Leela tries to take off, the ship refuses to respond. She doesn’t understand the problem, but we soon cut to outside the ship and see Santa has a grasp of the rear thrusters. The situation seems dire, but the burning engines cause the ice below Santa to melt. He slips into the water and when Leela powers down the engines the water immediately refreezes burying Santa up to his chin in ice.

Looks like they fall ass backwards into a way to imprison Santa.

The crew comes out to survey the situation, as do the elves. With Santa literally on ice, Xmas can go on as it was always intended! Fry announces that he can be the one to deliver the presents, but Santa scoffs at him and points out that no human could deliver billions of toys in a single night. Fry objects and argues Evel Knievel could, but Bender chimes in that only a robot could do it. Then he realizes that by pointing that out he’s basically volunteered himself and regrets it immediately. The elves, for their part, all cheer in unison tossing all manner of clothing into the air in celebration!

These guys need a better union.

After a break, we find Bender with Santa’s hat on outside the ship still. Santa declares that Bender can’t do the job since he wasn’t built to Yuletide specifications. Bender retorts that he wasn’t built to steal Leela’s purse either, but that didn’t stop him. He produces her purse from inside his jacket and Leela immediately grabs it from him. Bender then orders the elves to bow before their new master, which they seem happy to do. This takes us into a musical section where the elves, along with the Planet Express crew, sing a song welcoming the elves back to work. It’s a rather cheerful sounding melody with dark and bleak lyrics. The elves proudly announce they’ll do the job for free and expect to be horribly maimed in the process. One elf gets a toy lodged in his brain. There’s a spot where Leela sings about turning up the controls to super speed, which she does, causing even the song to get faster in response which is pretty clever. The elves make some pretty shitty toys while Bender gets spray-painted red to look the part of Santa Claus. When the song is over, it’s time to get Xmas underway!

Bender knows what to do with a flying sleigh.

The song concludes with the elves getting their drink on celebrating their adequate gorillas. Bender takes flight and passes by the moon before circling the area and dropping gifts that explode like fireworks. Poor Robot Santa can only issue threats from his icy prison. Bender arrives on Earth and encounters his first home. The chimney has a grate across it which Bender bends easily before entering. Upon landing in the fireplace, he comes face to face with a mother and her kids. She (MacNeille) declares that this is the end and frantically instructs her children to take their suicide pills. Bender stops her telling her he’s the good Santa and he comes baring gifts – at reasonable prices! This is when the father (Herman) pops his head up telling his kids not to believe Santa for he is the father of all lies and the uncle of all tricks. Not even Bender producing a box of Tri-Ominos can sway them and he’s forced to bail. As he does, the entire family wails on his legs with fireplace tools. Bender is able to escape though quite the worse for ware.

You have to admire the woman’s confidence to think she could seduce a robot.

His next stop sees him popping out of the chimney to a well-lit room which startles him. It’s the home of the, shall we say, loose old lady character? She (MacNeille) is perched in a doorway rather seductively, though her charms are unlikely to affect Bender. She saunters over to the mechanical man and offers him a cookie from her cookie jar. Bender is receptive to the idea and sticks his hand in only for an old-fashioned mouse trap to snap across his fingers. As he regals the trap, he asks “What’s in these things?” The old lady them suggests he slip into something…fiery, and she pulls out a flamethrower and lights him up. Poor Bender is then shown emerging from the chimney charred and broken.

Poor Kwanzaa-bot.

We next catch Bender flying in the sleigh his body reflecting the punishment he has endured this evening. He is soon approached by Kwanzaa-bot (Coolio) who is in some sort of rocket powered canoe. He’s alarmed to see “Kringle,” as he calls him, in such a sorry state, and Bender just bemoans the fact that everyone hates him. Kwanzaa-bot counters with an at least everyone understands you. Bender asks if he wouldn’t mind helping him out with these toys, but Kwanzaa-bot has his own work to do tonight: handing out the traditional Kwanzaa book “What the Hell is Kwanza?(sic)” Kwanzaa-bot then hangs his head and sighs, “I’ve been giving these out for 647 years.”

Fry should probably look more disgusted than he is here.

It’s time to check-in on the rest of the Planet Express crew at their headquarters. Amy, looking no worse for ware following her earlier accident, is using a jetpack to spray Xmas lights onto the traditional Xmas tree. They come out of a can like silly string. Leela is decorating a bush with candy canes which Nibbler promptly eats off. Fry has moved an old-fashioned clawed bathtub into the living room to make eggnog in – just liked Grandma used to drink (even though in the prior Xmas episode we found out his idea of eggnog was just bourbon and ice cubes)! Hermes looks on as Fry tastes it immediately spitting it out declaring it’s gone sour. Zoidberg (West) then emerges from the nog requesting privacy while he takes a scented bath. Leela is at the side of the Professor’s chair reminding him that Bender is Santa so they don’t have to hurt him. He angrily shouts back at her “Yes! Yes! Yes! You sound like a broken mp3!” and waves her off.

It’s hard being Santa Claus.

At that moment, Bender drops in with an unenthusiastic “Ho. Ho. Ho.” The Professor immediately produces a shotgun and blasts the poor robot in the chest knocking him down. Leela cries out, “Professor! Don’t you remember what I just told you?” He just shouts, “No!” in response and blasts Bender again who had been assisted to his feet by Amy and Hermes. We cut to the roof Planet Express HQ where Bender is seated crossing off the Professor’s name on his list. He moans that there’s got to be a better way. We then cut to a street view with a Toys for Tots bin in clear view. Bender walks by it with his sack of toys and then just dumps them in the sewer. He declares himself a genius then walks off laughing his usual evil laugh. A sewer mutant (Vyolet, voiced by Tress MacNeille) pops up waving one of the Barbie-like dolls Bender just dumped in the sewer crying out that it creates an unfair standard of beauty.

What a world.

With the toys “delivered,” Bender ducks into an alley to unscrew his present – a bottle of booze. As he enjoys it, New New York’s finest beat cops Smitty (West) and URL (DiMaggio) happen upon him. They both reason that bagging Santa on Xmas Eve would do wonders for their careers, earning URL a promotion and getting Smitty back onto the force (he’s apparently not an actual cop in this moment). They approach Santa Bender who looks alarmed to see them. There’s no struggle, apparently, as there’s a camera shutter and then a copy of the New New York Post is superimposed on the screen with a picture of Bender and the headline “Suspect Nabbed in Santa Case!” And below that, “Chanukah Zombie Still at Large.”

The Professor is now a man who just carries a shotgun everywhere he goes.

We then find our defendant at Famous Original Ray’s Superior Court where Bender is being brought before the Honorable Judge Whitey (West). His crime? Being Santa Claus! When the judge asks him to enter a plea, Bender stands up and announces “Not Santa,” at which point the Professor rises from the crowd to shout, “There he is again!” and blasts him in the back with his shotgun. The Hyper-Chicken (LaMarche), a frequent lawyer character on the show, is addressing young Premula on the witness stand. He tells her she need not fear him and then promptly pecks at her. He apologizes for mistaking her as corn, then politely asks her to point at Bender. She does, the crowd gasps, and the Hyper-Chicken has no further questions. Bender, apparently representing himself, then gets his chance to cross-examine the young girl (who appears to be the same girl injured by the bicycle gun from earlier). He points out that she was paid for her testimony today. She confesses that it’s true as Bender gave her a dollar and some candy causing Bender to scream back at her, “And yet you haven’t said what I told you to say! How can any of us trust you?!” The girls breaks down into tears causing the judge to order Bender to stop badgering the witness. The mere mention of a badger gets the Hyper-Chicken all flustered as he starts looking about for danger.

Maybe one day he’ll be a judge.

Judge Whitey gavels the room to get the Hyper-Chicken to stop freaking out over imaginary badgers. He’s apparently heard enough as he tells everyone in the court he has a ham dinner with mayonnaise waiting for him back at his mansion, so he finds Bender guilty. He sentences him to death which will take place at sundown (wow, the future moves fast). Bender is lead out in handcuffs while Leela is left to remark she hopes that dumb chicken feels bad about what he’s done. We cut to the chicken at the top of the courthouse crowing to the heavens.

He apparently gets a lot of the same messages.

After a break, we find our hero (villain?) Bender being lead to his cell by Smitty, URL, the mayor and the robot preacher while Smitty calls out “Deactivated robot walking. We’ve got a deactivated robot walking.” When Bender comes to a cell with some gangster looking robot in it, he (DiMaggio) calls out to Bender that when he sees the Robot Devil to tell him he’s a coming for him! One cell down the hallway is where Bender finds the Robot Devil (LaMarche), but before he can tell him what the other guy said he just says “I heard him!”

That wasn’t part of the plan.

Fry and Leela apparently aren’t going to give up without a fight. We find them on Neptune where the elves are dressed in summer casual attire and happy to see the two return. Leela doesn’t care about them though as they’re here for one thing and one thing only: Santa. Leela reasons that if they return to Earth with the real Santa the courts will have to spare Bender. She uses a chainsaw to free him from the ice while still leaving him stuck in a cube. Santa taunts her the whole time over who will get the last “ho.” Once Santa has been extracted, everyone soon realizes that they have a problem. The heat from the factory has caused a greenhouse effect and the cube starts melting immediately. Santa is soon free forcing Fry and Leela to bail on this idea. There’s a brief chase sequence through the toy factory which includes on animation goof where Santa suddenly has his hat back on, even though Bender stole it. He also gets his ass impaled on a toy solider. Fry and Leela reach the ship without much trouble and as they fly away trying to devise another way to free Bender, the camera pans to find Santa clinging to the ship and hitching a ride to Earth.

Bender already hates magnets so this is probably the absolute worst way for him to die.

Back on Earth, Bender has been strapped to a table in-between two gigantic magnets. Mayor Poopenmeyer (Herman) is there to explain to Bender how these two magnets will rip him to shreds in the most humane way possible. When Bender points out how that doesn’t sound very humane, the mayor confirms that it is for the witnesses since it’s not boring! He then dawns an executioner’s hood and takes his place by the switch. When a random number generator hits zero, he’ll throw the switch. Since the number generator is random, it just spits random numbers that aren’t zero, for the time being.

Jesus must have been their ace in the hole in case the Spartacus routine failed.

This allows the others to attempt to free Bender. Leela comes running in ordering the mayor to stop the execution on account of the fact that he has the wrong Santa. He just keeps calling out numbers though while the “real” Santa is brought in. It’s Fry dressed in a Santa suit which causes the witnesses to all gasp and the mayor to cry out “What?” Then Hermes enters in a Santa suit declaring that he’s the real Santa, followed by Amy (in a much more revealing outfit) and the Professor. And in the rear is Santa’s friend Jesus, which is Zoidberg in a Jesus costume. Fry tells the mayor that he’ll have to execute all of them. The mayor tells them they’re not Santa and points out that they’re not even robots, then gets in the line of the episode, “How dare you lie in front of Jesus!”

Is Santa looking out for a fellow robot? Or does he just need something from Bender?

The random number generator then hits zero and the mayor gleefully throws the switch. Bender immediately feels the effects of the magnets, which as you may or may not know, causes Bender to sing folk songs, “Swing low sweet chariot coming forth to carry me home!” Fry can’t bare to see Bender suffer, while the Professor happily points out that at least it’s not boring! At that moment, the real Santa finally comes crashing through the wall in his sleigh. Doing so destroys one of the gigantic magnets though Bender still appears to be in some distress since he is attached to the board he’s on. Santa also has his hat back, so I guess he found a spare somewhere. Santa opens fire on everyone in the room and destroys the other magnet. The mayor cries out to Jesus for help, but Zoidberg informs him that he helps those who help themselves and then makes a retreat.

Is Robot Santa going to turn over a new leaf? Is this the heartfelt Xmas special conclusion we’ve been waiting for?!

Santa then approaches Bender who immediately thanks him for saving his life then begs him not to kill him. Santa laughs and tells Bender he’s not here to kill him, but he does need his help to save Xmas. Sappy music chimes in and Bender remarks, “Gee whiz, Santa, you want me to help you save Xmas?” Fry then cries out, “Don’t do it! He’s evil,” and it’s Santa who turns to Fry and says “I know he is, but I have no choice!” Robot Santa needs Bender to help him complete his brutal rampage, because without that it just wouldn’t feel like Xmas. He the turns to Bender and says, “Bender, won’t you join my slaying tonight?” All Bender can muster is a, “Well, ’tis the season!”

Of course not! Now there’s two of them for twice the carnage and mayhem!

It’s time for a holiday montage! It begins with Santa and Bender flying through the city streets while Bender smashes light poles with a baseball bat set to the tune of “Jingle Bells.” Santa then fires a missile into a diaper truck, one that apparently picks up dirty diapers? It rains diapers on the people of New New York causing Robot Santa to cry out, “Let it snow!” Bender then gets to hurl dolls through windows and brick walls and poor, little, Premula gets shot with a bicycle gun once again. It just wouldn’t be Xmas without that poor girl getting shot with a bicycle gun.

Fear: The Magic of Xmas.

At Planet Express HQ, fire is raging all around while the crew is huddled in the darkened living room. Leela is miserable because all of the trouble they went through just lead to an Xmas just as horrible as before. Then it dawns on Fry that this terrible future version of Xmas still does retain some of the magic of the one he left behind for it’s fear that has brought them together. The Professor is ready to tell him how stupid he thinks that sentiment is, then an explosion goes off and he meekly requests, “Hold me!” The whole crew are then left embracing each other in terror on the sofa as somber music plays.

Bender doing his best Hans Gruber.

We’re not done though, as we need to check-in with Bender and Santa one more time. We learn that Santa’s reindeer are Smasher and Thrasher as Bender calls out to them while also whipping them. Kwanzaa-bot pulls up alongside them to inform them Chanukah Zombie is throwing a party and they should come check it out, Bender just responds with “Word.” With Kwanzaa-bot gone, Santa tells Bender he wanted to give him something for covering for him while he was trapped in the ice. Bender greedily accepts the present, but is surprised to find that the box is empty. When Bender informs the big guy he made a mistake, Santa turns to him and says “Oh it might appear empty, but I think the message is clear: Play Santa again and I’ll kill you next year!” And with that, Santa swats Bender out of his sleigh where he falls to a fiery end. Laughing, the robot turns and heads off towards a gold-tinged moon laughing all the way. Merry Xmas, everyone!

Merry Xmas, Santa!

I’ve watched my fair share of dark or bleak Christmas specials over the years. I tend to find most of them funny when they’re done well. As a result, I’m pretty used to them and sometimes it takes me doing one of these write-ups to notice just how bleak an episode like this one is. Santa is a murderer. He inflicts violence upon children and misery upon the “elves” of Neptune. I can see why some at Fox would find this depiction of Christmas distasteful. There’s a perverse message in it that Xmas is supposed to bring people together in fear and we see our beloved main characters all in a fetal position grasping at each other. The darkest joke may have been the family Bender drops in on and the mother ordering her children to take their suicide pills. Does that count as a suicide joke? I suppose not in the traditional sense, but there’s no way to frame a mother ordering her children to kill themselves in order to spare them a long, torturous, death as anything but bleak.

Was the darkest joke in this one the family suicide pact? The little girl getting repeatedly attacked with a bicycle? The kid asking Santa for a coffin for his grandfather’s rotting corpse?!

Despite all of that, the episode is very funny. There are way too many lines in this one to quote them all. I might as well just post the script. Some of them don’t even read as well as they come out like the Professor’s “No!” in response to Leela asking him if he remembers what they just talked about. Billy West’s delivery is just so perfect. Pretty much every line the Professor has in this episode gets a chuckle out of me and it’s largely because of the performance of West. John DiMaggio does a lot of heavy lifting as well voicing Bender and some of his usual incidentals while also taking over the role of Robot Santa. He sounds surprisingly similar to John Goodman’s version of the character enough so that if you weren’t watching these close together you may not even notice the change. DiMaggio would continue to voice Robot Santa in his various appearances on the show. None of which really compare to the first two. I enjoy the other Futurama holiday specials to some degree, but the first two stand head and shoulders above the pack.

Professor Farnsworth is my pick for episode MVP. Every line he has is gold.

