Dec. 10 – Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire

Today, we return to my best Christmas specials of all-time list with television’s first family: The Simpsons. The Simpsons are the brainchild of series creator Matt Groening who allegedly came up with the idea as a spur of the moment one when he needed something to pitch to the Fox Network. He essentially based The Simpsons on his own family and even borrowed some of the names of his family members for the now iconic characters of the show. The pitch was a success and The Simpsons became a segment on The Tracey Ullman Show. When it gained enough popularity that the Fox Network couldn’t ignore, the segment was spun-off into its own series.

When Fox decided to take a chance on The Simpsons it did so with some trepidation. TV people James L. Brooks and Sam Simon were added to the mix to give it some credibility, but the Fox Network was still young with inexperience at virtually every level of the operation. And the TV guys the network brought in had little experience with animation. Fox wasn’t willing to commit to a full season order, so 13 episodes were ordered for the first season. That inexperience with animation reared its head early when the very first episode, “Some Enchanted Evening,” came back from the overseas animator looking dreadful. Un-airable. The team didn’t understand how long retakes would take in animation nor did they realize how expensive they were. It’s not a big deal to do reshoots in live-action with a set that lives in perpetuity on a studio lot, but for animation someone has to re-draw, re-color, and re-edit the show.

Obviously, those growing pains would eventually pay dividends and The Simpsons is currently airing its 35th season. And it all started here. When “Some Enchanted Evening” came back so bad it called for a lot of changes, the show wouldn’t make its original air date so Fox decided to delay it to give it more time. As part of that delay, the Christmas episode was moved up. Now, The Simpsons could premiere as a Christmas special in December of 1989 with the rest of the season kicking off in 1990. It’s a bit unusual for a show to start with a Christmas episode, but not unheard of. The Fox animated series Life With Louie would do a Christmas special as a pilot a few years later which would turn into a series order for that show. And because today’s episode was the first to air, it’s now just recognized as the show’s first episode even though it wasn’t number 1 in production order.

The first season of The Simpsons is admittedly a little rough. It always takes a show time to find its voice and The Simpsons is no different. For a first episode though, this one is pretty damn good. The show knew it wanted the family to be a bit dysfunctional. So many television families of the past were rather wholesome with little conflict within the family unit that wasn’t just some trivial issue. That was changing in the 80’s and the sitcom Roseanne is often cited as one of the first shows willing to put a more “real” family on TV. Married…with Children went hard into that with a more farcical take while The Simpsons would land somewhere in-between. Being animation, the show could get a little out there when compared with a live-action sitcom while still retaining plot issues like job security and money.

And this first episode of The Simpsons very much deals with money issues. Financial stress around the holidays is definitely not unique to the Simpsons and many families deal with that every year. It’s exacerbated by the presence of Santa Claus who bestows presents on the good boys and girls of the world and coal on the bad ones. When Santa brings the rich kid down the street a new bike while the poor kid settles for a yo-yo, it’s bound to raise some questions on the playground. As a result, all parents feel pressured to shower their children with gifts whether they can afford it or not. I’m guilty of going a little nuts around the holidays, and while I’ve never spent outside my means, I do regret not setting expectations lower. Maybe one gift should be from Santa and the rest from mom and dad. It might not make the kid who gets little feel much better, but at least said kid isn’t left wondering why Santa treats him so poorly while the kid who doesn’t need any help is rewarded.

Anyway, the unique flavor of this Christmas episode of The Simpsons is what makes it so endearing for me. It also doesn’t hurt that it has incredible historic significance by being the first of over 700 episodes and counting. Perhaps to give it more of a “Christmas Special” feel, the episode doesn’t begin with the usual show intro. We just get a quick jingle of the main theme (composed by Danny Elfman) with a graphic that reads “The Simpsons Christmas Special” super-imposed over a dark, snowy, backdrop. Homer (Dan Castellaneta), Marge (Julie Kavner), and Maggie are in the car heading for a school Christmas recital. Homer is driving rather erratically as they’re apparently late while Marge urges him to slow down.

