Last year, I made it a point to go through the vast majority of the Nicktoons Christmas specials I was at least somewhat familiar with. My cut-off was basically 1996 which coincided with the premiere of Hey Arnold! That was when I started to fall off of Nicktoons and Nickelodeon in general. I was entering my teen years and other things took priority. Plus, my preferred Nicktoons were more of the gross-out, slapstick, sort of toons like The Ren & Stimpy Show and Rocko’s Modern Life which Hey Arnold! did not resemble at all. However, upon reflection, I would have to say that my real Nicktoons cut-off is CatDog.

CatDog debuted in early 1998 right after that year’s installment of the Kid’s Choice Awards. I had basically long since aged out of that show, but I was at least still watching Nickelodeon enough to be aware of CatDog‘s existence. I’m going to blame that on a crush I had on Summer Sanders, host of the gameshow Figure It Out which I would check out after school. CatDog was something that was heavily promoted, as most new Nicktoons were, and I can recall at least having some interest. By the time it was airing in a more normal timeslot though I had basically checked out. I know I did watch at least an episode or two, but my determination was “This isn’t for me.” And it probably wasn’t nor was it supposed to be.

All that being said, CatDog could possibly entertain me as an adult. I don’t know. It’s basically another take on The Odd Couple. Here we have a paring of naturally opposite animals in Cat (Jim Cummings) and Dog (Tom Kenny) with the wrinkle thrown in that they’re physically conjoined at the hips. Or spine? They don’t really have rear hips. They’re the super pet Bart Simpson created in Fly vs Fly with a cat on one end and a dog on the other. How they poop is anyone’s guess. They both eat so I guess there’s a two-way street running through them which sounds unpleasant. There’s certainly room for humor though, Arnold this is not, and did you see those names in parenthesis? Talk about a cartoon superstar pairing of Jim Cummings and Tom Kenny. I honestly can’t recall ever hearing Cummings on a Nickelodeon show, he was more the domain of Disney and Warner Bros. He’s also been around forever so I’m sure I heard his name on Nickelodeon before (and it looks like I probably did as he did do some work for Aaahh!!! Real Monsters), but it’s interesting to see. Sort of like finding Mel Blanc on a list of Disney credits – it’s not something that happened very often.

The Nicktoons were hardly the equal of the Disney Afternoon when it came to opening numbers, but CatDog begins with one of my least favorite songs out of them all. It’s this country number that just sounds so generic. We’re not off to a great start. When that intro is through, we get a rather simple title card before we’re taken to the home of the titular character, CatDog. Duality is the name of the game here and it informs a lot of the style surrounding CatDog. The house is basically a giant fire hydrant on one side and a dead fish on the other. Inside, it looks like a pretty normal house so I guess that fish isn’t an actual decaying corpse. The two (one?) characters are decorating their Christmas trees. It’s basically two trees in one with one side covered with fish and the other steaks. The two have just finished decorating and now it is time to place their gifts for each other under this double tree. Dog goes first and places a wrapped gift while Cat closes his eyes. We can hear him hoping it’s a sports car (I wouldn’t get my hopes up). When it comes time for Cat to do the same, he has nothing. He fishes around in his “pockets,” which is mysterious fur pockets that appear when the need arises, and comes up with a single jellybean. That would seem to be these two in a nutshell, Dog is the caring and considerate one who is held back only by his lack of intellect. Cat is selfish, like most cats are perceived to be. It’s the inverse of the Ren and Stimpy pairing.

Despite Cat’s gift for Dog being an unwrapped piece of candy, he doesn’t take notice and instead is eager to head off on another Christmas tradition. The two put on scarves and Dog adds a stocking cap as they fly out the window. To travel on the snow, Dog basically becomes a toboggan with Cat grasping hold of his hands. As they travel, Dog begins to sing, but his song only has one line, “The best part of Christmas is being together.” After his one line, the scene fades out and then comes back in on a mall shaped like a pig’s head. I guess that works as an analogy.

