We’re back to the ranking posts, and following yesterday’s solo entry, it means our numbers are no longer nice and clean. This is also our first day with 11 entries and we’ll have a few more just as part of my organization. We’ll also never have fewer than 10 on these. It’s math, baby!
Today we slide a bit further into the “Hmm…okay,” category. There’s still stuff here that I am unlikely to ever return to, but there’s also some stuff in here that I watch just about every year. Now, I hesitate to call those particular specials good, but they obviously do something right or appeal to a certain part of me and flawed Christmas specials can be watchable. The first one on our list though is a bit murky.
Courtesy of the “new” Woody Woodpecker show comes “A Very Woody Christmas.” I could make this short and say this series had another Christmas episode, but I never watched it. I had my fill here. It’s not terrible, it just didn’t really make me laugh. It’s three segments: two Woody cartoons sandwiched around a Chilly Willy. I’d say the Chilly Willy one is the best of the three, but I always liked the little penguin. The third one is also in the discussion as Woody tries to get himself off the Naughty List by doing something nice for his neighbor, but everything just goes wrong. The show premiered in 1999 and it looks okay by those standards. Woody’s redesign is slight and not unsightly and I did like Billy West in the role, I just wish the cartoon was funnier.
You could take a lot of what I just said about Woody and apply it here. One would think a Christmas special centered around Bugs Bunny would be pretty funny, but this is not. Perhaps one of the most disappointing Christmas specials I’ve ever seen, this comes post Looney Tunes shorts when the made-for-television animation was obvious and the voices started sounding a little different. It doesn’t look particularly good and too much time is wasted on a tired A Christmas Carol parody that does nothing clever. My affection for these characters has helped to prop it up all the way to this spot and the fact that my kids love Bugs Bunny has kept this in semi-rotation over the years, but this is the worst Looney Tunes Christmas anything on this list.
We go from the Looney Tunes Christmas special to the superhero who wants to be a Looney Tune. The Mask is not a show I’ve spent much time with outside of this episode and I’m not likely to. Even so, this wasn’t bad even though it’s another “Character takes over for Santa” plot. Rob Paulsen is a good Mask and there were at least a few spots that made me smile. It also has Tim Curry and he’s great. I did enjoy the look of this one as it’s much better than the other Jim Carrey movies turned cartoons in that respect. And with this one, I can watch it and think, “This isn’t bad, but it’s definitely not made for me.” And that’s because it’s made for kids and if I were a kid I’d probably think higher of this. And had I been a little kid when this was on, maybe my nostalgia for it would have pushed it higher? Or not as we’ll see in a few entries.
I avoided this one for years because of that title. “Dickens” implies only one thing when paired with Christmas and my appetite to watch unfamiliar A Christmas Carol takes is nonexistent. This one isn’t really what I thought the title implied. Instead, the Brown family (and Marty) travel back in time to find that A Christmas Carol is essentially a true story. They don’t really come to that conclusion, but that’s basically what it is. The Brown kids get mixed up with an Oliver Twist like kid and a Scrooge-type gets it in the end. It’s all right. A cromulent Christmas episode from a cromulent cartoon. There’s so little Back to the Future things outside the movies that there was a temptation to rank this one higher, but if I’m being honest with myself I’ll never watch it again.
Speaking of surprises, this one definitely surprised me. I knew the Berenstain Bears as a series of children’s books. I read and enjoyed them as a kid. I also vaguely recall an animated series. The only specific of the animated version I could recall was the opening title. An actual plot from an episode is just not something my brain can recall. I assumed this would be a preschool styled show and when I went to watch it for the countdown that year I thought there was a really strong chance I was wasting my time as I avoid preschool shows for this blog. There just isn’t much to talk about with them. I was wrong as this was really a straight-forward comedic show aimed at kids. It didn’t exactly win me over, but I was charmed by elements of it and came to enjoy the dumb father character. I think if this were in the 11 minute range it would have been stronger as I just got sick of it. The plot didn’t have enough meat on the bone to sustain the full run time, but it wasn’t bad. If my kids had been raised on this franchise then I would have been fine introducing this to them. Since they weren’t, I don’t have to.
The last of the Jim Carrey movies turned cartoons I covered was Dumb and Dumber. Coincidentally, it was also the last to be released and the same is true of the movie and cartoon. And it’s also the best of the three, which I’d say is also true of the movies which is quite the coincidence. As for series, that I can’t attest to as I haven’t seen enough of any of them, but for Christmas specials I’m taking “Santa Klutz” over the other two. Part of the reason for that is the run time – this one is short. I like short. It is ugly as sin and I don’t really like looking at it, but unlike the other two this one did have some genuine funny moments. It can be hard to write stupid characters, but this cartoon did a good job with that. There’s some misdirection to jokes and the plot setup is also a strength. Reflecting on it, I’m almost talking myself out of ranking it here and moving it up, but I’m not here to second guess myself.
A Cosmic Christmas is a special that’s more interesting than good. I say that as someone who didn’t grow up watching it so my nostalgia here is nil, but the main plot beats are pretty standard Christmas stuff. The animation is rough, but in an artistic and interesting way. Some characters have weird flow or large blocks of color. There’s lots of smoking which is unusual in this day and age and some odd effects with the aliens and their spacecraft. I was never bored watching it even if the story wasn’t exciting. I also enjoyed the Christmas message contained in this one which is largely to help the less fortunate – the sort of thing a lot of high profile church people lose sight of. RIP Nelvana.
Here’s the one I was mostly calling out in the intro paragraph as one I tend to watch every year. X-Men was my favorite show as a kid so nostalgia plays a big role. I was predisposed to liking any Christmas episode X-Men did. And this is a pretty bad Christmas episode, but it’s also intentionally bad. The writing staff was tasked with doing a Christmas episode so they tried to get every trope they could come up with into this one because, on the surface, Christmas with the X-Men is pretty absurd. It just wasn’t the type of show that was going to tackle the subject. The only problem here is the writers were almost too good at making a bad Christmas episode. There’s no sense of irony within the episode, you’re only in on the joke if you happened to read an interview concerning it.
I don’t have a ton of nostalgia for the Teddy Ruxpin cartoon, but I did love my Teddy Ruxpin doll and the book this episode was based on. I feel like I can almost recite that story from memory because Teddy and Grubby told it to me so much. It’s not a true Christmas special as it’s one of those other world stories where they have their own customs that just so happen to resemble Christmas an awful lot. The only thing missing is Santa Claus. Teddy and his pals deliver gifts to their friends while the villain, Tweeg, tries to ruin their time, but he’s an idiot with idiot followers. It’s a little too syrupy sweet at times, but I was entertained.
Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas was so good that they had to come back for another one. Too bad that along the way someone decided that this should be animated in 3D as opposed to 2D and the classic Disney characters just weren’t ready for that. This thing is Ugly. Mickey looks weird, Goofy more so, and it’s an all together downgrade across the board. The duck nephews who are tasked with carrying one of the longer segments of this one look almost monstrous. It’s also a weird setup where we’re going with what is essentially a 90 minute block of programming broken up into 5 segments of varying lengths. It does improve the pacing when compared with Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas, but the stories aren’t the best. The saving grace is the final segment where Pluto accidentally winds up at the North Pole and Mickey thinks he ran away because he got mad at him. It’s cute watching Pluto frolic with the other reindeer and it has a really sweet ending. It also helps that Pluto made the jump to 3D better than most of the cast. If you’re interested in this one, I recommend just fast forwarding to that part. The rest is filler.