When the family arrives at the recital, late, they’re forced to awkwardly slip in to find seats. As they do so, Homer keeps calling out to other fathers he knows and who could forget Homer’s buddy Norman? Or Fred? Yeah, these are names we’ll never hear again. Even though Homer makes a remark to Norman about “getting dragged here too” he seems pretty cheerful and happy to be present, a far cry from how he feels about attending a thorough re-telling of the life of George Washington in Season Four.

Once they find their seats, Homer and Marge watch as Principal Skinner (Harry Shearer) introduces the presentations which are by class. Up next, a presentation of Santas from around the world by the second graders. It almost feels like there’s only one second grade class in this school which gives Springfield a very small town feel. I think in my town, a suburb in New Hampshire, we had around 12-15 classes per grade. Up first is possibly a proto-Janie (Pamela Hayden) to talk about German Santa who bestows gifts upon the good children and whipping rods on the parents of bad children to beat them with. We then hear from a proto-Ralph (Nancy Cartwright) who looks a little like Ralph Wiggum, but sounds nothing like him. He’s a Japanese priest who resembles Santa and his main feature is that he has eyes in the back of his head which the child demonstrates with a pair of spring-eyed glasses he’s wearing backwards. The crowd gasps as they fall out of place which feels very quaint by today’s standards. Finally, it’s Lisa’s (Yeardley Smith) turn who will be portraying a Polynesian Santa or something. It too causes the crowd to gasp because it involves a fire dance, or maybe they’re gasping because she looks like she isn’t wearing any pants? It’s an odd coloring choice as she’s wearing a straw skirt with virtually no coverage and her leggings are the same color as her flesh. Everyone applauds when she finishes either because they enjoyed it or because they’re just impressed she didn’t burn the place down.

And now it’s time to hear from the fourth grade class – screw those stupid third graders! This is, of course, Bart’s (Cartwright) class and what’s America’s soon-to-be favorite little hellion going to do to ruin this pageant? Why, nothing more than change the words to “Jingle Bells.” You know the one, that famous school yard parody of unknown origin that turns the yuletide classic into a song about Batman’s poor hygiene. As the camera pans through the crowd of fourth-graders assembled on the stage, virtually none of them are recognizable. I did spot Lewis and Milhouse is in the first row, but the other faces are weird and unfamiliar. Before Bart breaks into his own rendition, Marge gets to comment on how angelic he is. Once he finishes his verse, a hand jumps into frame to yank him out of position. I assume it belonged to Skinner. Homer looks mad, then he looks bored as there’s a dissolve to indicate the passage of time and we can hear Skinner announcing the fifth grade performance. Behind Marge, there’s a woman without a nose which is creepy. Homer mutters aloud “How many grades does this school have?” and we fade out.

We’re now at the home of the Simpson family! It’s decorated for Christmas and there’s a roaring fire. The kids are writing out their Christmas lists while Marge is working on a Christmas letter to send out. We hear her internal dictation to herself as she writes it. She notes that their cat died, but they replaced old Snowball with a new cat – Snowball II. Snowball II can be seen getting tangled in a box of Christmas lights which Homer is trying to untangle. It also should be noted the joke here is that the dead cat was a white one and appropriately named Snowball while the new one is a black cat, but they just kept the name anyway. Marge writes about how Grandpa is still alive and as feisty as ever and boasts about how well Lisa is doing in school. When she gets to Bart she just writes, “…well, we love Bart,” and lets that be it. Homer angrily barks at her asking if she finished that “stupid” letter yet prompting Marge to write “Homer sends his love,” before putting the finishing touches on it.

Homer resumes his demands of Marge as he can’t seem to locate the extension chord. Marge snaps back that it’s where it should be – in the utility drawer. Good for Marge for standing up for herself. Homer softens and apologizes and blames it all on his excitement for the holidays. He then retrieves the extension chord from the drawer and we get a sort of “d’oh!” out of him when he finds it all tangled. Marge then asks the kids for their lists and indicates that she’ll send them to Santa right away. This prompts Bart to mutter, through a classic Simpsons twister mouth expression, “Oh please, there’s only one fat guy who brings presents and his name ain’t Santa.” You can tell the show wasn’t really going after the kid market in the beginning otherwise such a line wouldn’t exist.