If you’re interested in this dystopian Xmas of the future then you can check out Futurama on either Hulu or Disney+, depending on your subscription and residency. Futurama still airs on cable in syndication as well and this episode is probably airing somewhere, perhaps even right this very minute! The series has also been released on physical media and is available to purchase digitally. Futurama is an easy show to find, and a worthwhile one as well.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 20 – Futurama – “Xmas Story”

Welcome, to the world of tomorrow! Today! We’re looking forward while we look back on one of the best animated Christmas episodes of all time – Futurama’s “Xmas Story.” Have you ever wondered what Christmas could be like in the 31st century? Well, now you don’t have to. Turns out, it’s pretty bad, but the…

Dec. 20 – A Charlie Brown Christmas

Let’s continue our look at the best of the best in the field of Christmas specials with perhaps the most quoted, parodied, and maybe even beloved special of all time: A Charlie Brown Christmas. This is the special that shouldn’t exist. It’s one if you are able to separate your nostalgia for the special itself…

Dec. 20 – Toy Tinkers

We’re rounding the corner to Christmas. With just five days left until the big day, that means we have time for just five more specials after this one! And since we’ve hit another multiple of five, it’s time to do another retro-lookback (or whatever I’m calling these things) at an all-time classic: Toy Tinkers. Toy…


Dec. 20 – Futurama – “Xmas Story”

Original air date December 19, 1999

Welcome, to the world of tomorrow! Today! We’re looking forward while we look back on one of the best animated Christmas episodes of all time – Futurama‘s “Xmas Story.” Have you ever wondered what Christmas could be like in the 31st century? Well, now you don’t have to. Turns out, it’s pretty bad, but the holiday can still bring people together. They just huddle together in fear rather than comfort and joy. No matter, this is but one possible future and it’s not like anyone reading this is going to be around in the year 3000 anyway so don’t sweat it.

The Fox Broadcasting Company was a fledgling network in the early 90s. Two things are credited, primarily, with turning things around for Fox: Football and The Simpsons. Fox got into the animated sitcom market, one that was pretty barren in 1989, with Matt Groening’s The Simpsons. We talked about that show already this year just 10 days ago so there’s probably no need to rehash that. To sum it up though, Fox took a chance on the show and it paid off big time. In hindsight, it’s surprising that it would take Fox another decade after the premiere of that show to premiere another Matt Groening animated sitcom: Futurama. Along the way, there were some attempts at Simpsons spin-offs that went no where and I don’t think any even got very far along. Still, it’s pretty incredible that Fox wouldn’t turn to Groening for another show as it struggled to pair The Simpsons with other content. Eventually, the network would find another hit with Mike Judge’s King of the Hill and that apparently gave the network more confidence in the genre. Now, it seems they’ll greenlight anything for their “Animation Domination” block of content on Sunday night and sometimes a show sticks. Sometimes it has to get cancelled first, as it were with Family Guy, but these days that block is essentially The Simpsons, Bob’s Burgers, Family Guy, and whatever else Fox is taking a swing with.

Let’s celebrate the holidays with the whole gang! And some robots we’ve never seen before.

Futurama was given the greenlight around the same time as Family Guy. Unfortunately for it, Fox would change leadership at the network during development and the new regime was much higher on Family Guy than Futurama, probably for cost reasons, so it got the coveted post Super Bowl premiere while Futurama had to settle for the less prestigious March 28, 1999. The network would air 9 episodes that spring while holding the rest of Season One until the fall where it could air as part of the broadcast Season Two. Included in that second season was “Xmas Story,” an episode supposedly deemed a bit controversial at the network. For some reason, network heads were uncomfortable with a Christmas episode about a murderous, robot, Santa. The trepidation at Fox had little impact on this episode, but when Robot Santa returned in a sequel episode it would be delayed by about a year until the show was in a later timeslot.

This particular episode was originally conceived by Groening and series co-creator David X. Cohen around the same time as the pilot. I suppose when crafting a world set one thousand years in the future one would naturally wonder what Christmas might look like. It’s actually rather nice they didn’t just decide to go all-in on some sort of super commercialism as the plot. I feel like we have enough satire directed at that aspect of the holiday. A murderous Santa? That’s fresh enough. While we do have horror movies featuring killer Santas, this one is different in that it makes Santa a robot and has a plausible introduction for the character. And that he’s saved until the final act also helps to build suspense. This is also one of those early episodes of the show where it can utilize the time-displaced protagonist, Philip J. Fry (Billy West), as an audience surrogate in giving us a look at this futuristic yuletide celebration.

Fresh Hare, the closest Christmas came to Bugs Bunny for an entire generation.

The episode begins with the usual intro and music. The tag-line is “Based on a true story,” and the cartoon snippet at the end of the opening credits is one of the few Bugs Bunny cartoons in the public domain, Fresh Hare, which contains an image of a Christmas tree and Elmer with snow all over his head making him resemble Santa Claus. I had that cartoon on VHS when I was a kid along with a handful of other public domain toons. It has an abrupt ending with Bugs Bunny before a firing squad and I would learn years later that’s because it goes into a blackface gag which had been cut from my copy. And that is likely why it’s in the public domain now. Aside from that, it’s actually a pretty funny cartoon directed by Friz Freleng.

I’m surprised it took them until Season Two to get Conan on.

The cartoon opens on an idyllic lodge in the snowy mountains. The Planet Express crew is apparently going skiing and it will be Fry’s first experience of such in the year 3000. The skiing will have to wait though as the crew is all in attendance watching comedian Conan O’Brien (voiced by himself) performing stand-up. And since it is the year 3000, he’s just a head in a jar and the sight gag here is his head is so big that his hair extends beyond the jar. He makes a reference to his long-time band leader, Max Weinberg, but he’s just a skull in a jar. Apparently someone forgot to feed him. They eat like fish which is revealed in another episode.

Who knew the robot desired freckles?

Conan goes into his routine which begins with a Y2K joke. Bender (John DiMaggio), in the role of the heckler, yells out they fixed that problem a thousand years ago. O’Brien, slightly exasperated already, urges Bender to bare with him. His next setup has him recite “So, I was walking into work,” and Bender shouts out, “I doubt it!” Conan then tries to rip into Bender by saying that he may have lost his freakishly long legs, but he has something Bender never will – a soul! This doesn’t phase the robot in the least, but when he follows it up with, “And freckles!” Bender begins to weep. Get used to these sort of setups. Also, how am I going to get through this write-up without just typing out all of the jokes? This show is packed with so many and there are so many good ones contained in this episode.

The Professor is an incredible skier, provided he’s unconscious.

Conan announces he’s out of material and he’s taken away. Before he departs, he encourages everyone to enjoy their breakfast so Conan has apparently been reduced to breakfast entertainment. Considering how short and dated his set was, that seems appropriate. With Conan’s moldy old antics over, it’s time for some skiing! It looks pretty similar to skiing in the 21st century only the chair lift features hover chairs and no one uses actual ski poles. They’re basically just handles that impart balance somehow. Fry notes how beautiful the snow looks and thanks the lord that global warming never occurred. Leela (Katey Sagal) tells him that it actually did, but nuclear winter cancelled it out. When the two exit the chair lift they ski up to Bender, Fry says “Hi,” and Bender (who is wearing a funny, jester-like, hat) snaps at him, “Enough of your mindless chatter!” On another chairlift, Hermes (Phil LaMarr) and Dr. Zoidberg (West) are stuck and as Zoidberg applies another glove to his mouth appendages the two take notice of Professor Farnsworth (West) who is skiing like an Olympian. We then cut to a close-up of the Professor to find out he’s actually asleep standing up as he makes a flurry of fantastic moves.

I hope that in a thousand years they found a cure for tree to the groin.

Fry and Leela are skiing together and Fry begins to panic as they approach some thickly settled trees. Leela tells him to relax and then commands, “Trees down.” A robotic voice(West) repeats the command and the trees are retracted into the ground. Foolishly, Fry asks what they do when they want the “Trees up,” which predictably causes them to re-emerge from the ground slamming into Fry’s crotch. As he’s stuck in a tree, he meekly commands “Trees down,” and gets slammed into the snow. I should point out, these trees appear to be some sort of pine tree, which is important for later. With Fry laying helpless in the snow, Bender skis by and taunts him with a “Looking good, meatball!”

What a lovely setting for a Christmas special, surely nothing will come along and spoil this image.

As Bender has a laugh at his quip, a fellow skier warns him that he’s heading off the trail. Bender, who is in quite a mean mode so far this episode, just tells the guy to lick his frozen, metal, ass in response. He is immediately punished for his hubris as he plunges off of a cliff. We see him fall from behind, but then it cuts to a frozen pond where some kids are skating listlessly. A non-copywrite infringing song that sounds vaguely like “Christmas Time is Here” from A Charlie Brown Christmas plays and the image lingers just long enough to make us wonder if this is a setup going no where. It’s not, as Bender comes flying through the scene and crashes through the ice taking the children with him. According to the commentary, none survived.

Hermes is apparently not much of a bobsledder.

Zoidberg is shown skiing and he has an unusual way of going about it. Since he’s some sort of crab monster, he puts both feet in one ski and his claws in another and goes down the hill sideways. It’s a cute visual. He stops abruptly though when he comes upon the bobsled track and finds Hermes, the Jamaican accountant of Planet Express, preparing to race down the ice sled. He laughs at the sight, but Hermes is quick to counter that a thousand years ago there was a legendary team of Jamaican bobsledders. Fry is in attendance and he confirms this fact, but then adds “They came in last at the Olympics and then retired to promote alcohol.” This is a pretty consistent setup for a Futurama joke as one would expect Hermes to have a negative reaction to Fry’s statement, but this show’s writing staff loves misdirection so he instead responds with, “A true inspiration to the children.” The countdown sequence then finishes and the gate opens and rather than go forward, Hermes just slowly tips over until he’s upside down. He calls out for some help and Zoidberg just pushes him down the course upside down. He has a laugh at the misfortune of his co-worker (an uncharacteristic turn for Zoidberg, but the writers are still still feeling him out), but like we just saw with Bender, he gets his comeuppance almost immediately as he slips and falls down the course. Fry has a laugh at Zoidberg’s expense, and then decides “What the Hell?” and jumps down the course after him. We hear him crash into something at the end, but are deprived the visual.

I love the Professor’s prescription sunglasses.

At the lodge, we find Amy (Lauren Tom) getting cozy with someone who busted their leg skiing. He(DiMaggio) starts to detail what happened, but then Amy immediately loses interest as she’s spied someone who is even more injured (this is apparently a kink for her). It’s some guy in a full body cast and she pounces on him and suggestively says, “Hello there.” The Professor then comes skiing in still asleep, but he wakes up and is perplexed to find a medal draped around his neck. He finds the rest of the crew sitting around a roaring fire in the lodge and all appear to be damaged to some degree except Leela. Bender remarks there’s nothing like a warm fire and a Super Soaker full of cognac. He pumps it and then blasts it into his mouth. Fry says it really puts one in the Christmas mood and everyone gets confused by his statement. When Fry clarifies what he’s talking about, he does so by trying to spell Christmas, but he spells it as “X M A S.” This alerts everyone that he means Xmas, which they pronounce as X-Mas, and note that Fry must be using an archaic pronunciation like when he says “Ask” instead of “Axe” which sets off a running joke the rest of the series must abide by.

There, there, Fry. Everything is going to be okay.

Fry doesn’t seem bothered by the change in pronunciation, but he is bummed that this will be his first Xmas away from home. Leela then seeks permission to “axe” him if it would make him feel better if they went and cut down an Xmas tree. This causes Fry to perk right up, but we do a hard cut to him being disappointed when he finds out that their idea of an old-fashioned Xmas tree is a palm tree. When he points out that an Xmas tree is supposed to be some kind of pine tree, the Professor tells him that the pine tree is extinct, “Gone the way of the poodle and your primitive notions of modesty.” He then lets his fur coat drop to the ground revealing he’s completely naked underneath, “Ah, brisk!” Fry then starts to fret that everything has changed, and apparently not for the better, but the Professor is there to soothe him still naked. I love that Fry is not phased in the least by the casual nudity. Leela argues that Fry is being ridiculous as she holds an axe over her head to line up a strike, only for another patented Futurama misdirection joke to reveal itself as a laser shoots from from the axe handle and fells the tree unnaturally. And this is the part where I remind you the characters were just skiing amongst a forest of crotch-hunting pine trees.

You don’t see Bender cuddling with Nibbler too often. That’s the magic of Xmas!

The Planet Express ship cuts into view with the palm tree tied down to the roof as an instrumental of “Joy to the World” chimes in the background. The ship enters the Planet Express building and we soon find the dwellers inside decorating for Xmas. A calendar on the wall shows that it’s December 24th. Zoidberg is opening a box, Fry and Leela are by the fireplace looking miserable, and the Professor and Amy are wrapping lights on the tree. Adorably, Bender is in a rocking chair with Nibbler (Frank Welker) on his lap rocking back and forth and singing “Oh Xmas Tree” while Nibbler adds his own little inflections. Fry laments all of the things he is now missing, like his mom getting a goose for goose burgers and his dad whipping up his famous eggnog which was just bourbon and ice cubes. In the background, Amy is struggling with a jet pack which has already caused her to hit her head on the ceiling while trying to place the star on the tree and then sends her careening into the wall.

Thankfully, the sweet flower of the office has returned.

Fry suggests they stop talking about Xmas, which is the cue for Hermes to come barging in shouting “Xmas cards are here! Xmas!” He hands them out which includes a mighty hall for Bender. When he gets to the last of them he sets Leela up for her cards, but it’s actually himself he is referring to as the sweet flower of the office. Leela is upset, but Fry doesn’t notice and instead asks her for a little sympathy which causes her to cry and run off. When Fry asks what upset her, Amy reminds him that she’s an orphan with the Professor adding she’s also the only known member of her species which must make her the loneliest person in the galaxy. Bender then comes over to try and cheer Fry up, but as he does a little dance Fry starts sobbing causing Bender to ponder if he needs to work on his act.

Just like a classic episode of The Simpsons, the TV will tell us where the plot goes.

We cut to Fry seated on the couch all hunched over and sad. He declares he feels like a rat for sitting around whining like a pig while Leela was as lonely as a frog. He then adds he could kick himself, but Amy says she’ll do it for him and does. The Professor scolds him for being blind to Leela’s plight, which just cuts to Hermes telling him that Fry is “over there.” Bender is unphased though as he relaxes in a chair drinking booze and remarks how Xmas Eve is just another pointless day where he accomplishes nothing! Clearly, he needs his own plot then which is why we’re interrupted by a news broadcast. It’s hosted by Linda (Tress MacNeille) and the alien Morbo (Maurice LaMarche), the usual anchors for these broadcasts. Linda sets up her story by noting that Xmas is the time of year where we acknowledge the suffering of others, which is just Morbo’s cue to add “Earthlings do not yet know the meaning of suffering – muahahaha!” That’s his schtick.

First, Bender is snuggling with the office pet and now he’s off to do some charity work? This is too much!

Linda segues into a story about homeless robots who lack the necessary alcohol needed to power their circuits. She’s at a shelter which is basically a soup kitchen, but one that deals alcohol instead. She gestures to the scene and rhetorically asks, “Is there anything sadder? Only drowning puppies, and there would have to be a lot of them!” Bender turns off the TV and heads for the door. Apparently, our cold-hearted mechanical man has found the Xmas spirit for he tells the others that he’s going to volunteer at the shelter. They’re all skeptical and Hermes asks when has he ever done anything charitable? Bender counters there was that time he gave blood and when Fry asks, “Whose blood?” he comes back with “Some guy’s.” With Bender gone, Fry resumes his sulking so Zoidberg suggests he get down on his claws and do the apology dance to make it up to Leela. Fry pays attention to the demonstration miming the movements, then gets the idea in his head that he can just buy her an Xmas present. As he heads for the door the others caution him to be back before sunset. Fry indicates he likes to haggle, so he isn’t making any promises, which alerts the others that Fry doesn’t know about Santa Claus! Fry confirms that he does with a knowing wink, but the Professor is here to fill him in: In 2801 the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to distribute presents, but a programming error caused Santa to have too high of standards so everyone is on his Naughty List. Amy tells Fry if he gets caught that Santa will kill him while Professor Farnsworth adds “Nice knowing you!”

That’s better.