Tex Avery’s contribution to Christmas is this short that’s also a sequel to the classic story The Three Little Pigs. Well, sort of. It doesn’t really matter, but we have two married pigs and their bratty son and old Mr. Big Bad is going to try and sneak into this home on Christmas. It turns out to be a bad idea as the little kid is a true screwball cartoon character with all the powers of the screwball. We get to watch this kid brutalize the wolf and get some laughs in the process. It’s light on your usual Christmas tropes, but there’s something there. What holds it back is just that, at this point in Avery’s career, there wasn’t a whole lot more he could do. It’s a lot of the same gags you’ve seen before and the attempts at making them bigger just lack imagination. I also don’t like the protagonist. I dislike his voice and most of his mannerisms so it ends up being one of those cartoons where you almost want to root for the bad guy. Eat the damn kid – he sucks!
Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:
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If you watched a lot of cartoons in the 80s and 90s then you probably remember Nelvana. Their cartoons, like many others, would end with their own production logo which was a polar bear, I think. It was all one color and white and since Nelvana is Canadian it would certainly make a lot of sense for that bear to indeed be a polar bear. That polar bear logo was conceived sometime in 1978 first appearing alongside the television special The Devil and Daniel Mouse. What most probably don’t know, or really even thought about, is that the polar bear logo wasn’t around for Nelvana’s very first animated television special which is the subject of today’s post.
A Cosmic Christmas is an animated television special first released in 1977. It was Nelvana’s first and was a production headed by co-founder Patrick Loubert and directed by fellow founder Clive A. Smith. It’s from the subgenre of Christmas specials where aliens come to Earth to experience the holiday, a subgenre that is often not utilized. It’s an original tale, and for this blog it’s a slightly more secular take on the holiday. Being that I did my growing up in the United States, A Cosmic Christmas isn’t something I ever encountered before. It’s animation is a bit crude and clearly dated with just a cursory look. That coupled with its original story and lack of recognizable characters probably gave this one a pretty short shelf life on television. Sometimes a company can strike gold with an original Christmas special (like Disney’s Prep & Landing), but most of the time the ones that hang around feature popular characters or adapt familiar stories.
This one doesn’t waste any time getting to the “cosmic” part.
That doesn’t mean that a production like A Cosmic Christmas is destined for failure or need to settle for mediocrity. Plenty of animated stories lack polish and are still well received, and an original tale is certainly better than yet another version of A Christmas Carol. This one begins with a very alien looking image. It’s apparently the navigation system for a spaceship and a wacky (for lack of a better word) sounding voice alerts us that this ship is nearing the planet Earth and that it’s December 24th.
There’s a bit of a Schoolhouse Rock vibe to the presentation.
We then cut to a crowded town setting. A young boy, Peter (Joey Davidson), is roaming the streets in search of someone named Lucy. There are quick cuts to very angry looking people, a woman ordering some clerk to wrap a gift faster while her poodle barks, and more abstract crowd images. The style is very flat, but colorful. The more abstract people are a solid color such as blue or purple while Peter is always drawn in detail. Though what detail there is to him is a bit limited to mostly just solid colors without shading. Sometimes there’s some cross-hatching added to the edges of models, but that’s it. The people are also moving in a squirmy sort of way. It’s not to the same degree as squiggle vision popularized by shows like Dr. Katz or early episodes of Home Movies, but it’s similar. I’m not sure if this is a stylistic choice or if the animation team just lacks experience and wasn’t able to properly time the animation. The audio is a bit loud, but not distorted. It’s certainly dated and lacking in polish, but the presentation isn’t altogether off-putting. I don’t know that I’d call it charming, but there is at least a unique element at play.
I wish we had more characters that looked as good as Santa Joe here, but he’s kind of it.
We soon find out that Lucy is not a person, but a goose. And it’s a goose that is wearing what looks like pink pajamas. Why? I don’t know, but don’t expect to find out. We then cut to a very tired looking individual dressed as Santa Claus (Martin Lavut). He’s ringing a bell and trying to raise money for the less fortunate. Peter comes running up to him and refers to him as Santa Joe. He asks him how’s it going and Joe replies not so well. Peter doesn’t have much to say in return, but wishes him a merry Christmas and takes off with his goose at his side. Some kids then show up to claim they’re the less fortunate he’s looking to help. They appear to be something akin to the local riff raff. They mock him, while the apparent leader of this troupe, Marvin (Greg Rogers), gets a little more face time. He’s an oddly designed character. He has shaggy bangs which his eyes are drawn over and these pants that sort of resemble bell bottoms (it was the 70s, after all) that are purple and covered in stars. The pants don’t really end in shoes though, a trait also shared by Peter. Compare him to Santa Joe who looks like a more conventional and real person, albeit stylized for a cartoon, and you would think they’re from two different productions.
This cop could not be bothered with stars on Christmas Eve.
Peter stops at a store window which has a nativity display in it. He just stares at it until a light catches his eye. It looks like a star and it’s reflected in the window back at him right where the Star of Bethlehem is in the display. Peter turns around and sees that the star is moving – it’s a spaceship! Nearby, the local chief of Police, Snerk (Marvin Goldhar), is writing a ticket and Peter races over to point out the weird object in the sky. The guy is apparently one of those very jaded cops who doesn’t believe much. He takes one look and finds nothing remarkable about a star in the sky. Other people in the street ignore the boy as well because who has time to turn their head?
These cartoon dust clouds must be a real pain. Do you think they’re on cartoon weather reports and stuff?
Someone else then calls out to Peter that they see it too, but when he turns his head he gets hit in the face with a snowball. It’s blue in color and more resembles the consistency of mud, but we’re dealing with limited animation here. The culprit was Marvin and he and his gang take to mocking Peter. They’re not very original as they all claim to be something they’re not (“Look Peter I’m a green martian and I’m gonna eat you!”) in a mocking, playful, way. None of them have any real zingers, and when the female taps the head of one of the other goons acting out her role as a fairy the kid throws himself back and lands on Lucy. This sets off a classic cartoon dust cloud brawl! The other guys jump into this entity as they apparently have some bone to pick with the goose. Peter cautiously approaches the cloud and yanks his goose out. The two run off leaving Marvin to glare at the pair because the goose bit his nose during the melee. They are now enemies.
If this scene is hinting at the goose being some sort of angel then that’s a swerve I’m here for. Let’s get weird!
Peter and Lucy run off into the woods and while the animation isn’t doing much for me, I will say the setting looks appropriately cold. Cold enough that I catch myself telling Peter to just go home assuming he has a home. He clearly is short on friends since he hangs around with a goose in pajamas. It’s time for a musical montage where we see Peter and Lucy doing winter things like making snow angels and looking at the stars, which is appropriate as the song would seem to be called something like “Why Don’t They Look to the Sky?” At least, the vocalist punctuates every verse with that question. I suppose now is a good time to mention that the music is credited to Sylvia Tyson and since the vocalist is feminine sounding, it may even be her that’s singing.
We have visitors!
The song ends with Peter and Lucy coming upon that light again, only now it’s descending closer and closer to the Earth. There’s an actual attempt at lighting as this thing turns into a sphere. It’s probably the closest thing to special effects as we’re going to get as this circular object lands. It has an almost realistic texture as if this were a model, but it’s still very flat so if it is then it’s just paper. It turns all black and then the outline of a pentagon with rounded corners appears. It then falls like it’s made out of paper before forming into stairs. A pretty horrid sounding bit of synthesized music accompanies this dramatic reveal as the silhouettes of three tall individuals materialize in the glowing light.