The camera moves inside the mall where we get a closeup on a Santa figure that appears to be doing The Macarena (remember that?). It’s followed by quick cuts of other cheesy merch and fists full of cash as they fly off the shelves. There’s a snowman that appears to be capable of dropping its pants (it’s wearing jeans for the sole purpose of removing them, resembling one of those novelty Seymour Butts dolls people would have affixed to their rear windshield), a boxing Santa, Mean Bob action figure, dinosaurs in festive attire, and so on. When the cuts are finished the camera lingers on a star atop a massive tree. The star is emblazoned with a dollar sign because this is a mall, after all. The camera pans down this massive tree and a very unenthusiastic individual dressed as an elf moves into frame to say, “Imagine the thrill of meeting Father Christmas,” in a very even, flat, tone of voice. I think it’s Billy West using a similar voice to the one he used for the ghost in the Ren & Stimpy episode “Haunted House.”

We then find Santa (Brian Doyle-Murray) seated at the base of that tree with some monkey kid on his lap. He asks the lad what he wants for Christmas and he responds that he’d like a Kung-Fu Kenny with real blood and hands you can slice off into death rays! Santa is not impressed despite the kid standing in his lap and jumping about. When the kid leaves Santa remarks to himself, “So much for the Christmas spirit.” Enter CatDog, who comes sliding up the stairs out front and then rolls through the mall like a runaway tire. The duo soar into the air only to land directly in Santa’s lap. Despite the pair obviously cutting the line, Santa asks Dog what he’d like for Christmas and assumes it will be something expensive with a death ray. Dog sort of chuckles at the suggestion and then, once he confirms that Cat isn’t trying to eavesdrop, whispers in Santa’s ear that all he wants is for Cat to like his present from him. Santa is taken aback, pleasantly at that, at Dog’s selfless desire. The feeling is short-lived as Cat and Dog switch places with Cat, rather loudly hoping that Dog will hear (he’s too busy playing with an ornament), informing the big guy that he’d like a sports car.

Santa has no reaction to Cat’s selfish want and Cat doesn’t seem to be at all interested in getting his approval anyway. The two depart, but a call to “Make way,” is soon heard. It’s coming from the mall owner, Rancid (West), who is a big, ugly, green, rabbit that looks like some sort of cross-over between an Arthur character and something from Life in Hell. He wants everyone to move out of the way so that his niece, Rancine (Maria Bamford) can tell Santa what she wants. She’s about as ugly as him, just smaller and in a dress, and she does not look happy. Santa goes through the whole routine with a look on his face that suggests he knows that this kid isn’t going to ask for something selfless. She at first can’t even think of anything since her rich uncle buys her whatever she wants, but then she lays eyes on CatDog.

Now, this gets pretty bizarre and also pretty horrific because Rancine informs Santa that she wants to own CatDog. This is a world inhabited entirely by animal people, from what I can see. Santa is a human, and that flat-speaking elf is humanoid, but green, while everyone else appears to be an animal person. Like CatDog. This is like a kid in the real world sitting on Santa and pointing out at a pair of conjoined twins and saying “I want to own them!” Obviously, totally illegal and morally reprehensible. Any parent who raised a kid who thinks they can own another person or persons obviously failed. Naturally, Rancid tries to “buy” CatDog from itself. Themselves? Whatever. They are not for sale and tell Rancid that in no uncertain terms. Santa seemed a bit worried that they’d go for it, but upon hearing that he basically breathes a sigh of relief. What a weird way to have one’s Christmas spirit reenforced. Rancine screams in protest, but surprisingly that’s as far as she goes.

In another part of the mall, Cat is admiring himself in a mirror when they’re approached by a gang of dogs. These are the Greaser Dogs and, since they’re dogs, they seem to enjoy picking on Cat. Cliff (Kenny), the leader, is singing Dog’s Christmas song as they come upon the pair. Immediately, they desire to kick the crap out of Cat so the pair have to split. As they run, Cat drops the mirror he had been looking at and all three members of the gang step on it, cracking it. That’s 21 years of bad luck right there. CatDog ducks into a store display Christmas tree to avoid the dogs and lurking inside is their neighbor, Winslow (Carlos Alazraqui), an ugly, blue, mouse. Cat doesn’t ask him why he’s in a tree and instead asks him if he knows what Dog got him for Christmas. When he tells him he hopes it’s a sports car, Winslow gives him a reality check on that one. Cat tries to reassure himself that it would take a Christmas miracle to get such a gift, but Christmas miracles happen all the time! Winslow informs him, “Not to you, they don’t.”