Time to check-in on Bender who has arrived at the liquor kitchen, only he’s not there to volunteer, but to score free booze. He’s dirtied himself up and put on a knit cap and some torn gloves and tells a volunteer he’s one of those lazy, homeless, robots he’s been hearing about and asks where the free booze is? The guy gestures in the proper direction and Bender is in. We then check in on Fry who is at the mall in search of a gift. He’s at a counter and explains his situation to the clerk, who suggests a nice, traditional, Xmas gift: a surface-to-Santa rocket launcher outfitted with jolly-seeking missiles. Fry laughs at the suggestion which causes one of the missiles to arm itself and point in his direction prompting a word of caution from the clerk.

Tinny Tim, the most pathetic robot you’re likely to see.

At the shelter, Bender is downing another bowl of booze and seems quite satisfied. He then tells the robot next to him who is modeled after an old hobo that someone is trying to steal his handkerchief full of crap. The robot turns to make sure his bindle is still there allowing Bender to steal his booze. A small, pathetic, robot approaches the counter. He’s wearing a flat cap and has a crutch for an arm. This is Tinny Tim (MacNeille), though right now he’s doing Oliver Twist as he politely asks for a bowl of booze, only to find out it’s all gone. As he sadly hobbles away, Bender says to himself, “My God, that poor kid,” and then laughs. Misdirection!

Decisions, decisions.

We are then whisked away to Joe’s Ark Pet Store, Formerly Noah’s Ark Shoe Store, where Fry is still in search of a gift for Leela. He pleads with the clerk as this is his last shot at finding the perfect gift. Following that is a series of gags where Fry is looking at some weird, futuristic, version of a pet and deciding it’s not good enough. Among them is an eight-legged dachshund and Bongo, the one-eared rabbit-like creature from Groening’s Life in Hell. Dissatisfied with his options, Fry asks the clerk what the best pet in the shop is and he points to the electric snail as his favorite pet. Fry declares it a stupid animal and calls the clerk stupid for suggesting it. He’s been hanging out with Bender too long. The clerk is understandably eager to get out of there before sundown and urges Fry to make a choice. Fry then zeroes in on a parrot that apparently costs 500 bucks. He remarks it’s a damn good parrot, but then spies stink lizards which are a buck each. He asks the clerk what women prefer: parrots or swarms of lizards? He’s instead urged to make a choice because the shop is closing setting up a gag where Fry goes back and forth agonizing over his decision as he basically narrates his thought process: “Okay, okay, I’ll take the 500 lizards. No! Wait! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! Yes! The parrot!” Every time he said “Yes” he inches closer to the lizards, a true misdirection if ever there was one.

Well, that took a turn rather quickly.

With that decision made, Fry leaves with his parrot satisfied that Leela will like it. The parrot (Welker) squawks in response and Fry cheerfully remarks how it’s quite the talker. It squawks again and Fry gets angry yelling “Shut the hell up!” The parrot is able to bite his nose through the cage causing Fry to drop it. When it hits the ground it breaks open and the parrot flies off. Fry raises the cage over his head and shouts “I know where you live!” Back at the Planet Express headquarters, Amy is wrapping gifts with Zoidberg as Nibbler bounces around and Hermes and the Professor play chess. Naked. There’s even a nice opening in the chair Hermes is seated in so we can see his butt crack. Leela enters looking for Fry, only to find out that he left to go get her a present. She’s alarmed given the hour and the others act like they have no idea why, but it’s so they can setup a joke for Leela to say “I’m telling you why – Santa Claus is coming to town!”

This is just a tremendous visual gag.

We find Fry at the base of a very tall building with a giant digital clock that reads 4:24 on the front of it. The parrot has apparently found a perch atop it and Fry is going after him. He states, “All right bird, you thought you could beat me in a game of wits, but you just met your equal.” At least he isn’t modest. Fry emerges at the top of the building where the parrot is perched atop the big clock face. There isn’t much room so Fry inches out with his back against the wall. He scoots along, and as he does so does the parrot until it runs out of real estate. Fry thinks he has the bird cornered, but it just does what birds do – it flies. In trying to grab it, Fry loses his balance. He appears to regain it for a second, but then abruptly falls. He’s able to grab onto the number 2 of the clock face, but he’s at the end of it and the number represents seconds that are elapsing. It’s apparently a tangible digital clock that changes to 3, but when it changes to a 4 the top disappears and Fry falls again grabbing onto the middle “bar” of the digital number. He’s safe only until it becomes a 7, then there are no more bars to grab onto.

Looks like everything is going to be just fine.

Lucky for Fry, Leela is there to grab him! Fry is so happy to see her that he declares he’s going to buy her so many lizards! Leela smiles and we cut to the pair walking out of the building. They have a heart-to-heart where Fry apologizes for ignoring her feelings and only focusing on himself. Leela accepts and suggests that at least this Xmas they can be lonely together. The two hold hands and this is probably the second big advancement of their romantic subplot following “A Flight to Remember.” As the two wish each other a “Merry Xmas,” they’re interrupted by a loud banging sound. They turn around and Fry is immediately excited to see Santa Claus! The robot gives a jolly “Ho Ho Ho,” but as it does, it’s U-shaped eyes rotate upside down into a frown as we head into an act break.

Oh, right, we forgot about the killer Santa.

After the break, Fry and Leela do not look at all happy to see the murderous robot as it approaches. Santa (John Goodman) informs the two that they have both been very naughty this year for neglecting each other’s feelings. When they tell Santa that they made up, he counters by asking if either of them had bothered to think about the feelings of their co-worker, Dr. Zoidberg? Fry quickly responds, “No! I swear!” in an early indication of how Zoidberg is to be treated going forward. Santa then tells the two he has something very special for them in his sack. As he reaches in, there’s a quick cut to Fry’s face and he’s smiling like he thinks Santa has a present for him, but he just pulls out a laser tommy gun and starts firing madly!

Clearly, Xmas is just the time of year where people make it easy for Bender to do crimes.

Fry and Leela are forced to run for their lives and rather than watch that we cut to Bender and some homeless robots singing Xmas carols outside an old lady’s (MacNeille) home. We get a piece of the future’s version of “Here Comes Santa Claus” which strikes a very different tone from the present, “So lock the door and hit the floor ’cause Santa Claus comes tonight.” The old lady applauds the group, which includes Tinny Tim, the robot with the bindle, and another, then tells them to go away. Bender stops her by suggesting it’s customary to invite carolers in for a traditional glass of hard cider. She surprisingly agrees and the gang heads in. The door closes and the camera stays outside the townhouse as we can hear them guzzling the stuff down and the old lady tell them that’s enough. The sound of empty bottles being discarded follows along with a command from Bender to get her purse. Suddenly, this is more like A Clockwork Orange than any Christmas special I know.

So did he have the spiked pom pom on his hat before or after he turned evil?

The scene shifts abruptly to Fry and Leela running towards the camera as Santa flies behind them. His sleigh is being pulled by two robotic reindeer as apparently eight weren’t needed. It does speak to humanity’s efficiency that in a thousand years they were able to devise a sleigh only in need of two reindeer to power it. As Santa continues to fire away at the two, Fry begs for their lives and promises to set out milk and cookies for the robot. Santa pauses, but only to remark how shocked he is that they would try to bribe him. That’s just another naughty deed and Santa vows to shove coal so far up their “stockings” that they’ll start coughing up diamonds! In the 90s, we were very fond of jokes that involved something going up the rectum and resulting in something hilarious occurring at the mouth region.

Sorry kids, this is no time for romance!

Santa tosses a grenade in Fry and Leela’s direction which is shaped like a traditional Christmas ornament. The two avoid it by ducking into an entryway to a building, but as Santa circles and prepares to come straight at them, they also realize they have no where left to run. As the two say their goodbyes to each other, Fry notices they’re standing under the mistletoe. The two lean in for a kiss, but the mood is disrupted by Santa declaring that their mistletoe is no match for his T.O.W. missile! He pulls out a massive rocket launcher and fires away, but as the missile heads right for the screaming Fry and Leela the parrot happens to fly by. It ends up taking one for the pair and as the feathers rain down in front of them Fry tells Leela her Xmas present may require some assembly.

I applaud Santa’s commitment to keeping some things old fashioned.

We jump back to Bender and his crew following their heist. Bender leads the group in his own version of the “Twelve Days of Christmas” which goes: “On the fourth day of Xmas I stole from that lady, four family photos – three jars of pennies – two former husbands – and a slipper on a shoe tree!” Each member of the gang sings their own line and the former husbands are urns. It’s pretty clever. Tinny Tim then spies Fry and Leela running in their direction and points them out as potential next victims, but Bender tells the gang he knows them – they got nothing. Santa is close behind the two and when he spies Bender he’s got some words to share. It would seem Bender is very high on Santa’s Naughty List, and when he tells Bender this he tries to finger the kid. Santa is so appalled that Bender would frame an orphan for his misdeeds that he feels compelled to update his list. Despite the fact that he can perform 50 mega-checks per second of his list, updating it is rather time consuming and as Santa does so the others run away.

“Finally, I look as pretty as I feel!”

At Planet Express HQ, the decorations are all in place and the clothes are back on. Hermes, Zoidberg, Amy, and Professor Farnsworth are seated all wearing Santa hats as the gift exchange begins. Zoidberg gifts Amy a set of combs, which is ironic because Amy sold all of her hair to buy a set of combs for Hermes. He too sold his hair to buy a set of combs for…Zoidberg? The bald crustacean accepts the gift and announces it will go splendid with his new hair! He takes his hat off and one side of his head features the hair of Amy and the other the hair of Hermes. No one apparently got the Professor anything, but he’s their boss so why should they? This obvious Gift of the Magi parody is very Futurama in that it sets up the joke, then goes beyond it in a way the audience should not have expected.

He’s on the roof!

The screaming of Fry, Leela, Bender, and the robot hobos puts an end to the lovely atmosphere in the room. The others see the crew from the window as they try to outrun Santa. The Professor notes they’ll be killed on their doorstep – with no trash pickup until January third. The door opens behind him and the group comes running in. They scramble to try and close the fireplace with this giant gear-like contraption, but it’s only Fry and Leela who try to push it while Bender urges them to use teamwork. Santa sticks a candy cane in front of it just before it locks into place and effortlessly forces himself inside along with his two reindeer minions.

Looks like it’s all over for this crew.

Santa menacingly descends from the ceiling and announces to the group before him that they’ve all been very naughty, very naughty indeed! Except Dr. Zoidberg who Santa gifts with a pogo stick. As the crab bounces merrily, Santa resumes his threats by indicating he’ll tare their skin off like wrapping paper and deck the halls with their guts – not his most clever threats. Bender gets an idea and tells everyone gathered that if they don’t believe in Santa then he can’t hurt them! Santa smacks him upside the head with his sack forcing Bender to cry out “Oh, God, the pain!”

This episode could have also been called “How Zoidberg Saved Xmas.”

Santa then commences with his punishment as he starts to laugh. Leela warns his belly is shaking like a bowl full of nitroglycerine while Amy and Fry point out Rudolph’s blinking nose. They’re clearly going to explode which will likely kill everyone in the process. When all hope is lost, the only one on the Nice List springs into action – literally! Bouncing on his pogo stick, Zoidberg snips one of the strings of lights which swings down and contacts Santa electrocuting him in the process. As he fries, Leela jump-kicks him back into his sleigh while Fry, Amy, Hermes, and the Professor (who is dangling off the tree and not really helping) carry the Xmas tree like a battering ram and slam Santa and the reindeer into the fireplace. The robots close the barrier and an explosion goes off behind it that rockets Santa and his reindeer into the sky leaving everyone else safe at last.

Oof, that’s an unfortunate sight.

With that out of the way, it’s time to serve Xmas dinner! The robots have stayed for dinner (and the wife of Hermes, LaBarbara, is suddenly present but not their son, Dwight) as Bender brings out a platter which contains…the charred remains of Leela’s dead parrot. Fry asks Bender where he got the bird and he says he got it where he gets all of the food he serves them – lying in the street. He starts carving the bird, which no one appears interested in eating, and puts a toenail on Tinny Tim’s plate. Nibbler then puts everyone out of their misery by eating the rest and then snatches the toenail from Tinny Tim’s plate. Bender is bummed, which prompts Fry to say the food isn’t important, but before he can continue Tinny Tim sadly moans to himself that he’s so hungry. Fry continues by saying despite being surrounded by robots, monsters, and old people, he’s happy to be among them all at Xmas. Everyone seems to share the same sentiment and the Professor announces that it’s time to shut up and sing!

Merry Xmas, everyone!

The whole gang gathers at the piano where Hermes leads them in a traditional Xmas song. Here we get a larger sample of this universe’s “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” which goes: He knows when you are sleeping(Amy). He knows when you’re on the can(Farnsworth). He’ll hunt you down and blast your ass from here to Pakistan(Leela)! Oh, you better not breath, you better not move(Hermes). You’re better off dead I’m telling you, dude(Bender). Santa Claus is gunning you down(Fry)!” Professor Farnsworth then steps into frame to announce “Merry Xmas!” as he disrobes into his birthday suit and takes his place beside his employees.

We can’t forget the moon shot. Too bad the credits are over it.

The camera zooms out through the window and pans up to the sky. We can see the skyscraper Fry dangled from earlier which now reads 8:57, which in the show’s original broadcast coincided with the actual time of day it would have been. Santa then comes flying by with a threat, he’ll be back when we least expect it – next Xmas! He laughs his evil laugh and flies into the sky and we end this one on a proper moon shot. Bravo, Futurama, bravo!

And that is the story of what Christmas Xmas is like in the year 3000. As an episode of Futurama, it follows the familiar template of Fry getting introduced to something about the future that’s changed from the past. There’s quite a few of these events in the first seasons of the show and this is one of the better ones. I tried not to keep pointing it out, but I love all of the misdirection in this one. So many jokes are just: here is the premise, here is your logical conclusion, but oh wait, that’s not the real conclusion! It’s the type of humor that can fall flat after repeat viewings because the surprises are no longer a surprise. In spite of that, this episode of Futurama remains timeless and it’s so timeless that I consider it one of the best Christmas Xmas specials ever aired.

Poor parrot, we hardly knew ye.

In terms of production, there is nothing special about this episode compared with a normal episode of the show. It looks fantastic, because pretty much all of Futurama from this era looked amazing, but did have the added benefit of being the first time the show really got to play with snow. The early scenes at the lodge look terrific even if there isn’t a ton of creativity on display as far as how a ski lodge in the year 3000 might look. The skyscraper with the giant digital clock is a terrific set piece and an even better gag when it turns out it actually has a physical form that Fry can interact with. And even though he didn’t last long, the parrot was pretty amusing. Poor, little, birdy.

I don’t think of this one as crass as some other Xmas specials, and then I remember the drowning children.

As an Xmas special, this one is surprisingly by the numbers for the first two acts. Two people are coping with the holiday blues brought on by loneliness and the holiday brings them together. It just brings them together in fear because Santa Claus is now homicidal. Fry and Leela nearly share a kiss, which wouldn’t have been their first since they kiss in “A Flight to Remember.” There, their kiss was one of deception and not romance so this one would have landed differently had it been allowed to take place. The show would play up the “will they won’t they” angle for many episodes to come and would eventually pair the two up. The Santa angle is present mostly for shock value, but it’s also entertaining. There are some good one-liners to be found that take a popular Xmas saying and turn it around, though it is the one aspect of the episode that does seem to get weaker as it goes along. Though it does turn things around with that humorous parody of “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” that basically takes us out.

In closing, this Xmas episode of Futurama has heart, but it’s also more funny and subversive than anything. I don’t think it has any real commentary to make on the holiday itself, but that’s fine as there’s plenty of space to do that elsewhere. This one just wants to present a ludicrous take on the holiday and give the viewer something to laugh at. If you want a funny Xmas special that doesn’t feature the crudeness of say South Park or American Dad! then this one should more than fit the bill. I absolutely love it, along with its sequel episode, and I think you will too.

Oh, and who could forget the casual nudity?