Their robot resembling a sperm makes me think this is some alien mission to impregnate a human with some sort of evil, alien, spawn. I’m probably setting myself up for disappointment with that one.
Peter and Lucy are shown to be pretty alarmed by this as they cower behind a stump. The three individuals emerge and they’re animated in this very jittery fashion. They’re tall with two possessing long faces with the third featuring a rounded one and the colors in use for them are mostly of the cool variety – whites and blues. This weird little yellow android buzzes around them. He kind of looks like a robotic, yellow, sperm. Sperm-bot is apparently quite curious as it flutters around and soon finds Peter and Lucy. He make some noises and it’s clear that this thing was what we heard at the very beginning of the show. Peter and Lucy sort of awkwardly jump with fright and roll over the stump they had been hiding behind.
Could they be the three wise men and this whole time those guys were just aliens? Again, probably setting myself up for some disappointment.
Now that they’re no longer hidden, the three alien beings approach. The credits seem to list these individuals as Plutox (Lavut), Lexicon (Richard Davidson), and Amalthor (Duncan Regehr). I have no idea which is which and the sperm thing doesn’t appear to be credited anywhere as anything. Peter is understandably alarmed to be face-to-face with bonafide aliens, and he’s even more surprised to find out they both understand him and can speak English. One of them basically brushes this aside by saying they essentially know every language which is remarkably convenient. He then asks Peter “How do you do? I am fine,” which is something he’ll repeat a lot. They’re not here for any sort of nefarious reason (though that’s exactly what an alien out to destroy the planet probably would at first claim), but rather to observe. They’re sort of like the Galactic Inquisitor from The Venture Brothers and even kind of resemble that character. Perhaps these were an inspiration?
Not the most elaborate of spaceships, but I guess they prioritize function over form.
Anyway, they noticed something unusual appeared in the sky 2,000 years ago on this night. The one with the round face uses a whole bunch of nonsense words to describe the event while one of the others offers a more plain explanation for Peter’s benefit. In the process, he refers to the round-faced one as Plutox so we’ve at least figured out the name for one of these guys. Peter is only too cheerful to reveal they must be referring to the Star of Bethlehem. They have no idea what Peter is talking about so for as intelligent as these guys are, they apparently do not study otherworldly religions. They want to understand the meaning of this star, which Peter explains appeared when Jesus Christ was born and basically just says that he was a real important guy and leaves it at that. He name-drops Christmas and that’s what the focus of everyone shifts to: the meaning of Christmas.
George is quite flummoxed by this Christmas wreath.
Peter, being a rather helpful and enthusiastic kid, decides to take these three wise aliens to the same local store display we saw him staring at earlier. As the four look at the display once again, the store’s owner, George, emerges from the door. A bunch of stuff is apparently being held back by said door and as he exits a wreath gets stuck on his head. Another fellow approaches (I can’t find a credit for George or this unnamed guy that sounds like Droopy, but Nick Nichols is credited as a townie so maybe he’s one, both, or neither guy) with a “Gee George, did you see the alien spaceship?” George is really wrestling with this wreath that ended up over his head and is having an unusually hard time removing it. He’s pretty irritated and dismisses that so-called spaceship as some marketing blitz by a new store trying to run him out of business. The wreath then practically explodes giving him the appearance of a green, shaggy, beard with pinecones for a mouth. He storms off into the darkness presumably heading home for Christmas.
Here’s a character I didn’t need to meet: the mayor.
One of the aliens ask Peter if this is “love” and he has no response. We pan to a clock that shows it’s 8:30 as Peter leads the trio to the local town hall reasoning the people there know something about Christmas. There we meet the mayor (Chris Wiggins), a large man dressed like an ear of corn with hair that resembles sea kelp. We’ve already met the chief and he’s seen taking calls about the alien spaceship which he still seems doubtful of. The mayor is a bit more excitable and wants the chief’s entire force on the case, but he gave them the night off for Christmas. One of the aliens asks if this is Christmas as the mayor instructs the chief to go check it out. The chief agrees to do so, but casually remarks that they may come around here which causes the mayor to get startled. He decides to go with the chief instead as one of the aliens asks Peter if this is peace? The camera zooms in on his face and he looks worried, but really, what’s to be worried about? Wouldn’t you expect the local police to go check out an alien spaceship?
This kid may not have money, but he sure has style.
Peter then takes the group to a rundown looking house. He was drawn in by the sound of laughter, but when he looks through the window he sees Marvin and the other bullies inside. They’re basically mocking the wealthy by pretending to eat fancy dishes, even though they have nothing. The female of the group (Marian Waldman is credited as a townie, so maybe her?) mentions roast goose which gets Marvin’s attention. He sits up and pulls out what appears to be a switchblade, but it’s one of those novelty switchblade combs. What’s a poor kid doing with one of those stupid things? Anyway, he runs it through his hair and remarks how he’d love some roast goose. We cut to Lucy and sperm-bot looking horrified and disgusted at the thought, but it does leave me to wonder what Peter’s family has planned for Lucy. My own great-grandmother would raise pigs as if they were her pet, only for them to be slaughtered once fattened. It was a much harsher world back then.
This is a rather interesting pairing. I’m kind of curious to see where it goes.
As Lucy turns up her beak and walks away, little tears run down her face. One of the aliens asks if this is “caring” while Peter tries to convince Lucy that those kids were only kidding (nice try). The sperm bot then follows Lucy close behind and appears to really be sizing up her caboose as if it may be pondering what roast goose tastes like (in my experience, bad). Does this thing eat? Or is this just a fake-out? Or could it be a lustful gaze? Maybe that as we go into another musical bit. It’s a piano medley and as it goes along the robot demonstrates its ability to shapeshift. It even sprouts arms and legs and does a Michigan J. Frog type of dance. The robot looks almost longingly at Lucy and now I’m thinking it’s not looking to eat Lucy. Or, well, maybe it is in a different kind of manner. Lucy plays hard to get, but relents and the two dance together. They end by slamming butts together and having a hearty laugh. I am now rooting for this pair to become an item by the time this is over just for the sheer absurdity of it. Also, I’m left thinking it’s weird that this shape-shifting robot can apparently be anything, but it chooses to resemble a floating sperm.
Granny has some rather sage advice when it comes to Christmas, though her idea of what an eight year old boy would like for Christmas needs some work.
We next find the gang standing on a snowy hill which overlooks a small house. One of the aliens asks if they have finally come to find Christmas yet, and Peter explains they have one more place to check. We zoom in on the house and find it belongs to Peter’s family. His mother (Patricia Moffett) is setting up the tree which is this tiny, little, thing that hardly seems worth it. A voice from offscreen asks if she’s done yet which belongs to Peter’s father (Lavut) who dumps a bunch of wrapped gifts at the base of the tree. He then asks Granny (Jane Mallett) if she’s done making something. We pan to her and see she’s making an angel. It looks like a doll of some sort and I guess she’s making the clothes for it. She also demonstrates that its wings open and it would appear to be a gift for Peter. She refers to the pair as Walter and Martha, very boring parental names. Martha tells Granny she doesn’t need to make things for Christmas anymore – you buy them! Granny retorts that you can’t buy Christmas as she goes to place this angel on the mantle. I thought it was a tree topper. Walter wonders where Peter is and the two hope he hasn’t gotten involved with the space man rumors while Granny dismisses the whole thing as nonsense.