Winslow ducks inside the tree which has its own infrastructure, it would seem. It’s not as nice as the tree Chip and Dale take shelter in for Pluto’s Christmas Tree, but it still looks like a place I want to visit. When he emerges from the tree it’s beside Dog. He tells Winslow that he hopes Cat likes his present – a popsicle stick house boat. Winslow tells him there’s no way he’s going to like that, but Dog thinks Cat likes all of his gifts from him. Despite Cat always throwing them away (he thinks he does this to entertain the kids who live at the dump). Winslow breaks the news to him that the only way Cat will like the gift he got him is if it’s a sports car, and he’ll never, ever, be able to get him one. He walks away chuckling to himself how he loves messing with these two on Christmas while Cat and Dog are both left feeling pretty down about Christmas.

We next find the pair exiting a store called Soap Dish. Dog is enjoying a bar of soap which he thinks is delicious. I have no idea if this is a one episode thing or if he always eats soap. As he chews and swallows it, bubbles come out of his mouth. When Cat speaks, bubbles also come out of his mouth thus proving my theory that whatever Dog eats Cat “shits” out his mouth and vice versa. What a horrible existence. Cat is pretty down thanks to Winslow and doesn’t see how their Christmas can possibly turn out well. Dog falls back on what he perceives to be their great traditions like putting up their double star. We just cut to the pair doing so in the past which results in Cat getting flung into a wall which he dubs the “Double Scar.” Dog then tries to cheer him up by talking about how they have their friends and family to spend the holidays with. Cat reminds him that they are their own family and all that happens on Christmas is Winslow, Eddie the Squirrel, and the Greaser dogs all show up uninvited, but Dog considers this a major compliment. Cat, on the other hand, wants stuff (specifically citing a golden toaster oven which seems extravagant) and directs Dog to a display of dog bones. Cat appeals to Dog’s stomach and asks him if he’d like a nice, new, bone. He responds in the affirmative, but in a very plain manner like, “Sure, I wouldn’t mind a new bone.” Cat, on the other hand, really must have that sports car. He has an idea, and he indulges himself by asking Dog the old “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Dog is thinking about drinking out of a toilet, but Cat is most certainly not. He has an idea to get stuff for Christmas, but all he does is laugh. It’s a chilling, evil, sort of laugh and Dog seems rightly unnerved. Until he starts laughing along.

We return to Santa and Rancine is still on his lap screaming. CatDog comes waltzing up and Rancid remarks, “Look, it’s those freaks you wanted.” Cat has come to make Rancid an offer. He is willing to go along with this proposal and be his niece’s new plaything if it comes with full access to all of Rancid’s stuff. Rancid is in agreement, but what about Dog? He doesn’t like that this deal makes him feel sort of cheap. Cat reassures him by saying this deal gets him access to a sports car and Dog all the T-bones he wants! Rancid then asks him if he likes T-Bones in a suggestive manner indicating that Cat is right. Dog cheers up and says “T-Bone was my nickname at fat camp! Where do I sign?” Santa had been staring at the group with bated breath while Francine rubbed her hands together like an evil sort of person. Rancid tells Dog there’s no signature needed, they’ll shake on it. And they do.

Outside a massive, stone, mansion rests a rather cruel and inelegant looking Santa robot. It’s a decoration for Rancid’s home and everything has a very cold presence. The limo pulls up carrying the crew, but only Rancid and Rancine emerge. Rancid has a large, wrapped, box in his arms and once he enters the mansion he chucks it towards a giant tree. As it hits the floor we hear CatDog groaning in pain from inside. The gift comes to rest at the base of the tree as Dog remarks there’s only a few more hours until Christmas and access to all of Rancid’s stuff! Cat is just as giddy and remarks that this is an idea with absolutely no downside. We then cut back to the mall to find Santa seated on the stairs outside looking downright miserable. Mrs. Claus (Bamford) is there beside him trying to ease his mind, but he can’t get over what he saw. CatDog sold itself to Rancid as a Christmas present! That would seemingly make CatDog a prostitute in the eyes of Santa and he just can’t get over that. Meanwhile, that even speaking elf is just flabbergasted that this Santa is the real deal. He asks if that means the Easter Bunny is real too and Santa remarks “He better be, he owes me sixty bucks!”