If you would like to watch Futurama‘s “Xmas Story,” then the easiest way in the US is via Hulu where the show presently resides. I think the show still airs on television as well where this episode will likely air. If you’re outside the US, then it can be found on Disney+. The best way to watch it though is to simply buy all of Season Two on physical media that way yo can enjoy it, and the rest of Season Two, whenever you want.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 20 – A Charlie Brown Christmas

Let’s continue our look at the best of the best in the field of Christmas specials with perhaps the most quoted, parodied, and maybe even beloved special of all time: A Charlie Brown Christmas. This is the special that shouldn’t exist. It’s one if you are able to separate your nostalgia for the special itself…

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Dec. 20 – Toy Tinkers

We’re rounding the corner to Christmas. With just five days left until the big day, that means we have time for just five more specials after this one! And since we’ve hit another multiple of five, it’s time to do another retro-lookback (or whatever I’m calling these things) at an all-time classic: Toy Tinkers. Toy…

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Dec. 20 – Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas

Once upon a time, Hanna-Barbera ruled the cartoon television universe. The company was one of the first to prioritize television over film when it came to cartoons, and it was a strategy that worked quite well. Come the 80s, cartoons were a Saturday morning staple and were taking over the weekday afternoon as well. Hanna-Barbera…

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Dec. 10 – Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire

Original air date December 17, 1989

Today, we return to my best Christmas specials of all-time list with television’s first family: The Simpsons. The Simpsons are the brainchild of series creator Matt Groening who allegedly came up with the idea as a spur of the moment one when he needed something to pitch to the Fox Network. He essentially based The Simpsons on his own family and even borrowed some of the names of his family members for the now iconic characters of the show. The pitch was a success and The Simpsons became a segment on The Tracey Ullman Show. When it gained enough popularity that the Fox Network couldn’t ignore, the segment was spun-off into its own series.

When Fox decided to take a chance on The Simpsons it did so with some trepidation. TV people James L. Brooks and Sam Simon were added to the mix to give it some credibility, but the Fox Network was still young with inexperience at virtually every level of the operation. And the TV guys the network brought in had little experience with animation. Fox wasn’t willing to commit to a full season order, so 13 episodes were ordered for the first season. That inexperience with animation reared its head early when the very first episode, “Some Enchanted Evening,” came back from the overseas animator looking dreadful. Un-airable. The team didn’t understand how long retakes would take in animation nor did they realize how expensive they were. It’s not a big deal to do reshoots in live-action with a set that lives in perpetuity on a studio lot, but for animation someone has to re-draw, re-color, and re-edit the show.

Obviously, those growing pains would eventually pay dividends and The Simpsons is currently airing its 35th season. And it all started here. When “Some Enchanted Evening” came back so bad it called for a lot of changes, the show wouldn’t make its original air date so Fox decided to delay it to give it more time. As part of that delay, the Christmas episode was moved up. Now, The Simpsons could premiere as a Christmas special in December of 1989 with the rest of the season kicking off in 1990. It’s a bit unusual for a show to start with a Christmas episode, but not unheard of. The Fox animated series Life With Louie would do a Christmas special as a pilot a few years later which would turn into a series order for that show. And because today’s episode was the first to air, it’s now just recognized as the show’s first episode even though it wasn’t number 1 in production order.

The first season of The Simpsons is admittedly a little rough. It always takes a show time to find its voice and The Simpsons is no different. For a first episode though, this one is pretty damn good. The show knew it wanted the family to be a bit dysfunctional. So many television families of the past were rather wholesome with little conflict within the family unit that wasn’t just some trivial issue. That was changing in the 80’s and the sitcom Roseanne is often cited as one of the first shows willing to put a more “real” family on TV. Married…with Children went hard into that with a more farcical take while The Simpsons would land somewhere in-between. Being animation, the show could get a little out there when compared with a live-action sitcom while still retaining plot issues like job security and money.

And this first episode of The Simpsons very much deals with money issues. Financial stress around the holidays is definitely not unique to the Simpsons and many families deal with that every year. It’s exacerbated by the presence of Santa Claus who bestows presents on the good boys and girls of the world and coal on the bad ones. When Santa brings the rich kid down the street a new bike while the poor kid settles for a yo-yo, it’s bound to raise some questions on the playground. As a result, all parents feel pressured to shower their children with gifts whether they can afford it or not. I’m guilty of going a little nuts around the holidays, and while I’ve never spent outside my means, I do regret not setting expectations lower. Maybe one gift should be from Santa and the rest from mom and dad. It might not make the kid who gets little feel much better, but at least said kid isn’t left wondering why Santa treats him so poorly while the kid who doesn’t need any help is rewarded.

They must be pretty late if no one is even on the road.

Anyway, the unique flavor of this Christmas episode of The Simpsons is what makes it so endearing for me. It also doesn’t hurt that it has incredible historic significance by being the first of over 700 episodes and counting. Perhaps to give it more of a “Christmas Special” feel, the episode doesn’t begin with the usual show intro. We just get a quick jingle of the main theme (composed by Danny Elfman) with a graphic that reads “The Simpsons Christmas Special” super-imposed over a dark, snowy, backdrop. Homer (Dan Castellaneta), Marge (Julie Kavner), and Maggie are in the car heading for a school Christmas recital. Homer is driving rather erratically as they’re apparently late while Marge urges him to slow down.

“Pardon my goulashes.”

When the family arrives at the recital, late, they’re forced to awkwardly slip in to find seats. As they do so, Homer keeps calling out to other fathers he knows and who could forget Homer’s buddy Norman? Or Fred? Yeah, these are names we’ll never hear again. Even though Homer makes a remark to Norman about “getting dragged here too” he seems pretty cheerful and happy to be present, a far cry from how he feels about attending a thorough re-telling of the life of George Washington in Season Four.

A very odd color choice here.

Once they find their seats, Homer and Marge watch as Principal Skinner (Harry Shearer) introduces the presentations which are by class. Up next, a presentation of Santas from around the world by the second graders. It almost feels like there’s only one second grade class in this school which gives Springfield a very small town feel. I think in my town, a suburb in New Hampshire, we had around 12-15 classes per grade. Up first is possibly a proto-Janie (Pamela Hayden) to talk about German Santa who bestows gifts upon the good children and whipping rods on the parents of bad children to beat them with. We then hear from a proto-Ralph (Nancy Cartwright) who looks a little like Ralph Wiggum, but sounds nothing like him. He’s a Japanese priest who resembles Santa and his main feature is that he has eyes in the back of his head which the child demonstrates with a pair of spring-eyed glasses he’s wearing backwards. The crowd gasps as they fall out of place which feels very quaint by today’s standards. Finally, it’s Lisa’s (Yeardley Smith) turn who will be portraying a Polynesian Santa or something. It too causes the crowd to gasp because it involves a fire dance, or maybe they’re gasping because she looks like she isn’t wearing any pants? It’s an odd coloring choice as she’s wearing a straw skirt with virtually no coverage and her leggings are the same color as her flesh. Everyone applauds when she finishes either because they enjoyed it or because they’re just impressed she didn’t burn the place down.

“He’s the boy you love to hate!”

And now it’s time to hear from the fourth grade class – screw those stupid third graders! This is, of course, Bart’s (Cartwright) class and what’s America’s soon-to-be favorite little hellion going to do to ruin this pageant? Why, nothing more than change the words to “Jingle Bells.” You know the one, that famous school yard parody of unknown origin that turns the yuletide classic into a song about Batman’s poor hygiene. As the camera pans through the crowd of fourth-graders assembled on the stage, virtually none of them are recognizable. I did spot Lewis and Milhouse is in the first row, but the other faces are weird and unfamiliar. Before Bart breaks into his own rendition, Marge gets to comment on how angelic he is. Once he finishes his verse, a hand jumps into frame to yank him out of position. I assume it belonged to Skinner. Homer looks mad, then he looks bored as there’s a dissolve to indicate the passage of time and we can hear Skinner announcing the fifth grade performance. Behind Marge, there’s a woman without a nose which is creepy. Homer mutters aloud “How many grades does this school have?” and we fade out.

Christmas is coming, Simpsons.

We’re now at the home of the Simpson family! It’s decorated for Christmas and there’s a roaring fire. The kids are writing out their Christmas lists while Marge is working on a Christmas letter to send out. We hear her internal dictation to herself as she writes it. She notes that their cat died, but they replaced old Snowball with a new cat – Snowball II. Snowball II can be seen getting tangled in a box of Christmas lights which Homer is trying to untangle. It also should be noted the joke here is that the dead cat was a white one and appropriately named Snowball while the new one is a black cat, but they just kept the name anyway. Marge writes about how Grandpa is still alive and as feisty as ever and boasts about how well Lisa is doing in school. When she gets to Bart she just writes, “…well, we love Bart,” and lets that be it. Homer angrily barks at her asking if she finished that “stupid” letter yet prompting Marge to write “Homer sends his love,” before putting the finishing touches on it.

I tried to get the twister mouth captured, but it was driving me nuts, so here’s this relatively bland image instead.

Homer resumes his demands of Marge as he can’t seem to locate the extension chord. Marge snaps back that it’s where it should be – in the utility drawer. Good for Marge for standing up for herself. Homer softens and apologizes and blames it all on his excitement for the holidays. He then retrieves the extension chord from the drawer and we get a sort of “d’oh!” out of him when he finds it all tangled. Marge then asks the kids for their lists and indicates that she’ll send them to Santa right away. This prompts Bart to mutter, through a classic Simpsons twister mouth expression, “Oh please, there’s only one fat guy who brings presents and his name ain’t Santa.” You can tell the show wasn’t really going after the kid market in the beginning otherwise such a line wouldn’t exist.

This is just the beginning of Homer’s hatred of Patty and Selma.

Marge is then dismayed to see that the only thing Lisa wants is a pony and Bart wants a tattoo. Bart tries to justify his desire by saying they last forever, but Homer tells him he’s not getting one. If Bart wants a tattoo he’ll have to pay for it himself! Well, at least he tried. The phone rings and Homer answers it. On the other line is one of Marge’s sisters who just asks for Marge. Homer tries asking who is calling, but she just keeps asking for Marge as she clearly wants nothing to do with Homer. This just angers Homer, but he finally hands the phone to Marge and we find out it’s her sister Patty (Kavner). She indicates that she and her twin sister Selma (also Kavner) would be delighted to spend Christmas Eve with their baby sister. Marge tells her that she and Homer would be delighted to see them too and Patty, correctly, notes that Homer is probably not very enthusiastic about it. She then starts to complain about Homer as the scene fades out.

Don’t be confused, this is an image of the lights turned on. Nice attention to detail by having Homer’s imprint still in the snow.

When the next scene fades in, we find Homer on the roof in a rather precarious position as he attempts to hang Christmas lights. He does the predictable thing and falls, but there’s a nice pile of powder for him to land on so he’s no worse for ware. Homer then calls the kids over to plug in the lights. For some reason, he’s also wearing a tie now. Maybe this is the next night after work? Anyway, Homer calls for Marge to turn them on and it’s a rather pathetic display as only a couple of lights are working. Lisa adds a “Nice try, Dad,” while Bart can’t even muster up an insult and just hangs his head with a groan. Homer seems pleased though, at least until his neighbor Ned Flanders (Shearer) shouts over to ask him what he thinks of his display? He plugs it in and it’s pretty spectacular compared with Homer’s as all of the lights are working and there’s even an animated Santa on the roof. The kids stare at it in awe while Homer complains it’s too bright and crosses his arms angrily to mutter to himself.

The fabled big jar of money!

The next morning, Marge tells the kids over breakfast that she’s heading to the mall for Christmas shopping, and if they want to go too, they should go get their money. They’re pretty excited about going to the mall because it’s 1989 and that’s where all the action is! With them out of the kitchen, Homer is able to prod Marge about her secret stash of Christmas money. She tells him to close his eyes so as not to reveal her hiding place and when he does we find out it’s a big jar she keeps hidden in her giant hair. Marge must have amazing neck strength. Homer opens his eyes and remarks on how big the jar is this year as it’s full of bills and coins.

These things always seem like such a good idea at the time.

At the mall, Marge and Lisa go off shopping basically leaving Bart to his own whims. He soon happens upon a tattoo parlor and notices a display containing a heart design that says “Mother” on it. Bart fantasizes how such a tattoo would be received by his own mother which confirms to him that she thinks it’s a wonderful present that makes him look dangerous. Since Bart’s imagination is infallible, he heads to the counter and demands “One mother, please.” The tattoo artist curtly asks how old he is and Bart cheerfully responds with “21 my good man!” The guy simply responds with “Get in the chair.” According to the episode commentary, the writers struggled with how to get Bart into the tattoo chair because who would agree to tattoo a 10 year old? This simple line was what they settled on and I think it works. The line delivery by Harry Shearer is also perfect in selling this guy’s “I don’t care” attitude.

A Season One look at the office of C. Montgomery Burns. Interesting that the stuffed bear would remain a mainstay.

We cut to the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant which has a festive banner at the entrance denoting the time of year. We find Homer inside doing something he rarely does: work. He’s looking at some gauges and noting the readings on a clipboard. This is still Homer though and it would appear he’s doing a bad job as one meter rises abruptly and another is flashing red. The intercom comes on and it’s the voice of Waylon Smithers (Shearer) who is set to introduce Mr. Burns (Shearer) for an important announcement. Despite Smithers requesting that all employees continue working through this announcement, Homer puts his clipboard down and starts munching on a donut. He’s soon joined by several other, random, workers as Mr. Burns makes his announcement. He is pleased to report that they have improved plant safety without affecting consumer costs or management pay raises. Unfortunately, for the other “semi-skilled” workers, as he puts it, this means there will be no Christmas bonus this year. Dejected, the other workers disperse while Homer looks pretty distressed and thanks God for the big jar of money.

Lasers: very expensive and not for the groin.

Naturally, this means the big jar of money is in serious plot jeopardy. We go back to the mall and Marge spots her precious little guy in the chair at the tattoo parlor. She storms in and yanks the boy out mid-tattoo turning his intended “Mother” tattoo into one that says “Moth.” She drags him by the arm, his recently tattooed arm, a few stores down which just so happens to be a laser surgery center. I can’t say I ever saw such a place in a mall, but it does make good business sense to have one located near a tattoo parlor. The technician (Shearer) tells Marge they can remove the tattoo, but it’s a costly procedure that requires an upfront, cash, payment. Marge just looks at the big jar of money she’s carrying in despair and adds a “Thank God for Homer’s Christmas bonus.” Oh Marge, you poor fool! With the payment seemingly made, Bart can get the procedure. As the laser warms up, we get to hear one of Bart’s catchphrases, “Aye carumba!” The technician then instructs him not to squirm as you wouldn’t want to get this laser near your eye or your groin. Apparently, getting the word groin past the censors was a minor battle the show won.

Just in case there wasn’t a penny lurking in there, she turns it upside down.

It’s time to head back to 742 Evergreen Terrace (well, technically, in Season One the address had yet to be decided, but you get the idea) where Bart is sitting on the couch watching TV while Lisa pokes his new arm injury. She pokes, he says “Ow! Quit it,” and we repeat. Maggie also gets in on it. I actually really like this gag. Homer comes home to hear the bad news. Lisa is almost too eager to tell her father that the family had to blow the Christmas jar on laser surgery for Bart. Homer takes one look at that empty jar, which Marge turns upside down and shakes for added dramatic effect, and immediately begins wailing about Christmas being cancelled. Marge then assures her husband things will be okay because they still have his Christmas bonus. If you think this is the part where Homer tells the family he’s not getting a bonus this year then you have clearly never watched a sitcom. Homer just acts like he’s just remembering he has that bonus coming and no one in the family appears to pick up on the fact that he’s lying. Homer then exits the house through the kitchen, which is somehow the front door. One of the fun aspects to watching Season One of this show now is how crazy the layout of the house gets. Some shots will just have endless entryways in the background, or even in this past scene, Marge enters into the living room via the den, but when camera cuts back to her it’s the kitchen that’s behind her.

A lot of early episodes of The Simpsons feature Homer and Marge in bed.

Homer takes a sad look at his crappy Christmas decorations and the camera pans to the home of the Flanders so we can get a better sense of how inferior Homer’s Christmas is shaping up in comparison. He can’t even muscle up a “Stupid Flanders,” comment, only hang his head in shame. The scene then shifts to one of Marge and Homer in bed. Marge can tell something is bothering Homer and that he’s hiding something from her as well. When she brings up the subject of his Christmas bonus, Homer gets a chance to come clean, but instead of doing so makes up a lie about wanting to do the Christmas shopping this year. Marge is happy to hand over the list to her husband as that’s one less thing she has to worry about and she rolls over to go to sleep. With the lights out, we can still see the white of Homer’s eyes and his unsure smile.

Can’t be forgetting little Maggie’s Christmas present.