It’s been awhile since old Granny had a gentlemen caller so she’s practically salivating when the three men from Mars enter.
Peter then enters the home. He tells them he brought visitors and describes them as strangers in town. His parents are alarmed and his dad even angry that Peter would talk to strangers, but they’re soon taken aback when the three wise aliens enter. The tallest introduces himself in the same manner as he did with Peter while the others explain their mission. The parents are speechless, but Granny is wide-eyed with an “Oh my, men from Mars!” I think Granny is getting some ideas here. Sexy ideas. She then tells Peter to go get some firewood and he does as he’s told. Lucy tags along and when Peter removes some logs from the pile some evil looking eyes are shown to be lurking behind. Lucy is shown just standing there and looking around, then the weird, little, robot comes up behind her and blows a raspberry at her ass scaring her. What is up with this thing? First it wants to eat her, then it wants to mate with her, and now it wants to torment the poor goose? This thing sucks!
When ghostly gingerbread men start emerging from your pipe, maybe it’s time to drop the habit?
Back inside, Peter adds the logs to the poorly animated fire and asks his grandmother to explain what Christmas was like in the old days. She chuckles and takes a seat with her knitting and explains how her dad used to get a big tree and they’d decorate it with homemade ornaments. One of the alien men then remarks, “You mean, like this?” Round faced guy’s face then glows and a bunch of stars emerge. They form a large light as another song begins, this one a somber tune about the passage of time. The light comes together and forms the shape of a tree. A bunch of ornaments and decorations come into being carried by turtle doves and ribbon as the tree is magically decorated. There are angels and gingerbread men dancing and one even emerges from the dad’s pipe. As they flitter about the tree, Granny also remarks how they always had a big, silver, star for the top of the tree, so naturally one appears. She goes on to add that branches of fir would be placed on the mantle, so they too appear along with a skinny looking rabbit. He’s pretty alarmed to find himself here and jumps off giving everyone a laugh. Granny then talks about the food her mother would prepare, so that appears as well. These alien dudes are pretty convenient to have around. The creations are all animated in a wavy manner so perhaps these are just apparitions.
Someone felt we really needed to see what became of the rabbit, who apparently wasn’t an apparition like the other stuff.
The sound of Lucy honking outside ends the sequence. All of that stuff disappears so I guess these guys are just big teases. Peter runs outside to check on Lucy, but the goose is gone and hopefully not cooked. Peter gets there just in time to see Marvin taking off on his bike with the goose. Everyone in the house gives chase, except for the aliens. Well, the little robot chases after Marvin, but perhaps is not permitted to interfere because it seems like it would be easy for the robot to stop the bike, but it chooses not to. Marvin rides over a rabbit hole and the bunny we saw on the mantle earlier pops his head out. When the robot goes by it knocks him over. He dizzily lifts his head up and just manages to duck under Peter. He then pops up, now bruised for some reason, sporting a top hat and suitcase apparently done with living in this particular hole.
When the police chief puts on his siren hat, you know shit is about to get real.
At the spaceship, the mayor, chief, and other townsfolk have gathered around. The chief has a megaphone and is ordering the aliens to come out. When nothing happens, a rather dimwitted townie remarks that maybe they don’t have ears? The mayor gets angry at this suggestion and gets all in this guy’s face for making a perfectly valid suggestion. The chief announces that he’s going to count to ten, and the mayor gets all giddy and decides that he’ll do the same. I don’t like this guy. As the chief counts, the mayor looks absolutely terrified. Marvin them goes zooming through the crowd and few seem to take notice. Then Peter runs by shouting for everyone to stop him and the chief kind of cocks his head. When Peter’s dad runs by shouting “Thief!” then the chief springs into action! He quickly abandons the alien spaceship thing, puts a siren on his head like he’s Inspector Gadget, and takes off. The rest of the townies follow leaving the mayor all alone. When he realizes that everyone left he too runs off, but once he’s a safe distance away from the ship finishes counting to ten.
Hey, at least he’s trying. Nice to see the kid doesn’t seem to think goose-napping is worthy of a death sentence.
Everyone is now chasing after Marvin, including Granny who at some point acquired a snowboard. Marvin’s run from Peter’s family ends on a frozen lake where, wouldn’t you know, the kid crashes through the ice. Lucy is able to fly to safety, but poor Marvin is stuck in the water. Peter, always the good kid, doesn’t hesitate to run to Marvin’s aid. He unfortunately can’t get the boy out and soon he too falls through the ice. We’ve also added thunder and lightning to heighten the drama. Sperm robot decides to get involved and blows itself up like a balloon. Peter tries to grab on, but then the robot lets all the air out and does exactly as a balloon would when the same happens to it. This thing can shapeshift into anything, was a balloon really the most helpful?
“I think we should help the humans rescue the children.” “Aww, but I wanted to see them drown!”
By now, the rest of the townies are at the edge of the pond. The ice is cracking under their weight so the chief announces that they need to form a chain. Everyone grabs hands, with the mayor being safely the furthest away from danger because he sucks, but the problem is there isn’t enough of them to reach the kids. Now we have a dilemma. The aliens, who are sworn to only observe and report, must ponder if they should get involved. As the humans call out for help, they ponder the meaning of help, and arrive at the proper definition. The brown-faced one decides that perhaps by helping they can understand the meaning of Christmas. The other one reminds him that they aren’t supposed to get involved and in doing so calls him Amalthor, so we have finally figured out who is who. Not that I’ll remember.
These guys are so hard to screen grab because of how they’re animated. I give up.
The other two seem to follow Amalthor’s lead and join the chain. When the chief called on them to help, he had no idea who they were, but now everyone can see that they are the aliens. No one recoils or tries to run and the three wise aliens grasp hands with the humans which allows Amalthor to reach Peter and Marvin. Once the boys are safe, the mayor tries to basically take credit for the rescue, but once he comes face to face with Amalthor (who, once again, asks “How do you do?”) he faints.
Let’s hope the aliens aren’t relying on this guy to teach them the meaning of Christmas.
Now, the mob turns its gaze to Marvin. While people are asking Peter if he’s all right and draping coats over his shoulders, Marvin is left shivering in the cold. They call him no good and want him thrown in jail for stealing the goose. Lexicon interrupts to ask why the boy wanted the goose? He is answered by shouts of the kid being no good, but granny sticks up for him and offers the most logical explanation: because he was hungry. Now it’s Plutox’s turn to be confused for he doesn’t understand why a child would be left to go hungry at Christmas. Granny explains it’s because they lost sight of what’s important, and in doing so, lost the meaning of Christmas. Peter then does the only logical thing and extends an invite to Marvin to join his family for Christmas. Marvin is skeptical, but Peter’s mom reassures him that they’d love to have him. The other townsfolk start offering up food and decorations and someone has even placed a blanket on Marvin. The chief then asks if there are any more questions (surprisingly, he’s not insisting on locking up the delinquent) and Amalthor confirms there are none. They now understand Christmas.
I was hoping something would jump out of his pipe again. Maybe that rabbit?