Marge is then dismayed to see that the only thing Lisa wants is a pony and Bart wants a tattoo. Bart tries to justify his desire by saying they last forever, but Homer tells him he’s not getting one. If Bart wants a tattoo he’ll have to pay for it himself! Well, at least he tried. The phone rings and Homer answers it. On the other line is one of Marge’s sisters who just asks for Marge. Homer tries asking who is calling, but she just keeps asking for Marge as she clearly wants nothing to do with Homer. This just angers Homer, but he finally hands the phone to Marge and we find out it’s her sister Patty (Kavner). She indicates that she and her twin sister Selma (also Kavner) would be delighted to spend Christmas Eve with their baby sister. Marge tells her that she and Homer would be delighted to see them too and Patty, correctly, notes that Homer is probably not very enthusiastic about it. She then starts to complain about Homer as the scene fades out.

When the next scene fades in, we find Homer on the roof in a rather precarious position as he attempts to hang Christmas lights. He does the predictable thing and falls, but there’s a nice pile of powder for him to land on so he’s no worse for ware. Homer then calls the kids over to plug in the lights. For some reason, he’s also wearing a tie now. Maybe this is the next night after work? Anyway, Homer calls for Marge to turn them on and it’s a rather pathetic display as only a couple of lights are working. Lisa adds a “Nice try, Dad,” while Bart can’t even muster up an insult and just hangs his head with a groan. Homer seems pleased though, at least until his neighbor Ned Flanders (Shearer) shouts over to ask him what he thinks of his display? He plugs it in and it’s pretty spectacular compared with Homer’s as all of the lights are working and there’s even an animated Santa on the roof. The kids stare at it in awe while Homer complains it’s too bright and crosses his arms angrily to mutter to himself.

The next morning, Marge tells the kids over breakfast that she’s heading to the mall for Christmas shopping, and if they want to go too, they should go get their money. They’re pretty excited about going to the mall because it’s 1989 and that’s where all the action is! With them out of the kitchen, Homer is able to prod Marge about her secret stash of Christmas money. She tells him to close his eyes so as not to reveal her hiding place and when he does we find out it’s a big jar she keeps hidden in her giant hair. Marge must have amazing neck strength. Homer opens his eyes and remarks on how big the jar is this year as it’s full of bills and coins.

At the mall, Marge and Lisa go off shopping basically leaving Bart to his own whims. He soon happens upon a tattoo parlor and notices a display containing a heart design that says “Mother” on it. Bart fantasizes how such a tattoo would be received by his own mother which confirms to him that she thinks it’s a wonderful present that makes him look dangerous. Since Bart’s imagination is infallible, he heads to the counter and demands “One mother, please.” The tattoo artist curtly asks how old he is and Bart cheerfully responds with “21 my good man!” The guy simply responds with “Get in the chair.” According to the episode commentary, the writers struggled with how to get Bart into the tattoo chair because who would agree to tattoo a 10 year old? This simple line was what they settled on and I think it works. The line delivery by Harry Shearer is also perfect in selling this guy’s “I don’t care” attitude.

We cut to the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant which has a festive banner at the entrance denoting the time of year. We find Homer inside doing something he rarely does: work. He’s looking at some gauges and noting the readings on a clipboard. This is still Homer though and it would appear he’s doing a bad job as one meter rises abruptly and another is flashing red. The intercom comes on and it’s the voice of Waylon Smithers (Shearer) who is set to introduce Mr. Burns (Shearer) for an important announcement. Despite Smithers requesting that all employees continue working through this announcement, Homer puts his clipboard down and starts munching on a donut. He’s soon joined by several other, random, workers as Mr. Burns makes his announcement. He is pleased to report that they have improved plant safety without affecting consumer costs or management pay raises. Unfortunately, for the other “semi-skilled” workers, as he puts it, this means there will be no Christmas bonus this year. Dejected, the other workers disperse while Homer looks pretty distressed and thanks God for the big jar of money.