The next day, Homer heads out to do said Christmas shopping. His venue of choice? Not the mall, that’s much too expensive, for he has come to the seldom seen Circus of Values. I don’t think this store ever resurfaces in the future. Homer is monologuing his shopping decisions, which is very convenient for us viewers, as he picks out gifts for the family. Marge is getting pantyhose, Bart some pads of paper, and Maggie gets a squeak toy intended for dogs that’s shaped like a porkchop. Lisa apparently gets nothing. As Homer leaves with his lone bag of “gifts,” he bumps into Flanders outside. Ned couldn’t see him because his arms were piled high with wrapped gifts which are now all over the sidewalk. Ned apologizes then takes note of the mess before them and how tricky it will be to sort out what’s what. As he starts picking stuff up with a “One of mine,” for each, Homer growls back “They’re all yours!” since he has his lone bag in-hand. To add further insult to injury, Todd Flanders (Pamela Hayden, and the credits actually list this as Rod Flanders, but it’s clearly Todd) has picked up Homer’s porkchop and offers it back to him which he angrily snatches from the youth’s hand. Mind you, this looks extra pathetic as the Simpson family doesn’t currently own a dog. The two Flanders then head off to wherever it is they’re off to with Todd telling his dad that this will be the best Christmas ever! Does anybody ever make such a statement unironically in real life?

This version of Moe’s Tavern is basically free of dank.

Feeling pretty low, Homer heads to his favorite watering hole: Moe’s Tavern. Here, the grumpy Moe (Hank Azaria) is sporting a festive Santa hat and is overseeing a pretty well-decorated bar. The Moe of later seasons would never go this far to decorate his place. He also has black hair and a pink apron, two things that will change before the season is concluded. He asks Homer what’s wrong and notes he’s been sucking on a beer all day. He even offers Homer a candy cane to cheer him up – who is this guy?! Barney (Castellaneta) enters and announces drinks all around! Which is just he and Homer. He’s decked out in a Santa suit and Homer prods why. Barney tells him he got a job playing Santa down at the mall as he downs almost an entire mug of beer in one swig. Homer asks if he thinks he could get a job doing that and Barney cautions him by saying “They’re very selective,” before unleashing his classic belch. In case you were unaware, Barney is named after Barney Rubble as the writers thought it would be funny to give Homer a loser Barney as a best friend.

These Santas look more than a little strung out.

We cut to Homer on a job interview for this Santa program. The man conducting the interview (Shearer) wants to know if Homer likes kids and his response is “All the time?” He’s clearly not good at this stuff. The guy just frowns and Homer picks up on it and reassures the man that he does indeed like children. He’s hired on the spot, but is then given the bad news that he has to go through Santa training. This takes us to perhaps one of the more enduring scenes from this episode as a room full of men dressed as Santa are robotically belting out “Ho ho ho,” from desks. The laughter, if you want to call it that, is interrupted by Homer raising his hand to ask the trainer (also Shearer, the guy voices almost everyone in this thing) when they get paid. He’s told “Not a dime until Christmas Eve,” and the men in the room resume their “Ho ho ho” routine only with much less enthusiasm.

There aren’t many bullet-headed characters in future episodes.

Next we find Homer in front of the class trying to recall the names of Santa’s reindeer. He gets the first three right, then guesses Nixon, followed by Comet, Cupid, Donna Dixon. The trainer just curtly tells him to sit down. It then cuts to Homer seated with a smile on his face while the trainer sits on his lap. They’re role-playing how a visit with Santa might go, and when the trainer accuses him of being a fake, Homer’s response is to punch him in the face. The trainer prevents him from doing so and gets him to calm down and instructs him that he’s supposed to just lie to get out of such a sticky situation by saying he’s one of Santa’s helpers. Homer reassures himself that he knew that and this is apparently all the training he’s getting.

Even the kids can’t stand them.

Homer enters the house, exhausted, and Marge is there to ask him why he’s seven hours late. He tells her he doesn’t want to talk about it and is heading straight for the tub. I feel like no one does that anymore, or maybe people with fancy tubs or hot tubs do. I, like the Simpsons, have a pretty basic bath tub and I wouldn’t dream of taking a bath in it. Marge tells Homer that her sisters are here which forces a shudder from Homer. He slinks into the living room to say hi while Bart and Lisa are relieved to see their father as it means getting away from the clutches of their aunts. They both latch onto one of his legs as Homer greets the twins doing a very poor job of masking his dislike for them. When he wishes them a “Merry Christmas,” they both sort of snort in response and point out how you can’t tell it’s Christmas in this house because there’s no tree. Homer angrily responds that he was just about to go get one. Bart and Lisa run after him asking if they can tag along, but their father snaps at them with a “No!” before storming out.

Does Homer always keep a chainsaw in his trunk or did he take it from the garage knowing this is how his night was going to end up?

Homer heads out into the night to the tune of “Winter Wonderland.” We see him drive by lot after lot of Christmas trees all with a posted price that is apparently out of his price range. And with good reason, the first one wants $75 a tree. In 1989, $75 was like $180 today and that’s pretty insane for a tree. I think I paid $65 for my tree last year and it was at one of those farms where you pick out your own tree and cut it down. I haven’t bought a lot tree since I was a kid, so I’m not sure if what I do costs more money or less. As Homer drives, he passes other lots and the price is going down, but not by much. The last one we see is advertising slightly irregular trees for $45 that look like something out of a Dr. Seuss book so Homer does the only sensible thing: he sneaks onto someone’s property and cuts his own tree! We just see him as a shadowy figure with the sound of a chainsaw echoing around him. Dogs are unleashed, there’s some gunfire, but Homer escapes unharmed.

It’s never a bad idea to bribe Santa, kid.

Back at home, everyone is impressed with Homer’s tree while Selma points out there’s a birdhouse in it. Homer just says it’s an ornament, but I doubt he’s fooling his sisters-in-law who are at least kind enough to just drop the subject. We end the scene with Patty asking if she smells gun powder. Now, it’s mall time and Homer is in the big guy’s chair! Some little kid (Cartwright) is asking him for a bunch of stuff, but Homer tells him he doesn’t need all of that junk since he probably has a good home and a loving father who would do anything for him. The kid has no response, so Homer just asks him for a bite of his donut. The scene ends with the photographer snapping a picture of Homer Santa taking a very generous bite out of said donut and the kid doesn’t look too happy.

Oh, that Bart!

From a nearby balcony, Bart, Milhouse (Hayden), and Lewis (Cartwright) are all watching this unfold. None of the kids recognize Homer and they’re poking fun at the kids who actually buy into this Santa grift. Bart dares Milhouse, who appears to be dressed in a Santa suit himself, to sit on his lap, but Milhouse counters with a dare for Bart to yank his beard. Bart, not being one to back down, accepts this dare and makes his way towards Santa. When he’s seated on Homer’s lap, Homer lets out a yelp at the sight of his own kid, but then tries to play it cool by asking him his name. This is where we get another classic Bart line of “I’m Bart Simpson, who the Hell are you?” Homer just growls in response, “I’m jolly old Saint Nick.” Bart declares they’ll just see about that as he gives Homer’s beard a tug and we get another picture shot. This time it’s Homer’s beard being pulled down and a shocked Bart realizing who is in costume here.

This is the most awe Bart will ever have for his father.

Homer scoops up his boy in his arms and angrily storms off to a prop house in the back for a little heart-to-heart. Now is when Homer finally comes clean to someone about his lack of a bonus. Bart is actually impressed with his father and points out how low he’s willing to sink to make sure he and the family have a good Christmas. It’s not the nicest phrasing, but Bart’s smile indicates he’s sincere and Homer seems touched. He then heads back out to resume his duty as the big guy, but after saying “Hi” to all of the children he smacks his head on the door frame and utters some mild profanity which seems to alarm some of the mothers nearby.

Not even in 1989 would 13 bucks get you very far.

With the job done, all that is left to do is collect a big, fat, check! Bart apparently decided to spend the rest of the day at his father’s side as he’s joined him in the line for checks with the other Santas. Homer sees this as an opportunity to teach Bart the value of work, but when he’s handed a check for a meager $13 all of that is ruined. He demands of the teller to explain how his pay was only $13 only to find out they deducted things from his pay like the cost of the suit, training, and other stuff. It was supposed to be a check for over 100 bucks which probably would have done a decent job of acquiring gifts in 1989, but 13 bucks won’t get you anything.

Is Barney Gumble the harbinger of miracles to come?!

Homer, defeated, plops down on a couch while Bart suggests they just head home. Then we hear the voice of Barney offscreen overjoyed at receiving a check for “Thirteen big ones!” Homer doesn’t understand why Barney is so happy only to find out that Barney has plans for this money. He’s heading to the dog track where a can’t miss pup by the name of Whirlwind is fixing to turn this 13 bucks into something more. He encourages Homer to come along, but Homer finds the idea of taking his kid to a sleazy dog track on Christmas Eve rather distasteful. This is when Bart chimes in that this is how all of the Christmas miracles in TV happen. Apparently he’s self aware as he lists off some of television’s miracle benefators at Christmas including Tiny Tim, Charlie Brown, and The Smurfs. Homer seems convinced, and I bet a Season 3 Homer would be enthusiastic about following the lessons taught by TV, but this one just asks “Who’s Tiny Tim?” as they head out.

Well it looks like one Simpsons kid is having a pretty swell Christmas, at least.

At the Simpson house, Patty and Selma are present along with Grandpa (Castellaneta) Simpson for Christmas Eve. They’re watching a Christmas special on TV starring the Happy Little Elves, a sort of parody of The Smurfs seldom seen after the first season. Lisa is reacting to the show in earnest fashion while the adults, mostly Grandpa, can’t stand it. It’s then pointed out by Patty that Homer is late and Marge says he told him that he was going caroling with Bart. This then smash cuts to Barney and Bart singing “We’re in the Money” as they make their way into the dog track. Homer still can’t believe he’s doing this, and that feeling only mounts when he gets a look at Whirlwind and declares the dog a scrawny little bag of bones. Bart, who is now wearing Homer’s Santa hat and looking pretty adorable, points out that all of the dogs are scrawny little bags of bones. There’s also a brief exchange between another father and son where the kid asks if they can open their gifts now with the dad retorting “You know the tradition son, not until the 8th race.” It’s hilariously sad.

Bart’s not a very bright kid, but he still may be smarter than his father.

As Barney makes his way to the counter to place his bet, a voice (Shearer) comes over the loudspeaker to announce that number 8 is being replaced with a new dog: Santa’s Little Helper. Homer hears this name and thinks it’s a sign. He expresses his enthusiasm towards Bart who tells his father it’s just a coincidence. Even when they get the odds on the dog, 99 to 1, Homer still isn’t dismayed. He sees it as an opportunity, but Bart informs him that he has a bad feeling about this. Homer basically begs his son to trust in him because it’s all he has and Bart decides to go along so as to spare his father’s feelings. There’s no changing his dad’s mind anyway as he bets it all on Santa’s Little Helper.

Lisa with a very smart defense of her father. If only he could have been there to hear it.

Back at the house, everyone is still watching (and not enjoying) The Happy Little Elves. Well, Lisa is, that is until she overhears her aunt Patty refer to her father as a “doofus.” When she asks her aunt what she said, Patty just nonchalantly informs her that she’s just trashing her father. Lisa then, rather calmly, sticks up for her father, “Well, I wish you wouldn’t, because aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings he is the only father I have. Therefore, he is my model of manhood and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships so I hope that you bare in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me and I am far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts.” Patty has nothing to say aside from “Watch your cartoon, dear.” She put that old bat in her place!

Well, at least they’re only out 13 bucks.

It’s race time down at the track and Homer and Bart are up against the railing to take it all in. Homer encourages Bart to kiss the ticket for good luck and then the dogs are off! The two enthusiastically cheer on their chosen champion until it’s announced that he’s currently in last place, and pretty far back at that. Bart just tries to tell his dad that this is when the miracle happens and the two resume their cheering and are hooting and hollering as…Whirlwind crosses the finish line. Bart is dumbfounded and can only conclude that television has been lying to him. Homer bangs his head on the railing, a terrific use of foley, and then says he doesn’t want to leave until their dog finishes. The shot holds for a solid 3 seconds or so before Homer gives up and says they can leave. That’s probably my favorite joke in the whole episode.

So is Daria a girlfriend? Prostitute? Some random girl Barney met at the track?

Out in the parking lot, Homer and Bart are picking up discarded tickets and hoping to stumble upon an accidentally discarded winner. They’re soon interrupted by Barney who comes driving by in a convertible, on Christmas Eve, in a cold climate. It’s a choice, but he’s in the money! He doesn’t seem to know that Homer didn’t follow his advice as he just asks “What did I tell ya – Whirlwind!” He then burps and says to his lady friend “Let’s go, Daria.” For years, many fans insisted that Barney said “diarrhea” instead of Daria, but once the DVDs came out we could see for certain that he was saying Daria. I, for one, always heard Daria.

Welcome to the family, boy.

With Barney gone and no winning tickets found, Homer and Bart hang their heads and presumably start heading for the car. They then hear shouting as an angry voice declares “You came in last for the last time!” We don’t know it now, but the voice belongs to Les Moore (Azaria) and he’ll return in a future episode. For now, all we need to know about him is that he’s the present owner of Santa’s Little Helper and he no longer wants to be. Bart points the dog out as he races across the parking lot and leaps into Homer’s arms! Bart immediately asks if they can keep him, but Homer is still mad at this dog for coming in last. He starts trying to justify why they shouldn’t keep him, “But he’s a loser! He’s pathetic! He’s…” and then the dog licks him and Homer smiles, “…a Simpson.” Gets me every time.

Always deliver the bad new first.

One last trip to 742 Evergreen Terrace is in order. At this point, Grandpa has fallen asleep, the cartoon is way past over, and Patty and Selma are frothing at the mouth waiting to see what state Homer eventually returns in. Marge is just wondering if she should call the police when the door opens and Homer enters. He announces that he has a confession to make, and Patty and Selma get real excited at this. He starts to detail how he didn’t get his bonus, and that he tried to keep it from ruining their Christmas, but he doesn’t get to finish his sad speech as Bart come bursting in with a “Look what we got!”

Aww, he’s kissing the baby!

It’s Santa’s Little Helper, and basically everyone gets excited at the news. Well, except Patti and Selma who seem disappointed that Homer didn’t fail. Lisa declares that love at first sight is real while Bart adds that if he runs away he’ll be easy to catch. Marge adds a “God bless him” in her husband’s direction and tells him this is the best gift that he could possibly give them. Homer can only respond with “It is?” as Marge explains to him that it’s something to express their love. Lisa then asks what the dog’s name is and Homer says, “Number 8 – I mean, Santa’s Little Helper.” The picture gimmick is used for a third time to make a sort of Simpsons Christmas card that reads “Merry Christmas from The Simpsons” and I just love how even Grandpa looks thrilled about the dog.

It may be corny, but I do enjoy the Christmas card ending.

It’s not over though! As the credits roll, the family gathers around to sing “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” with Grandpa at the piano. Maggie races back and forth on the back of the new family dog while everyone else sings. Bart, in a callback to how this thing started, does the school yard thing of interjecting comments between the verse. “You would even say it glows – like a light bulb!” This angers Homer, and even Lisa gets in on it. Marge tells Homer to take it away and solo the part of Santa Claus asking Rudolph to guide his sleigh, but Homer doesn’t know the words and makes them up, “Rudolph with your nose over here, so you can guide my sleigh…today.” Grandpa adds a disappointed “Oh Homer.” The song finishes with Bart trying to liken Rudolph to Attila the Hun, but he doesn’t finish the line due to his father strangling him, which we don’t actually see as it’s just a shot of the home’s exterior.

Even Patty and Selma look like they’re having a good time.

That’s how the very first Simpsons Christmas special, and very first episode overall, ends. It’s not just a Christmas Special, but a pretty monumental episode of television because The Simpsons has become such a cultural institution over the years. It’s pretty crazy that it all started here. Showrunner Al Jean has floated the idea of whenever it comes time to do a final episode that it should end where this one begins creating one big loop. That would be appropriate for a show that routinely ignores the passage of time and even changes the past to suit the current era. Homer and Marge began the show as baby boomers and are now considered millennials. I can recall being excited when I reached Bart’s age and now I’m Homer’s. That’s nuts!