Dog was Santa’s only hope for Christmas spirit in this world, but now that belief has been shattered. Santa feels that he has no other choice: he has to cancel Christmas. The world is no longer deserving, and as Santa flies off in his sleigh with four reindeer (he’s a fake!), Christmas basically just disappears. Lights, decorations, trees, all vanish before our eyes. The giant tree in Rancid’s mansion? Stripped of even its fake pine needles leaving behind a cold, monstrous, spiked, metal contraption. All of the gifts beneath it have vanished, all except the one containing CatDog. It’s been stripped of its festive color, but at least they weren’t wiped from existence too like all of the other stuff.

With Christmas gone, we cut to a news broadcast. The anchor (West) informs the viewing audience that Christmas has been cancelled and that their sources out of the North Pole have indicated it’s all the fault of CatDog! Winslow is shown watching the broadcast from CatDog’s couch and he’s pissed. The Greaser Gang then barges in looking to murder CatDog, but Winslow has no idea where they are. We then return to Rancid’s mansion where Dog is ancy to be opened. And with good reason, that box is way too small to comfortably house a CatDog. Rancine approaches and opens the box and acts surprised it’s a CatDog! The pair flop out and seem oblivious to how empty the place is. Rancine informs them she got screwed this Christmas and warns them that they better be good! Dog happily tells her they’re the best and don’t even require batteries. I’d be wary of this Rancine girl if I were you, CatDog.

Or perhaps not? We next find Dog and Rancine having a tea party. Only, instead of tea Dog is being served bones. Rancine looks like her usual, miserable, self so I wonder if she’s capable of experiencing any joy? Cat is eager to take Rancid’s sports car for a drive though so Dog must go too. As he pulls Dog away, Rancine replaces him with a large, green, stuffed, dinosaur with a message of “I Heart You” on its chest which makes me think this is a Barney reference. CatDog goes racing around the interior of the mansion with Cat declaring he’s king of the world, a Titanic reference because it’s 1999. Cat is feeling pretty good about his decision to sell themself for Christmas and Dog appears to be in agreement as he consumes his bone. They then come to a stop beneath the giant, metal, Christmas tree. Dog leaps up to embrace it, but is turned off to find it smells of sweaty metal.

Now, Dog starts to miss Christmas and their usual traditions. Even Cat is in agreement as he reflects upon their double star and the way it caught the light. They both want to return to their old Christmas, so they race back to Rancine in the sports car to inform her of their decision which she will undoubtedly take well. When they initially pull up indicating they’ve made a terrible mistake she’s in agreement for they left giant skid marks in the hall. Cat then informs her they made a different mistake and that they need to go home. Dog tries to bid her farewell, but Rancine clamps onto his snout and informs him that the last person who tried to welch on a bet with her had his shins turned into a coffee table. She then gestures to a table where there’s some guy laying on his stomach with his ankles going through a table surface so the transformation was less gruesome than it sounds. The message is clear though, Rancine isn’t letting the pair leave, and to make sure they won’t she drags them to her room and locks them in a bird cage suspended from the ceiling. As Dog yells to her that she’s a very naughty child, she returns to the room to agree with him and add that she’s proud of it. She’s definitely going to be one of those girls that wears the sweatpants that says “Juicy” across her ass cheeks when she gets to college.

In the streets of town a mob has formed all demanding an end to CatDog. We see the Greasers, Eddie, and presumably other recognizable faces amongst this crowd with murderous intent. Eddie (Dwight Schultz) is particularly aggrieved since he was supposed to get a Jet Ski this year. Back to CatDog, and Dog is laying at the bottom of the cage with foam coming out his mouth while Cat calls for help. Rancine enters annoyed that all of her toys break on Christmas. She ascends a ladder to the cage and we can see that Dog has achieved this state via another bar of soap. Cat pulls the old switcheroo leaving Rancine dangling from the cage as they make their escape. Dog, always the nicer of the two, tells Cat they can’t just leave her like that. He agrees, and sets the ladder back up that she used to reach the cage. CatDog climbs up and shoves Rancine into the cage and shuts the door. There, problem solved!