Naturally, this means the big jar of money is in serious plot jeopardy. We go back to the mall and Marge spots her precious little guy in the chair at the tattoo parlor. She storms in and yanks the boy out mid-tattoo turning his intended “Mother” tattoo into one that says “Moth.” She drags him by the arm, his recently tattooed arm, a few stores down which just so happens to be a laser surgery center. I can’t say I ever saw such a place in a mall, but it does make good business sense to have one located near a tattoo parlor. The technician (Shearer) tells Marge they can remove the tattoo, but it’s a costly procedure that requires an upfront, cash, payment. Marge just looks at the big jar of money she’s carrying in despair and adds a “Thank God for Homer’s Christmas bonus.” Oh Marge, you poor fool! With the payment seemingly made, Bart can get the procedure. As the laser warms up, we get to hear one of Bart’s catchphrases, “Aye carumba!” The technician then instructs him not to squirm as you wouldn’t want to get this laser near your eye or your groin. Apparently, getting the word groin past the censors was a minor battle the show won.

It’s time to head back to 742 Evergreen Terrace (well, technically, in Season One the address had yet to be decided, but you get the idea) where Bart is sitting on the couch watching TV while Lisa pokes his new arm injury. She pokes, he says “Ow! Quit it,” and we repeat. Maggie also gets in on it. I actually really like this gag. Homer comes home to hear the bad news. Lisa is almost too eager to tell her father that the family had to blow the Christmas jar on laser surgery for Bart. Homer takes one look at that empty jar, which Marge turns upside down and shakes for added dramatic effect, and immediately begins wailing about Christmas being cancelled. Marge then assures her husband things will be okay because they still have his Christmas bonus. If you think this is the part where Homer tells the family he’s not getting a bonus this year then you have clearly never watched a sitcom. Homer just acts like he’s just remembering he has that bonus coming and no one in the family appears to pick up on the fact that he’s lying. Homer then exits the house through the kitchen, which is somehow the front door. One of the fun aspects to watching Season One of this show now is how crazy the layout of the house gets. Some shots will just have endless entryways in the background, or even in this past scene, Marge enters into the living room via the den, but when camera cuts back to her it’s the kitchen that’s behind her.

Homer takes a sad look at his crappy Christmas decorations and the camera pans to the home of the Flanders so we can get a better sense of how inferior Homer’s Christmas is shaping up in comparison. He can’t even muscle up a “Stupid Flanders,” comment, only hang his head in shame. The scene then shifts to one of Marge and Homer in bed. Marge can tell something is bothering Homer and that he’s hiding something from her as well. When she brings up the subject of his Christmas bonus, Homer gets a chance to come clean, but instead of doing so makes up a lie about wanting to do the Christmas shopping this year. Marge is happy to hand over the list to her husband as that’s one less thing she has to worry about and she rolls over to go to sleep. With the lights out, we can still see the white of Homer’s eyes and his unsure smile.

The next day, Homer heads out to do said Christmas shopping. His venue of choice? Not the mall, that’s much too expensive, for he has come to the seldom seen Circus of Values. I don’t think this store ever resurfaces in the future. Homer is monologuing his shopping decisions, which is very convenient for us viewers, as he picks out gifts for the family. Marge is getting pantyhose, Bart some pads of paper, and Maggie gets a squeak toy intended for dogs that’s shaped like a porkchop. Lisa apparently gets nothing. As Homer leaves with his lone bag of “gifts,” he bumps into Flanders outside. Ned couldn’t see him because his arms were piled high with wrapped gifts which are now all over the sidewalk. Ned apologizes then takes note of the mess before them and how tricky it will be to sort out what’s what. As he starts picking stuff up with a “One of mine,” for each, Homer growls back “They’re all yours!” since he has his lone bag in-hand. To add further insult to injury, Todd Flanders (Pamela Hayden, and the credits actually list this as Rod Flanders, but it’s clearly Todd) has picked up Homer’s porkchop and offers it back to him which he angrily snatches from the youth’s hand. Mind you, this looks extra pathetic as the Simpson family doesn’t currently own a dog. The two Flanders then head off to wherever it is they’re off to with Todd telling his dad that this will be the best Christmas ever! Does anybody ever make such a statement unironically in real life?