Back at Peter’s house, everyone has gathered for a big Christmas party. Marvin’s friends are there, and even the rabbit who nearly got squished shows up. The other riff raff kids are shown fixing a giant sandwich, while that flying robot still seems intent on tormenting Lucy. Or sleeping with her. I don’t know, but they share food with each other and it’s almost a Lady and the Tramp spaghetti moment. Peter’s grandma hands him the angel she made which he in turn gifts to Amalthor. I knew he wouldn’t like that thing. The girl from Marvin’s gang rather seductively asks to see the chief’s badge. I don’t know why she needed to ask in such a manner since he has no reaction to basically anything or anyone, he just hands it over and Peter places it atop a massive tree. Where it came from, who knows, but it certainly isn’t the tree his mother setup. Santa Joe then arrives to wish the kids who were constructing the massive sandwich a merry Christmas and to remind them to help the less fortunate. He being the less fortunate as he makes off with their sandwich.
A gift from the aliens, I suppose.
Peter’s mom then asks where the boys went? Well Martha, I think we’re about to find out. Peter’s dad pokes his head out the door to find Peter, Marvin, and Lucy standing in the yard. An instrumental version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas” is our soundtrack and man is that song way better without words. The boys are watching the spaceship take off and they’re soon joined by Peter’s parents and Granny. As they watch it rise into the night sky, it takes on the form of the angel granny made. Then the wings sprout out from it and we can hear Peter calling “Thank you” to the alien lifeforms onboard. The mayor and chief are out there as well and as the mayor nudges the chief we see he’s actually crying at the beautiful sight. The mayor waves and calls out “Merry Christmas, whoever you are!” The camera pulls back to show all of the gathered folks outside, as the spaceship contracts and takes on the form of a star once again and that’s how it ends.
If you’re going to do a crowd shot, always a good idea to set the camera far back so you don’t have to draw-in all of the details.
A Cosmic Christmas is certainly a unique experience. The animation is so rough and oddly timed that it definitely has its own feel. A lot of the characters feel like archetypes and simple ones at that so it’s hard to really feel much for them. I wasn’t invested in the quest of the three aliens, clearly stand-ins for the three wise men, nor did I feel any worry for Lucy. This is the kind of story that has some rather predictable beats to it, but so are a lot of Christmas stories.
There was an attempt by Nelvana to make this a more secular holiday special. It doesn’t really dive too deep there as it basically just name drops Jesus and makes a few Bible references and leaves it at that. The message just becomes one of focusing on what truly matters. It’s not the gifts, parties, decorations, or anything like that. Christmas is a time to reflect and appreciate each other. To take care of one another. In an era where we have priests overseeing mega churches that flaunt their incredible wealth I suppose it doesn’t hurt to be reminded that we should be looking out for the less fortunate and not ignoring them. Or worse, condemning them.
A thirsty grandmother and a robot lusty for goose ass was not on my bingo card going into this one, but I guess they should have been.
The attempts at humor in this one weren’t particularly successful. Almost all of them revolved around the robot character which I grew to dislike. The thing is just pointless. It’s not funny or interesting and feels forced. As does the goose. Marvin could have stolen anything, though I suppose it adds to the drama if the thing is something living. Peter is even shown to have a cat, but I guess he prefers hanging out with the goose. The mayor character also felt forced upon us and is another I could do without. He had an arche, but not one that really had time to feel meaningful.
I’m left with lukewarm feelings on A Cosmic Christmas. I have no nostalgia for it, but I’m guessing for people that do it’s something they return to annually. It’s not bad or anything, it just fits into that mid tier Christmas special ranking. I grew up on ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas from Rankin Bass and I can appreciate it on that level, but I probably wouldn’t think much of it if I saw it for the first time in my 40’s. Though I will go to bat for the songs in that one always. The songs in this particular special are just okay. No bangers, but nothing that’s offensive to the ears.
If you want to view A Cosmic Christmas for yourself, then it probably comes as no surprise that it can be found very easily online. According to Wikipedia, the last physical release of this thing came on VHS so you can imagine how protective of this thing Nelvana is today. I can’t really recommend it for those looking for a hidden gem, but if you feel like you just need something different this holiday season then you could certainly do worse than A Cosmic Christmas.
Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:
This year, I’ve taken some time out to watch Christmas episodes of shows I’m pretty unfamiliar with. This is yet another one of those posts, only with this show I did make an attempt to get into it. A mild one. We Bare Bears is a show created by Daniel Chong that aired on Cartoon…
Hugh Harman was one of the early stars in the field of animation. In fact, we talked about one of his shorts already this year, but perhaps his most famous and most celebrated is the 1939 anti-war film Peace on Earth. According to Harman, the short subject was nominated for The Nobel Peace Prize, but…
One of the big, early, cartoon stars was Popeye the Sailor. Popeye starred in newspaper strips, radio plays, and theatrical shorts with contemporaries like Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny. His star has faded over the years, but few would deny Popeye’s place among the greatest cartoon stars of all-time. Come the 1960s though, Popeye and…
In 1994, Nintendo and developer Rare Ltd. released unto the world Donkey Kong Country for the Super Nintendo. It was a pretty big deal because with Sony prepping its 32-bit PlayStation console for release, and Nintendo no where near ready to unveil the Nintendo 64, the company needed to eke out a few more years from the SNES to bridge that gap. Sega had tried to do the same with its Genesis console by releasing expensive add-ons that ultimately failed forcing it to rush the Saturn console to market around the same time. Nintendo felt the SNES still had something to say, and Rare had just the thing up its sleeve: 3D.
Three-dimensional graphics had already been done on the Super Nintendo in 1993 with Star Fox. That game used 3D polygons to create a style of flight sim pretty foreign to console gamers. It was unquestionably impressive and the game was a lot of fun to play, though unsaid at the time was that the game was pretty ugly. Actual pleasant visuals were sacrificed in order to achieve three-dimensional gaming and it was a trade-off that felt necessary at the time in order for advancements to be made. That’s why it was so shocking when Rare unveiled Donkey Kong Country which featured 3D models of the game’s characters: Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong, making his debut. The two looked like a pair of cartoon apes and their many allies and foes featured the same level of detail. It was stunning and left jaws on the floor when it was first shown. Even today, the game is hardly an eyesore and many would argue it’s aged better than a lot of the games that followed on more powerful hardware.
Not just a popular series of video games.
Just how did Rare pull off the impossible on the Super Nintendo? With trickery, of course. Rare rendered the characters in 3D on (for the time) powerful computers and then converted those models into 2D sprites. In doing so, Rare was able to preserve the 3D aesthetic even if the game itself wasn’t technically 3D. Does that matter? No! If gamers were convinced they were experiencing a game rendered in 3D then that’s all that matters. Of course it helped that the gameplay was restricted to just two planes as Donkey Kong Country, at its heart, is a fairly straight-forward 2D platformer. I’d even argue it’s a merely average one as I personally never found a lot of enjoyment in playing the game, even if I was impressed by how it looked.
To no one’s surprise, Donkey Kong Country was a big hit for Nintendo and two sequels followed on the Super Nintendo, pretty good for a console everyone thought was at the end of its life when the original came out. The game was popular enough that an animated series was commissioned by Nelvana for 1997. Working on season one was Medialab Studio L.A. which switched to Hong Guang Animation for season two. WIC Entertainment had a hand in the production as well and the show was broadcast around the world totaling 40 episodes. In the US, it was one of the original Fox Family Channel cartoons and was also seen a bit on the broadcast network. And since the video games were “3D,” so was the animated series. Being a 1997 show, it’s obviously pretty limited and as a result it was something I didn’t particularly care for. The only 3D show I even gave a passing glance at was Beast Machines and only because that one seemed to be far and away the best looking of the bunch. And not being a big fan of the game, I also had little reason to check it out, so I didn’t!