CatDog now must escape the mansion, but to do so they need to avoid Rancid. As they creep through the halls they spy the rabbit coming their way. He has his head buried in some paper though and could hardly be bothered as he walks by. They pretend to be one of his many statues anyway and in the process reveal that they can change color like a chameleon. Was this done for comedic effect or is this something they do often? Regardless, with Rancid avoided the pair make their way back to the main living room with the big, metal, tree. There’s a window high up on the wall and Cat takes over to climb the tree to the top. The window is still a ways away, but there’s a chandelier above them and Cat still has his scarf. He twirls it over his head like a lasso and successfully ropes the chandelier. The duo swing for the window…and slam into the wall. He missed, and CatDog falls to the floor, but worry not! The front door is unlocked, so that was a lot easier than expected. Too bad about the pain and misery that was all for nothing.

CatDog goes belly-whopping out the door just like Frosty himself! They slide over the hillsides all the way to their home. They seem completely oblivious to the lack of Christmas decorations in town and on their house, but Cat is just relieved they still have five minutes of Christmas left. Then they enter their home to find no tree. That’s the least of their worries for soon the Greaser Gang shows up with Eddie the Squirrel and Winslow. They’re still pretty pissed about the whole cancelled Christmas thing and are looking to exact a bit of sweet revenge by wailing on CatDog. Well, Cat more than Dog it would seem as old habits die hard. This is also when CatDog finds out that they’re the reason Christmas is cancelled, but before the gang can wail on CatDog, Rancine shows up. She declares CatDog her property (disgusting slaver!) so she gets to wail on them first, followed by Rancid. Cat then breaks down declaring it all his fault, but they just reply with “We know,” and prepare for a beating!

It’s Dog who cries out for everyone to be quiet. It’s time for a speech. Dog declares they can still have a Christmas even without all of that usual stuff. He then grabs a bunch of junk from around the house, fills a punch bowl with water from the sink (gross), and assembles it all into a double junk tree! He’s pretty proud of himself, but it’s Cliff who points out that it’s just a pile of jump and disgusting dish water. Eddie gets in the best line calling Dog a Noel Nincompoop, but his gesture worked on Cat. Or maybe Cat just doesn’t want to get beat up? Dog points out they’re together just like every Christmas and even Shriek (Bamford) the poodle is forced to admit this is what they do every Christmas. Cat even goes so far as to call them all a family. Sort of. Winslow still thinks they’re stupid, but when Dog takes his picture of a steak and bites it into the shape of a double star and places it on the “tree,” everyone is overcome with awe.

The room is filled with a wondrous glow. The new double star works just like the old one and finally everyone seems to agree that Christmas is possible even without all the “stuff.” Dog says they didn’t cancel Christmas and Cat adds “Because no one can.” He indicates that Christmas “is in here,” though he can’t quite decide just where in here as he moves his hand around his chest until he finds just the right spot. Now we get the required “Merry Christmas, Dog,” from Cat followed by a “Merry Christmas, Cat,” from Dog as the two embrace. Winslow, overcome with emotion, says “That’s the most beautiful thing I ever saw. With the possible exception of some stuff I saw when I was in the navy.” Is that a gay sailor joke in a children’s cartoon?!

There’s no time to contemplate that one as Winslow says “Merry Christmas, CatDog,” and goes in for a hug too. Then the rest of the gang does the same and we have a big group hug. Winslow adds that now it’s just like that stuff he saw when he was in the navy, except everyone’s clothes are on. Okay, he didn’t really say that, but imagine if he did. This warm, happy, moment is broken up by the sound of a crash outside, followed by laughter. The kind of laughter that can only come from one person: Santa Claus!

Santa comes in and a more natural light does with him. We were in kind of a cool blue and black environment, but now it’s positively bright. Cat immediately goes to Santa to apologize for what he did. Santa counters that he should apologize to CatDog, even though what they did was among the most vile acts imaginable. He’s really laying it on thick. He definitely equates this whole thing with prostitution. Imagine the naughty stuff Santa must see and he found that to be the most vile? Maybe this world is just way cleaner than I could imagine? Dog accepts Santa’s apology and Christmas is back on, baby! All of the stuff returns and Cat and Dog are each left holding presents from each other. Or Santa. I don’t know anymore.