As Christmas Specials go, this one borrows a little bit from Christmas Vacation. The patriarch, in this case Homer, wants the family to have a great Christmas, but when his company fails to pay out a bonus that’s become an expected part of his income each year it throws a wrench into everything. For Clark Griswald, it manifests as anxiety throughout the film until the big payoff. The problem is then righted by the bonus getting restored, and then some. For Homer, no such miracle occurs, but he at least falls ass backwards into an unwanted dog which serves as the family’s Christmas present that year. We don’t see the kids wake up to an empty tree on Christmas morning, but they can be assumed to have done so. Well, actually Bart got some paper and Maggie a chew toy which I suppose went to Santa’s Little Helper. It’s probably a good thing that the special ends where it does.

Maybe not a miracle, but this one worked out for the Simpsons thanks to this very good boy.

As an episode of The Simpsons, this very early episode contains some of the sarcastic elements we’d find in later seasons, but the pacing is definitely slower. Scene transitions are mostly of the fade in and fade out model and very little of what we see would be deemed outrageous. There are still plenty of hallmarks in place though that will remain so for the show’s duration. Homer tends to respond with violence towards his son and there’s never been any love lost between he and his sisters-in-law. Other stuff is changed though like Ned Flanders being more of a rival to just a true annoyance with a religious component. Principal Skinner is also a rather poor public speaker as he mixes up words and that was going to be a gimmick for him that was dropped. And obviously the overall look of the show has changed quite a bit over the years.

I do love all of the Season One oddities, like this lady with no nose seated behind Marge.

I do love this one, partly because I love The Simpsons, but also because it’s a relatable look at a lower middle class Christmas and how easy it is for the holiday to go wrong. I mentioned how it’s a bit surprising that the show is willing to essentially confirm that Santa isn’t real and that’s because the show became such a hit with children in the months that followed. And the show has never gone back on that either. While the show did avoid Christmas for years after this episode feeling they couldn’t really top it, when the show eventually got back into the Christmas Spirit the subject of Santa was never really addressed. Bart doesn’t see Santa as a way to get Bonestorm, we don’t see evidence of him being there and delivering a fire truck, and so on. And that’s fine, not every show need pander to the children, but it does cross my mind every time I watch this episode with my own kids who are still, just barely, in the believe zone.

If you would like to view this holiday classic this year then the easiest way to do so is via Disney+. The Simpsons is on-demand there and Disney even organizes all of the Christmas episodes in one spot. I believe the show also still airs on FXX or FX which will show all of the Christmas episodes this month. The episode is also part of the fist season which is available on DVD and usually for pretty cheap since it’s no one’s favorite season. There’s also an out of print Simpsons Christmas DVD out there that also usually isn’t too expensive. Society agrees that this one is a classic so getting it on your TV should be rather painless.

Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:

Dec. 10 – A Chipmunk Christmas

Alvin and the Chipmunks is one of the oldest, family-owned, pieces of intellectual property left in the world. And it might not be for much longer as the franchise is reportedly up-for-sale and has been since last year, but as-of this writing nothing has been agreed upon. The Chipmunks date back to the 1958 novelty…

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Dec. 10 – It’s a SpongeBob Christmas!

For December 10, we are returning to the theme of this year which is to revisit the best of the best. When I originally ranked my favorite Christmas specials, I had the recently released It’s a SpongeBob Christmas! ranked at #19. The years have been kind to this throwback Christmas special as last year I…

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Dec. 10 – The Town Santa Forgot

Come the 1990s, the cartoon juggernaut known as Hanna-Barbera was fading. It’s said the company once had control of approximately 80% of the children’s programming on television and even come 1990 it was still around 20%. The studio’s last big hit had been The Smurfs which set all kinds of Saturday morning records despite few…

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Dec. 12 – The Futurama Holiday Spectacular

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Presented by Gundersons!

Back before the advent of home video, when a show aired you either saw it or you didn’t. Miss something all of your friends were talking about the next day and you were at the whim of re-runs until your favorite show hit syndication – if it hit syndication. When VCRs were popularized you had the option of recording television shows for later use, but re-watching a show was a great deal more difficult than it is now. When children’s shows were sold on VHS they were usually obnoxiously expensive costing upwards of twenty dollars for an episode or two. The home video market for television just wasn’t something studios paid much attention to, at least not until DVD made it a whole lot easier, and cheaper, to sell television shows to fans.

Futurama owes a great deal to home video and syndication. When the show originally debuted on the Fox Network it struggled to find consistent air time. Often banished to that time-slot before The Simpsons on Sunday nights, it was the first thing bumped if an NFL game ran too long. Many blame the poor time-slots of the show on its lack of success, because once the show was cancelled and appearing in syndication on Cartoon Network’s adult swim block, it suddenly found an audience. DVDs of the first few seasons sold well enough that Fox brought the series back, as it did with Family Guy before it. The only change was that Fox declined to broadcast the new shows and instead optioned the series to Comedy Central, who would eventually gain control of the first four seasons from Cartoon Network. After four direct-to-video Futurama movies were released, the show returned with “Re-birth” in 2010 and would run for two more seasons totaling 52 episodes.

During its original run, Futurama gave birth to two Christmas specials – “Xmas Story” and “A Tale of Two Santas.” For the return season we were gifted with “The Futurama Holiday Spectacular.” The general opinion by most fans is that the post-cancellation episodes are inferior when compared with the pre-cancellation ones. There are of course those who feel the show came back better than ever, or at least as good as it always was, but I tend to agree with those who feel the post-cancellation episodes were lacking when compared with the others. In that sense, “The Futurama Holiday Spectacular” is similar because it’s not as good as the previous two Christmas specials (I guess I should say Xmas Specials), but it’s still an enjoyable episode with some good holiday jokes and puns.

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The crew preparing for Xmas, with an obvious Gundersons tie-in to keep that joke running.

Unlike the first two Xmas specials, this one is a non-canon anthology episode like the Anthology of Interest episodes and the anthology ones that followed. It’s broken up into three segments that focus on three holidays. Only the first one is an Xmas story and the homicidal Robot Santa makes a return in this segment. The second segment concerns Bender’s made up holiday, Robanukah, which he came up with as an excuse to avoid work in the season one episode “Fear of a Bot Planet.” And the third segment is about Kwanzaa with Hermes being a celebrator of that holiday. It also features the return of Kwanzaa-bot, voiced by Coolio, who first appeared in “A Tale of Two Santas.”

Our first segment opens with an ad for Gunderson’s Nuts – they’re “nut” so good, as we pan around the Planet Express headquarters. Inside the crew is decorating for Xmas and Fry is feeling blue, much like he was back in “Xmas Story.” He’s just down because the future version of Xmas is more about survival than good cheer, and we’re soon visited by Robot Santa after Fry asks for everyone to, once again, explain this crazy holiday and do it preferably through song. A little song is sung and we get some visual gags of fruit cake bombs and egg nog molotov cocktails. Robot Santa enters and departs just as quickly, letting them know that to properly celebrate Xmas they need a “tree that’s coniferous.” Also, Scruffy dies.

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The White House Xmas tree isn’t very impressive in the year 3010.

Fry wants to get a real Xmas tree, but Professor Farnsworth explains that the pine tree has been extinct for generations and that they’ll need to head to a seed vault in Norway. Gaining access to the vault is surprisingly easy as the guard, surrounded by barking snakes in a callback to the first segment, is willing to let them in to rummage about. Next door to the vault is the germ warfare vault and Leela expresses concerns about cross-contamination with the seeds. Inside, the guard happily gives them some pine tree seeds and reveals the tree is extinct due to an emergency toilet paper need during the Fifty Year Squirts. Amy notices the seeds have traces of green crud, but no  one is overly concerned.

Back home, Fry plants his seeds and a year later we see he has a sickly looking pine tree for his efforts. Passer-by’s think it looks great, including President Nixon who is immediately advised by Vice President Dick Cheney that he needs to steal it to improve his poll numbers. He apparently does, because soon after The White House is hosting a tree lighting ceremony, and very much like A Charlie Brown Christmas, the sickly little tree suddenly appears a lot more full once decorated. Fry and the gang are there too, so apparently they weren’t too sore about their tree being stolen, but soon the tree grows massive. It was apparently mutated by being stored near the germ warfare containment vault (duh!), and at first Leela thinks it might be a good thing it mutated since it suddenly looks a lot more healthy than it did before. Soon it starts shooting off pine cones, pine cones that in addition to exploding also lead to massive reforestation.

Soon the entire planet is covered in pine trees. Leela, ever the optimist, still believes this could be a good thing and the Professor remarks that global warming has all but been eradicated as a result, and we get our required Al Gore cameo here. The Professor quickly realizes that oxygen levels are climbing dangerously high, and Bender remarks that he hasn’t done anything for awhile and lights a cigar. The air starts to sparkle before it catches fire and we get a view from space of the whole word being destroyed. Robot Santa flies into view laughing about how everyone is dead and tells us to stay tuned for more hilarity!

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Robanukah features six and a half weeks of fembot oil wrestling, let the good times roll!

The second segment centers on Bender’s made-up holiday Robanukah. It’s just after Xmas and Professor Farnsworth remarks they need to destroy all of the Xmas gifts they failed to deliver. Bender immediately gets salty about how they have to celebrate every dumb human holiday but not the robot ones. Everyone is well aware that Bender’s holiday was made up by him to avoid work, but that doesn’t stop Bender from singing a song about Robanukah in a bid to legitimize it. During that song we get a taste of the holiday and it basically takes all of the Chanukah customs and perverts them, most notably by including six and a half weeks of fembot oil wrestling. When Bender finds out they only have enough petroleum oil for four and a half weeks of wrestling, he makes the crew set out to acquire more.

At Mombil, they learn that petroleum oil is all gone, and Al Gore pops in again to reprimand the viewers that he warned this would happen. Bender isn’t satisfied and is determined to find more petroleum oil and he makes the crew head for the center of the earth. There they drill for oil, but the intense pressure kills everyone except Bender. Five-hundred million years pass and Bender, after apparently occupying his time by singing about how great he is, notices his friends have become petroleum oil. He heads back to HQ with his oil friends to find the two fembots still wrestling in oil – a Robanukah miracle!

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It wouldn’t be Kwanzaa without Kwanzaa-bot and beeswax candles.

Our third segment opens with the Planet Express crew arriving at the home of the Konrads and Leela is concerned her chocolate cake may be offensive in some way. They are there for Kwanzaa, and even Barbados Slim shows up shirtless and covered in snow, much to the dismay of Hermes. When everyone is gathered for dinner, it’s decided we need our third song of the episode to explain the holiday featured in the segment, so Kwanzaa-bot bursts in Kool-Aid style to rap about the holiday. The joke of the song is that even he isn’t completely sure about anything concerning the holiday, but he does know they need authentic beeswax candles to celebrate or else they might as well be white. It’s noticed that the Konrads do not have authentic candles, so Hermes takes the crew out to acquire some on the last night of Kwanzaa.

Like the trees and oil, beeswax proves hard to come by and the crew is forced to return to the hive from “The Sting” to get the necessary wax to create their candles. There they find the space bees have been infected by some kind of mite and they’re in some distress. The mites are causing the drones to crash and explode, and the workers are at odds with each other. The queen bee is the only one who appears unaffected, despite the presence of mites on her, and she explains the situation to Hermes. During this, Leela is able to acquire plenty of beeswax but Hermes can’t leave the bees like this, not on Kwanzaa! He explains the meaning of Kwanzaa to the bees, and his message of unity together with the spirit of Kwanzaa causes the bees to embrace each other and the mites to fall off and die. With their minds fully functioning once more, the bees turn their attention to the Planet Express crew. Kwanzaa-bot returns offscreen to save them, and is quickly killed, also offscreen. The bees attack and we fade to black and re-emerge to be wished a Happy Kwanzaa by Hermes who is encased in wax. The camera pans back to reveal the entire crew as wax candles and a curtain falls on the special.

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Al Gore is a reoccurring presence throughout the episode, and even gets to close the show.

Al Gore emerges, still as a floating head, to assure us, the viewers, that the crew will return next year in all new episodes. We get one final send-off from Gunderson’s, and the holiday special is ended. In re-watching it for this post I will say this episode is funnier than I remember. It still suffers from too much fan-service as many jokes exist just as a call-back to an older season (“My ice cream man-which!”) which just feels kind of lazy. There’s still plenty of witty dialogue and exchanges between characters, but the anthology format sacrifices pay-off as the stories are forced to be quick and concise with less room for everything, including jokes.

As a Christmas special, “The Futurama Holiday Spectacular” is mostly underwhelming because only a third of it is devoted to Christmas, and a bastardized version of the holiday at that. And with most of the Xmas parody handled by the past episodes, there’s little left for the show to tackle here. The inclusion of songs is the easiest form of parody, but they sometimes feel too much like padding as not a lot happens in these short segments. The best Futurama episodes are able to be funny while telling a meaningful story containing characters we genuinely care about. I suppose killing off these characters in three separate segments is kind of a play on holiday specials itself, but it’s not really as funny as it could be. It’s cool that they found room for more holiday lampooning, and not just Christmas, even if the Kwanzaa jokes felt a bit too easy. There’s always room for more holidays, as far as I’m concerned, and it’s the most obvious aspect of this special that makes it stand out. Criticisms aside, this one may do little to evoke the Christmas spirit, but it’s still a worthwhile inclusion in your annual holiday viewing.

If you want to watch this one this year, Futurama is shown on Comedy Central and they will play the crap out of the Christmas episodes (as of this update, the episode is scheduled to air Thursday December 21 at 5:20 PM EST). The show is also now syndicated on the Syfy channel and that channel is also set to air the Christmas specials this year. Syfy is showing a Christmas Eve marathon of Futurama including all of the movies and ending with the three Christmas specials. This one will be last to air at midnight, right when Santa is arriving!


#6 – The Simpsons: Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire

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“Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” (1989)

The holiday most often associated with The Simpsons is clearly Halloween, thanks to the annual presence from the Treehouse of Horror series. Which is why I find it funny that the show’s very first episode was a Christmas special (though it should be noted, it was the 8th episode by production order). I can’t think of another long-running show that lead-off with a Christmas special. South Park famously originated as a Christmas short, but that wasn’t its first true episode. “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” also aired a full month before the show’s second episode so that it could air before Christmas. It was also not written by Matt Groening, or any of the other individuals most associated with the show, but cartoonist Mimi Pond. It was also her only contribution to the show and the only episode from the show to air in the 1980s.

“Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” succeeds as both a Christmas special and as an introduction for the series. Homer is depicted as a screw-up who wants to give his family a good Christmas, but his miserly boss has decided not to give out bonuses this year. When Marge has to use what little savings they have to get a tattoo removed off of their son, Homer looks to get a second job to pay for Christmas. He doesn’t tell his family and decides to take a part-time job as a mall Santa. This includes a humorous sequence of Homer going through Santa training, learning how to laugh and what to say to bad kids who sit on his lap. His plan blows up in his face though when he receives a meager payout on Christmas Eve. Defeated, he and Bart decide to accompany fellow Santa Barney Gumble to the dog track and wager their bucks on a long-shot, who Homer feels compelled to bet on because of his name:  Santa’s Little Helper. The dog, of course, loses but when his owner kicks him to the curb the Simpsons gain a new pet, and a worthy Christmas present.

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The gang’s all here for the first episode.

It’s a cute story and a good window into what the show is all about when it’s at its best. The Simpsons don’t always catch the best breaks, through some of their own doing, but they find a way to make it work. They’re basically a happy family that cares about one another, unlike a certain other animated TV family. As viewers, we like them, even though we laugh at them. There’s enough pity in Homer’s plight to get a reaction, but not so much that the episode becomes a depressing slog.

“Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” is still the best Christmas special produced by the long-running series and can be found on the season one box set. It’s also been released on DVD as part of a holiday collection of episodes and is guaranteed to air this season on FXX, along with the other Christmas specials. Just keep an eye out for it if you wish to catch it that way.

 


#12 – Futurama: Xmas Story

Futurama: "Xmas Story" (1999)

Futurama: “Xmas Story” (1999)

Ahh Futurama, the satirical show from the 30th century. Futurama is a great television show with wonderful animation, fantastic writing, and an exemplary cast of voice talent. The show is arguably at its best when it’s taking something familiar from the present and giving us a wild futuristic take on it. One such example is the season two episode “Xmas Story” where we see what Christmas has come to in the year  3000.