For some reason, the opening shot is the only one in which the hut is decorated with Christmas, excuse me, Kongo Bongo Festival of Lights lights.
The first episode of the second season is where our pull for today comes from. “The Kongo Bongo Festival of Lights” is one of those Christmas, but not Christmas, episodes some shows do which makes this similar to last year’s Super Mario World episode. The Festival of Lights is essentially Donkey Kong Christmas. The only thing missing is a stand-in for Santa Claus. There’s obviously lights, but there’s also gift-giving and the capper is a fireworks display at night, which is a part of some Christmas celebrations around the world, though certainly not a requirement. It qualifies for The Christmas Spot, and since this is a show I’m barely familiar with I’m actually a little eager to give it a go so let’s see what Donkey Kong has to offer.
Cranky is terrific. Easily the best part of the show.
The episode begins with Cranky Kong (Aron Tager) reading ‘Twas the Night Before the Festival of Lights to Donkey Kong (Richard Yearwood) and Diddy Kong (Andrew Sabiston). I have no idea if this show follows the lore of Donkey Kong Country with Cranky being the original Donkey Kong from the arcade games and the current Donkey Kong his son, Donkey Kong Jr. If it does, it doesn’t feel like it. Cranky sounds appropriately old and, well, cranky, while Donkey Kong sounds far more refined than I was anticipating. I thought he’d have a gravely voice, but instead it’s young and hip, for lack of a better word. Diddy sounds like Yoshi from the Super Mario World cartoon, which makes sense since Andy Sabiston also voiced that character. It too was unexpected, but doesn’t feel inappropriate for the character.
Somehow they look worse here than they do in a Super Nintendo game.
When Cranky finishes the story he inquires with his two pupils what their favorite part of the festival is. Donkey Kong claims it’s the bananas, which is apparently the only thing he ever cares about. Diddy Kong, who is clearly the kid character here, says it’s the presents and mouths off about wanting some monkey bar toy. Cranky remarks that’s what he wants too just to mess with him, though surprisingly doesn’t admonish the young monkey for focusing on the material aspect of the holiday. He then shares that his favorite part of the holiday is the part most important to our plot: the truce between apes and lizards. The main bad guy is the crocodile King K. Rool (Benedict Campbell) from the video games and apparently this holiday is the only time he’s agreed to leave the apes alone. Why does he typically bother them? Because he wants the crystal coconut, which is literally a crystal coconut. If it has any sort of magic powers that’s not covered here.
General Klump salutes his king.
After that revelation, the setting shifts from Donkey’s treehouse to a pirate ship out on the seas. The water looks terrible and the camera zooms in on an obvious pirate sail, but then dissolves into a cave or mine. In there we find the lizards, or crocs, or whatever, barreling down the tracks in a mine car. They stop beside General Klump (Adrian Truss), a chubby croc in an army helmet that looks like a model from the game. He gives the cart full of subordinates info on how to get out as he’s clearly preparing for all operations to be suspended for the holiday. King K. Rool then shows up in the next cart and he’s pleased to find out that everything is going smooth in preparation for the holiday. The king inquires where Krusha (Len Carlson) is and Klump informs him he’s in the back looking for something. Krusha, a big, dumb, blue, gator, then emerges excited that he found some “candles.” The candles are clearly dynamite and as the two intelligent gators recoil in horror the sticks explode and Krusha is left standing charred and confused.
Pictured: not candles.
Klump corrects my assumption and refers to the dynamite as fireworks. He then hops up and down excitedly as he shares that the fireworks are his favorite part of the holiday. King K. Rool then shares with Klump his typical holiday plans as he’s looking forward to spending the holiday with family playing “Gator Games” and enjoying bog nogg. As he does, the camera zooms in on Klump’s eyes and it’s clearly trying to convey something, but the animation is too limited to make it clear. It almost looks like longing? Is Klump like Smithers to King K. Rool’s Mr. Burns?
Elton Klump.
No. Turns out we were supposed to notice that Klump was sad. That becomes apparent after the king departs and we can see Klump’s full face. Apparently he’s all alone for the holidays because he has no family and this is typical for him each year. He hangs his head and slumps off only to wind-up at a grand piano that appears out of no where. He then sings us a song, and seeing how there’s songs attached to every episode in the episode guide, I’m guessing this is fairly typical of the show. “No Family Tree” is a sad little piano number that then adds drums and guitar magically. The lyrics are actually kind of clever and we learn some more about gator food: pizza mud pies, beetle sandwiches, rotten turtle egg soup. The song ends on a literal high note out of Klump, followed by a bout of pathetic sobbing. Poor guy.
Poor Klump can’t remember his poem, even though the words literally call on him to remember someone.
Klump is then shown standing in the mine talking aloud to himself. He recalls a poem someone taught to him that he should recite when he is sad. Only, he can’t remember how it goes. It starts off as, “Whenever you’re sad, lonely as can be, just remember me…” and that’s where he’s left literally scratching his head. As he recites what little he knows, he does so with a melody and piano music filters in to go with it. It’s pretty corny, but also pretty clear that we’ll know the rest of the poem come the episode’s end.
We leave the lonely Klump to wallow in his sadness and rejoin Donkey Kong and Diddy. They’re both walking along a dock and Donkey Kong is excited to show off his fireworks display. He’s carrying a giant barrel which he has effortlessly placed upon his shoulder. Diddy is still focused on the presents and he wants to know what Donkey Kong got him. Donkey Kong is happy to share, and as he hypes it up, Diddy starts doing backflips until Donkey Kong reveals it’s a banana – the same thing he got everyone else. Diddy falls over laughing as he thinks this is a joke causing Donkey Kong to look at the camera and sadly go along with Diddy’s assumption. Donkey Kong’s face is so weird looking in this show because his brow is the same color as his mouth, but he has brown fur under it and around his eyes. The brow flops all over the place to convey emotion and it’s pretty ugly, but that’s how the character looks in the game so I guess the animators felt they had to retain it.
Yikes! Candy Kong isn’t looking too hot.
The conversation is interrupted by the aroma of banana cream pie. Donkey Kong follows his nose to a steaming pie left out on a barrel which doesn’t look like any banana cream pie I ever saw. Candy Kong (Joy Tanner) then pops out of the nearby hut to greet her boyfriend, I think? Donkey Kong, lost in the fragrance of pie, mistakenly calls her Creamy at first then corrects himself which doesn’t seem to bother her. If you don’t like the Donkey Kong model in this show, you’ll probably hate Candy as she looks pretty terrible. Her clothing doesn’t appear to be modeled separately and has that painted on quality that makes me think of old wrestling games on the PlayStation. I think the show is trying to make her conventionally attractive to the viewer too, even though she’s an ape, sort of like some of the female characters from a show like Goof Troop which just look like women, but with brown noses. Candy though looks horrid and I think it’s because she basically has no nose.
Candy then boasts about the gift she got for Donkey Kong, but teases he has to wait until later to get it. If you think this is suggestive, she is actually holding a wrapped present, but I suppose it could contain something naughty. As she walks back inside, Funky Kong (Damon D’Oliveira) strolls by. He speaks with a Jamaican accent and he too boasts to Donkey Kong about the awesome gift he got him. As he walks away, the implication is he got him a surfboard since he’s carrying a yellow one with an image of Donkey Kong’s tie painted on it. As he takes his leave to deliver the present to Cranky, Donkey Kong laments that everyone got him something great with his sadness implying he doesn’t have anything in return. Diddy then reassures him that Cranky surely got him a terrible gift since he gets him the same thing every year: glow-in-the-dark pajamas. The two share a laugh, and then Diddy makes Donkey Kong feel worse when he assures him that his gift for DK will make up for Cranky’s. This reminds him that he still needs to wrap it. He reminds Donkey Kong to finish setting up the fireworks or else the only thing glowing tonight will be the pajamas as he walks off leaving DK standing there looking depressed.