Santa departs leaving CatDog to open their presents. Cat gets the popsicle stick house boat he always wanted while Dog gets a delicious bar of soap. All that’s left now is to hang the stockings and sing. It’s an original song, and during it the Greasers get to rough up Cat a bit and Winslow hits him in the face with a snowball. He hands Cat a snowball of his own to basically rub on his head, so I guess this is as nice as he’s going to get. Everyone is then surprised when the quietest, and tallest, Greaser, Lube (Alazraqui) breaks into a lovely solo. Everyone gathers round, well, everyone except CatDog. They’re singing about nothing being better than Christmas with CatDog, but CatDog isn’t around.

And that’s because they’re with Santa! We cut to an external shot of the house all covered in snow and lights. There’s a magnificent full moon in the sky and Santa’s silhouette goes passing by. There’s four reindeer, and something peculiar leading the team. It’s CatDog, or more like Dog, who is basically a reindeer while Cat is holding on for dear life. He urges Dog to get them down in one piece, but Dog sees a garbage truck. This is bad for Cat, and Santa, as Dog lunges for it taking them with him as we fade to black on this holiday special.

That was certainly an unusual Christmas episode. CatDog needs to learn a pretty conventional lesson about how it’s not the material things that make Christmas so special. Well, Cat more than Dog needs to learn that, but it comes via the duo prostituting themselves to a rich, spoiled, kid. Santa reminds us several times that CatDog sold themselves for Christmas and that it’s a truly vile act. It’s so bad it shatters his belief in Christmas which is pretty wild. Maybe you don’t like the prostitution analogy, but the only other one would be CatDog selling themselves into slavery which is pretty abhorrent. I’d argue even more so as that’s really selling one’s dignity. Sex work is just work, selling one’s actual being is something only a desperate person should even consider, not someone who just wants a sports car and bones.

At least it’s an original tale and I only felt semi-lost by the inclusion of recurring characters whom I had no knowledge of. I don’t really need to know why a pack of dogs delights in beating up a cat, especially one who probably lies and cheats his ways out of problems like Cat. Winslow seems like just an asshole and no frame of reference needed there while Eddie is…well, he’s just there. I’m surprised they didn’t use him to make a Cousin Eddie reference. The look of this one passes the Christmas test as there was plenty of that present, until it wasn’t as part of the plot. Rancid and Rancine are as ugly as their names imply which I assume is intentional. Same for Winslow and the gang. There were plenty of not ugly character designs so it’s clear that the ugliness is a choice in places. This isn’t a Klasky-Csupo joint where just everything and everyone is unpleasant to look at.

Is this episode CatDog good? I don’t know. I felt pretty indifferent about CatDog when I was younger and the show was just starting and I suppose I still feel that way. I get the whole point of the show and the whole opposites attract kind of thing makes sense conceptually, but I mostly felt nothing. Maybe that would come from watching more episodes? Cat seems like he’s mostly intended to be unlikable while Dog is cheerful and sweet. He’s almost too cheerful and sweet here as he’s oblivious to how shitty a friend Cat is to him. I don’t worry about them getting beat up, I’m not begging them to not sell themselves for Christmas, and I’m not really invested in their Christmas experience. I kind of wish the episode went all-in on its messaging and just ended it on the group hug. They didn’t need stuff, so why bring the stuff back? Maybe just cut to Santa flying overhead and looking on with an approving smile? The final visual of CatDog pulling the sleigh was fun, but the special didn’t need it either.

I guess this one gets the absolute lightest of recommends from me. It’s a Christmas episode and there’s some value to be found here. I didn’t hate it, I wasn’t bored, but I don’t anticipate watching it again unless one of my kids suddenly acquires an affinity for CatDog. It’s pretty low on the list of Nicktoons Christmas episodes for me, but I suspect people younger than me who may have been the right age for CatDog when it aired feel different about it. And that’s fine, different strokes and all that. If you would like to check this one out then the easiest way is via Paramount+. There you will find this episode along with every other episode of CatDog waiting for you, should you wish to view them.