Feeling pretty low, Homer heads to his favorite watering hole: Moe’s Tavern. Here, the grumpy Moe (Hank Azaria) is sporting a festive Santa hat and is overseeing a pretty well-decorated bar. The Moe of later seasons would never go this far to decorate his place. He also has black hair and a pink apron, two things that will change before the season is concluded. He asks Homer what’s wrong and notes he’s been sucking on a beer all day. He even offers Homer a candy cane to cheer him up – who is this guy?! Barney (Castellaneta) enters and announces drinks all around! Which is just he and Homer. He’s decked out in a Santa suit and Homer prods why. Barney tells him he got a job playing Santa down at the mall as he downs almost an entire mug of beer in one swig. Homer asks if he thinks he could get a job doing that and Barney cautions him by saying “They’re very selective,” before unleashing his classic belch. In case you were unaware, Barney is named after Barney Rubble as the writers thought it would be funny to give Homer a loser Barney as a best friend.

We cut to Homer on a job interview for this Santa program. The man conducting the interview (Shearer) wants to know if Homer likes kids and his response is “All the time?” He’s clearly not good at this stuff. The guy just frowns and Homer picks up on it and reassures the man that he does indeed like children. He’s hired on the spot, but is then given the bad news that he has to go through Santa training. This takes us to perhaps one of the more enduring scenes from this episode as a room full of men dressed as Santa are robotically belting out “Ho ho ho,” from desks. The laughter, if you want to call it that, is interrupted by Homer raising his hand to ask the trainer (also Shearer, the guy voices almost everyone in this thing) when they get paid. He’s told “Not a dime until Christmas Eve,” and the men in the room resume their “Ho ho ho” routine only with much less enthusiasm.

Next we find Homer in front of the class trying to recall the names of Santa’s reindeer. He gets the first three right, then guesses Nixon, followed by Comet, Cupid, Donna Dixon. The trainer just curtly tells him to sit down. It then cuts to Homer seated with a smile on his face while the trainer sits on his lap. They’re role-playing how a visit with Santa might go, and when the trainer accuses him of being a fake, Homer’s response is to punch him in the face. The trainer prevents him from doing so and gets him to calm down and instructs him that he’s supposed to just lie to get out of such a sticky situation by saying he’s one of Santa’s helpers. Homer reassures himself that he knew that and this is apparently all the training he’s getting.

Homer enters the house, exhausted, and Marge is there to ask him why he’s seven hours late. He tells her he doesn’t want to talk about it and is heading straight for the tub. I feel like no one does that anymore, or maybe people with fancy tubs or hot tubs do. I, like the Simpsons, have a pretty basic bath tub and I wouldn’t dream of taking a bath in it. Marge tells Homer that her sisters are here which forces a shudder from Homer. He slinks into the living room to say hi while Bart and Lisa are relieved to see their father as it means getting away from the clutches of their aunts. They both latch onto one of his legs as Homer greets the twins doing a very poor job of masking his dislike for them. When he wishes them a “Merry Christmas,” they both sort of snort in response and point out how you can’t tell it’s Christmas in this house because there’s no tree. Homer angrily responds that he was just about to go get one. Bart and Lisa run after him asking if they can tag along, but their father snaps at them with a “No!” before storming out.

Homer heads out into the night to the tune of “Winter Wonderland.” We see him drive by lot after lot of Christmas trees all with a posted price that is apparently out of his price range. And with good reason, the first one wants $75 a tree. In 1989, $75 was like $180 today and that’s pretty insane for a tree. I think I paid $65 for my tree last year and it was at one of those farms where you pick out your own tree and cut it down. I haven’t bought a lot tree since I was a kid, so I’m not sure if what I do costs more money or less. As Homer drives, he passes other lots and the price is going down, but not by much. The last one we see is advertising slightly irregular trees for $45 that look like something out of a Dr. Seuss book so Homer does the only sensible thing: he sneaks onto someone’s property and cuts his own tree! We just see him as a shadowy figure with the sound of a chainsaw echoing around him. Dogs are unleashed, there’s some gunfire, but Homer escapes unharmed.

Back at home, everyone is impressed with Homer’s tree while Selma points out there’s a birdhouse in it. Homer just says it’s an ornament, but I doubt he’s fooling his sisters-in-law who are at least kind enough to just drop the subject. We end the scene with Patty asking if she smells gun powder. Now, it’s mall time and Homer is in the big guy’s chair! Some little kid (Cartwright) is asking him for a bunch of stuff, but Homer tells him he doesn’t need all of that junk since he probably has a good home and a loving father who would do anything for him. The kid has no response, so Homer just asks him for a bite of his donut. The scene ends with the photographer snapping a picture of Homer Santa taking a very generous bite out of said donut and the kid doesn’t look too happy.