Apparently DK seeks advice from a creepy statue often.
Donkey Kong is shown setting up the barrels far out on the dock for the fireworks. He bemoans that he doesn’t know what to do about the gifts, then we see a slot machine graphic that spins and displays three bananas indicating that DK has figured out a solution. We then head to some big, stone, idol that Donkey Kong refers to as Inka Dinka Doo. He reminds me of Olmec from Legends of the Hidden Temple. It’s apparently some kind of idol that can impart wisdom as Donkey Kong seems to think it knows what to do. As he pleads with the statue to provide a solution, the top spins as it’s kind of like an 8-ball. It switches to a smiling portrait and then a disembodied voice (Lawrence Bayne) echoes “Look into the heart of your enemy to discover the greatest gift of all.” Donkey Kong is clearly perplexed, but that’s all he’s getting out of the statue.
An alliance is forged!
We then see Donkey Kong running through the jungle complaining that Inka Dinka Doo wasted his time. He soon smashes into Klump knocking the two of them off their feet. At first Klump is startled, but then the two remember the truce and they rather easily put their differences aside. Klump seems rather happy to find another person alone for the festival, but then Donkey Kong informs him he’s not alone and will be celebrating with a bunch of friends at a party. This just makes Klump sad again. When Donkey Kong inquires what he’s doing behind enemy lines, he tells him he just came to see the fireworks. Donkey Kong then breaks the bad news to him that there won’t be any this year because he still needs to find presents for all of his friends. This crushes Klump as the fireworks are all he has. He’s not so crushed that he isn’t resourceful though as he offers to help DK find gifts for his friends in exchange for a front row seat at the fireworks. Donkey Kong agrees to the terms and the two shake on it.
Why would a crocodile have nipples?
We’re then back at the dock and that pirate ship – remember that seemingly innocuous pirate ship we saw for all of two seconds – is shown docked. Here we meet Kaptain Skurvy (Rob Rubin) who is basically a palette swap of Klump only he’s orange and wears a pirate hat instead of an army one. He has two pirates with him, Kutlass (John Stocker, another veteran of the Super Mario cartoons) and a nameless green croc voiced by Richard Newman. Skurvy has decided that today is the perfect day to steal the crystal coconut, so apparently crocs other than King K. Rool want that thing, on account of there being a truce so it won’t be expected. Kutlass thinks this is a great idea, but Skurvy then gets a little sad and reveals there’s only one thing he wants more than that coconut and it’s something he lost long ago. I’m sure we’ll know soon enough what that is. Since he can’t steal what he lost though, he’s taking that coconut and he leads his men in a cheer that’s just “Steal booty!”
I’m sure the animators appreciated not having to show us the contents of King K. Rool’s vault.
Klump has taken Donkey Kong back to the mine lair where the ape is rummaging through what’s left there for gifts. He’s in some kind of vault and Klump instructs him to take whatever, though he tells him he should leave the clown costume behind. DK is enthused by the stuff in there, though none of it is depicted on screen so we’re left to wonder just what’s so great. Klump then starts into his sadness routine again as he openly wishes he had someone to give gifts to. The music for his poem then re-enters as he tries to recite it again, but still can’t remember the last part. Donkey Kong inquires about that last part and Klump says he can’t remember, it was just something someone sang to him when he was little. Donkey Kong then tells him he found the perfect gift – candles! It’s the dynamite, or fireworks, from earlier. As Klump shouts “No!” we’re shown an exterior shot of the mine as the stuff explodes and what looks like real fire is shown onscreen. We then jump back into the mine to see a blackened Donkey Kong and Klump seemingly no worse for ware.
If Donkey Kong has trouble properly identifying fireworks then he really shouldn’t be in charge of the festivities later.
Back at Cranky’s place, the old ape is wondering what’s taking Donkey Kong so long to setup the fireworks. Diddy assures him that DK wouldn’t goof off on today of all days and sets off to find him. In the mine, Donkey Kong is shown racing around in a mine car. He declares that he wants to gift everyone a mine car, but is soon distracted by a lever (that looks more like a button), but just as Klump shouts out to not pull the lever Donkey Kong does and the cart is sent soaring through the air. As Donkey Kong recovers from his impromptu flight he suggests that maybe a mine car isn’t such a good gift.
I have no idea what makes this thing so special.
At Cranky’s, Diddy returns to report the bad news that he can’t find DK anywhere. Cranky gets pissed as he finds out that the fireworks haven’t been setup, but Diddy reports it gets worse. Skurvy and his boys then show up and announce they’re here for the crystal coconut. Diddy and Cranky don’t even bother putting up a fight nor do they seem particularly aggrieved by the pirates not respecting their truce with King K. Rool, but maybe there was no expectation that pirates would place value on such a thing. Skurvy mentions once again there’s something he wants more than the crystal coconut, but since it’s not here he’ll have to settle for the artifact. Diddy remarks that at least they’re not taking the presents, which just causes the pirates to take the presents.
I know he’s a bit thrown off by the theft of the crystal coconut, but shouldn’t DK be a bit more concerned about the fact that Cranky’s hut is apparently full of enemy cameras?
Back in the mine, Donkey Kong is going through King K. Rool’s books and seems intent on gifting all of his friends a book from the king’s assortment. An image then pops up on Klump’s security system and it’s of the pirates making off with the crystal coconut. Apparently the crocs have cameras around Cranky’s hut? Anyways, when Donkey Kong sees the pirates he knows he has to abandon his pursuit of gifts to stop them while Klump is ticked off that they’re not respecting the truce, but DK informs him that pirates never honor truces. Klump reveals this is bad news for him as King K. Rool will have his hide if someone other than him steals the coconut, so he agrees to help Donkey Kong get it back.
Yeah, Cranky! Give that stupid ape a good tongue-lashing!
Donkey Kong shows up at Cranky’s place only to get chewed out for not being around all day. Cranky is not at all sympathetic to DK’s gift dilemma, but DK tells him he brought help in the form of Klump. That just causes Cranky to momentarily panic as he barks out to protect the crystal coconut, which Diddy has to remind him has already been stolen. Then, shaking with anger, he orders everyone to go retrieve it from Skurvy. I do like Cranky, he definitely has the most energy of all the characters here.
I like how Skurvy just wields a cannon like it’s a gun.
At the docks, the heroes hide behind the barrels of explosives Donkey Kong had placed there earlier and survey the scene. Kutlass and Green Croc (that’s apparently his actual name) are positioned on the dock while Skurvy is somewhere else. Klump then very loudly asks what they’re looking at and DK shushes him before telling him he’s to be on lookout for Skurvy. Klump agrees and heads over to the beach rather loudly. The two apes start talking loudly like pirates to put the notion into the heads of the underlings that there’s more booty on the beach. It’s a bit confusing, I’m not sure if they’re supposed to think Donkey and Diddy are Skurvy. The two apes then retreat to the bushes and things just get more confusing as the two crocs pick up the barrels of explosives and start loading them onto the ship. Those barrels were clearly not on the beach. Diddy giggles and exclaims to DK that his plan is working perfectly, but the sound of a gun cocking interrupts their giggles. Skurvy is shown pointing his miniature cannon, which has no working action on it that would make a gun cocking sound, in Donkey Kong’s face.