The episode opens with the Planet Express crew taking a ski holiday and Fry is frustrated by all of the changes that have occurred in the thousand years he was frozen. This causes him to reminisce fondly on Christmas, which causes confusion as no one knows what Christmas is but they soon figure out that Fry means Xmas. Xmas in the year 3000 is a horrible event due to man creating a robot Santa over a hundred years ago which was defective and determined everyone was naughty. Now every year this robot Santa goes on a rampage and slaughters anyone dumb enough to be out on the streets. Fry is disheartened by what has happened to his favorite holiday, but at least the gift-giving still remains part of the tradition. He sets out to get Leela a present, and settles on a parrot that gets away. By staying out and trying to recapture his gift he ends up attracting the attention of Santa. Leela goes out to save him and the two have to elude Santa if they hope to stay alive.

Santa Claus is gunning you down!

Santa Claus is gunning you down!

There’s a twisted sort of ending put on the episode, where they all sing a bastardized version of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” and the Professor takes off his clothes. The episode is full of one-liners consistent with the best of Futurama. There’s a recurring gag about the Professor mocking 20th century notions of modesty (hence the nudity mentioned above) and lots of Xmas puns repurposed for the 30th century version of the holiday. John Goodman guest stars as Robot Santa and provides a nice menacing voice for the robotic terror. There’s also a B plot featuring Bender posing as a homeless robot for free booze. He’s able to round-up a posse of homeless robots, including Tinny Tim, and they go on a robbing spree. It’s a typical Bender plot and also typically funny.

“Xmas Story” is a classic Futurama episode at this point, considering it’s over fifteen years old now. It’s probably the best holiday themed episode the show ever did, and it produced some good ones. Re-runs of Futurama air frequently on Comedy Central and “Xmas Story” will probably be featured this year as Comedy Central is pretty good at rolling out their various Christmas specials as the holiday approaches. If not, then it can be found on the season two DVD set of Futurama.


#1 Best in TV Animation: The Simpsons

The_Simpsons_LogoCould it really be another? There have been funnier shows, better looking ones, and shows with better stories to tell, but it’s hard to argue against the show that made prime time animation a thing and has lasted over 25 years. The Simpsons are an American institution at this point. There are people in their twenties who have never had a year of their life pass by without a new season of The Simpsons. That’s pretty incredible. And say what you will about the quality of the show in recent times, there’s still a large body of work that’s among television’s best.

Let me actually start with the argument against The Simpsons being number one. Really, that argument boils down to the show not being very good for the last ten or fifteen years. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a fan of the show willing to argue that the best is happening right now. The general consensus seems to be that the show’s peak was probably seasons two through seven. Seasons eight through twelve have their moments, and from there the show has been in a downward spiral of re-used plot devices and poor gags. After all, how many times have Homer and Marge split-up during an episode only to patch things up in the end? Or how often has Bart pulled some elaborate prank only to feel remorseful after the fact? For me, the best era of The Simpsons probably ended with the season nine premiere, “The City of New York vs Homer Simpson.” It was a promising start to what ended up being a mostly mediocre season. I’d argue though that The Simpsons ever since has mostly remained mediocre and has never produced a truly awful season. Though I concede one should feel fortunate if there’s at least one memorable episode per year that isn’t a Treehouse of Horror installment.

The first family of animation: Maggie, Marge, Lisa, Homer, and Bart.

The first family of animation: Maggie, Marge, Lisa, Homer, and Bart.

Even if I were to go so far as to say that The Simpsons has been bad since season nine, that’s still nearly two-hundred episodes of quality prior to that. Such an episode total dwarfs almost every other series on this list with the only comparable being South Park (which has had its own peaks and valleys over the years). When The Simpsons was operating at its best it was sharp, funny, satirical, but with enough heart to make viewers care about the characters. It operated as a pretty typical sitcom, but one willing to take advantage of the animation medium. Characters never had to age and the town of Springfield could be filled with hundreds of characters without the need to expand the cast.

What made The Simpsons a hit was its edgier brand of humor when compared with other sitcoms. The Simpson family was dysfunctional. Bart and Homer were always at odds with Homer being a rather poor example for the kids. They weren’t as hopeless as Fox’s other family, The Bundys, but they certainly weren’t The Waltons (much to the dismay of then President George H.W. Bush). Bart dominated the early episodes, often getting into trouble and just being a general delinquent. Overtime, Homer moved more and more into the spotlight as his I.Q. seemingly deteriorated more and more each season. Lisa and Marge have mostly served in a supporting role with each representing a foil for the male members of the family. Often once or twice per season one of the ladies would assume a starring role. The supporting cast became robust and episodes would even follow someone from Springfield with The Simpsons serving in a supporting role. It’s hard to pick a best character from outside the family because there are just too many to choose from. The miserly Mr. Burns is so good as the boss character/villain of the series (boss as in Homer’s boss, not video game boss, though he did serve in that role too). Krusty is well known as Springfield’s resident celebrity as is the cartoon duo Itchy and Scratchy. Moe, Barney, Troy McClure (voiced by the late, great, Phil Hartman), Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, and on and on it goes. I doubt there’s ever been a larger cast in the history of television.

The cast is positively ginormous.

The cast is positively ginormous.

Every cartoon needs its own look, and visually, the series has always been distinct with its yellow skin-toned characters and circular eyes. Everyone sports three fingers and a thumb and wears the same clothes every day. The quality of the animation was a bit crude in the early going with some of the colors in the first season looking washed-out. As the series became a success, more and more money was tossed its way and the quality of the animation has steadily risen each year. In fact, that’s one thing the current episodes can boast over the classics: better animation. The show is often bright, but not distractingly so, with a lot of Springfield often appearing kind of run down. The main theme of the show was composed by Danny Elfman and is about as well-known as any other television theme. Shockingly, Fox has been able to keep the same vocal talent onboard over the years, though it hasn’t always been easy. There was a time when it appeared as if the rising costs of production due to raises for the cast would eventually kill the series, but now that seems unlikely. Everyone is past their career prime at this point and there’s less of a call for them to leave the show to pursue something else. They’re also all nearing or beyond retirement age and I imagine The Simpsons is a nice source of income they can rely on now. They’re also not stupid and know the show has gone past its peak so they’re unlikely to demand significant raises going forward, unless they collectively all decide they don’t really want to continue working on the show and demand Fox make them an offer they can’t refuse. It must be noted though that The Simpsons hasn’t avoided some tragedy over the years (it would be almost impossible for it to considering how long it’s been on) losing two popular talents. Phil Hartmen, who voiced many supporting roles, was murdered in 1998 while Marcia Wallace, voice of Bart’s hard-luck teacher Mrs. Krabappel, passed away in 2013. Both actors had their respective characters retired upon their death.

A neat graphic of the principal voice talent and the recurring characters they voice.

A neat graphic of the principal voice talent and the recurring characters they voice.

Just as it’s hard to pick a favorite character, it’s hard to pick a favorite episode or even season. The show was so good and so consistent in the early 90’s that it seemed to turn out a classic every week. “The Telltale Head” from season one is arguably the show’s first classic, along with the very first episode “Simpsons Roasting on an Open-Fire,” which is still the show’s best Christmas episode. “Bart the Daredevil” is another classic with an iconic moment even referenced in The Simpsons Movie. “Homer vs Lisa and the 8th Commandment,” “Bart the Murderer,” “Flaming Moe’s,” “Homer at the Bat,” “Marge vs The Monorail,” “I Love Lisa,” “The Last Temptation of Homer” and so many more. It truly is a daunting task to list the best of the best. Just coming up with a list of the best Halloween specials is hard (which The Simpsons must have a record for most Halloween episodes, easily)!

The Simpsons has been on television for so long that its legacy is likely going to be forever linked to its longevity. It has almost surpassed the show’s reputation for just being a damn good TV show. And how long will it go on? Who knows? The natural assumption would be 600 episodes, or maybe a 30th season, but it’s possible the show just goes on and on until someone too important decides to leave. It likely won’t go quietly as I imagine Fox would not allow the show to just end without making a big deal out of it, and they should. The show deserves as much. If it weren’t for The Simpsons it’s unclear what the landscape for adult cartoons would be. Sure, The Flintstones came first, but The Flintstones were not as nearly as impactful. While The Simpsons embraced the animated form, The Flintstones tried to be a typical sitcom that just happened to be animated. I may not watch The Simpsons on a weekly basis anymore, and really have not since the nineties ended. I still do not look forward to the day when The Simpsons has ended. It may no longer be the best show on television, but I still think the world is a better place with The Simpsons on at 8 PM every Sunday.


#3 Best in TV Animation: Futurama

FuturamaWhen Futurama was first announced I didn’t think much of it. It felt like an unofficial spin-off of The Simpsons with a stupid title. The premise, a 20th century slacker getting cryogenically frozen to awake in the 30th century, probably should have interested me more than it did. As a result, I, along with most of America, mostly ignored the show during its initial run. Only when re-runs started surfacing on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim block of programming did I truly give the show a chance. And what do you know? – I loved it!

Futurama follows the exploits of Fry, Bender, Leela, and the rest of the Planet Express package delivery crew as they parade around the universe getting into more trouble than a normal package delivery company would expect to. Like The Simpsons, Futurama relies on satire and a diverse cast of characters for its humor, and setting the series a thousand years in the future actually makes the satire come rather easy. It’s almost as if show runners Matt Groening and David X. Cohen watched Back to the Future Part II and decided a show that centers entirely on the future portion of that film would be a great idea. The future is a lot like our present, only America essentially rules the entire globe with President Nixon, now a head preserved in a jar, coming into power early in the show’s life. There’s also the Democratic Order Of Planets, or DOOP, which attempts to police the entire known universe with the incompetent Zapp Brannigan as its leading general. Robots handle a lot of the menial labor on earth with relations between humans and robots tenuous at best.

This picture essentially tells you all you need to know about Bender.

This picture essentially tells you all you need to know about Bender.

The principal cast revolves around the Planet Express crew itself. Fry (Billy West) is the main protagonist who is time-displaced due to a mishap in 1999 and doesn’t seem to mind it all that match. He’s a well-meaning but plainly stupid sort of character. His best friend is the robot Bender (John DiMaggio), who would rather chain smoke and steal than actually do any work around the office. Leela (Katie Sagal) is the pilot of the Planet Express ship and nominal love interest of Fry, a subplot that actually takes quite a while to fully develop. She also happens to be a one-eyed mutant. Professor Farnsworth (also voiced by West) runs the company (mostly incompetently) with the help of Hermes Conrad (Phil LaMarr), Amy Wong (Tress MacNeil)e, and Dr. Zoidberg (West). As you may have noticed, the voice cast is pretty well stocked with talented individuals, some who made a name for themselves with Groening’s Simpsons. West is the obvious star and one of the very best at his craft, but everyone is pretty top-notch making Futurama arguably the most well-voiced program in the history of animation.

Visually, the show is excellent and for most of its run was superior to its predecessor, The Simpsons. Fox clearly was pretty generous with the budget for the show’s first four seasons as traditional hand-drawn animation was blended well with computer-aided visuals where appropriate. The show is bright and vibrant and the setting helps to give it a unique look. As expected, there are some pretty standard tropes of the future setting like transportation tubes and laser weapons to go along the obvious hover cars. The show doesn’t make too many attempts at actually predicting the future, and given the setting is a thousand years away there’s little need to. The various aliens and robots are usually pretty fun to take-in and is where most of the show’s visual creativity ends up being on display.

Billy West lends his voice to many characters on the show.

Billy West lends his voice to many characters on the show.

Most importantly, the show is just plain funny. The characters tend to work well with each other. Fry and Bender are often the ones getting into mischief, and early in the show’s run, Leela was often left to play the straight man (woman). Bender is the unofficial star of the show as his general selfishness and law-breaking ways make him both hilarious and popular in the same way Bart Simpson did ten years prior, only with the debauchery and lewdness magnified considerably. Dr. Zoidberg, likely the universe’s worst doctor, is often a source of humor at the character’s expense considering he is both poor and foul-smelling. Professor Farnsworth is probably my pick for the most unsung hero of the cast. Whenever the show turns to him for a one-liner or a visual gag he seems to always deliver. The simple delivery of his “Tell them I hate them,” from “Fry and The Slurm Factory” gets me every time.

Where the show really found a way to separate itself from others is with its heart. It sounds sappy, but the show is surprisingly effective when it wants to make the viewer experience something other than laughter. The first episode where the show really successfully delivered on such was the Fry-centric “The Luck of the Fryish.” In that episode, Fry finds out his brother essentially stole his identity after he was frozen and basically lived out all of Fry’s dreams while becoming a national treasure. He owed it all to Fry’s lucky seven-leaf clover. Fry, in anger, wants his clover back and will go to great lengths to get it back, even if it means digging up his brother’s corpse. There’s a twist in the end and good luck keeping your eyes dry when it comes about. Of course, the show’s most infamous episode in this style is “Jurassic Bark,” in which we find out what happened to Fry’s dog, Seymour, after he was frozen and left him behind. I still remember the first time I caught the episode on television and the ending really snuck up on me and obviously made an impact. In general, the show does a really strong job of finding the humor in almost any situation. And even when the characters have to do something mean for laughs, the show is able to keep them from straying too far from a moral baseline so that the audience never turns against them. Even Bender has his moments where he does something nice.

Like The Simpsons, Futurama's cast became exceptionally large.

Like The Simpsons, Futurama’s cast became exceptionally large.

Futurama was originally unsuccessful during its initial run on Fox, though it did manage to last for the better part of four seasons. After the reruns performed well for Cartoon Network and DVD sales excelled, the show went the direct-to-video route with four feature-length films. They would eventually be chopped up into episodes that aired on Comedy Central, who picked up the show for an additional three seasons. Having the show come back from the dead was pretty awesome, but you would have a hard time finding a Futurama fan that felt the post-cancellation episodes were up to the same standards of quality as the first four seasons. Still, there were episodes here and there that stood out and subpar Futurama is better than most shows. The show ended with its 140th episode, a healthy run by any standard. In those 140 episodes the show made a bigger impact than all but two others, according to this list, and really stand among all television shows, animated or otherwise, as being among the very best.


Lego Simpsons

lego-simpsons-minifigs-01When I was a kid, the coolest and most colossal Lego sets were often pirate ships or castles. These things required hours upon hours to assemble and cost a lot of money. My parents, when looking to spend money on me at Christmas or for a birthday, opted for video games or a bicycle as a “big” present, not massive Lego sets. I had a cousin who was rather fortunate when it came to gifts. He usually had all of the best stuff before anyone else, be they new Ghostbusters vehicles, gaming consoles, and so on. He also had some of these massive Lego sets but anytime I would visit his home they were always just partially assembled, as if construction was started one day and then forgotten. I always wanted to get my hands on such a set (the commercials made them seem like they contained endless amounts of fun) but the closest I ever got was a lone keep that came with a dragon. It was rather small, but I liked it plenty and got many hours of enjoyment out of it. Prior to that, I only ever had a general set of Legos. They were housed in a hard, red, plastic case and I would just build whatever. There was an included book that contained plans for numerous objects but rarely did I ever make use of it. Typically, I would build a pick-up truck or Jeep but then wouldn’t want to disassemble it to create anything else.

Among those bricks was a lone Lego mini figure. This was the 1980’s so the mini figure might have been new, or maybe not. I had other generic Legos before this collection and never had I come across a little figure before. He was rather plain: a black shirt and blue pants with a black baseball cap. I thought he was pretty cool though and started noticing these more and more in toy stores and commercials. I especially liked that I could rip him apart and even take off his head without breaking him. It seemed absurd but was a lot of fun especially when I would later get mini figures dressed as knights and armed with swords to apply a purpose for figure decapitation. Over the years the mini figure has become quite popular and in the last dozen years or so the mini figure is no longer just a generic pirate or knight, it’s Luke Skywalker or Batman. The mini figure is now sold both with sets and separately, and for a brand, having a Lego version of one of your characters is like a new rite of passage. Lego, because of its popularity, is able to strike deals amongst rivals so that consumers are able to pit Lego Superman against Lego Hulk. Lego has spread to video games, and most recently, to film. The brand has never been more popular than it is today which is why we now have The Simpsons in Lego form.

I’m not sure how the agreement started, if those behind The Simpsons reached out first to Lego or vice versa, but The Simpsons entered the Lego universe in 2014 in both television and the material world. An episode of The Simpsons aired this past May featuring the show’s many characters in a Lego setting. Interestingly, these Lego versions of the Springfield residents were more faithful to the Lego brand than the actual Lego product which arrived at retailers a couple of weeks before the episode. The Lego version of The Simpsons characters are unique, though represent a new trend not solely reserved for The Simpsons brand, in that they make use of the standard mini figure body but have unique head pieces. This creates a more aesthetically pleasing mini figure, though it does disappoint the Lego purists out there. In my hunt for these, I encountered one girl who was a Lego fan, not really a Simpsons fan, who wanted a couple of Marge figures thinking her hair would just be a Lego piece that attached to the usuall Lego head piece. She was likely disappointed to find that it wasn’t when she got home.