From a nearby balcony, Bart, Milhouse (Hayden), and Lewis (Cartwright) are all watching this unfold. None of the kids recognize Homer and they’re poking fun at the kids who actually buy into this Santa grift. Bart dares Milhouse, who appears to be dressed in a Santa suit himself, to sit on his lap, but Milhouse counters with a dare for Bart to yank his beard. Bart, not being one to back down, accepts this dare and makes his way towards Santa. When he’s seated on Homer’s lap, Homer lets out a yelp at the sight of his own kid, but then tries to play it cool by asking him his name. This is where we get another classic Bart line of “I’m Bart Simpson, who the Hell are you?” Homer just growls in response, “I’m jolly old Saint Nick.” Bart declares they’ll just see about that as he gives Homer’s beard a tug and we get another picture shot. This time it’s Homer’s beard being pulled down and a shocked Bart realizing who is in costume here.

Homer scoops up his boy in his arms and angrily storms off to a prop house in the back for a little heart-to-heart. Now is when Homer finally comes clean to someone about his lack of a bonus. Bart is actually impressed with his father and points out how low he’s willing to sink to make sure he and the family have a good Christmas. It’s not the nicest phrasing, but Bart’s smile indicates he’s sincere and Homer seems touched. He then heads back out to resume his duty as the big guy, but after saying “Hi” to all of the children he smacks his head on the door frame and utters some mild profanity which seems to alarm some of the mothers nearby.

With the job done, all that is left to do is collect a big, fat, check! Bart apparently decided to spend the rest of the day at his father’s side as he’s joined him in the line for checks with the other Santas. Homer sees this as an opportunity to teach Bart the value of work, but when he’s handed a check for a meager $13 all of that is ruined. He demands of the teller to explain how his pay was only $13 only to find out they deducted things from his pay like the cost of the suit, training, and other stuff. It was supposed to be a check for over 100 bucks which probably would have done a decent job of acquiring gifts in 1989, but 13 bucks won’t get you anything.

Homer, defeated, plops down on a couch while Bart suggests they just head home. Then we hear the voice of Barney offscreen overjoyed at receiving a check for “Thirteen big ones!” Homer doesn’t understand why Barney is so happy only to find out that Barney has plans for this money. He’s heading to the dog track where a can’t miss pup by the name of Whirlwind is fixing to turn this 13 bucks into something more. He encourages Homer to come along, but Homer finds the idea of taking his kid to a sleazy dog track on Christmas Eve rather distasteful. This is when Bart chimes in that this is how all of the Christmas miracles in TV happen. Apparently he’s self aware as he lists off some of television’s miracle benefators at Christmas including Tiny Tim, Charlie Brown, and The Smurfs. Homer seems convinced, and I bet a Season 3 Homer would be enthusiastic about following the lessons taught by TV, but this one just asks “Who’s Tiny Tim?” as they head out.

At the Simpson house, Patty and Selma are present along with Grandpa (Castellaneta) Simpson for Christmas Eve. They’re watching a Christmas special on TV starring the Happy Little Elves, a sort of parody of The Smurfs seldom seen after the first season. Lisa is reacting to the show in earnest fashion while the adults, mostly Grandpa, can’t stand it. It’s then pointed out by Patty that Homer is late and Marge says he told him that he was going caroling with Bart. This then smash cuts to Barney and Bart singing “We’re in the Money” as they make their way into the dog track. Homer still can’t believe he’s doing this, and that feeling only mounts when he gets a look at Whirlwind and declares the dog a scrawny little bag of bones. Bart, who is now wearing Homer’s Santa hat and looking pretty adorable, points out that all of the dogs are scrawny little bags of bones. There’s also a brief exchange between another father and son where the kid asks if they can open their gifts now with the dad retorting “You know the tradition son, not until the 8th race.” It’s hilariously sad.