If those are the only presents they had then it doesn’t seem like a tremendous loss, honestly. Certainly not worth this kind of aggravation.
We banana-wipe to a scene on the ship and Skurvy informs the pair that their plan was as stinky as bilge water – a good boat insult. Skurvy then guesses that their plan was to trick the pirates into stealing the fireworks only for the apes to bargain for the coconut with the threat of blowing the ship up. How they were to light the fireworks is a bit of a mystery. And it must be to Skurvy because he announces he was planning on stealing the fireworks anyway! He then whips out the crystal coconut to declare it’s the only booty he ever wanted. Diddy then reminds him that he mentioned something else, and Skurvy’s eyes grow soft as he concedes, “Aye, there be.” Klump’s poem music then starts playing and Skurvy mentions he has a long lost brother. He then starts singing the poem revealing that the missing part is, “…your big brother – Skurvy!”
It’s a sing-along time.
Donkey Kong is predictably stupid and doesn’t immediately remember that he heard Klump singing the same thing. Skurvy orders his men to set sail for shark-infested waters so they can be rid of the apes, but gets interrupted by Klump who has come aboard armed with a weird looking gun. He declares he’s here to fight to the death, which catches everyone off-guard including Skurvy who declares that even pirates don’t fight to the death. Klump is forced to concede that he’s never actually had to fight to the death, he’s just bound by lizard law to say it. He does inform the crew that he has experience blowing things to bits and orders the skum-sucking sea dawgs to hand over the crystal coconut. Skurvy retorts by calling Klump a skum-sucking swamp-sucker. There sure are a lot of sucking accusations being tossed around. Skurvy picks up his cannon weapon. As the two hurl verbal barbs at each other, Diddy remarks to DK how stupid the pair look and Donkey Kong admits it’s pretty sad. Just saying the word “sad” causes him to remember the poem. When Diddy Kong asks “What poem?” Donkey Kong sings it for him. In doing so his voice drastically changes as the singing voice is provided by Sterling Jarvis. He sounds lovely, but the change is super distracting.
These guys are a lot faster than they look.
As DK sings it, Klump and Skurvy finish the last line. Klump confirms that’s it, that’s the rest of the poem, then, like a dope, asks Skurvy how he knew that part. Skurvy, apparently none brighter, questions how Klump knew it at all. Finally, Skurvy shouts “Little brother!” and Klump returns in kind, but in his excitement he tossed his gun over his shoulder and it goes off. We get a clip of a bullet shooting through the air for the barrels of fireworks which cuts to the gang running (with the crystal coconut) on the dock. Somehow they managed to get off of the boat and down the dock while the bullet was in-flight – and I thought Sonic was fast!
The brother reveal might have come as a surprise if Klump and Skurvy didn’t look exactly alike.
The ship explodes taking all of the gifts with it, which is sad for Diddy Kong, but good for Donkey Kong as now he doesn’t have to match the gifts everyone was planning on giving him. As the gang admires the fireworks, Skurvy mentions he loves them. When Klump says the same, Skurvy remarks “Of course!” Apparently, it was Klump’s love of fireworks that caused him to set their whole swamp on fire. Skurvy took the blame for his little brother, and in return was banished to the high seas. Harsh, but fair.
Time for Donkey Kong to explain the lesson he learned.
That night, the Kong clan still has fireworks, but no gifts. Cranky gives him a backhanded compliment on the fireworks job, but then declares this the best festival ever. When Donkey Kong laments the lost presents, Cranky finally chimes in with the long-expected reminder that today isn’t about presents, but family. Donkey Kong then declares that’s what Inka Dinka Doo must have been trying to tell him (see, it’s all coming together now!). Candy, Funky, and Diddy then arrive with Candy reenforcing the message that the holiday is about spending time with family and DK adds that even villains need family. Cranky then wonders what those lizards are up to.
Aww, don’t they look cute together?
On cue, we check-in with those lizards as Skurvy is spinning some tall tale about his time at sea to his little brother. Krusha then comes rolling in, but says nothing, followed by the king himself. He does not seem happy to find a pirate in his lair, but Klump is eager to share the news about his discovery. King K. Rool then surveys the area and sees a bunch of luggage nearby and declares that there’s no way Skurvy is moving in, but Klump corrects him by informing him that he’s actually leaving to set sail with his brother. This makes the king even madder and he and Skurvy end up nose-to-nose trading insults with each other. As for Klump, the sight of the two gators fighting over him brings a tear to his eye causing him to declare this the best Kongo Bongo Festival of Lights ever! The camera pulls out on the the bickering reptiles as fireworks fill the night sky over the island.
This is all Klump has ever wanted for Not-Christmas: two reptiles fighting over him.
And that is apparently how apes (and lizards) celebrate not-Christmas. Donkey Kong Country is a rather ugly show by today’s standards, and I’m not convinced it wasn’t ugly even by the standards of 1999 when this episode aired. The animations for each character are very limited and it’s obvious they try to stage and work around those limitations as much as possible. The characters really don’t move their lower half much and instead rely on their arms and faces to convey action and emotion. For the apes, this works okay even if I don’t love the look of some of those characters. For the alligator types it’s much harder as their mouths just don’t have the range of motion one needs forcing the animators to rely almost solely on their eyes. At least the scaled textures on those characters looks okay, better than the fur on the apes, anyway.
This one is pretty goofy, but it does sneak in a generic holiday lesson at the end.
The story for this one is also not terrible. I found Klump sympathetic and he was easily the character I liked the most after Cranky. The set piece for his song early on surprised me and was something I found rather amusing. The poem was okay as a plot device, though how terrible is Klump’s memory that he completely forgot he had a brother? That plot twist was pretty easy to see coming since Skurvy and Klump are literally the same character model. If they’re any different I didn’t notice. I don’t know if Skurvy was a regular on the show prior to this episode or not so I can see the reveal at least being fun for longtime viewers. The other plot concerning Donkey Kong’s gift dilemma was far less interesting, but it at least scores some points for being a bit original. I liked that Donkey Kong also wasn’t some jerk intentionally giving bad gifts, he’s just an ape who really likes bananas and doesn’t realize his friends expect something a little more thoughtful than that. A truly selfish character wouldn’t even be concerned about it. It was an unusual resolution to just have the other gifts get destroyed before they could be given. That’s definitely one way to write DK out of his problem.
Ending a special with fireworks is certainly a sound decision that I can get behind.
Donkey Kong Country is almost by default one of the better video game adaptions I’ve watched simply by virtue of it not sucking completely. I don’t know that I’d necessarily recommend this one, but if you like the games then I suppose you’ll enjoy this. It’s also entirely possible that this is one of the lesser episodes in the series so maybe the rest of the show is even better. I won’t be finding out, but again, I was never a big fan of the games to begin with. If you want to watch this one it can be found online with minimal to no effort for free. I think the free stream on YouTube is even “legal” and not piracy unchallenged, so have at it guilt-free! It’s also streaming on Tubi and episodes are available on Prime. Some of the show has been released on DVD, but I do not know if this one of them. In short, it’s not hard to find.
Can’t wait until tomorrow for more Christmas? Check out what we had to say on this day last year and beyond:
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