Nelson doing what Nelson does.

Nelson doing what Nelson does.

Lego put out sixteen figures in May, and they are a collection of usuals and some that may have surprised fans:  Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie, Grandpa, Ned Flanders, Milhouse, Ralph, Nelson, Chief Wiggum, Apu, Mr. Burns, Krusty, Itchy, and Scratchy. A pretty solid collection, especially when one considers Lego’s policy of no alcohol references which may have played a role in not having a Moe or Barney. Itchy and Scratchy are the sort of oddball choices given that they’re cartoon characters in the show, but few are likely to complain. Because the show’s cast is so massive, there’s going to be characters missing and it would have been impossible to satisfy fans with just one wave (I’m not aware of a planned second wave, but these seemed to sell well so it wouldn’t be a surprise to see more). Wiggum could certainly use some help on the force, while Flanders is missing his boys, and what’s a Burns without a Smithers? There’s tons of characters people likely want, so hopefully if a wave two does come around Lego doesn’t waste slots on variants of Homer and Bart.

Each mini figure comes in a plastic pouch that conceals the identity of the figure inside. Retailing for about four dollars, some may be willing to give in to chance and pick them blind but anyone with some extra time and a little determination can prod at the bags and figure out who’s in each one. The head sculpts of the figures make this easy, but also the included accessories. Bart’s skateboard is pretty easy to pick out, as is Nelson’s baseball bat. The hardest ones for me were Ralph and Milhouse as both characters are the same size and their accessory is a flat square Lego piece. This meant finding the head, and being extra certain. I ended up with three Ralphs before I found a Milhouse. The accessories are pretty cool though. The piece that comes with Ralph and Milhouse is a bit overused, but they’re all printed differently and contain some classic show references such as Ralph’s “I Choo Choo Choose You” valentine and Grandpa comes with his newspaper with the headline “Old Man Yells at Cloud.” Homer comes with a unique donut piece and TV remote and Burns has a transparent Lego head piece with Blinky the fish printed on it. Maggie has Bobo the teddy bear, and Itchy and Scratchy each come with an instrument of violence. All of the figures look really good, the only one that looks off to me is Wiggum because he should be morbidly obese. Instead, he uses the same body as every other figure with no attachments to make him look fatter. Homer, since his shirt is white, has a line printed on him to mark his bulging stomach, but since Wiggum wears dark blue, the same technique doesn’t really work.

If Lego had stopped there with The Simpsons it still would have been cool, but they didn’t. Enter The Simpsons House!

IMG_0153

Consisting of over 2500 pieces, the home of The Simpsons is a large set that is a site to behold. I couldn’t resist the call

The Couch.

The Couch.

of it, even if it was excessive, and purchased my own set. The set contains bricks to construct the house and also Homer’s famous pink car complete with dents. Included with the set is another version of The Simpson family plus another Flanders. Each figure differs slightly from the stand-alone ones; Homer is dressed for work and Marge has an apron, Ned is dressed for grilling while Bart is missing his slingshot from his back pocket. Most also have half-closed eyes while Maggie has a more neutral expression compared with her other figure’s concerned look. The differences are minor, and while some may see this as a missed opportunity to get more figures, Lego pretty much had to include a set of the family in both the house set and the retail figures. Perhaps the addition of Flanders could have been re-evaluated. Lego could have just made him exclusive to the house set and put someone else in the mini figure release. The only thing I feel they really messed up on was not including Lego versions of Santa’s Little Helper and Snowball II. Both pets are featured on the box as part of the family but are strangely absent from the set.

The cut-away view of the house.

The cut-away view of the house.

Lego had a somewhat difficult task of creating a three-dimensional set of an animated home. Early in the show’s life, the house didn’t seem to always have a defined layout but over the years the animators and artists have clarified this more. The first floor is pretty standard though: through the front door is a short hallway with a closet at the end and stairs on the right. To the left is the den, to the right the dining room. Up from the den is the living room which has an entryway on the top right which goes into the kitchen which wraps around to connect with the dining room. On a few occasions there’s been a bathroom on the first floor as well as a rumpus room. There’s also a basement entrance somewhere and the door to the garage. Lego, perhaps fearing the set would be much too large, chose not to really adapt the true layout of the house and attempted to just hit on the important stuff.

The other side of the cut-away. The room on top is removable.

The other side of the cut-away. The room on top is removable.

From the outside, the house looks pretty great, almost perfect. There’s the bay windows on the front, the ancient TV antennae on the roof, and even the chimney looks good. Veteran viewers will notice that while the garage is in the right place, the house doesn’t wrap around behind it like on the show. This becomes a bit of an issue when constructing the second floor as it’s pretty cramped. Aside from that though, the house looks great. Inside on the first floor there are just two rooms: the kitchen on the left and living room on the right. The living room is kind of an amalgamation of the den and living room from the show. The famous couch and TV are present (modeled after the old tube TV from the earlier seasons) from the living room, while the rug and piano are there from the den. Missing is the fireplace since the chimney is on the other side of the house and there’s no ceiling fan, as well as other things. There’s a closet of sorts tucked behind the stairs where

Marge can store her vacuum, and the sailboat picture is above the couch where it should be. Breaking from logic though, is the entryway to the garage being right in the living room with no door to separate it. This doesn’t make much sense and is kind of disappointing. Over in the kitchen, the color scheme is pretty faithful to the show between the two-toned floor and the pink and orange cabinets. The included table is kind of odd looking but more odd is the absence of a fridge. How are The Simpsons supposed to live without a refrigerator? Plus that ugly green fridge is kind of iconic, isn’t it? The kitchen is also pretty cramped, especially with the table in it, but space had to be sacrificed in order to make the living room larger.

 

A bird's eye view of Bart's room and part of Lisa's, as well as the garage. Grandpa is apparently over for a visit.

A bird’s eye view of Bart’s room and part of Lisa’s, as well as the garage. Grandpa is apparently over for a visit.

On the second floor, the biggest casualty is Maggie as she doesn’t get her own room. Instead, she gets a crib in Homer and Marge’s bedroom. Bart and Lisa’s rooms are done rather well with Bart’s shining brighter because his personality is captured well. Homer and Marge have a larger room but it’s strangely empty and doesn’t connect to the bathroom. The second floor should have two bathrooms, but there’s only one and it’s too small to even get a bathtub. The roof rests right on top of the house and garage as opposed to snapping on so that users can easily remove it to access the rooms underneath. Bart’s room and the top of the stairs also just rest on top of the second floor so it too can easily be lifted out to access the living room while the whole house can open vertically for a cut-away look at everything. The garage is roomy enough to fit the car in comfortably, and even includes numerous power tools for Homer to neglect. Outside the house is the mailbox as well as Ned’s grill. There’s also two lawn chairs and Bart has a skateboard ramp. The wife and I assembled the entire house over the course of about a week. We didn’t do construction on it daily and took our time though impatient builders could likely put this thing together in a day with some determination. The instructions were easy enough to follow and thankfully only a few stickers are involved (I assume hatred for stickers is pretty much universal amongst Lego builders).

We're all filthy perverts for looking at this.

We’re all filthy perverts for looking at this.

It’s easy to nitpick this set because it’s not all that faithful to the show and the show has been around for over twenty years. Fans of The Simpsons are intimately familiar with how the house is supposed to look so it must have been intimidating for Lego to even tackle it. Inaccuracies and all, this is a set worth investing the time in for Simpsons enthusiasts. Lego did do a good job of getting the smaller details right like Bart’s half-open desk drawer and the “Property of Ned Flanders” sticker adorning the air conditioner hanging off the house. It’s my hope that Lego does not stop here. We already have an Apu mini figure so how about a Kwik-E-Mart? And it would be a shame if The Android’s Dungeon were not created, at the very least, as a Comic Con exclusive or something (I assume Moe’s Tavern is a no-go considering the alcohol policy). Lego could easily milk this franchise for a lot more, so we’ll see what the future holds, but if this is all we get then at least it looks cool and The Simpsons have a place to sleep and watch TV.


The Simpsons – Season One

The list of television shows that were on the air when I was a kid and are still on the air as I near 30 is a pretty short one.  Not including non-fiction news stories, there’s really only one that was there when I was a kid and is still airing new episodes today, and that show is The Simpsons.  There are many characters that had shows when I was younger that have shows today.  There’s always a new take on Batman or Spider-Man and I lost count when it comes to the different iterations of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (there’s a new one set to air this fall).  South Park came around when I was in my early teens, and Futurama began airing when I was in high school.  The Simpsons though, that came when I was in the first grade and it’s quite amazing that it’s still on television today.

That said, there are some that would argue the show should not still be one and that it should have ended years ago.  From a business standpoint, if people are still consuming the product and it’s making money then why not keep producing episodes?  And apparently there’s a dedicated core of fans out there that will probably watch it until they can’t.  What will ultimately end that show will be rising costs, or if enough key members of the cast decide to retire.  And even though there’s a loud contingent of people on the internet decrying the quality of the show, there’s still plenty who insist it’s as funny and fresh as ever.

As for me, I guess I’m in the middle when it comes to that debate regarding the current quality of The Simpsons, but I lean towards the side that says the show is well past its prime.  I really don’t watch it anymore and haven’t for years.  When I do catch an episode I’m usually left underwhelmed.  Rarely do I hate it, but I forget about them pretty fast.  The only one I’ll go out of my way to watch is the annual “Treehouse of Horror,” and that’s mostly just out of tradition.

Recently The Simpsons has been on my mind.  I’m not sure why.  As I see other animated programs start to lose “it” and diminish in quality, it makes me wonder how much of that stems from me, the viewer, getting bored with the same old thing or if the show is actually getting worse.  To answer this question I decided to buy the first season of The Simpsons and relive some of those cartoons that I used to watch religiously.  The Simpsons was on weekly initially, but soon had enough episodes to enter into syndication.  When I was probably around 11 or 12 I would watch an hour of The Simpsons every weeknight I was home via syndication.  I got a lot of enjoyment out of it and it was my routine, so I have a lot of fond memories when it comes to those early seasons of The Simpsons.  The die hard fans insist the show started off a bit uneven, and outside of a few special moments in the first two seasons, it really didn’t take off until season three.  I’m not sure when this golden age is said to have concluded, but I suppose it doesn’t matter.

One of the more memorable scenes from the debut episode; Homer in Santa Class.

The first season of The Simpsons is the shortest season the show had.  This is pretty common of first seasons, especially animation, as networks don’t want to order too many episodes only to see the show fail.  Half seasons are pretty typical, and the first season of The Simpsons contains thirteen episodes beginning with  the Christmas themed “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire” and concluding with “Some Enchanted Evening.”  Not only is the first season the shortest, it’s also the most crudely drawn.  Again, not surprising as I’m sure the budget was pretty tight, but it at least looks a lot better than the shorts that used to air on the Tracey Ullman Show.  The characters are actually less defined in their roles, though the base is still there.  Homer is dim-witted and selfish, Bart is a troublemaker, Lisa a poindexter, and Marge is a stereotypical house wife.  Maggie is there too, but being that she’s a baby there isn’t much of a personality to her.  A lot of the secondary characters are introduced as well including Moe, Flanders, and Mr. Burns.  Still, there are differences and some moments where characters act in a manner that is perhaps inconsistent with how they’ll be presented in future seasons.  Some fans consider this a negative, but I kind of appreciate these moments.  Just like a real person would do, these characters have grown and changed over time.

What I hoped to see in season one was a more focused show, less reliant on Homer’s buffoonery and more reliant on the concept of the Simpsons being America’s most dysfunctional family.  For the most part, that ended up being true.  Homer wasn’t the dominant presense that he would become and while he’s definitely not a smart man, he’s not absurdly stupid either.  There’s definitely a lot of Bart though, and there would be a lot more in season two as he was the early star of the show.  I almost forgot how huge Bart Simpson was when I was a kid and he was definitely pushed as the fan favorite.  And it’s easy to see, he’s a fun character.  He’s rebellious and does whatever he wants but does pause to let us know he’s a good kid at heart.  In his first lead episode, “Bart the Genius,” he’s actually the target and the one we feel bad for and he reacts by pulling a prank that gets overblown (and earns Bart some green skin in the process).

The animation was a bit more crude in the early going.

The series premiere, “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire,” introduces the whole family and some of the extended family (Grampa and Marge’s sisters).  We see how the family dynamic works and the themes established by the episode are still alive today.  Homer tries hard to be a good father and husband, but his low level of skills and lack of a sharp mind ultimately doom him.  And yet, they still all come out okay in the end.  From there, the writers of the show definitely wanted us to get a good look at each member of the Simpson family in season one and would devote an episode to each key member of the family.  It’s a good strategy and the writers were able to pull it off organicly.  In later seasons, it sometimes would feel like a Marge or Lisa episode was forced into the season just for the sake of having one which always drove me nuts.  Those episodes often fail because they don’t bring anything new to the table, and usually include some silly gimmick (like Marge becoming a cop).  In Lisa’s episode, “Moaning Lisa,” we’re shown just how different she is from both her peers and her family.  It’s done well enough that we really don’t need future episodes that center on that premise, but there’s dozens.

That’s not to say it’s all gravy.  Some of the episodes go for cheap laughs and the story attached isn’t very engaging.  “The Call of The Simpsons” is one such episode that relies mostly on visual gags and absurd situations.  Other episodes just don’t appeal to me too much, like “The Crepes of Wrath” which sees Bart switch places with an Albanian kid as part of a foreign exchange program.  The writers also seem to enjoy getting Homer into trouble with Marge, as it feels like their marriage is tested in every other episode.  Homer routinely does things that should probably get him in trouble, but I always felt Marge’s reaction to Homer dancing with a stripper in “Homer’s Night Out” was particularly over the top.

“The Telltale Head” features perhaps Bart’s most infamous prank.

Some of my all-time favorite episodes are in season one though, including “The Telltale Head” and “Krusty Gets Busted.”  The first is the infamous episode where Bart cuts off the head of a statue of the town’s founder, triggering a wave of patriotic anger from the locals.  It uses the story-telling gimmick of starting the episode at the end and having the events that lead the characters into their current situation relayed as a flashback.  “Krusty Gets Busted” is the first time we’re introduced to Sideshow Bob as a villain. Voiced by Kelsey Grammer, Sideshow Bob would make many returns often with the intent to kill Bart Simpson.  Grammer is one of the few guest stars of season one, which I find immensely refreshing.  So many of the newer episodes have fallen into this trap where the writers feel like each episode needs a celebrity guest of some sort.  They also don’t follow the simple format adopted by later episodes where the plot opens with one story that leads into a completely different one.

There’s some other differences and quirks I noticed about season one that separates it from future seasons.  For one, the intro is different and I had forgotten just how different.  It’s longer and features some generic characters that would be replaced for season 2 with actual supporting characters from the show.  The couch gag is in place, but there were only a couple different ones in season one, most revolving around the theme of one character getting forced off the couch.  The premiere episode actually doesn’t feature an opening at all.  There’s some other character changes too.  Smithers makes his debut in “Homer’s Odyssey” (as does Mr. Burns, voiced by a different actor) as a black man, which is kind of funny.  Apparently this was an error and is corrected for his next appearance.  Chief Wiggum also looks pretty different as he sports black hair and an odd skin complexion of his own.  In general, there’s also less use of music in each episode as well, and the transition from one scene to the next is usually sudden which gives the show a different “feel” when compared with future seasons.

Currently, The Simpsons is nearing the end of its 23rd season with a 24th already in production.  Obviously, any show that has been on that long is going to change over the years and The Simpsons has certainly undergone numerous changes.  I don’t know if season one is necessarily better than season 23.  I definitely enjoyed reliving it, and I’m currently enjoying reliving season two as well, and my opinion is tainted by nostalgia.  It’s a simpler show and I do find that more enjoyable than the current stuff.  The characters seem slightly less typecast and are a little more exciting as a result.  And whatever your opinion is of the current season, I think we can all agree it’s pretty damn amazing for a show, especially a prime-time animated one, to be on the air as long as The Simpsons have been.