As Barney makes his way to the counter to place his bet, a voice (Shearer) comes over the loudspeaker to announce that number 8 is being replaced with a new dog: Santa’s Little Helper. Homer hears this name and thinks it’s a sign. He expresses his enthusiasm towards Bart who tells his father it’s just a coincidence. Even when they get the odds on the dog, 99 to 1, Homer still isn’t dismayed. He sees it as an opportunity, but Bart informs him that he has a bad feeling about this. Homer basically begs his son to trust in him because it’s all he has and Bart decides to go along so as to spare his father’s feelings. There’s no changing his dad’s mind anyway as he bets it all on Santa’s Little Helper.

Back at the house, everyone is still watching (and not enjoying) The Happy Little Elves. Well, Lisa is, that is until she overhears her aunt Patty refer to her father as a “doofus.” When she asks her aunt what she said, Patty just nonchalantly informs her that she’s just trashing her father. Lisa then, rather calmly, sticks up for her father, “Well, I wish you wouldn’t, because aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings he is the only father I have. Therefore, he is my model of manhood and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships so I hope that you bare in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me and I am far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts.” Patty has nothing to say aside from “Watch your cartoon, dear.” She put that old bat in her place!

It’s race time down at the track and Homer and Bart are up against the railing to take it all in. Homer encourages Bart to kiss the ticket for good luck and then the dogs are off! The two enthusiastically cheer on their chosen champion until it’s announced that he’s currently in last place, and pretty far back at that. Bart just tries to tell his dad that this is when the miracle happens and the two resume their cheering and are hooting and hollering as…Whirlwind crosses the finish line. Bart is dumbfounded and can only conclude that television has been lying to him. Homer bangs his head on the railing, a terrific use of foley, and then says he doesn’t want to leave until their dog finishes. The shot holds for a solid 3 seconds or so before Homer gives up and says they can leave. That’s probably my favorite joke in the whole episode.

Out in the parking lot, Homer and Bart are picking up discarded tickets and hoping to stumble upon an accidentally discarded winner. They’re soon interrupted by Barney who comes driving by in a convertible, on Christmas Eve, in a cold climate. It’s a choice, but he’s in the money! He doesn’t seem to know that Homer didn’t follow his advice as he just asks “What did I tell ya – Whirlwind!” He then burps and says to his lady friend “Let’s go, Daria.” For years, many fans insisted that Barney said “diarrhea” instead of Daria, but once the DVDs came out we could see for certain that he was saying Daria. I, for one, always heard Daria.

With Barney gone and no winning tickets found, Homer and Bart hang their heads and presumably start heading for the car. They then hear shouting as an angry voice declares “You came in last for the last time!” We don’t know it now, but the voice belongs to Les Moore (Azaria) and he’ll return in a future episode. For now, all we need to know about him is that he’s the present owner of Santa’s Little Helper and he no longer wants to be. Bart points the dog out as he races across the parking lot and leaps into Homer’s arms! Bart immediately asks if they can keep him, but Homer is still mad at this dog for coming in last. He starts trying to justify why they shouldn’t keep him, “But he’s a loser! He’s pathetic! He’s…” and then the dog licks him and Homer smiles, “…a Simpson.” Gets me every time.

One last trip to 742 Evergreen Terrace is in order. At this point, Grandpa has fallen asleep, the cartoon is way past over, and Patty and Selma are frothing at the mouth waiting to see what state Homer eventually returns in. Marge is just wondering if she should call the police when the door opens and Homer enters. He announces that he has a confession to make, and Patty and Selma get real excited at this. He starts to detail how he didn’t get his bonus, and that he tried to keep it from ruining their Christmas, but he doesn’t get to finish his sad speech as Bart come bursting in with a “Look what we got!”

It’s Santa’s Little Helper, and basically everyone gets excited at the news. Well, except Patti and Selma who seem disappointed that Homer didn’t fail. Lisa declares that love at first sight is real while Bart adds that if he runs away he’ll be easy to catch. Marge adds a “God bless him” in her husband’s direction and tells him this is the best gift that he could possibly give them. Homer can only respond with “It is?” as Marge explains to him that it’s something to express their love. Lisa then asks what the dog’s name is and Homer says, “Number 8 – I mean, Santa’s Little Helper.” The picture gimmick is used for a third time to make a sort of Simpsons Christmas card that reads “Merry Christmas from The Simpsons” and I just love how even Grandpa looks thrilled about the dog.

It’s not over though! As the credits roll, the family gathers around to sing “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” with Grandpa at the piano. Maggie races back and forth on the back of the new family dog while everyone else sings. Bart, in a callback to how this thing started, does the school yard thing of interjecting comments between the verse. “You would even say it glows – like a light bulb!” This angers Homer, and even Lisa gets in on it. Marge tells Homer to take it away and solo the part of Santa Claus asking Rudolph to guide his sleigh, but Homer doesn’t know the words and makes them up, “Rudolph with your nose over here, so you can guide my sleigh…today.” Grandpa adds a disappointed “Oh Homer.” The song finishes with Bart trying to liken Rudolph to Attila the Hun, but he doesn’t finish the line due to his father strangling him, which we don’t actually see as it’s just a shot of the home’s exterior.

That’s how the very first Simpsons Christmas special, and very first episode overall, ends. It’s not just a Christmas Special, but a pretty monumental episode of television because The Simpsons has become such a cultural institution over the years. It’s pretty crazy that it all started here. Showrunner Al Jean has floated the idea of whenever it comes time to do a final episode that it should end where this one begins creating one big loop. That would be appropriate for a show that routinely ignores the passage of time and even changes the past to suit the current era. Homer and Marge began the show as baby boomers and are now considered millennials. I can recall being excited when I reached Bart’s age and now I’m Homer’s. That’s nuts!

As Christmas Specials go, this one borrows a little bit from Christmas Vacation. The patriarch, in this case Homer, wants the family to have a great Christmas, but when his company fails to pay out a bonus that’s become an expected part of his income each year it throws a wrench into everything. For Clark Griswald, it manifests as anxiety throughout the film until the big payoff. The problem is then righted by the bonus getting restored, and then some. For Homer, no such miracle occurs, but he at least falls ass backwards into an unwanted dog which serves as the family’s Christmas present that year. We don’t see the kids wake up to an empty tree on Christmas morning, but they can be assumed to have done so. Well, actually Bart got some paper and Maggie a chew toy which I suppose went to Santa’s Little Helper. It’s probably a good thing that the special ends where it does.

As an episode of The Simpsons, this very early episode contains some of the sarcastic elements we’d find in later seasons, but the pacing is definitely slower. Scene transitions are mostly of the fade in and fade out model and very little of what we see would be deemed outrageous. There are still plenty of hallmarks in place though that will remain so for the show’s duration. Homer tends to respond with violence towards his son and there’s never been any love lost between he and his sisters-in-law. Other stuff is changed though like Ned Flanders being more of a rival to just a true annoyance with a religious component. Principal Skinner is also a rather poor public speaker as he mixes up words and that was going to be a gimmick for him that was dropped. And obviously the overall look of the show has changed quite a bit over the years.

I do love this one, partly because I love The Simpsons, but also because it’s a relatable look at a lower middle class Christmas and how easy it is for the holiday to go wrong. I mentioned how it’s a bit surprising that the show is willing to essentially confirm that Santa isn’t real and that’s because the show became such a hit with children in the months that followed. And the show has never gone back on that either. While the show did avoid Christmas for years after this episode feeling they couldn’t really top it, when the show eventually got back into the Christmas Spirit the subject of Santa was never really addressed. Bart doesn’t see Santa as a way to get Bonestorm, we don’t see evidence of him being there and delivering a fire truck, and so on. And that’s fine, not every show need pander to the children, but it does cross my mind every time I watch this episode with my own kids who are still, just barely, in the believe zone.

If you would like to view this holiday classic this year then the easiest way to do so is via Disney+. The Simpsons is on-demand there and Disney even organizes all of the Christmas episodes in one spot. I believe the show also still airs on FXX or FX which will show all of the Christmas episodes this month. The episode is also part of the fist season which is available on DVD and usually for pretty cheap since it’s no one’s favorite season. There’s also an out of print Simpsons Christmas DVD out there that also usually isn’t too expensive. Society agrees that this one is a classic so getting it on your TV should be rather painless.